Original subtitles

Previously on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...

My medical license was rejected.

Did you get the loan?

I have no funding. If I don't get some soon, we may have to move back to India.

I might be able to get you an investor.

Sudha, sweetie, can you pass me one of those brownies?

Someone must have dosed her.

You think I poisoned Janice?

I'm sick of you showboating with your fancy working legs

trying to steal my girl.

I'm not trying to steal Willa.

I've got my mom's prescription pad.

I saw you sneak out from the field trip,

where'd you sneak off to?

- I got pills in town. - I want in.

Tell us everything you know, Lexi.

Okay.

Lexi, tell me about your first drug deal with Bhanu and Stu.

Oh, you mean BhanStu.

BhanStu? Clever.

- Can I use it? - No.

x Anyway, we were waiting for my aunt's bakery truck

to come back from Ohio with its first shipment.

Okay, guys, when the truck comes in we need to divvy up the pills.

Lorazepam in the blue bags,

Klonopin in the red bags,

and Adderall in the bags with the little anime robot, sorry.

My brother's a nerd!

- Are you two even listening?

Down here, I got the outline of PA.

Keystone state.

I got, uh, Jesus fish,

for my savior in Christ,

and uh, 87,

for Sidney Crosby, my savior in hockey.

And now on my arm I've got 311.

'Cause, duh.

I didn't realize Pennsylvania was so "erectangular."

You're about to cross the Mason-Dixon line.

- I can't wait.

- She licked him? - With her eyes.

Okay, moving forward, let's recount stuff less graphically

- about BhanStu. - I said you couldn't use that.

Come on, that nickname's so useful.

Point is, Bhanu was really horny for Stu.

Even though he bailed on us when we had to divvy up the pills.

Why isn't Stu here?

Counting isn't his top skill.

What a catch.

But he has a good heart

and he's great at bird calls.

He taught me a few.

That's the song of the whip-poor-will.

That's a turtledove.

Everyone knows that's a chicken.

- Obvi. - I need some advice.

I wish my BFF Mallika was here.

She's always asleep every time I FaceTime her in India.

My best friend Jenny just moved to San Diego

and now she's dating some Navy guy.

Seems like we're both in the market for a friend.

I can be your white Mallika.

- And I'll be your brown Jenny. - Aw.

All right, white Mallika, I'm thinking about having sex with Stu.

- Obvi. - It'll be my first time.

Even more obvi.

How long does it take to get good at sex?

Ten thousand hours.

- I don't have that much time. - I'll give you a crash course.

- Okay. - My turn.

I need some advice...

I think my dad's having an affair,

and I don't know if I should tell my mom

because I'm afraid she'll start drinking again.

You know the great thing about Mallika

is she would just bottle this shit right up.

Oh.

We've heard a lot from the Pradeeps, now we want to get your side of the story.

I'm not gonna lie, their stories were very interesting.

So, the bar is very high.

Let's just get to it.

Do you think Sudha Pradeep burned down your house

because her daughter was dating your son?

I have so many reasons to believe Sudha burned down my house.

Don't forget, she also tried to poison me at book club.

She even stole my book club friends.

She was like Single White Female.

She's not single or white.

Makes you question the whole female part, doesn't it?

Honey bunny, I think you're getting a little off course.

I was willing to turn the other cheek, just like JC, praise Him,

until Sudha came for my Mitables business.

What are Mitables?

An all-natural supplement guaranteed to improve overall follicle growth

and bone strength.

I'll set you up.

I noticed you struggling to pick up your mug.

Oh. That's just because I have very oily fingers.

Mitables cures that too.

Anyway, I was at a Mitables meeting when it all happened.

It was at Minerva's house.

She was awarding the number one seller for that month.

The other gals held out hope, but I knew who'd win.

Which is why I brought Jimbo to celebrate.

And once again, shattering yet another sales record,

the Golden Mitamix goes to...

- Janice. - Ohh...

Oh, what a surprise? Dreams do come true.

This goes out to all the little girls out there that look just like me.

- You matter. - Yeah.

And of course, I have to say thank you

to the two smoking hotties I love the most,

Jesus and Jimbo!

Proud of you, Jan-Jan.

Looks like I'm gonna have to add an addition to your Mita-mantle.

I'm also legally required as Regional Mita-manager

to inform you that the paint is incredibly toxic.

I can confirm. I'm down to one functioning kidney.

But first, a toast.

To Janice, our inspiration and the prettiest of us all.

Did I do that right?

No. I gave you one job.

All right Mita-minions, don't forget to reload on your sales inventory.

You know what? Toss another box of Mitables on my pile.

Momma's gonna blow out this month, too.

That means Daddy's getting a new pair of shoes.

I need them, too. I stepped on a nail today.

- Oh, no.

Hello everyone. So sorry I'm late,

but I like to keep my time with you people to a minimum.

What's she doing here?

Sudha is my newest Mita-minion.

- Fun right? - So fun.

Can't wait to steal your crown, Janice.

Well, good luck, Sudha.

You know what they say. Dream big. Lose bigger.

No one says that.

That's because they lost.

I've got to say, I'm sort of surprised your wife would want to sell vitamins.

- Seems kind of beneath her. - It was. But she was bored.

She had binge-watched every episode of The Good Doctor

and at least Mitables was medical-adjacent.

Mitables sounds like a pyramid scheme.

Do they have those in India?

India's entire economy is run on scams.

Remember the Nigerian prince e-mail?

Written by an Indian.

Is India really like that?

That's why I started my business here.

Thank goodness for American rule of law

and friends like Jimbo Mills.

- It's open.

Hey, Mahesh, I got your message, what's up?

Ta-da!

Did you make this?

It's glorious.

A fruity thank you for working on getting me that investor.

It's really going to save my business.

It's not a done deal, but with this gift, the pressure is really on.

At least it's one thing that's going in the right direction.

I have so many other problems.

Do you know how hard it is to find support staff for a rocket factory?

No. But. I do know melons ain't even in season and you manage this.

If you can pull this off, you can pull off anything.

Your encouragement is as sweet as this cantaloupe.

To pulling it off together.

So your dad was in business with Jimbo.

Meanwhile, you were selling pills with Stu

and your mom was selling pills against Janice.

That's a lot of pills and a lot of Mills.

Things ever get messy?

- I wasn't selling pills. - Don't BS me.

We know about your little shipments from Ohio.

Freaking Lexi.

White Mallika, my ass.

Brown Mallika would never rat me out.

Lexi doesn't know anything.

You thought she knew enough about sex.

That's right. We know you sought out her expertise.

Hold it looser.

Are you sure I'm doing this right?

Pro tip. It's not in the grip, it's all in the hips.

This is chafing my hand.

If you do it a bunch, you'll eventually have calluses.

Forget it.

Is this all you know?

Yeah.

I'm a virgin too.

What?

You represented yourself otherwise.

I'm not ready for sex. Too much pressure to be perfect.

Oh, God, I can't screw up screwing Stu.

No, you cannot.

Lexi got all in my head that I had to be perfect at sex,

but the only thing I learned from her was how to get a center-palm blister.

- So what did you do? - Rubbed a little aloe on it.

You know what I mean.

It was a journey.

A very twisted journey.

What a very twisted journey.

But would competing with Janice over Mitables

piss off Sudha enough to burn down the Mills' house?

They're still not revealing everything.

Go squeeze the little one.

Oh, gee, if only.

He's so cute.

Vinod.

I know this is your first solo interrogation.

No, don't be nervous.

I'm nervous for you. Don't screw this up.

Did, um-- Did your mom ever argue with your dad about the Mills?

My life doesn't revolve around my parents.

I was too busy dealing with a steamy love triangle with Mo and Willa.

This is your friend with the canes

who accused you of stealing his stuttering girlfriend?

Canes and stuttering are not what define them.

What if I called you "Dark Suit"?

My wife says it's slimming.

Yeah, take it back to the store.

She lied to you.

Anyway, there was only one way to fix things with Mo.

A grand gesture to show him how much he meant to me.

And just how grand of a gesture was it?

Hella grand!

Get your mitts off me you perv.

Suck it, cane boy.

Help. Please. Anybody?

Hey, Mo. It's me. Your homeboy, Vinod.

- Hey. - What did you do to get in there?

I called him an assface.

Good for you.

But as Willa always says,

your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash.

Let me out.

Not until we clear the air.

I don't have any air.

I'm not trying to steal Willa. You're my best friend.

Big talk. Prove it.

I will.

By taking you for a ride in a Pittsburgh municipal garbage truck.

Don't make promises you can't keep.

Vinod Pradeep, promises he keeps.

Luckily, you could keep your promise

because of your odd yet innocent friendship with Greg the garbageman.

Garbage is not what defines him.

Greg has many layers.

He also speaks Klingon.

Hold on a sec.

There was garbage at the scene the night the Mills' house burned down.

You may have just implicated your main man, Greg.

Graa-jook! That's Klingon for,

"Oh, mamacita, what have I done?"

Tell us more about the Great Mitables War of suburban Pittsburgh.

Oh, Sudha didn't even stand a chance.

It was like David versus Goliath.

Except she was David, I was Goliath,

and this time Goliath wins because Goliath is the badass queen of Mitables.

Queen Goliath had some help.

Mitables brought to you by the beautiful Janice Mills.

Did I do that right?

Nope.

This is great for hair growth.

I promise within two weeks,

you're gonna look like you have a Pomeranian latched onto your head.

Oh, hey, Janice.

You're not the only one with an adorable mascot.

Mitables, Mitables, get your Mitables here.

Step right up for Mitables.

I'll give you this much, kid. You got skills.

All right, let's settle this once and for all, big boy.

I started off strong with some "round the world,"

but then Vinod took it to the ground.

Shorty got low.

My "peacock fan" was nothing compared to his "running man."

I rocked the baby. He rode the pony.

That's when I knew, I was in the presence of greatness.

- Kid!

Hey! How old are you, kid, do you got a work permit?

Oh, yes, officer, it's right here in my--

Hey!

Vinod whooped your husband's butt, but you were whooping Sudha's butt.

Do you believe she burned down your house

because you were beating her at the sales game?

I know how serious that game can be.

My mom was a sales rep for Mary Kay.

She never did get that pink Cadillac.

She was a lazy woman.

Things changed when Sudha landed the white whale.

Moby Dick?

Moby Greg, our garbageman.

He had 20 Mitamaniacs on his route and no one ever landed him.

Until her.

How?

She had a tiny little spy on the inside.

Her little spinner boy.

It's 5:00. Why are you home so late?

Greg and I were scouting the most beautiful trash route to take Mo on.

We also made a stop to buy itch cream.

Itch cream? For what?

Greg has a rash all over his back.

He calls it "pizza back."

As your mother, I have to ask,

why did you see his back?

Greg pulls his jumpsuit down when he pees on the side of the road.

I am his lookout.

Wait-- Wh-- What kind of rash?

Patchy and flaky.

Note to self. Create comic strip

about two cheeky dogs named patchy and flaky.

Back to Greg's rash.

He says it's ruining his life.

That's a tidbit Janice doesn't know.

Sounds like a job for Mitables

- and Dr. Sudha Pradeep. - Ehh.

Thank you for watching Greg pee by the side of the road.

Happy to pay it forward.

Bhanu, I know you were exploring the art of carnal pursuits.

You ever think about asking your mom?

Put it this way, I would rather ask you about the boom boom.

You know I don't always dress like this, right?

I got a date suit too.

I'm sure it's very beautiful.

Besides, at the time, my mom was hell-bent on selling

herbal supplements to our garbageman,

so I had to turn to the next most reliable source of sexual wisdom.

- Internet porn. - It's a valuable resource.

My initial searches were quite shocking.

Even borderline gross.

Straight-up acrobatic.

Legs aren't even supposed to do that.

But as I did my research,

I noticed something all the girls in the videos had that I didn't.

Full breasts, big lips, juicy butts.

You are a lousy feminist.

Your generation has such antiquated stereotypes.

We're trying our best, Toots.

Anyway, what stood out the most in all of those videos was...

Drum roll, please.

Hairlessness.

Ah...

I knew what I had to do.

Whoo. You are overdue for a visit.

We going full Brazil today?

What am I, a porn star? I'll stick with my usual.

One cross coming up.

You'll never guess who was in here earlier.

- Sudha's girl. - Bhanu?

Is that her name?

She used an alias. Bonnie Pradeep.

Maybe she said Bhanu and you just heard her wrong.

Well, she should just go by Bonnie and make everyone's life easier.

Why was she here?

Was she picking up Mitables for her mom?

Don't tell me Sudha's already sold out.

No, for a wax.

She was trying to tidy up down there for someone special.

Oh, God.

That someone special is my Stu.

Then I hate to tell you, but Bonnie went full Brazil.

- Son of a bitch!

Ooh, you shouldn't have jerked like that.

Your sweet little cross is now a sad little T-junction.

- Oh. - Yeah.

While Janice was getting cleaned up,

I was about to clean up too.

By harpooning the white whale.

Excuse me, hi, Greg.

My son Vinod told me about your tragic eczema.

He called it tragic?

I'm calling it tragic. He called it "pizza back."

Uh, yeah. It's like double pepperoni back there.

But have you tried Mitables?

Guaranteed to clear it up.

Nice try.

But, uh, I've heard that spiel before.

Uh, not from a doctor.

Well, in that case, triple hell, no.

I'm against doctors.

It's all a scam.

The FDA, big pharma. I say phooey!

I couldn't agree more.

I hate the medical system in this country.

They won't let me practice because I won't play by their rules.

Interesting. I'm listening.

These have actually been recalled by the FDA.

They don't want you to have them.

Nice.

Ah, I can barely sit. Minerva stripped me raw.

Been meaning to make an appointment for my neck, back and ears.

Don’t wanna end up like my grandad who's now just a hairball in slippers.

Sure, whatever.

Is something the matter?

That she-devil neighbor.

Is this about Sudha again?

No, her demon-spawn daughter.

We need to stop her from getting her claws into our Stu.

Would that really be so bad?

Yes. Very, very ,very bad.

Jan-Jan, remember how your dad didn't like me at first?

He was a Ford guy. I drove a Chevy.

And he hated your face.

But I grew into my face and your dad gave me a chance.

I think we should give the Pradeeps a chance too.

But this is different, Stu's my sweet baby boy.

He's my sweet baby boy too,

and Bhanu makes him happy, isn't that what we want for him?

But that whole family--

Is great.

You like having Kamal in your class and Mahesh is an unbridled delight.

I guess that little Vinod is pretty yummy too.

Mm-hm.

Wait! Jimbo, stop the car.

Oh, my-- What the fudge!

She's selling to Greg?

That's a lot of Mitables.

She pretended to harpoon Moby Greg,

cut his blubber with a sickle,

put it into a cauldron,

and stir with a giant stick to melt it.

What in the Sam Hill?

And then pour the melted blubber into an oil lamp

and light it to outshine me.

Me.

She didn't actually pantomime rendering whale blubber.

Stop exaggerating.

Sadly, I'm not. She was really great at it.

I can see that. Sudha's not hurting for pizzazz.

It was like she had some weird voodoo power over Greg.

I wouldn't put witchcraft past her one bit.

I was steamed she landed him.

Now, hear me out.

What if Sudha enlisted Greg

to help her burn down the Mills' house? That would explain the garbage.

- Not bad. - You like it?

What do you think of, uh, BhanStu?

I think you stole it from Lexi.

But I like your theory that Sudha didn't act alone.

Let's go talk to Moby Greg.

I'll bring the harpoon.

There's not much we can reveal, but what I can say is this.

There was an awful lot of trash found at the crime scene.

Can you tell us about that?

Am I a suspect?

You might have been a pawn in a feud between Sudha and Janice.

Oh, like how the Romulans used Kirk as a pawn against the Klingons

in Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country?

I think we've discovered enough.

Tell us about your relationship with the Pradeeps.

I was a hero to the little one.

He wanted to be just like me.

You're my hero, Greg.

I want to be just like you.

I need to take you to my ex's one day so you can tell her that.

Just have to be during prison visiting hours.

Count Big V in.

You know, my eczema ain't getting any better.

Think I'm gonna have to up the dosage.

This is awesome.

You're such a good friend.

Sorry I ever thought you were trying to steal Willa.

It's okay.

We're gonna be so cool when we arrive at school.

Too cool for school.

- No, just the perfect amount of cool.

I'm gonna blow. I ate too many Mitables.

Get out, Mo!

- Save yourself! - Ah! Ah!

- Do it! - Ah!

Oh, Greg really got me.

Garbage truck drop-off and dripping in puke.

This is too good.

Cover your ears, Vinod. I'm about to pop off on this jerk.

Excuse me?

Wait, Mo, remember.

Passive resistance is persistence.

Let's go, losers.

- You can be passive all you want

in your lockers.

Eat it, trash-truck puke-turds.

This is still the best morning of my life.

Thank you, Vinod.

You're welcome, Mo.

I'm glad we're friends again.

Hello, boys.

How come I wasn't invited on your little trash ride?

What is this, huh? Bros before hoes?

Thank you for understanding.

Next week we'll all go on a garbage truck ride.

Bros and ho.

What a gentleman.

Thanks for letting me out, Willa.

I'm a gentleman too.

Classic Mo. Always kvetching.

Great word. I love Yiddish.

Makes me wanna plotz.

Thanks for coming in. We just wanted to get your perspective on everything.

Do you know what it's like to be in a relationship with this hot head.

Hot head! What do you mean?

I don't know when you're gonna pop off on the wrong guy

and I'm going to have to bury two canes

because they can't find your body.

Because you didn't look hard enough. You just gave up.

His mouth is always writing checks his body can't cash.

Actually, we just wanted to talk to anyone who rode in Greg's garbage truck.

You realize this is going to be on our permanent record?

I would like to speak to my lawyer.

Those Miables wrecked me.

And I blame myself.

Because you took way more than the recommended dose?

No. Because I trusted a doctor.

Dr. Pradeep.

- Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure.

I don't think that holds water.

I'm telling you, I think Greg framed Sudha for making him sick on Mitables.

Is barfing all over your dashboard enough motive?

I mean, what does Greg gain by framing Sudha?

You make a good point. Now I feel like an idiot.

Even idiotic ideas can lead to something good.

- Thank you. - Not a compliment.

Maybe it wasn't Greg,

but you might be right that the Pradeeps are being framed.

Follow my lead.

Good news. We've made an arrest.

Oh, thank God. Oh, I hope Sudha gets the chair.

- It's your garbageman. - What?

Greggers. He would never burn down our house.

His ex-wife's maybe.

If he hates anyone, it's the Pradeeps.

They're horrible.

Am I the only person that sees this?

Just go ahead and deport them already.

Let's take a break.

I hope they're going to deport them.

I'll tell you this much.

Janice was more concerned about the Pradeeps getting deported

than finding out who burned down their house.

I noticed that too.

Something's up with her.

Who knows what that woman had in mind.

Bhanu Pradeep, please report to the AP Club in Room 216.

Bhanu Pradeep, AP Club, Room 216.

Looks like we lost a few members,

but we're going to pray for them and carry on.

So glad you could join us, Miss Pradeep.

I'll grab you a Bible.

I thought this was AP Club?

It is. The Abstinence and Purity Club.

So take a seat, open your heart and close those legs.

So everyone here's a virgin?

Half are. The other half are sluts

trying to throw their parents off the scent.

All great customers for our Ohio operation,

especially the virgins. They've got to get off somehow.

Why would Mrs. Mills want me here?

You're trying to bone her son.

Oh, right. She's Stu's mom.

To me, she's always come as teacher and my mom's enemy.

She's too many things to too many people.

I get it.

I drink beer with my dad, but smoke weed with my grandmother.

Cool. I'm out of here.

What is happening?

Here's your Bible. It's a custom fuzzy cover.

I call it "VeLord." This close to getting them on QVC.

Now, listen, I know you're a smart girl,

and smart girls think about the repercussions of sexual activity.

You mean "going to hell"?

Oh, Bhanu, you don't have to wait to die before suffering

the consequences of fornication.

Consequences of fornication?

Oh! Herpes!

Pregnancy.

Leaked sex tape.

Thanks a lot, Trevor.

But more importantly,

boys don't respect girls that give it up too early.

Appreciate the advice, Mrs. Mills, but I think I'll be okay.

Let me cut to the chase,

stay away from my sweet Christian Stu.

Okay. Well, thanks for this.

Oh, and maybe consider going by Bonnie.

It'll just make everyone's life easier.

I'll think about it.

Arey wah. You won the Golden Mitamix.

Was there ever any doubt that I would crush the competition?

Absolutely not.

But it's all so meaningless.

There's a doctor-shaped hole in me

that cannot be filled by any blender.

I want real purpose.

Every day you get to go off and have fun at your rocket factory.

Fun? Starting a company is very stressful.

I can't find a facilities manager,

and meanwhile the previous owner

still won't clear out his adult novelty genitals.

You sound so overwhelmed.

I wish you'd shared these things with me.

We've risked everything for this.

I just don't want to disappoint you.

Arey baba, for better or worse, we're in this together.

Tell the landlord you won't pay rent

unless he clears out his sex toy equipment.

As for your personnel issue, try LinkedIn.

Forget LinkedIn. I'm linked in right here.

Come work for me.

I don't know anything about rockets.

If you can sell Mitables to the garbageman,

you can sell rockets to billionaires.

Is this just a pity hire

because you feel guilty about ruining my medical career?

To be honest, I don't know if I can do this without you.

I need someone brilliant to help me,

and you're the most brilliant person I know.

Certainly more brilliant than Janice.

People shine in their own ways.

But no one as bright as you.

Correct.

Boobs, really?

Give it up.

All this sex stuff is just going to make you feel insecure.

You seem like you're in a bad place.

Try some of my therapy clay.

I don't even know what I want to make.

I've never heard you say that.

What are you talking about?

You always know what you want and just do it.

No matter how depraved or disgusting.

Like having conversations, trying something new.

Making eye contact.

Kamal, you could do those things too.

This family only needs one rebel, but I admire that you go for it

despite what anyone else says.

You're right. Why have I been letting everyone get inside my head?

You are the most foolish, but most confident Pradeep.

Thank you, Kamal.

I would hug you, but I know you have a fear of confinement.

You get me.

My brother helped me realize that I didn't have to be perfect at sex

or have the perfect body or worry about going to hell.

Because none of that mattered.

What mattered is that I wanted to have sex

and I knew who I wanted to have it with.

Isn't that the most important thing for your first time?

And every time.

I've got to cancel some plans.

When Suda quit selling my Mitables, you got your turf back.

Didn't that smooth things out between you two even a little bit?

First of all, Sudha only earned the one Golden Mitamix,

so she was never really a threat,

but her daughter was.

I'm just gonna throw this out there.

Janice, did you burn down your own house to frame Bhanu?

Do you really think I'm that big of a nut job?

Mrs. Mills is definitely that big of a nut job.

But she wasn't my biggest obstacle to being with Stu.

Anyway, yeah, that's what happened to our third dog, Bingo.

We never saw him again.

Anyway, you wanna make out?

Stu, I know what I want.

I want to have sex.

With you.

Tight.

Oh, but I can't.

Seriously?

Do you know how many idiots I had to talk to about this?

Do you not want this too?

I do. No, I-- I super do.

It's just, I need you to do something for me first.

And it's kind of-- I don't know, it's kind of a big ask.

Oh, don't worry, I already took care of it down there.

Painful, but breezy.

Sick.

Uh, but it's not that. It's-- It's this.

Go to a 311 concert. No way

That would hurt way worse.

No, no, no, Matthew, 3:11.

From the Bible. Uh...

I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance.

Okay.

This is more than just a hookup for me, Bhanu,

this is different. It feels different.

I think about our future.

- Really? - Yeah.

I don't want to be chilling up in heaven

while you're getting your eyes pecked out in hell, you know?

I want to be with you. Here and up there.

What are you saying?

I gotta honor my guy in the sky.

Okay.

So, Bhanu...

will you get baptized for me?

I wasn't cockblocked by Janice.

I was cockblocked by Jesus.

Next on The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh...

Thanks for getting me that investor.

He invited us bow hunting.

He was like the Tom Cruise of Pittsburg.

If either of you bag a kill before me,

I'll double my investment.

I'm feeling your tip.

Did your moron son give this to my daughter?

If she wants to explore the Lord's pack you should let her.

Maybe she's looking to others because you're so controlling.

I was fighting for my daughter's soul.

I had to put the world on notice. Sudha Pradeep plays for keeps.

Bollywood style.