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Niles, this steak is a little tough.
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So is life...
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and then you die.
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Okay, what do you think?
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This one itches, but I look taller.
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This one pinches, but I look thinner.
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Have you ever considered
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choosing a wardrobe based on comfort?
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No.
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Once you start dressing for comfort,
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the next thing you know, you're on line at Pathmark,
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wearing orthopedic shoes, buying Nair.
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It is just a P.T.A. meeting.
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Yeah, well, meanwhile some of those P's and T's
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could be lonely he's.
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You've certainly got the A for it.
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Meanwhile, I don't want to embarrass Gracie.
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You could never embarrass me.
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Oh...
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Except that time at the playground
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you screamed at Bobby Mitchell for hogging a swing.
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Well, it was my turn.
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What do you think, Mags?
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Go with the black.
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Smaller price tags are easier to hide,
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and you can still return it.
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Very good!
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At this age, they're like a sponge.
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She's got almost as much personality.
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Oh, look.
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The P.T.A. is planning their big pageant.
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Isn't that right up your alley?
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I produce plays for a living.
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Why on earth would I want to do that in my spare time?
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Well, because Grace is going to be in it.
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She is?
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I am?
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You are.
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Come on. It'll be fun.
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You'll get to play with all the other children,
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wear makeup, costumes...
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Besides, it's a great way to get guys.
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What do I do with them when I get them?
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Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
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Grace performing in public?
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Yeah, what's the matter?
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Well, for one thing,
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she's in therapy twice a week
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for being insecure and introverted.
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So is Barbra Streisand,
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but meanwhile, she's getting a thousand bucks a ticket,
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and that's without a beverage.
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Liza, we got prime rib.
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♪♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪♪
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♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
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♪♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪♪
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♪♪ In one Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
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♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪
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♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
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♪♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪♪
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♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
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♪♪ She was there to sell makeup ♪♪
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♪♪ But the father saw more ♪♪
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♪♪ She had style, she had flair She was there ♪♪
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♪♪ That's how she became The Nanny ♪♪
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♪♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪♪
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♪♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
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♪♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
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♪♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Such joie de vivre She's the lady in red ♪♪
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♪♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪♪
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♪♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪♪
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♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
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Oh, I'm just wild about this school.
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Wasn't it sweet
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the way they hung all the arts and crafts
78
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out in the hall?
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I tell you, that Pablo is a very talented kid.
80
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Miss Fine, that was a Picasso.
81
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An adult did those?
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Eh.
83
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Oh, don't look now,
84
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but we are making quite a stir.
85
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Guess I wore the right outfit.
86
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Miss Fine, they're looking at me.
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They think just because I'm a Broadway producer
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and I'm at this meeting,
89
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they're gonna rope me into staging the pageant.
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Uh-oh. Here it comes.
91
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Oh, boy.
92
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I love your outfit. Everybody's talking about it.
93
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Oh, thank you.
94
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Mr. Sheffield, what a surprise.
95
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I know how busy you are.
96
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Night and day, like a dog,
97
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but never too busy for his kids.
98
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And you are?
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This is our nanny, Miss Fran Fine.
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This is Miss Emma Trusdale,
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Lexington's headmistress.
102
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Oh, head mistress, huh?
103
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Honey, you're living in a dream world.
104
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No matter what they say,
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they never leave their wives.
106
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[CLEARS THROAT]
107
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We're about to begin, Mr. Sheffield.
108
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Why don't you just have a seat here
109
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on the front row next to me?
110
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Hmm. Teacher's pet, huh?
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Attention, everyone.
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In a wonderful coincidence,
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we are here to discuss this year's school pageant,
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and we have amongst us
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the esteemed Broadway producer
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Maxwell Sheffield.
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I'm your greatest fan.
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That shade of lipstick looks great on your butt.
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Miss Fine, would you care to share that with everyone?
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No, Miss Trusdale.
121
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And now to the business at hand.
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We need a volunteer
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to serve as director for this year's pageant,
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Mother Goose's Broadway.
125
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Here it comes.
126
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Well, it wouldn't hurt you to get involved.
127
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Perhaps Mr. Sheffield can?
128
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Suggest someone?
129
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Oh, yes, I'd be delighted to.
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I'd like to suggest Miss Fran Fine.
131
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Oh, me?
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Her?
133
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I don't know anything about theater.
134
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Remarkably,
135
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that's never stopped you from doing anything.
136
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Well, I did play Hodel
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in the third-grade production of Fiddler.
138
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No, no, if Mr. Sheffield is busy,
139
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I'm sure one of the other parents
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is eager to volunteer for this exciting challenge.
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TheFlushing Observer "Fran Fine was a standout
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as Tevye's lost but heavily made-up daughter."
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Anyone at all, just raise your hand.
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The time to raise your hand would be now.
145
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How about you, Miss Fine?
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Oh, Miss Trusdale, I accept,
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and I just want to thank you all
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for your confidence in me.
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I only hope I can live up to your expec--
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[THUMPS] Moving on!
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Tations.
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FRAN: Hey, hey, hey.
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No running.
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You can poke somebody's eye out.
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I just gave my first piece of direction.
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Hmm. And I was there.
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Mommy, I'm hungry.
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You ate yesterday!
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Fat girls don't get leads.
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[GASPS]
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Good God!
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I just had a horrible flashback
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to thoseAnnie 2 auditions.
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh.
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Back!
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Back.
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Keep moving, Maxwell.
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They're small, but they're dangerous when they swarm.
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Okay, everybody.
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I want my dancing daisies over here,
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my singing mushrooms over there.
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Daisies, mushrooms.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. You, you, you.
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You're not a flower. You're a fungus.
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Miss Fine, where's the sign-up sheet?
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The what?
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Well, you really ought to have a sign-up sheet.
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Oh, it isn't necessary. This is just a kids' play.
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What do we do with our music?
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Oh, give it to the accompanist.
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You do have an accompanist.
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Oh, yes, yes. Of course we do.
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Uh, Maggie,
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get off the phone and go sit at the piano. Okay.
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Hey, big guy.
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Excuse me?
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I hear you're close to the director.
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Fran? Oh, she works for us.
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Gee, I'd do anything to play the lead,
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and I do mean anything.
191
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Does your mother know you're saying this?
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Oh, yeah. She wrote it down for me. See?
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And now I'm supposed to kiss you!
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Sing, Bernard.
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Sing, Bernard!
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Sing!
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That's okay, Bernard.
198
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That's okay. We'll make you a mushroom.
199
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Shiitake.
200
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Okay, next we're going to audition
201
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for the first-grade number.
202
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Now, this scene opens up the whole pageant.
203
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Gracie, you're on.
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[IN TIMID VOICE] ♪♪ The itsy-bitsy spider ♪♪
205
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♪♪ Went up the water spout ♪♪
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Sing it, Gracie!
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[LOUDER] ♪♪ Down came the rain And washed the spider out ♪♪
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One more time.
209
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♪♪ Out came the sun ♪♪
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♪♪ And dried up all the rain ♪♪ Bring it home!
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♪♪ And the itsy-bitsy spider ♪♪
212
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♪♪ Went up the spout again ♪♪
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Oh, wonderful, wonderful, my darling!
214
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Wasn't she wonderful?
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Mm!
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WOMAN: We're next.
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Oh.
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Come on, dear.
219
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Now stand right here, sweetheart. Smile.
220
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All right, and one and two and three--
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Tempo! [PLAYS PIANO]
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♪♪ Johnny could only Sing one note ♪♪
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♪♪ And the note He sang was this ♪♪
224
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♪♪ Ah... ♪♪
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Thank you.
226
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[NOTE CONTINUES]
227
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Thank you!
228
00:09:07,466 --> 00:09:09,100
[NOTE CONTINUES]
229
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[SCREAMS] Thank you!
230
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Thank you. That was very nice.
231
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Sit down, honey.
232
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Well, I don't even think there's a question, do you?
233
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It's Gracie by a mile!
234
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Miss Fine, how could you possibly make that choice?
235
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This other girl was phenomenal!
236
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What do I care about that little girl? Am I her nanny?
237
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No, you're the director. You're supposed to cast actors
238
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according to talent, not on who they know.
239
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What show business are you working in?
240
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Besides, look at Gracie.
241
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She's already so confident and outgoing.
242
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Have you ever seen her so happy?
243
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Daddy, I got the part!
244
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They like me. They really like me.
245
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Aw.
246
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I suppose it was the right choice.
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I'll work with her.
248
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Sure.
249
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FRAN: And touch and step and touch and step...
250
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And turn, turn, turn,
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cross, and squat.
252
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Very, very good.
253
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Now, help Miss Fine up.
254
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Oy!
255
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Thank you.
256
00:10:20,183 --> 00:10:22,483
Meanwhile, these pantyhose have a life of their own.
257
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Mr. Sheffield, you've decided to help after
258
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Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not here to direct the show.
259
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I'm just here to support my little girl. Oh.
260
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Oh, hi, Mr. Sheffield. Hi, Daddy!
261
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Hello. How's it going?
262
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Oh, fabulous. The kids are having a great time.
263
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Stanley, stop biting my leg.
264
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What did you think of the number?
265
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Well, why, uh--
266
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Why are they all wearing paper bags on their heads?
267
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They're mushroom caps.
268
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Ah.
269
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Who did the wardrobe, A&P?
270
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Maybe.
271
00:10:57,216 --> 00:10:58,483
I had a choice of paper or plastic,
272
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,266
but you know, they tend to discourage
273
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,233
plastic bags on kids' heads.
274
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,466
Well, I suppose it'll all come together
275
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,160
once the set's up.
276
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,250
The set is up.
277
00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:10,466
Hmm.
278
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,100
You know,
279
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:13,233
not to discourage your input here,
280
00:11:13,266 --> 00:11:14,316
but, uh, well,
281
00:11:14,350 --> 00:11:16,333
I kind of have a vision going.
282
00:11:16,366 --> 00:11:20,333
Perhaps Mr. Sheffield could just fine-tune the costumes.
283
00:11:20,366 --> 00:11:22,330
And the scenery.
284
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:23,116
And the lights.
285
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,216
Maybe tell the actors where to stand.
286
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,466
And how to deliver their lines.
287
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,400
I'm not an expert on theatrical terminology,
288
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,160
but, uh...
289
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,466
Wouldn't that be considered directing?
290
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,330
All right, if you insist.
291
00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:38,100
Gracie, honey, Daddy's going to direct.
292
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:41,216
Yoo-hoo, aren't you forgetting just one thing?
293
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:44,100
Oh, all right, I'll do the choreography too.
294
00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:45,266
Well, what about Fran?
295
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,333
Yeah. What about Fran?
296
00:11:46,366 --> 00:11:48,200
You could be the producer.
297
00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:49,316
That's right. Congratulations!
298
00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:50,383
Yes, congratulations.
299
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:53,283
Now, Miss Trusdale,
300
00:11:53,316 --> 00:11:56,466
I see a follow spot and a low French horn.
301
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,383
Yes! Just wailing out...
302
00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:00,383
Shouldn't the producer be in on this?
303
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:03,466
We'll do lunch.
304
00:12:09,266 --> 00:12:11,300
♪♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪♪
305
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:17,316
♪♪ Its fleece was white as snow ♪♪
306
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:19,166
♪♪ Oh ♪♪
307
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,266
Thank you!
308
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,200
♪♪ Oh ♪♪ MAXWELL: Thank you!
309
00:12:23,483 --> 00:12:27,160
Andrea, love, you're not blending in.
310
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,166
You're upstaging everyone.
311
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,100
My mother says my voice is a gift.
312
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:33,500
Well, return it.
313
00:12:34,483 --> 00:12:37,830
Uh, second-- second flower,
314
00:12:37,116 --> 00:12:38,416
Where are you going? Get back in line.
315
00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:40,660
She has to make.
316
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,316
She has to make what?
317
00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:43,250
A doody.
318
00:12:43,283 --> 00:12:45,183
Very well. Carry on.
319
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,466
MAXWELL: Grace.
320
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,266
Sweetheart, you're not relating to your lamb.
321
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,233
You see, you have to listen to the lyrics.
322
00:12:53,266 --> 00:12:56,150
The lamb follows you everywhere you go.
323
00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:57,466
You're very attached to it.
324
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,233
I don't get it.
325
00:12:59,266 --> 00:13:01,250
The lamb's co-dependent.
326
00:13:01,283 --> 00:13:03,366
Oh.
327
00:13:05,330 --> 00:13:07,250
All right. Once more from the top.
328
00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:08,466
This time just Grace.
329
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,330
[IN SMALL VOICE] ♪♪ Mary had a little-- ♪♪
330
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,316
We're forgetting everything!
331
00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:17,660
All right. We'll work on it later.
332
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,830
Go on. Take five. Not you, Grace.
333
00:13:19,116 --> 00:13:21,216
You better work on your time step.
334
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:23,166
Oh, these amateurs.
335
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,500
Where are the great child actors when you need them?
336
00:13:26,830 --> 00:13:28,483
Robbing 7-Elevens.
337
00:13:30,466 --> 00:13:32,330
Careful, Gracie.
338
00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:34,283
Wouldn't want to fall off the stage.
339
00:13:34,316 --> 00:13:37,166
Andrea, got a cookie.
340
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,383
Fetch.
341
00:13:41,183 --> 00:13:43,316
It was more fun when you were directing.
342
00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:46,133
I know. Can I get you anything?
343
00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:49,316
Juice... and to beep my therapist.
344
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,830
Oh.
345
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,150
[SHOES TAPPING]
346
00:13:58,283 --> 00:14:00,233
Oh, she's been tapping for hours.
347
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:01,300
I'll tell you, it's a crime.
348
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:04,500
I'll say. I just waxed the floor.
349
00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:05,450
She's like the Energizer rabbit.
350
00:14:05,483 --> 00:14:07,350
She just keeps going and going.
351
00:14:07,383 --> 00:14:09,416
The vacuum cleaner is destroyed.
352
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:12,150
Hoover doesn't make a gummi bear attachment.
353
00:14:12,183 --> 00:14:14,316
Nothing that she does is good enough.
354
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:16,233
What is the matter with that man?
355
00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:18,166
Doesn't he believe in nepotism?
356
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,250
I mean, where would Lorna Luft be today?
357
00:14:21,283 --> 00:14:24,000
Did you ever try to get Bazooka out of brocade?
358
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,330
[TAPPING CONTINUES]
359
00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:26,100
Wait a minute. What's that?
360
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,300
I believe it's Morse code.
361
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:31,450
S... O... S.
362
00:14:31,483 --> 00:14:34,200
She needs my help. I gotta talk to Mr. Sheffield.
363
00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:35,333
I don't know what you're doing.
364
00:14:35,366 --> 00:14:37,183
An ice cube will lift that gum right up.
365
00:14:37,216 --> 00:14:39,333
Hmm.
366
00:14:39,366 --> 00:14:42,350
Of course I've always wanted to direct as well,
367
00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:44,266
and I find the children's theater genre
368
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,150
absolutely fascinating.
369
00:14:46,183 --> 00:14:48,266
How do you spell genre?
370
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:52,200
Mr. Sheffield, can I have a word with you, please?
371
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:54,000
Well, I'm in the middle of an interview, Miss Fine.
372
00:14:54,330 --> 00:14:55,416
Oh. Take your time.
373
00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:57,283
[HUMS]
374
00:14:57,316 --> 00:14:59,000
Could you give us a minute, please?
375
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,333
Okay, but don't keep me waiting.
376
00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:05,000
I'm also the reviewer.
377
00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:06,233
Make sure on show night
378
00:15:06,266 --> 00:15:08,216
we have plenty of cookies backstage for the press.
379
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:10,830
Mr. Sheffield,
380
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:12,350
aren't you taking this a little too seriously?
381
00:15:12,383 --> 00:15:14,500
Absolutely not.
382
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,830
Excuse me, sir. Andrew Lloyd Webber phoned.
383
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,333
You have the Phantom orchestra.
384
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:19,116
Yes!
385
00:15:20,183 --> 00:15:22,133
Well, you're the one who wanted me to get involved.
386
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:23,333
Yes, I know,
387
00:15:23,366 --> 00:15:25,350
but you're working these kids entirely too hard,
388
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,400
especially Gracie.
389
00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:28,150
Oh, my father pushed me,
390
00:15:28,183 --> 00:15:30,160
and look where I am today.
391
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:33,100
Three thousand miles and an ocean away.
392
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,366
I'm telling you,
393
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,830
you're turning her into a regular Lennie Scheinbaum.
394
00:15:37,116 --> 00:15:39,830
Miss Fine, please spare me.
395
00:15:39,116 --> 00:15:40,150
All right.
396
00:15:40,183 --> 00:15:41,216
[HUMMING]
397
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,266
Okay, who's Lennie Scheinbaum?
398
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:47,660
His father made him so nervous
399
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,660
about taking over the family business
400
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,500
that he started pulling his hair out of his head
401
00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:52,450
and was bald by the time he was 15.
402
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:55,233
Although he did become C.E.O.
403
00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:58,183
for the largest linoleum chain in the tri-state area.
404
00:15:58,216 --> 00:16:00,183
Did I mention he was interested in me?
405
00:16:00,216 --> 00:16:02,466
See, I knew I shouldn't have asked.
406
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,166
I'm giving you pearls here.
407
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,133
I'm telling you, if you don't stop pushing her,
408
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,450
Gracie's gonna grow up to resent her father.
409
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,116
Nonsense.
410
00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:10,466
Oh, that's what Lennie's father thought
411
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,830
until Lennie shipped him off
412
00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:14,660
to the Lincoln Tunnel retirement home--
413
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,183
Jersey view.
414
00:16:15,216 --> 00:16:19,500
Well, unlike the ingrate Scheinbaum,
415
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:21,366
Grace appreciates that I just want her to be the best.
416
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,160
You know, this was supposed to be a fun experience,
417
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,116
but instead she's upstairs tapping her brains out
418
00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:30,233
like some kind of a deranged Ann Miller.
419
00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:32,150
That's redundant.
420
00:16:34,166 --> 00:16:36,400
Miss Fine, you're overreacting.
421
00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:38,300
I suppose this doesn't have anything to do
422
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:41,100
with my replacing you as director.
423
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,283
Oh, well,
424
00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:45,283
if that isn't the most insulting, petty thing
425
00:16:45,316 --> 00:16:46,383
I ever heard.
426
00:16:46,416 --> 00:16:49,333
Besides, I wasn't replaced.
427
00:16:49,366 --> 00:16:51,416
I was promoted to producer.
428
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:53,433
Sucker.
429
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:58,250
Mr. Sheffield, can the producer fire the director?
430
00:16:58,283 --> 00:16:59,283
Yes.
431
00:16:59,316 --> 00:17:00,366
Oh?
432
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:04,000
As easily as a father can fire the nanny.
433
00:17:04,330 --> 00:17:05,133
Oh.
434
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:16,200
Are you the usher?
435
00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:19,330
No. I'm the producer.
436
00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:20,400
Let me see your tickets.
437
00:17:25,316 --> 00:17:27,160
Lady...
438
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,660
will you wipe my nose?
439
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:36,266
No.
440
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,216
[SNIFFLES]
441
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,283
Don't you have any parents?
442
00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:45,500
Yeah, but they're busy.
443
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:47,160
J.B. Binghamton, the investment banker,
444
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,830
is your father? Yes.
445
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:52,233
Blow.
446
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,330
I can't believe Dad made us come.
447
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,160
This is gonna be so lame.
448
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,660
Children, this is your sister's big night.
449
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:03,400
I think we should all support her.
450
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,433
I brought cards. I'll deal.
451
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:11,333
Miss Fine? Uh, we, uh, we have a bit of a crisis.
452
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,150
Grace is refusing to go on.
453
00:18:15,183 --> 00:18:17,300
I-- I think it's stage fright.
454
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,283
Oh, well, I wonder why.
455
00:18:19,316 --> 00:18:22,250
You've made the stage such a warm and loving place.
456
00:18:22,283 --> 00:18:24,416
I need your help.
457
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,200
You need to speak with her.
458
00:18:26,233 --> 00:18:28,250
Me, talk to the actors?
459
00:18:28,283 --> 00:18:30,416
Why, isn't that the director's job?
460
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,233
MAXWELL: What? Well, what?
461
00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:39,660
You want me to admit I was wrong?
462
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,350
Oh, you think I'm that small?
463
00:18:41,383 --> 00:18:43,200
Turns out I am.
464
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:45,830
Fine. I was wrong.
465
00:18:45,116 --> 00:18:46,416
I'll hang myself later.
466
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:48,150
Look, all I wanted was for Grace
467
00:18:48,183 --> 00:18:50,250
to go out on that stage and have everyone love her.
468
00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:53,000
Honey, she doesn't care if everyone loves her.
469
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:55,830
All she cares is if you love her.
470
00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:58,160
I'm turning into Lennie Scheinbaum's father.
471
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:01,433
Worse. My own.
472
00:19:01,466 --> 00:19:03,266
I swore I'd never be like him.
473
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:06,500
Oh, that's all right, Mr. Sheffield.
474
00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:08,160
I myself have to fight the urge
475
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,150
to wash out gefilte fish jars and use them as glasses.
476
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:12,350
Hmm.
477
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:13,416
She's in here.
478
00:19:15,216 --> 00:19:17,216
Um, Gracie, honey.
479
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:18,250
Aw.
480
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:20,660
I can't work with that man.
481
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:21,133
Oh.
482
00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:23,116
Grace, sweetheart,
483
00:19:23,150 --> 00:19:24,416
I'm-- I'm sorry I was such an ogre.
484
00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:28,830
I didn't mean to push you so hard.
485
00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:29,383
Look...
486
00:19:29,416 --> 00:19:31,316
you're more important to me
487
00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:33,266
than any silly play.
488
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:37,000
I'm so proud of you whether you go on or not.
489
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:38,830
Thank you, Daddy.
490
00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:39,316
[CHUCKLES]
491
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:41,466
Because I really don't wanna go on.
492
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,350
Are you insane?
493
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,500
The house is full.
494
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,160
We've got a critic out there.
495
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,830
The whole show rests on your shoulders.
496
00:19:49,116 --> 00:19:51,416
Paging Mr. Scheinbaum.
497
00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:53,233
Sorry.
498
00:19:53,266 --> 00:19:55,100
Wrong again.
499
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:57,400
Oh, sweetheart, it's just that
500
00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:59,300
you've worked so hard at this show,
501
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:01,830
and I really think you could be brilliant.
502
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:05,000
I'm sorry, Daddy. I just can't.
503
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,100
Miss Fine?
504
00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:08,216
Yeah.
505
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,133
The one time I'd like you to butt in.
506
00:20:10,166 --> 00:20:12,333
Hey, I'm with her. Who needs it?
507
00:20:12,366 --> 00:20:15,160
All those people looking at you,
508
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,250
all the lights in your eye--
509
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,150
Oh, the whole thing's a turn-off.
510
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,383
Thank you, Miss Fine.
511
00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:20,466
You know what, honey?
512
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,166
Don't worry. The show will go on.
513
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,200
Andrea knows all of your lines.
514
00:20:25,233 --> 00:20:27,660
She will take your place.
515
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,183
Over my dead body.
516
00:20:29,216 --> 00:20:30,400
Hold the curtain!
517
00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:33,233
Makeup!
518
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:36,350
That's why they call me the producer.
519
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,250
Ladies and gentlemen,
520
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:47,000
welcome to the Lexington Academy's annual pageant,
521
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,416
a Maxwell Sheffield production.
522
00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:50,466
WOMAN: Oh, yay!
523
00:21:01,466 --> 00:21:03,166
[FULL ORCHESTRA PLAYING]
524
00:21:34,133 --> 00:21:38,100
[SMALL VOICE] ♪♪ The itsy-bitsy spider ♪♪
525
00:21:38,133 --> 00:21:40,433
♪♪ Went up the water spout ♪♪
526
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:45,233
♪♪ Down came the rain And washed the spider out ♪♪
527
00:21:45,266 --> 00:21:47,466
My God, she has got something, hasn't she?
528
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:51,116
Yeah. Guts.
529
00:21:54,416 --> 00:21:56,450
[♪♪♪]
530
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,250
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, the reviews are in.
531
00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:10,216
Oh, let me see. What do they say?
532
00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:12,160
Well, they loved Gracie.
533
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:13,150
and they said the programs
534
00:22:13,183 --> 00:22:15,100
were neatly folded-- That was me.
535
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:16,366
Y-yeah, what did they say about the production?
536
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,330
Oh, "not sinceHudson Hawk has there been such a...
537
00:22:20,660 --> 00:22:21,116
overproduced,
538
00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,350
underdirected piece of dreck."
539
00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:24,466
Hack.
540
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,400
Oh, that's all right, Mr. Sheffield.
541
00:22:26,433 --> 00:22:29,183
Next year you could fold the programs.
37182
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