Original subtitles

[triumphant music]

[babies wailing]

[Jackhammer chiseling]

[whistling]

[clicking tongue]

[whistling]

[clicking tongue]

Yeah, D.B.?

Oh, just cleaning out the dead wood.

Okay.

Look, Mr. Connell, I just can't afford to be

without work right now, not even for a day.

I've got a mother and two kid sisters--

[woman] More good luck telegrams.

Well, you know how it is. I...

I've just got to keep on working, see?

Sorry, sister. I was sent down here to clean house.

I told you I can't use your column anymore.

It's lavender and no lace.

-[woman over intercom] Sir? -Send those other people in.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I get 30 dollars a week.

I'll take 25, 20 if necessary.

I'll do anything you say.

It isn't the money.

We're after circulation.

What we need is fireworks.

People that can hit with sledgehammers, start arguments.

Oh, I can do that.

I know this town inside and out.

Oh, give me a chance, please.

[Henry] All right, come in, come in, come in.

Cashier's got your check.

Who are these people?

Gibbs, Foley, Cunningham, Giles.

[Henry] Hey you, sister!

Don't forget to get out your last column before you pick up your check.

You're a couple of sticks shy on your column, Ann.

Big rich slob like D.B. Norton buys a paper

and 40 heads are chopped off.

-Did you get it too? -Yeah.

You too?

Aw, Joe.

Oh, I'm sorry darling.

Why don't we tear the building down?

Before you do, Ann, perhaps you better finish this column.

Yeah, lavender and no lace.

Wait, Joe.

Wait.

Wants fireworks, huh?

Okay.

[typewriter tapping]

[typewriter dinging]

Here.

"Below is a letter which reached my desk this morning.

It's a commentary on what we laughingly call

a civilized world.

"Dear Miss Mitchell,

four years ago I was fired out of my job.

Since then, I haven't been able to get another one.

At first, I was sore at the State Administration

because it's on account of the slimy politics here

we have all this unemployment,

but in looking around, it seems the whole world's going to pot.

So, in protest, I'm going to commit suicide

by jumping off the City Hall roof.

Signed, a disgusted American citizen, John Doe.'

Editor's note, if you ask this column,

the wrong people are jumping off the roofs."

Hey, Ann, this is the old fake-a-roo, isn't it ?

Never mind that, Joe, go ahead.

[Joe chuckling]

[indistinct chattering]

[glass shattering]

[reporters laughing]

[mouthing words]

[man] "'And it's because of the slimy politics

that we have all this unemployment here.

There it is.

That's D.B. Norton's opening attack on the Governor.

Why Jim, it's just a letter sent into a column.

No, no, I can smell it.

That's Norton.

[Governor] Good morning, gentlemen.

Good morning, Governor.

You're here rather early.

Governor, did you happen to see this in The New Bulletin?

Mm, yes, I had it served with my breakfast this morning.

Jim thinks it's D.B. Norton at work.

Of course it is.

Oh, come Jim, that little item?

D.B. Norton does things in a much bigger way.

This is his opening attack on you, Governor.

Take my word for it.

What did he buy a paper for?

Why did he engage a high pressure editor like Connell for?

He's in the oil business.

I tell you, Governor, he's after your scalp.

All right, Jim, all right.

Don't burst a blood vessel.

I'll look into it.

[woman over intercom] Yes, sir?

Get me Spencer of the Daily Chronicle, please.

Yes, yes, I saw it, Governor.

If you ask me, that's a phony letter.

Why, that gag has got whiskers on it.

Hmm?

Okay, I'll get the Mayor and maybe the Chamber of Commerce to go after them.

Get Mayor Lovett on the phone.

Sorry, the Mayor's busy on the other phone.

Yes, I know, Mrs. Brewster.

It's a terrible reflection on our city.

I've had a dozen calls already.

[man] Spencer at the Chronicle.

-Hold him. -[man] Just a minute.

Yes, Mrs. Brewster, I'm listening.

|I insist that this John Doe man be found

and given a job at once.

Now if something isn't done about it, I'll call out the whole Auxiliary.

Yes, and the Junior Auxiliary too.

We'll hold a meeting and see that it is.

Yes, Spencer?

-[Mrs. Brewster continues indistinctly] -Who?

The governor?

Well, what about me?

It's my building he jumping off of,

and I'm up for re-election too.

-Shh. -What are you doing?

-Get Connell at the Bulletin. -[Mrs. Brewster continues indistinctly]

Why, why, he's liable to go right past my win--

-Get me Connell. -What was that?

-What? -Out the window.

Something just flew by.

- I didn't see anything. -Well, don't stand there, you idiot.

Go and look. Open the window.

[Mrs. Brewster continues indistinctly]

Oh, why did he have to pick on my building?

-Is there a crowd in the street? -No, sir.

Then maybe he's caught on a ledge. Look again.

[Mrs. Brewster continues indistinctly]

I think it must have been a seagull.

A seagull?

What's a seagull doing around the City Hall?

That's a bad omen, isn't it?

Oh no sir, the seagull is a lovely bird.

It's all right, Mrs. Brewster.

It was just a seagull.

-Connell? -Nothing's happened yet.

I'm watching.

Don't worry, Mrs. Brewster.

Just leave it all to me.

Spencer, I'll call you back.

Hello, Connell?

This is--what are you doing?

This is the Mayor.

Yes, Mayor Lovett.

How many times you gonna call me?

I've got everybody and his brother and sister

out looking for him.

Did you see the box I'm running?

"An appeal to John Doe.

Think it over, John.

'Life can be beautiful,” says Mayor.

If you need a job, apply to the editor of this paper,”

and so forth and so forth.

Okay, Mayor, I'll let you know as soon as I have something.

What?

-[door opens] -Well, pull down the blinds.

Went up to Miss Mitchell's house, boss.

Boy, she's in a bad way.

-Where is she? -Hey, do you know something?

She supports her mother and two kids.

What do you know about that?

-Did you find her? -No.

Her mother's awful worried about her.

When she left the house, she said she was going on a roaring drunk.

The girl, I mean.

-Go out and find her. -Sure.

[telephone ringing]

Hey, but the biggest thing I didn't tell ya.

Her old man's Doc Mitchell, you know, the doc who saved my mother's life

and wouldn't take any money for it. You remember that.

Okay, boss, I'll go and look for her.

[stand clanging]

Holy smokes, Commissioner.

You've had 24 hours.

Okay, Hawkshaw, grab a pencil.

Here it is again.

About five-foot-five, brown eyes, light chestnut hair,

and as fine a pair of legs as--

Ever walked into this office.

-Did you want to see me? -No.

I've had the whole Army and Navy out searching for you

because that's a game we play here every day.

I remember distinctly being fired.

That's right, but you have a piece of property

that still belongs to this newspaper,

and I'd like to have it.

-What's that? -The letter.

-What letter? -The letter from John Doe.

-Oh. -[Henry] The whole town's in an uproar.

We've got to find him, and the letter's the only clue.

There is no letter.

We'll get a handwriting expert to--

What?

There is no letter.

Say that again.

There's no letter. I made it up.

You made it up.

Mm-hmm. You said you wanted fireworks.

Don't you know there are nine jobs waiting for this guy,

22 families want to board him free,

five women want to marry him,

and the Mayor's practically ready to adopt him, and you--

Just called the morgue, boss.

-They say there's a girl there-- -[Henry] Shut up!

-Ann! Say, why didn't you-- -Be any!

Only one thing to do, Hank.

Drop the whole business quickly.

-How? -Run a story, say John Doe was in here,

and is sorry he wrote the letter and--

That's right. You've got it, sure.

He came in here and I made him change his mind.

"Bulletin Editor Saves John Doe's Life."

Why, it's perfect.

I'll have Ned write it up.

Oh, Ned, I got a story I want you--

Wait a minute.

Listen, you great big, wonderful genius of a newspaperman.

You came down here to shoot some life into this dying paper, didn't you?

Well, the whole town's curious about John Doe and boom!

Just like that, you're going to bury him.

There's enough circulation in that man

to start a shortage in the ink market.

-In what man? -John Doe.

What John Doe?

Our John Doe, the one I made up.

Look, genius, now look.

Suppose there was a John Doe,

and he walked into this office, what would you do?

Find him a job and forget about the whole business,

I suppose, huh?

Not me, I'd make a deal with him.

-A deal? -Sure, when you get a hold of a stunt

that sells papers, you don't drop it like a hot potato.

Why, this is good for at least a couple of months.

You know what I'd do?

Between now and let's say Christmas, when he's gonna jump,

I'd run a daily yarn.

Starting with his boyhood, his schooling, his first job.

A wide-eyed youngster facing a chaotic world.

The problem of the average man,

of all the John Does in the world.

Now, then comes the drama.

He meets discouragement.

He finds the world has feet of clay, his ideals crumble.

So, what does he do?

He decides to commit suicide in protest against the state of civilization.

He thinks of the river, but no.

No, he has a better idea, the City Hall.

Why? Because he wants to attract attention.

He wants to get a few things off his chest

and that's the only way he can get himself heard.

-So? -So?

So, he writes me a letter and I dig him up.

He pours out his soul to me.

And from now on we quote, "I Protest,” by John Doe.

He protests against all the evils in the world,

the greed, the lust, the hate, the fear,

all of man's inhumanity to man.

Arguments will start.

Should he commit suicide or should he not?

People will write in, pleading with him, but no.

No, sir, John Doe will remain adamant.

On Christmas Eve, hot or cold, he goes, see?

Very pretty, very pretty indeed, Miss Mitchell,

but would you mind telling me who goes on Christmas Eve?

-John Doe. -What John Doe?!

The one we hire for the job, you lunkhead!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Let me get this through this lame brain of mine.

Are you suggesting we go out and hire someone

to say he's gonna commit suicide on Christmas Eve?

-Is that it? -Why, you're catching on.

-Who for instance? -Anybody.

-Beany will do. -Why, su--

Who, me?

Jump off a-- Oh no, anytime but Christmas.

I'm superstitious.

[cigarette stand clanging]

[sighs]

Miss Mitchell, do me a favor, will ya?

Go on out and get married, and have a lot of babies,

but stay out of the newspaper business.

[Pop] Better get that story in, Hank. It's getting late.

You're supposed to be a smart guy.

If it was raining 100 dollar bills,

you'd be out looking for a dime you lost someplace.

Holy smokes, wasting my time listening to this mad woman.

[Ned] Look, chief, look what the Chronicle's running on John Doe.

They say it's a fake.

Why, the no-good, the...

"John Doe story, amateur journalism.

It's palpably phony, it's a wonder anyone's taking it seriously.

-What do you think of those guys? -That's fine, that's fine.

Now fall right into their laps, go ahead.

Say John Doe walked in and called the whole thing off.

You know what that's gonna sound like on top of this.

-That's all, Ned. -Thank you.

All right.

Amateur journalism, huh?

Why, the bunch of sophomores.

I could teach them more about--

Hey, boss! Get a load of this.

-What? -[Be any] Look.

[Henry] What do they want?

[Be any] They all say they wrote the John Doe letter.

-[all clamoring] -Yeah, I wrote it, boss.

-Oh, they all wrote the letter. -Tell them all to wait.

Look, Mr. Connell, one of those men is your John Doe.

They're desperate and will do anything for a cup of coffee.

Pick one out and you can make the Chronicle eat their words.

I'm beginning to like this.

If you ask me, Hank, you're playing around with dynamite.

No, no, no, no, no, the girl's right.

We can't let the Chronicle get the laugh on us.

We've got to produce a John Doe now.

Amateur journalism, huh?

I'll show those guys.

Sure, and there's no reason for them to find out

the truth either, because naturally / won't say anything.

Okay, sister, you get your job back.

Plus a bonus.

What bonus?

Oh, the bonus of 1,000 dollars the Chronicle

was going to pay me for this little document.

You'll find it says that, "I, Ann Mitchell, hereby certify

that the John Doe letter was created by me--"

-I can read, I can read. -Sorry.

You think this is worth 1,000 dollars, do ya?

Oh, the Chronicle would consider it dirt cheap.

Packs everything including a gun.

Okay, sister, you got yourself a deal.

Now let's take a look at the candidates.

The one we pick has got to be the typical, average man.

Typical American that can keep his mouth shut.

[Pop] Show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and I'll eat him.

Okay, Be any, bring 'em in one at a time.

[indistinct clamoring]

[lively music]

[music continues]

[gentle music]

Did you write that letter to Miss Mitchell?

No, I didn't.

What are you doing up here then?

Well, the paper says there was some jobs around loose.

Thought there might be one left over.

Had any schooling?

Yeah, a little.

What do you do when you work?

-I used to pitch. -Baseball?

Yeah, 'til my wing went bad.

Where'd you play?

Bush leagues, mostly.

How about family? Got any family?

No.

Oh, just traveling through, huh?

Yeah, me and a friend of mine.

He's outside.

[whispering] Looks all right.

[whispering] He's perfect, a baseball player.

What could be more American?

[Henry] Wish he had a family though.

[Pop] Be less complicated without a family.

[Ann] Look at that face, it's wonderful.

They'll believe him. Come on.

[Henry] What's your name?

Willoughby, John Willoughby.

Long John Willoughby, they called me in baseball.

Um, would you, uh, would you like to make some money?

Yeah, maybe.

Would you be willing to say you wrote that letter and stick by it?

Mm, I get the idea.

Yeah, maybe.

[whispering] That's our man.

He's made to order.

[Henry whispering] I don't know.

He don't seem like the kind of a guy that'd fall in line.

[Ann] When you're desperate for money, you do a lot of things, Mr. Connell.

He's our man, I tell you.

He's fainted!

Get some water, quickly!

Hurry up, Pop.

Right here, sit down.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

How many is that, six?

Pretty hungry, weren't you?

All this John Doe business is batty, if you ask me.

Well, nobody asked you.

Trying to improve the world by jumping off buildings.

You couldn't improve the world if the buildings jumped on you.

Don't mind the Colonel. He hates people.

He likes you enough to stick around.

Well, that's 'cause we both play doohickeys.

I met him in a boxcar a couple of years ago.

I was fooling around with my harmonica and he comes over and joins in.

I haven't been able to shake him since.

[playing notes]

[both playing "William Tell Overture]

[playing stops]

All right boys, here he is.

No, no, no, you can't take pictures of him like that,

eating a sandwich and with a beard.

-But he's gonna jump off a building. -Yes, but not because he's out of a job.

That's not news.

This man's going to jump as a matter of principle.

Maybe you're right.

We'll clean him up and put him in a hotel room under bodyguards.

We'll make a mystery out of him.

Did you speak to Mr. Norton?

Thinks it's terrific.

Says for us to go the limit.

Wants us to build a bonfire under every big shot in the state.

-Oh, swell. Is that the contract? -Yeah.

What's he doing here?

[Ann] Friend of his. They play duets together.

Duets? But can we trust him?

-Oh. - I trust him.

Oh, you trust him, eh? Well, that's fine.

I suppose he trusts you too.

[Ann] Oh, stop worrying. He's all right.

Okay, but we don't want more than

a couple of hundred people in on this thing.

Now the first thing I want is an exact copy

of the John Doe letter in your own handwriting.

I've got it already, here.

That's fine.

Now I want you to sign this agreement.

It gives us an exclusive story under your name,

day by day, from now until Christmas.

On December 26th, you get one railroad ticket out of town,

and the Bulletin agrees to pay to have your arm fixed.

That's what you want, isn't it?

Yeah, but it's got to be by Bone-setter Brown.

Okay, Bone-setter Brown goes.

Here, sign it.

Meanwhile, here's 50 dollars spending money.

That's fine. Be any?

-Yes, boss. -Take charge of him.

Get him a suite at the Imperial and hire some bodyguards.

And some new clothes, Be any.

[Be any] Think we better have him deloused?

[Henry] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-[Be any] Both of them? -[Henry] Yes, both of them,

but don't let 'em out of your sight.

-Hey, Be any, gray suit, huh? -Yeah.

Okay, fellas.

Take it easy, John Doe.

And you, start pounding that typewriter.

Oh boy, this is terrific.

No responsibilities on our part,

just statements from John Doe, and we can blast our heads off.

Before you pop too many buttons,

don't forget to make out that check for 1,000.

Yeah.

Okay, fellas, now let me see.

You sit outside the door and nobody comes in, see?

You two fellas sit in here.

Hey, pretty nifty, huh?

You ain't gonna get me to stay here.

-Sure you are. -No, sir.

That spot under the bridge where we slept last night is good enough for me.

-Say, what'll I do with this baggage? -[Be any] Oh, stick 'em in the bedroom.

Give me mine, I ain't staying.

You know, we were headed for the Columbia River country

before all this John Doe business came up.

You remember that, don't ya?

Sure, I remember.

Say, did your ears pop coming up in the elevator?

Mine did.

Oh, Long John, I tell ya, it's no good.

You're gonna get used to a lot of stuff that's gonna wreck you.

Why, that 50 bucks in your pocket is beginning to show up on you already.

-[playing notes] -And don't pull that on me neither.

Stop worrying, Colonel. I'm gonna get my arm fixed out of this.

Hey, here's some cigars the boss sent us.

-Have one. -Hey, cigars!

-Help yourself. -No.

Say, I'll bet you even the Major Leaguers don't rate an outfit like this.

Here, make yourself comfortable. Paper?

I don't read no papers and I don't listen to radios neither.

I know the world's been shaved by a drunken barber

and I don't have to read it.

I've seen guys like you go under before.

Guys that never had a worry,

then they got a hold of some dough and went goofy.

The first thing that happens to a guy--

-Hey, did you get a load of the bedroom? -No.

The first thing that happens to a guy like that,

he starts wanting to go into restaurants

and sit down at a table and eat salad and cupcakes and tea.

Boy, what that kind of food does to your system.

The next thing the dope wants is a room.

Yes sir, a room with steam heat and curtains and rugs,

and before you know it, he's all softened up

and he can't sleep unless he has a bed.

Hey, stop worrying, Colonel.

50 bucks ain't gonna ruin me.

I've seen plenty of fellas start out with 50 bucks

and wind up with a bank account.

Hey, what's the matter with a bank account, anyway?

And let me tell you, Long John,

when you become a guy with a bank account,

they got ya!

Yes sir, they got ya.

-Who's got him? -The helots.

-Who? -[John] Hey

there's the City Hall tower I'm supposed to jump off of.

It's even higher than this.

Who's got him?

The helots.

-[John] Woo! -Hey, wait a minute.

You're not supposed to jump 'til Christmas Eve.

Do you want to get me in a jam?

If it's gonna get you in a jam, I'll do you a favor.

I won't jump.

And when they got ya, you got no more chance

than a road rabbit.

Hey, who'd you say was going to get him?

Say, is this one of those places where you ring if you want something?

Yeah, just use the phone.

Boy, I've always wanted to do that.

Hey, Doc, look. Look, Doc.

Give me that again, will ya?

Who's gonna get him?

The helots.

Who are they?

Listen, sucker, you ever been broke?

Sure, mostly often.

All right.

You're walking along, not a nickel in your jeans,

you're free as the wind, nobody bothers you.

Hundreds of people pass you by in every line of business,

shoes, hats, automobiles, radios, furniture, everything.

They're all nice, lovable people and they let you alone.

Now, is that right?

Then you get a hold of some dough, and what happens?

All those nice, sweet, lovable people become helots,

a lot of heels!

They begin creeping' up on you, trying to sell you something.

They get long claws and they get a stranglehold on you,

and you squirm and you duck and you holler

and you try to push 'em away but you haven't got a chance.

They got ya.

First thing you know, you own things.

A car, for instance.

Now your whole life is messed up with a lot more stuff.

You got license fees and number plates, and gas and oil,

and taxes and insurance, and identification cards

and letters and bills and flat tires and dents

and traffic tickets and motorcycle cops and courtrooms

and lawyers and fines and a million and one other things,

and what happens?

You're not the free and happy guy you used to be.

You gotta have money to pay for all those things.

So you go after what the other fella's got,

and there you are.

You're a helot yourself.

You win, Colonel. Here, take the 50.

Go out and get rid of it.

You bet I will, just as fast as I can.

I'm gonna get some canned goods, a fishing rod,

and the rest I'm gonna give away.

Give away?

Hey, get me a pitcher's glove.

I gotta get some practice.

Say, he's giving it away,

I'm gonna get me some of that.

Hey, come back here, you helot.

Will you send up five hamburgers with all the trimmings,

five chocolate ice cream sodas,

and five pieces of apple pie?

No, apple, with cheese.

Yeah, thanks.

[Ann] Hello there.

Well, well.

If it isn't the man about town.

All set, Miss Ann.

Hmm?

Oh, yes, let's go.

Um, let's see, we want some action in these pictures.

Action?

Mm-hmm.

-[photographer] That's good. -No, no, no.

This man's going to jump off a roof.

-Oh. -Here, wait a minute.

Let me comb your hair.

Sit down.

There, that's better.

You know, he's got a nice face, hasn't he?

Yeah, he's pretty.

[bodyguard and Be any chuckling]

Here, sit down.

Quiet, egghead.

All right, now a serious expression.

[chuckles] I can't. I'm feeling too good.

[Ann] Oh come on now, this is serious.

You're a man disgusted with all of civilization.

-With all of it? -[Ann] Yes, you're sore at the world.

Come on now.

Crabby guy, huh?

[Ann] Yeah.

No, no.

No, no.

No, look, you don't have to smell the world.

[all laughing]

With all those guys in the bleachers--

Never mind those guys.

All right, stand up.

Now, let's see what you look like when you protest.

Against what?

Against anything, just protest.

You got me.

Oh. Look, I'm the umpire,

and you just cut the heart of the plate with your fast one

and I called it a ball.

What would you do?

-Oh, you did, huh? -[Ann] Yeah.

Why can't you call it right, you bone-headed, big-eared--

-[Ann] Grab it, Eddie, grab it! -...pot-bellied...

[upbeat dramatic music]

[man] Extra, extra!

[music continues]

[newsboy] Read all about it! Extra!

[continues indistinctly]

-[music continues] -[newsboy] Read all about it!

Read all about it! [continues indistinctly]

[people clamoring]

I don't care whose picture they're publishing.

I still say that this John Doe person is a myth,

and you can quote me on that,

and I'm going to insist on his being produced for questioning.

You know as well as I do that this whole thing

is being engineered by a vicious man

with a vicious purpose, Mr. D.B. Norton.

[whistle blowing]

[motorcycles rumbling]

[whistling blowing]

[motorcycles rumbling]

Mr. Connell and Miss Mitchell are at the house, sir.

Oh, they are?

All right, come on.

[clicking tongue]

Personally, I think it's just plain stupidity to drop it now.

You should see his fan mail, thousands.

Why, it's going over like a house afire.

What are you afraid of, Connell?

It's doubled our circulation.

Yeah, but it's got everybody sore.

Ads are being pulled.

The governor's starting a libel suit.

What's more, they all know John Doe's a phony

and they insist on seeing him.

Well, what about it? Let them see him.

We'll go 'em one better, they can also hear him.

You own a radio station, Mr. Norton. Why not put him on the air?

Watch out for this dame, D.B. She'll drive you batty.

-Oh-- -Look, we can't let them

get to this bush league pitcher and start pumping him.

Good night! No telling what that screwball might do.

I walk in yesterday,

here he is standing on a table with a fishing pole, fly-casting.

Take my advice and get him out of town before this thing explodes in our faces.

If you do, Mr. Norton, you're just as much of a dumb cluck as he is, excuse me.

Now you got yourself a meal ticket and you hate to let it go.

Sure, he's a meal ticket for me, I admit it,

but it's also a windfall for somebody like Mr. Norton

who's trying to crash national politics.

That's what you bought the newspaper for, isn't it?

You want to reach a lot of people, don't you?

Well, put John Doe on the air and you can reach 130 million of 'em.

He can say anything he wants and they'll listen to him.

All right, we'll forget the Governor and the Mayor

and all the small fry like that.

This can arouse national interest.

If he made a hit around here, he can do it every place else in the country,

and you'll be pulling the strings, Mr. Norton.

Go down to the office and arrange for some radio time.

-But D.B., you're not gonna fall-- -I want it as soon as possible.

Okay, I just came in to get warm myself.

Come on, let's go.

[D.B.] Don't you go.

I want to talk to you.

Sit down.

This John Doe idea was yours, huh?

Yes, sir.

How much money do you get?

30 dollars.

30 dollars.

Well, what are you after?

I mean, what do you want, a journalistic career?

Money.

Money.

Well, I'm glad to hear somebody admit it.

Do you suppose you could write a radio speech

that would put that fellow over?

Oh, I'm sure I can.

Do it and I'll give you 100 dollars a week.

-100 dollars a-- -That's only the beginning.

You play your cards right

and you'll never have to worry about money again.

Oh, I knew it.

-Hello. -Hello.

-Whenever there's a pretty woman around. -[chuckles]

This is my nephew, Ted Sheldon, Miss Mitchell.

-How do you do? -How do you do?

All right, Casanova, I'll give you a break.

See that Miss Mitchell gets a car to take her home.

Always reading my mind, aren't you?

Thank you very much for everything.

And Miss Mitchell, I think from now on, you'd better work directly with me.

Yes, sir.

[dramatic music]

[typewriter clicking] [bright music]

Ahh!

[grunts]

[morose music]

-[typewriter clicking] -Hey!

Oh! I thought you were asleep.

[girl]] Good night, sis!

[girl 2] We just wanted to say good night.

[shouts] You little brats, you're just stalling.

I said good night.

-[girls and Ann shouting] -Come, come, come, children.

It's past your bedtime.

-[Ann] Now, go on. -Go on.

-[girl] Oh, all right. -Come on, come on. Come on, come on.

Stick a fork through me, I'm done.

I'll never get this speech right.

Oh yes you will, Ann dear.

You're very clever.

Yeah, I know.

What are you looking for?

Your purse. I need 10 dollars.

What for? I gave you 50 just the other day.

Yes, I know, dear, but Mrs. Burke had her baby yesterday.

Nine pounds, and there wasn't a thing in the house,

and then the Community Chest lady came.

And the 50's all gone, huh?

Who's the 10 for?

-The Websters. -The Websters.

You remember, those lovely people your father used to take care of?

I thought I'd buy them some groceries.

-Oh Ann, dear, it's a shame those poor-- -You're marvelous, Ma.

You're just like Father used to be.

Do you realize a couple of weeks ago, we didn't have enough to eat ourselves?

Well, yes I know, dear, but these people are in such need

and we have plenty now.

If you're thinking of that thousand dollars, forget it.

It's practically all gone.

We owed everybody in town.

Now, you just gotta stop giving all your money away.

Oh, Ann dear.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ma.

Oh, don't pay any attention to me.

I guess I'm just upset about all this.

Jeepers, here I am with a great opportunity to get somewhere,

to give us security for once in our lives, and I'm stuck.

If I could put this over, your Mrs. Burke can have six babies.

You mean this speech you're writing?

Yeah, I don't know.

I simply can't get it to gel.

I created somebody who's going to give up his life for a principle.

Hundreds of thousands of people are going to listen to him over the radio,

and unless he says something that's,

well, that's sensational, it's just no good.

Well, honey, of course I don't know what kind of a speech

you're trying to write,

but judging from the samples I've read,

I don't think anybody will listen.

What?

Darling, there are so many complaining political speeches.

People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio.

If you're going to have him say anything,

why don't you let him say something simple and real,

something with hope in it?

Your father were alive, he'd know what to say.

-[gentle music] -Oh, yeah.

Father certainly would.

-Wait a minute. -Hm?

[rattling] [music continues]

That's your father's diary, Ann.

Father's--?

I never knew he had a diary.

There's enough in it for 100 speeches,

things people ought to hear nowadays.

You be careful of it, won't you, dear?

It's always helped to keep your father alive for me.

You bet I will, Ma.

[indistinct clamoring]

Wait a minute. John Doe don't want to sign no autographs.

Well, what does he do all day?

What does he do all day?

-He's writing out his memories. -[all clamoring]

Sorry, lady, you can't see Mr. Doe.

He wants to be alone.

No. No, he just sits around all day and commutes with himself.

["Take Me Out to the Ball Game"]

Ball!

I don't know how you're gonna stand it

around here 'til after Christmas.

I'll bet you ain't heard a train whistle in two weeks.

Stee-rike !

[gentle music]

I know why you're hanging around.

["Take Me Out to the Ball Game"]

You're stuck on the girl.

That's all a guy needs is to get hooked up with a woman.

[seed cracking]

[playful plodding music]

What was that, a single?

First baseman dropped the ball.

Butterfingers!

Tough luck, pal.

["Take Me Out to the Ball Game"]

Guy has a woman on his hands, first thing he knows,

his life is balled up with a lot more things.

Furniture and...

[dramatic musical sting]

Did you get him?

You're out!

Swell.

What's this, the end of the eighth?

[John] Ninth.

Hey Be any, there's a couple of mugs from the Chronicle snooping around out here.

Ha!

[dramatic musical sting]

[playful music]

Come on, Angel face.

Gangway.

What's the score, Angel face?

Three to two, our favor.

Gee, that's great!

Hey, you got swell form there.

Must have been a pretty good pitcher.

Pretty good? Say, I was just about ready for the major leagues

when I chipped a bone in my elbow.

I got it pitching a 19-inning game.

197

Yeah.

There was a Major League scout there watching me too,

and he came down after the game with a contract.

You know what?

I couldn't lift my arm to sign it.

I'll be okay though, soon as I get it fixed up.

Yeah, it's too bad.

What do you mean, too bad?

Huh?

Oh, that you'll never be able to play again.

What are you talking about?

I just told you I was gonna get my--

[man] You know how they are in baseball if a guy's mixed up in a racket.

Racket? What do you mean?

Well, I was just thinking about this John Doe business.

Why, as soon as it comes out it's all a fake,

you'll be washed up in baseball, won't you?

Yeah.

Doggone, I never thought about that.

[somber ocarina music]

-Gosh! -And another thing,

-what about all the kids in the country? -[music stops]

The kids that idolize ball players?

What are they gonna think about ya?

Yeah.

Hey, Colonel.

[jaunty ocarina music]

Did you hear that?

I gotta figure some way out of this thing.

Elevators are still running.

-[jaunty ocarina music] -I know one way you can do it.

-[music is tops -How? ]

Well, when you get up there on the radio,

all you have to do is say the whole thing's a frame-up.

Make you a hero, sure as you're born.

Yeah, but how am I gonna get my arm fixed?

That's a cinch.

I know somebody who'll give you 5,000 dollars just to get up on the radio

and tell the truth.

5,000 dollars?

Yeah, 5,000 dollars and he gets it right away.

You don't have to wait 'til Christmas.

Look out, Long John, they're closing in on you.

Say, who's putting up this dough?

Fella runs the Chronicle.

Here's the speech you make and it's all written out for you.

5,000 dollars. Holy mackerel!

I can see the helots coming, the whole army of them.

[man] It's on the level.

[lively music]

No, I'm sorry, tickets for the broadcast are all gone.

Phone the Bulletin.

Sorry, no more tickets left.

[indistinct clamoring]

[Ann] Hello, John, all set for the big night?

-Swell! -[Be any] Turn around.

-One moment, Mr. Doe. -Now stand still.

-Hold it, Mr. Doe. -[man] Big smile, Mr. Doe.

-That's swell. -Okay, Be any, that's enough, take 'em out.

[indistinct chattering]

Now look, John, here's the speech.

It's in caps and double spaced.

You won't have any trouble reading it.

-Not nervous, are you? -No.

Of course not. He wouldn't be.

-Who? -John Doe, the one in there.

Hey, don't let your knees rattle. It picks up on the mic.

Oh, Be any.

-[telephone ringing] -You needn't be nervous, John.

All you have to remember is to be sincere.

Pick up that phone, Miss Mitchell. It's for you.

[Ann] Okay. Hello?

Yes, Mother.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Oh, there he is, the poor dear man.

Oh, good luck to you, Mr. Doe.

We want you to know that we're all for you.

-The girls all decided-- -[Ann speaking indistinctly]

...that you're not to jump off any roof at all.

[indistinct chattering]

-You got the speech I gave ya? -Yeah.

Now look, I'll give this money to the Colonel

just as soon as you get started.

We'll have a car waiting at the side entrance for you.

-Okay. -How'd you get in here?

Huh? Oh, I just came in to wish him luck.

Come on, out, out!

Mother says good luck, too.

John, when you read that speech, please, please believe every word of it.

He's turned out to be a wonderful person, John.

-Who? -John Doe, the one in the speech.

-Oh. -You know something?

I...I've actually fallen in love with him.

All right, there he is, sister. Now come on, plenty of oomph.

-What's the idea? -No, no, no, that's too much.

That's not--that's not-- no, no, not so much.

Come on.

Oh, this is no time for cheap publicity, Mr. Connell.

Listen, if that guy lays an egg, I want to get something out of it.

I'm getting a Jane Doe ready.

Oh, come on, will you fellas? Give me a chance.

-[indistinct chattering] -[Ann] That's fine honey, you go ahead.

[indistinct crowd chatter]

How you doing?

-[Ann] -All right, Be any, bring them in.

Holy smoke, a half a helot.

There you are, boss, just like you ordered.

Symbols of little people.

[Henry] Okay, get "em up.

[Be any] All right, little fella.

[Ann] This is ridiculous, Mr. Connell.

Come on, give me a chance.

The man's on the air pretty soon.

[indistinct crowd chatter]

I told you, you'll get all the pictures you want after.

No, come on, after.

-[indistinct chattering] -[Ann] Come on, come on, that's right.

Afterwards, you can get all the pictures you want.

-[man] Thank you very much. -[Ann] Come on, will ya?

-That's right. -Come on, Snooks, you better bail out.

Okay, goodbye, Mr. Doe.

-Be any! -All right, all right.

Better get ready. One minute to go.

Wow, one minute to go, and the score's nothing to nothing.

Now please, John, you won't let me down, will ya?

Will ya?

Of course you won't.

If you'll just think of yourself as the real John Doe.

Listen, everything in that speech are things

a certain man believed in.

He was my father, John, and when he talked, people listened,

and they'll listen to you, too.

Funny, you know what my mother said the other night?

She said to look into your eyes,

that I'd see Father there.

Hey, what do you say?

[Ann] Okay, we're coming. Come on.

Now, listen, John.

You're a pitcher.

Now get in there and pitch.

Good luck.

[man] Give him room, let him through. Come on.

[crowd chattering] [musicians warming up]

[crowd cheering, applauding]

Hey, let's get outta here.

There's the door right there.

Hey, what are you doing here?

That's what I'd like to know.

Come on, out, out!

Hey, he's a friend of mine.

[Ann] Never mind, let him alone. He's all right.

I'll be right over there pulling for you.

No, John, over here.

Stand by.

[audience applauding]

[mouthing words]

Phone the Chronicle. Tell 'em to start getting those extras out.

[introductory music]

And good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Kenneth Fry speaking for The New Bulletin.

Tonight, we give you something entirely new and different.

Standing beside me is the young man

who has declared publicly that on Christmas Eve

he intends to commit suicide, giving as his reason, quote,

"I protest against the state of civilization."

End quote.

Ladies and gentlemen, The New Bulletin takes pleasure

in presenting the man who is fast becoming

the most talked-up person in the whole country, John Doe!

[musicians playing "He's a Jolly Good Fellow"]

[audience applauding]

[music ends] [applause fades]

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am the man you all know as John Doe.

I took that name because it seems to describe...

because it seems to describe the average man, and that's me. [voice cracks]

[clears throat] [audience laughing]

...and that's me.

Well, it was me before I said I was going to jump off

the City Hall roof at midnight on Christmas Eve.

Now I guess I'm not average anymore.

Now I'm getting all sorts of attention from big shots too.

We've been double crossed.

-[whispers] We have. -[John] The Mayor

and Governor, for instance,

they don't like those articles I've been writing.

[Spencer] You're an impostor, young fella!

That's a pack of lies you're telling!

[audience chattering indistinctly]

Who wrote that speech for you?

[audience clamoring]

Be any, get that guy!

[Spencer] This is a publicity stunt for the Bulletin!

Spencer.

[host] Ladies and gentlemen, the disturbance you just heard

was caused by someone in the audience who tried to heckle Mr. Doe.

The speech will continue.

Well, people like the Governor,

people like the Governor and that fella there can stop worrying.

I'm not gonna talk about them.

I'm gonna talk about us, the average guys, the John Does.

If anybody should ask you what the average John Doe is like,

you couldn't tell him because he's a million and one things.

He's Mr. Big and Mr. Small.

He's simple and he's wise.

He's inherently honest,

but he's got a streak of larceny in his heart.

He seldom walks up to a public telephone

without shoving his finger in the slot to see

if somebody left a nickel there.

[audience laughing]

[John] He's the man the ads are written for,

he's the feller everybody sells things to.

He's Joe Dokes, the world's greatest stooge,

and the world's greatest strength.

[clears throat] [audience chuckling]

[John] Yes, sir. [clears throat]

Yes, sir, we're a great family, the John Does.

We're the meek who are--who are supposed to inherit the Earth.

You'll find us everywhere.

We raise the crops, we dig the mines, work the factories,

keep the books, fly the planes, and drive the buses,

and when a cop yells, "Stand back there, you,"

he means us, the John Does.

What kind of a speech is that?

Didn't you read it?

[John] We've existed since time began.

We built the pyramids, we saw Christ crucified,

pulled the oars for Roman emperors,

sailed the boats for Columbus,

retreated from Moscow with Napoleon,

and froze with Washington at Valley Forge.

Yes, sir, we've been in there dodging left hooks

since before history began to walk.

In our struggle for freedom,

we've hit the canvas many a time,

but we always bounce back because we're the people and we're tough.

[audience applauding]

They've started a lot of talk about free people going soft,

that we can't take it.

That's a lot of hooey!

A free people can beat the world at anything from war

to tiddlywinks if we all pull in the same direction.

[audience applauding]

I know a lot of you are saying,

"What can I do?

I'm just a little punk.

I don't count.”

Well, you're dead wrong.

The little punks have always counted

because in the long run, the character of a country

is the sum total of the character of its little punks.

[audience applauding]

[John] But we've all got to get in there and pitch.

We can't win the old ball game unless we have teamwork,

and that's where every John Doe comes in.

It's up to him to get together with his teammate,

and your teammate, my friends, is the guy next door to you.

Your neighbor, he's a terribly important guy,

that guy next door.

You're gonna need him and he's gonna need you,

so look him up.

If he's sick, call on him.

If he's hungry, feed him.

If he's out of a job, find him one.

To most of you, your neighbor is a stranger,

a guy with a barking dog and a high fence around him.

Now, you can't be a stranger to any guy

that's on your own team.

So tear down the fence that separates you.

Tear down the fence,

and you'll tear down a lot of hates and prejudices.

Tear down all the fences in the country,

and you'll really have teamwork.

[audience applauding]

[John] I know a lot of you are saying to yourselves,

"He's asking for a miracle to happen.

He's expecting people to change all of a sudden.”

Well, you're wrong. It's no miracle.

It's no miracle, because I see it happen once every year

and so do you, at Christmas time.

There's something swell about the spirit of Christmas,

to see what it does to people, all kinds of people.

Now why can't that spirit, that same warm Christmas spirit,

last the whole year round?

Gosh, if it ever did,

if each and every John Doe would make that spirit last 365 days out of the year,

we'd develop such a strength,

we'd create such a tidal wave of goodwill

that no human force could stand against it.

Yes sir, my friends,

the meek can only inherit the Earth

when the John Does start loving their neighbors.

You better start right now.

Don't wait 'til the game is called on account of darkness.

Wake up, John Doe, you're the hope of the world.

John, you were wonderful.

[audience cheering, applauding]

-[John] Let's get out of here. -Now you're talking.

[cheering, applauding continue]

[indistinct clamoring]

[Colonel] Gangway, you helots!

[clamoring continues]

[frogs croaking] [fire crackling]

I knew you'd wake up sooner or later.

[sticks snapping]

Boy, am I glad we got out of that mess.

I had the 5,000 bucks sewed up.

Could've been on my way to 'old Doc Brown.

"You're a pitcher, John,” she says. "Now go in there and pitch."

What a sucker!

Eh, she's a helot just like the rest of 'em.

It's lucky you got away from her.

What was I doing up there making a speech, anyway?

Me, huh?

Geez, the more I think about it, the more I could--

Tear down all the fences!

Why, if you tore one picket off of your neighbor's fence, he'd sue you.

5,000 bucks, had it right in my hand.

What do you mean, he ran away?

-[telegraph clicking] -Well, go after him, find him.

That man is terrific.

[train engine chugging] [whistle blowing]

[Colonel] Columbia River, here we come!

[plays notes]

[buzzing lips in rhythm]

[imitating drum-roll]

[playing jaunty music]

[whistle blowing]

[lively music]

Jitterbugs.

Yeah.

Say, how much money we got left?

Four bits.

Better make it doughnuts, huh?

Yeah.

[music continues]

[playing along to music]

[clapping, drumming]

What'll it be, gents?

Have you got a couple of steaks about that big and that thick?

Yeah, with hash brown potatoes and tomatoes

and apple pie and ice cream and coffee?

And doughnuts, I know.

Hey, Ma!

Sinkers, a pair.

[woman] Sinkers, a pair, coming' up.

Glad he took the "T" out of that.

[music continues]

Hey, look.

[Colonel] "Join the John Doe Club."

[John] John Doe Club?

[music continues]

Uh-oh.

[mouthing words]

-Are you John Doe? -Who?

-John Doe. -Ah, you need glasses, buddy.

Ha! Well, gee-- It's the spitting image of John Doe.

Yeah, but his name is Willoughby.

Long John Willoughby. I'm a baseball player.

Sure.

Oh no, I'd know that voice anywhere.

You can't kid me.

You're John Doe.

Hey, Ma, Ma!

That John Doe!

John Doe!

Yeah, sitting right there, big as life.

[man] Who'd you say it was?

John Doe, the big guy there.

[all clamoring]

Hey operator, Dan's Beanery.

Call everybody in town.

John Doe was just in my place.

Yeah, he ordered doughnuts.

[indistinct clamoring]

[brakes squealing] [car horn honking]

You're all here to see John Doe and you're all neighbors,

but my office is packed like a sardine box.

What does John Doe look like, Mr. Mayor?

Oh, he's one of those great, big, outdoor type men.

No, you can't see him, you didn't vote for me the last time.

Shame on you, what are you doing here?

Get off my front porch anyhow.

Mr. Norton come yet?

I wonder where he's at, what's keeping him?

He should've been here 15 minutes ago.

-Oh, th--there he comes now. -[police siren wailing]

Now everybody on your dignity.

Don't do anything to disgrace us, a little town, but we gotta show off.

Better let me talk to him.

All right, but present it to him as a great cause for the common man.

[Mayor Hawkins] Oh, here he comes. Give him room down there.

Give him room, folks.

Come on now, come on, here they come.

Here they come. Here, Mr. Norton.

Here he comes. How do you do, Mr. Norton?

I'm Mayor Hawkins.

Come back here!

Let me go, you darn fool.

I'm the Mayor.

Mr. Norton, Mr. Norton, Mr. Norton.

I'm Mayor Hawkins.

Your office telephoned me to hold him.

-That's fine. How is he? -Oh, he's fine.

He's right in my office there.

You know, it's a big honor having John Doe here, and you too.

Haven't had so much excitement since the old City Hall burned down.

People so excited, they nearly tore his clothes off.

Matilda, darling, phone the newspapers.

Tell them Mr. Norton's here. Step right inside, Mr. Norton.

My office, very comfortable here, Mr. Norton.

Just had it air-conditioned. Gangway, please.

Make room for Mr. Norton.

Gangway, gangway.

Here he is, Mr. Norton, well taken care of.

The neighbors are serving him a light lunch.

Hello, John.

Hello.

Mr. Mayor, if you don't mind, we'd like to talk to him alone.

Why, certainly, certainly.

All right, everybody, clear out.

Everybody, quickly now.

[indistinct chattering]

Come on. That's right.

That's right. That's right. Come on.

-[whispering indistinctly] -Don't argue with me here.

-Wait "til we get home. -Don't you push me around like that.

Even though I'm your wife, you can't push me around!

Look, Mr. Norton, I think you got a lot of nerve

having those people hold us here.

[chuckling] There's nobody holding you here, Mr. Doe.

It's only natural that you--

Well, if there's nobody holding us here, let's get going.

Incidentally, my name isn't Doe. It's Willoughby.

Look, John.

Something terribly important's happened.

They're forming John Doe Clubs.

We know of eight already and they say that there's--

-John Doe Clubs? What for? -Mm-hmm.

To carry out the principles you talked about in your radio speech.

I don't care what they're forming.

I'm on my way and I don't like the idea of being stopped, either.

Oh, but you don't know how big this thing is.

You should see the thousands of telegrams we've received,

and what they're saying about you.

Look, it started as a circulation stunt, didn't it?

Well, you got your circulation.

Now, why don't you let me alone?

Oh, it started as a circulation stunt but it isn't anymore.

Mr. Norton wants to get back of it

and sponsor John Doe clubs all over the country.

He wants to send you on a lecture tour.

-Me? -Uh-huh.

Well certainly.

With your ability to influence people, it might grow into a glorious movement.

Say, let's get something straight here.

I don't want any part of this thing.

If you got an idea I'm going around lecturing to people, why, you're crazy.

Baseball's my racket and I'm sticking to it.

Come on, Colonel, let's get out of here.

John, please.

Please, please, I just got rid of one crowd.

But please, Mr. Mayor, tell him the John Doe Club wants to talk to him.

Let them in, Mr. Mayor, let them come in.

Okay, folks, but remember your manners.

No stampeding.

Walk slow, like you do when you come to pay your taxes.

Okay, all right. Give me a chance.

Come right in.

My name's Bert Hansen, Mr. Doe.

I'm the head soda-jerker at Schwabecker's drugstore.

Well, sir, you see, me and my wife,

we heard your broadcast and we got quite a bang out of it,

especially my wife.

Kept me up half the night saying,

"That man's right, honey.

The trouble with the world is nobody gives a hoot about his neighbor.

That's why everybody in town is sore and cranky at each other.”

And I kept saying, "Well, that's fine, but how's a guy gonna go around

loving' the kind of neighbors we got?"

Old Sourpuss, for instance.

You see, Sourpuss Smithers is a guy lives all alone next door to us.

He's a cranky old man that runs a second-hand furniture store.

We haven't spoken to him for years.

I always figured he was an ornery old gent that hated the world

'cause he was always slamming his garage door and

playing the radio so loud he kept half the neighbors up.

[crowd laughing]

Well, anyway, the next morning I'm out watering the lawn

and I look over and there's Sourpuss on the other side

of the hedge, straightening out a dent in his fender,

and my wife yells to me out the window, says,

"Go on, speak to him, Bert,"

and I figured, well heck, I can't lose anything,

so I yelled over to him,

"Good morning, Mr. Smithers."”

He went right on pounding his fender.

Was I burned, so I turned around to give my wife

a dirty look and she said,

"Louder, louder, he didn't hear you."

So in a voice you could've heard in the next county I yelled,

"Good morning, Mr. Smithers!"

[crowd laughing]

Well, sir, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

Old Sourpuss turned around, surprised like,

and he put on a big smile,

came over and took my hand like an old lodge brother and he said,

"Good morning, Hansen.

I've been wanting to talk to you for years,

only I thought you didn't like me,"

and then he started chatting away like a happy little kid,

and he got so excited his eyes...

Well, Mr. Doe, before we got through I found out

Smithers is a swell egg, only he's pretty deaf

and that accounts for all the noises.

He says it's a shame how little we know about our neighbors,

and then he got an idea and he said,

"How's about inviting everybody some place where we can all

get together and know each other a little better?"

Well, I'm feeling so good by this time,

I'm ripe for anything, so Smithers goes around

the neighborhood inviting everybody to a meeting

at the schoolhouse and I tell everybody that comes

into the store, including Mr. Schwabecker, my boss.

Oh, I'm talking too much.

[indistinct chattering]

Well, I'll be doggone if 40 people don't show up.

Course, none of us knew what to do, but we sure got a kick

out of seeing how glad everybody was

just to say hello to one another.

Tell him about making Sourpuss chairman, honey.

Oh yeah, we made Sourpuss chairman and decided

to call ourselves the John Doe Club.

And say, incidentally, this is my wife.

Come here, honey.

This is my wife, Mr. Doe.

How do you do, Mr. Doe?

[stammers] Sourpuss is here, too.

[Bert] Oh, is he?

[crowd laughing]

This is Sourpuss, or excuse me, Mr. Smithers, Mr. Doe.

That's all right.

If you didn't call me Sourpuss, it wouldn't feel natural.

[crowd laughing]

[Bert] Well, anyway, I guess nearly everybody in the neighborhood

came except the Delaney's,

and the Delaney's live in a big house with an iron fence around it

and they always keep their blinds drawn,

and we always figured that he was just an old miser

that sat back counting his money,

so why bother about inviting him,

until Grimes, the milkman, spoke up, and he said,

"Say, you've got the Delaney's all wrong,"

and then he tells us about how they canceled their milk last week,

and how when he found a note on the bottle,

he got kinda curious-like and he sort of peeked in under the blinds

and found the house was empty.

"If you ask me," he says, "they're starving."

Old man Delaney has been bringing his furniture

over to my place at night, one piece at a time, and selling it.

[Bert] Yeah. And well sir, a half a dozen of us ran over there

to fetch him and we brought him to the meeting,

and what a reception they got.

Well, everybody shook hands with him

and made a fuss over them, and well, finally,

Mr. and Mrs. Delaney just sat right down and cried.

[Smithers] And then we started to find out about a lot of other people.

Yeah sure. Well, you know Grubbel, for instance.

Grubbel's here, see?

Yeah, that's him.

Of course, you don't know Grubbel,

but he's the man everybody figured was the worst no-account

in the neighborhood because he was living like a hermit,

and nobody would have anything to do with him,

that is, until Murphy, the postman, told us the truth.

Why, Grubbel, he says, he lives out of garbage cans

because he won't take charity,

'cause it'd ruin his self-respect, he says.

Just like you said on the radio, Mr. Doe.

Well, sir, about a dozen families got together

and gave Grubbel a job watering their lawns,

isn't that wonderful?

And then we found jobs for six other people

and they've all gone off relief.

And my boss, Mr. Schwabecker, made a job in his warehouse for old man Delaney.

And he gave you that five-dollar raise.

-Yeah, wasn't that swell? -[crowd laughing]

Why, Bert, I feel slighted.

I'd like to join, but nobody asked me.

I'm sorry, Mayor, but we voted that no politician could join.

Just the John Does of the neighborhood,

'cause you know how politicians are.

[crowd laughing]

Yeah.

Well, the reason we wanted to tell you this, Mr. Doe,

was just to give you an idea of what you started,

and from where I'm sitting, I don't see any sense

in you jumping off any building.

[crowd] No!

Well, thank you for listening.

Goodbye, Mr. Doe.

You're a wonderful man,

and it strikes me you can be mighty useful walking around for a while.

-[Mrs. Hansen] Goodbye. -Goodbye, Mr. Doe.

[indistinct chattering]

I'm Mrs. Delaney, Mr. Doe.

God bless you, my boy.

[door clicking shut]

Gee whiz, I'm all mixed up.

I don't get it.

Look, all those swell people think

I'm gonna jump off a building or something.

I never had any such idea.

Gosh, a fella would have to be a mighty fine example himself

to go around telling other people how to...

Say, look, what happened the other night was on account of Miss Mitchell here.

She wrote the stuff.

Don't you see what a wonderful thing this can be?

But we need you, John.

[Colonel] You're hooked.

I can see that right now, they got you.

Well, I'm through.

For three years I been trying to get you up to the Columbia River country.

First it was your glass arm, then it was the radio,

and now it's the John Doe Clubs.

Well, I ain't waiting another minute.

[indistinct chattering]

Gangway, you helots!

[crowd gasping, muttering]

Hey Colonel, wait a minute.

-[indistinct clamoring] -Hey, Colonel!

I want you personally to go along with John Doe

and Miss Mitchell and handle the press and the radio.

-Me? -Yes.

I don't want to take any chances, and Johnson?

[Johnson] Yes, D.B.?

Your crew will do the mop up job.

They'll follow John Doe into every town,

see that the clubs are properly organized and the charters issued.

[Johnson] Right.

There are only eight flags up there now.

I want to see that map covered before we get through.

[exciting music] [airplane whirring]

[crowd cheering]

[music continues] [sirens blaring]

[music continues] [no audible dialogue]

[typewriter clicking] ["Farmer in the Dell”]

[no audible dialogue]

[lively music] [crowd cheering]

This has been growing like wildfire.

If they made demands, I'd understand it,

but the John Does ask for nothing.

People are going off relief.

If this keeps up, I'll be out of a job.

Soon as he gets strong enough, we'll find out what John Doe wants.

30 every Thursday, 60 at 60, who knows what?

I'm sorry, boss, they just won't let anybody talk politics with him.

It's crazy.

We've got to get to him.

They represent millions of voters.

[exciting music] [crowd cheering]

[D.B.] I tell you, ladies and gentlemen,

this thing has been nothing short of a prairie fire.

We've received so many applications for charters

to the John Doe clubs, we haven't been able to take care of them.

I'd hate to have that many pins stuck in me.

[advisors laughing]

This John Doe convention is a natural.

It's going to put our city on the map.

Why, over 2,400 John Doe Clubs are sending delegates.

Can you imagine that?

You, Mr. Mayor, will be the official host.

You will make the arrangements for decorating the city,

parades, and a reception for John Doe when he gets home,

and don't wear your high hat.

No high hat?

[D.B.] No high hat, and from you, Connell,

I want a special John Doe edition every day

until the convention is over,

and now, if you will please, step into the outer office

and look your prettiest because there are

photographers there to take pictures of this committee.

[man] Don't worry, D.B. Everything will be taken care of.

-[D.B.] Sure. -[woman] Isn't it all too wonderful?

[indistinct chattering]

[photographer] Mr. Mayor, would you step down in front, please?

You ladies get close to him. That's it.

-Well, I don't get it. -Get what?

Look, D.B., I'm supposed to know my way around.

This John Doe movement's cost you a fortune.

Now, this convention is gonna cost plenty.

Well?

Well, I'm stuck with two and two and I'm a sucker if I can make four out of it.

Where do you come in?

I have the satisfaction of knowing that my money

has been spent for a worthy cause.

I see. I better stick to running the paper, huh?

I think maybe you better had.

Connell, I'd like to have the John Doe contract,

all the receipts for the money we advanced for the letter

Miss Mitchell wrote for which I gave her 1,000 dollars.

Yes, sure.

Well, we leave for the airport in half an hour.

Is that Johnny boy's room?

Better hustle him up.

-He'll be ready on time. He's packing. -Oh, good.

Did you see his picture on the cover of Time?

Yeah.

I gotta give you credit, Annie, girl.

I've handled a good many big promotions in my time,

everything from the World's Fair to a channel swimmer,

but this one has certainly got me spinning,

and now, a John Doe convention, wow.

Say, if you could only get him to jump off the City Hall roof on Christmas Eve,

I'd guarantee you half a million people there.

-Charlie? -[Charlie] Hmm?

What do you make of him?

Who, Johnny boy?

Well, I don't know what angle you want but I'll give it to you quick.

Number one, he's got great yokel appeal,

but he's a nice guy.

Number two, he's beginning to believe he really wrote

that original suicide letter that you made up.

Number three, he thinks that you're Joan of Arc or something.

Yeah, I know.

Number four, well, you know what number four is.

He's nuts about you.

It's running' out of his ears.

You left out number five.

We're all heels, me especially.

-Holy smoke. -[knocking on door]

Come in.

I'm all packed.

Good, I'll go and get Be any boy.

[John] Okay, Charlie boy.

[Charlie chuckling]

Can I help you pack?

No, thank you.

You care if I sit down, out here?

No.

[chuckles] You know, I had a crazy dream last night.

It was about you.

About me?

Yeah, sure was crazy.

I dreamt I was your father.

[chuckles] There was something I was trying to stop you from doing.

So, I got up out of bed

and I walked right through the wall here, right straight into your room.

[chuckles] You know how dreams are.

And there you were in bed, but you were a little girl,

you know, about 10, and very pretty, too.

So I shook you, and the moment you opened your eyes,

you hopped out of bed and started running like the devil.

In your nightgown, you ran right out the window there,

and you ran out over the tops of buildings

and roofs and everything for miles and I was chasing you,

and all the time you were running,

you kept growing bigger and bigger and bigger, and

pretty soon you were as big as you are now, you know,

grown up, and all the time I kept asking myself,

"What am I chasing her for?"

And I didn't know.

[chuckles] Isn't that a hot one?

Well, anyway, you ran into some place

and then I ran in after you and when I got there,

there you were, getting married,

and the nightgown had changed into a beautiful wedding gown.

You sure looked pretty, too,

and then I knew what it was I was trying to stop you from doing.

Dreams are sure crazy, aren't they?

Well,

would you like to know who it was you were marrying?

Oh, a tall handsome Ubangi, I suppose.

[John] No, not that bad.

It was the fella that sends you flowers every day.

What's his name, Mr. Norton's nephew?

Ted Sheldon.

[John] Yeah, that's the one.

But here's the funniest part of it all.

I was the fella up there doing the marrying, you know,

the Justice of the Peace or something.

You were?

I thought you were chasing me.

Well, yes I was, but I was your father then, you see,

but the real me, John Doe, that is,

Long John Willoughby, I was the fella up there with a book.

You know what I mean?

I guess so.

Then what happened?

Well, I took you across my knee

and I started spanking' ya.

That is, I didn't do it.

I mean, I did do it, but it wasn't me.

See, I was your father then.

Well, I had you across my knee and I said,

"Annie, I won't allow you to marry a man

that's...that's just rich

or that has his secretary send you flowers.

The man you marry has got to swim rivers for you.

He's got to climb high mountains for you.

He's got to slay dragons for you.

He's got to perform wonderful deeds for you!"

Yes, sir, and all the time, the guy up there,

you know, with the book, me, just stood there

nodding' his head and he said,

"Go to it, Pop, whack her one for me,

because that's just the way I feel about it too."

So he says,

"Come on down here and whack her yourself."”

So I came down and I whacked you a good one.

See, then he whacked you, and I whacked you another one.

We both started whacking you like...

Well, if you're through whacking her, come on, let's get going.

Okay, fellas, right in here.

You go out the side entrance.

There's a bunch of autograph seekers out front.

We'll be down with the bags in a minute.

Come on, don't make a government project out of this.

[bright music]

Hi, Be any.

When's our plane take off again?

Couple of minutes.

How many people do you think we've talked to already,

outside the radio, I mean?

Oh, I don't know, about 300,000.

300,000.

What makes them do it, Ann?

What makes them come and listen and get up their John Doe Clubs the way they do?

I've been trying to figure it out.

Look, John, what we're handing them are platitudes,

things they've heard a million times.

Love thy neighbor, clouds have silver linings,

turn the other cheek, it's just--

Oh yeah, I heard 'em a million times too,

but...there you are.

Maybe they're like me, just beginning to get an idea

what those things mean.

I never thought much about people before.

They were always just somebody to fill up the bleachers.

The only time I worried about them was when they didn't come in to see me pitch.

You know, lately I've been watching them when I talk to them.

I can see something in their faces.

I could feel that they were hungry for something,

you know what I mean?

Maybe that's why they came.

Maybe they're just lonely and

wanted somebody to say hello to.

I know how they feel.

I've been lonely and hungry for something practically all my life.

[man] All aboard, folks.

We'll have the city behind us.

Yeah, that's true.

Oh, somebody else sitting here?

No, no, no, that's your seat.

And this is your coat.

Mine?

A little token of appreciation.

Oh!

Oh, it's beautiful, D.B.

I don't quite know what to say.

Oh, don't say anything at all.

Just sit down.

Oh!

Go ahead, open it, open it.

Oh. [gasps] Oh, it's lovely.

And a new contract goes with it.

Well, come on, spring it.

You've got something on your mind.

-[D.B. chuckling] -Must be stupendous.

That's what I like about her.

Right to the point, like that.

All right, practical Annie, here it is.

Tomorrow night, before a crowd of 15,000 people

and talking over a nationwide radio hook-up,

John Doe will... [exhales sharply]

Announce the formation of a third party.

A third party?

[exhales] Yes, the John Doe Party,

devoted entirely to the interests of all the John Does all over the country,

which practically means...

[exhales sharply]

90 percent of the voters.

He will also announce the third party's candidate for the presidency,

a man whom he personally recommends,

a great humanitarian, the best friend the John Does have.

Mr. D.B. Norton.

Yes.

Wow.

-[patriotic music] -[crowd] J Glory, glory hallelujah I

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

[attendees cheering]

And although the opening of the convention is hours off,

the delegates are already pouring into the ball park

by the droves with lunch baskets, banners, and petitions

asking John Doe not to jump off any roof.

No matter how you look at it, it's still a phenomenal movement.

These John Does or the hoi polloi,

as you've heard people call them, have been laughed at and ridiculed,

but here they are, gay and happy,

having traveled thousands of miles, their expenses paid by their neighbors

to come here to pay homage to their hero, John Doe.

And in these days of wars and bombings,

it's a hopeful sign that a simple idea like this

can sweep the country, an idea based on friendliness,

on giving and not taking, on helping your neighbor

and asking nothing in return, and if a thing like this can happen,

don't let any of your grumbling friends tell you that humanity is falling apart.

This is John B. Hughes,

signing off now and returning you to our main studio until nine o'clock,

when the convention will officially open.

Oh John, come in.

Say, I'm kinda...

It's raining out a little.

That's all right. It's good to see you.

Sit down.

Thanks.

It's for Ann.

[Mrs. Mitchell] Oh, how nice.

-Thank you very much. -Flowers.

I'm terribly sorry she isn't here.

-She isn't? -No, she just left.

I'm surprised you didn't run into her. She went over to Mr. Norton's house.

Oh.

Did you want to see her about something important?

Yeah, well, no, it'll wait. [laughs nervously]

He's a nice man, isn't he?

Mr. Norton, I mean.

He's done an awful lot for the...

Well, say, my coat's pretty wet.

Afraid I might have wet the couch a little.

Well, I guess I'll see her at the convention later.

Yes, of course. I'll see that she gets the flowers.

Thanks.

Good night, Mrs. Mitchell.

Good night, John.

Say, Mrs. Mitchell, I...I'm kind of glad Ann isn't here.

You see, I came over here hoping to see her alone

and kind of hoping I wouldn't, too, you know what I mean?

There was something I wanted to talk to her about.

Well, it can wait, I guess.

Good night.

Good night, John.

Hey, look, Mrs. Mitchell, have you ever been married?

Well, sure you have.

Gosh, that's pretty silly.

Well, I guess you must think I'm kinda batty.

[John chuckling]

Well, I guess I'd better be going at that.

John, my husband said,

"I love you. Will you marry me?"

He did?

What happened?

I married him.

Yeah, that's what I mean, see?

It was easy as all that, huh?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, but look, Mrs. Mitchell,

you know, I love Ann,

and it's gonna be awfully hard for me to say it

'cause, well, you know, she's so wonderful

and, well, the best I ever was was a bush league pitcher,

and you know, I think she's in love with another man,

the one she made up, you know, the real John Doe.

Well, that's pretty tough competition.

I bet you he'd know how to say it all right,

but me, I get up to it and around it and in back of it,

but I never get right to it, you know what I mean?

So the only chance I've got is, well,

if somebody could kinda give her a warning,

sort of, sort of prepare her for the shock.

You mean, you'd like me to do it, hm?

Well, I was thinking, yeah, you know, sort of break the ice.

Of course I will, John.

Gee whiz, thank you, Mrs. Mitchell.

Hey, you're okay.

This John Doe meeting is gonna be

one of the biggest things that ever happened.

Why, they're coming from all over, trains, boxcars, wagons.

-Look out! -Hello, bodyguards.

Hey, had your dinner yet?

Not yet.

-That's all right. -No, go ahead and have your dinner.

Wait a minute, John.

[John] Hello, Mr. Connell.

How are you, John?

John, I want to have a little talk with you.

What's--what's the matter, are you falling?

Come here.

-[Be any] Hey, boss. -Oh, quiet, quiet, quiet.

Say, tell me something, did you read the speech

you're going to make tonight?

No, I never read the speeches before I make them.

I get more of a kick out of it that way.

Uh-huh, that's just exactly what I thought.

Be any, go on down to the office, tell Pop to give you the speech.

There's a copy on my desk.

Gee whiz, boss, you know Mr. Norton told me

not to leave him, not even for a minute.

Go on, go on, go on, go on.

We'll be at Jim's Bar up the street.

You're a nice guy, John.

I like you.

You're gentle.

I always like gentle people.

Me, I'm hard, hard and tough.

I got no use for hard people.

Gotta be gentle to suit me.

[match sizzling]

Like you, for instance.

[exhales sharply]

Yep, I'm hard, but you want to know something?

I've got a weakness.

You'd never guess that, would you?

Well, I have.

Wanna know what it is?

"The Star-Spangled Banner."

Screwy, huh? Well, maybe it is, but play "The Star-Spangled Banner,"

I'm a sucker for it.

Always gets me right here, you know what I mean?

Yeah, it gets me right back here.

Oh, back there, huh?

Well, every man to his own taste.

[match sizzling]

You--you weren't old enough--

You weren't old enough for the World War, were you, John?

No, no, of course not.

No, you must have been just a kid.

I was.

I was just ripe, and raring to go.

Know what my old man did when I joined up?

He joined up too.

Got to be a sergeant, and here's the kick for you.

We were in the same outfit.

[snorts] Funny, huh?

He was killed, John.

I saw him get it.

I was right there and I saw it with my own eyes.

Me, I came out without a scratch.

That is, excepting my ulcers.

[coughs] I should be drinking milk, you know.

This stuff is poison.

Hey, Tubby!

[Tubby] Yes, Mr. Connell?

-What do you say, huh? -[Tubby] All right.

Yep, I'm a sucker for this country.

I'm a sucker for "The Star-Spangled Banner"

and I'm a sucker for this country.

I like what we got here.

I like it!

A guy can say what he wants and do what he wants

without having a bayonet shoved through his belly,

and that's all right, isn't it?

You betcha.

Yeah, and we don't want anybody coming around changing that, do we?

-No, sir. -No, sir.

When they do, I get mad.

I get boiling mad, and right now, John, I'm sizzling.

I get mad for a lot of other guys besides myself.

I get mad for a guy named Washington,

and a guy named Jefferson and Lincoln.

Lighthouses, John.

Lighthouses in a foggy world.

You know what I mean?

-Yeah, you bet. -Hmm.

Listen, pal.

This fifth column stuff is pretty rotten, isn't it?

Yeah, it certainly is.

And you'd feel like an awful sucker if you found yourself

marching right in the middle of it, wouldn't you?

You, 'cause you wouldn't know it because you're gentle,

but that's what you're doing.

You're mixed up with a skunk, my boy,

a no-good, dangerous skunk.

Say, you're not talking about Mr. Norton, are you?

I'm not talking about his grandfather's pet poodle.

[match sizzling]

You must be wrong, Mr. Connell,

"cause he's been marvelous about the John Doe Clubs.

Yeah? [laughing]

Say, you're sold on this John Doe idea, aren't you?

Sure.

Sure, I don't blame you, so am |I.

It's a beautiful miracle,

a miracle that can only happen right here in the good old USA,

and I think it's terrific.

What do you think of that?

Me, hard-boiled Connell, and I think it's plenty terrific.

All right, now suppose a certain unmentionable worm,

whose initials are D.B., was trying to use that

to shove his way into the White House,

so he could put the screws on,

so he could turn out the lights in the lighthouses.

What would you say about that?

Nobody's gonna do that, Mr. Connell.

They can't use the John Doe Clubs for politics.

That's the main idea.

Is that so?

Then what's a big political boss like Hammett doing in town?

And a labor leader like Bennett,

and a lot of other big shots that are up at D.B.'s house right now.

Wolves, John, wolves, waiting to cut up the John Does.

[snorts] Wait 'til you get a gander at that speech

you're gonna make tonight.

You're all wet.

Miss Mitchell writes the speeches.

Nobody can make her write that kind of stuff.

They can't, huh?

Who do you think writes "em, my aunt Emma?

What are you talk--I know she writes them

and gets a big bonus for doing them, too.

A mink coat and a diamond bracelet.

Don't write 'em?

Why, that gold-grabbing dame would double cross

her own mother for a handful of Chinese yen.

Shut up!

If you weren't drunk, I'd--

Hey, boss.

Here's the speech, boss.

Hey.

Go on and read it, John, and then start sock in".

Hey, wait a minute, Mr. Doe.

-Tubby. -[Tubby] Yes, sir.

Better bring me a glass of milk.

I'm smoking too much.

Yes, Charlie?

Got everything all set?

Fine, John Doe been taken care of?

Good.

How many people you think will be there, 15,0007

Oh my, that's fine.

Now listen, Charlie.

As soon as John Doe stops talking about me,

I want you to start that demonstration, and make it a big one, you understand?

Don't worry about that, D.B. My boys are there.

They'll take care of it.

What?

Yes, I'll be there 15 minutes after I get your call.

Why, Mr. Doe!

Where are they?

In the dining room, sir.

Gentlemen, I think we're about ready to throw that great big bombshell.

[man] Yeah, well it's about time.

[D.B.] Even a conservative estimate shows that we can count

on anywhere between 10 and 20 million John Doe votes.

Add to that the labor vote that Mr. Bennett will throw in,

and the votes controlled by Mr. Hammett and

the rest of you gentlemen in your own territories,

and nothing can stop us.

As I said before, I'm with you, providing you can guarantee the John Doe vote.

[D.B.] Don't worry about that.

[Bennett] You can count on me, on one condition.

Little Bennett's gotta be taken care of.

[D.B.] Didn't I tell you that everybody in this room will be taken care of?

My agreement with you gentlemen stands.

I'm with you, D.B., but I still think it's a very daring thing we're attempting.

These are daring times, Mr. Bar ring ton.

We're coming to a new order of things.

There's too much talk

-been going on in this country. -[man] Certainly.

[D.B.] Too many concessions have been made.

What the American people need is an iron hand.

-You're right. -That's true.

Quite right, D.B.

[D.B.] Discipline!

And now may I offer a little toast to Miss Ann Mitchell,

the brilliant and beautiful lady who is responsible for all this.

[men] Miss Mitchell.

Mr. Norton, I'd like to talk to you alone for a minute.

Oh, Miss Mitchell has something to say to us.

[men clamoring]

Hello.

John, I'm so glad to see you.

I was terribly worried.

Did you write this?

Yes, I did, John, but I had no idea what was going on.

-You didn't? -No.

That's a swell bracelet you're wearing.

[D.B.] John, why aren't you at the convention?

Is there anything wrong?

No, no, nothing's wrong.

Everything's fine.

So there's going to be a new order of things, huh?

Everybody's gonna cut himself a nice fat slice

of the John Does, eh?

[advisors murmuring]

You forgot one detail, Mr. Big Shot.

You forgot me, the prize stooge of the world.

Why, if you or anybody else thinks he's gonna use

the John Doe Clubs for his own rotten purpose,

he's gonna have to do it over my dead body.

Well, hold on a minute, young man, hold on.

That's rather big talk.

I started the John Doe Clubs with my money,

and I'll decide whether or not they're being properly used.

No, you won't.

You're through deciding anything and what's more,

I'm going down to that convention and I'm gonna tell

those people exactly what you and all your fine feathered friends here

are trying to cook up for them,

and I'm gonna say it in my own words this time.

[paper ripping]

[indistinct chattering]

[man] He'll ruin us, D.B.!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, fella.

My uncle wants to talk to you.

Listen to me, my son.

Before you lose your head completely,

may I remind you that I picked you up out of the gutter,

and I can throw you right back there again.

You've got a nerve accusing people of things.

These gentlemen and I know what's best

for the John Does of America,

regardless of what tramps like you think.

Get off that righteous horse of yours and come to your senses.

You're the fake.

We believe in what we're doing.

You're the one that was paid the 30 pieces of silver.

Have you forgotten that?

Well, I haven't.

You're a fake, John Doe, and I can prove it.

You're the big hero that's supposed to jump off tall buildings and things.

You remember?

What do you suppose your precious John Does will say

when they find out that you never had any intention

of doing it, that you were being paid to say so?

You're lucky they don't run you out of the country.

With the newspapers and radio stations that these gentlemen control,

we can kill the John Doe movement deader than a door nail.

We'll do it too the moment you step out of line.

Now, if you still want to go to that convention

and shoot your trap off, you go ahead and do it.

You mean to tell me you'd try to kill the John Doe movement if you can't use it

to get what you want?

[D.B.] You bet your bottom dollar we would.

Well, that certainly is a new low.

Huh. I guess I've seen everything now.

You sit there back of your big cigars and

think of deliberately killing an idea that's made

millions of people a little bit happier,

an idea that's brought thousands of 'em here

from all over the country by bus and by freight

and jalopies and on foot so they can pass on to each other

their own simple little experiences.

Why look, I'm just a mug and I know it,

but I'm beginning to understand a lot of things.

Why, your type's as old as history.

If you can't lay your dirty fingers on a decent idea

and twist it and squeeze it and stuff it

into your own pocket, you slap it down.

Like dogs, if you can't eat something, you bury it.

Why, this is the one worthwhile thing that's come along.

People are finally finding out that the guy next door isn't a bad egg.

That's simple, isn't it?

And yet a thing like that's got a chance of spreading

'til it touches every last doggone human being in the world,

and you talk about killing it.

Well, when this fire dies down, what's going to be left?

More misery, more hunger, and more hate,

and what's to prevent that from starting all over again?

Nobody knows the answer to that one, and certainly not you,

with those slimy, bollixed up theories you got.

The John Doe idea may be the answer, though.

It may be the one thing capable of saving

this cock-eyed world, yet you sit back there

on your fat hulks and tell me you'll kill it

if you can't use it.

Well, you go ahead and try.

You couldn't do it in a million years with all your radio stations

and all your power because it's bigger than whether I'm a fake,

it's bigger than your ambitions,

and it's bigger than all the bracelets and fur coats in the world!

You bet it is, John.

And that's exactly what I'm going down there to tell those people.

[staff cheering, applauding]

Wait a minute you ungrateful rat!

My uncle's been too good to--

[grunting] [dramatic music]

-He's getting away. -[blowing whistle]

-John! -Get me the Bulletin.

John!

I've always told you, D.B., you're playing with dynamite.

Don't let that girl get away.

Before he gets through tonight, he'll ruin us all.

I'll stop him, I'll stop him cold. Don't worry, I've been ready for this.

John!

Oh John, please listen to me.

Please, I can explain everything, John.

I didn't know what they were going to do.

Let me go with you, John.

John, please!

Go ahead, driver.

Ball park.

Let me explain it to you, John.

Please let me go with you.

Please, John.

Mr. Norton wants to see you.

Listen to me, Mayor Lovett. You do as I say.

I want them both arrested.

You tell the police department to pick up Connell.

-I've got the girl here. -I've got the Bulletin.

I don't care what you charge them with.

If you're worried, let them go in the morning,

but keep them in jail overnight.

Hello, Bulletin? Put Pop Dwyer on.

-[patriotic music] -[crowd] J With a banjo on my knee J

♪ I'm going to Louisiana ♪

♪ My true love for to see ♪

♪ It rained all night the day I left ♪

♪ The weather it was dry ♪

♪ The sun so hot, I froze to death ♪

♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪

♪ Oh Susanna ♪

♪ Don't you cry for me ♪

♪ For I come from Alabama ♪

♪ With my banjo on my knee ♪

♪ Oh, Susanna ♪

♪ Don't you cry for me ♪

♪ For I come from Alabama ♪

♪ With my banjo on my knee ♪

♪ For I come from Alabama ♪

♪ With my banjo on my knee ♪

♪ I'm going to Louisiana ♪

♪ My true love for to see ♪

♪ It rained all night the day I left ♪

♪ The weather it was dry ♪

[crowd cheering]

Three cheers for John Doe.

[crowd] Hurray, Hurray, Hurray!

♪ My country it is of thee ♪

♪ Sweet land of liberty ♪

♪ Of thee I sing ♪

♪ Land where my father died ♪

♪ Land of the pilgrims' pride ♪

♪ From every mountain side ♪

♪ Let freedom ring ♪

[crowd cheering]

Ladies and gentlemen.

One moment, John.

We'll begin with a short prayer.

Quiet, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, let us have a moment of silent prayer

for the John Does all over the world,

many of whom are homeless and hungry.

Rise, please.

Everybody rise.

[rain dripping]

[tires skidding]

[news boys indistinctly yelling]

News boys, hundreds of yelling news boys

are swarming into the park like locusts.

-They're yelling, John Doe's a fake. -Fake?

[news boys indistinctly yelling]

Federal investigation urged by Chamber of Commerce.

How could he be a fake?

Must be some kind of a gag.

A what?

A gag, a gag!

[police sirens wailing]

Come on, come on, step on it!

Step on it, step on it!

You all know your places now, so let's get going.

Wait for the signal.

Hey, mister, will you autograph my balloon?

-[balloon popping] -Sure.

[crowd indistinctly yelling]

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is exactly what I came down here to tell you about tonight.

Please, if you'll all just be quiet for a few minutes,

I can explain this whole thing to you.

As you all know, this paper is published by a man

by the name of D.B. Norton.

Get back, you!

Wait a minute, everybody. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, ladies and gentlemen. My name is D.B. Norton.

You all know me.

I accuse this man of being a faker.

We've been taken for a lot of suckers,

and I'm the biggest of the lot.

I spent a fortune backing this man in what I believed

to be a sincere and worthy cause, just as you all did,

and now I find out it's nothing but a cheap racket,

cooked up by him and two of my employees

for the sole purpose of collecting dues

from John Does all over the country.

-That's a lie! -It's not a lie!

Nickel and dimes to stuff into their own pockets.

You can read all about it in the newspapers there.

That's a lie!

-Listen, don't believe what he-- -Let go of me!

This man had no intention of jumping off the top of a building.

He was paid to say so.

Do you deny that?

That's got nothing to do with it.

Were you paid for it or weren't you?

Yes, I was paid, but there has to be--

And what about the suicide note? You didn't write that either.

-What difference does that make? -Did you write it or didn't you?

-No, I didn't write it. -Oh, you bet your life you didn't.

You look in your papers, ladies and gentlemen,

and you'll find Miss Mitchell's signed confession

that she was the one who wrote it.

Listen, folks, it's a fact that I didn't write the letter.

Now you see, he admits it. You're a fake, John Doe.

For what you have done to all these good people,

they ought to run you out of the country,

and I hope they do it.

[man] Speak up, John.

We believe you.

Please listen, folks.

Now that he's through shooting off his face,

I got a couple of things to tell you ab--

Come on, the rest of you get in here and riot.

Break this crowd up, come on.

I'm sorry, folks, but we can't hear him anymore.

Something's gone wrong with the loudspeakers.

John Doe's a fake! Boo!

Say, they can't hear me.

[crowd booing]

This thing's not working.

-Ladies and gentlemen. -[crowd booing]

This thing's bigger than whether I'm a fake.

Look, Bert, you believe me, don't ya?

Sure, I believe you.

Walking my legs off picking up 5,000 signatures for a phony.

Well, there you are, Mr. Doe.

5,000 names asking you not to jump off any roof.

Makes no difference, Bert.

The idea's still good.

We don't have to give up our club.

-Yeah, well you can have it. -[crowd booing]

They're starting to throw things.

Somebody's going to get hurt.

I'm afraid it will be John Doe.

Listen to that mob.

[crowd booing]

I've got to go to him.

-Sorry, lady, I can't let you out. -Oh, let me go!

I want to go to him!

Oh, please, please let me go!

-They're crucifying him. I can help him! -Sorry, sister.

-We got orders to hold you. -Orders from who?

Can't you see it's a frame-up?

-Ann, darling. -Oh, Mother, they won't let me go.

They won't let me go.

-[crowd booing] -Listen, folks.

You gotta listen to me, everybody.

Back to the jungle, you hobo.

Just another racket!

Stick to your clubs.

We've been fed baloney so long we're getting used to it.

[crowd booing]

The idea is still good.

Believe me, folks.

Listen, John Does. You're the hope of the world.

[crowd booing]

Police finally managed to get him out of the park.

If that boy isn't hurt, it'd be a miracle.

Ladies and gentlemen, this certainly looks like

the end of the John Doe movement.

Well, boys, you can chalk up another one to the Ponti us Pilates.

[somber music]

I should have been there.

I could have helped him.

He was so all alone.

A lot of us gonna be mighty ashamed of ourselves after tonight.

We certainly didn't give that man much of a chance.

[water gurgling] [frogs croaking]

[Colonel] Have some more coffee, Long John?

No thanks, Colonel.

[tense music]

[dramatic music]

Fake!

Racketeer!

Liar!

Cheat!

Impostor!

Why don't you jump?

Christmas Eve at midnight.

[onlooker laughing]

Goodbye, Mr. Doe.

You're a wonderful man.

God bless you, my boy.

[dramatic music]

Now get in there and pitch.

[dramatic music]

You're a fake, John Doe, and I can prove it.

You're the big hero that's supposed

to jump off tall buildings and things.

You remember?

What do you suppose your precious John Does will say

when they find out that you never had any intention

of doing it, that you were being paid to say so?

Christmas Eve, at midnight.

[onlooker laughing]

♪ Silent night, holy night ♪

♪ Shepherds quake at the sight ♪

♪ Glories stream from heaven afar ♪

Merry Christmas, sir.

Oh, Merry Christmas.

♪ Christ the Savior is born ♪

♪ Christ the Savior is born ♪

[carolers indistinct chatter]

Who?

John Doe?

Is that screwball still around?

That dame's been calling all day.

Sure, sure, I know.

Yeah, at midnight, huh?

[police officer laughing]

Okay, lady.

We'll have the place surrounded with nets.

They're laughing at me.

[doctor] You're a sick girl, Ann.

You better take it easy.

[telephone dinging]

Who are you calling now?

You called that number not ten minutes ago.

Hello, Mr. Connell.

Have you seen him yet?

Now listen, Ann.

He can't possibly get in without our seeing him.

I'm watching the side door and the Colonel's out front,

so stop worrying.

Oh, thank you.

[receiver clicking]

Why, Ann!

[doctor] Ann, don't be foolish.

If this isn't the craziest, the battiest,

the looniest wild goose chase I ever heard of.

Oh, shut up, Bert.

Sourpuss is right.

Yeah, well if he is, I'm a banana split.

That man's gonna be on that roof.

Don't ask me how I know, I just know,

and you know it as well as I do.

Sure, sure, I'd like to believe in fairy tales,

but a guy that's a fake isn't gonna jump off any roof.

I don't think he was any fake, not with that face,

and any way, what he stood for wasn't a fake.

Okay, honey, okay.

[footsteps clicking]

Elevators ain't running'.

Colonel.

You shouldn't have got out of bed, Miss.

Has he been here?

No.

Have you seen him?

I ain't seen him for a week.

Where's Connell?

He's watching the other door.

Oh, gee, you're swell.

[Ann whimpering]

No sense in going up there.

I been here for hours.

He ain't here.

Let me go, will ya?

[footsteps clicking]

Now, that's crazy.

It's 14 floors.

[footsteps clicking]

It's as far as the elevator goes.

We gotta walk up to the tower.

[footsteps clicking]

[church bells ringing]

That tramp is probably full of Christmas cheer

and asleep in some flophouse.

Let's go.

I've got to decorate my tree.

[clock chiming]

Well, I give up.

I don't what gave us the idea

he'd attempt anything like this.

I guess you're right.

I'm afraid the joke's on us.

Let's go.

I hope nobody finds out we've been here.

[door clicking]

[church bells ringing]

[D.B.] I wouldn't do that if I were you, John.

It'll do you no good.

The Mayor has policemen downstairs with instructions

to remove all marks of identification

you may have on your person.

You'll be buried in Potter's Field,

and you'll have accomplished nothing.

I've taken care of that.

I've already mailed a copy of this letter to Mr. Connell.

John, why don't you forget this foolishness?

Stop right where you are, Mr. Norton,

if you don't want to go overboard with me.

I'm glad you gentlemen are here.

You killed the John Doe movement, all right,

but you're gonna see it born all over again.

Now, take a good look, Mr. Norton.

John!

John!

Oh, John, don't do it!

I won't let you. I love you, darling.

Oh, please, please don't give up.

We'll start all over again.

Just you and I.

It isn't too late.

The John Doe movement isn't dead yet.

You see, John, it isn't dead or they wouldn't be here.

It's alive in them.

They kept it alive by being afraid of it.

That's why they came up here.

Oh, darling, sure it should have been killed.

It was dishonest, but we can start clean now,

just you and I.

It'll grow, John, and it'll grow big

because it'll be honest this time.

Oh, John, if it's worth dying for, it's worth living for.

Oh, please, John!

Oh, oh please!

Please God, help me!

John!

John, look at me!

You want to be honest, don't you?

You don't have to die to keep the John Doe idea alive.

Someone already died for that once, the first John Doe,

and He's kept that idea alive for nearly 2,000 years.

It was He who kept it alive in them, and He'll go on

keeping it alive forever and always.

For every John Doe movement these men kill,

a new one will be born.

That's why those bells are ringing, John.

They're calling to us.

Not to give up, but keep on fighting, to keep on pitching.

Oh, don't you see, darling?

This is no time to give up.

You and I John, we, oh no!

Oh, no! No, John!

If you die, I want to die, too.

Oh. Oh, I love you.

[church bells ringing]

Mr. Doe, you don't have to... we're with you, Mr. Doe.

We just lost our heads and acted like a mob.

What Bert's trying to say is that we need you, Mr. Doe.

There were a lot of us

that didn't believe what that man said.

We were going to start up our John Doe Club again,

whether we saw you or not, weren't we, Bert?

And there were a lot of others

there were gonna do the same thing.

Well, Mr. Sourpuss even got a letter

from his cousin in Toledo.

I got it right here, Mr. Doe.

Only, it'd be a lot easier with you.

Please, please come with us, Mr. Doe.

[church bells ringing]

[triumphant music]

Long John!

Mr. Doe!

Here, we'll help you with her.

She'll be all right.

Mr. Doe, take her right down to the car.

We got a car right down there.

There you are, Norton, the people!

Try and lick that!

[triumphant music] [bells ringing]

[lively music]