All language subtitles for Slice 2018 hoetinkhof79

hoetinkof79

I'm gonna tell you a story

about a ghost, a werewolf,

and if we're being honest, a pretty shitty pizza place.

It all started when the werewolf came back to town.

Fucker!

Relax! It's Perfect Pizza Base.

What the hell time is...

...as activist Justice 40,000 protested outside

a local pizza restaurant...

Pizza!

Sons of bitches! Said you'd be here.

Ah, Kingfisher!

The most American of cities!

Bustling industry, hardworking people,

boundless opportunities.

But being home to one of America's largest

ghost populations isn't easy.

Ghosts!

But, thanks to Mayor Tracy's

beautification of Kingfisher Project,

we've turned this city around.

Though we haven't had a werewolf,

witch or demon in years,

the mass grave at the former

site of Halcyon Days Asylum

left us with over 40,000 ghosts here in Kingfisher.

In a masterstroke of brilliance,

Mayor Tracy moved the ghosts

into their own neighborhood

just west of town.

Fifteen city blocks

of abandoned homes and businesses

became Ghost Town.

While the mass grave itself was paved over

and turned into Halcyon Square Shopping Center.

Now that's beautification!

So this year, when you go to the polls,

remember to vote Mayor Tracy.

Kingfisher truly is a great place to be alive.

I'm Mayor Tracy

and I approve this message.

Ladies and gentlemen,

tragedy befell one of our citizens last night.

With no provocation and no warning,

one of our society's most vulnerable members,

a pizza delivery boy, was murdered in cold blood

while making a routine delivery

in the Ghost Town neighborhood.

The young man's name was Sean Hammerschmidt.

Now police detectives have been working

through the night and have collected evidence,

that they are confident will bring the perpetrator

or perpetrators to justice.

Now this is a tragedy not only for Kingfisher

and its various fast food concerns,

but also for hopes of improved relations

between the living and the dead.

Now this may bring up for some memories of past incidents

and to those who are concerned,

I say, "Don't be an alarmist."

Now, if you happen to spot

the ghost of Sean Hammerschmidt,

please contact local police immediately

as he may be able to shed light on who killed him.

You have all brought this upon yourselves

by spurning the sins of the past.

Halcyon Days have come to an end

and penance will be paid!

This will go down in the history books,

you mark my words!

Oh...

- Hey!

Oh, hey, hey! Yeah, I was just getting some exteriors.

I thought you could, you know,

probably use them in your report.

Mmm. You just get here?

Yeah. Yeah.

Anything interesting, or...

- A pizza guy was murdered.

What... Wait, really?

Yeah. They're making a pretty big thing of it.

Sort of implying it was ghosts.

Man, I hate ghosts.

Jackson, your mom is a ghost.

Oh great, yeah, perfect. Bring that up.

There was this moment in there

where this crazy lady started shouting

about how the city was paying a penance

and how we brought this on ourselves.

It was so bizarre.

What the fuck does that have to do with pizza?

I don't know.

Anyway, breakfast?

- Yeah. If you're buying.

And I says to him, "You don't change the diapers,

"the least you can do is buy 'em."

And you know what he said to me?

He said, "You don't change the oil in the Chevy Cavalier,

"but I don't ask you to buy 10W30, do 1?"

And I said, "No."

But that's not the same thing.

Those two things don't even equivocate at all, do they?

Yeah, your guy sucks.

He used to bully me in high school

so I always knew he would be a bad father.

You need to watch out for those children.

Well, he always liked you.

No, he didn't. He signed my yearbook and wrote,

"I never liked you. Don't forget it." I never did.

Well, it's just like, here I am

carrying the miracle of human life,

your seed in my womanly womb,

and you can't even buy diapers for the previous miracle of life

that I myself ushered into this world?

What's a six letter word for impregnable?

Oh, God, don't even say

the word "pregnant" right now, Astrid.

- I didn't. - And it's just like,

I'm so scared for the babies too.

What with this awful murder and everything.

Don't do that. I don't... She's right here.

Can you all stop whispering?

Oh, Astrid, I'm so sorry.

I can see you're just sitting here strong.

I didn't mean to bring anything up.

- Bring what up? - Oh damn.

Um...

You know, Sean and the murder.

Oh, my God. I'm such a big dumb idiot.

- Baby, it's all over the news.

...in the killing of 24-year-old Sean Hammerschmidit,

murdered late last night

in the Ghost Town neighborhood.

Police are saying they cannot confirm

or deny ghost involvement.

Whoa, whoa! What was that about?

Geez.

Ah, he's a pizza boy all right.

How'd you figure that?

Well, sir, I, uh,

I deduced it on account of his uniform

and that light on top of his car.

That's outstanding.

I'll be sure to pin that on my refrigerator at home.

Is there any other notable police work

you'd like to share with me?

- Well... - Shut the fuck up.

I guarantee this junkie loser is a pusher.

This ain't the work of no ghost.

- The plot thickens. - Shut the fuck up.

Murder weapon been determined?

It's a blade of some kind.

Oh, is that right?

Come on, lay off, Marsh.

I won't know anymore until we get him back to the morgue.

Let me make sure I got this straight.

This poor sonofabitch has been lying here dead

for the last eight hours and so far,

this crack team of wizbangs has been able to determine

that he is in fact a pizza boy

and that his throat was slit with a blade of some kind.

I have ulcers, Davis.

I shit blood. Do you know what it's like to shit blood?

Well, I did have a fissure in my ass once...

All right, I don't want to hear about your ass, Davis.

You started it.

Detective Marsh!

What the hell is it, Bradley?

Davis here is telling me

a compelling story about his asshole.

Sir, I'm very interested by that,

but you're going to want to see this.

Cheese.

Nice work, Bradley.

Shut the fuck up.

All right, Jackie boy. Here we go.

Time to separate the men from the boys.

Hey! Hey, guys!

We think that since Sean is...

- You know. - Dead!

Right. Since Sean is dead,

we think we should have the day off.

Uh... Well, I appreciate your fearless feedback there,

uh, but no can do, okay?

We gotta keep this crazy train on the rails.

Where my boys at, right? Where my peeps?

- Look, Jack, we're scared. - To death!

Whoa! Heather!

That's disrespectful. Sean is dead.

He's right. Sean is dead.

And I don't think I can deliver 'za under these conditions.

I think your making me do so

is a violation of my human rights.

What about you, big man? This your doing?

It's true that there is danger

in remaining open for business.

When the unholy ground upon which we stand

will doom us to the bowels of hell.

Oh, God, come on, man! You want me to close down?

You want me to shut up Perfect Pizza Base?

That's not an option, guys. It's just not.

Okay, fine. Take the day.

I won't let them get away with this.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we stand on hallowed ground,

for it is here

that the 40,000 victims of Halcyon Days Asylum

found their final resting place.

It is here that the greater part

of Kingfisher's ghost population originated.

Souls risen from an unjust death

and an unholy burial.

Now inhabited by an even greater evil,

that is capitalism.

What she says is true.

Our souls are bound to this place

by the transgressions of the past

by the unease of our corporeal remains.

Until these wrongs have been righted,

we will forever be stuck in a cycle of damnation.

I get it. The asylum,

the experimental torture, the mass graves.

That's shitty, right?

But we've been here for three years, okay?

We're an institution. It's our time now.

Well, let me tell you something.

Mayor Tracy,

- tear down this abomination. - Yes.

Excavate and properly bury those who died here

and perhaps you'll save

your perfect pizza boys.

Justice.

Justice for the 40,000!

- Yes!

That was great, Vera! Just great.

Ms. Marcus? Sadie Sheridan, Kingfisher Chronicle.

Can I ask you a few questions?

- You're a journalist? - Yeah.

I don't give credence to the corporate media machine.

Ms. Marcus, you're simultaneously doing

philanthropy for the ghost population

and accusing them of conspiracy and murder.

I'm not accusing them of anything.

You heard the mayor.

"Spectral involvement", he said.

Yeah, but that was speculation.

The possibility of spectral involvement.

You seem to be very sure.

Are you talking mess about me?

Now you leave Ms. Vera alone, little missy

and you stop talking mess.

I'm not talking mess,

I'm trying to get to the bottom of your message.

Get.

- I'm sorry? - Get!

Uh, hey, Sadie. Hey, what's going on?

Just going to...

You're taking too many cards.

Just take, like, one.

- We're closed.

Hey! Astrid.

- Jack, what's going on? - It was a mutiny.

Everyone left me, except for Joe here.

So, here we are.

Get 'em on the phone, Jacko.

We're opening up.

- Hey, guys!

What's the deal, Jack?

I was at my much older girlfriend Shelly's house

and she's pissed.

- Astrid's back. - That drug addict?

Oh, shit!

Astrid, my bitch!

All right, pussies. Mourning is over,

so y'all better suit up because we are back in business.

We're not doing this, Jack.

Shit, I am. It'll be like old times.

Scooter! Where's the solidarity, man?

We're supposed to be doing this for Sean.

Um, Heather, I know for a fact

that you've never given a tuppenny fuck about Sean,

or his well-being,

so why don't you just save us all

this little moral conundrum routine

and do your fucking job.

Yeah. Okay.

I love this team! I love it!

Relax, Liz. It's Perfect Pizza.

They've opened back up.

All right, Sean.

Where were you going?

Sir, I know you're upset, okay, but...

Okay, yeah, but "60 minutes or less,"

that's just a thing - we don't actually mean that.

Refund? Uh, no.

Well, the joke's on you because my mother's dead.

Sonofabitch! Been had!

- What do you mean? - By Astrid.

She came in here all gung ho about reopening this place.

Now I'm getting calls left and right.

No one's getting their pies.

Looks like we'd better close it up.

No, we're not closing it up, okay?

- We have Scooter.

We're gonna be fine.

- You know how to drive?

Hey, speak of the devil. My man!

- And he shall appear! - Yeah.

Hey, Shooter, let me ask you a question.

You see Astrid out there?

'Cause she left about an hour and a half ago,

hasn't delivered a single pie.

You don't think...

No. No.

I'm sure she's good. She's a street broad,

tempered in raw shit.

Yeah. Just like me. From the streets.

I eat concrete and I piss steel.

Yeah. Listen, Jack, uh,

this last pie gets dropped off

pretty close to my much older girlfriend Shelley's house.

Think I can wrap it up after?

Because you know I won't wrap it up during!

- Hah! Yeah!

Hey, you shouldn't talk about ladies like that.

But yeah, totally, call it a night.

All right! Peace, bitches!

Scooter.

You must beware of the evils

that live in the hearts of men.

Evils as old as time.

Evils that can steal from our essence.

Making us weak, reckless, and negligent.

Uh, listen, Joe, I was just playing.

I always wear a rubber.

No, Scooter. It is you who must listen.

You forgot this order

of Dave's Dangerously Delicious Dipping Sticks.

Wow.

Thanks, Joe.

I almost lost my essence for a second there.

I Yeah, comin' in heavy shit

I Yeah, comin' in heavy shit

Yo! I haven't seen you around here in a minute.

Listen, Astrid,

things have changed since you've been around.

- This dude's really dangerous. - He's dangerous, how?

You short him, you're dead.

You blow the count, you're dead.

You look at him cross ways, you're dead.

So which one did Sean do?

Come and get it, low lives!

What's it gonna be, beauty queen?

Sean Hammerschmidt.

Sean Hammerschmidt!

The fuck you say to me?

- You heard me.

I don't know who the fuck you think you are,

or who you imagine yourself to be talking to,

but, um, this ain't that.

But you killed him.

Listen, I ain't in the junkie, lowlife disposal business,

no matter what you've been lead to believe, okay?

That's just not my bag.

Oh!

Fuck you, doll.

- Cops! Scatter.

Drop the weapon.

Hey, not so fast, Mr. Cheese.

Hey, hey, hey!

Cheese-eating sonofabitch, how you been?

Met a friend of yours.

What is everyone's fetish with this fucking guy, man?

Hey.

Let's talk.

How long had Hammerschmidt been pushing for you?

Listen,

are you going to do anything about that little filly

who just tried to decapitate me?

This guy had your stuff in his car when he died.

Lots of people have my stuff. That's the point.

If I was the only asshole with my stuff,

then I'd be some kind of asshole.

That's right.

And you're not just some kind of asshole,

are you, Cheese?

I mean, you're a pretty exceptional asshole.

A preternatural asshole.

Mmm. This is abusive.

I know all about your little scheme.

You got your delivery mules under your thumb,

pushing smack for you and it is a good racket.

You know, I don't give two squirts of piss

what goes on over there in Ghost Town.

A lot of booing and hooing, fuck all,

but I gotta a boy from Kingfisher whacked

because of your bullshit.

And, um, Mayor Tracy giving press conferences

saying he's going to hand down justice, so...

We got a problem.

You and me.

So...

Come on, Cheese.

Yeah.

- I know the dude. - That's the spirit.

But I swear, I had nothin' to do with the killing.

Okay. Tell me who did.

Shelly, it's the Shooter.

I'm making some deliveries in your neighborhood.

Can I swing by after for some of that sweet sauce?

Perfect!

A few years ago, some similar shit happened

to a, uh, series of Chinese food guys.

They'd take out their delivery

and when they reached their destination,

they'd wind up dead.

- Yeah, you mean, Yummy Yummy.

Ah, so you know it.

Then you know about the werewolf.

I know he's long gone.

Ah!

Might want to check up on that, Detective.

Some say he's back.

Now...

I'd say that's pretty funny timing, wouldn't you?

Yeah, pretty funny.

What the hell is he doing back here now?

Folks ran him off years ago for doing the same thing.

Maybe he's on a mission.

Maybe he didn't like being ran out.

Maybe he wants vengeance.

Relax, it's Perfect Pizza!

Find the wolf, you'll find your killer.

Steve, we've got a fresh one.

Another pizza boy.

Ghost lady says that she saw a moped fleeing the scene.

So am I free to go?

We got you at a drug dealer play date with an as-of-yet

undetermined amount of narcotics. So...

No chance.

We have 187 in Ghost Town.

Victim is a pizza boy.

Issuing an APB for a possible suspect,

Dax Lycander, armed and, well...

He's a, uh, werewolf.

Copy that, we're about two blocks away

heading over now. Over.

Yo, guys, I'm sorry. The whip was on the fritz.

I couldn't make the deliveries.

This is unacceptable.

You are wrecking the reputation of this place!

You're a real asshole, Astrid!

Yeah, whatever. My bad.

I gotta charge you for those pies.

Are you serious?

- l have six bucks. - What else?

A gelato card. Needs more punches.

Okay, yeah. I'll take that.

And so it appears that the horrors visited upon

a Chinese restaurant years ago

in Halcyon Square Commerce Center

have returned to menace

a new generation of fast food employees.

But what, beyond geography,

is the connection between the two series of murders?

To what do they owe their fates?

And what of the emerging suspects?

The city's ghosts

and an accused werewolf long forgotten.

- How do they fit?

Only time will bring the answer,

and unfortunately,

time is so far been unkind

to Halcyon Square and its legacy.

Got to get your areolas just right.

- Hey! Hey! - Sonofabitch!

Jesus, Vera. What the hell are you doing here?

I'm sorry, Mayor. They just barged in.

Hey!

I'm here to talk about Halcyon Square, Tracy,

like always.

One of the damned ghosts

killed another pizza boy last night.

I'm aware.

If we don't demolish that place soon,

who knows what the ghosts are liable to do.

They'll kill again!

And that is blood on your hands, Tracy!

Can you excuse us, please, Felicia?

Of course.

That was pretty good, Vera.

Not so bad yourself.

Debbie...

Whoa! Yes!

Support for Justice 40,000 is at an all-time high.

Ah! These pizza boys getting murdered

is bringing it to a fever pitch.

Oh, this is good, Vera. This is very good.

So, uh... So what's next? What's the play?

More tv.

We need people to keep thinking about these murders,

to keep building support for demolition.

Ah, well, now Vera,

my public position is anti-demolition.

You know, I can't be too hot in favor of the cause

or I could lose constituents.

I mean, Halcyon Square is huge potential development

for the chamber of commerce.

What are you saying?

You like that money, Tracy?

Oh, you know I do, Vera.

Get on the god-damned tube

and play the violin for these pizza boys.

Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you

that the tragedy that befell

pizza boy Sean Hammerschmidt

befell another of his brethren

during the wee hours of the morning.

Thomas "Scooter" Martinez

was making a delivery in the Ghost Town neighborhood

when he was slain in a similar fashion

to the previous killing.

I have no choice

but to place certain sanctions upon Ghost Town

and the ghosts of Kingfisher

until someone is brought to justice.

I am banning hauntings altogether.

I'm sorry, but my hand has been forced.

They didn't even say why they think it's ghosts.

- So fucking lost.

- Maybe I can help. - We're closed.

On account of all of our people being murdered.

Who the fuck are you?

Sadie Sheridan, I'm with the Kingfisher Chronicle.

Oh, hell no. No motherfucking journalist up in here.

Actually, cool it. We could use the press.

Hi, um, I think I probably overstated things.

I said, "All of our people are getting murdered."

It's just two.

I'd really like to talk to you guys

for a piece I'm working on about these crimes

and maybe in exchange, I can show you what I've got.

I just can't tell you

what it means to all of us over there

across the big divide

to have living people standing up for us all.

We're not so different.

We've all got to die sometime, right?

Yeah...

Well, thank you for stopping by.

Exhausting!

Before long, no one in the community

will be able to reasonably support

that damned strip mall.

Ah!

Our latest inductee.

Welcome. Do you have good news for us?

So I plugged in the address and was blown away

when it showed this store is in the exact same place.

What did I tell you?

I always knew this place had an exotic foreign feel to it.

So it's not just a coincidence.

Detectives aren't allowed to believe in coincidence.

Investigative journalists either.

So anyway, I kept reading about it,

assuming that unless it's a copycat,

we might have the same perpetrator.

And as it turns out,

the police never got their man in the last case.

Oh! So it is a coincidence.

- No. - So then who was it?

Well, in this case, they suspected an employee.

A delivery driver

who kept getting spotted at the murder scenes.

What's more is he was a werewolf.

What happened to him?

No one knows. Disappeared. No one ever saw him again.

- Until last night.

At the, uh, Scooter Martinez murder scene.

A suspect fitting the description

of one Dax Lycander was spotted fleeing the scene.

I caught it on the police scanner.

Sonofabitch!

My biggest question in regards to him is,

- why? - Well, he's a werewolf.

Right? Aren't...

Like, werewolves, they're, like, vicious.

They eat people.

I cannot believe what I'm hearing.

Astrid, that is a stereotype, okay?

So you gotta put a dollar in the stereotype jar.

Honestly, I don't even care why.

Because if he killed Scooter,

then I can guaran-damn-tee that he killed Sean.

Looks like I'm going on a wolf hunt tonight.

This blasphemous ground

is the source of much malignity.

Yeah, Bradley, I should have seen this coming.

You know, I worked that Yummy Yummy thing years back

and the damned wolf was our best suspect.

God, I hate werewolves.

Scum of the earth.

Why werewolves? Because they're so scary?

A werewolf killed my... my dad.

Yeah.

Yeah. I was just... I was just a boy.

How'd he do it?

Was it with his fangs and his claws and all that?

Hit him with a car.

Oh, my God.

Intentionally?

No, no...

It was an accident.

My father was a crossing guard with a taste for booze.

That was his downfall.

Sir, that's him.

Don't just sit there.

Let's catch that sonofabitch!

Dax, what are you doing?

Bradley! Get back here! He's a wolf!

What are we thinking on, uh, on motive?

Well, he's a thousand years old, Steve.

He's probably very bored.

We've got a witness that places you

at the Scooter Martinez murder scene.

And there ain't nothing you can do about that.

Think you're smart, don't you?

No, um, I'm attractive.

I'm very muscular.

Muscles for days, boss.

Shut the fuck up, Bradley.

How many of your guys died at Yummy Yummy?

- Six. - Six.

They were my friends. I looked after them.

Got a funny way of showing it.

I looked after you, too.

That is rich. You hear that, Bradley?

- He's a hero.

Listen, Steve... Can I call you Steve?

Detective Marsh.

All right. Listen, Steven,

all you have a grudge

and grudges don't hold up in court.

Whatever you think,

truth is, the cat you're looking for

is still out there somewhere murdering people.

And as long as you keep your eyes

squarely off the fucking ball and on me,

more people are gonna continue to die.

And I don't think you're gonna feel good about that.

I don't think your boss is gonna feel good about that.

I don't think the good people of Kingfisher will either.

Fact still remains, I may have let them down,

but I didn't kill them.

I'm not a hero.

I'm a fucking rascal.

You know, you like to sit there and be a wise-ass.

Cracking foxy.

What kind of werewolf are you?

Why don't you just grow fangs

and murder your way out of here, huh?

Come on, man. There ain't no full moon.

What's wrong with you guys?

If I was a werewolf, where would I be?

Why would you do it, wolf man?

Psst! Astrid.

Sean?

Oh, my God, come here.

I was looking for your killer, babe.

I was trying to avenge your ass.

Oh, how's that been going?

Hey, what's going on?

What are you doing with these creeps?

Mmm. Mainlining dopey stuff.

- What? - Chilling!

/ don't want to jump to conclusions,

but I've heard rumors

that one of the Yummy Yummy employees

is a werewolf.

You're still doing this shit?

I thought you were done with that.

Mmm.

Come on, babe. Let's get the fuck out of here.

Mmm...

I'm going to take a hard pass on that.

I'm good. And, uh...

You can't always try and save me.

You can't save me from this.

Jackson, I need anything you have from that day at the rally,

the weirdos.

Should have fucking known, right?

You're not gonna change, Sean.

Know what?

You're better off dead!

Astrid, uh... Look out.

Holy shit.

Did I die?

Yeah, I think you did.

Ah, shit! That fucking sucks!

The deed is done.

Well, I guess now we know it's him.

What do you mean "now"?

Hasn't it been obvious? You meat-headed shit sack.

You know what, Detective Marsh?

I have put up with a lot,

but you are not going to talk to me like that again.

I am an officer of the law and I deserve some respect!

Bradley, when we get back to precinct,

you're going to be on desk.

What?

Fugitive escaped under your watch.

It's protocol until IA can figure out what really happened.

I'm sorry.

I suppose you noticed he broke the pattern.

There's no delivery being made here.

We've lost another young person

to senseless violence.

A young woman, no less.

No way.

To be the bearer of bad news is one thing,

but to feel as though one is the Grim Reaper

- is quite another.

Having spoken with police about the matter,

it is no longer reasonable to conclude

that this is the work of a ghost conspiracy.

I apologize

for having made that mistake in early days

and I will take care to not do so again.

Thank you.

Steve,

someone here to see you about the pizza thing.

Yeah, who is it?

Somebody from the Chronicle.

- A journalist? - Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Yeah, send him in.

Hi, Detective.

I'm Sadie Sheridan with the Kingfisher Chronicle.

I have some information about the pizza delivery murders

that I thought might be helpful to your case.

So you've solved the crimes?

Yeah, sort of.

And we need to stop them, right now.

Who done it?

Well, I assume you're looking at the wolf man,

Dax Lycander, but it's not him.

Wrong.

- Wrong. - Well, just listen.

No, you listen.

That wolf escaped Central Holding.

An hour later, we had another body.

You had him? And he escaped?

Well, how did he escape?

It's neither here nor there. It's, um...

It's impertinent to the facts.

I have good reason to suspect

this is a lot bigger than one motive-less werewolf.

He's got a motive.

Oh, there's a motive, all right.

- What's that? - Well...

He's very bored, for starters.

This...

This is motive.

They've been trying to get

Halcyon Square demolished for years.

Scaring the shit out of people

and giving them something to rally around

is a brilliant method of getting...

That's Vera Marcus.

Yeah.

That's Debra Saluski.

I haven't looked at the whole roster, but yeah.

That's five card-carrying cat ladies in need of a hobby.

It's not a criminal conspiracy.

I think that's incredibly reductive

and not very helpful at all.

Well... Thank you for dropping by, Ms, uh...

- Sheridan. - Ms. Sheridan, but, uh...

As you can see, I'm actually quite busy

trying to catch a serial-killing werewolf.

- So if you would excuse me. - Yeah.

Thanks for your time. I guess.

Oh, and Ms. Sheridan...

All of this was off the record.

I better not see any of it in some paper somewhere.

Yeah. I'm getting that a lot lately.

Jack! What... What going on?

Uh... Hey, Heather. Just hanging loose.

Prostrated by the agonies of the damned.

Why is the store closed?

You don't know?

God, you really don't know.

Hate to be the one to break this to you

because I know that you and Astrid were so tight.

But, uh, she's dead.

Yeah, just like the Shooter and Seany.

Oh, my God!

I can't... I can't believe it.

Well, you'd better believe it, sister.

Looks like your best course of action

is to head right out that door and never come back.

Old Jackie boy and this pizza place are totally cursed.

Joe can stay because he's as dead as a door nail.

- No one cares about you.

You're probably right. Oh, um...

I was gonna say, since I'm here, I think...

I think I left something in the basement.

The spooky basement?

What the hell were you doing down there, you idiot?

Um, it was a circuit... Caught fire.

Yeah, so anyway, I think I left something.

Do you mind if I go get it?

- Be my guest. - Okay.

What the hell is this?

It's a classic kidnapping.

Okay, I gathered that.

Uh, do you know who I am?

- Yeah. - And you're not scared?

Bummer, but cool.

So you're a reporter, right?

Cut the shit, man. What do you want?

- Just chill.

I suppose you know the police think

that I'm the one going around

doing all this murdering business.

- Truth is... - You're not.

But what they want to do

is connect me to the murders with the...

Yummy Yummy Chinese Cuisine. Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

Crazy thing, a little information for you.

I know who's doing it

and they're working with...

Vera Marcus and Justice 40,000!

God damn it! Can I speak? I've just...

- Why do you even know that? - It's my job.

Vera Marcus stirs up a fear machine

to rally people against ghosts

in an attempt to look benevolent,

when really, she wants to destroy the strip mall

for her own motives, as yet undetermined.

- Yes. I know that. - Mmm-hmm.

I know that as well.

So technically, we're both right,

right now about that.

So what the hell am I here for?

Because I need you to put that stuff in the newspaper,

so that the police can get off my nuts

so that I can go back to living a normal life.

I'm working on it, man, but kidnapping me

isn't exactly conducive to me getting work done.

It's dramatic, though.

Yeah. I'm gonna go, if you don't mind.

Wait, uh... Uh, are you gonna help me?

No offense here, but you are a werewolf, right?

Why don't you, I don't know, take care of Vera?

You want me to murder someone.

Yeah. I guess I do.

I'm not that kind of werewolf.

Right. What kind of werewolf are you?

The kind of werewolf that

wants to deliver quality Chinese food

at affordable prices.

That's quality Chinese food.

Affordable prices.

I just want to be like everyone else.

I love how proud you are of your body.

Jesus, Veral Why are you here?

Okay, it's late and I am very busy.

Vera, what's with killing a girl?

I thought we said enough was enough.

I've had it, okay?

You can have your money back.

Partnership terminated.

The rest of the money's already deposited though,

so that's... You'll just have to let that go.

I don't want the damn money.

It was your loyalty that was important.

Your utility.

And now you're neither loyal nor useful.

Well, sorry, but there's political savvy

and then there's just madness,

and you are clearly moving toward the latter.

And what am I to do now?

My biggest political ally has tossed me to the wind.

This is detrimental to the divine plan of things.

Well, I don't know what to tell you,

but the Lord works in mysterious ways.

- Is that so?

It is what they say, now could you just get out of my office?

Is it the Lord working in mysterious ways, Tracy,

or...

Is it the Devil

working in obvious ways?

What?

Think about it.

Santa and God? Same person.

‘Cause once you get older, they both fuck you.

- Big time.

Oh, no, no, no!

Not you again, okay?

Last time you came in here, you asked a million questions

and you didn't order a damn thing.

Let me take a moment to educate you

about the Perfect Pizza Base menu.

I appreciate that but I actually have some

pressing questions that don't pertain to your menu.

Oh, really? Well, I got a scoop for you.

Put pineapple on the Papa Pepperoni, you get a Mrs. Jones!

Jack, a killer has been targeting your store.

What's the secret of our jumbo slice? It's just two slices.

They've been targeting it for years.

It's this place. We need to investigate this.

I run a legitimate business, okay?

There's nothing evil about this place.

It is this place

that is the source of the evil we face!

The legacy of terror beyond Perfect Pizza,

or Yummy Yummy or even Halcyon Days.

A time-woven and enduring bequest of bloodshed

that has emanated from beneath the floorboards,

or the footings or the gnome.

These have not been coincidences,

but the birthright of every institution

that would make such malevolent dregs its home.

Joe! I'm trying to make a sale over here, okay?

Zip it with all that mystic voodoo shit.

That's exactly what I'm talking about!

That's why we have to investigate this place.

I didn't even hear a word he said.

That shit is real! It's beneath the floorboards.

You want to go beneath the floorboards,

- it's gonna cost you. - Yes.

Yeah, uh... I don't know, guys.

It's, uh, pretty spooky down there.

Like, very spooky.

Ugh! What's that smell?

Sulfur.

Gross.

No!

Oh. T-shirts! I told you they were down here.

What? No.

You go.

Fine.

All right. What's the big idea?

Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my basement?

Your basement? Who do you think you are?

Uh, I'm the guy who pays rent on this place

and I don't remember hiring a creepy old dude

to hang out next to my furnace.

Well, I'm Carl,

asylum janitor and gatekeeper to Hell.

Oh, asylum janitor. He's a ghost.

- Wait. Gatekeeper to what? - Hell. Gatekeeper to Hell.

And what do you mean "ghost"? I...

Oh! Oh!

Sonofabitch! I am a ghost.

Can we divert our attention back to the fact

that this is a gateway to Hell?

Wait, so you're telling me that my pizza place

is built on a gateway to Hell?

I've been saying that.

What? Never. You never said that.

Well, if it's on this lot, then yeah,

your pizza place is a gateway to Hell.

Congrats! You know, there really aren't that many.

Here, Arizona.

There are a bunch of them in Florida.

Heather. What about Heather?

Heather? Oh! Yeah, I know Heather.

She, uh, she dropped by, you know,

said she was trying to access Hell

and I says, uh, "Come by the next full moon."

"I'm your man.

"Carl."

Why is she trying to go to Hell?

Oh, I don't know.

Something about making a slave army of ghosts.

Spooky business, you know, run of the mill, Hell stuff.

World domination. End times.

Good God.

No, no, no. Just Satan.

Okay, Tracy. Look alive!

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

I hope this message finds you well.

- Today I have no news

of a young person's death to share.

For that we can all be grateful.

Today, I do need to share with you, though,

the truth about my own wrongdoing.

Now, for the past month or so,

I have been in cahoots with a certain

- local organization...

Ladies and gentlemen,

- this man is a fraud!

Justice 40,000 is the group to which I am referring.

For years this man has stood on this very stage

and spouted anti-ghost rhetoric,

sanctioning Ghost Town,

and most recently,

accusing the ghosts of a murderous conspiracy.

Now I apologized for that.

But you may notice something strange.

Something different.

about your anti-ghost mayor.

Can anyone venture to guess?

- He's a ghost!

Tracy is a ghost!

Okay, ladies and gentleman,

can we please just all move past the fact that I'm a ghost.

The punishment has only just begun, Tracy.

But she killed me!

- Also, she's a witch!

Mayhem sweeps through Kingfisher.

The news of Mayor Tracy

and Vera Marcus's dirty dealings

has set off a haunting spree

the likes of which the city has never seen.

The city's ghosts,

victims of the ongoing media conspiracy,

have taken to the streets,

terrorizing the living as they go about their business.

Meanwhile, a vigilante assassin has taken up the banner

of killing witches, managing to eliminate

half of the Justice 40,000 coven in a single night.

The remaining witches have gone underground.

Is law enforcement prepared

should Vera Marcus access

the portal to Hell she so covets?

Who knows what horrors may be unleashed?

As the full moon nears,

we wonder if the now-exonerated pacifist werewolf,

will use his supernatural talents

against the evil forces at work.

Only one thing is certain.

Kingfisher needs a hero.

- Boo! - Shit! God damn!

- What's wrong with you? - Calm down.

I'm just trying out a new thing.

You don't like it?

No, I don't like it. Who are you?

I'm one of your victims. You don't remember me?

No, I don't remember you ‘cause I don't have any victims.

- What are you doing here? - I know.

It was the fucking witches, I'm well aware.

- Right. - Yeah, so what's the story, bro?

I mean, this is something

you could have ended a long time ago.

Honestly, this is something

you should have ended a long time ago.

No one else was doing it.

The implication is that it's me.

‘Cause it's my job. Right...

Maybe I'm not so fast and loose with my morality.

Did you ever think about that?

And by morality, you mean letting people get killed

while you ride around on your fucking tricycle?

High-performance machine, maybe.

This isn't about us finding some fucking minions

and slaying them at their tea party.

This is Vera.

And she's into massive shit and we need to stop her.

We?

Yes, we. Who the fuck else? Me and you.

Mmm, no thank you.

What the fuck kind of werewolf are you?

The kind of werewolf that knows how to quit

when he's ahead.

I deliver fucking Chinese food.

And?

Look, the point is, I spent my whole life

people trying to make me a hero or a villain.

And I've realized at this point, I'm neither.

And as far as I'm concerned, my name is cleared.

So, if this is your mission, do you.

Okay.

Hey!

- Sadie. - Yeah. What? Uh, hey.

You okay?

Yeah. I just had fucking ghosts

haunting my apartment all night.

What's going on?

No doubt, yeah. Um...

Well, listen. You know, Uh...

You know the sports guy, Donald?

No.

Well, um, he was murdered.

And they just wanted me to ask you

if you wouldn't mind covering sports beat

until we, uh, find a new guy.

- Sports? - Mmm-hmm.

A whole city in chaos,

which, by the way, is the very reason the sports guys is dead

and you want me to cover, what, a football game?

Well, hey, okay, listen, don't shoot the messenger, okay?

It's just, it's a big readership thing.

And plus, I think it's a basketball game.

I have more important things to write about.

Living-dead relations, witchcraft, werewolfery.

Oh, we got the pros up here. They're handling that.

Sadie. Sadie.

Well, wave your goodbyes, Joe.

We barely knew ye, Perfect Pizza Base.

We had some good times, didn't we?

Before the staff murders, before we found out

you were a direct line to the Dark Lord Satan.

Jack, we must not leave the portal unattended.

We must be watchful guardians of this terrible place.

I can't afford it, Joe. Okay, look, you know,

us living people gotta do

a little thing called paying taxes, okay?

So, let's pack up our shit and get out of here.

Plus, doesn't Carl the janitor do that?

Jack, you must believe me.

We are the only hope for the community

and the world at large!

Congratulations. You got me.

You did it, you got the big bad wolf.

Relax, Dax, I'm... I'm not gonna arrest you.

No, I, um, I never got to thank you

for what you did the other night in Ghost Town.

You know, my boss

has had it out for you since the beginning.

I can't change his mind.

Once some people get an idea in their head,

they just can't shake it.

Frankly, I still believe cats can speak English.

They just choose not to.

Clever sons of bitches.

The point I'm trying to make

is sometimes seeing is believing.

You've got power in this situation.

You can change this whole town's perception of you.

Or you can leave.

Either way, it's no skin off my cat.

- What did you say? - I think you heard me.

Trust you'll do the right thing.

The time is nigh, sisters.

We shall summon the Dark Lord Satan

back to the Earth from whence he fell.

I can feel it.

Can you feel it?

- Feel what... - I can.

Debbie, go check it out.

- Why me? - Damn it, Debbie, Do it.

Do this, Debbie.

Do that, Debbie.

I'm the best witch, Debbie.

...Debbie.

Wear more than two shirts a week, Debbie.

Who in the hell are you?

I'm Jack and I'm the owner of this establishment.

You're not taking me alive.

Jack, you must not do this.

My mind's made up.

No witches are going to access Hell on my watch.

- Jack, you don't understand. - You've been a good friend, Joe.

But damn you. Damn you, witches!

Damn you for taking delicious pizza

from the fine people of this town!

Holy f...

Well, that's one way to do it.

I don't get it. Why isn't it gone?

Damn you, Jack!

What?

What did I do?

Someone's done us a favor, Heather!

Oh!

You imbecile!

We're on the same side! Can't you see?

We're both agents of evil.

- Oh not me, sister.

I'm just a brokenhearted broad

on a mission for justice.

And you think you can handle the malevolence

of Hell all by yourself?

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Heather? Oh, you bitch!

Now, let's do away with this woman scorned.

So, you are real.

Where you been? I've been dying to kill you.

Every dog has its day,

but not today.

Yeah, Jackson. This is Sadie.

I've got a scoop and I want a fucking promotion.

Oh, thank God!

I was being held hostage by these crazy people,

- these witches, and... - Nice try.

- Yeah.

Godspeed, you Chinese food werewolf.

Sometimes villains hide in plain sight.

And sometimes our heroes are unlikely.

The events of the full moon

brought out the best and worst of Kingfisher.

A city brought to its knees by arbitrary divisions

and wayward ambition

ultimately saved from annihilation

by a ghost and a werewolf.

And a journalist.

I was just doing my job.

For Kingfisher Channel 4 News,

I'm Sadie Sheridan.

We'll be back in a moment.

From the ignominious

end of Perfect Pizza Base,

comes Jack's Perfect Pizza.

Hey! I'm Jack

and I want you to come on down... Mmm.

And eat a slice of Jack's Perfect Pizza.

That's right. We've got ourselves a brand-new place

and this time, it's not on the site

of an illegal burial ground.

Not to mention, a portal to the abyss!

That's right, we've moved from our old location,

which I definitely didn't burn down for tax purposes.

I'll tell you this right now,

I wouldn't want any other pizza

to be sliding out of this gaping wound in my neck,

except for Jack's Perfect Pizza.

The pies are hot, the workers are friendly,

and so far, zero employee murders.

- It's clean as a whistle!

And we never allow witches in.

Excuse me? I'm a witch.

Get out of here, witch!

- See?

So come on down to Jack's Perfect Pizza,

Kingfisher's new 'za!

Our pizza is to die for...

But we hope you won't!