Original subtitles

[laidback music]

Grandpa Vinny, where you learn how to make Bombay duck?

Oh, I learned this here from West Indian Jimmy.

Oh, that's that wild dude from your old neighborhood, right?

Yeah, that wild dude taught young Vinny

everything he needs to know,

plus the three skills every young man should possess.

Oh, yeah? What are those?

Well, those skills are feedin', fightin',

and my favorite one is oh, oh, oh, mating.

Mating, mating, mating.

Yes, sound like a, a good role model.

More like a roll model with two Ls.

He also taught young Vinny how to roll a fat one,

a really fat one.

Smoke 'em up big time, have a good time, my man!

Lunch is done, y'all. Come and get it.

Why you gotta talk like that in front of Philip, man?

Look, man, Philip is old enough to do as I say, not as I do.

Come get your lunch, y'all.

Uh, Dad, uh, I finished my chores.

Uh, so you pretty much got

the rest of the day to yourself, right?

What's on your agenda?

I don't know, I'm thinkin' about chillin' like Grandpa Vinny.

You know, rolling a fatty, sippin' a little drink,

jugglin' the females.

That's not funny.

Come on, Dad.

You know I don't do that type of stuff.

Yeah, I know, I know you a good kid,

'cause I raised you to be one.

So, you know, Grandpa Vinny, he's a grown man,

he can do whatever he wanna do.

Things that I don't even do.

But that's not somethin' to make a joke about, man.

You're right, it's not funny.

But, uh, I, I don't know what I'm gonna do with

all this free time, actually.

But that's the beauty of being a teenager.

I'll just go where the day takes me.

Well, hopefully it take your ass to a job.

Hey, man, I need to talk to you.

Talk to me about what?

Well, Philip talkin' about he wanna chill like you today.

Say he's gonna drink and smoke and chase after females.

I'm touched. I'm touched!

This must be how LeBron felt

when he heard his son was gon' play basketball.

It's not funny, man.

Philip is an impressionable teenager.

We need positive role models around here for him.

Look, that's my great-grandson.

If you want me to do some positive skills

and activities that Philip can look up to,

all you gotta do is say the word.

Well, I'm sayin' the word.

Please, can you do that?

Okay, let me see what I can come up with.

Hey, phone.

Hey, can you give me

some positive skills and activities

that my great-grandson can look up to?

It'll get back to me. Hold on.

We'll wait.

They comin', just hold on. They, they gonna call back.

[wacky music]

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember, blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

A nine-letter word for "mind reader."

Oh, that would be 'mentalist'.

Wouldn't that be a fun superpower to have?

Hey, Ms. Anastasia.

I, I, can I...? I need to ask you a question.

Yes.

I would trade in that conservative blouse...

for a low-slung number

that showcases your hubba-bubba girls.

Excuse me?

That wasn't your question?

No!

Darn it.

So, what did you wanna ask me?

Well, my question I wanna ask you,

I'm sure you have expertise in.

Reverse cowgirl?

What? No.

I, I met this young man at the, at the store.

And we've been textin', and we have a lot in common.

Great, what's the problem? Is he married?

No, that's not the problem.

Right, sometimes it can be exciting to be the other woman.

You get to sneak around,

make love to him while wearing his wife's jewelry.

What? No, no.

Ms. Anastasia, Harold's not married.

But, but the problem is he asked me out on a date.

Why, Cora, that's great news!

Well, I, but I don't know what to say.

You say yes!

I say yes?

I mean, but we just met, like, last week,

and, and, and he's a stranger still.

He's not a stranger anymore. You've been texting for a week!

Why, I married my first husband 12 hours after meeting him.

So, how did that turn out?

Splendidly, I'm still living off my divorce settlement.

So, you say it's been a while since I've been out on a date,

and I shouldn't be nervous?

No. If anything, he should be,

because he's about to fall head over heels

for a wonderful woman

with a smile that lights up any room.

Oh, alright, well, here goes nothin'.

[doorbell ringing]

Text him right now.

Hey, Cora. Hey, y'all.

Cora, who you textin'?

Oh, nobody.

Ain't nobody got a name?

Yes, he sure does. His name is Nacho.

Oh, Cora, he's from south of the border?

No, Mr. Brown, it's short for "not your business".

Stop playin' with my emotion, Cora.

Why won't you just tell me who you textin'?

She's texting a man, Mr. Brown, and they're going on a date.

Deal with it.

What the?! Shut up!

Well, you done done it now.

[Anastasia] Girl, did what? Told your father the truth?

That his baby girl is a grown woman

with grown woman needs?

That's right.

So, this grown woman is goin' to lunch,

and I'm doin' it with Harold.

You do, you, Cora, you been doin' love?

Don't you be doin' love!

People get them diseases and stuff where they be itchin',

and them little bugs be on, Cora, don't do love.

Mr. Brown, like doin' lunch.

I mean, like, doin' it as in doin' lunch.

Oh, I thought you was doin' love.

Them bugs'll kill you.

I had 'em one time,

they ate my eyebrows and everything.

[indistinct]

Okay, Cora, before I let you go on this date with him,

you gotta tell me more about him.

You gotta tell me where you met him,

where he takin' you,

and where is his, um, orem-patient.

Well, Harold's occupation is he's a dentist.

I met him at the grocery store,

and he's takin' me to the Panda Palace Café.

Any more questions?

Yes, I got another question, Cora.

You oughta let me go with y'all.

-I can be your chaperone. -No.

And I'mma look at him, I'mma mean-mug him like this.

I'mma mean-mug, I'mma be your security.

You need security.

And I'll be like this,

and you can order me a bang-bang chicken.

-No, Mr. Brown. -[Mr. Brown] Just get me

-a bang-bang, extra-- -No, Mr. Brown!

I'm goin', and I'm goin' alone!

You'll get over it, mister!

Cora, you can give up and let me go.

-I am not! -All I need

is a bang-bang chicken.

Let me have bang-bang chicken.

Well, if you ain't gonna let me have bang-bang chicken,

I'll just eat off of yours, then.

-Would you stop doin' that? -You gotta deal with it.

-Stop doin' that. -You deal with it.

-[Cora] No, you deal with it. -Y'all, let me have

-bang-bang chicken. -Deal with it.

Be careful with them bugs.

[laidback music]

Man, stop lookin' at porn.

Aw, man...

Look at this one right here.

Donate blood at your local hospital.

Oh, I can't do that, man.

They would never accept my blood type.

A negative?

No, THC positive.

Hey, guys.

Hey, um, hey, Vinny, I'mma have to reschedule.

I got an appointment this afternoon,

I have to reschedule the baking class.

Alright?

It's, girl, you ain't got no appointment.

You got a date.

I can smell Diamond Diamond a mile away.

You can smell my perfume?

That, and the fact that

Mr. Brown came in here sniffin', askin' for a tissue.

It is strong.

Oh, you're good, Vinny, you're good.

You thought about bein' a detective?

Uh-uh, uh-uh, no, he don't need a new career.

He need a nice, wholesome pastime

so he can repair his image.

Oh, okay. Well, you know what?

I got somethin' for you.

How about you cook and deliver food

for the sick and shut-ins at church?

Our normal chef, he's sick, he's out.

Um, Brother Mitchell.

Yeah, sound like a good idea. Sign me up.

[Cora] Okay, you'll do it?

Okay, I'mma call Sister Carol right now and let her know.

Well, I'll be damned.

I gotta volunteer to do somethin',

I ain't gotta leave my kitchen.

Man, you gotta drop the food off too, fool.

Now, I can't be doin' no drivin'.

You know I got outstandin' warrants.

They're lookin' for me in every state.

Every state.

You just don't wanna use your own gas.

Well, you know, gas is high as giraffe,

but I'll tell you what.

How about you drive?

I would, but I gotta fix Efe toilet.

It's makin' noises like it's possessed by the devil again.

It probably is.

Oh, oh, oh. Look, look at this here.

Look at this carefree teenager with a driver's license.

[laidback music]

You say what?

Look, my new commercial!

It's for LaTodd's Fine Dining. Look!

I'm finally back on TV!

Don't nobody care nothin' about no stupid commercial!

Mr. Brown, God doesn't like ugly.

And he don't like roadkill hamburgers

that give you the bubble guts, either.

I never pegged you for a hater.

[stammering], I'm sorry. It's good to see you back on TV.

It's good to see you. I'm just nervous.

You know, my daughter Cora out

with that stranger and everything.

When I get nervous, I...

I get worried, I get the bubble guts.

Worry is a natural emotion for a father.

Come, sit. Watching some TV

will take your mind off your daughter and her date.

-Okay. -Actually, sit further away.

Anastasia Devereaux doesn't do bubble guts.

You're being so rude.

I got it contained.

What, what is that you're watchin'?

Oh, this is one of them true crime shows.

I like these.

It's a show about serial killers.

Oh, okay. Ooh.

Oh.

You hear that?

They say oftentimes serial killers

will meet they victims at a plub-lic place!

So?

Cora met that man at a public place!

She met him at the grocery store.

Don't be silly.

Cora's date is not a serial killer.

Oh, okay, okay.

Ooh. Ooh, wow!

I know you heard that!

They said oftentimes,

the serial killers, they will be professionals.

And that man has a profession, that's what Cora--

He's a dentist, that, I know that.

A dentist would never be a serial killer.

Do you know how hard it would be

to get blood out of a white coat?

Yeah, yeah, you right, you right, alright.

Ooh, he got the DNN on him.

He gonna sure find out who it is now.

Oh, you see that? That's what I'm tellin'.

Oftentimes, you said,

oftentimes the victim's family will know about it,

but they just too 'shamed to say somethin'.

I'm not gonna sit here and be 'shamed.

I'm goin' to keep my daughter from gettin' murdered!

Stop right there!

Don't ruin poor Cora's date with your irrational paranoia!

I'm sure her date is not a serial killer.

Just call her.

Okay, I'mma call Cora.

'Cause I can't remember no numbers, okay.

5-5-5-4. Okay.

Hey, Cora!

Yeah, it's your daddy.

With the, you know, the one that dress sharp,

I'm a, I'm a fashion icon.

She knows who you are. Get to it.

Okay.

Cora, I wanna know if, if your date

got you locked up in the dungeon somewhere,

-you eatin', eatin'... -Mr. Brown, focus.

Okay, okay. Yeah, Cora?

You're not locked up?

She said they not locked up.

They sharin' a bang-bang chicken.

Y'all not share, y'all share...?

Sorry to interrupt, dear.

No, we won't call again.

I promise. Enjoy your date.

Ta-ta. See?

Your daughter is perfectly safe, just like I said.

Whew, praise the Lord, I'm glad.

'Cause my stomach feel better, too, after that.

I, I done calmed up.

-Calmed down. -Praise the Lord indeed.

-Yes. -Whew.

Whew!

You hear that?

They say oftentimes the serial killer

hold a gun to the victim's head and make 'em say they alright!

Cora may not be alright! He got a gun to her head.

You know, that exact thing happened to my character

in a movie called Jive Turkey Serial Killers from Mars.

I promised Cora you wouldn't call again,

but I never said anything about texting.

Okay, yeah.

That, that movie must've went straight to DVD.

"Cora, are you locked up in a dungeon

"with a gun to your head,

or is this really you?"

A gun emoji, tooth emoji, with a skull emoji.

Send.

Okay, there we go! She write back.

She say, "I'm fine, my date is a gentleman.

Stop texting me."

That settles that, she's fine.

It's right there in black and white.

Yeah, you probably right.

Yeah, alright.

Okay, I hate to say it. I hate to say it.

What if he is im-prosecutin' her?

Like, he somebody else.

And he really ain't what he with Cora,

he just makin' you think it's Cora,

and it's really not Cora, because it's not Cora,

he's makin' you think it's Cora.

I, I see where you're going with this,

and, and I agree wholeheartedly.

Text her a question only she would know

so we can make sure it's really her.

-Okay. -Hurry up.

"Cora, what is your favorite imaginary character

"when you was a little girl,

"not datin' serial killers,

not makin' your daddy have the bubble guts."

Right here. Okay, here we go.

Worried emoji, sad emoji, cryin' emoji,

and what's that emoji with the little thing...?

That's enough. That's enough emojis.

Send.

Oh! She...

Wait, no, there we go, she didn't text back.

There can only be one reason.

-She's tied in a dungeon! -She's tied in a dungeon!

[screaming bloody murder]

Yeah, I'm really proud of you makin' all this food

for shut-ins, man, that's cool.

Man, you know, if West Ind Jimmy can see me now.

Yeah, what would he say?

He'd say I was a damn fool, workin' for free.

You know, West Ind Jimmy

had a fourth F to go along with the other ones,

which was feedin', fightin', and my favorite,

-matin', matin'. -Matin'.

Matin', matin', matin', matin'. Yeah.

Mm-hm.

You know, uh, old habits die hard.

Now, check this out.

Not that I'd do it,

but my first instinct was to

do these meals for the sick and shut-in,

and straight pocket the cash.

Man, you know, the Bible said it's a sin

as soon as you think of somethin' bad,

even if you don't do it, right?

Man, that ain't true, 'cause the other day,

when Anastasia bent over to tie her shoe,

dude, I was lookin' really hard.

She was down there a long time, just...

What up, man?

How was it with the, uh, sick and shut-in?

Feel good to give back, don't it?

It does, I mean, everybody was so happy

when I would knock on the door.

Oh, they like my cooking, don't they?

Yeah, I mean, I think they were just happy to see

a friendly face.

They must get pretty lonely in those sick and shut-ins.

Man, it sure is good to see my great-grandson

do some activities

that are wholesome and givin' back like that.

Oh, that reminds me. Uh, there we go.

Boom!

What the hell?

Where'd you get all that cash from?

From the sick and shut-ins.

Oh, you chargin' people for...? There's money, man?

Where's my cut?

No, of course I'm not charging the sick people.

That would be sick.

I mean, you right about that.

I mean, who would do somethin' like that?

That's low-down.

So, why did they give you all of this money?

Well, they were so happy that they gave me a tip.

And I tried to give it back,

but they refused and said it would be rude not to, so...

Well, I'll give it back. How 'bout that?

Grandpa, really?

Yeah, really.

But Dad, he just took the money!

Man, I guess old habits do die hard.

No, this one ain't dead. Old habits don't die.

This is not dead at all. Look at me.

Don't I look happy?

Thank you for the service, Philip.

Can I get half of it?

I'll let you smell it.

[laidback music]

[indistinct], I mean, this is horrible!

I can't believe it.

I've been callin' Harold, he won't even answer the phone!

This is terrible.

What, are you okay?! What happened?!

What happened?!

Can you believe these two right here?!

I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life!

We were watching a television show

about serial killers

who often have professional jobs

and meet their victims in public places.

Okay, look.

Okay, look, 'cause she was out with that service killer.

-We did... -I'm sorry, what?

We was talkin' about a serious killer.

-A serious killer, okay. -Yes.

That's when they kill a serious of people.

A serial killer!

-Yes, yes! -Okay.

So, we was out with the serious killer,

and then, Cora,

we did what any other rational human beings would think!

We thought that Cora was with a...

A serious killer!

Okay, okay. Let me get this straight.

-You thought Ms. Cora... -[Mr. Brown] Right.

-Went on a date... -[Mr. Brown] Mm-hm.

-With a serial killer. -Yes, yes.

[Philip] For real?

-[Mr. Brown] For real. -Unfortunately.

Okay, and then what happened?

And see, Cora, I walked in and I said,

"God dog, that girl's head is big."

That was Cora. I said, "There you go."

You know what he did?

He walked in there, put his hands all in my mouth,

tryin' to make sure all my teeth were in there,

-accounted for. -[indistinct]

Above, yes!

What you do that for?!

'Cause he was a serious killer and he was a dentist!

He would've pulled all her teeth out

and make a necklace and put a gold with a diamond in it,

and be walkin' around with a C on the diamond right there.

Cora, of course for Cora.

They always go with that one, right?

[indistinct] rip his mouth right out.

Okay, okay, and then-- so what did your date do?

He was embarrassed and shocked!

That's before the police got there, Philip.

-Oh no! -Yes, Philip!

Don't tell me you called the police on the man.

Who else you gon' call

if your daughter is about to be murdered?

You call the police, you don't order...

"Let me have a cheese pizza with pepperoni."

No, you call the police!

And, and Harold was mortified!

I mean, this man jumped up and said, "Nice to meet you,"

paid the bill, and walked out on me!

-What? -But I can't blame him,

I can't even blame him!

Why can't somebody gon' answer the phone?

Oh, Cora, Cora, I'm so sorry!

Get off me, Ms. Anastasia. I'm upset right now.

Me and Mr. Brown were watching this program,

a gruesome program.

We got caught up in it.

Our, our imaginations got the best of us.

Cora, I'm so sorry.

'Cause you know I worries about you.

I sits up at night, and I worries about you.

-Mm. -[Mr. Brown] I don't want

nothin' to happen to you.

-Mr. Brown. -[Mr. Brown] Or your teeth.

You know how, what it took me to do to get them teeth?

Your teeth was like a fork, one side was this way.

Amd they would just fit into each other just like this.

Cora, I said, "That girl's teeth is bad."

Mr. Brown, thank you, I'm grateful for

everything that you've done.

But Mr. Brown, I'll always be your daughter.

I mean, but you have to realize I'm not a kid anymore.

I'm a grown woman!

And I'm gonna get back on the, on the datin' scene.

You're gonna get on the pill?

-On the datin' scene! -On the scene, datin' scene.

It's a shame it can't be with Harold.

He seemed like a very nice gentleman.

And, Philip, he still had all his hair and his teeth.

I was lookin' forward to gettin' to know him!

And I'm just ashamed all of this happened!

[Philip] Right? [phone dinging]

-[Mr. Brown] I'm sorry! -Oh, oh!

Oh, this is Harold!

Don't keep us in suspense!

You know what, he, he, he's, he's apologizing that,

that he got frustrated and walked out on me.

And, and, and he said...

Oh! He thought, he thought about it.

He thought, and he said he, uh, um,

although that my father

-and his gorgeous... -Settle down, Cora, settle down.

That, that's me, Philip! I'm gorgeous!

He said I was gorgeous!

His gorgeous companion are a little crazy,

he said he's not gonna hold it against me,

and he wants to take me out on a date again on a redo!

If I'm willing, and I--if I'm with it.

Don't do it. Cora, don't do it.

I wanna, I wanna go through with it, and go all the way through!

Reach a climax, don't do it!

What is that?

No, Cora, don't do it.

Don't let him eat, don't be eat...

You know what I mean, Cora!

Nobody needs to be eatin'...

Go eat, do the thing!

I'm gon' do it! I'm, I'm goin'!

-Good, Cora! -Alright!

Cora, do you know what?

Just because it, it went bad, I'mma pay for it.

-How generous of you! -[Mr. Brown] I'mma pay for it.

What money, make this right.

Get you, get you all a coupon, and that's a coupon.

Get you, you sip, he sip, y'all sip, you dip.

-Just like that, okay. -Thank you, thank you.

Cora, get yo somethin', get you somethin' sweet!

[Anastasia] Have fun, Cora!

[Cora] Woo!

[humming] Hey, Philip, you know what?

Thank you so much for helpin' deliver dinners

to the sick and shut-ins.

Sister Carol said it was a great success.

I guess.

You guess? What do you mean, you guess?

Uh, I don't know, I was just...

I'm just kinda bummed about some stuff.

You was bummed?

Well, what? What was you bummed about?

Um...

Oh, hey, hey, Ms. Cora.

The sick and shut-in,

they really enjoyed the food that I cooked

and Philip delivered, that they gave us tips.

Look at all this cash.

-Wow, really? -You know,

I don't really feel comfortable walkin' around

with all this money.

Tell you what, donate it to the church.

Wow, this is great, thank you so much!

This is nice of you guys.

-I know, I know. -[Cora] Thank you.

You think that'll get me into Heaven?

Well, well, first thing,

you still gotta confess your sins, now...

Okay, but now I got the money. Will that help?

I mean, I don't know, but we...

But there is some money,

but I mean, does God, like, help?

If you give a lotta money, could you get in?

Well, I don't know, you... It's on your lifestyle.

Okay, my lifestyle not that good,

but I did give a lotta money.

-[Cora] Well, you gave. -Well, if you talk to Him,

'cause you talk to Him a long time.

-[Cora] Okay. -Tell Him I gave money.

Good job. Good job.

[Vinny] You done good, Philip.

No, I'm proud of you.

[Vinny] No, you done good.

No, you done good!

Hey, you done good.

So, what was you bummed about?

Me? Oh, nothin'.

Nothin'? Are you sure?

-Yeah, I had a good time. -Alright, well,

-thank y'all so much. -[Vinny] No problem.

I mean, y'all up to do it again four more times?

I put, I put, that was mainly me.

-That was mainly you? -Yes, ma'am.

Vinny, Vinny, Vinny. Proud of you.

-Philip, then Vinny. -And Vinny.

-Thank y'all so much. -[Vinny] Yeah.

-I'm gon' take it. -[Vinny] Yeah.

-They gon' be happy to see this. -Let 'em know Vinny!

-Philip, Philip! -Talk to Him.

'Cause I know you talk to Him a lot!

-Philip. -Save Vinny.

[Cora] Thank y'all!

-I'm proud of you, man. -No, I'm proud of you, man.

-I'm really proud of you. -I'm super proud of you.

[Vinny] We shouldn't have gave all that money back.

At least kept half.

Some of it, right?

[music]

[music]

[music]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0