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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,142 [***] 2 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,810 CHRIS ROCK: As rough as I had it as a kid, 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,439 even I got excited when Christmas came around. 4 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,506 Chris, how do you spell "cabbage"? 5 00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,454 C-A-B-B-A-G-E. 6 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,180 Thanks. "Cabbage Patch." DREW: Oh, Chris! 7 00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,647 Look at this cool BMX bike. Oh, that's cool. 8 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,156 Chris, what are you putting on your list? 9 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:25,128 I'm not writing a list. That's for kids. 10 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,128 I wasn't writing a list 11 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,630 because the only thing I wanted was a portable cassette player. 12 00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:33,803 Having a Walkman meant you could even listen to bad music 13 00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,503 and nobody had to know. 14 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:38,265 I had been leaving that ad all over the house, 15 00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:41,274 so I was pretty sure my mother got the hint. 16 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:43,407 [***] 17 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,602 Since I only wanted one gift, I knew I'd get it. 18 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,542 This was going to be the best Christmas ever. 19 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:09,468 [GROANS] 20 00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:11,772 Happy Kwanza, Kunta Kinte. 21 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,865 Well, maybe notever. 22 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,377 [***] 23 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,318 * Aw, make it funky now 24 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,642 I'm getting a ColecoVision. Wait. 25 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,377 You have an Atari and you're getting a ColecoVision? 26 00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,223 Yeah. What are you getting? 27 00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,848 I'm getting a Walkman. 28 00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,523 No way. 29 00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,691 It's the only thing I've been asking for. 30 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,260 I would kill for one of those. You're so lucky. 31 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,759 How come your dad doesn't get you one? 32 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,761 Censorship. He wants to makes sure 33 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,833 he can hear the music I'm listening to. 34 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,832 First rap was fun, then rap was gun. 35 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,795 Let me go, you bitches. You're punks, both of you. 36 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,544 West side! West side! Jeez, kid, will you shut up? 37 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:20,811 Years later, Greg played some Ice Cube 38 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,480 and his own father shot him. 39 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:26,779 Class, since this is the season of giving, 40 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,783 I'd like you all to bring in canned food items, 41 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:33,516 so we can donate them to those less fortunate. 42 00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,623 It's funny how most people only think about 43 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,585 feeding the needy during Christmas. 44 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,764 I'm sure there's a lot of hungry people 45 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,533 during President's Day. 46 00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:43,701 Yes, Chris? Do we have to bring in cans? 47 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,670 Can we bring in, like, boxes of food? 48 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,629 You don't have to bring anything, 49 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,497 but that's very thoughtful of you. 50 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,507 I know this time of year must be hard for your family. 51 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,410 No. We're doing fine. 52 00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:59,583 I know. I know. 53 00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:01,682 She made it seem like we were having 54 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,275 a bowl of steam for dinner that night. 55 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:05,447 [JULIUS YELPS] 56 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,345 Who used up all the hot water? 57 00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,557 It's five degrees outside. 58 00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:10,418 What you trying to do, kill me? 59 00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,627 Chris said it was cool when he took a shower earlier. 60 00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:15,799 Oh! The hot water heater's probably broken again. 61 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:18,569 Think you can fix it? I'm already holding it together 62 00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,298 with duct tape and hangers. 63 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,843 We're just gonna have to replace it. 64 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,738 Well, baby, how much do you think that's gonna cost? 65 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,471 More than I got. 66 00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,836 Will we have enough money to buy Christmas presents? 67 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,675 I thought you finished shopping. I bought a few things, 68 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,351 but I have got to get that Walkman for Chris. 69 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,581 He's been giving me hints since Thanksgiving. 70 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:39,316 These kids get too many gifts on Christmas. 71 00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,452 When I was a kid, instead of buying gifts, 72 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,588 my father used to call the cops on Christmas 73 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,433 and tell us the house got robbed. 74 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,588 In order to make extra money for Christmas, 75 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,057 my father would do any job. 76 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,725 That'll be $30. 77 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,404 He worked as a cab driver. That's okay. 78 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,343 It was easy for him to pick up odd jobs 79 00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,038 for extra money when he needed it. 80 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,570 Merry Christmas. 81 00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,705 Lint roll, sir? Yeah. 82 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,839 He worked as a lint roller. 83 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,607 Thank you. 84 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:09,015 He even worked as an oil taster. 85 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:12,349 This is 10-W 30. You need 10-W 40. 86 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,515 Now, that's a father. 87 00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,322 TONYA: Drew. 88 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,588 Drew. 89 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:22,825 Drew! Ow! 90 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:25,932 What'd you do that for? How do you spell "Malibu"? 91 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:29,895 M-A-L-I-BOO? 92 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,506 You still writing that stupid Christmas list? 93 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,509 It's not stupid. Yes, it is. 94 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,841 Everybody knows there's no Santa Claus, Tonya. 95 00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:38,076 That's not true. 96 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,551 And it's not stupid. You're stupid. 97 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,580 You're stupid. You're stupid. 98 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,645 ROCHELLE: Drew, stop calling your sister stupid! 99 00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,524 My mother had amazing hearing. 100 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:50,523 We couldn't do anything in our house without her hearing it. 101 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:55,725 Chris! Quit throwing cotton balls all over the place! 102 00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,527 What are y'all arguing about? Nothing. 103 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:04,567 Drew said there's no such thing as Santa Claus. 104 00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:06,674 What are you talking about, boy? 105 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:09,636 Of course there's a Santa Claus, baby. 106 00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,476 CHRIS: Hey. DREW: What's up, bro? 107 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,081 We're having a food drive at school. 108 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,723 Can I bring some canned goods? Okay. 109 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,649 But don't take generic brands. Only store brands. 110 00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,515 I do not want those people thinking 111 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:22,023 we can't afford to donate food. 112 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,155 My mother would give away all the food we had 113 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:27,830 if she thought it would prove we didn't need it. 114 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,601 How come you said my list is stupid? 115 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,629 Because everybody knows there's no Santa Claus. 116 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,135 Come here, let me show you something. 117 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,513 Where are we going? 118 00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:39,968 I'm taking you to the toys. 119 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,806 Santa doesn't come down the chimney. 120 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,041 We don't even have a chimney, we have radiators. 121 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,907 You ever heard of Santa Claus coming through radiators? 122 00:05:46,946 --> 00:05:48,976 But how can we have our toys already 123 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,015 if I haven't even finished my list? 124 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,022 Because. 125 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,494 Hey, man. What you doing? 126 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,693 I'm taking canned goods to school for the needy. 127 00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:04,796 [CASH REGISTER CLICKING, DINGS] 128 00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,031 Man, that's $2.89 cent worth of food. 129 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,997 What you trying to do, feed the needy or be the needy? 130 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,836 Rochelle! Julius! 131 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,741 [***] 132 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,482 My parents tried not argue in front of the kids, 133 00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,181 so instead, they just made faces. 134 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,986 They make curse-out faces too, but we can't show you those. 135 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:33,033 Meanwhile, Drew was showing Tanya something 136 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,899 no kid should see. 137 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,999 See, I told you. 138 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,995 [***] 139 00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:45,537 [DOOR SLAMS] 140 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,812 Whoa! Cool! 141 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,011 Tonya wasn't the only one having a bad day. 142 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,877 Is there something wrong? 143 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,994 Have a seat, baby. 144 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,919 The last time they asked me to sit down 145 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,964 before they told me something, The Jackson Five broke up. 146 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,790 Hey, Chris. Heh. 147 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,085 Um, baby, look, I know you've been looking forward 148 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,658 to getting that new Walkman for Christmas. 149 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,667 And, Chris, I've always wanted my kids 150 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,499 to have a better Christmas than I had growing up. 151 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,535 But the older you get, the more you learn 152 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,241 about the sacrifices you have to make. 153 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,043 Sacrifices? 154 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,106 Uh... 155 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,645 Uh... 156 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,680 Like not getting a new pair of work boots 157 00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:29,815 so you kids can have shoes. 158 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,689 Or like taking the subway to work 159 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,648 so your wife can use the car. 160 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,526 Mom, Dad, I'm 13. 161 00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,602 You're not getting a present for Christmas. 162 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,771 He said that like we're out of bacon. 163 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,701 We gotta buy a new water heater. 164 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,566 Well, then, we need a plan 165 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,644 to tell Drew and Tonya. Tell them what? 166 00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:54,973 That they're not getting presents. 167 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,038 Who said they weren't getting anything? 168 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,211 Wait, they're getting stuff and I'm not? 169 00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:03,047 You're older, Chris. 170 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,293 They wouldn't understand. 171 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,560 Am I gonna get anything? 172 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:13,858 Oh, baby, you'll be able to use up all the hot water you want. 173 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:16,133 So all I'm getting is a clean ass? 174 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,802 Steaming hot. 175 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,301 * Everybody hates Chris 176 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,076 So you're not getting anything for Christmas? 177 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,582 Nope. 178 00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,253 Man, nothing for Christmas? 179 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,781 Isn't that considered child abuse? 180 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:39,587 Sure does feel like it. 181 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,319 They'll put something in your stocking. 182 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,924 Maybe some leftover sausage. 183 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:47,027 There's gotta be a law against this. 184 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,860 Oh, Chris, look at you. 185 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,896 You didn't have to bring any food. 186 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:55,001 Sometimes I forget how strong your people are. 187 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,935 What do you mean, how strong my people are? 188 00:08:56,970 --> 00:09:00,610 What do I mean, how strong your people are? 189 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,210 You shall overcome someday. 190 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:07,153 See me after class. I have something for you. 191 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,650 Okay. 192 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,750 Do I look like Malcolm X to you, lady? 193 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,316 How would you like to overcome a brick? 194 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,661 Tonya, I thought you were gonna put up the decorations. 195 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,828 I don't want to now. 196 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:30,296 Why not? Because. 197 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,167 You and Daddy lied to me. 198 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,036 We lied to you? About what? 199 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,235 I know there's no such thing as Santa Claus. 200 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:41,108 When my mother heard Tonya say those words, 201 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,717 it was like she wasn't her baby anymore. 202 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,190 What else did you lie to me about? 203 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,048 Are you gonna kick me out if I get pregnant? 204 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,157 Is it true you ain't taking care of no baby? 205 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,889 Can I really not bring a white boy home? 206 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,234 Does the Foreman Grill really knock out the fat? 207 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,058 Can I really get a loan with no money down? 208 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,864 Are you my real mother? Mama, I want answers. 209 00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:02,297 Tonya, like Mommy told you, thereisa Santa Claus. 210 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:06,165 So how come there's a room upstairs full of presents? 211 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,806 Who told you that? Drew showed me. 212 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:12,082 Drew, get in here! 213 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,012 Yes, Mom? 214 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:16,346 Did you show Tonya the presents upstairs? 215 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,153 Yeah. 216 00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:21,024 We need to talk. 217 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,224 Uh...no. 218 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,155 Hold on, Mama. No, no. 219 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,990 My mother talked about beating us all the time, 220 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,857 but the only time she ever beat us 221 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,755 is when she said she wanted to talk. 222 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,297 And she talked the hell out of Drew that night. 223 00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,903 [DREW GROANING, SCREAMS] 224 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,940 [GRUNTS] 225 00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:44,837 Oh. Well, what's all this stuff? 226 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,808 I got it from my teacher. Hm. 227 00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:50,316 She thinks that we're underprivileged and starving. 228 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,120 Oh, no. Mm-mm. 229 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,723 Absolutely not. 230 00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:56,894 I am not gonna have them people thinking 231 00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,863 that we don't have anything to eat. 232 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,962 She wasn't too proud to take those olives. 233 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,804 Where you going? I'm taking this 234 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,929 to put more food in it. 235 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,273 You're taking this back. 236 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,968 My mother was so upset 237 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,940 about people thinking we needed charity, 238 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,838 she almost forgot she felt guilty 239 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,270 about not getting me a gift. 240 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,365 Chris, wait a minute. 241 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,106 Look, I'm sorry. 242 00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:18,242 I know all of this is not your fault. 243 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,208 I know it seems kind of crazy with me giving back free food 244 00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,147 when we can't even afford to buy you a Christmas gift. 245 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,254 It's okay. 246 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:29,486 After that, my mother gave me the one gift she could afford. 247 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,432 She was really nice to me! 248 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:36,229 Who needs Christmas when all your wildest dreams come true? 249 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,262 Chris gets the big piece. 250 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,800 I got the big piece of chicken. 251 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,766 [***] 252 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,108 Merry Christmas. 253 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,450 I didn't have to do any chores. 254 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,952 Tonya, wash the dishes. 255 00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,793 I thought Chris had to do 'em. 256 00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,518 You thought wrong. 257 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,324 I got Tonya in trouble. 258 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,026 Ow! Ow! 259 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,958 Mama, Tonya hit me twice. 260 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,069 It felt so good, I was thinking what life would be like 261 00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,528 if I never got a present. 262 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,396 Get up and let your brother watch TV. 263 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,895 But, Ma! But nothing! Get up. 264 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,243 I wondered what I could get if the roof caved in. 265 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,306 Mwah! 266 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,323 Hey, Drew, can you pass me the remote? 267 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,392 Tsk, yeah, right. 268 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,121 Ma... 269 00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,416 [GROANS] 270 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,157 [MUTTERING] 271 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,055 I couldn't believe how good I had it. 272 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,227 Meanwhile, Tonya didn't believe anything. 273 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,866 Mama, is cornbread made of corn? 274 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,303 Mm, no. 275 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:54,868 I think it's made of cornmeal. Why? 276 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,038 Just checking. DREW: Why, you want Santa Claus 277 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,977 to bring you some cornbread for Christmas? 278 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,512 He could bring it with your Cabbage Patch Doll. 279 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:05,047 Hey, hey. Stop it. Okay? Enough. JULIUS: Leave your sister alone. 280 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,845 Drew, you believed in the Easter Bunny till about her age. 281 00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:09,617 Chris, you near lost all your teeth 282 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,886 before you stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy. 283 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,534 There's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy, either? 284 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,404 Uh... No, baby, he... 285 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,902 He didn't mean that. 286 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,644 Somebody better give me my teeth back. 287 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,210 Baby, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! 288 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,539 Julius! I can't believe you! I want my teeth back! 289 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,136 Baby, no... Tonya! 290 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:32,547 We were joking! It's a joke! 291 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,019 It's a... Ha-ha! It's a joke! 292 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,988 That's her. She said Santa can't come to our house, 293 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,891 'cause all we have is space heaters. 294 00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,662 Santa can't come through a space heater. 295 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,561 What kind of children are you raising? 296 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,363 This girl's going around crushing dreams. 297 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,955 Is that what you want her to be? A dream crusher? 298 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,327 No, but I-- That girl needs to be stopped. 299 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,135 Tonya! It's the truth! 300 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,341 Normally, my mother would smack the grease out of Tonya's hair. 301 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:04,044 But she couldn't smack her for telling the truth. 302 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,577 GREG: What's that? 303 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,482 My mom made me bring all this stuff back 304 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,584 to prove that we can afford to donate food. 305 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,587 Hey, yo, I got something for you. 306 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,160 Thanks! What's this? Open it. 307 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,988 "Computer Games." Who is it? 308 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,227 George Clinton. 309 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,162 There's a song on there, "Atomic Dog," 310 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,197 I heard it on the radio. It's really funny. 311 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,032 Think I'll like it? I don't know. 312 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,468 When you finally get your Walkman, you'll have a tape. 313 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,213 I always liked that Greg was so optimistic. 314 00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:34,939 To this day, he still thinks 315 00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:37,014 Al B. Sure's gonna make a comeback. 316 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,653 [BELL RINGS] 317 00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:45,387 But if Santa Claus is not real, why do people make it up? 318 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,458 Tonya, Santa is just a way to teach kids 319 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,318 about the spirit of giving. 320 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,287 He's just a symbol, that's all. 321 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,386 Oh. 322 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:58,002 Tonya, you're a big girl, 323 00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,701 and now that you're old enough to know the truth, 324 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,204 it's your responsibility 325 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,365 to not spoil it for other kids, okay? 326 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,374 Because you want to give them something to believe in. 327 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,437 Exactly. 328 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:12,046 That's my big girl. Mwah! 329 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,078 So you do understand. 330 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:17,654 Yeah. It's okay to lie. 331 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,124 Aw, good night, Mommy. 332 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,423 You think explaining Santa Claus to Tonya was hard, 333 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,385 you should have been there for the birds and the bees. 334 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,025 Ew, that's nasty! 335 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,161 [***] 336 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:37,139 Nobody ever seems to get any sleep on Christmas Eve. 337 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:42,039 Everybody's up for different reasons. 338 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,305 What you doing, baby? 339 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,553 Setting out milk and cookies. 340 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,148 We talked about this. 341 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,120 We did. And they're not for Santa. 342 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,620 They're for you. 343 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,151 [CHUCKLES] 344 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,456 Thank you, baby. 345 00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,729 But since I wasn't getting anything, 346 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,030 I didn't have that problem. 347 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,733 [SNORING] 348 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:11,444 On Christmas morning, I even took my time going downstairs. 349 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,711 Now that Tonya knew there wasn't a Santa Claus, 350 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,247 her complaints went directly to my mother. 351 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,753 Mama, I wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll with long hair. 352 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,316 How about you have no doll with no hair? 353 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:32,756 Oh, thank you. Okay. 354 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,132 Chris, this one is for you, baby. 355 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,431 Is it a new album? Open it and find out. 356 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,074 They were giving those away at the doctor's office 357 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,330 I deliver papers to. 358 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,068 Thought you could use it for school. 359 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,143 Thanks. I will. 360 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,111 Hey, Chris, what'd you get? 361 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,741 A calendar. 362 00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,336 A calendar? 363 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,848 Yeah, that's what I wanted. 364 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,150 See, now, look here. Did you know that May 365 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,182 is High Blood Pressure Month? DREW & TONYA: No. 366 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,388 You would if you had a calendar. ROCHELLE: See? 367 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,690 All y'all should ask for calendars next year. 368 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,492 JULIUS: That's a good idea. Hey, Chris, wanna go 369 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,355 ride my bike outside later? By "later," he meant summer. 370 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:13,466 Yeah, sure. Hey, Chris. You can have this. 371 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,665 Are you sure? Yeah. I'm sure. 372 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,844 Baby, that's so nice. 373 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:23,243 That's what I thought too. 374 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,806 Yes! I win again! 375 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,454 In your face! Ooh! 376 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,546 What now? I don't get New Year's? 377 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,294 Mwah! Thank you. 378 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,189 For what? For the way you've handled 379 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,391 not getting what you wanted. 380 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,133 You've really made us proud, man. 381 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,459 Drew and Tonya are kids. 382 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,403 They need Christmas presents more than me. 383 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,429 You know, you're really growing up, Chris. 384 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:47,334 It's kind of nice having another man around the house. 385 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,597 It was weird. That morning with my parents 386 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:53,166 felt better than any gift I ever got. 387 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,606 Here you go. What's this? 388 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:58,312 Toy store coupon, 50 percent off. 389 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,645 It's good till March. 390 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,450 By the end of the day, it didn't even matter anymore 391 00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,893 that I didn't have a gift, because I had a good day. 392 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,590 And right now, I'm with Mrs. Vivian Morello. 393 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:10,822 Hey, that's my teacher. 394 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,387 It is? Mm-hm. 395 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,685 Every year, my students collect food 396 00:18:14,728 --> 00:18:18,258 for the very poorest, most destitute 397 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,168 and neediest families. 398 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,470 These people are so poor, 399 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,171 they probably don't have anything 400 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,703 but the clothes on their backs. 401 00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:27,468 Even though they're embarrassingly underprivileged, 402 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:31,207 they're just too proud to ask for help. 403 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:34,614 Too proud to ask for help. And they're poor. 404 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:38,247 Tonight, we're going to give a family this basket. 405 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:41,324 Now, who wants somebody coming to their door on TV 406 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,264 talking about how poor they are? 407 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,190 This is so exciting. 408 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,597 [DOORBELL BUZZES] [KNOCKING] 409 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,198 Mm, I'll get it. 410 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,627 You got it? 411 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,699 BOTH: Merry Christmas! 412 00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:01,442 Chris! 413 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:05,654 * Everybody hates Chris 414 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,653 CHRIS ROCK: Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode. 415 00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:19,289 [***] 416 00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,225 * Aw, make it funky now 29790

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