All language subtitles for The.Pradeeps.of.Pittsburgh.S01E06

Previously,
on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...

Thanks for getting me that investor.

He invited us bow hunting.

- Scary berries!
- Jimbo, don't shoot him!

Ooh!

This wouldn't have happened if
your weird boy wasn't afraid of berries.

You know what?
You are not a good neighbor.

Did your moron son
give this to my daughter?

The girl needs guidance.
She isn't getting it at home.

- Excuse me?!
- Oh, shit.

Let me live my life, okay?

You make bad decisions.
You always have.

Maybe it is time to change.

Dunk me.

Halloween... birthday... incest.

Wow!

Wow! If what Janice said
is even close to the truth,

the Pradeeps are capable of
unspeakable depravity.

- Uh-huh.

Burning down the Mills' house
almost pales in comparison.

Mm-hmm.

Oh! There you two are.

Ma'am, this is our private office,
not the interrogation room.

Sorry. I just forgot to mention
that Mahesh and Sudha

also tried to kill everyone
at my Halloween party. Monsters.

- What?
- Okay, bye!

Kill everyone?
Should we have asked more about that?

Free lesson, rook. When you
hear something sensational,

you have to get
the other side of the story.

Let's talk to the Pradeeps.

How do we even begin to talk about...
this?

Ease into it. You talk to the kids
about "Halloween."

I'll talk to the parents about "Birthday."
Maybe one of us will get to the big "I."

This got NC-17 real quick.

Let's make this interesting.

First one to get there... wins.

All right.

So, Sudha, a little bird told me

your first birthday in America
was hard for you.

That's because in India,
October 31st is my birthday.

Here, it's Halloween.

Obesity's birthday.

So, your birthday has always
been a big deal to you.

I would say medium deal
because I'm a grown adult.

Mm.

But America had already
taken so much from me.

My career, my connection with my daughter,
then, it came for my birthday.

My neighborhood was decorated
like a horror film.

I wanted to throw myself
into one of those fake graves.

Really, Minerva?
You're going to Janice's too?

Well, tell me when your birthday is
so I can cancel two hours before,

but after you bought
a 64-ounce tub of guacamole.

Nobody's coming.

They're all going
to the Mills' Halloween party,

which I swear Janice is throwing
just to ruin my birthday.

- Cheer up, I made you chai.
- Oh, so nice.

If only America was full of Maheshes.

Instead, I'm forced to share my day
with this grotesque celebration

that demeans honorable vocations.
Sexy nurse?

I can assure you, there's nothing sexy
about wiping a paraplegic's bottom.

Kamal, put away your therapy clay.

Your mother is very upset.

That's new.

So, we're going to celebrate her birthday
all day long.

What about trick-or-treating?
This is our first Halloween.

The closest thing in India we had
was that weird old guy

giving out free lollies
at the train station.

You were supposed to give a donation,
you doba, he was blind.

- Oh.
- Mommy needs us.

We're all she has.

But Mo and Willa need me.
We're going as rock, paper, scissors.

I'm paper.

Ah.

- I bought a costume. I was hoping...
- Do not say the Mills' party.

It would kill your mother.
After she's killed you.

Bhanu, let's cut to the chase.

I know you and Stu had
some weird stuff planned for Halloween.

There was nothing weird.

Oh, that.

What can I say? We were young, dumb,
and full of completely kinky ideas.

Wait.

This is our first time,
and my very first time.

I want it to be special.

Taking you to the place where they

found a severed foot in a sneaker
isn't that special, huh?

I've been thinking about this
for awhile.

I did a Survey Monkey at school asking
other girls about their first times,

and their responses ranged
from "unremarkable"

to "he never stopped eating Doritos."

I want this to be special, too.
Do you want to do it in a bed?

I'm thinking bigger.
Phantom of the Opera.

- Thought you were gonna say waterbed.
- It's so good!

I wasn't allowed to see it,

so I had to watch this bootlegged
copy I stole from my Auntie's house.

It is like the most passionate love story
of all time.

Damn! We should watch it then.
On a waterbed!

Better-- we are going to live it.

The masks, the forbidden love,
the danger.

The music of the night.

Hot! That sounds like us.
I can't wait to be your Phantom.

- No.
- Hmm?

I'm gonna be the Phantom.
I want to feel the power of rescuing you.

- Then, who am I?
- Christine.

Baranski? She is The Good Fight.

- Christine from Phantom.
- You want me to play a chick?

- Is that too weird?
- No.

No, you got baptized for me,
I'll be your Christine.

- Okay.
- So, when are we hitting the opera?

Halloween night.

Perfect. My parents throw a rager.

I was gonna offload a bunch of Ohio merch.

My mom's book club alone
will clean us out.

Those bitches love to get high.

Okay. First, we score,
and then, we score.

We all have secrets.

Your sister had secret plans with Stu.

- Boring, baby.
- All right, baby, how 'bout this?

What secret are you guys keeping
from Halloween?

Maybe a naughty secret from your parents?

- What's your secret?
- I don't have secrets.

You said we all have secrets.

- I'm in charge here.
- Are you?

Okay, look, our parents weren't even home
for most of Halloween.

If they were, they could've saved us
from the horrors that happened.

Horrors?

Horrors.

- Our first trick-or-treaters!

Candy's the heart of Halloween.

I like that.

Happy Halloween! Ah!

Ah! Oh!

Trick-or-treat, dot-heads!
Eat me!

Out of my way, you stupid kids!

That your bully?

You should get revenge.
This is a hate crime.

Involving biological weapons.
Raw eggs are salmonella grenades!

I've tried to get through to him
with pacifism,

but even Gandhi would agree
that boy's a caca-faced punk!

While your kids were being terrorized,
what were you off doing

that was so important?

Wandering aimlessly
in a spiral of despair.

She got in a lot of steps that day.

Until I came across a killer
of my soul!

Oh, look, it's the birthday girl!

You know, Minerva just told me
what her costume is for my party.

Wanna know? She's dressing up as someone
not going to your party.

Oh, you. Okay, bye!

I decided to give myself a birthday gift.

Oopsie.

But that wasn't the only gift I got.

Surprise!

- Should we jump to the cake?

Wait, wait, wait. Let me savor this.

My beautiful family.
Out there's a hellscape,

but in here, you've reminded me
of everything I still have.

Well put. Let's cut this baby.

Aside from Vinod, who for some reason
is dressed like a dirty napkin,

I'm touched by how much you all love me.

Especially Kamal,
who clearly made this cake.

I'm your good boy.

It's okay. I knew you couldn't fit
the rest of our names.

I could, but I didn't.
Happy birthday, Mummy.

Jai Shri Krishna, my heart is full.

Our house was a blessed place
brimming with love.

Meanwhile, the Mills' house
was a cursed place,

brimming with tacky decorations
and tackier people.

Ladies and gentlemen, guys and ghouls,
please, welcome your hosts,

straight outta Congress,
The Social Justice Warriors!

- Woo!

Thank you all for coming
to our annual ghoula.

There's nothing scarier than socialism, right?

AOC can suck it!

I call these truth bombs.

Take that, Medicare For All.

Woo-hoo!

Wait. Why are we against healthcare again?

Oh, don't overthink it.
Just get me a drink.

Oh, my sweet Jesus who sits upon
a velvet throne in Heaven.

Are you wearing my wedding dress?!

Before you say anything,
this is just a costume, not every day.

Stu, just let me say one thing.

I always wanted a daughter to wear this.
I never had her.

But, luckily, I have a son
who wears it even better.

It does make my pecs pop, huh?

I'll be damned. You look
just like your mom on our wedding day.

If you said, "Stop looking
at my sister's boobs!"

I swear, I'd be right back at that altar.

Aunt Betsy is stacked, huh.

- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, DJ, what's going on?

Go fix the music.
I'm gonna go dance with sexy nurse.

Just sold a bunch to DJ.
Where's my Phantom?

Nice. I'll be there ASAP.
I mean, ASS-AP.

Oh, sweet. Here's a little candy
for your eyes.

Ready, everyone?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪

Mummy...

Okay, one more time.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- ♪ Hap... ♪

It sounds like they're having
technical difficulties over there.

Technical shmechnical.
They're trying to sabotage my birthday.

I'll go talk to them.
It's my gift to you.

- I might be awhile.
- You're not seeing Stu.

I'll take care of it.
The Mills have ruined our lives enough.

That's my hero.
You go get them, Mahesh.

So, this was the first time
you talked to Jimbo

since your ill-fated hunting trip.

Yes. I tried to avoid him
but I had to save my wife's birthday.

I love my wife more than anything.

Love makes you do crazy things,
doesn't it, Mahesh?

It was just supposed to be a conversation.
I didn't think it'd turn out like that!

Mahesh, what happened that night
had to happen.

It all happened so fast.

This ends now.

Here. Some miscreant
kicked over your scarecrow.

I've been trying to reach you, bud.

I hate how we left things
after that hunting trip.

Did you get that dancing hamster GIF
I sent?

I wouldn't know. I put your contact
on Do Not Disturb.

Didn't block me, though, huh?
There's still hope.

No hope. I'm here to ask you
to turn down the music.

Well, that's the thing.

Here's your problem.
The entire system is overloaded.

The DJ blew it out.
I think he's on drugs.

I can't feel my fingers!

Can you fix it?

Of course, I'm an engineer.
But I'm not doing this for you.

I'm doing this to save Sudha's birthday.

Tell her happy birthday from me.
What'd you get her?

A plaque that says "co-president."

Sounds like your rocket business
is coming along.

Mm, no, I'm about to lose
my Space-X contract

because I can't make the delivery.

Bummer. Anything I can do?

Yes. Get me pliers, a ladder
and a root beer, no ice.

WTF, your dad is here.
Where are you?

I know, sucks.
I'm still coming. XO Phantom.

Hot. XO Christine.

Ah!

Help me get revenge on my nemesis.

Sorry, I'm too busy
not wanting to do that.

You swore a blood oath.

Says who?

A red string, red string!

A string? What am I missing?

It's called a rakhi, and sister's
tie it onto their brother's wrists

- as a promise of protection.
- Oh.

What a lovely tradition.

Not really. It started out
as a patriarchal thing,

where sisters pretended
to bless their brothers,

but really, they begged
to be allowed back in the village

when they became widows.

So, you're mourning your dead husband

and your brother won't let you
back in the village?

Why protect that jerk?

Because he was 11 and he needed help
against a caca-faced punk.

Okay!

Meanwhile, I was dealing
with my own caca-faced punk.

Shh! What's your father still doing
over there?

The Monster Mahesh?

Good one, Mummy.

I'm going over to yank out
all the circuit breakers.

Didn't Mrs. Mills banish you
from their property?

Oh, you're right.
If she sees me, she'll call the police.

It hurts my heart knowing
my two favorite ladies don't get along.

It's not my fault, beta.

♪ My two favorite ladies
They don't get along ♪

It's good.

It was not good.
But my idea was brilliant.

I snuck into the Mills' party
dressed as the Phantom.

Oh, hi! Great costume.

I almost got caught by Janice,
but I didn't because she's an idiot.

Hold on. You're telling me
Sudha broke into the Mills' house

in disguise, just to save her birthday?

Maybe it wasn't about her birthday.
Maybe it was about this.

Dear Lord, the big "I."
I feel like I'm gonna lose this bet.

Oh. Oh, you're definitely gonna lose.
Tick-tock, rookie.

I gotta think more like her.

Boom! Uh-huh.

Where are Kamal and Bhanu?

I didn't want them seeing their
little brother dragged off in handcuffs.

Why would they see that?

Because you're not telling me everything,
Vinod.

Give me something good. Or else.

My sister stole a car
to help fight my bully.

Ooh, felony!

It was just my parents' car.

Family car, family affair.
Sounds risqué.

The drive was very risqué.

Hurry up, let's go.
We need more eggs for the bully.

Let's rock!

Punch it, Bhanu.

Boom! I know you stole a car.
Tell me everything!

Or else.

You got any games on your phone?

Boom! I know your sister stole a car.
Tell me everything! Or else.

That was all Bhanu and Vinod. But
it wasn't the only naughty thing they did.

What did they do? You can tell me.
This is their shame, not yours.

Vinod even got his friends involved.

Wow. So many children.

Now, I don't know if I want to win
that five dollars.

Incest, or no incest.

Bhanu led us down a dark path.

Grand theft eggs.

We are going to destroy that bully!

What are you doing?

Forgot my wallet, we have to steal it.

Vinod?

Ah, Mo and Willa. What a pleasure.

Hey, paper! College-ruled
looks good on you.

Yeah.

What happened to you?

I got egged.

Poor, sweet boy. By who?

A bully. Want to come get revenge?

Hell, yeah.

Hey, you kids! Not so fast, paper!

What've you got stuffed
under that costume?

- Just a very charming boy.
- Mm.

Shoplifting is a crime.

Right. We know that's a costume.
You're too hot to be a cop.

Thank you! But I am a cop.

And even if I weren't,
you'd still be stealing.

Excuse me. Has anyone ever told you
you look like a young Rani Mukherjee

with eyes you can get lost in for days?

No, not until right this second, handsome.

Here, you're free to go.
And you know what, here's my badge number.

- Call me.

Oh!

Kamal! Kamal! Kamal!

Kamal told you that? He's not that smooth.

He puked on her shoes
and she let us go.

But the real horror story
was happening at the Mills' house.

I feel bad that your business
is struggling.

I know I'm the last person
you want advice from, but hear me out.

What if you could build your rockets
for a whole lot cheaper?

When I rebuilt the Hemi on my truck,
I ordered bootleg parts online.

Pennies on the dollar.

Are you suggesting I buy
bootleg rocket parts on the Internet?

Pennies. On. The dollar.

Let me tell you how that email would go.

"Dear Unnamed Vendor
I Found On the Dark Web,

I have an urgent need to purchase
components for innocent space travel

that could easily be mistaken
as components

for weapons of mass destruction.
Please, accept my payment in Bitcoin,

and mail all parts
directly to my home address

where I will be awaiting my arrest
and execution.

Yours most sincerely,
Mahesh Pradeep, Brown Man in America."

When you put it like that,
it makes me feel like you don't like it.

While Mahesh was fixing the party,
I was looking to destroy it.

Circuit breaker, circuit breaker...

Bingo.

A/C, dishwasher, heater...

Where is the switch
to turn off the party?

Damn it!

Hello, Phantom.

Ooh!

Here comes Christine.

It was my birthday and
I was stuck in a basement

with a redneck in a wedding dress.
It couldn't get any worse.

S'up, sexy mama?
Come and give me some love.

I was wrong, it got worse.

Come here.

So much worse.

Oh, I get it. You're
making Christine work for it.

What gives, Bhanu?

My nightmare
was about to become his nightmare.

Oh, I get it. You're the Phantom,
the Phantom's in charge.

Mm-hmm.

I'm Christine. I'm an innocent virgin
who's down to pound.

Take me, Phantom, take me now.

Mm-mm.

You kidding me?
I shaved my pits for this.

I thought you finally wanted
to make sweet, sweet love.

Why'd you even get baptized?

To discover Stu made your daughter
get baptized,

just to have sex
on your birthday, of all days,

must've made you want to kill Stu
right then and there.

Why kill the fish
when you can poison the lake?

Is that an Indian proverb?

No.

I call that a Sudha-ism.

- Can I use it?
- No.

But with Stu, I didn't need Sudha-isms.
He did all the work, himself.

Do you even like me anymore?

This was getting better and better.

- You breaking up with me?
- It was too good to be true.

- There's someone else, isn't there?
- He was such a moron.

Could I be a Ninja?

He couldn't stay on topic
to save his life.

Can I get my flannels back?

You know what, I don't care.
Keep my flannels.

I got hotties lined up
around the block for me.

Today, at the Waffle House,
the waitress gave me extra syrup. So.

Phantom!

The Pradeep kids
were out in force that night.

with vengeance in our eyes
and eggs in our hands.

We were gonna get that bully good.

Let's do this!

♪ Dead I am the one
Exterminating son ♪

♪ Slipping through the trees
Strangling the breeze ♪

That was really mean!

You've taught me a lesson.
I'm gonna rethink my life.

Bhanu, my loyal sister, thank you
for honoring the sacred oath of the rakhi.

And Kamal, my peculiar brother, thank you
for risking salmonella to help me.

Group hug?

Kamal, you need to
take more showers.

Boom! I won the big "I."

You think a hug is incest?

I know it's desperate,
I just really need the win.

I'll give you something better. Incest.

Mahesh had no idea
Sudha had gone to the party.

Sudha, high off her victory over Stu
wanted to celebrate with a little S&M,

Sudha and Mahesh.

Ooh!

I'm sorry, madam, I'm taken.

So am I.

Sudha! Is that you?
What are you doing here?

Just shut up and kiss me.

- Holy hell!

Bhanu, are you banging your dad?!

Bhanu? What's he talking about?

And he was worried about going to jail
for online rocket parts.

Honestly, I wish I was more shocked.

This is what happens
when your Jesus is a cow.

- Oh, God. It's surging.

Don't touch any wires.
It's very dangerous.

Jimbo, they're ruining my party.

It's the Phantom's fault!

They vanished!

- What a rush!
- Why did you drag me out of there?

Now everyone thinks
I'm an incestuous pervert

who also does shoddy electrical work.

Which one are you more upset by?

I don't know. I've been an engineer
longer than I've been a father.

Bhanu and Stu are through,
thanks to me!

Sudha, you've gone way too far.

This is the best birthday gift.

I was so wrong. I love Halloween.

This is madness.

Bhanu's gonna clear it up
the second she sees Stu.

It doesn't matter. Every time
he even thinks of touching her,

he's gonna picture her kissing you!
How disgusting is that?

I've haunted him, Mahesh.
I've haunted him forever.

That's crazy, even for you.

I was desperate.
I tried everything to protect Bhanu.

Even .

Maybe it is crazy, but I don't want her
to get hurt by Stu.

What if he doesn't hurt her?

What if he does?
I could never forgive myself.

I love how much you want to protect her,
and I do, too.

But we have to let Bhanu
make her own mistakes.

Let her touch the stove
to learn that it's hot.

And that's the tale of incest.

Well, I guess the Pradeep parents weren't
the monsters Janice painted 'em out to be.

The kids, however,
are much bigger monsters than we thought.

You said the hug was nothing.

The hug never happened. They lied to you.

But I found some interesting Ring footage
from that night.

Ring footage? From where?

From that bully's house.

Whoa! Creepy.

Is that... Greg the garbage man?

Yep! And Greg's dropping a load.

Hey, Greg. Thanks for helping me.

Glad to. You know, these people suck.

They don't separate their recycling

and they throw out
an alarming number of dead pets.

Oh, no. I thought you'd be dressed
as someone from Star Trek.

Oh, I am. A little Trek trivia for you...

Mm-hmm.

The Michael Myers mask
is William Shatner.

- Oh.
- Yep.

Mr. Shat, himself.

Happy Halloween, little V.

Aye-aye, thanks, Greg.
Get ready, everyone!

We're in position.

Move those sweet chocolatey treats, Vinod!

Here he comes! Here he comes!

What... What's with all this garbage?

- Rock, paper, scissors...
- Shoot!

You missed!

Now, I'm gonna end you.

- Guess again!
- Oh, crap!

Mommy! Stop! Stop!
Okay, I'm allergic to egg whites!

It's why I've never been vaccinated!

That's for calling us names!

- Like cane boy!
- And three-peat!

And dot-heads!

Here's a lesson. It's called karma.

That's dot-head for "fuck you!"

Ohh!

Look at them.
They're like Children of the Corn.

That was hard to watch.
Fish-eye lenses make me woozy.

Those Pradeep kids
really have each other's backs.

You have no idea.
They're bound together by a magic string.

- Magic string?
- Yeah.

You need something to eat.
Get yourself a Snickers.

I'm just saying there's nothing
they wouldn't do to protect each other.

Wait a minute. Maybe egging the bully
was just a dry run for something bigger.

Like burning down the Mills' house.

Gosh, after getting to know the Pradeeps,
I really hope they're not guilty.

It'd be a shame to deport 'em.
Especially Vinod.

I found this drawing under his chair.

Look how much
that guy loves it here.

Cute. But don't let that
cloud your judgment.

A lot of psychopaths doodle.

Hitler. John Wayne Gacy. My ex.

Plus, I think Vinod is Linda Hunt
posing as an Indian boy.

Nothing else makes sense.

This is the best birthday
I could wish for.

And it's about to get better.

Sudha Pradeep,
co-president?

It's perfect!

Uh, hello? Why is my Phantom mask
on the floor?

Uh, because I... because it, um...
Help out your co-president.

Because I know you want to go out,
and you can.

- After cake.
- Really?

But, uh, Mahesh, no.

Let her touch the stove.
It's how she'll learn.

Happy Halloween!

Yes!

Finally free. It's on! Heart, peach.

Sloppy daddy seconds? Pass.

What??

Don't text me again. You're blocked.

- Try some cake, my love.
- Oh, Mahesh.

What have they done?

What have they done?

♪ My two favorite ladies ♪

♪ I love them very much ♪

♪ But my mother is my mother ♪

♪ And she feeds me
'Cause she's my mother ♪

Kamal, go to bed!

But take a shower first!

Next, on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...

I hear Janice Mills
tried to flunk you out of school.

Looks like he's getting a... C.

The Indian F.

I had Mrs. Mills,
she never graded this hard.

It's almost like she has
a personal vendetta.

I didn't know he was
an Internet celebrity.

Press that "like" button. Stu's out!

What a .

Stu! Stu! Stu!

If you want to date Stu Mills,
date Stu Mills.

- Aah!

Ew, his nuts!