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[HIGH-PITCHED] Hello, my name is Maggie Sheffield,
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and I'm a total geek.
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You are so immature.
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[HIGH-PITCHED] Yeah, Brighton, you're so immature.
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[SQUEAKY LAUGH]
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Miss Fine, your mother's 50?
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Isn't she stretching the truth just a tad?
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Please, the only thing stretched more
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is Clinton's bicycle shorts.
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Fifty billion served, and that's just the White House.
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SYLVIA: Gee, I wonder if my daughter Fran is at home.
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I will see if she is.
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[RINGS DOORBELL]
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Come on, kids, get ready.
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Fran, how come we're practicing the surprise party?
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Then it won't be a surprise.
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Oh, sweetie, at your age a surprise is a big thrill.
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At her age, they're already rubbin' two paddles together
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and yelling, "Clear."
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ALL: Surprise!
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[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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Ma, I hope you fake it better with Daddy.
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I was his first. What does he know?
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Excuse me, Miss Sylvia, I just want to double-check the menu.
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Er, meatballs, cocktail franks, cheese puffs.
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Is there some reason you don't want your family
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to handle silverware?
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Darling, don't you know?
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If it's on a toothpick, it's not fattening.
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Ah.
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Yeah, my Aunt Frida uses two like chopsticks.
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She looks like a very heavily made-up praying mantis.
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Doesn't she? [CHUCKLES]
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Mmm.
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Are there gonna be any boys my age at this party?
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Maybe we can fix her up with little Cousin Irving.
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Oh, he's a nice boy with a wonderful personality.
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Oh, yeah, good idea, Ma.
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Is he still ringin' the bell at Notre Dame?
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God. - Don't worry, don't worry.
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When I see him comin', I'll give you a very subtle sign.
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Ah, there's the birthday girl!
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Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you're such a doll,
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letting us have my party here.
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You know, we only have oneterlet,
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Morty's brothers are all coming.
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Oh, oh, that reminds me.
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Sweetie, go put anAir Wick Solid in every bathroom.
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So, Miss Babcock, are you coming to my surprise party?
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Ah, I'm afraid not.
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And it's just killing us.
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We're taking the train to Gene Shalit's for the weekend.
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Gene Shalit!
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Hoo-ha.
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Is he sexy or what?
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Ma, Gene Shalit, sexy?
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Oh, you gotta stop inhaling when you spray your hair.
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They're having a little gathering
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before the Tony nominations.
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Maxwell and I are sharing a guest cottage
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right by the water.
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How convenient, sir,
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should you want to drown yourself.
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Oh, Miss Fine, here.
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Allow me to contribute
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this exquisiteChambertin to your mother's party.
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Oh. Maxwell!
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I thought this wine was for our weekend.
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I don't think the Fines would appreciate a vintage Burgundy.
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Yes, we're very big on vintage beverages.
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In our storage bin, we've got a case of Tab
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from the Bay of Pigs.
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All right, Maxwell, I'll meet you at the station.
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I wanna pick up the perfect hostess gift for the Shalits.
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What do you think would just make their weekend?
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Miss the train.
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[THEME SONG PLAYS]
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♪ She was workin' In a bridal shop ♪
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♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
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♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪
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♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪
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♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪
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♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
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♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪
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♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
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♪ She was there to sell makeup But father saw more ♪
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♪ She had style, She had flair She was there ♪
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♪ That's how she became The nanny ♪
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♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪
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♪ Was just exactly what The doctor prescribed? ♪
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♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪
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♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
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♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪
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♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
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♪ She's the lady in red ♪
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♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪
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♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪
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♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
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This'll be a great party.
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A bunch of 60-year-old ladies pinching my cheeks.
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Learn to love it.
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That's as close to a woman as you'll ever get.
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I have two words for you.
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Cousin...Irving.
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Just think of this party as an educational experience.
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Pretend you're Dian Fossey, observing the gorillas.
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Just don't get too close when they eat.
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You could lose a hand that way.
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What's all that gunk at the bottom of the bottle?
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Mm, honey, that's the best part.
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It's the wine concentrate.
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Oh, my God.
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What are you doing with Mr. Sheffield's best Burgundy?
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Uh, I'm making a sangria.
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Does it need more Equal?
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Two more packs.
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Oh, Miss Fine, using that wine to make sangria
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is like asking Pavarotti to singMuskrat Love.
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He should only have the career Captain & Tennille had.
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Oh, kids, before I forget,
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go dig out my Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass album.
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I really want this party to cook.
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Oh, Niles, I thought that you made dip.
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I did. That's porcini mushrooms,
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shallots and chives.
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Oh, now, I'm gonna have to go to the store
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and get some onion-soup mix.
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Well, I had to get the Pringles, anyway.
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Cheer up.
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Did I mention my cousin Sophie is coming today?
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Don't tell me. She's smart and has a wonderful personality.
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No, she's dumb as a post,
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but she's built like a brick--
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Say no more. Just give me a subtle signal.
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Where's Maxwell?
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Oh, I thought he was meeting you at the station.
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He already left.
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Niles!
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I called and said that I would pick him up here.
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I told you to give him the message.
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Oh, I thought you said give him amassage.
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I didn't think that was appropriate.
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I'm not gonna let anything bother me this weekend.
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As long as I'm here, I might as well pick up a little wine.
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Put Maxwell in the mood.
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Did I tell you we have a private compartment?
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And tonight there's a full moon.
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Well, I hope she packed a lot of Nair.
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♪ Luck, be a lady tonight ♪
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♪ Luck, if you've ever been A lady to begin with ♪
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♪ Luck, be a lady to-- ♪
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[CHUCKLES]
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Oh, no.
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[CHUCKLES]
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[LAUGHING] I can't believe this is happening.
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[LAUGHING]
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[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
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[CRYING HYSTERICALLY]
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[GASPS]
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Okay, there must be another way out of here.
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Miss Babcock, I OD'd on the Equal.
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Could you pass me another bottle of Burgundy?
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[SOBBING] Oh, Nanny Fine, I love you!
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[SHRIEKS] You fool!
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Boy, do you blow hot and cold.
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You know, a lot of women go through their change early.
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It's nothing to be ashamed of.
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You let the door close, and now we're trapped in here,
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and I'm gonna miss my train.
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Okay, calm down.
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Don't panic.
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Maybe I can fix it.
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Sheesh.
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No.
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[YELLING] Help! Help! Help!
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Save it. No one's gonna hear you.
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This was originally built as a bomb shelter.
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Hey, don't underestimate the power of these adenoids.
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I once had next-door neighbors
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that movedcloser to the airport.
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Hey, this room is... very small, isn't it?
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Why? Are you claustrophobic?
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Oh, thank you.
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Now you put it in my head.
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And I'm reliving...
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Loehmann's...dressing room.
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Big sale.
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Two hundred naked women all screaming,
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"Where did you find that?"
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I was clinging to my mother's girdle.
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Dimples, dimples, everywhere.
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And not one on a face.
193
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And then...and then... and then--
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Oh, look, an alarm box.
195
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You know, if we cut the wires,
196
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we can trip the system,
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and the cops'll come and find us.
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What have you got? - Uh...
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[SHOUTS] Nail clippers!
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Excellent.
201
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[ELECTRIC ZAP]
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[MOTOR RATTLES AND DIES]
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Well, either that alarm is way too subtle...
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or...
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...I cut the fan off.
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And now we can't breathe.
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Oh, by the way...
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What did you do that for?
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Weren't you hysterical?
210
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No.
211
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Oh, my mistake.
212
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Remember, when she walks in, we all yell, "Surprise!"
213
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Why?
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Because it's your daughter's 50th birthday.
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Fifty?
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She's got brassieres older than that.
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If she's 50, then I'm--
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What do you know, she's 50.
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
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SYLVIA: I wonder if my daughter Fran is home.
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I will see if she is.
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ALL: Surprise!
223
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Will you wait till she walks in?
224
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Oh, my God. I had no idea.
225
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Look at me.
226
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We were on our way to see Shawshank Redemption.
227
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Schmooey, come meet your Uncle Stanley.
228
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What are you talking about?
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Just go along with me.
230
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Stan, look, Schmooey.
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You haven't seen him since he was this tall.
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He's getting bar-mitzvahed when you're on your cruise.
233
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Sorry I'm gonna miss it.
234
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Here.
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This is from me and your Aunt Cookie.
236
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Oh, thank you very much.
237
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We split everything fifty-fifty.
238
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Oh, I can't believe I'm missing the party.
239
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I mean, how often does your mother turn 50?
240
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Two, three times?
241
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Here, have a drink.
242
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It'll calm you down.
243
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I don't drink.
244
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What do you do when you're tense?
245
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Hair.
246
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:03,660
What?
247
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I do hair.
248
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Don't even think about it.
249
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Fine.
250
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[SIGHS]
251
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♪ Ninety-nine bottles Of beer on the wall ♪
252
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♪ Ninety-nine bottles Of beer-- ♪
253
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Can you do a nice little French twist?
254
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So severe you want?
255
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Well, let me see what I can do.
256
00:12:26,483 --> 00:12:28,660
So tell me...
257
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what's doin'?
258
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I can't believe this is happening.
259
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This was supposed to be the weekend when Maxwell and I--
260
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Go ahead. I'm listening.
261
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Well, last time we came this close.
262
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Mm-hm.
263
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Tilt.
264
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We were coming back from a production in Sydney
265
00:12:51,433 --> 00:12:53,250
when our plane had to make an emergency landing
266
00:12:53,283 --> 00:12:55,300
in the Fiji Islands.
267
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,660
It was off-season, so it was deserted.
268
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,183
[MOUTHS SILENTLY]
269
00:12:58,216 --> 00:13:00,233
Well, you can use your imagination.
270
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:01,350
Paint me a picture. Pretend I can't.
271
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,133
We were in the bar. We'd had a few cocktails.
272
00:13:07,166 --> 00:13:09,350
Maxwell had that look in his eye. [CHUCKLES]
273
00:13:09,383 --> 00:13:11,366
Mm-hm. [LAUGHING]
274
00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:17,100
Well, he was too much of a gentleman.
275
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,330
Let me get this straight.
276
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:21,283
He was drunk,
277
00:13:21,316 --> 00:13:23,330
you were the only woman on a deserted island...
278
00:13:25,483 --> 00:13:27,000
..and he still didn't touch you.
279
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:31,450
And you thought Gene Shalit was gonna get him in the mood.
280
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,466
[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING]
281
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,166
I'm very worried about Fran.
282
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,233
Maybe she stopped to get your present?
283
00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:47,183
She already gave me one.
284
00:13:48,383 --> 00:13:49,250
What did you get me?
285
00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:53,000
Did you forget, Ma?
286
00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:54,433
Forget my little girl?
287
00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:57,100
Don't insult me.
288
00:13:57,133 --> 00:13:59,660
It's out there with all the other presents.
289
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:00,166
Oh, Ma.
290
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,200
Psst.
291
00:14:06,450 --> 00:14:09,116
Get out there and put this on the biggest box.
292
00:14:30,133 --> 00:14:31,366
Mint Chocolate Chip...
293
00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:35,200
Jamoca Almond Fudge...
294
00:14:36,366 --> 00:14:38,166
Pralines 'n Cream.
295
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,216
That's it.
296
00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:43,300
That's 30.
297
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,333
Oh, my God. They lied.
298
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,183
Why? Thirty's a lot.
299
00:14:50,216 --> 00:14:52,000
Is 31 so catchy?
300
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:55,433
Oh, wait a minute. I forgot the sherbets.
301
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,183
All right, I'll start again.
302
00:15:00,283 --> 00:15:01,466
Vanilla--
303
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,000
[SHOUTS] Stop it!
304
00:15:10,330 --> 00:15:12,266
You know, this reminds me of when Blair and Tootie
305
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,216
got caught in Mrs. Garrett's walk-in freezer.
306
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,830
Thank God Natalie went in for a midnight snack.
307
00:15:20,116 --> 00:15:20,400
Surprise, surprise.
308
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:27,483
These are the topics we can no longer discuss.
309
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,300
what Woolite can and cannot do,
310
00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:33,660
anyone with the last name "Cassidy"...
311
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,660
odd-shaped moles on Eastern Europeans.
312
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,300
All right, okay.
313
00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,400
But you're really restricting the conversation.
314
00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:45,330
Meanwhile, look how gorgeous your hair looks.
315
00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:49,316
[MOUTHS SILENTLY]
316
00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:55,300
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
317
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:57,500
I got one word for you.
318
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:01,466
Styrofoam.
319
00:16:01,466 --> 00:16:03,266
But that's not biodegradable.
320
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:04,250
Who's asking you to eat it?
321
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,266
Hi.
322
00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:10,116
Hi.
323
00:16:10,150 --> 00:16:12,160
What are you doing hiding over here by yourself?
324
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,330
Well, actually, I'm trying to avoid
325
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:15,433
running into this geek, Irving.
326
00:16:15,466 --> 00:16:16,450
I'm Maggie.
327
00:16:16,483 --> 00:16:17,400
I'm Irving.
328
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,383
Good lord!
329
00:16:28,466 --> 00:16:29,400
[HIGH-PITCHED] What are you doing home?
330
00:16:35,266 --> 00:16:37,266
Niles, what is going on here? Look at this place.
331
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,433
Where's Miss Fine?
332
00:16:38,466 --> 00:16:40,350
Oh, she's missing. - Missing?
333
00:16:40,383 --> 00:16:42,166
Shh, keep your voice down, sir.
334
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,350
I don't want to alarm anyone.
335
00:16:43,383 --> 00:16:45,133
It's very strange, Niles.
336
00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:46,216
Miss Babcock's gone missing too.
337
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,400
Yippee!
338
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,366
Why won't you play truth or dare?
339
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,333
Because all your truths are so boring.
340
00:16:59,183 --> 00:17:00,300
[WHINES] Come on.
341
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:01,366
No!
342
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:04,366
I'll let you do my makeup. - Okay.
343
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,160
Okey-dokey, ask me.
344
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,350
Truth or dare.
345
00:17:10,383 --> 00:17:13,250
Mm, I pick...
346
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:17,660
truth.
347
00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:19,300
Okay, if you could spend the night with anyone,
348
00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:21,300
who would it be?
349
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,433
We both know, game's over. Suck in your cheeks.
350
00:17:24,433 --> 00:17:27,383
You never know. My answer may surprise you.
351
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:28,433
All right. Shoot.
352
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:31,450
[WHISPERS] It's Maxwell.
353
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:35,283
Get outta town.
354
00:17:38,216 --> 00:17:40,466
Oh, to think that right now we could both be lying
355
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,433
in front of a fire, my head on his chest,
356
00:17:43,466 --> 00:17:45,300
him gently stroking my hair.
357
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:54,383
Honey, take some deep breaths. You're running out of oxygen.
358
00:17:54,416 --> 00:17:56,266
You're right. Who am I kidding?
359
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,233
He doesn't care about me.
360
00:17:58,266 --> 00:18:00,366
My therapist says I'm obsessed with him.
361
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,283
How much did you have to pay to find that out?
362
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,116
If only he weren't so darn attractive.
363
00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:08,166
He is cute.
364
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,250
Oh, tell me about it.
365
00:18:10,283 --> 00:18:11,400
That little gray streak in his hair just makes me...
366
00:18:11,433 --> 00:18:12,316
[SHUDDERS]
367
00:18:15,416 --> 00:18:18,000
Now, you see, that would be the first thing I'd get rid of.
368
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,383
Too Pepé Le Pew.
369
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,266
Have you ever seen him in a bathing suit?
370
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:30,350
No! [BOTH LAUGHING]
371
00:18:30,383 --> 00:18:33,250
Too bad. [BOTH LAUGHING]
372
00:18:33,283 --> 00:18:34,166
I've seen him naked, though. Does that count?
373
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:36,660
Wha--?
374
00:18:41,150 --> 00:18:42,316
When?
375
00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:44,216
Oh, relax. It was an accident.
376
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:46,250
I walked in on him in the shower.
377
00:18:46,283 --> 00:18:47,200
Forget it. He locks now.
378
00:18:49,150 --> 00:18:50,216
Oh, the truth is...
379
00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:55,330
he's ruined me for other men, you know?
380
00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:56,433
You?
381
00:18:56,466 --> 00:18:58,316
Next to Mr. Sheffield,
382
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:00,116
all the guys that I date seem like real morons.
383
00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,150
Gee, I wonder if that's 'cause...
384
00:19:04,183 --> 00:19:06,133
all the guys that I date are
385
00:19:08,183 --> 00:19:11,500
At least you date.
386
00:19:11,830 --> 00:19:14,133
I'm gonna wake up one morning a dried-up old spinster.
387
00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:14,466
Quiet. Wait.
388
00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:18,433
Oh, if that didn't bring Niles down, we're doomed.
389
00:19:20,433 --> 00:19:23,660
Who cares? I might as well die.
390
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,183
Then I can at least haunt Maxwell.
391
00:19:25,216 --> 00:19:27,200
And don't think I won't be shakin' a few chains
392
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:27,450
in the butler's pantry.
393
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,350
Stop it!
394
00:19:30,383 --> 00:19:32,216
You're scaring me.
395
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:35,233
Oh, who cares? Nanny Fine, face it.
396
00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:36,483
Get out of this house while you can,
397
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,166
or you're gonna end up just like me.
398
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,660
[SCREAMS] No!
399
00:19:42,116 --> 00:19:44,233
Oh, there you are. We've been looking all--
400
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:47,100
Stand back! Stay away from us, you destroyer of girls' lives.
401
00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:48,233
What?
402
00:19:48,266 --> 00:19:49,166
Go, tell him, sister.
403
00:19:51,283 --> 00:19:52,200
Maxwell, thank God.
404
00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:56,366
She never shuts up.
405
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,483
She's been saying the most terrible things about you.
406
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,466
Ladies, ladies, calm down.
407
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,400
Come on, let's go upstairs where we can talk about this.
408
00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:06,330
You're obviously very shaken after your orde...
409
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:07,316
C.C., have you done something with your hair?
410
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,216
Oh, Miss Babcock. - What?
411
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:13,660
You left your purse. - Ooh.
412
00:20:23,330 --> 00:20:25,216
Darling, this was the best party ever.
413
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,200
Oh, thanks, Mom.
414
00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:28,433
You know, next year, I think
415
00:20:28,466 --> 00:20:30,466
we should invest in a new "Happy Fiftieth" banner.
416
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,283
This one says "Vote Dukakis" on the back.
417
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,366
[BOTH LAUGH]
418
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,433
Good night.
419
00:20:39,466 --> 00:20:41,133
Good night.
420
00:20:41,166 --> 00:20:43,466
So, Niles, did you letit out?
421
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,266
Yes. And the villagers were not happy.
422
00:20:48,316 --> 00:20:49,466
Meanwhile, where haveyou for the last hour?
423
00:20:52,233 --> 00:20:55,200
[LAUGHS]
424
00:20:55,233 --> 00:20:57,160
So you met my cousin Sophie. Nice, huh?
425
00:20:58,333 --> 00:21:01,150
Yowza. [GIGGLES]
426
00:21:01,183 --> 00:21:02,433
[CAR HORN HONKS]
427
00:21:02,466 --> 00:21:03,416
Oh, come on, Yetta. Daddy's honking.
428
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:07,383
Thank you for a lovely evening.
429
00:21:07,416 --> 00:21:10,483
And if you find a nice diamond cocktail ring,
430
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,316
you could send it to me at the home.
431
00:21:13,350 --> 00:21:16,233
Yetta, you don't have a diamond cocktail ring.
432
00:21:16,266 --> 00:21:17,450
I'm just saying... if you find one.
433
00:21:21,283 --> 00:21:22,366
[MAXWELL CLEARS THROAT]
434
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,450
Some night, huh? [CHUCKLES]
435
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,160
What?
436
00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:27,366
Well, I just can't help thinking about
437
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,500
you and Miss Babcock being stuck together.
438
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,166
I mean, what on earth did you find to talk about?
439
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,183
Oh, you know, this and that.
440
00:21:35,216 --> 00:21:36,116
Your hair came up.
441
00:21:38,283 --> 00:21:40,166
Really? - Yeah, she don't like it.
442
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,266
She thinks you look like Pepé Le Pew.
443
00:21:45,466 --> 00:21:48,216
Miss Fine, can I tell you something in confidence?
444
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:50,166
It's, uh-- It's about Miss Babcock.
445
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,383
I'm all ears.
446
00:21:52,416 --> 00:21:56,350
Well, I-- I rather think she has a thing for me.
447
00:21:56,383 --> 00:21:58,250
Get outta town.
448
00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:04,330
Well, since we're exchanging confidences,
449
00:22:04,660 --> 00:22:08,166
she did mention that close encounter on Fiji.
450
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,200
Oh, I remember that.
451
00:22:10,233 --> 00:22:12,416
Cocktails in the bar?
452
00:22:12,450 --> 00:22:16,500
No. Quinine at the British consulate.
453
00:22:16,830 --> 00:22:17,233
I was taken deathly ill. They rushed me to hospital.
454
00:22:17,266 --> 00:22:19,283
I was delirious for days.
455
00:22:19,316 --> 00:22:22,316
Well, apparently delirium ran rampant on that trip.
456
00:22:25,660 --> 00:22:27,433
Beg your pardon? - Oh, nothing.
457
00:22:27,466 --> 00:22:29,216
I'm just sorry that you had to miss your weekend
458
00:22:29,250 --> 00:22:31,150
at Gene Shalit's.
459
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,183
Actually, I felt like I was there.
460
00:22:34,216 --> 00:22:36,000
Your Aunt Ida bears a striking resemblance to him.
461
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:40,250
You know, I told her,
462
00:22:40,283 --> 00:22:44,216
if she's gonna dye her hair, do the mustache too.
463
00:22:45,450 --> 00:22:53,133
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
464
00:22:56,350 --> 00:22:59,433
That's 75 for you and 185 for me.
465
00:23:02,283 --> 00:23:04,450
Hey, you said fifty-fifty. That's not fair.
466
00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:06,300
Let's talk fair.
467
00:23:06,333 --> 00:23:08,200
You live in a mansion.
468
00:23:08,233 --> 00:23:10,350
I live in a home.
469
00:23:10,383 --> 00:23:12,200
You got your whole life ahead of you.
470
00:23:12,233 --> 00:23:14,266
I got one, two weeks tops.
471
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,416
You can eat corn.
472
00:23:18,450 --> 00:23:20,383
Here, let me show you something.
473
00:23:20,416 --> 00:23:22,000
Oh, take it. Take it all.
33229
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