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1
00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:13,245
Monday, 8:00.
2
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,581
"Pucks." Bye-bye!
3
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I like "Pucks."
4
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,350
No. I'm sorry.
5
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:20,820
I say we give it one more chance.
6
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,255
I got to get off the show. I'm sorry.
7
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,491
I can't quit. But if you kill me...
8
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,327
- We can't kill you.
- Sure, you can. You created me.
9
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,829
Don't you think if we could kill you,
10
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,830
we'd have done it by now?
11
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,665
What did you say?
12
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,004
What did you say?
13
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,175
Maybe we should try adjusting
your medication again.
14
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:45,778
Maybe.
15
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,239
What's going on?
16
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More news from Peru.
17
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:54,146
Oh, God.
18
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:56,549
- So awful.
- I know.
19
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Unbelievable.
20
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:01,654
You keep thinking...
there's people under there.
21
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,989
Makes me want to cry.
22
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,597
Is that the new iPad?
23
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:12,665
Yeah.
24
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:13,799
Like it?
25
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,434
Well... it's not that different.
26
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,636
I hate my phone.
27
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,305
You ready?
28
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:25,010
Uh, may we, uh, have
everyone's attention, please?
29
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:28,480
Hello! If, uh, everyone
could, um, gather 'round.
30
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:32,318
We actually have a piece of good news.
31
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:35,988
The network has decided,
in its infinite wisdom,
32
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to move our little show
to a different night
33
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:43,529
so we will no longer be opposite
the much-reviled talking dog!
34
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,232
Do we know what night yet?
35
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,800
Saturdays at 8:00.
36
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,571
Hey, this is still good.
37
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,907
Okay. Fine. Saturday is shitty.
38
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:56,508
But at least they're giving us a chance.
39
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,577
Don't be dicks.
40
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:01,847
Well, thank you, morning.
41
00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:03,916
Words to live by.
42
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,518
Don't be dicks.
43
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:12,725
So... that's our good news.
44
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:15,728
Yay.
45
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,534
That'll totally work.
46
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:23,869
May we see you for a moment?
47
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,137
Yeah. Sure.
48
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:26,605
What's up?
49
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,408
Uh, apparently, the network
booked you on Jay leno
50
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:30,776
to promote the new night.
51
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,078
- Yeah.
- And they're saying you're refusing.
52
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,446
Right.
53
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:37,449
Um... why?
54
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,618
Seriously?
55
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,987
Last week I asked you
to kill me off the show.
56
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,922
- What did you say?
- No.
57
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,924
And now you're asking
me to promote the show.
58
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,726
- Yes.
- Uh, no.
59
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,561
Look, I don't know if I mentioned it,
60
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,463
but I just want this thing to fucking die.
61
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,265
Perhaps you can tell Jay
62
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,200
you want it to die Saturday nights at 8:00.
63
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,101
Cute.
64
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,803
Listen, I'm hardly in it.
65
00:03:57,837 --> 00:04:00,039
Now they're moving us to
the worst night of the week?
66
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,408
Why should I do anything to
make this shit last longer?
67
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:05,311
Why do you have to be such a selfish prick?
68
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,679
Look around.
69
00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:10,449
There are 150 people here
whose jobs hang in the balance.
70
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:14,119
For once in your life,
it's not just about you.
71
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:17,990
Think about the other people.
72
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:24,897
That seems unfair, but all right.
73
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:33,972
I can't stop thinking
about that whole Peru thing,
74
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,008
all those people.
75
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,242
Horrible.
76
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,678
I don't know if I could
survive something like that.
77
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,580
I really don't. It's my worst nightmare.
78
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,849
You want to talk worst nightmares?
79
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,552
Guess who's coming in to pitch tomorrow.
80
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:47,319
Who?
81
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,254
Merc Lapidus.
82
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,156
No. Pitch what?
83
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,224
Shows.
84
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:55,260
Merc Lapidus is pitching shows to you?
85
00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:56,628
That's insane.
86
00:04:56,663 --> 00:05:00,799
That's like Henry VIII
pitching to Anne Boleyn's head.
87
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,267
See, stuff like that
88
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,071
is probably why you don't
have a lot of friends.
89
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:08,340
And why do you have to do this?
90
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,643
We've got a first-look deal with him.
91
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,412
It was part of his exit package.
92
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,014
Sounds awful. Just the
two of you in a room.
93
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,683
Oh, God, no.
94
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:21,954
Andy and Myra will be there, plus Castor.
95
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:27,226
Even so, I am dreading
it, just seeing Merc again.
96
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,728
It's like the thing that wouldn't die.
97
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,098
You know the scariest part?
98
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:39,071
What if I see him and all these
feelings come rushing back?
99
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:40,939
Let me just say this...
100
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,976
If you get back together with Merc Lapidus,
101
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,479
I will lose every shred
of respect I have for you.
102
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,781
You have respect for me?
103
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:50,182
Eee!
104
00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:01,493
Hey. You know this thing tomorrow night?
105
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,861
You guys want to go together?
106
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,898
Uh, first of all, no. And what thing?
107
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,633
The telethon for the Peru thing.
108
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,568
- There's a telethon?
- Yeah.
109
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:12,037
George Clooney's doing it,
Matt Damon, Taylor Swift, Jay-Z.
110
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:14,506
And you?
111
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,242
Fuck me.
112
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,245
My publicist is trying to get
me next to Jennifer Garner.
113
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,014
Got to get me some camera time, right?
114
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,117
Figure Ben Affleck comes
over, I'm in the shot.
115
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:27,085
The whole thing's pretty cool.
116
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,855
Not for the 20,000 people that were killed.
117
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Where?
118
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Peru?
119
00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:34,226
Oh.
120
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,595
Yeah. Right. Totally.
121
00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:38,464
So, you guys, uh, done one of these before?
122
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:41,967
Uh, yeah. I did 9/11 and Katrina.
123
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:45,237
Nice. I did the Exxon
Valdez and Three Mile Island.
124
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,073
Huh.
125
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:50,008
Anyway. So this is my first one.
126
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,010
It's kind of a big deal.
127
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:58,383
So here's my question... sport
jacket or no sport jacket?
128
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,053
Just like an open shirt? What do you think?
129
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,621
Like, tie? No tie?
130
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,089
Uh, I don't fucking care.
131
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:06,425
Okay. So no jacket.
132
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,126
And I figure they can't see my pants,
133
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,628
so that doesn't matter, right?
134
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,463
I'd still wear them.
135
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,398
Exactly.
136
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,567
Also, I don't have to give money, do I?
137
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,871
What?
138
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,314
Did you do the one for the Hindenburg, too?
139
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,482
Dick.
140
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,689
So, how are the new meds working out?
141
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:41,927
Better, I think. Yeah.
I'm not hearing so many...
142
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,263
- Voices?
- Yeah. Not as much.
143
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,631
And the rage?
144
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:46,865
Pretty good. Pretty good.
145
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:49,635
Well, that's encouraging. Side effects?
146
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,804
Dry mouth, constipation, discolored urine?
147
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,973
Everything makes me hard.
148
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,542
Talk about that.
149
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:57,709
Everything.
150
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,344
This morning, when I was getting gas,
151
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,313
I got a boner putting
the nozzle into the tank.
152
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:02,714
Huh.
153
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:04,850
- Does masturbating help?
- Eventually.
154
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:07,152
But it takes fucking forever.
155
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,787
I'm getting calluses on my fingers.
156
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,489
I might as well take up the guitar.
157
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,558
Huh.
158
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,760
Look, I understand this is difficult,
159
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:16,862
but I would like to
ask you to hang in there
160
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,131
- just a little bit longer.
- You're kidding, right?
161
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,199
- I can't roll over at night!
- I hear you.
162
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,402
But other than that, the
meds seem to be working.
163
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,370
Hopefully, with time,
this particular side effect
164
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:30,709
will, uh... abate.
165
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:33,845
Cut. That's a wrap.
166
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,381
Well, good luck tonight on leno.
167
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:37,382
Oh, thanks.
168
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,850
Thanks. You guys want to come?
169
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:41,053
Jamie's gonna be there.
We could all go out after.
170
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,588
Sorry. We have to work.
171
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,156
What work? We're wrapped.
172
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,058
Maybe you're wrapped.
173
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,659
We've still got hours yet.
174
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,361
Doing what?
175
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:51,430
The writing.
176
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,564
Is it stuff for me?
177
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,833
No, but other people have to say words.
178
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,134
Are the words about me?
179
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,436
- No.
- Then fuck it.
180
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,538
Let the other writers cover for once.
181
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,073
Come on. They can do it.
182
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,741
Do you even know the other writers?
183
00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,409
Yeah, I know the other writers.
184
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,278
I ran into one at a club this weekend.
185
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,679
Who?
186
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,415
I want to say... Alex?
187
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,417
We don't have an Alex.
188
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:14,286
The kind of twitchy Jewish one.
189
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,088
- That's all of them.
- Whatever.
190
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,589
Come with me. You want to meet Jay?
191
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,191
Not especially.
192
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,592
Might be fun.
193
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,861
We have so much to do.
194
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,763
- You can have my gift bag.
- Do I have time to change?
195
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:26,999
There you go.
196
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,174
I just want to get this over with.
197
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,175
I know.
198
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,944
It's like waiting for Santa...
199
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,380
if Santa was a bullshitting,
two-faced asshole
200
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,981
who fired me once.
201
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,816
Merc Lapidus is here.
202
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,485
Ho, ho, ho.
203
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,820
Okay. Bring him in.
204
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:51,390
And please tell Castor so he can join us.
205
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,525
Got it.
206
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:54,893
You okay?
207
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,061
Absolutely.
208
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,330
I'm fine.
209
00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:01,233
Rescuers worked feverishly
through the night
210
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,703
searching for any signs
from inside the tunnel,
211
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,171
and then suddenly...
212
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:10,575
About 45 minutes ago, a miracle...
213
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,212
a faint tapping sound
from deep under the rubble.
214
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,014
Using the latest audio equipment,
215
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:20,652
rescuers established contact with a woman.
216
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,488
According to sources, she is trapped
217
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:27,759
in a space not much bigger than a coffin.
218
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,797
One can't help but imagine
what it must be like for her,
219
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:36,101
buried in this dark, dank hole
220
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,936
deep in the ground
221
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:43,241
not knowing if she will
ever see daylight again.
222
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,645
We're told she's barely able to move,
223
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:50,749
her body pinned beneath the debris.
224
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:56,254
A prisoner encased in
stone and twisted steel.
225
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:59,057
Rescuers are hoping to snake a tube
226
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,692
through the wreckage
227
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:05,163
to bring this woman much-needed hydration.
228
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:08,533
Presumably, she's gone
over 36 hours without water.
229
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:12,104
They're ready for you for
the Merc Lapidus meeting.
230
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:13,772
I'll come as soon as I can.
231
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,907
And, of course, very...
232
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,744
There they are.
233
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:20,912
You see?
234
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,414
You don't get rid of me that easy.
235
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,416
Come here.
236
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,084
That's o... okay.
237
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,720
There's my queen of comedy.
238
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:32,524
Mr. Button! Come here.
239
00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:34,693
Why don't we all sit down?
240
00:11:34,787 --> 00:11:36,454
No. That's me.
241
00:11:36,489 --> 00:11:37,489
Whoops.
242
00:11:39,458 --> 00:11:42,427
So, how is everybody?
243
00:11:42,461 --> 00:11:43,528
Miss me yet?
244
00:11:43,563 --> 00:11:45,430
We might if you didn't come back.
245
00:11:47,466 --> 00:11:50,402
Castor is stuck on a call.
He'll join as soon as he can.
246
00:11:50,436 --> 00:11:51,436
Oh, that's fine.
247
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:53,839
It will give us all a chance to catch up.
248
00:11:53,873 --> 00:11:56,708
Great.
249
00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:03,849
Look at this.
250
00:12:03,883 --> 00:12:07,085
Other than a "Tonight Show"
mug, which I'll never use...
251
00:12:07,119 --> 00:12:09,821
Men's cologne...
252
00:12:09,856 --> 00:12:12,123
a tie.
253
00:12:16,195 --> 00:12:19,497
"Tonight Show" cuff links.
This is all crap for men.
254
00:12:19,532 --> 00:12:21,399
It was meant for me.
255
00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:23,101
Tell them you want a girl's bag.
256
00:12:23,135 --> 00:12:24,302
Yeah. I'm not doing that.
257
00:12:24,337 --> 00:12:25,971
If you don't want it, I'll take it.
258
00:12:26,005 --> 00:12:27,505
I didn't say I didn't want it.
259
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,441
Hey, you made it.
260
00:12:29,475 --> 00:12:30,442
Thank you.
261
00:12:30,476 --> 00:12:31,776
Sorry I'm late.
262
00:12:31,811 --> 00:12:35,113
I was working the phones,
raising money for Peru.
263
00:12:35,147 --> 00:12:37,616
Now they're saying it's the
third-worst natural disaster
264
00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:39,150
in the history of Latin America.
265
00:12:39,185 --> 00:12:40,852
A comb.
266
00:12:40,887 --> 00:12:43,788
Who still uses a comb? This is bullshit!
267
00:12:45,157 --> 00:12:46,358
- Hey, Matt.
- Hey.
268
00:12:46,392 --> 00:12:49,494
- So, Jay is fine with the mosquito story.
- Great.
269
00:12:49,528 --> 00:12:52,063
There may not be time for
the thing about your kids.
270
00:12:52,098 --> 00:12:53,965
Ah. What if I don't talk about "Pucks"?
271
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,867
Hopefully we'll have time for all of it.
272
00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:56,868
Okay.
273
00:12:56,903 --> 00:12:58,503
Uh, by the way,
274
00:12:58,537 --> 00:13:02,374
um, I'm fine staying on the
couch for Zac Efron's segment.
275
00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:06,344
Um, actually, Zac's up first,
and then he has to take off,
276
00:13:06,379 --> 00:13:07,979
so we're good.
277
00:13:08,014 --> 00:13:10,048
Uh, wait a minute. I'm second?
278
00:13:10,082 --> 00:13:11,249
Uh, yeah.
279
00:13:11,284 --> 00:13:12,684
Uh, no.
280
00:13:12,718 --> 00:13:13,919
Yeah.
281
00:13:13,953 --> 00:13:16,421
No. That's wrong. I'm always first.
282
00:13:16,455 --> 00:13:18,023
I'm... I'm never second.
283
00:13:18,057 --> 00:13:20,825
Uh... not sure what to tell you.
284
00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:22,560
Well, there's got to be a mistake.
285
00:13:22,595 --> 00:13:24,296
It's not.
286
00:13:26,065 --> 00:13:29,701
Does Jay know about this?
287
00:13:33,773 --> 00:13:36,741
And did you see the
pictures of that church? Oh!
288
00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:39,377
I'm telling you, my heart
breaks for those people.
289
00:13:39,412 --> 00:13:42,314
Those poor, poor people.
290
00:13:43,416 --> 00:13:44,616
Peru.
291
00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:46,484
Never been there.
292
00:13:46,519 --> 00:13:48,019
Not going now.
293
00:13:50,790 --> 00:13:53,391
I don't know what's keeping Castor.
294
00:13:53,426 --> 00:13:55,360
Why don't we start without him?
295
00:13:55,394 --> 00:13:57,762
No! It's okay! I can wait for the big guy.
296
00:13:57,797 --> 00:14:00,498
Okay.
297
00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:05,103
Peter, please find out how much
longer Castor is going to be.
298
00:14:07,273 --> 00:14:10,275
Although rescuers can still hear her moans,
299
00:14:10,309 --> 00:14:12,444
they are definitely getting weaker.
300
00:14:12,478 --> 00:14:16,014
For now, all that any of us can do is pray.
301
00:14:16,048 --> 00:14:17,082
Oh, please, God.
302
00:14:18,584 --> 00:14:21,353
They're asking again about
the Merc Lapidus meeting.
303
00:14:21,387 --> 00:14:23,121
I'm not coming!
304
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,357
And dig this former...
305
00:14:26,659 --> 00:14:30,061
Ah. Thanks.
306
00:14:30,096 --> 00:14:31,663
Ah.
307
00:14:31,697 --> 00:14:34,232
Apparently, Castor just got called away
308
00:14:34,266 --> 00:14:36,935
to an emergency meeting out of the office,
309
00:14:36,969 --> 00:14:40,839
so it looks like he's not going
to be joining us after all.
310
00:14:40,873 --> 00:14:42,941
Ah. Screw him.
311
00:14:42,975 --> 00:14:45,243
Everyone knows you've
always run this place anyway.
312
00:14:48,714 --> 00:14:50,015
So, what have you got?
313
00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:51,516
All right.
314
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:53,551
The first one is a one-hour
315
00:14:53,586 --> 00:14:56,454
with a bit of a fantasy/horror slant.
316
00:14:56,489 --> 00:14:58,023
Ooh! Okay.
317
00:14:58,057 --> 00:15:01,192
In a word... gargoyles!
318
00:15:05,865 --> 00:15:08,466
Um, I don't know if you remember,
319
00:15:08,501 --> 00:15:12,604
but right before you left, we
actually explored this arena.
320
00:15:14,006 --> 00:15:15,173
We did?
321
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:17,609
But I'm eager to hear your take on it.
322
00:15:18,711 --> 00:15:21,613
Well, it's... that's pretty much it so far.
323
00:15:21,647 --> 00:15:23,681
I mean, come on. Gargoyles.
324
00:15:23,716 --> 00:15:25,250
Right.
325
00:15:25,284 --> 00:15:28,053
Um, I think it needs a
little more development.
326
00:15:28,087 --> 00:15:32,424
Character, story, themes, a premise.
327
00:15:32,458 --> 00:15:34,492
Fair enough. I... I hear you.
328
00:15:34,527 --> 00:15:37,062
Also, you should just know...
329
00:15:37,096 --> 00:15:41,633
A concern that I always had
with... gargoyles as a concept,
330
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:43,401
in terms of the jeopardy,
331
00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:47,038
it seems like if you just
avoid gothic buildings.
332
00:15:48,674 --> 00:15:50,275
Huh.
333
00:15:50,309 --> 00:15:55,947
But maybe there is a reason
why the characters have to be
334
00:15:55,981 --> 00:15:57,415
near gothic buildings,
335
00:15:57,450 --> 00:16:01,653
like, um, it's set at a
university or something.
336
00:16:01,687 --> 00:16:02,821
Well, there you go!
337
00:16:02,855 --> 00:16:05,356
Bing! We solved it.
338
00:16:05,391 --> 00:16:08,193
Okay. Well, let's stick a pin in that.
339
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,861
What else have you got?
340
00:16:09,895 --> 00:16:12,163
All right. This one's a comedy.
341
00:16:13,299 --> 00:16:14,532
Up your alley.
342
00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:16,501
Mm.
343
00:16:16,535 --> 00:16:18,736
Second? I'm on second?!
344
00:16:18,771 --> 00:16:20,371
Why would they do that to you?
345
00:16:20,406 --> 00:16:22,273
It's got to be Jay.
346
00:16:23,876 --> 00:16:26,277
It's 'cause I took that
fucking lamborghini.
347
00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:27,679
It's a limited edition.
348
00:16:27,713 --> 00:16:29,447
There was only one left in the country.
349
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:32,317
My car guy told me Jay really
wanted it, but I took it anyway.
350
00:16:32,351 --> 00:16:33,952
This is him getting back at me.
351
00:16:33,986 --> 00:16:35,687
Would he really do that?
352
00:16:35,721 --> 00:16:37,222
Over a car? Uh, yeah.
353
00:16:37,256 --> 00:16:38,990
Fucking Leno can be a total...
354
00:16:39,024 --> 00:16:40,091
A total what?
355
00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:42,127
Uh, mensch. A total mensch.
356
00:16:42,161 --> 00:16:43,862
Mensch? So "mensch" means "prick" now?
357
00:16:43,896 --> 00:16:44,963
I never knew that.
358
00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:49,200
Hey, uh, this is Sean and Beverly Lincoln.
359
00:16:49,235 --> 00:16:50,201
They created my show.
360
00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:51,369
- Hello.
- Nice to meet you.
361
00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:53,004
British or just really pretentious?
362
00:16:53,038 --> 00:16:54,706
British.
363
00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:57,342
And a little pretentious.
364
00:16:57,376 --> 00:16:59,611
I don't know why I said that.
365
00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:01,045
And you know Jamie Lapidus.
366
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,413
Do I know Jamie Lapidus?
367
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:04,449
- Hello, beautiful.
- Hi, Jay.
368
00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:06,384
I am so sorry to hear about you and Merc.
369
00:17:06,418 --> 00:17:07,752
Oh, don't be. I'm not.
370
00:17:07,786 --> 00:17:09,621
- And now you're with this guy, huh?
- Yeah.
371
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:13,158
It's a good thing you can't
see, 'cause he got really old.
372
00:17:13,192 --> 00:17:15,426
Hey, Jay, um, here's the thing.
373
00:17:15,461 --> 00:17:18,296
- Yeah.
- I just found out I'm on second.
374
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:19,664
- Really?
- Really.
375
00:17:19,698 --> 00:17:21,466
Yeah. Look, I'm not in charge of that.
376
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,334
- I don't know how that...
- Bullshit.
377
00:17:23,369 --> 00:17:25,170
It's 'cause I took that
fucking Lamborghini.
378
00:17:25,204 --> 00:17:27,505
That was you? You fucking jizz bag.
379
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:29,974
- What, like you didn't know?
- Hey, if I knew, you wouldn't be on at all.
380
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:31,543
So why am I on second?
381
00:17:33,279 --> 00:17:35,947
Look, it's not "Friends" anymore.
382
00:17:35,981 --> 00:17:37,182
It's "Pucks."
383
00:17:37,216 --> 00:17:38,316
Still.
384
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:39,717
"Still"?
385
00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:41,853
There's no "still."
386
00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:44,355
Shit changes.
387
00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:47,258
Believe me.
388
00:17:48,294 --> 00:17:50,161
Enjoy the show, folks.
389
00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:59,037
So, how do you know Jay?
390
00:17:59,071 --> 00:18:02,240
Every year he hosts my easter
egg hunt for children's cancer.
391
00:18:02,274 --> 00:18:05,176
Asshole.
392
00:18:05,211 --> 00:18:07,879
Wow. I'm batting 0 for 5 here.
393
00:18:07,913 --> 00:18:10,715
But that's cool. I got another one.
394
00:18:10,749 --> 00:18:12,050
Okay.
395
00:18:12,084 --> 00:18:14,352
Now, I haven't given
this one as much thought.
396
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:16,487
Is that scientifically possible?
397
00:18:16,522 --> 00:18:18,990
It's about this guy who loses his job
398
00:18:19,024 --> 00:18:20,792
and has to move home with his parents.
399
00:18:20,826 --> 00:18:22,894
Um, can I stop you right there?
400
00:18:22,928 --> 00:18:26,664
Again, it's an area we
explored when you were here.
401
00:18:26,699 --> 00:18:28,700
Uh, did we like it?
402
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:30,702
No.
403
00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:36,474
In fact, you were the one who
said, "it's been done to death."
404
00:18:36,508 --> 00:18:38,209
Well, you know me.
405
00:18:38,244 --> 00:18:39,844
I never remember what I say.
406
00:18:39,878 --> 00:18:40,812
We do.
407
00:18:44,984 --> 00:18:46,150
All righty.
408
00:18:46,185 --> 00:18:47,652
This was so great.
409
00:18:47,686 --> 00:18:49,887
You've given us a lot to think about.
410
00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:52,390
Let us talk.
411
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:53,958
I know what that means.
412
00:18:53,993 --> 00:18:55,526
Okey dokey.
413
00:18:57,062 --> 00:19:00,031
Hey, kids, could I have
a moment with mom here?
414
00:19:04,136 --> 00:19:06,037
Bye-bye.
415
00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:09,340
Hate him.
416
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:11,009
Hate him like Hitler.
417
00:19:14,046 --> 00:19:16,814
- So, this was different.
- I'll bet.
418
00:19:16,849 --> 00:19:18,716
Myra's still a hoot. I'll tell you.
419
00:19:18,751 --> 00:19:21,753
It's no picnic being on the
other end of that squirrel face.
420
00:19:23,289 --> 00:19:25,056
I'm sure none of this is easy.
421
00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:26,858
What, are you... are you kidding me?
422
00:19:26,892 --> 00:19:29,727
This is the part I love... the
pitching and the schmoozing.
423
00:19:29,762 --> 00:19:31,095
I tell you, this is the best thing
424
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:32,430
that could have happened to me.
425
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:33,898
It's like a wake-up call.
426
00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:36,200
You know, just to recharge my batteries.
427
00:19:36,235 --> 00:19:38,836
Seriously, you've got
to buy fucking something.
428
00:19:38,871 --> 00:19:39,904
- I...
- Now, come on.
429
00:19:39,938 --> 00:19:41,306
I need this!
430
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,974
If I can't sell something here,
431
00:19:43,008 --> 00:19:45,109
no one in this town is
even gonna talk to me.
432
00:19:45,144 --> 00:19:49,647
Look, there's nothing here
I can even bring to Castor.
433
00:19:49,682 --> 00:19:52,483
Buy something? What am I buying?
434
00:19:52,518 --> 00:19:55,687
You're buying five years of us! Of love.
435
00:19:57,256 --> 00:19:58,856
Okay. I... I can't do this.
436
00:19:58,891 --> 00:19:59,991
You've got to go.
437
00:20:00,025 --> 00:20:01,125
I'm sorry.
438
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,427
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
439
00:20:02,461 --> 00:20:05,096
That was shitty. I'm
sorry. Please. Please wait.
440
00:20:07,333 --> 00:20:09,867
I'm not... not in a very
good place right now.
441
00:20:09,902 --> 00:20:13,604
I'm not doing a very good job handling it.
442
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,842
You know how hard it is to be 52
443
00:20:17,876 --> 00:20:21,646
and realize you fucked yourself
out of everything you ever...
444
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,980
ever wanted?
445
00:20:23,015 --> 00:20:27,218
I'll bet it's even harder at 58.
446
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:38,429
How are you?
447
00:20:38,464 --> 00:20:39,497
Are you okay?
448
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:41,299
I'm okay.
449
00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:44,102
How is it, uh, here with the new guy?
450
00:20:44,136 --> 00:20:47,372
W... we're still feeling our way,
451
00:20:47,406 --> 00:20:50,541
but I think it's going to work out.
452
00:20:50,576 --> 00:20:52,143
I'm glad.
453
00:20:52,177 --> 00:20:55,279
You deserve good things.
454
00:20:55,347 --> 00:20:57,949
Well...
455
00:20:57,983 --> 00:20:59,784
How's the divorce going?
456
00:20:59,818 --> 00:21:01,018
Oh, great.
457
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:02,687
By the time her lawyer's done with me,
458
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:04,455
I might not even have the one ball left.
459
00:21:04,490 --> 00:21:07,291
Ooh. That's not what you want.
460
00:21:10,462 --> 00:21:13,498
And she's still with that asshole LeBlanc.
461
00:21:13,532 --> 00:21:16,567
He's probably hanging in
there just to piss me off.
462
00:21:16,602 --> 00:21:19,170
Or it's not about you.
463
00:21:19,204 --> 00:21:20,371
Enh.
464
00:21:20,406 --> 00:21:23,174
Hey, I started taking pilates.
465
00:21:23,208 --> 00:21:24,242
No!
466
00:21:24,276 --> 00:21:26,043
Yeah, yeah. I fucking hate it.
467
00:21:26,078 --> 00:21:27,345
Don't fold me.
468
00:21:31,884 --> 00:21:35,186
We should get a drink
sometime, dinner... something.
469
00:21:37,322 --> 00:21:38,523
No.
470
00:21:38,557 --> 00:21:40,224
I'm just talking dinner.
471
00:21:40,259 --> 00:21:43,394
And I'm just saying no.
472
00:21:44,997 --> 00:21:47,231
Okay. That's fair.
473
00:21:47,266 --> 00:21:48,366
I get it.
474
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,867
All right.
475
00:21:49,902 --> 00:21:52,303
So, this was great.
476
00:21:52,337 --> 00:21:54,572
Thanks again for coming in.
477
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:55,940
My pleasure.
478
00:21:55,974 --> 00:21:57,108
Maybe next time,
479
00:21:57,142 --> 00:21:59,744
the big kahuna will grace
me with his presence.
480
00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:01,412
I know he wanted to be here.
481
00:22:01,447 --> 00:22:03,514
I'm sorry he got called away.
482
00:22:03,549 --> 00:22:04,682
Next time.
483
00:22:04,716 --> 00:22:07,418
We don't need to do the goodbye hug.
484
00:22:09,054 --> 00:22:10,922
Whatever you want.
485
00:22:21,333 --> 00:22:22,400
It's gonna be okay.
486
00:22:22,434 --> 00:22:23,801
How is it gonna be okay?
487
00:22:23,836 --> 00:22:25,570
I... I can't even back out now.
488
00:22:25,604 --> 00:22:27,538
I'm sorry, but so you're on second?
489
00:22:27,573 --> 00:22:29,507
I don't get what the big deal is.
490
00:22:29,541 --> 00:22:31,142
I don't know how it
works on the little island
491
00:22:31,176 --> 00:22:32,143
where you come from,
492
00:22:32,177 --> 00:22:34,645
but here it sends a message!
493
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,448
Something as stupid as coming
out second says everything.
494
00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:39,250
You're over. You're on your way out.
495
00:22:39,284 --> 00:22:41,385
- Viewers aren't stupid.
- Some of them are stupid.
496
00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:43,287
Some of them are stupid,
but most of them get it.
497
00:22:43,322 --> 00:22:45,122
I didn't even want to do this fucking thing
498
00:22:45,157 --> 00:22:46,824
in the first place.
499
00:22:46,859 --> 00:22:48,459
Thanks!
500
00:23:01,773 --> 00:23:04,442
What the...
501
00:23:04,476 --> 00:23:05,877
Motherfucker!
502
00:23:13,652 --> 00:23:14,919
He's here! What?
503
00:23:14,953 --> 00:23:17,288
- That bastard's here, isn't he?!
- Who? Oh, no.
504
00:23:17,322 --> 00:23:19,590
Don't bullshit me!
Meeting out of the office?!
505
00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:21,425
- I saw his goddamn car!
- Hang on. You don't want to...
506
00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:22,894
- Is he in there?
- I'm sorry. Who are you?
507
00:23:22,928 --> 00:23:24,495
Hey! Asshole!
508
00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:28,499
If you're gonna piss on me,
at least do it to my face!
509
00:23:28,534 --> 00:23:30,668
- Please don't do this.
- Yeah. I need security.
510
00:23:30,702 --> 00:23:34,338
You don't even have the
common courtesy to open a door?
511
00:23:36,475 --> 00:23:38,910
You listen. You listen to me, you prick!
512
00:23:38,944 --> 00:23:41,145
Someday you're gonna be
the one standing out here,
513
00:23:41,179 --> 00:23:43,481
and I hope whoever is in there treats you
514
00:23:43,515 --> 00:23:46,217
with a little more respect
than you are treating me!
515
00:23:46,251 --> 00:23:47,318
You hear me?!
516
00:23:47,352 --> 00:23:50,421
You little shit!
517
00:23:50,455 --> 00:23:53,291
You little shit!
518
00:23:53,325 --> 00:23:55,826
You goddamn weasel hiding
in your little hole!
519
00:23:55,861 --> 00:23:59,664
I made this network
number one for four years.
520
00:23:59,731 --> 00:24:01,198
Four years!
521
00:24:01,233 --> 00:24:02,533
Let's see how long you last!
522
00:24:02,568 --> 00:24:04,669
You'll be gone before the coffee gets cold!
523
00:24:04,703 --> 00:24:07,038
Y... you're a blink. You're a footnote!
524
00:24:07,072 --> 00:24:08,706
And you... what have you done?
525
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:11,242
You came out in digital,
for God's sake... digital!
526
00:24:11,276 --> 00:24:13,644
What the fuck is that?! You're nothing!
527
00:24:13,679 --> 00:24:15,046
You're nobody!
528
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:16,047
Fuck you!
529
00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:18,549
Fuck you, you cocksucker!
530
00:24:19,751 --> 00:24:21,152
Fuck you!
531
00:24:41,707 --> 00:24:44,175
Just saw Zac Efron.
532
00:24:44,209 --> 00:24:46,310
He's losing his looks.
533
00:24:46,378 --> 00:24:48,179
How fast?
534
00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:53,417
Sorry about tonight.
535
00:24:53,452 --> 00:24:56,220
It is what it is.
536
00:24:56,254 --> 00:24:58,789
It is what it is.
537
00:24:59,992 --> 00:25:01,626
You're wrong about one thing.
538
00:25:01,660 --> 00:25:02,760
Yeah?
539
00:25:02,794 --> 00:25:04,629
You are far from over.
540
00:25:04,663 --> 00:25:06,397
Mm.
541
00:25:07,733 --> 00:25:10,835
I think I've been over for a while,
and no one bothered to tell me.
542
00:25:10,869 --> 00:25:14,005
It's not like they send
you a thing in the mail.
543
00:25:15,173 --> 00:25:17,975
You don't know. "Pucks" could catch on.
544
00:25:18,010 --> 00:25:19,610
New night.
545
00:25:19,645 --> 00:25:20,745
No?
546
00:25:20,779 --> 00:25:22,013
Nah.
547
00:25:23,448 --> 00:25:26,484
What kills me is I knew when to quit.
548
00:25:26,518 --> 00:25:29,220
I could have gone out on top.
549
00:25:29,254 --> 00:25:32,757
It's like Vegas. When
you hit it big, walk away.
550
00:25:32,791 --> 00:25:36,694
Don't stay at the fucking
table till it's all gone.
551
00:25:36,728 --> 00:25:38,996
The good news is you don't
actually have a gambling problem.
552
00:25:39,031 --> 00:25:40,164
- No, I do.
- Really?
553
00:25:40,198 --> 00:25:41,532
Kind of.
554
00:25:43,201 --> 00:25:46,537
There you are. We've been looking for you.
555
00:25:46,571 --> 00:25:47,605
What's that?
556
00:25:47,639 --> 00:25:49,540
It was for Zac Efron.
557
00:25:50,542 --> 00:25:53,644
What? Like he needs more fruit.
558
00:25:54,980 --> 00:25:56,180
He's out here.
559
00:25:56,214 --> 00:25:58,949
Hey.
560
00:25:58,984 --> 00:26:00,718
What's up?
561
00:26:00,752 --> 00:26:02,486
Bad news. No show tonight.
562
00:26:02,521 --> 00:26:04,121
What? Sorry.
563
00:26:04,156 --> 00:26:05,856
They're pre-empting us. We just heard.
564
00:26:05,891 --> 00:26:07,958
They're doing a special
on the devastation in Peru.
565
00:26:07,993 --> 00:26:10,661
Yes! Thank you, Peru.
566
00:26:13,632 --> 00:26:16,033
I have Carol here to see you.
567
00:26:16,068 --> 00:26:18,169
Okay.
568
00:26:22,741 --> 00:26:26,677
Oh! Uh, I didn't realize
you were... I can come back.
569
00:26:26,712 --> 00:26:29,513
Stay. I'll be done in 22 seconds.
570
00:26:29,548 --> 00:26:31,482
All right.
571
00:26:32,651 --> 00:26:33,884
Hand me a towel.
572
00:26:36,054 --> 00:26:37,354
No! Not that one!
573
00:26:37,389 --> 00:26:38,789
In the bathroom.
574
00:26:41,526 --> 00:26:42,793
This one better?
575
00:26:46,932 --> 00:26:49,533
I, uh...
576
00:26:49,568 --> 00:26:52,403
I just wanted to apologize for Merc.
577
00:26:52,437 --> 00:26:53,671
Yeah. What the hell was that about?
578
00:26:53,705 --> 00:26:55,506
I know.
579
00:26:55,540 --> 00:27:00,411
I've never seen him like that
... well, not quite like that.
580
00:27:00,445 --> 00:27:02,813
- He's got issues.
- You think?
581
00:27:02,848 --> 00:27:06,717
I know he seemed like
a lunatic today, but...
582
00:27:06,752 --> 00:27:09,553
He's not a bad guy.
583
00:27:09,588 --> 00:27:14,859
He's just going through
a... really hard time and...
584
00:27:14,926 --> 00:27:16,761
And what?
585
00:27:16,795 --> 00:27:19,830
He makes me sad.
586
00:27:19,865 --> 00:27:21,766
Oh, Jesus.
587
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,234
Sorry.
588
00:27:23,268 --> 00:27:25,035
You okay?
589
00:27:26,671 --> 00:27:29,540
I'm fine, really.
590
00:27:32,277 --> 00:27:35,346
Oh. Thank you.
591
00:27:35,380 --> 00:27:37,448
So embarrassing.
592
00:27:37,482 --> 00:27:41,152
I... I never cry at work.
593
00:27:42,721 --> 00:27:43,954
Well, I'd hug you,
594
00:27:43,989 --> 00:27:47,558
but, uh, obviously, I'm all sweaty and...
595
00:27:48,794 --> 00:27:51,095
That's okay.
596
00:27:51,129 --> 00:27:53,130
I don't mind.
597
00:27:53,165 --> 00:27:54,965
Yeah. Okay.
598
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:56,667
Come here.
599
00:28:08,345 --> 00:28:12,668
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9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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