Original subtitles

I love playing with you, bhaiyya.

Me, too. You're the best, bhaiyya.

Hey, how'd your meeting go?

Good news. I got the Space-X contract!

- Yay!

And I even found a great factory that meets all the requirements.

Yay!

And the best news of all; we're moving to Pittsburgh!

Pittsburgh?

What is a Pittsburgh?

Our new home.

I like that!

Sounds like you had a great life in India.

Heaven.

And in less than a year, my beautiful Indian family fell apart.

So, how does a beautiful Indian family completely fall apart?

Well...

What are you doing?

Let's recap.

A beautiful Indian family moves to Pittsburgh.

Dead rabbits appear on their doorstep and they blame their white neighbors.

It all snowballs.

Their daughter, Bhanu, falls in love with a boy named Stu.

Kamal falls in love with his teacher and Vinod falls in love with garbage.

BhanStu starts selling drugs from Ohio.

Sudha poisons Janice with a brownie.

then poisons the garbage man with Mitables.

Mahesh goes hunting with Jimbo but shoots Terry Toyota.

Bhanu gets baptized to get with Stu but Sudha commits Incestion to break them up.

Mrs. Mills sabotages Kamal's grades, so Mahesh tries to get her canned.

$tunt$ puts BhanStu back on the love train

while Mahesh's rocket factory fails to launch.

Now, everyone has a motive and we still have no idea who started the fire.

Bravo for that tour de farce.

But Sudha has the strongest motive. She wanted to go back to India.

- What better way than get deported. - How about just going back to India?

That's not how Sudha thinks.

She wanted her whole family to go with her.

Step one: Ruin her daughter's relationship.

Step two: Sabotage her husband's company.

But she's co-president of that company.

Why would she go to all that trouble to manipulate her co-co-president?

You have no idea how manipulative Sudha is.

I asked Vinod to draw a picture of his family.

Notice anything?

The original's a forgery.

- So, who drew it? - Mummy dearest.

She's trying to manipulate us. Two can play at that game.

Sudha, we're on your side here.

So, your business was floundering. That must've been hard on you.

We tried to get investment from every billionaire,

rapper and celebrity we thought would invest in rockets.

Beats by Dre. Rockets by Dre.

Everyone loves Oprah's book club,

but people are going to love Oprah's rocket club!

You get a rocket! You get a rocket! You get a rocket!

Everyone knows Shark Tank should be called Mark Tank

because you're the man, Mr. Cuban.

All we need is a two million dollar investment.

I'm at work, I'm at an event. Who gave you this Zoom link?

Damn! I thought I had that one.

Bhanu, thank you for your candor but let's cut to the chase.

Why did Stu get banned from Ohio?

It all started with Stu eating a bear claw.

- Mmm! - But I wanted to get my bear claws in him.

My parents are gone all weekend. So, we got my bed, we got their bed,

Or if you're feeling kinky, my shower has a handrail.

We put it in for my Gammy.

I don't want my first time at your parents' house.

Phantom's off the table, thanks to your parents.

- Mm. - Gave me PTSD.

- Phantom... Trauma... Sudha... Dad. - You just come up with that?

One of my dyslexia exercises is to do anocryms.

Acronyms.

That's what I said.

Dude, these bear claws are so sick!

As Stu made love to that bear claw,

I thought of the perfect place for us to make love.

Hold on, this is too mature.

Boys, go get a snack.

I'm not so innocent. I've seen Frasier.

Besides, Bhanu isn't the only Pradeep who tangled with romance.

Kamal's right. We too dove head first into the stormy lake of amore,

no life jackets.

Unfortunately, I was dragged into a maelstrom of family betrayal

by an anchor named Vinod.

This little fella? How could this guy be an anchor?

Trust me, I can and I was.

It had all began so promising.

I had finally come out of my shell and love was on the horizon.

Mrs. Mills, I'd like to trade scene partners for our play assignment.

What's wrong with Hershel? Is it 'cause he smells?

I know, but he says it's for religious reasons,

so we have to put up with it. Legally.

Hey, Kamal.

I was hoping to thespian with Lexi.

Ooh, a new English class romance!

Just like Liam and Caitlyn last semester. But not as doomed.

Liam was way out of her league.

"The Winds of Sorrow and Blood."

It doesn't sound romantic. What else you got?

Well, that's what acting's for, silly. You make it your own.

I will make it my own.

If you made me choose, I'd pick Yes Man over Yes Day.

It's a real Sophie's Choice.

Oh, I love that movie.

Mo refused to let me put it on our watch list.

The thing is, I like good movies.

That's it. We're over.

But why? I keep telling you how happy we are.

You're too controlling. I just want to be with someone fun.

Is this about Vinod?

I'd never get between you two.

You're between us right now.

I'm not hating it.

The herald returns with news of war.

S'up. The horrors we've seen, baby.

The sorrow and the blood. So much sorrow and blood.

Know what I mean?

- Now, blow her a kiss.

There you go, killer.

What the hell are you doing?

Making it my own.

The wounds fester upon what's left of my sexy cleaved foot, baby.

- Ever get with a cleaved foot? - Ooh! Such passion!

Don't you think, Lexi?

Can I get a new scene partner?

Well, it's either Kamal or... stinky Hershel.

I'm in love with Willa, but I can't talk to Mo about it.

You're the only other person I know.

Look Willa in the eye and tell her you care.

I'm no good with words.

Actions, my friend. Just take her somewhere cool.

Know I'm rooting for you, loser.

Bhan-Bhan, what are we doing here?

Welcome to our love nest.

I was inspired by your bear claw.

Lexi's aunt's bakery truck. This is so us!

BhanStu.

I, uh, I have something for you.

It's like a dumb thing I made.

- Is that the chain from my old bike? - Yeah.

From when we first met on the side of the road.

I love it.

- I got one, too. Linked. - Oh.

It's clear all three of you were exploring Love American Style.

I loved that show.

Great. Now that that's settled, can we go?

One of you is on the path that led to the Mills' house being burned down.

Whose path do you find most titillating?

Let's see. You had the boring play, Bhanu had the bakery truck

I'm gonna go with Big V.

Booyah! Big V for the win!

- What was your next move? - Rocket factory.

I knew I picked right.

Have you ever seen anything like it?

Yes, my uncle's toothpaste warehouse.

I thought there'd be cool rockets and stuff.

Well, there will be, one day. Unfortunately, my dad shot his investor.

Now, that sounds cool.

It was Terry Toyota.

♪ Prices aren't scary when you come to Terry's... ♪

♪ Autoplex. ♪

- I love that jingle.

It makes me want to buy a car. Probably a hatchback.

Hey, what are those?

My dad told me this factory used to make something else.

I'm sorry, I had no idea.

It's okay. My mom has the third one from the left.

Hey, you want to go on a real date sometime?

Hey, Lexi. Here's a spicy ketchup I made just for you.

I bet you've never tried it Indian Style.

I'd love to try it Indian Style.

I'm talking about ketchup but you appear to have shifted topics.

- I thought you were asking me out. - When I ask you out, you'll know.

It's now... that... that I'm asking you out.

Smooth, K-dawg. Let's do it.

With no celebrity backers for our rocket company,

I tried to get creative with our finances.

Lower debt ratio, higher debt ratio.

But all ratios led to the same outcome.

Is Papa home yet?

No, he's still in Harrisburg trying to line up business financing.

Can Mummy help you?

It's a guy thing.

- Is Papa home yet? - No. Can Mummy help you?

It's a guy thing.

By the way, did you know Papa's rocket factory

used to make some very grown up items?

Mm-hmm.

Very grown up items.

You boys needed dating advice. What'd you do?

With no man in our house, we had to outsource the testosterone.

You want my best dating advice? Get yourself a wing man.

Like Frasier and Niles.

Bingo! Wing brother, even better!

The first time I went out with Janice was on a double date with my brother.

She was actually my brother's date. Thanksgivings are still awkward.

I have a wing brother right here. - Wing bhaiyya.

- That means wing brother. - I got that.

But look, despite my success story, I suggest you keep your gal to yourself.

I would never. Vinod's date is a redhead.

It's not her. It's my fear of clowns.

Wing bhaiyyas. That's so sweet.

I thought so too. Until I felt the cold stab of this human knife in my back.

Earlier you said "anchor." Was he an anchor or knife?

Anchor shaped knife.

Cool idea for a tattoo.

So, where did these wing bhaiyyas take their dates?

Wing Street! Excellent choice, wing bhaiyya.

They don't have as many veg options as I hoped.

I'm gonna be naughty and try a little poultry.

Pro tip: If we lie and say it's our birthday, we get free mozzarella sticks.

I like that!

I'm so nervous!

Don't be. Remember when we first arrived in America?

You were Camel, the mute weirdo. And now, you're Smooth K-Dawg.

Thank you, bhaiyya.

My date is twenty-three and a half minutes late.

Maybe you got stood up.

Maybe she got her foot caught in a sewer grate

in such a way that she's stuck there overnight.

Has that happened to you?

No. But it's all I ever think about.

What's she doing here?

This is my date, Willa.

I just spent the last two hours consoling my brother 'cause she dumped him.

Thank God, it wasn't the sewer thing.

Wait. Mo Lipschitz is your brother?

You must be the "cane-free hotshot" Willa dumped him for.

No. Willa dumped Mo 'cause he's too controlling.

Sorry, Willa. Was speaking for you controlling?

Yes, but from you, I like it.

At least my brother doesn't go to people's houses

and eat all their Cheez-Its, you stuttering tart.

Fuh-Fuh-Fuh-Fuck you.

Whatever. I'm outta here.

Lexi, wait.

Wing bhaiyya, can I talk to you by the claw machine?

Lexi is Mo's sister? Why is Pittsburgh so small for them?

I've never seen anyone twice in this town. Even this guy I'm trying to run into.

Let's find out more about that bakery truck of love.

Wow.

- That was... wow. - Wow, yeah.

I never want my first time to end.

Maybe it doesn't have to.

Anyone in there?

- Who's that? - I don't know.

I heard you. Open up!

Stop! Don't move.

Who are you?

Ohio State Trooper.

Ohio?!

Wait. So, how'd you end up in Ohio?

The day started out like any other for Floyd Teverbaugh.

His alarm went off and he hit snooze.

He spent a little time with his girlfriend, Tammi.

He then sucked down three Red Bulls. After that, he suited up for work,

got on his fat hog and rode it all the way to his bakery truck

for his evening deliveries to Ohio.

Floyd usually checks the back of the truck,

but today he was running late because of his new thing with Tammi.

As Floyd crossed into Ohio, he got a flat tire.

As he walked to the nearest gas station for help,

the abandoned bakery truck was spotted by Ohio State Trooper, Erik Teverbaugh,

no relationship to Floyd.

Officer Erik then investigated the truck to find an unexpected surprise.

Ohio State Trooper, open up!

And that's the story of Ohio.

Flat tire, flat story.

Meanwhile, two wing bhaiyyas were on the brink of war.

I respectfully request you ditch Willa so Lexi stays.

I respectfully decline.

In India, we honor our elders. As your elder, you have to obey me.

This is America. No one cares about old people here.

I'm fresh and new. This is my time.

Willa isn't here for you. She's using you to get back at Mo.

I'd rather be arm candy than hand candy.

What is hand candy?

I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I will for a dollar.

Lexi is obligated to give you a job with her hand

in exchange for a business deal with Bhanu.

What are you talking about?

Willa told me Mo saw something on his sister's phone.

I just didn't know who Mo's sister was until now.

You're nothing but an IOU from Lexi to Bhanu.

The truth hurts, doesn't it?

Oh, yeah? Willa is never going to marry a garbage man.

The only woman who'd marry you is mom.

I'd be very fortunate.

Crackpot!

Here's your naughty poultry!

Hiyah!

Ah! The hot sauce! My eyes! It burns! Ah!

Could I go home with you? I need to fix things with Mo.

Sure, just stay away from my Cheez-Its.

Oh, no! The girls just left. Come back!

We are no longer wing bhaiyyas!

Mahesh, we know there was a lot of strife in your family back then.

As your co-president, did you blame Sudha for the company's failure?

We hit rock bottom.

But then she found an even lower bottom.

Sudha? I'm back.

How was Harrisburg?

No financing. But interesting fact:

Harrisburg is spelled without an H on the end, unlike Pittsburgh.

I really think the H brings it home.

While you were gone, I thought of a way to save the business.

Really?

"Go deep with Dr. Pradeep"? Sex toys?!

We spent all our savings and yet, nothing.

All that leftover equipment at the factory can still make these.

Americans will buy anything that's doctor approved.

- I came to America to make rockets. - You'd still be making rockets,

just romance rockets.

I want my ideas to go into space, not vaginas.

And also anuses. Don't shut out half of our customer base.

I'm not sacrificing my dreams.

I already sacrificed everything just to come here.

If you're not willing to sacrifice anything, why are we even staying?

Hello? Yes, this is Sudha Pradeep.

Wait. What's going on? Oh... okay... Thank you.

Bhanu's in Ohio.

What's she doing in Ohio?

She's in jail for some reason.

Hare Rama, let's go get her.

They said she's fine. You wait for the boys. I'll go.

Try not to kill her.

I'll do my best, but no promises.

I just love being pampered.

I just never take time for me anymore.

Who do I know in Ohio?

Hello?

Yeah, this is Janice Mills.

Uh...

Okay. Thank you.

My son is in jail.

They said they found him, and I quote,

in the back of a bakery truck with an Indian girl

with an attitude.

Could you take this off my face. I need to go.

Son of a biscuit!

My mom's going to kill me.

We should've just done it in a bed.

Look at the bright side, she can't kill you with these cops around.

If I have to be in jail, I'm so glad it's with you.

Well, I would go to jail with you, a million times.

Like our own little handcuffs.

Hey! No kissing!

Keep it clean, horndogs.

You know, it's so weird to think, I mean, it's crazy,

I put those rabbits on your porch and now here we are.

- So, you did do it? - Yeah.

Come on, you had to know it was me.

Maybe.

But I wanted to believe that you weren't the guy everyone said you were.

I mean, I didn't want to get baptized for that guy.

I didn't want to lose my virginity to that guy. I mean...

But Stu, I guess, you are that guy.

Bhan-Bhan, it was just a dumb little prank.

Dumb little prank, really?

It ruined my relationship with my mom. It drove a wedge between my parents.

I mean, it sent my brother to therapy. Okay, maybe he needed it anyway.

But it completely blew up my whole family.

That's not fair. You can't put all that on me.

Am I a dumbass? Yeah.

But we all do stupid crap. I mean, you dragged me into dealing drugs.

Come on, dude. Pigs all around.

You know that your family had stuff coming into this.

Can you really say that my one stupid thing caused all your family's problems?

Bhanu? I don't want to hear a thing. Just get up and let's go.

That's not how it works, ma'am.

Your daughter's a minor, I need to take her statement

of what happened in the presence of an interested adult.

I'm not interested.

That's a legal term. If I don't get a statement,

I'd have to arrest the bakery truck driver for kidnapping.

I'm fine with that.

Ma'am.

I'm sorry about earlier. I was wrong.

Lexi really missed out.

So did Willa. Hug it out, wing bhaiyya?

I'd rather watch Frasier.

Okay.

Did you get into the truck voluntarily?

Actually, it was all my idea.

That checks out.

You already know the story? Then why are we here?

I have the young man's statement, I just need to corroborate it.

Every mother assumes that someday,

she will learn of her daughter's first time.

You pray, perhaps, it was during a picnic with her fiancé from Princeton.

I will even take the American tradition of prom night.

Bakery truck in Ohio is on no mother's list.

No mother's.

Was the intercourse vaginal?

I'm not trying to be intrusive, I'm just corroborating.

According to the other party, mutual climax was reached. Corroborating.

Then, you insisted on being on top.

While you were on top, he motorboated you, during which you spanked him.

Corroborating. The young man replied, "Too hard, Bhan-Bhan."

But requested an additional spank, saying, maybe I'll like it more

the second time, which he did, resulting in a second climax.

I know, corroborating.

Look, what do you want to hear?

That for the first time, I finally felt like a complete woman?

Free and full of love and light, only to have it stripped away

because of my blind desire to rebel with a guy who I felt really knew me.

But maybe, I didn't fully know him. Is that what you want to hear? Is it?

Is it?!

The young man didn't say any of that.

I'll have to take it back to him to corroborate.

Hello.

Let's all agree to be adults, and never ever speak again.

Agreed. But it's us not speaking to you.

Don't be so high and mighty, Sudha!

My son never went to jail until he met your daughter.

Your racist son should've been in jail long ago

for leaving rabbits at our door.

I told yinz he didn't do it. And Stu can't be racist.

He listens to Drake! And he slept with your daughter.

But he did leave the rabbits.

- He told me. - Finally! I have been corroborated.

You did it?! I defended you.

We raised you better than this! Oh, wait 'til Daddy hears about this.

Let's just go.

Wow, not a single apology.

Some people just don't get it.

I mean, from you. I've been saying this since day one.

You didn't listen to me and look where it got you. Happy?

Oh, beta.

So, that's what getting banned from Ohio was all about.

Mm-hmm.

- Bhanu, your baby's hungry.

Oh, I was wondering when our little friend would wake up.

Why, you want to interrogate the baby too?

- Maybe. - What is wrong with you?

That bakery truck yielded a bun none of us expected.

And kept you in America.

Now, I'm starting to see the whole picture.

I couldn't leave and let the Mills raise my grandchild.

This cutie would be left at the bottom of a McDonald's ball pit.

Where do you get this crap?

- Don't swear in front of your baby. - Don't smack me when I'm holding him.

Put your baby down so I can smack you.

It's been a lot for one day.

I can't believe it's only been one day.

Let's pick this up tomorrow morning. You're all free to go.

Oh, God...

They're done. We're not.

- So glad to be out of there. - Hold the elevator.

Mummy, I'm so tired.

Get in before someone sees you.

Wait a minute. Are you sure that's what you saw, Widow Ms. Gibson?

Call me Gibby.

I live across the street. Saw it clear as day.

Well, it was night, so it was hard to see.

Maybe someone else opened the door.

Get in before someone sees you.

Or maybe it was...

Get in before someone sees you.

It was definitely a Pradeep holding a baby.

Or a watermelon.

More importantly, who was the arsonist they let in?

I'm pretty sure the guy was white.

A white male?

Was it this man?

Our garbage man? No.

Greg can't run like that.

He blew out his knee when he hauled out my old dresser.

Okay, a white male that's not Greg. Jimbo?

Maybe. But he has no real motive.

There's one white male we haven't been able to talk to.

And his lighter was found at the scene.

Too bad he's in a coma.

The missing piece of the puzzle.

One day, your daddy's going to wake up and be able to play with you.

You're going to love him.

The rest of your family is a whole other story.