Original subtitles

[theme song]

♪ Whenever there's a crime or trouble ♪

♪ That no one can solve at all it seems ♪

♪ That's when they come and on the double ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ It might be day or night whenever ♪

♪ Conditions are right for them to flee ♪

♪ Somehow it all still fits together ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ If there's a full moon ♪

♪ An old house with rotten stairs ♪

♪ Just wook awound you ♪

♪ Chances are we'll be there ♪

♪ Someday I'll eat that darn canary ♪

♪ And then I'll be happy yes sirree ♪

♪ But Hector thinks you should be wary ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ The chase goes on with each new mission ♪

♪ With backdrops aplenty globally ♪

♪ And through it all they're in contention ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety ♪

♪ Mysteries ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hey, cut it out, puddy.

Let me hold ya and I will.

[Granny snoring]

[snores]

[smacking]

(Sylvester) Come back here!

crash

Phew! Puddy's got the eye of the tiger today. Ohh!

[growls]

[instrumental music]

[slurps] Ahh!

crash

[groans]

Puddy doed it.

[chuckles] Out like a light.

- Uh-oh. - And the flag is up.

screech

You're wasting your time.

crash

[pants] Aw, come on!

You know you'll never weally catch me.

Says you.

Well, all I know is that you can't eat me.

Huh? And why do you say that?

Because, puddy, if you ever get wid of me

then we don't have a show.

- What? - After all, I am the star.

Oh, yeah?

chomp chomp

That star could have used some salt.

Mmm..

and this kitty could use a little nappy.

[yawns]

[belches] Mmm.

Tastes like chicken.

[chimes]

[yawns]

I must have dozed off a bit.

Oh, why even bother with cooking?

It's pizza tonight.

Maybe my little Tweety bird would like some anchovies?

Yes, I'd like a large anchovy-and-onion pizza with..

[gasps] Tweety!

(boy #1) 'You mean the world-famous Warner Bros. cartoon character?'

Oh, my heavens! Tweety!

Where are you? Tweety pie.

This time he's gone too far.

Where is that cat?

'Of course. Where else?'

Sylvester, where is Tweety?

[belches] Mmm.

Tastes like corn.

How could you do that to my Tweety bird?

Sylvester, this time, you've really crossed the line.

I don't like the sound of that.

This is Granny.

"Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries."

I'm sorry to report we've had a J-9.

[indistinct chatter]

Yes, I was afraid of that.

That's it. We've been canceled.

Huh?

[upbeat music]

(female #1) 'So what's the big deal?'

'Look, these things happen in this business.'

'Kids blink. Cats eat birds.'

[telephone rings] 'Hold on. I've got a call.'

We've notified the local affiliates

and prorated the ad time. The bird's a huge loss.

His TV Qis higher than Alan Alda's.

Old news. Personally I always thought

the show was too geriatric. No teen appeal.

Anyhow, it'll all be forgotten by sweeps.

We can absorb the cost because I completely over budgeted

every other show.. I think.

And since finishing this series would show a profit

we can just use a new bird. Nobody will ever notice.

(male announcer) 'Bold headlines trumpet the news to the people.'

'Hollywood's elite vie for the coveted role.'

Like, uh, I thought I saw a puddy tat, daddy-o.

Too old.

- Next. - Next.

"Hector. Sylvester."

'Oh, wait, hee-hee. I-I could do that better.'

'Hector! Sylvester!'

And there's granny now!

[excited chatter]

screech

[siren blares]

- There's the killer! - Bird hater!

Mr. Special!

Sorry, no autographs, please.

Granny! Hector, baby!

Let's just shoot this episode and get on with it.

There's so much positive energy on this set.

Why waste any of it? Meet your new costar.

[all gasp]

(female #2) 'Come on, kids.'

It's time for Tweety and Sylvester cartoons.

(both) It's the best show in the world!

Come back here, you budget lunch.

[children scream]

Ooh!

[children gasp]

What's with this fake Tweety? Where's the real Tweety?

I'm sending my husband down there.

'He's a drill-press operator and loves his cartoons.'

[indistinct chatter]

(operator) 'Yes, ma'am, we know. We're sorry.'

(all) Tweety!

(all) Tweety!

[speaking in foreign language]

(all) Tweety!

(all) Tweety!

It doesn't affect anybody but flyover country folk.

'The show did big numbers in New York and LA.'

'I'll talk to you when I return from my vacation.'

You know how to whistle, don't ya?

You just put your lips together and blow.

Sheesh, do I miss Tweety!

I could go for a nice little yellow snack right now.

[slurps]

(male #1) 'Hey, cat.'

'Cause of what you did, there's no good cartoons to watch.

Yeah, but what about this, eh?

What's a guy to do?

Aw, shove off, yardbirds.

I ain't no p-p-p-pigeon.

You only talk tough with your door locked.

Oh, yeah? Says you.

(guard) 'Stand clear! Exercise time!'

[buzzer]

I don't want to play.

People are angry.

They want fewer taxes and the real Tweety Bird!

[bell rings]

(mal #3) 'Gentlemen..'

[alarms blare]

The loss of Tweety Bird is a significant jolt

to the entertainment sector and today's stock dive's

indicative of the bird's worth to investors.

It's going to have global repercussions.

You know, I'm not even sure if the TV works.

[mumbles]

I know. That new Tweety is just awful.

(male #2) 'We have no choice but to accelerate our military growth.'

Our nation teeters on the brink of economic disaster

with the loss of..

[chokes up] Tweety Bird.

Now, this little lady will brief you

as to the problem specifics.

Sylvester the cat finally ate Tweety Pie.

No Tweety Bird means no TV show.

No TV show means no character-generated

retail merchandising to be sold

to the public at 4000 times cost.

Any questions?

No Tweety, no profits.

[clamoring]

(female reporter) 'And so tonight, here and across the world'

the human race comes together

putting aside both petty and generational differences

in an outpouring of love for a timeless cartoon character.

With a growing call for justice to be served

'to the devourer of Tweety, Sylvester the cat.'

[siren wailing]

Wait'll I get my hands on that cat.

I could use a new seat cushion.

[dogs bark]

[sirens blare]

rumble

This cat comes in pretty handy...underground.

[spits]

Yeah, and it tastes like topsoil.

You and me are partners.

Whoops! Aah!

[siren blares]

There's my new seat cushion!

There's that villain now!

[clamoring]

- Boy, I'd hate to be you. - Whaa!

swoosh

clang

Hey. Hey! You're stretching my seat cushion.

[mumbling]

I've always wanted to do this.

Aah!

[sputters]

Hey, what gives?

[gasps] Tweety!

You're alive!

Ha! Gotcha right where I want you.

Don't do it, puddy.

I love you, buddy.

You're the best.

See why cartoons are so special.

Anything can happen.

[theme music]