Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELLS RINGING]

Oh, if they ring those little bells one more time,

I'll wring their little necks.

Niles, they're poor, sick children

who need our care and compassion.

[BELLS JINGLE]

Enough with the bells already!

We're not deaf!

Until now.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, three kids sick, all at once.

I don't think I can last much longer.

Well, look on the bright side.

Eventually, they'll either go back to school or die.

School. Thank God for school.

I need those seven hours of personal time.

I mean, how else can I continue

to be the bright and vivacious nanny that you all know and love

if I have to spend all day taking care of those kids?

[BELLS JINGLE]

All right, how do we feel?

What took you so long?

Ice cream... juice...

I need the remote control.

Toast in the shape of a horsey.

What kind of a horse is this?

A gelding.

Whenever I was feeling a bit wonky,

Mummy used to bundle me up and seat me by the fire--

not too close--

and bring me tea and crumpets

and little soldiers cut out of toast.

Niles, you know we love you.

Don't share.

Better you should remain an enigma.

Silly me.

After sitting through endless stories

about your multifarious relatives.

Hey, only my Uncle Harvey is multifarious...

but when he sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow,"

you'd swear Judy was in the room.

♪♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪♪

♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style She had flair ♪♪

♪♪ She was there ♪♪

♪♪ That's how she became The Nanny ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Suchjoie de vivre ♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing The nanny named Fran ♪♪

Maxwell, I am terribly concerned about the children.

Oh, why, thank you, C.C., but it's only the flu.

But if you catch it, who'll I take to my sorority reunion?

Is that this weekend? Let me see if I'm free.

Maxwell, you tease.

You wouldn't leave me hanging.

No. We'd cut you down in a week or two.

I just can't wait to show you off

to all my old friends,

with their handsome doctor husbands

and their 2.5 perfect children

they juggled while earning multiple PhDs.

Oh, C.C., there's no need to be jealous.

You have a successful career

and, uh... and, um... well, a successful career.

Yes. How do you balance them both?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Knock, knock.

Were you just with the children?

Yeah. Why?

Mmm, Lysol... my mother's fragrance.

Can't be too careful. Germs everywhere.

Nobody touch me.

We'll try to restrain ourselves.

So, Maxwell,

what do you think I should wear

to the reunion Friday night?

Well, uh, Miss Fine's clothes always make a statement.

Why don't you ask her?

Why don't I pop into K-mart and pick something

out of the Jaclyn Smith collection?

Meanwhile, she's making millions of dollars...

and they said Kate Jackson was the smart one.

Where are you going?

My sorority reunion.

Oh, reunions are so much fun.

You get to see how old everyone got,

who's had face work, who's not married.

You'll be the belle of the ball.

So, Miss Fine, are the children feeling any better?

Oh, yes,

except for Gracie.

I think I need to take her to the doctor.

Maybe we should call the doctor and have him come to the house.

This is New York.

You couldn't get a doctor to make a house call

if your spleen was sitting next to you on the couch.

Miss Fine, are you feeling all right?

Oh, yeah. Ahem.

Just a little frog in my throat. No biggie.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ah, doctors' scales are always

six and a half pounds over.

Fran, how come they make you wait so long?

To give you a chance to stock up on your beauty supplies.

See, these are great for astringent.

Oh, these are excellent for doing your cuticles.

And these... well, if I don't take them,

I'm sure I'll regret it later.

I'm scared.

Oh, sweetie,

there's nothing to be scared about.

[SCREAM] Ah!

Mommy, I don't want a shot!

I think I feel better. Let's go.

Oh, honey. Would you trust me?

Believe me, this is an absolute cinch.

Just be glad that you don't have stirrups

like at my doctor.

Your doctor has a pony?

No, honey. These are for...

Oh, never mind.

You'll discover the joys of womanhood soon enough.

Hi, Gracie.

I'm Dr. Link. I'm covering for Dr. Sherwood.

Don't worry. I'm very gentle.

Fran says I don't want a gentle doctor.

[WHISPERS] That's gentile.

Okay, Gracie.

I want to hear you breathe.

Have you ever seen a stethoscope?

Have you ever been sued for malpractice?

Gracie... You haven't, have you?

We settled out of court.

Okay. I'd like to look at your throat.

Where are my... tongue depressors?

Uh... I may have one. Oh... yeah. Here we go.

Yeah, well, you never know

when you're going to run into Monty Hall.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, look at all these diplomas--

Harvard, Yale, Columbia.

Couldn't settle in, huh?

Actually, I'm certified in several specialties.

Ohh... is there a Mrs. Link?

We're divorced.

Oh, so she's like the missing link.

Gee, that's a new one.

Tough room.

Okay, Gracie,

can I get you to open your mouth?

Mm-mmm.

Oh, come on, honey, like this.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Okay, well, you just have

the tail end of that nasty flu.

You're going to be fine.

You, on the other hand,

you have a nasty-looking throat.

Oh, Doc, no.

It's just a little tickle.

Honestly. I never get sick.

Healthy as a horse. Come on, Gracie, let's get out of

Say "ahh."

Like this, Fran... Ahh.

Ahh.

Hmm...

I'm afraid I'm going to have to take those tonsils out.

Yeah, well, unless you're talking about dinner and dancing,

they're not interested.

I don't have a good feeling about this place.

Oh, Miss Fine,

this is one of the top medical institutions

in the country.

They've got no padded hangers,

no hair conditioner,

not even a little sewing kit.

But they do turn down your bed

and leave a Valium on your pillow.

Oh. All right.

Brighton, get me some hangers from the old lady.

But she's asleep.

So? She won't miss them. Go. Grab.

Fran, you know,

you're only going to be here overnight.

Listen, this is the closest

I'll ever get to a large group of doctors.

I promised my mother I'd look my best.

You know, Fran, you're being really brave about this surgery.

I'd be afraid I was gonna die.

Aren't visiting hours over for children?

No one dies from having their tonsils out.

That's what they told my Aunt Pola.

She went in for bursitis,

but she developed a bedsore

that turned into phlebitis

that caused a massive stroke.

If they ever settle her case,

she'll be the richest vegetable in Bayside.

Ooh, I love this vest. Can I have it...

you know, if you don't make it?

I'll leave it for you in my will.

If you haven't promised your Reba McEntire CDs to anyone--

Can't you all wait until they hang the tag on my toe?

Would you all stop being so morbid?

There's absolutely no risk involved.

Your life insurance is paid up, isn't it?

I'm Nurse Smith. Get in bed.

I'm not the patient.

I know.

Here. Sign these.

What are they?

Release forms. Don't talk.

That's all it takes?

I should have tried that ages ago.

Hey, what's this about complications?

Oh, you know, in case they leave in a sponge or...

Oh, does that happen often?

I already retain water two weeks out of the month.

You're going to be just fine.

Visiting hours are over. Say "goodbye."

You mean "good night."

Whatever. I'm off in 15 minutes.

Well, good night, Miss Fine.

Now, you get some rest, and we'll be back to see you

before your operation tomorrow.

Good night.

Good night, Fran. Good night, Miss Fine.

Good night.

Remember, afterwards, you get all the ice cream you want.

Swell. If I live, I'll be hippy.

Here, Fran.

I thought you might want someone to sleep with.

Oh, how sweet...

and look at his nice furry back.

You must come from my neighborhood.

Thank you, angel.

You're going to be okay?

Hey, what's my last name?

Fine.

So I'll be fine,

and I'll take good care of Teddy too.

Just try not to drool. He hates that.

Hey, listen, you,

if you think about getting frisky during the night,

don't wake me.

[SIGHS] I'm having an operation tomorrow,

so I'm not allowed to eat anything,

but you go ahead.

Mmm. Turkey.

I wonder if it's real or pressed.

Well, maybe I'll just taste.

Oh.

Ah, you're not missing anything. No.

You know, you're a great little listener.

When my mother had her hysterectomy,

oh, did she have a loudmouth roommate.

I swear, after one day,

she wanted to reach up and yank it out herself.

Oh, look.Hard Copy.

The Menendez boys.

Oh, you know, I don't get it.

They don't have the brains to just leave home,

but they can figure out

how to put their pants on over their shackles.

Let's see if I can get some volume going here.

Hmm. This thing's not working.

What's wrong with this?

[BEEPING]

NURSE: What happened in here?

Nothing, nothing. I didn't do anything.

We were just talking.

Her over there, me over here

with all this space in between us

and then all of a sudden, all hell broke loose.

Excuse me, sir.

When you get a chance, I could use a remote.

And finally,

"do you ever lead a man on"

"with no intention of following through?"

Oh, never.

Well, occasionally.

All right, always. Always.

Oh, never. Who's going to know?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

Oh, good. She's alive.

Sure. They haven't cut her open yet.

Yeah, and that's where things

can go really wrong.

One slip of that scalpel and--

oh, I'll tell you later.

All right, you've seen her. She's fine. Let's go.

Oh, Miss Babcock. You look gorgeous.

Much too young to be going to a reunion.

Of redwoods, maybe.

Dear Niles. Always so witty.

Especially for a servant.

At least when I offer something,

people take it.

C.C., aren't you going to wish Fran good luck?

Oh, all right.

Nanny Fine,

I know you're scared now, but just remember,

when you wake up from surgery,

you'll find that the excruciating agony

of an adult tonsillectomy

is far worse than anything you can imagine.

Good luck.

I'm out of here.

Oh, no, Miss Fine.

Wo-- would it make you feel better

if we stayed through the surgery?

Oh, no. She's a big girl. She doesn't need us to stay.

Sure she does.

Well, where are those parents you're always babbling about?

They happen to be on their annual pilgrimage

to the Holy Land.

Jerusalem?

Miami.

Maxwell...

Who's more important, me or the nanny?

[HUMS THEME FROM JEOPARDY!] ♪♪ Da-bum-bum-bum ♪♪

♪♪ Bum-bum-bum Bum-bum-bum-ba-da-da-dum ♪♪

C.C., for heaven's sake.

She's going into surgery.

You go on. I'll catch up later.

I can't show up without an escort.

Why don't you just inflate one like you usually do?

And these are my beautiful twins

playing with me at work.

Thank God NASA has daycare.

So does the U.N.

You know, my little Boutros

can say "jungle gym" in 12 languages.

C.C., does your employer provide day care?

Well, actually, I don't have any children yet.

Ohh. Ohh.

But you are married?

Well, not yet.

Ohh. Ohh.

Okay now. Just relax

and count backwards from 100.

One hundred... 99...

[SLURS] 98...

♪♪ 97 bottles of beer On the wall ♪♪

Quick! I've got the release forms.

You take the pen.

You sure this is legal?

Oh, we always get them this way.

♪♪ 96 bottles ♪♪

Oh no! I've lost the children.

Shh! Don't tell Mr. Sheffield.

It's all right, Miss Fine.

The children are having dinner

in the cafeteria.

Oh, I hope they don't order turkey.

It's pressed.

She's, uh, dead to the world.

Oh, I'm dead?

Oh, that's so sad.

I want Maggie to have all my clothes,

And I want Gracie

to have all of my Barbie dolls.

About your Reba McEntire CDs--

Niles!

Bad form, old man.

Sorry, sir.

Beep beep.

Chester Meffield?

Oh, I believe that's you, sir.

[SLURS] Chester Meffield.

I want you to have...

me.

[KISSING NOISES]

All set? Where's my pen?

Here she blows.

Surprised she hasn't taken her own tonsils out.

[LAUGHS] Ah ha.

All right, come on, young lady.

We'll have you eating ice cream before you know it.

Oh, ah, Doctor,

perhaps while you're in there,

if it's not much trouble,

you could have a look at her adenoids?

Why? Do they bother her?

Well, not so much her...

We, um, have a theory

that perhaps something's loose

in there.

Yes. Anything that jiggles,

tighten it up.

Well, off you go.

Chester Meffield.

Yeah, everything is going to be just fine.

Don't you worry. I'll be here when you wake up.

Chester Meffield,

I love you.

C.C., darling,

please join us.

Your Maxwell has obviously been detained

by something more important.

Oh, he'll be here any minute.

He adores me,

absolutely worships the ground I walk on.

So I guess this evening

he'll be worshipping from afar?

You know, I think it's so nice that you two are still friends.

I thought you'd never forgive her

after that weekend in Barbados with Bill.

[GASPS]

My Bill?

I thought you knew.

Oops.

You know, if you squeeze this IV,

blood comes out of the old lady

and into the bag.

Brighton.

Just a theory.

She came through just fine.

She'll be up in a couple of minutes.

Oh, splendid news.

Oh, by the way, uh...

her adenoids are quite remarkable.

I'd remove them,

but I'm afraid her head might cave in.

All right, children. Off you go.

Down to the gift shop and get some flowers.

And I think she wants some candy.

And aPlayboy.

It was worth a shot.

Niles? Sir?

I didn't want to say anything in front of the children,

but I am worried about Miss Fine.

But the doctor said she was all right.

Well, not that.

Oh, good God, man. You heard her.

She's in love with me.

Oh, sir, she was a bit woozy.

I wouldn't take it seriously.

But I must. Poor little thing,

pining away all this time,

and I never even noticed.

I should have seen the signs, I suppose,

but I always thought of her as just the nanny.

Well, a wonderful nanny, to be sure.

Loving and wise in her way.

Funny and sweet.

But just the nanny.

Well, exactly.

Oh, this is all so awkward.

Not that I can blame her, really.

I suppose she was just... dazzled.

You are quite a catch, sir.

Oh, the last thing in the world I want

is to hurt her.

I--I--

I just hope I can let her down gently.

I love you.

I love you too.

She was the most popular girl

in Recovery.

Hey, Skinny. I love you too.

I don't want to hear it.

Not a word, sir.

Excuse me.

[LAUGHING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

C.C., I am so sorry I'm late.

Mmm.

The surgery took a lot longer than I was expecting,

but I'm here now and ready to dazzle them.

Everyone,

I want you to meet the light of my life,

Maxwell Sheffield.

Mucho Gusto, señor.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SNEEZES]

Ohh. Uh.

Would you care for some tea?

Ice cream?

Coming right up.

Now what?

I need a pot of tea, properly strained,

and Miss Fine requires more ice cream.

With sprinkles, yeah, yeah.

God.

Whose idea was it to give them those bells, anyway?

So, Nanny Fine.

Cat got your tongue?

Oh, this is a dream come true.

I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.

I have that dream too,

but you go in the other direction.

So, Nanny Fine,

let's have a little chat.

Oh, I forgot.

You can't talk, can you?

Well, I guess for once, you'll just have to listen.

[CROAKS] Oh, that's okay.

You can just hold it.

Here.

It's good to soak your feet.

Very fashionable.

What are you going to do with that?

I thought I'd make it into a nice lamp.