Original subtitles

Previously on the Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...

Be a shame to deport 'em. Especially Vinod.

I found this drawing under his chair.

Look at how much that little guy loves it here.

They're all going to the Mills' Halloween party.

Which, I swear, Janice is throwing just to ruin my birthday.

- Jimbo, don't shoot him. - Ugh!

Ah!

This wouldn't have happened if your weird boy wasn't afraid of berries.

- You are not a good neighbor.

This is our first time, I want it to be special.

I'm thinking Phantom of the Opera.

Shut up and kiss me.

Bhanu, are you banging your dad?!

This is what happens when your Jesus is a cow.

So, Bhanu, after the Halloween incident, Stu blocked your texts.

You must've been really hurt by him.

I tried to clear that up, but funny enough, incest lingers.

I can't believe you still haven't apologized for that stunt you pulled.

What stunt?

Letting everyone think I was kissing Dad. Gross.

Ha, you could do a lot worse than Puppa.

But since he's already taken, you could do a lot better than Stu Mills.

Stu's more mature than you think.

Oh, silly, silly child.

Remember what Dad said. Just let me touch the stove.

Otherwise, I'll never learn.

He also said I could take money from your wallet anytime I want.

Fine. If you want to date Stu Mills, go ahead and date Stu Mills.

It's your life.

Great. Now can we stop talking about Stu Mills?

Calling Stu Mills.

Alexa, can it.

Canning it.

Twenty should be fine.

Kamal, something very disturbing

has come to light that affects this case.

I hear Janice Mills tried to flunk you out of school.

Must've made you mad.

That's cold, brother. Especially because we know your tender heart pined for her.

I didn't have a problem with Mrs. Mills.

I had a problem with Mr. Pradeep. He stuck his nose where it didn't belong.

Mrs. Mills? May I?

Mr. Pradeep, you may.

Oh, those composition books.

Don't get me started on their antiquated design.

Okay, I won't. What's up?

I've come to see you about Kamal's abysmal English grade.

Oh, okay. It looks like he's getting a... C.

The Indian F.

He must not be focusing in class. Is anything distracting him?

Hmm. Let me think.

He's usually very attentive.

- ♪ 'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight ♪ -

- ♪ Till tomorrow ♪ -

- ♪ I'll be holding you tight ♪ - Eww.

♪ And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be ♪

♪ Than here in my room ♪

♪ Dreaming about you and me ♪

Nope, nothing comes to mind.

- Then I guess he needs help. - I suppose Sudha will help with this?

No, this time, I will help him.

By finding someone else to help him.

Do you have a list of tutors?

Ask DeeAnn in the front office.

DeeAnn. Let me guess, that's spelled with two E's and two N's.

You've got it.

Mm!

- Hello, DeeAnn.

Do you have a list of tutors for my son?

Sure do. What kind are you looking for?

Asian.

I mean, what subject?

- Oh, sorry. English. - Uh-huh.

But still, Asian preferred.

Uh... Sorry, they're all booked.

Okay then. How about, and I ask this delicately,

any Jewish?

Here's the list. We have some smart white people, too.

First class.

So, Mahesh, why all of a sudden were you so eager to help Kamal?

Is it because he's troubled? Maybe dangerous?

Flame on.

No. I'd always left Kamal to Sudha.

I wanted to be more involved with him,

and grades were a problem I could fix.

He might have bigger problems now.

What are you talking about?

Your son is the prime suspect for burning down the Mills' house.

Preposterous. Kamal didn't do anything.

And when you hear the rest, his name will be as clear as my urine

when properly hydrated as per Ayurvedic principles.

Hm.

What? What's wrong? Was my tongue too aggressive?

No, no. It was perfect.

I just can't stop thinking about you making out with your dad.

But that never happened.

No, I know, but it's...

You know, it's like that lie, like, planted itself in my brain,

and now it's reality.

It's like Inception, but with incest.

Oh, so like, Incestion.

Dude, your word play. So perfect.

I love everything about you.

I love hanging with you,

I love kickin' it with you, I love chillin' with you.

I just... I can't look at your hot bod

without thinking about your dad all over it.

Okay, how do we get past this?

Maybe if you show me your boobs, I'll forget about your dad.

I don't think that'll help.

Oh, God, you have your dad's nipples, don't you?

Oh, come on!

I have the hairy toes of my grandmother.

But enough about genetics.

How did you manage to get past Incestion?

The key to having sex with my boyfriend was my little brother.

Bhanu! I didn't know Stu was an internet celebrity.

Check it out!

What is up, guys? $tunt$ here with my sickest stoont yet.

- Human Pogo Stick. -

What the hell? How did you find this?

Alexa suggested it.

Probably because we're always talking about Stu around her.

Here comes the sweet nasty!

Whoo!

Smash that like button!

$tunt$ out! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$!

- $tunt$! $tunt$! - There's more!

Want to see a compilation of $tunt$ skateboarding into walls?

You like this?

Risking his life for internet fame? What a patriot!

- I can't believe that's Stu. - It's not Stu.

It's $tunt$. Come on, $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$!

- Are you feeling it? - No.

S'up, slut?

Trevor? What are you doing here?

Wouldn't you like to know, hmm?

How do you even know where I live?

I know everything about you, Bhanu.

I know you're getting pills from Ohio.

I know you're working with Lexi. Yeah, that's right.

I know you're using her aunt's bakery truck.

I have all the evidence.

You put me out of business, and I'm here for payback.

Oh, yeah, I'm giving all of this to your parents,

and there's nothing you can do about it.

I kid, I kid.

Seriously, why are you here?

I'm an English tutor now.

Dealing knowledge.

You putting me out of business made me realize

there are more dummies than druggies.

Wow, that's so clever.

Easy dollars, girl.

OMG, what a beautifully average home you have.

Eat it, Trevor. And try not to steal anything.

First of all, Trevor, there's something you need to know.

I hate these things.

Awful design.

I think they're cool.

What's so cool about them?

Is it cool you have to bend it backwards to keep it from shutting on itself?

Or is it cool that for some sadistic reason

they've chosen not to perforate,

preventing you from ever tearing out a page

so you're stuck with your mistakes until the very end of time?

I could fill a hundred of these with my hatred of these.

So... Kamal?

He'll be down here soon.

Don't you worry, Mr. Pradeep, when I'm done with him,

learning will be his new addiction.

I'm gonna mainline grammar and literature right into his veins.

Do it, Trevor.

Open with confidence, close it like a boss.

Emigrate versus Immigrate.

I emigrated from the paradise of India

and immigrated to the butthole that is America.

Irregardless versus Regardless.

Irregardless is not a word,

regardless of the sellouts at Merriam-Webster.

Those spineless punks.

Come on, work those thumbs. Faster! Faster! Faster!

- Ah! - Cramp?

- Yes. - First-timers get those a lot.

Proper use of an exclamation point.

Never! It's a sign of weak writing!

Nice! Are you feeling that high?

Give! Me! More!

Easy, buddy, one dose at a time.

Trevor was a great influence on an impressionable young mind.

But he was about to teach me something, too.

I read Kamal's essays. They're great.

I had Mrs. Mills, and she never graded this hard.

It's almost like she has a personal vendetta.

But that doesn't make any sense.

Hm. Oh, it makes sense, Trevor.

Thank you. How much do I owe you?

First one's free. That's my policy.

Delightful boy.

Hold on.

You said you were gonna prove Kamal's innocence.

Yes, by exposing Janice's guilt in grading Kamal unfairly.

Uh-huh.

Knowing you as well as I now do... elaborate plan?

You betcha.

Yeah.

The idea came to me after the tutoring session.

Trevor had left his notebook behind.

And upon further inspection, he had received an A+ on an essay.

After an intense battle with the infernal design

of these medieval composition books,

I had the brilliant idea to copy Trevor's essay into Kamal's notebook.

It was such a clever, clever plan.

Kamal really lucked out having me as a father.

Eh, I wouldn't gloat.

Then Kamal, none the wiser,

would take Trevor's A+ essay to school and turn it in to Janice,

who would think Kamal wrote it.

As she reads the A+ work,

Janice would give it a bad grade and reveal her vendetta against our family.

Finally getting justice for our son.

In theory.

Mummi, I have been suspended for plagiarism.

What has your father done?

This may seem crazy, but do you think Puppa may have plagiarized in my name?

Sounds very cunning, like something I would do.

But it's more like your father to get caught. So yes, definitely.

Bhanu, let's circle back to how your little brother

affected your relationship with Stu.

As much as I was hot for Stu, I was not hot for $tunt$.

Why can't I find $tunt$ on YouTube?

He spells it with dollar signs.

Oh, there he is... with his head in a bull's ass.

I couldn't unsee that.

Oh, my God!

I wanted to re-see that.

Another reason why I love America.

Yeah. I saw your drawing.

What drawing?

I didn't draw that.

But I heart $tunt$.

You want to be my assistant, huh?

I just think I can help.

This is dangerous stuff, kid. Lighting your farts is no joke.

I make cool videos all the time.

Like what?

I once taped my mom's Samsung Galaxy to a street monkey

because I wanted to see India through his eyes.

- Show me the video. - The monkey ran away.

Legend has it, he still roams the streets of Ahmedabad,

giving people Wi-Fi hot spots.

Little man, big ideas. What else you got?

It's hard to top Human Chainsaw.

She is as beautiful as she is deadly.

She sure is. But my dad designs rockets,

so I was thinking Human Rocket!

All right. Sounds lit. One question. Are you as weird as your dork brother?

No, I'm the cool one.

Welcome to $tunt$ Worldwide.

So, go like this: $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$!

$tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$!

- Get free with it. - $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$!

Your little guy was thriving in America.

Vinod makes friends wherever he goes.

Just like his old man.

Okay, let's get back to your other son.

If we must.

Your story was supposed to clear Kamal, but Janice getting him suspended

seems like an even stronger motive to burn down the Mills' house.

But don't forget, Mahesh is who caused it.

I thought I'd get away with it,

but instead, we got sent to the Principal's office.

We're sorry to take up your time, Principal Danner.

Oh, this is the highlight of my day.

After this, I'm looking at four hours of pencil budgets.

Alice, this is an open-and-shut case.

Kamal plagiarized my former student's essay.

Uh-uh-uh, I plagiarized the essay in Kamal's handwriting.

Interesting. Bad dad.

No, good dad. Bad teacher.

Janice Mills is one of our finest educators.

And she's racist against our son.

Whoa, I don't even see color. To me, everyone's white.

It's no coincidence Kamal gets A's in every class except hers.

Maybe Kamal's bad at English.

I'm not saying that because he's Indian.

Diversity makes our school stronger.

An exchange student from Michigan made that.

Kamal excels in English. Trevor said so.

Trevor, the 11th grade drug dealer?

That proves our point.

Even on drugs, that boy knows that Kamal was robbed of an A. Huh?

Bottom line is, Mrs. Mills is morally bankrupt.

- And we demand for her immediate removal. - Mm-hmm.

Janice, are these accusations true?

I'm surprised you would even ask that

of a three-time Allegheny Hills High School Silver Apple Award winner.

S'up, Maggie. Can I get a hall pass, please?

I'm about to make you a believer.

Lexi, sweetheart, come in here.

It's okay, don't worry.

Just one question.

Have I ever treated anyone unfairly in my class?

I want full immunity.

Sure.

Human Rocket simulation was a success.

Only mild risk of brain damage.

Sweet. You ready for human trials?

I'd like to volunteer myself.

- Who are you talking to? - $tunt$. He gave me a walkie.

Stu, we need to talk. Can you come over?

No, sorry, I'm super-glued to a barrel.

Oh, Human Barrel's gonna be great!

Just leave my brother out of this.

But he's my protege, Vunt$.

- No, I don't want him to be Vunt$. - Why don't you want him to be Vunt$?

Yeah, why don't you want me to be Vunt$?

Because one day you might have a girlfriend

who might think you're funny and hot and cool,

and then Vunt$ comes along and makes her question everything.

Like, why did she get baptized for this immature doof?

Why would my future girlfriend get baptized?

Because she thought she was smarter than she was.

But her mom was right.

She touched the stove and she got burned.

$tunt$, two words: Human Stove.

Oh, two words back atcha: tight.

$tunt$! $tunt$!

$tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$! $tunt$!

$tunt$! $tunt$!

Lexi, given what I've told you, do you think Mrs. Mills

treated Kamal unfairly?

I still have full immunity?

For the next 20 seconds. Make it count.

Okay. I stole a laptop from the computer lab.

I bribed a ref at my lacrosse game.

And Mrs. Mills is definitely grading Kamal unfairly

because she gives me A's for work I copy off of him.

Finish up those exams.

- I knew it. - Mrs. Mills?

Janice, I think it's best you take the rest of the week off

while we consider your future here.

Meeting adjourned.

And as for you, Mr. Pradeep,

the next time you have an issue with one of our teachers,

maybe just shoot me an email instead of plagiarizing.

Copy that.

Uh, sorry. Poor choice of words.

As my family left Mrs. Mills to contemplate her future,

I was contemplating my own future with her son.

Hear ye, hear ye!

Prepare yourself for the flaming wonders of the Human Stove!

Oh. Stuve. Human Stuve.

Human Stuve!

Yo! Once I light up, I'll skateboard into this meat curtain

and cook a nice dinner for all my fans.

Even got some hot dogs on there for you vegans.

Let's go!

Hey, Willa, glad you made it. Where's Mo?

I forgot to tell him. Oops.

- I can text him for you. - Mm-mm.

Hurry up, dumpster boy, we're starving.

Quiet! $tunt$ needs to get in the zone.

Dear Lord, bless this $tunt. Make it the best $tunt ever.

Amen.

Let's zip it and rip it!

Ah!

Ew, his nuts!

Oh, it hurts to go up, it hurts to go down! Help!

- It's stuck! - Wait, I'll lube it up for you!

Go, Vinod! V-I-N-O-D! Vinod!

- Oh, it stings! - Look out for the lighter!

- Oh, my God! - Ah! Bhanu, do something!

Anyone, do something! I'm cooking the wrong meat!

This is lame. I don't wanna watch a guy die.

Let's just go to Burger King.

- Bhanu! Get it! - Ah!

- Ah!

Oh, shit! Hit it again! Ah!

Little $tunt$, you still there?

Stay safe, handsome.

Where are they going?

My mom can microwave you guys some hot dogs.

Yep, that was the man I loved.

Please be careful down there.

Don't worry. I may have my dad's nipples, but I have my mom's steady hands.

$tunt$, I blame myself.

I was trying to be a hero in front of Willa.

But I ended up a zero.

Ain't the first time I've been on fire, it won't be the last. Not your fault.

But I distracted you in front of a live audience.

Dude, seriously, don't sweat it.

You dreamed big. Getting burned doesn't mean you give up.

Hang on.

Vunt$, this is for you.

Tight!

I-I can't see anything!

Human Blind Boy!

- Whoa! - Oh!

I'm okay.

You, um... You really made a fan, $tunt$.

Yeah, about that, I'm thinking about hanging up the suit.

Once you cut my guys out of it.

The end of $tunt$?

Yeah, when I was on fire, all I could think about was you,

and all the stuff we haven't done yet.

You know, like sex and... apple picking.

Wait. When you were thinking about us apple picking,

was my dad there?

No.

Oh, shit! I've been cured of Incestion!

Yeah! So now we can finally...

go apple picking!

Yeah! But it's gonna be a minute before my boys are back in business.

Oh, right.

Look, I'll admit, I don't love $tunt$.

But it was sweet the way you handled Vinod.

It was very mature.

Yeah, I dig that little fucker.

I'm sorry about the whole incest thing. I realize I never apologized.

You just realized that?

You've matured a lot since then.

You have, too.

Are we really going to be deported? You know I can't leave this place.

Don't worry. It will all work out the way it should.

We just need to stick to our story.

And what story is that?

Hi, Lexi. Thank you for saving me with Principal Danner.

- I like to do the right thing. - You've been cheating off of me all year.

I'm a complicated woman.

Who gets straight A's.

Don't get too excited.

My dad would say I need any woman who understands me.

I know what you mean.

My old man loves to give me dating advice, too.

"Lexi, stop making out with my employees," blah, blah, blah. Dads.

Your dad's nosy.

Yeah.

So, you cleared Kamal's name and got Janice Mills into trouble.

She must have been pretty upset with you.

I was more concerned about Kamal's feelings.

Imagine being a teenager betrayed by a teacher you were obsessed with.

Sudha told me our son went to a dark place.

I'm sorry, but as your friend, do you want Kamal to go to jail

for burning down the Mills' house?

Because listening to you,

even I'm starting to think he burned down their house.

- I'm sorry.

I just don't think he burned down their house.

At some point, the suit ends and the man begins.

You don't understand.

Sudha said Kamal came to her looking for an explanation.

And she really helped him.

I don't know how to ask Puppa this,

but why did he go to such crazy lengths about my grade?

It's not about your grade.

He loves you and he wants to be a bigger part of your life.

It's funny. He's so brilliant, he can solve differential equations

about rockets all day long, and yet when it comes to you...

Puppa says I have many challenges.

Oh, I don't think he sees them as challenges anymore.

He sees them as everything that makes you special.

I do feel special.

Everyone feels that way about you.

Not Mrs. Mills.

I feel so burned by her.

And I really liked her.

That cocoa puff has her own issues.

Besides, your father only wanted to copy me. Me.

I say you only need Mummi.

Yes, Mummi.

French kiss?

As you know, the Pradeep French kiss is completely normal.

I once French kissed Jimbo.

It's nice you're so close.

Sudha, we know it was your husband's stupid plan

and you both wanted her gone, but according to our records,

Janice Mills was never fired for what she did to Kamal.

Wow, what an injustice! Must've burned you up inside.

Ignited a fiery rage.

You know that's never going to work, right?

Why didn't she get fired?

I have no idea.

Well, hello, neighbors.

I know we have our differences...

Why is Jimbo here? Easy, big guy.

No, I'm just here for moral support.

I know what I did was wrong.

Apology accepted. Good night.

Oh, please, wait.

I don't want to lose my job. I just let my emotions get away from me.

I have nothing against Kamal. He is a really sweet kid.

She says it all the time.

Then why were you punishing our son?

Because of how you talk about our son.

Saying he's not good enough for your daughter.

I don't say that.

Your wife does. All the time.

Calling him racist, calling him dumb.

You know what, I can't do this. You have my apology.

You have my pie.

I'm gonna need that dish back.

What was that all about?

You know how my wife got into teaching?

No, but I love a good backstory.

Stu. When he was growing up, everyone thought he was dumb.

He struggled in school. Turns out, he's dyslexic.

Janice started home-schooling him. She really helped him.

That's how she fell in love with teaching.

That's both loving and noble.

You know, you two aren't all that different.

You'd both do anything for your kids. She's a real mama bear.

And I'm a papa bear. Don't forget, the plagiarism was my idea.

Yeah, you might want to let that one go.

Janice is a good teacher. She just made a really bad mistake.

Enjoy the pie. Ten minutes at 350.

And Mahesh, I recommend you add a scoop of ice cream. Mango.

He remembered.

Are you sure that's what happened?

Word for word what went down.

Principal Danner told us Mahesh called her the next day

and asked her not to can Janice.

That is very interesting.

Well, Mahesh can be a real sweetie pie.

So, Mahesh, Kamal and Bhanu all like the Mills.

That makes Sudha the prime suspect.

But why would Sudha burn down the Mills' house?

Unless she wanted to get caught.

What did Sudha want most?

Revenge against the Mills.

No, her old life back in India.

Getting caught for this would get her deported.

Okay, so why not just confess right away?

She'd lose her whole family if she admitted to something this horrible.

But if she denies it and they're still deported,

she wins.

- Damn, she's good. - But we're better.

- Thanks for including me... - I have a hunch

we're still missing something big.

Tell your wife you're not coming home for dinner.

We are going to break Sudha Pradeep.

Cool!

I bet you've never tried it Indian Style.

I'd love to try it Indian Style.

Next on the Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...

My parents are gone all weekend, so we've got my bed, their bed...

Or if you're feeling kinky, my shower has a handrail in it.

Beats by Dre.

Rockets by Dre!

I'm not sacrificing my dreams.

The only woman who'd marry you is Mom.

- Are you sure that's what you saw? - Saw it as clear as day.

Stop, don't move! Ohio State Trooper!