Original subtitles

-[snoring] -[clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[narrator] There was a time long ago before our own,

when ships had sails

and there were no such things as smartphones, microwave, ovens

or the device on which you are watching this...

It was a time when no ships were safe,

least of all the crafts of the Royal Post Office...

You think he's out there, Captain?

Out there and waiting for us...

the scurviest bloke to ever sail these seas...

Cap'n Herman! Sail ho!

That sailcloth! It's the "Cat O'Nine Tails".

He's coming... Cap'n Garfield!

[screaming]

[ominous music]

[screaming]

[narrator] The "Cat o' Nine Tails" roamed the seas,

plundering galleons, its captain feared by all...

The notorious scallywag carved himself quite a name

for preferring canned lasagna over gold...

Ah, lasagna...

And for his weapon of choice: custard pies!

As we say in the pirate business... "Custard-pied men tell no tales!"

Yo-ho-ho, me hearties! No quarter!

[growling]

[action music]

[yowling]

[sailor] Look. It's Cap'n Garfield's faithful sea dog.

[moaning in pain]

[yowling]

[screaming]

We've seized control of the ship, me Cap'n...

Trussed and tied as you ordered, Cap'n.

Good job, me buckos!

You know what dire fate awaits ye, don't ye?

-Please, Cap'n! -Be merciful!

Tongue!

[laughing]

[sobbing]

Cap'n Garfield, I beg of ye.

Spare me crew. And spare me your meringue.

What is it you want?

You know what I want.

Yes. Yes, I do.

Take my cargo! All the lasagna in the hold!

It was a story as old as time.

Whenever Captain Garfield boarded a craft, he left with its lasagna...

[Bruno] Captain Garfield triumphs again!

[Harry] He always does!

Thank you. Thank you, Captain Garfield, for sparing me.

Until next time. And there will be a next time, mate.

[whistling]

Thank you for saving us, Captain.

Cap'n Garfield is a scourge. I'm surprised he didn't double-cross you.

He may be a black-hearted pirate of the seas,

but he is a cat of honor.

Sometimes.

[giggling]

And after every successful act of piracy,

the Captain and his crew would celebrate with a rousing sea shanty.

[joyful music]

♪ We are pirates unsurpassed ♪

♪Jolly Roger flies high on our mast ♪

♪ We see a ship and we strike ♪

♪ We board and take what we like ♪

♪ We are men you can't defeat ♪

♪ So surrender when we meet ♪

♪ Hand over anything that's good to eat ♪

♪ Yo heave ho heave ho ♪

♪ Yo heave ho heave ho ♪

♪ Yo heave ho heave ho Yo heave ho heave ho ♪

♪ Yo heave ho heave ho Yo heave ho heave ho ♪

[all] To the attack! Show no mercy!

♪ Yo heave ho heave ho ♪

[narrator] That is how unmerry they were in the royal castle...

News of the latest plunder enraged the Queen,

who promptly summoned the Commodore

of one of her Royal flagships...

[Queen] The royal stocks of canned lasagna

are dwindling at an alarming rate, Commodore.

Shocking. Horrendous.

You must put an end to the Corsair's reign of terror, Commodore Nermal.

Seize the dread pirate Garfield and throw him in my dungeon.

I'm on the job, Queenie Baby.

I mean: Your commands shall be carried out to the fullest, Your Majesty.

"Queenie Baby?"

Before the sun had set that day,

Commodore Nermal was off in search of the blight known as Captain Garfield.

He sailed the high seas...

He sailed the low seas...

For days, Commodore Nermal got hopelessly lost

near either the North or South Pole.

[GPS] When you can, make a legal U-turn at the next iceberg.

I never should have bought one of these things.

Let us do this the easy way, mate.

Locate a ship bearing lasagna and we shall just follow it.

A wise move, Commodore.

A simple, obvious truth, my mate.

Find the lasagna... and you find the overweight orange pussycat.

Truer words were never spoken.

And so it was that the next day

on a familiar craft of the Royal Post Office...

Do you expect the pirate Garfield to board us again, Captain?

Let me put it this way...

Just thought I'd save time.

Cap'n Herman! Sail ho!

It's him again.

[ominous music]

I believe we all know how this works.

[laughing]

Thank ye, men. You're savin' us all a heap o' time.

Okay, just give me the lasagna and I'll be on my way.

[Nermal] Not so fast, ye thieving rapscallion!

I be Commodore Nermal, captain of the Beauty Queen

and cutest kitten in the whole wide kingdom!

Guards, seize them handsomely!

[groaning]

[action music]

[screaming]

[screaming]

Hey! Be careful with that thing, matey. It just might be a sword.

[laughing]

'Tis way easier than I thought! And now...

Me Commodore, ye have something on yer nose.

I do?

It be spoilin' your appearance, it be, it be.

Really? Would ye hold that for me?

I don't see any blemishes...

My sword! You tricked me!

[laughing]

I'll hoist ye over the yardarm, ye orange-bellied sluggard!

[screaming]

[narrator] Oblivious to the dueling pair,

a one-eyed evil was scrutinizing their every move,

waiting for the right time to strike...

Maneuver towards the ship!

These two fools are so wrapped up in their catfight,

they won't even notice us!

[mocking sound]

A mouse! A mouse!

[action music continues]

[cackling]

[shouting]

Come back here, ye stinking rose smelling blaggard!

[screaming]

[suspenseful music]

In the heat of battle, Captain Garfield and Commodore Nermal were taken aback

as another ship collided with that of the Royal Postal Office.

[grunting]

Mackookoo?

We meet again.

What be ye doing here, ye two-faced vulture?

[cawing]

Doing what we do best, Cap'n Garfield.

Stealing what was briefly yours!

[laughing]

Men!

-Arr! -Arr!

[grunting]

Pirates just love to say "arr."

Unhand me!

Hey! Find yerself another ship to plunder! I was here first!

Shut up. You don't need these fools.

Join me and together, we shall rule the seven seas!

Mmmm. Let me consider yer offer for a moment.

Nope. I'd rather be marooned on a desert island

with basic cable and no pizza delivery.

Funny you should mention that.

[ominous music]

Fair winds, you two!

[laughing]

I vow I'll reclaim me ship

and me hearties from yer evil parrot clutches, Mackookoo!

[Odie yowling]

Well... It could be a lot worse.

It doesn't get much worse

than being marooned on a desert island with ye on it!

That's right. I'm with him.

Hey, Mackookoo! Come back!

How about feeding me to the sharks instead?

[intriguing music]

'Tis hardly the time to be writing yer memoirs!

I'm writing a letter to tell her Royal Highness

that vile, unkempt pirates have stranded me on a desert island

with naught but an old wooden bucket and you!

Addled fool!

We're thousands of leagues from the Royal Palace!

There's no way that bottle will reach its destination!

[intriguing music]

[soft music]

[cooing]

Goodness gracious! It's an urgent message for The Queen!

Change of plans, guys! We're flying back to England!

[narrator] Meanwhile, back at the Royal Palace,

the Queen was growing a tad impatient...

[groaning]

Beans! Again?

I shan't eat another can of beans!

I'm afraid, we've run out of lasagna, your majesty.

Listen! I can make you a nice quiche. Maybe a yummy order of...

A message from Commodore Nermal, your Highness.

"Captured by pirates?"

"Stranded on a desert island"?

This is flat-out intolerable!

Here. Crumple this for me.

It has been crumpled, your highness.

I shall take the matter into my own royal hands!

Ready my royal vessel.

And pack a few swimming suits.

Caribbean, here I come!

[intriguing music]

[gasping]

[Garfield snoring]

This tree is dripping a sticky white liquid. It's revolting.

Whatever it is, it can't be as revolting as being stranded here with you.

[gasping]

Captain Garfield! We're not alone.

I wish I was.

No, no. There's someone else on this island.

Your imagination is running away with you, Commodore Nermal.

There's no one else.

[both gasping]

[suspenseful music]

[screaming]

[teeth chattering]

[screaming]

[upbeat music]

Subtitling: ECLAIR