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CROWD ROARS

CROWD CHEERS

OK... INDISTINCT CHATTER

How to talk about memories?

Very unreliable.

What did actually happen?

Flashes, mostly.

Joy, catastrophe.

How to describe a life when it never stops slipping like sand between your fingers?

How to look at yourself in the mirror

when you step across the threshold of reflection all the while.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

oK, Pete, if you can now tilt your head to an angle.

Imagine you're hanging on a cross and your head is slightly on one side.

CROWD WHISTLES AND CHEERS

There are some concrete memories.

Places. Coventry, 1994.

Most kids were fiddling with the dog-eared ends of the century.

No, they weren't.

They were going to the Eagles disco in Bedworth.

I had to stay in behind the barbed wire of the army camp

whatever military barracks we lived in.

Pull it out backwards, mind your hair a bit.

It's a bit bright, mate.

There you go. - Fantastic.

Look at all that. - Beautiful.

Excellent. - Let me see that.

I was the new kid

always, always, moving always.

I was never a boffin.

I was clever.

I was a dreamer, I was a clown.

I was reading everything, whatever I could get my hands on.

Now these are my notes.

Writing, scraps of music, songs, poems.

That which can't be captured in a neat, arranged story

because there is no neat, arranged story.

Now I fall through these scraps.

Doesn't matter how far you fall, it's how hard you land

and where.

And I landed in a...

well, I landed on a stage.

HARMONlCA PLAYS

INDISTINCT CHATTER

We lived on a barracks.

There's marching and tanks.

Assault courses, barbed wire on fences and check posts

and armed soldiers everywhere

and everyone that wasn't a spouse or child

or someone in the army was in uniform

and to go to school, you had to leave the barracks

or in Northern Ireland, looking under the cars for bombs before you drove away

or, you know, never, ever telling anyone your dad was in the army.

He was a sergeant major and a regimental sergeant major.

He was the man that they used to keep people in order.

JAZZY SINGING

Stand by your beds! Fall in!

Move yourself! Move!

Him and my mum, who was a military nurse when they met

and married within a week

they had this vision as well of quite a strict family code

and polishing your shoes, and no answering back.

Yeah, everything was revolved around the discipline

and the military life, so that was that was just the normality

and I think to 12, 13, it was just central to your identity and your life

and then...

as I got to 14, 15, 16, 17

it became an obstacle to the identity

that was naturally being forged as I grew up.

Just this idea that, you know, you couldn't do anything, really.

You know, I just wanted to be elsewhere

or wanted to live in a world where I didn't...

wasn't subjected to barbed wire.

At that point, it was just a question of how quickly I could get out.

I wasn't a particularly good guitarist, but I knew a few chords

and I had ideas for songs

and they seemed to fit together with, like, the half-ideas he had.

So even though we didn't particularly like each other.

It was like two one-legged men, having to...

...strap themselves to each other. - Two one-legged men split down the middle.

Otherwise you couldn't stand up, and after a while learned to walk.

We didn't really have an idea of sound or...

even a band, really.

We just always believed in quite an old fashioned way, in songs.

Complete faith is what we lived inside, the only thing we had, really.

We didn't have religion and...

I know we had love affairs and whatever, and drugs

but nothing that really captured you completely, and songs did that.

I had always lived inside songs, and so had he.

And then we created our own ones and that was that.

Our next guests are a terrific rock and roll band from London

and this is their American network television debut.

The CD is entitled Up the Bracket.

Please welcome The Libertines.

It's The Libertines.

The Libertines there, fan-fucking-tastic, yes!

Finally, I think simply the coolest band on the planet

it is The Libertines!

AUDIENCE CHEERS

There they are!

I'm very excited to have you on the show.

The thing about The Libertines that people don't realise

it was just so incredibly exciting at the beginning.

It was almost like seeing The Beatles in Hamburg.

I was never there, but I imagine it was like

seeing The Beatles in Hamburg.

And the thing about them, Peter and Carl were so obviously talented

and there was so much going on

and the pressure on them must've just been incredible.

It was just like song after song, gig after gig

it was like a speeding train and it was never gonna stop.

And that was what was so exciting.

From one moment, nobody knew who they were.

Ten minutes later, everybody wanted a bit of them.

And the winner is...

the winners are The Libertines!

CROWD CHEERS

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's been a hell of a year.

Yeah. Listen though, just give us two seconds, right, Carl...

I knew a simple soldier boy.

Who grinned through life in empty joy.

He slept soundly through the lonesome dark.

And whistled early with the lark.

And in winter trenches, cowed and glum

with cramps and lice and lack of rum

he put a bullet...

Through his brain, and no one spoke of him again.

You smug face crowds with kindling eye

who cheer as soldier boys march by.

Sneak home and pray you'll never know

the hell where youth...

...and laughter go.

CROWD CHEERS

"Don't Look Back Into The Sun" by The Libertines

I know what you asked, and I'll try to avoid the question.

LAUGHTER ON TV

Let me put it this way.

I follow my nose.

Someday, the whole sky is going to light up

and it's going to say, tilt.

And that's going to be the end of the world.

"How Does It Feel To Feel" by The Creation

SINGING INDISTINCTLY

SINGING INDISTINCTLY

obviously, things changed once Pete broke into Carl's flat.

And there was the prison episode and the beginning of the second album.

It was just... I don't know.

I think maybe the pressure got to them too much.

And I know Carl found it really hard. I'm sure Pete found it really hard as well.

There was just something...

It was a really tough time for everyone involved.

Heaven knows how it happened.

What's happened in the last year? Um...

More jails, institutions and death.

True love and then true disaster.

A punch up the hooter.

Down the hatch, up the bracket and all along the watchtower.

Were you sometimes afraid or worried by the dark sides of Peter?

It got worse.

First time I realised I had habit, a heroine dependency

was when The Libertines went to Japan.

Which would've been quite soon after we got signed, I think.

And it was on the aeroplane, I started withdrawing and I...

I realised, I mean, I knew it was coming. I wasn't daft.

I knew that it was addictive

and it just had never...

Never been without it long enough to feel the effects of withdrawal.

And I was on the aeroplane, you know, with this new up-and-coming band

the world at our feet, and I realised that I was a...

a heroin addict.

And I remember coming off the plane, and sweating and a bit sick

and I remember Carl sort of looking at me knowingly

and everyone else just thought I was a bit travel sick.

I didn't even know, I didn't care to be honest

who was watching or who knew, I just opened my guitar case

lifted the guitar, and just saw this lump of foil.

And meanwhile, the dogs had come straight for me

and because of the photographers, it was like, "Welcome to Japan.

Really sorry about the dogs, they get a bit excited."

I'm thinking yeah, they get a bit excited when they smell fucking heroin.

Went back to the hotel, bang, I'm smoking it.

And it was then I realised that...

I was dependent on this stuff.

But I remember the change being almost instant.

FINGERS CLICK Bing.

Felt on top of the world, felt $1,000,000.

Down to the lobby, "Right, what's going on?"

And everyone was like "oh, Pete, you look really well"

and I remember Carl saying to me, "Yeah I was a bit worried, mate

when I saw you at the airport.

You looked really pale and sick and you looked like death.

I thought, to be honest, I thought you had a heroin habit.

But look at you now.

You look better than you've ever looked," you know.

I'm like, "Yeah don't worry about me."

A kind of disbelief really, at first, that it would actually happen

which then evolved into...

a disintegration, really, of spirit.

So, it was betrayal

and in the same way, he saw my drug use as betrayal

of some unspoken rule he had in his mind.

He thought I was letting him down

and that I was just going to stop doing what I'd just discovered

and quite enjoying.

Babyshambles was created in a way that I was able to sustain my own...

you know, my own destiny no matter how corrupt that was.

The thing with those three records, the two Libertines records

and the Babyshambles records, they capture something about England.

They're full of Englishness, they're full of the Albion, shall we say.

They're incredibly poetic records and full of life and melody and energy.

And even though they may not have maybe looked upon at the time

I think in years to come, people are going to really love those records.

"Albion" by Babyshambles

So you haven't slept last night?

Not really, not in the end. That's five days I went, nearly.

I know, I'm starting to talk to the furniture.

Well, I'm not surprised really, after what that sofa did to me.

It stole my keys.

And it made me think that this French bloke had done it.

A really nice, innocent Frenchman.

If such a thing exists.

GIRL IN FRENCH:

Sorry, guys, the French van's late.

I had to get off the fucking train, like...

That's why we're so late, you know.

You've got no idea, we've been through hell and high water.

Four and a half hours, we've been on this train now.

It's an absolute joke.

I don't know if you can hear me, but listen, I'm going to...

I'll try and do this for you, like...

HE STRUMS "THE GOOD OLD DAYS"

CROWD HOLLERS

CROWD CHATTERS - HORN HONKS

CROWD SCREAMS

INDISTINCT... playing songs for people who won't listen to them.

I can go anywhere I like in England tonight.

Come to a room full of people who talk shit while I play, so...

There's no point carrying on, you know what I mean?

Thank you, you're a gentleman.

So to everyone who's listening and who's into it, thank you.

To everyone who's talking

I'm really sorry to interrupt deep conversation with my silly songs, right?

So on one hand, thank you.

On the other hand, fuck you, right? OK, cheers.

CROWD WHISTLES AND CHEERS

So maybe I was wrong, you're not scared of death?

What, scared of it?

Yeah. - No.

That's the one thing I'm not scared of, I'm scared of everything else.

That's why we didn't get to the cashpoint just now.

Fucking petrified.

Why?

Why? Well...

because of the way I dress, because of the way I feel.

I think I've done that a lot in my life as well.

I've got myself in situations with people and then

just turned instantly, switch, freak out.

So I've never been able to explain to them.

They must just think, "What the fuck's wrong with him?"

Like. Actually, I've...

It's almost like a snap...

in my head, and all of a sudden there's...

it's just not, like, healthy.

Like, you know, I need to be just sat.

What I was thinking of was getting back right here.

Exactly here, exactly where we were, right?

GUITAR PLAYS SOFTLY

Memories of a love-hate relationship with the stage

and I'm scared but I'm exhilarating.

If the whole world tells you you are the one

I defy you not to believe them, my son.

And I see you judging me

people on the street, and in the subways

and all kinds of different sandwich shops

and remember that look every time you go on stage.

So you're petrified of life, but still...

it must be so violent then, when you go on stage then?

Before, just before?

Yeah, you know that though, don't you?

Yeah.

It's impossible, it's killing me. It's killing me.

It kills me every time. It's murder.

It's the horrors, I...

I... I knew it, but I knew it from...

Because even for something like me or anybody... anybody...

oK, let's put in between brackets, "normal"

which is not the right word at all, but you get me.

To go on stage is scary

but to go to the ATM

and on the way, getting petrified

is not happening to me.

Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be something simple, right?

Yeah.

HE MUTTERS

It's just what I do naturally.

It's what comes to me, it's who I am.

And it's how I define myself when I'm sat with a pencil

or guitar or my typewriter.

It's immediate.

I need to create

and burrow into these holes and tunnels

under the city, in the hillside.

If I haven't slept, then life is turgid and dark

and dangerous and dramatic

instant and controversial.

When I've slept, then life is beautiful, you know...

melodic and peaceful and creative.

Let's just say after three or four days without sleep

it becomes quite a dark tunnel that I inhabit.

But on the whole, on the surface

it's not so dark.

No. Yeah.

CROWD ROARS

The great thrill comes from playing live

but there was always an element of walking up to the gallows, maybe.

Not like nerves or being worried about anything in particular, I think.

It's just some unspecific, unnameable terror.

Maybe anxiety just comes from the anticipation of

being so close to that fevered state.

It's like the narcotic effect, you know, of driving music

and the driving energy.

Like there's some trap door being pulled out from underneath you.

But more often than not, you just, like...

you swing down to a joyous place, you know?

My mum's from Anfield.

I was never a Liverpool fan

but, you know, all that side of the family's from Anfield.

It was expected that I would be, because I love football

but Dad supported QPR and that's always been my team

but the first games I went to were at Anfield.

I think I was four or five

and my dad got a couple of tickets and we were sat around the halfway line

but I spent the whole game just watching the Kop, you know

and this would've been the mid-'80s

so you can imagine what it was like.

A throbbing, writhing mass of bodies

which would occasionally break into something completely unified

seemingly spontaneous, you know, in that very small area

25,000 people crushed together

all suddenly burst into the same song

or the same hand gesture or raising scarves

or anything that tribal.

That fascinated me much more than the football.

Going to a match and singing and screaming

and shouting and jumping around

and then when the Taylor Report kicked in

and the terraces disappeared and they put seats in

it killed it for me, to be honest.

It was like being asked to go to a disco and not being able to dance or something.

That was everything for me

was to be part of that unit impassioned and together

and that's what really attracted me to music

cos I thought I'm never gonna score a goal and see the crowd go nuts.

But that was always what I wanted.

CROWD SCREAMS

Just to see bodies in chaos

and just a need for chaos and frenzy

so you can fully express everything.

I love being part of it. I love watching it.

And then the first sort of gigs I went to, I thought, fuck yeah.

It can still happen, you know?

CROWD WHISTLES AND ROARS

Early Stone Roses gigs were like, equivalent of religious experiences

to that generation, same as The Smiths.

They were a religious experience.

I felt that, I felt an affinity to that.

But it was like I'd come after Jesus had died, you know?

The Beatles did a lot of seated theatres to screaming teenage girls.

It was a different vibe, you know.

When the lyrics or the poetry of punk combined with

that rock and roll energy

it created a new crowd, which was more a mosh pit.

Like exactly the same as a football terrace, you know.

Tapped into something ancient, built into our DNA.

And I thought, fuck, you know, it can still...

it can still happen. People still do...

believe, if you like, you know.

So we put extra hours into building a church.

CROWD NOISE FADES

HE STRUMS

Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you?

Did she die in vain? - LAUGHTER ON TAPE

Now sit that chicken wing down!

I'm acting my own stuff.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

RAUCOUS GIGGLING

Chicken sandwich! - Wait a second!

You're a good guy!

GUITAR PLUCKS

TAPE WARBLING

I don't remember having that done.

I was so drunk, they shouldn't have done it cos apparently I could hardly walk.

And...

I was with two of my friends and they have tattoos as well

but I don't remember having it done.

I woke up and I was like "Oh, my God."

No, he's a good guy, but...

again, he has his moments, you know, when he's been awake for too long or...

He can be a bit silly. But we all can, you know.

But mainly, most of the time, he's too nice.

He's nicer than most people, that's for sure.

He's a very loyal person.

Who needs the television?

Well, we can edit that and have me in like a flying kick, knocking him out.

THEY PLAY INSTRUMENTS

Hard drugs entered my life

and slowly, slowly

very quickly took control.

I think I'd always had this air of mystery and fantasy

about laudanum and opium and cocaine

and Kubla Khan, Chatterton, Hunter Thompson.

So this horrible little wrap that I had of skanky, cheap street-quality heroin

in my mind became like a sacred key

to another dimension.

I was working in a bar at that time in Amwell Village

in London, called Filthy MacNastiy's

and I remember I had it in my pocket one night

and I remember closing up at the end of my shift

and locking the bar.

I lived in a little room upstairs.

And then smoking this heroin

and deliberately lying down

expecting these incredible dreams.

Floods and dragons.

It wasn't a very scientific study.

I had no understanding, really, of heroin.

That came later.

A couple of years later.

MUSIC CONTINUES

See, the moves I had in my fantasies

like, when I was younger, kicking a ball against the wall

and dribbling through the lampposts and trees

somehow it never quite made the leap into reality.

You know, the overhead kick that I perfected on my bed.

It never really worked out on the football pitch, you know?

For the school team.

And this kind of formulaic discrepancy between fantasy and reality

it plagued my creative freehold ever since, ever after.

Indeed it plays havoc with whatever area of my life knows the rules to havoc

and wants to play havoc.

Fancy a game of havoc?

Tomorrow I go to court.

Erm... I'll get a very stern look off the magistrate

and then she will review the situation and she'll say

"Look, last year, last July or whenever it was

you came here, you were very lucky not to go to jail.

We gave you an 18-month probation order.

It's quite clear that you have not respected, you know, this opportunity.

You haven't tested clean... that often."

Although I have tested clean quite a lot

so I have that in my favour.

And then she's going to say, "Right, I have no choice really but to

you know...

to give you a custodial sentence, otherwise people are going to...

you know, gonna think you're getting privileged treatment, and..."

She knows that I've got a huge...

A huge fear of going to jail.

It's fucking going to be hell.

So she's going to know I'm gonna be frightened.

So boring.

You know, you're just locked in a room 23 hours a day.

And then the other hour

you're either, like, walking around a concrete yard

with like, you know, hundreds of maniacs.

"Doherty!

Go on, son!

Wahey! You shagged Kate Moss!"

Yeah. It's really hard work on the head and the soul, I'd say.

You got no money, you got no phone, you got nothing.

You just...

you just got yourself and... back to basics.

But it's awful, it's really hard, and it's very...

You got no privacy, you can't even...

You can't even go to the toilet on your own, you know.

You share a room.

And because I'm famous and that

especially famous in that kind of world, that culture, you know

people read the tabloids and all kind of shit they write about me.

It's murder, it's right in your face, you know.

How is it? Is it every day?

I don't know. I don't read it to be honest.

I think it's been quite quiet recently.

The last thing I heard was that I was a Scientologist...

apparently.

You know, it's just complete rubbish.

I just take it for granted that people know that it's absolute shit.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that, you know.

RADlO CHATTERS IN FRENCH

Hello.

Oi! Oi! Oi!

What is success for you?

I was successful when I was begging, I suppose.

Talk about success. Er...

You know what? The only reason you've caught me there with that, actually

because you know how I think of my father.

I know one day things might be reconciled in a different way.

They might be reconciled in a successful way.

He always said to me, "Look..."

When it reached a stage

he understood that I wasn't going to be doing any of the things

that he might have had in mind for his son.

He just said to me...

"Whatever you do, be successful at it."

That's why he couldn't understand it when I...

I declared that me and this lad called Carlos

were going to make a go of a band and write songs

and become a successful songwriting partnership.

Because he said, "What did I tell you?

If you're going to do something, do it successfully."

He said, "You can't write songs.

You show no propensity towards musical accomplishment.

You can't sing. You're not even...

Son, what did I tell you?"

"You said be a success..."

Yeah, dad.

Look...

thanks to you and your military...

and the military background that you've given me

I've spent a lot of my time...

basically kicking stones on the corner of a street

on a crappy estate behind barbed wire

and I'm not allowed to do... be part of reality.

I devised my own reality.

And I've spent a long time in this fantasy world, and I assure you

right, this is meticulously coordinated.

It is going to be a success.

Alright, trust me.

Maybe happiness is not being able to know what's going to happen.

Maybe if we knew the end of the story, there wouldn't be any more story.

Are we forgotten?

Do we forget?

I can't remember how many times I've turned against the wall.

There comes a time when time itself doesn't matter anymore.

It's going to last years, this strange navigation

upon the indistinct shores of life.

Painting, it's like a close inspection of the psyche

incorporating an interpretation

and quite often a kind of filtration of society

and of the very small part of the world that I inhabit.

It's a desperate attempt that I make time and time again

to satisfy myself.

I'm slowly moving forward.

Tip, tip, tip... Tap, tap, tap...

And yet at the same time, going round in these circles

that bring me back to...

Oscar Wilde and Dostoyevsky and Joyce.

And the things really that inspired me in the beginning

and continue to do so.

And like... I get an enormous amount of pleasure

from messing about on canvasses, an enormous amount of pleasure.

It's not... it's not just my escape.

It's my arrival and my departure.

And... my first, my last, my everything.

I'm thinking...

Sold out!

If you look around this place, yeah, people know what a legend is.

If Oscar Wilde was alive today

he'd be chastised as Pete Doherty.

Oscar Wilde. Pete Doherty.

Same thing.

If Oscar Wilde was alive today, he'd be in prison.

CROWD WHOOPS

CROWD CHEERS

I re-read Crime and Punishment.

The fourth time now I've gone through that.

I love that book.

Is that a real guillotine? - Yeah.

Yeah?

The last one that killed someone in France. - No!

It is quite creepy, innit? - Yeah.

It's quite a strange way as well, isn't it? To... punish people?

It's like a public celebration, isn't it?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Fucking hell, it goes on, doesn't it?

How much punishment do they want?

Look at this, people are animals.

It's a fucking...

HE READS IN FRENCH

These are amazing.

Oh, my gawd.

Listen, you've got to take care of yourself at some point.

Yes, something does have to be done. You know, you're right.

You're right there.

You know, you've got to concentrate on yourself at some point.

If it's not going to be rehab, it's going to have to be an implant.

That's the two choices you've got at the moment.

You have to do something, right?

So... yeah.

Keep that thought there, you are.

You are going for an implant whether you like it or not.

I know... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be there, I'll come with you.

What's the fucking worst it can do?

Since how long I see Peter? I suppose maybe from

four or five or six years, cos it's quite special.

But not only Peter, with other patients

because they are so vulnerable, at the same time

they are very strong, they are arrogant.

They are proud, but they are so vulnerable.

The implant is a naltrexone implant.

When you talk about opiates, you can talk about two things

like the agonist and antagonist.

And that means that even if he's had drugs

it can do nothing.

The courts were saying, "Look, you have to get this blocker

or you go to jail."

Small capsule that releases pills once every couple of weeks.

Opiate blockers.

Awful.

Sorry, Peter.

Sorry, Peter...

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Can you feel this?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

That's the... another patient I have who made already four or five...

No face. No face.

That's another chap I had for the same thing.

Bop, bop, bop, bop.

Everyone wants to achieve a point where he can control himself

where he can work, where he can love.

And that's what Peter wants to do. He wants to be a normal...

of course, he likes the rush off the drugs, but he also wants to be a free guy

and with drugs, he can do nothing.

Get an implant or go to jail.

That was what I was being presented with half the time.

I mean, who are these people?

It's horrific what they did to me.

You're messing with powerful sides of the human psyche.

The fucking biological makeup of the brain.

You know, and I was the guinea pig. We were the guinea pig.

We really were.

Numbing of the spirit and of ambition.

What about the mind? What about the soul?

This is a programme about pubs and writers.

Writers in pubs, pubs in books.

Books in pubs...

Subjects that go together like cheese and onion, mild and bitter

not that you can find many pubs that will serve you that these days.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

How hard has it been for you to all get back in the room together?

Well, I think it has been quite hard.

You know, obviously, there's been a lot of...

It's cos you live in Denmark. - Fucking nightmare.

He lives in Denmark... - CROWD LAUGHS

He never answers his phone, and he's been starting a family.

It's odd really, like...

The way we've always communicated with each other successfully

is through music, and that sounds really naff but it's true.

And...

that's how and why we're together.

And... sorry. Oh!

Ah.

Sorry. How does it feel?

I don't know yet, cos we haven't actually been in a room alone together.

CROWD CHUCKLES - So...

Do you see this as part of your rehabilitation?

Rehabilitation from what?

Well, you know, your drug problems are well known.

Is this part...

Not really. I'm trying to keep that as quiet as possible, like.

CROWD LAUGHS

oh, really? You know.

As you can imagine, it's quite a...

You know, even just then, me and Carl had to sneak off for a crafty one

when John wasn't looking.

A crafty cigarette, yes, exactly.

This young man here. You have a question, yes?

Yeah, from Radio 1.

Have you talked about why you split in the first place yet?

Well, I don't think that's something that's...

I think it's pretty well documented, really. Um...

Really, I never got my side of the story out to be honest.

CROWD LAUGHS

Here we go...

does everyone want to get a pint, and we'll sit in a circle?

You know, forgive and forget.

That's what I say.

Apology accepted, right?

Yeah. - OK then, any more questions then?

We're wrapping up, so I'm sure...

Course, you've got the chemistry, I mean...

CROWD CHUCKLES

It's something I've been dreaming about for six years.

Just to get on a stage and say...

"We're The Libertines."

And it be real and we mean it.

With two crooked fingers, then that's the biggest euphoria.

It's a long time, four months away to Reading.

Heaven forbid, but if you do fall out again, what's going to happen?

If we fall out, it'll be the same as it ever was.

We're not gonna fall out. We're not gonna fall out before then.

"When The Lights Go out" by The Libertines

We're here waiting for Wolfman.

Outside Her Majesty's Prison Pentonville.

Trying to explain to Katia that women also work as prison officers.

And they love it. Yeah.

He should be coming through this gate.

They've told me anytime between now

which is 7:00 in the morning and 8:00 this evening.

So typical Wolfman really, fucking me about.

But it's a proud day for all of us.

And yeah... imagine living there.

I'll tell you about it. Come over here, love.

We have to hide.

We have to hide, cos they don't like me anyway in here.

Trust me. That's one thing I know from my time in prison.

They don't like me in there, they're not...

Their life is basically a brutal one.

The officers and the prisoners.

Mutual animosity. Mutual mistrust. Mutual hatred.

It's an aggressive place, a violent place, it's nasty.

A lot of the prisoners, a lot of the officers

basically are just, like, fucked up, twisted people

who live in an aggressive world.

But you have a laugh, you know.

Right, that's it, we'd better get off, cos it's like...

You can't just film around here.

What are you doing?

Who are you?

Four months in Pentonville.

I don't fancy that, mate.

Any interesting characters though?

Nah. Absolutely none.

All cunts, absolute cunts.

All of them. - Fucking hell.

And loads of people said that you owe them.

Yeah, they're gonna say that, aren't they? I don't owe anyone fuck all.

I'll pull over up there.

He's just had it so bad.

I can't believe he's been in the Ville for four months.

What a shithole that is.

Four months in Pentonville. - It's mental, mate.

Murderers. Rapists.

Wolfman. - HE LAUGHS

It was absolutely horrific.

I cried once in there.

Strong love of life, like no one else in brackets.

I've got to work out what I want to do, I'm counting down the hours.

Walk on you.

Walk on me, walk on by.

Try living like this. Living a lie.

GUITAR STRUMS

SINGING INDISTINCTLY

CONTlNUES SINGING INDISTINCTLY

Right, do you want to hear...

I woke up at 5:50AM, and I hit the emergency button.

They said I wasn't on the unlocked list.

And that it was not an emergency, and I'd get a red mark.

I was confused, and I had a coffee.

I weighted up the options.

Part of me wanted to attend and the other was hurt.

Another part was relieved that I wouldn't have to spend a day

in an uncomfortable cell cuffed in a sweat box.

They're horrible, those cells under the appeal court.

Eh? - They're horrible, those cells.

Oh, God.

That's where I went for my appeal, back in my burglary charge.

What's the stuff you've learnt?

I'm gonna be alright in life as long as I don't flop

and upset everyone by hiding away.

It was all confused. I didn't mean to hurt people, I just...

My view was, I'm not doing anything to you

because I didn't think anyone liked me.

I just felt completely worthless.

I've just found out, like...

I've just been working on my self...

Self-esteem, say it.

Self-esteem, yeah.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit vulnerable.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

CROWD WHOOPS

Hey!

CROWD CHEERS

CROWD CHEERS

CROWD WHISTLES AND APPLAUDS

CROWD CHEERS

So how do you feel these days?

Hmm? - How do you feel these days?

I'm quite grateful, I think, at the moment, you know

to be doing what I'm doing.

Libertines gig's this weekend.

Pressure's mounting but fuck me, it's gonna be a...

How were the first meetings with Carl and the boys?

I said stop that.

Yeah. Do you hear me?

Do you hear me? - I heard you.

Huh? - I heard you.

OK.

So you've stopped filming? - I did.

Yeah, oK.

It's like I'm wandering around in the dark.

I keep bumping into the truth every now and again

and I'm coming out with these odd bits of...

insight, but...

when it comes to The Libertines and all that

I can't think about it all too much, I'm too involved.

It's too, too...

I'm too confused.

I mean, for lots of reasons.

And no sense can come of it.

I can't really begin to imagine what's going on at the moment.

I'm sure I'm gonna look back on this time and gasp

and be pretty annoyed with myself, how I'm...

how I'm doing things, but...

It's all... Nah, actually, what am I talking about?

At the moment, it is difficult. Things are difficult the past few months.

I'm just waiting for these Libertines gigs to be done.

And to...

get over that enormous obstacle.

Enormous achievement, I think.

It's going to be fucking emotional. It's going to be fucking impossibly...

wonderful and stressful, probably going to kill me.

And I can just put paid to a lot of things, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Just spunk a lot of it.

I'm just...

destroying all these fucking...

facades of an existence, you know, like ending all these chapters

and then burning the fucking book.

I pray I can sit one day and watch this with you

and that this isn't, you know...

oh, God.

That you don't watch this bit of footage now, and, you know...

the day after my funeral or something.

I want to make it through to the other side.

I do, I do, I do...

I'm not going the right way about it, I know.

It's all wrong what I'm doing.

I'm going about it the wrong way.

CROWD CHEERS

GUITARS STRUM

"Don't Look Back Into The Sun" by The Libertines

Yeah!

CROWD SINGS ALONG TO TUNE

FOX CRIES

HARMONlCA PLAYS

HARMONlCA CONTlNUES

BIRDS CHIRP

WATER DRIPPING

CAT MEOWS

CAT MEOWS - Squish boo-boo...

There's no cat food. There's only fish.

CAT MEOWS - What? I'm sorry.

Sorry!

So fussy.

Look, if this fish is good enough for me, then it's good enough for you.

Oh!

It's definitely good enough for you now.

There you go.

Look at this mess, honestly, who lives here?

Great ramp of kabbible.

Maybe it'll take a little... oops.

Oh yeah.

Just to use up the last drops of... petrol.

There we go, all down his foot.

Ooh.

This is how the Chinese did it thousands of years ago.

Is this legal? Probably not.

OK...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Come on. Up you go, up you go!

Reserves, reserves...

Yeah. Go on, son!

Go on. Help it along. Help it along.

Whoa!

Whoa...

LOUD BANG - Hey!

I love the way the plastic... when it's melting, it drips down

like that, like melted time.

The passing hours and days and years...

Drip, drip, drip.

OK, show's over, kids.

Everyone out of the pool.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to The Cob Gallery for the first ever

Pete Doherty auction of his paintings and his artefacts.

Lot number one is a selection of guitars

owned, played, photographed in by Pete Doherty.

They're there. These are the guitars you're bidding on here.

?160 is down here.

?160.

At 160, 170 with bidder one.

180 with you.

25, in time.

Sold. ?2,000.

?2,000, and I am selling.

It is going once...

It is going twice.

It has now sold.

?1700 now, I have 1700.

1800 here is bid, 1800.

1900 now.

At 1900 for the desk.

GAVEL BANGS - Sold.

And sold, 440.

It has now sold. - GAVEL BANGS

Sold for ?1600.

Sold.

Sold.

Sold, ?1200.

And... sold!

?1300.

Sold, ?3000.

35. - CROWD CHEERS

And sold.

320 I had online there.

Last chance...

Last chance, ?2900 then.

GAVEL BANGS - 2900.

This is the most exciting painting of the evening.

Cos this is the personal work of Doherty

in conjunction with Amy Winehouse.

22,000 now.

At 22,000.

?25,000.

At 25,000.

At 20.

30. 35,000.

Last chance then.

Once.

Twice.

DEVICE BEEPS - Was that a bid?

CROWD LAUGHS

Too late! 4...

It's 35,000 down here.

It's 35,000 here.

At 35,000 then on the internet.

At ?35,000.

Yes?

MUSIC DlSTORTS

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Forever alive, forever forward. Stately.

Solemn.

Sad.

Withdrawn, baffled. Mad.

Turbulent. Feeble. Dissatisfied.

Desperate. Proud. Fond. Sick.

Accepted by men. Rejected by men.

If I wasn't on drugs, I probably wouldn't be in the place I'm in now

doing the things I'm doing

in most aspects of my life...

HISSING AND WHOOSHlNG

To be honest.

What do you mean? What do you mean?

What do you mean, want me to get better?

Well...

And why am I even asking you that? When I never...

Because none of us want to admit to not being well.

Or...

is it the opposite? People love to make out that they're ill.

You know, hypochondriac. Old people, like.

"How are you?" "Ooh! Me back!"

That was like me this morning admittedly, but...

"ooh, me back!"

You're obviously leaving something since...

what, a week?

Ten days, a week?

Five days, two days?

Not today. Now it's postponed again.

No... - You postponed your rehab.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So there's obviously something going on in your mind

for postponing all the time.

Yeah. - What's happening?

Um...

Waiting to see if there's another option

for salvation, waiting to see if...

if...

if all these fine minds

logical, intelligent, as well as being caring

if they conclude that rehab is the best option, then...

Well, hell. Who am I to fucking argue again and again and again?

Must be something in it. But then again, you never know.

You know... strange things do occur.

Someone might just come and save me. There might be another option.

I don't know.

Inside of those washed and trimmed faces behold...

a secret, silent loathing and despair.

Yeah, you're right. Something has changed.

I'm trying to get out of it, aren't I?

I'm trying to get out of it.

So right now, you do or you don't want to go?

I don't care.

Have the past struggles succeeded? What have they succeeded?

THUNDER RUMBLES

My call is the call of battle, I nourish active rebellion.

He going with me must go well armed.

He going with me goes often with spare diet

poverty, angry enemies, desertions.

Allons! The road is before us.

It is safe, I have tried it.

My own feet have tried it, be not detained.

Camerado, I will give you my hand!

I give you my love, more precious than money.

I give you myself before preaching or law.

Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

INDISTINCT SINGING

THUNDER ROARS

THUNDER ROARS

Seems like it's a message from the gods after all.

It's quite obvious what they're saying about Thailand.

They're saying, don't fucking go up there

in an aeroplane whatever you do. Jesus.

Putting it off. Putting it off, you know, putting it off in extremis.

Just...

Just one more bag and then we'll do it.

Trying to think of a way just to get myself through that period of grace at rehab.

Wanted to try and take something with me

so it was all about experiment with hollowing out apples and things

and little... you know, the lining of your dressing gown cord.

The lining of pants.

RADIO IN FRENCH:

241 kilometres!

241 kilometres, but where're we going?

Happiness!

Alright, we'll get there in no time.

Time had come.

I think I was just, I don't know, praying that God would intervene

and lightning would strike the rehab or something

if I put it off long enough, but it was still standing

and they just put me in this 4X4 and took me to the place.

And all periods of grace were cancelled.

This is a...

a crushed flower.

Crushed flower is just kind of symbolic of the addict in me

at the moment.

The crushed flower of my addiction.

BIRDS CHIRP, DISTANT MUSIC

Welcome, so here we are.

At the...

Well, hope, and hope changes everything.

It certainly changed me.

Well, I don't have a crack pipe in my mouth or in my pocket.

There's one in my cabin. But alas, there's no...

nothing to smoke in it.

And I don't really feel the need right this second

but then...

um...

Yeah. Day three.

I'm struggling.

I'm struggling with not taking drugs, of course

which is why I'm in rehab. Erm...

but I'm fit and healthy, ish.

I'm healing, all my sores are healing.

Er...

And I'm a bloody fool

because I'm plotting this and plotting that, but...

here I remain.

Over and out.

I am struggling a lickle bit today.

Er, yeah, I haven't had any methadone though, so...

But here we are in paradise. And yeah, just...

I think I need to sit down with my typewriter and my guitar

you know, for a few hours on my own, and...

you know, get back in touch with my creative ambitions

cos I know they're there, but...

I want dwugs, I want dwugs!

Wee! Me!

It's getting more and more difficult by the day, I guess.

Yeah, I'm Pete and I'm an addict. Yeah.

How dare they?

How dare I?

How dare I get fucking clean?

Mark my words, there will be hell to pay.

You can't just leave that monkey lying there by the side of the pool.

You gotta take it home and feed it.

Yeah. You know what's going to happen, don't you?

That monkey's gonna come crawling.

Might not be tonight. Might not be tomorrow.

But slowly, inch by inch

night by night, that monkey gonna find you.

It's gonna come and when you least expect it

it's gonna sneak up on you, go "bargh!"

No...

DISTANT ROCK MUSIC

"Corpses in their Mouths" by Ian Brown

Good day, really good day.

Probably the best day yet in treatment.

Feel... feel good, really.

Got over my relapse.

I think my body...

it's like I've got my energy back.

HE YAWNS

Um...

Carl came back too, as well, which is...

I was a little bit concerned about that.

But...

everything's...

everything's just as it should be, really.

I think. I love boo-boo.

INSECTS AND CREATURES CHIRP

They said getting clean was the easy bit.

And 15 years of blocked emotions

coming out...

that's going to be the tricky bit.

And that's what I'm running away from.

Because it has been quite an emotional...

couple of days, really.

Just the way everything makes me cry, really.

But anyway, you know...

I don't quite...

It made sense at the time.

I think I just needed to hear him say that that's how it was for him.

It is 10 o'clock on Thursday

20th of November.

And I'm clean.

I've got my piss test there.

Hang on a second. I'll go get it.

I'm clean of cocaine, clean of heroin

clean of amphetamines, and THC which is weed

and I'm also clean of methadone.

Now, I have had a Valium

so I'm not quite clean of Benzedrines yet, but...

I think that will do for today's message.

I feel proud.

I do feel proud.

OK. See you tomorrow.

Yeah. Last two days have been oK, I suppose.

Not much of a struggle.

But I feel good, went out tonight just me and boo-boo

and didn't have a drink, so...

you know, I'm OK, I'm good.

I feel clean. I do.

I mean, I'm here and I'm not using.

I have had a few drinks.

It's not really the same. I know, but it is.

I feel good, I feel at peace.

But I think the only way you can be clean is to follow the steps.

So...

We'll see, we'll see what happens.

We'll see.

"The Boy With The Thorn In His Side" by The Smiths

CROWD ROARS

Don't think it would ever have occurred to me

that he would appear on stage.

I wasn't ready for that, nor was I welcoming, particularly at first.

You can see me smiling

but I was genuinely shocked that he knew the words.

CROWD WHISTLES AND CHEERS

But he'd never come to gigs before.

I think that the only gig he'd ever seen was an early Libertines gig in Germany

because he was still posted in Germany in those days.

And then eight years of not talking to me.

And then another eight years, so it's 15 years now

since he's even been to a show

and he wanders on stage, you know... HE CHUCKLES

singing What A Waster and doing that strange gesture

for the lyric about having it going up her nose.

He is a bit of a karaoke maestro, I think anyway.

So all these years later, for him to come on

and know the lyrics as well, it was...

Honestly, I was a bit shocked

and embarrassed almost as much by the fact my mum came on stage

with a birthday cake.

And had this crowd singing Happy Birthday.

You know...

It's supposed to be like rock and roll mythology

but it was just like... a bit naff.

But I love them.

Happy birth...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" PLAYS

It made peace, you know.

Quite a magical moment.

I'm just grateful that he's not disowned me anymore, you know.

Funny old world, isn't it?

I've been through an incredible journey

of consciousness, unconsciousness, subconsciousness

and psychedelic, psychotropic consciousness

chemical and intellectual curiosity

which sadly led to great physical dependency

and physical degradation

from which I seem to have emerged.

Some days are more difficult than others.

It's a bit like a balancing act, a high wire act, you know.

Just keep from falling.

It was a deep immersion in that life

and there's a great difference between being clean

and being able to live happy and free, clean

you know?

I can be clean

but I'm still putting time between that immersion

and coming out of the waters.

It will take a little bit of time to dry.

I think I'd be interested in working with people

who are in the thick of addiction.

I think I'd be pretty well qualified to help them.

If anyone wants any help.

WAVES CRASH GENTLY

The talent is the man

and comes from the man, and comes from the artist

and doesn't come from the drugs

and it never has come from the drugs.

Part of the fun and the challenge of creating

is to create in spite of circumstances

so, in spite of being a drug addict

or in spite of being clean

I will create.

SEABIRDS CRY

"Looking For Someone Else To Be" by Pete Doherty and the Puta Madres