Original subtitles

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(birds singing)

(birds singing)

(water trickling)

(window creaks)

(male voice hums)

(male whistles)

(hums)

(clock ticks)

(whistles)

Oh, no.

(hums)

(tuts)

Now then...

Oh.

Bother.

Oh.

(groans)

(sighs)

Eugh!

Oh, dear.

(hums)

That's better.

Bother and blow!

- So much to do. - (clock cuckoos)

Oh, hang spring-cleaning!

Oh, my! Oh, my!

(grasshopper chirps)

(sniffs)

(bee buzzes)

(groans)

Ah.

Oh!

Oh.

(dragonfly buzzes)

(chuckles)

(exhales)

(Mole) Hello.

- Rat? - Hello, Mole!

Didn't think you chaps ever came out in the sunlight.

Why don't you come over?

(Mole) Oh, it's all very well to talk.

Ah, yes.

- (Mole) A boat. - (Rat) That's right.

(Rat) Hang on to that.

Thank you.

(Rat) Come on, step lively.

Ooh...

I've... ne-never been in a boat.

(Rat) Never been in a...

Well, I... What have you been doing all your life?

L-Is it... so nice?

Nice? (chuckles) It's the only thing.

Believe me, there is nothing,

absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.

Messing about, er, in boats.

Simply messing.

- Look out, Rat! - (Rat) Oh!

(both) Ooh'.!

(Rat groans)

Are... Are you alright?

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

Yes. Messing about in boats.

Or with boats. In or out of them, it doesn't matter.

(sighs happily)

Look here, if you've nothing else on hand this afternoon,

would you care to go for a row down the river?

Care to?

We might have a picnic.

(Rat grunts) Shove that down there.

- (Mole) Y-Your house? - (Rat) That's right.

(Mole) Oh, my.

So, this is a river.

(Rat) The river.

(Mole) You really live by the river?

(Rat) By it and with it and on it and in it.

It's brother and sister to me,

and aunts and company and food and drink

and, naturally, washing.

It's my world and I don't want any other.

What it hasn't got isn't worth having

and what it doesn't know isn't worth knowing.

Lord, the times we've had together, whether in winter or summer,

spring or autumn, it's always got its fun and its excitements.

(Rat) What do you say we moor here and have our picnic?

(Mole) Uh, yes.

(Rat) Now, what have we here?

There's cold chicken, cold tongue, cold ham, cold beef.

Pickled gherkin salad, French rolls, mustard and cress,

- potted meat, ginger beer, lemonade... - Stop, stop, this is too much!

Too much? Oh, do you really think so?

It's only what I usually take on these little excursions,

and Toad always tells me that I'm a mean beast and cut things very fine.

Now, pitch in, old fellow.

(Mole) Oh, my.

(More) My, oh, my!

(slurps)

Hmm.

(slurps)

(hiccups I giggles)

(Mole) Beautiful.

(they laugh)

(Rat) Mmm...

I say. There's old Badger.

Badger!

Badger, old chap! Come and join us.

(groans) Company.

Yes, that's just the sort of fellow he is.

Simply hates society. He'll be off home now.

Where does he live?

- In the Wild Wood. - Oh.

(Rat) We don't go there very much, we river people.

Is there something wrong with it?

Er, well, not wrong exactly.

The squirrels are alright and the hedgehogs and some of the rabbits.

And of course, no one interferes with Badger. They'd better not.

Why? Wh-Who should interfere with him?

Well, there are others, stoats and weasels.

Hello there, Mr Rat.

Having a picnic with your friend?

- Ooh, very nice. - Leave that alone.

(Stoat) Very nice.

(chuckles)

You ought to visit us Wild Wooders one day, sir.

You don't wanna believe everything people say about us.

(Weasel and Stoat laugh)

Afternoon, gentlemen.

(they snicker)

They don't seem too bad.

Well, they're alright in a way, but...

Well, I never go to the Wild Wood

and you won't either if you've got any sense.

Hello...

(Rat) Where is the potted meat?

(they laugh)

I couldn't eat another bite.

Well, I suppose I really ought to pack the basket.

Oh, do let me.

My dear fellow, please do if you'd really like to.

(sighs happily I dishes clatter)

(bee buzzes)

Oh.

(mutters)

Oh... Oh, bother.

(chuckles) Don't worry about that, old chap.

(Mole) Oh, what a splendid time we're having.

Look here, why don't you come and stay with me for a few days?

I live in a very plain and simple way.

My home is nothing like Toad Hall.

Toad Hall?

Oh, of course. You haven't met Toad yet, have you?

Why don't we drop down the river and call on him?

I... I suppose... I couldn't row, could I?

(Mole) Bother! Oh, bother.

Both oars together, old chap, if you can manage it.

Oh, yes, Rat.

(Rat plays the accordion)

♪ All along the backwater, through the rushes tall

♪ Ducks are a-dabbling, up tails all

♪ Ducks' tails, drakes' tails, yellow feet a-quiver

♪ Yellow bills all out of sight busy in the river

♪ Slushy green undergrowth where the roach swim

♪ Here we keep our larder cool and full and dim

(hums)

♪ Everyone for what he likes, we like to be

♪ Heads down, tails up, dabbling free

♪ High in the blue above, swifts whirl and call

A“ We are down a-dabbling, up tails all

(waltz music)

♪ High in the blue above, swifts whirl and call

♪ We're down a-dabbling

♪ Dab dab dabbling

A“ We are down a-dabbling, up tails all

(Rat) There's Toad Hall.

(Mole) My goodness.

You're sure it's alright to call on Mr Toad unannounced?

(chuckles) Oh, certainly.

It's never the wrong time to call on Toad.

(Rat) Yes, dear old Toad. He always has some new craze, you know.

I managed to get him interested in sculling.

He's not much good at it, but it keeps him out of mischief.

He's the best of animals really. So good natured and affectionate.

Perhaps he's not very clever, but we can't all be geniuses,

and he may be rather boastful and conceited,

but he has some great qualities, has Toady.

And Toad Hall is one of the finest houses in these parts.

Though, of course, we never say so to Toad.

- (Toad) Ah-ha! - (Rat) Hello, Toad. This is Mole.

Oh! Hello, Mole.

(laughs) Hooray! This is splendid.

Ratty, you're just the chap I wanted to see.

Having trouble with your boating?

Oh, poo! Boating? I've given that up long ago.

I've discovered the real thing.

The only genuine occupation of a lifetime.

Ooh-hoe! Come and see.

(neighs)

(Toad) Come along, come along. Just over here.

(neighs)

There you are.

(chuckles) The open road, the dusty highway.

Here today and up and off to somewhere else tomorrow.

Travel, change, excitement.

Oh, no.

Mind you, this is the finest cart ever built, without any exception.

(giggles) Designed it myself.

All complete. Nothing whatever forgotten.

And so you'll find when we all set out on our first expedition this afternoon.

We? This afternoon?

I'm not going and that's flat.

And Mole will do as I do, won't you, Mole?

Of course I will, Rat.

All the same, it sounds as if it might have been...

...well, rather fun, you know?

(horse neighs)

(pots clatter rhythmically)

♪ It's a life of ease on the open road

A“ Rambling where you please on the open road

♪ Here today and there tomorrow

♪ Wave goodbye to care and sorrow

♪ You can beg or steal or borrow

(all) 4' On the open road

♪ Huh! No one asked me how I feel

♪ About the open road

♪ You are free to roam on the open road

I Though you're far from home on the open road

♪ Never mind the wind or weather

(both) I Wandering the lanes together

A“ Through the hills and trees and heather

(all) 4' On the open road

(owl hoots I crickets chirp)

(Toad sighs happily)

(chuckles)

This is the life.

Talk about your old river.

I don't talk about my river.

I think about it. I think about it all the time.

- Ratty. - Hmm?

It's all my fault. Let's go home.

No, Moley, we'll see it out.

Thanks all the same, but we must stick by old Toad.

(horse neighs)

A“ So we sing our song on the open road

♪ As we roll along on the open road

♪ We've a whole wide world before us

- J' We'll be famous as explorers - (Rat laughs)

A“ Come on, Alfred, join the chorus

(all) 4' On the open road

- J' On the o... - J' O...

- J' ..pen - J' ..pen

♪ Road

♪ Road

I say, you fellows, this is the only way to travel.

- (car horn honks) - Eh?

(car approaches I horn honks)

Ugh!

(car horn honks I Alfred neighs)

(Toad yells)

(car horn honks)

(car horn honks)

(Mole) Steady on, Alfred.

No harm done.

- Villains! - (Mole) Whoa!

- Scoundrels! - (Mole) Whoa!

- Highwaymen! - Steady, Alfred.

- Road hogs! - Steady... Steady.

(wistfully) Poop, poop-

(Rat) Toad, old chap. Are you alright?

The poetry of motion.

Toad, Alfred's not hurt.

And I'm sure we can get the caravan mended and...

Caravan? Poo!

Nasty, common, canary-coloured cart.

That is the only way to travel. Ooh-hoo!

Here today, in next week tomorrow! Poop,poop!

- Now, Toad... - Poop,poop!Poop,poop!

Poop,poop!Poop,poop!

(engine starts)

(laughs)

(car backfires I sounds horn)

(laughs) Whoo!

(laughs) Poop. poop'-!

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Hey-hey-hey!

- Poop,poop!Poop,poop! - (honks horn)

(wheels screech / Toad cheers)

Toot, toot!

(Toad whoops I laughs) Poop, poop!

(tyres screech)

Hello, you fellows!

(laughs I yells)

(tyres screech / crash)

Oh, no.

(Toad) Poop. Poop.

Are you alright, Mr Toad?

- Ooh, you want to watch out. - (Stoat laughs)

You'll be had up for dangerous driving one of these days.

(laughs)

(Stoat sniggers)

(laughs giddily)

Poop,poop!

(cheers)

Wahey-hey-hey!

Oops! Oh.

Wahey-hey-hey!

(cheers)

Poop,poop!

(cheers / laughs) Poop!

(laughs) Poop. poop'-!

(laughs I cheers)

- (train whistles I driver yells) - Poop,poop!

Whoops'. (laughs)

(both snigger)

(Toad laughs)

Wahey! Hello!

(tyres screech / crash)

(Toad, weakly) Poop, poop, poop!

Poop,poop!

Poop,poop,poop!Poop,poop!

(mimics engine)

(deflated) Poop...

(mimics engine)

(weakly) Poop. Poop.

POOP--'...

(Mole) I really am worried about Toad.

Oh, it's only another of his passions. He'll grow out of it.

(Toad) Poop, poop!

I hope.

(starts engine I laughs)

Come on!

(honks horn)

Oh...

Oh, dear. Ooh!

(laughs)

Poop, poop! (laughs) Poop,poop!

(honks horn I laughs)

(Toad cheers in the distance)

(mice gasp)

(female mouse) He's going very fast.

(female mouse) It's Mr Toad!

(male mouse) Mr Toad, look out!

- (mouse) Look out'. - (Toad yells I crashes)

(Mole shivers)

He'll kill himself one day.

(Toad laughs giddily)

(female mouse) Are you alright, Mr Toad?

(laughs)

Poop, poop! (laughs)

(Toad yells I crashes)

(crows caw)

(clock ticks)

(Rat sighs)

We really must do something about Toad.

Oh, yes. Erm... what shall we do?

Well, there's only one person Toad would take notice of and that's Badger.

- We must go and see him. - Oh, yes. N... Now?

Hmm?

No, no, it's... (yawns) It's too late now.

Looks as though it might snow.

Besides, Badger lives in the middle of the Wild Wood, underground.

Not our sort of place at all.

But I...

It sounds just like my... sort of place.

(snores)

(Mole) Hmm...

(Pants)

(distant whistle)

Is this the way to Mr Badger's house?

Oh, it is, sir. it is.

It's straight on. You can't miss it.

Thank you.

(distant whistle)

(Mole) Oh...

(Stoat chuckles)

(Mole pants)

(distant whistle)

(distant whistle)

(distant whistle)

(whistling continues)

(Mole gasps)

(footsteps)

(distant whistle)

(whistling continues)

(owl calls)

(distant whistle)

(Mole whimpers)

(cries)

(pants I whimpers)

(yells)

(Mole yells)

(creature snarls)

(Mole) Stow.!

(yells)

(distant whistles)

Ratty!

(echoes)

(snorts)

Moley?

"Ratty, have gone to see Mr Badger in the Wild Wood, Moley."

(gasps) Oh, my goodness!

(distant whistling)

- Er... - Out of my way.

Mole!

Moley!

Oh, Moley.

Mole?

Mole?

Mole, it's me!

It's old Rat.

(weakly) Ratty.

- Moley. - Is it really you?

- (Rat) Are you alright? - Oh, Rat, I've been so frightened.

It's alright, old fellow.

But you really shouldn't have come to the Wild Wood.

- I did try to warn you. - (distant whistling)

Hmm... We must get home.

The trouble is, everything looks so different in the snow.

Ratty, I'm so sorry, but... I don't think I can walk any further.

Now, you must try, old chap.

The path's up there somewhere. Come on.

(Mole) Ow! Oh!

(Rat) What happened?

I fell over that door scraper.

Door scraper? That's funny.

It didn't feel funny.

(distant whistle)

(Rat) Mole! Here's a doormat.

(Mole) A doormat?

Help... Help... Help me clear this away. It's our last chance.

(Mole) Oh...

Ratty!

You're so clever.

(they knock)

(Badger) Now, the very next time this happens I shall be exceedingly angry.

Who is it this time disturbing people on such a night?

Speak up.

(Rat) Oh, Badger. It's me, Rat, and my friend, Mole.

Do let us in, please.

Oh... Why, Ratty, my dear little man.

Come along in, both of you, at once.

You must be perished.

Well, I never, and in the Wild Wood, too, at this time of night.

Come in with you, come in.

(haunting whispering sounds)

(Badger) Come along, Ratty.

There's a good fire in the kitchen. I'll get you both a nice hot drink.

(Mole) Lovely to be underground again.

(Rat sighs contentedly)

(Mole) When you're underground, nothing can get at you.

(Badger) That's exactly what I say.

Look at Rat now, couple of feet of floodwater and he has to move.

Or Toad Hall...

Oh, it's very splendid, I dare say, but it's all draughty.

No, no, underground is my idea of home.

Now then, what's the news from your part of the world?

How's young Toad?

(Rat) Oh, he's going from bad to worse. Another smash up only last week.

(grumbles) How many has he had?

Smashes or cars? Oh, well, it's the same thing with Toad.

- This is his seventh, Ratty, isn't it? - (Rat) Yes.

(Badger) Irresponsible animal.

(Rat) He's a hopelessly bad driver with no thought for law and order.

He'll kill someone... sooner or later.

(Badger) When I was his age,

we didn't rush around the countryside frightening people.

We had better things to do with our time.

Oh!

(Badger) Ah, cricketer, are you? Good, good.

Now... About Toad.

Ah, yes, erm, we are his friends, Badger.

We really ought to do something. He's giving us animals a bad name.

(snores)

(Badger) You are entirely correct.

Moreover, his father was a friend of mine, most respectable Toad.

Ah... What do you think we should do, Mr Badger?

(Rat snores)

I think that you and I, and our friend here...

(snores)

...should take Toad seriously in hand.

We'll stand no nonsense whatever.

We will bring him back to reason, by force if necessary.

- The hour has struck. - (clocks chime)

Do you agree, lad?

Er, hmm? Oh, absolutely, yes. I-I-I quite agree, definitely.

No question.

First thing in the morning...

...we will pay a call on Toad.

Ah-ha! Hello, you fellows!

You're just in time to come for a jolly spin in my new...

...in... in my new...

You will not be needing that... machine.

- I shall send it back. - Wha... I say! I...

(Badger) And, Toad...

You will give us your solemn promise never to touch a motor car again.

Shan't!

Inside! Take him to the library!

And I will try what argument can do.

- (Toad) Ow... - (Rat) It's for your own good, Toad.

(Mole) I'm sorry, Toad, but really it is.

- (Rat) Mole, do catch hold of... - (Toad) Ow!

I say, stop it! What are you...?

(struggles) I say, you chaps!

We will see whether you come out of that room the same Toad that you went in.

Let go! Ow!

You... cads!

(grunts) Let go! Ouch!

(Badger) You knew it must come to this sooner or later, Toad.

(Badger) You've disregarded all the warnings we've given you.

You've gone on squandering the money your father left you

and you're getting us animals a bad name in the district

by your frivolous driving and your smashes and your rows with the police.

Independence is all very well,

but we animals never allow our friends to make fools of themselves

beyond a certain limit, and that limit you've reached.

(Toad) Oh, you're so right, Badger.

(Badger) You're a good fellow, in many respects...

- (Toad) Oh, true. - I don't want to be too hard on you.

(Badger) I'll make one more effort to bring you to reason.

(Toad) Oh, I am indeed a foolish Toad.

No, never again. Never ever again!

(door creaks open)

(Badger) My friends...

I am pleased to inform you that Toad has seen the error of his ways.

He is truly sorry for what he has done and perceives the folly of it all.

That is good news.

Do you, Toad? Do you really?

No! (laughs) I'm not sorry at all!

And it wasn't folly, it was simply glorious!

What? You backsliding animal! Didn't you tell me in there...

Oh, yes, in there. I'd have said anything in there.

I mean, you are so eloquent, dear Badger,

and you put your point so frightfully well.

You could do what you like with me in there,

but I'm not sorry really, so it's no good saying I am.

Do you mean to say you don't promise never to touch a motor car again?

On the contrary, I faithfully promise that the first motor car I see...

Poop,poop!

Take him upstairs and lock him in his bedroom.

(Toad) Poop, poop!

It is worse than I thought.

(Badger) We shall just have to let it...

- (Toad) Poop, poop! - (Badger) ..burn itself out.

(mimics engine)

Poop,poop,poop!

(laughs)

(Toad) Get out of the way!

(Toad mimics engine I tyre screech)

(Toad) Look out! Toad is coming!

(Toad mimics engine) Beep-beep! Poop, poop, poop!

(mimics engine I crash)

Oh, dear!

We must guard him day and night.

(Toad mimics engine I owl hoots)

(screeches)

(laughs)

(Toad mimics engine)

(Toad) Poop, poop! Beep-beep-beep!

(mimics tyres screeching I engine)

(loses enthusiasm)

(snores)

Lunch,Toady.

(moans weakly)

Oh... Nothing for me, dear boy.

(Rat) What'?

Could you... Could you do me one last favour and... (coughs)

...fetch a lawyer?

- A lawyer? - Yes.

So that I can make my will.

(Coughs)

I fear it is too late... for a doctor.

Badger! Mole!

I think Toad's ill.

Are you sure, Rat? You know what a fellow Toad is for play acting.

Yes, I know, but he's... he's asked for a lawyer.

A lawyer!

- (Rat) I think he's really ill. - He doesn't look ill to me.

(Toad laughs)

Na-na!

Quick! After him!

(Rat) Toad!

(Toad laughs)

(all sigh)

(jeers / laughs)

Toad!

(laughs I cheers)

(Pants)

Oh!

Oh, oh!

(Rat) He must have gone this way.

(sniffs)

Come on, Mole.

Where are you going?

Mole! Come on.

(Toad giggles)

(car approaches I horn)

Ah-ha!

(car horn)

I say, I wonder if you could help me?

Having a spot of bother with me car.

Oh? What sort of bother?

Erm, er, it's the, er, crankshaft...

It's, erm, flat.

Really? Ah-ha. I should be able to fix that.

Oh! Shall I come, too, Wedgie?

Er, wh-wh-where's your machine?

Erm, oh, it's over there, if you'd just take a look at it.

Certainly, old bean. Anything for a fellow motorist.

(Toad laughs)

Oh, I Say!

Oh! Wedgie!

(Toad laughs I cheers)

(man) Ream]?

Fellow... Fellow flagged me down

with a cock-and-bull-story about a flat crankshaft.

Well, I always help a fellow motorist. Got out, cad hopped in and away!

Er, chap's a damned frog!

- (Toad) Poop, poop! - I say!

(cheers)

(Toad) Fat face!

Now then!

- I say! ' Wedgie!

(Rat) Moley!

(Rat) Moley, where are you going?

Moley!

I am cold and I'm tired and I'm going home.

I've finished with Toad. The Riverbank's this way, come on.

(shivers) It'll be good to be in the warm and have a bite to eat, hmm?

Yes, I'll be glad to be home again, won't you?

(cries)

Mole?

(sobs)

What is it, old fellow? Whatever can be the matter?

I know it's a shabby, dingy little place, not like your cosy quarters,

or Badger's or Toad's beautiful hall...

...but it was my own little home and I went away and forgot all about it

and then I smelt it and I wanted it.

But you wouldn't stop, Ratty, and...

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I had to leave it and I thought my heart would break.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I see it all now.

What a pig I've been.

(sighs) Well, come on, old fellow.

Where... where ever are you going to, Ratty?

We are going to find that old home of yours, so you'd better come along.

We shall need your nose.

(sniffs)

(wind blows)

(match strikes)

Oh, Ratty. Why ever did I do it?

Why did I bring you to this poor, cold little place?

You might have been at Riverbank by now,

toasting your toes before a blazing fire.

Hang Riverbank.

What a capital little house this is.

So... compact.

Well, we'll make a jolly night of it, Moley.

Now, the first thing we want is a good fire.

Well, bustle about, old chap.

Oh, Rat. How about your supper? I've nothing to give you, not a crumb!

(singing outside)

There's the carol singers, they come here every year.

- I've nothing to give them either. - (Rat sighs)

What a fellow you are for giving in, Mole.

I distinctly saw a sardine tin-opener, so there must be sardines at least.

There's no bread, no butter.

No paté de foie gras, no Champagne.

Now come with me and forage.

(carol singers) 4' Goodman Joseph Toiled through the snow

♪ Saw the star o'er a stable low

♪ Mary, she could not further go

♪ Welcome thatch and litter below

♪ Joy was hers in the morning

Oh, look, I mean... nothing to eat?

Well, I mean, this is fit for a king.

(they continue to sing)

Is this the cellar? What about some mulled wine?

A“ ..By your fire to bide

♪ And joy shall be yours in the morning

♪ Here we stand in the cold and the sleet

A“ Blowing fingers and stamping feet

♪ Come from far away you to greet

A“ You by the fire and we in the street

♪ Bidding you joy in the morning

♪ Then they heard the angels tell

A“ Who were the first to cry Noel?

♪ Animals all as it befell

♪ In the stable where they did dwell

♪ And joy shall be yours in the morning

♪ Joy shall be yours

♪ In the morning

Well sung, boys.

Now come and have something to eat and drink.

(boys chatter excitedly)

("quid pours)

(crockery clinks)

(indistinct excitable chatter)

Absent friends.

Badger and Toad, wherever he may be.

'Scuse me, sir, but 'aven't you 'eard?

Heard what? And don't drop your Hs.

About Mr Toad, sir.

What about him?

Well, sir, 'e's... he's got his self harrested.

(glass smashes)

(Mole and Rat) Oh, no.

(Rat) I knew it.

(chatter / magistrate bangs gavel)

To my mind, the only difficulty in this very clear case

is how to make it sufficiently hot for the incorrigible rogue

and hardened ruffian, whom we see cowering in the dock before us.

He has been found guilty on the clearest evidence.

First, of stealing

- a valuable motor car... - (Reggie) Bounder!

...secondly, of driving to the public danger

and, thirdly, of gross impertinence to the rural police.

Namely, addressing a constable as "fat face".

(constable clears throat) Now then...

' (Reggie) Oh, I say. - (laughter)

Mr Clerk, what is the stiffest, the very stiffest penalty,

we can impose for each of these offences, without, of course,

giving the prisoner the benefit of any doubt, because there isn't any.

Well, ma'am, you might give 12 months for the theft.

Which is mild.

And, er, three years for furious driving.

Ha! Which is lenient.

And 15 years for the cheek, which was pretty bad sort of cheek.

Namely, calling him "fat face".

- (clears throat) Now then... - (laughter)

- That adds up to, er... - Nineteen years.

Nineteen years?

And another year for being green.

- Twenty years! - (spectators cheer)

I've been told you are a criminal

of deepest guilt and matchless artfulness and resource.

(sniffs) Whatever that means.

And I intend to watch and ward you with all my skill.

So you will languish for 20 years in the deepest dungeon

in the best guarded jail

in the length and breadth of Merry England.

(whimpers)

Oh... Badger.

Moley.

Ratty.

Oh, where are you now?

(sobs)

(Badger) It's agreed then.

While Toad is... incarcerated,

we must not leave Toad Hall unprotected.

- I shall take charge of it. - (Weasel mutters)

I owe it to his father.

(Toad) Poor Toad, lonely Toad, forgotten Toad.

(jailer) There you are, daughter.

(Toad sobs)

Oh, now, cheer up, Toad.

Sit up and dry your eyes and be a sensible animal.

Father says you haven't had a bite to eat for days. Here.

No.

Nothing.

Take it away.

I've brought you something I've made myself.

It's bubble and squeak.

Bubble and... squeak?

(woman) It's piping hot.

(sniffs) Mm...

That's better.

I don't know when I've had better bubble and...

...squeak. Even at Toad Hall.

Toad Hall? Is that where you live?

Mm! Oh, the finest gentleman's residence in England.

Splendid architecture,

superbly furnished.

The most elegant china, valuable silver,

tapestries, works of art.

Stained glass windows.

If only you could see it.

(weasels mutter)

(chuckles)

(Badger grunts)

(they chuckle)

(doors creak)

(door clangs shut)

(Toad) I really do miss Toad Hall at this time of year.

The daffodils, the primroses

and of course the parties.

People so enjoyed my speeches.

Oh, and my songs.

And my jokes! (laughs) Ch, so witty. (laughs)

- Toad? - Hmm?

I have an aunt who's a washerwoman.

There, there, never mind, think no more about it.

I have several aunts who ought to be Washerwomen.

Toad, do be quiet. My Aunt Maud does all the washing in the jail.

People are used to her coming in and out

and you're very much like her in build.

I am not!

I have a very elegant figure, for what I am.

So has my aunt for what she is. Here, try it on.

You're not suggesting that I should disguise myself as a washerwoman?

You are a horrid, proud, ungrateful animal,

when I'm trying to help you escape.

I thought it was a shame you were shut up here for so long.

You never hurt anyone or did any real harm.

Have it your own way. You can stay here forever for all I care.

(sobs)

Oh. There, there.

You are a good... kind...

...clever girl.

And I am indeed a proud and... and stupid Toad.

Night, Maud.

(high voice) Er, good night, old, er, chap.

(quick footsteps)

"Old chap"?

Maud!

(gasps)

(jailer) Ring the bells!

The police!

- Oh... - (jailer) Stop him! Here he is.

(Toad yells I bell rings)

(jailer) Bring him back!

- Oh, oh... Oh! - (yelling I whistles)

- (train whistles) - Ah-ha!

(jailer) Come on.

(steam train idles)

(Toad pants)

(magistrate) Stop him.

Oh, no.

(train whistles)

Hello, madam.

Oh, sir, I am a poor unhappy washerwoman

and I've lost all my money and I must get home tonight.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

That's bad. Got some kids waiting for you, too, I dare say.

Eh? Oh, er, yeah, oh, any amount of them.

Alright. It's against company regulations, but up you come.

- (men shout) - (magistrate) Stop him!

- (woman) Oh, Wedgie. - (Reggie) I say.

Rosemary, isn't that the frog who stole my car?

(laughs)

♪ The world has held great heroes, as history books have shown

♪ But never a name went down to fame compared with that of Toad

(magistrate) Fifty years next time!

(Reggie) I say, old bean.

Where's my car?

Oh, Wedgie.

(constable) Stop him!

A“ The clever men at Oxford know all that's to be known

♪ But none of them know half as much as intelligent Mr Toad

(magistrate) Seventy!

I say! You there, stop.

(constable) Now then!

♪ The animals sat in the arc, their tears in torrents flowed

♪ Who was it said there's land ahead? Encouraging Mr Toad

♪ Encouraging Mr Toad

What's going on?

You're a funny kind of washerwoman and there's a train following us.

A train? Oh, dear, kind Mr engine driver.

I am not really a washerwoman.

No, no, I'm... I'm a poor, unfortunate Toad pursued by the law.

The law, eh? What did you do?

I only... borrowed a motor car.

Borrowed, eh?

Still... I don't hold with motor cars.

(magistrate) Stop him!

And I don't hold with being ordered about on me own engine.

Go on, hop off.

(Toad yells)

Ah-ha! (laughs)

(jeers)

(magistrate) Stop him!

- (Reggie) I say! ' (Rosemary) Wedgie.

♪ The army all saluted as they marched along the road

♪ Who was it, the King or Kitchener?

♪ No, it was Mr Toad

(owl hoots)

(Toad) Ah... home at last. (chuckles)

Must spread the good news.

Why don't I go to Ratty's first?

♪ The queen and all her ladies, they by the window sewed

♪ She cried, "Look, who's that handsome man?" They answered...

♪ "Mr Toad"

(knocks)

(hums)

(Mole) Who is it, Ratty?

I have no idea.

Don't you know me, Ratty? It's me, Toad.

- Toad! - (Toad laughs)

Ratty, such trials and tribulations, so nobly born.

Such escapes, such subterfuges, all so clever. (laughs)

- I am a smart Toad and no mistake... - (Mole) Toady!

Hello, Mole! Wait till I tell you all about my adventures.

Toad, stop boasting and swaggering and behave yourself.

You look like a washerwoman.

Mm? Ah, well, I'll tell you about that,

but first if you'll give me a little light dinner,

perhaps a glass of claret,

and then I'll stroll up to Toad Hall and get a change of clothes.

(Mole) Oh, Toady, you haven't heard.

Mm? Heard? Heard what?

The fact is, Toad, that while you were having

that little bit of trouble, erm...

The weasels have taken Toad Hall.

Taken Toad Hall?

What were my friends doing while I was lying helpless in my dungeon?

I thought at least you and Mole and Badger...

Don't talk about Badger.

You... You don't mean...

They were too strong, even for Badger.

Oh... Noble Badger. Best of friends.

Eloquent, kind-hearted.

(sobbing) Faithful.

Now then, Toad. That's enough.

Huh? Badger!

Glad you're back.

While Rat and Mole have been looking after me so kindly,

I've been thinking about Toad Hall.

Oh, Badger,

I shall never see my dear old home again.

(sobs) It's lost. Lost forever.

Lost? Nonsense.

I have a plan.

(rowdy chatter)

(bird chirps)

(bird sings)

(sighs happily)

Mm...

(Rat) They're doubling up the sentries on the west gate.

(Rat) And there are four extra weasels on the main gate.

(Rat) Hello. They're putting guards on the roof.

Morning, you fellows!

Oh, hello, Toad. There's tea in the pot.

By 9:00, the banquet should be in full swing.

So we should be in the secret tunnel by...

Ooh! ls there a secret tunnel?

Your father, a worthy animal, confided in me,

but he said that only in the direst need should I inform you of it.

ON. (chuckles)

I know. It's that squeaky board in the butler's pantry.

Not at all.

Don't interrupt us, Toady, there's a good fellow.

Now, about weapons, pistols of course.

(Badger) My old blunderbuss is rather heavy, but we might be glad of it.

(Rat) Depends how many sentries are on duty. How many can you see, Toad?

(hums)

Er... four.

(Rat) Only four?

(Toad) Er, erm... er...

(Toad) And a washerwoman.

(Mole) Hello, Toad.

Wait... That's...

I say, you fellows, I've had such a time!

(stutters) Oh! Where have you been, Mole?

Why, to Toad Hall, of course.

I marched up there as bold as brass.

"Good morning, gentlemen," says I to the sentries. Very respectful.

"Want any washing done?"

And the sergeant, he said to me, "Run away, my good woman, run away!"

"Run away?" says I.

"It won't be me that will be running away a short time from now."

"You're going to be attacked." (laughs)

You didn't say that!

I said a lot more.

"A hundred bloodthirsty Badgers," I said, "are going to attack Toad Hall

with six boatloads of Rats armed to the teeth

and a picked body of Toads, known as the Die-Hards or Death-or-Glory Toads,

will storm the orchard yelling for vengeance."

"There won't be much left of you to wash," I says,

"by the time they've done with you."

(chuckles)

Oh, Mole, you silly ass!

You've ruined the surprise!

You've been and spoiled everything.

Toad, surely Badger told you...

Mole, you have done well. I am exceedingly pleased with you.

Wha... But...

Now, all depends upon tonight.

(rowdy chatter)

The entrance to the tunnel is along here.

- (Toad) Oh! That tunnel... - (the others shush Toad)

Take that!

Ah.

(strains)

Oh! (yells)

(kisses)

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ There was panic in the parlour and howling in the hall

♪ There was crying in the cowshed and shrieking in the stall

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home

(rowdy chatter)

♪ When the Toad came home

r There was smashing in of window and crashing in of door

♪ There was chivvying of weasels that fainted on the floor

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home

(Badger) Toad!

(Rat) Quiet, you ass.

- (Toad) I was only trying... - (they shush Toad)

(Rat) Quiet, you were told.

- J' Bang! - (all shush Toad)

(quietly) a' Go the drums

♪ The trumpeters are tooting

♪ And the soldiers are saluting

♪ And the cannon they are shooting and the motor cars are hooting

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home

(rowdy chatter)

♪ Shout! Shout hooray!

♪ And let each one of the crowd try and shout it very loud

♪ In honour of an animal for whom you're justly proud

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad

♪ Came home

(Badger) Toad!

One more sound out of you and back you'll go.

(growls)

(weasels chatter)

I say, they are going it.

(Weasel) Quiet for the chief.

(Weasel) Quiet for the king! Quiet!

(Chief Weasel) And now, a toast... (laughs)

...to our kind host, Mr Toad.

(laughter)

How dare they?

(Weasel) Now, we all know Toad.

- Sensible Toad. - (laughter)

- Modest Toad. - (laughter)

- Brave Toad. - (laughter)

The toast is...

Down with Toad!

Hmm! I'll give him "down with Toad", and in my own banqueting hall, too!

(laughs)

(rowdy chatter)

I, er... I think we'd... better wait for the others.

Others?

The hundred Badgers and all those Rats

and the Death-or-Glory Toads.

We could do with a few more Moles as well.

Where are the others?

(Rat) There are no others, Toad.

N-No... n-n-n-no... n-no... no others?

No, Toad. There's just Badger, Rat, me and... and you, Toad.

But thanks to our young friend, Mole, they think there are hundreds of us.

Come on.

Ah! Always a Toad.

Toad!

(yells) Wahey!

(Weasel) Chief, it's old Badger!

(Toad yells)

Riverbankers! Riverbankers!

Mole! Mole! Mole! Mole!

One thump and one thump and one thump and...

(Toad whimpers) Missed again.

- Look out, Mole! - (gunshot)

A Toad! Always a T...

(yells)

(weasels snarl)

(Toad yells)

(yells)

Behind you, Badger!

Thump 'em and thump 'em and thump 'em.

(Toad yells)

- Mr Toad! - (Toad yells)

(they cheer)

(Badger) Well done, Toad.

(Toad laughs)

Badger, I didn't do anything.

You fellows did it all, I just... I mean, hooray!

(they cheer)

(cheering continues)

(Mole hums)

Did I tell you Toad said he might be dropping in for tea?

He's quite a reformed character.

More like his esteemed father every day.

We may indeed congratulate ourselves.

Still, it was rather exciting, wasn't it?

I'm almost sorry it's all over... (gasps)

(plane flies overhead)

(laughs) Hello, you fellows!

- You maniac! - Lock him up!

Toad, this time you've gone too far!

Hang motoring, this is the life!

(cheers I laughs)

(engine stammers)

Oh... Yes, er...

Oh, no.

(grumbles)

Oh, dear.

(coughs) on...

- (engine stops) - Oh. Er...

(Crash)

(Toad) I say, you chaps.

Ah! You're just the chap I wanted to see, Ratty.

And you, too, Mole. (laughs)