Original subtitles

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[joyful music]

Welcome to those of you in sorry need of education.

Today we will explore the history,

the legend of the most superior animal on the entire planet.

Ta-dah!

Not even close.

Of the one million species that inhabit this planet,

none elicit or deserve more respect and admiration

than the cat.

Sore loser.

Clearly, the cat, known scientifically as felis catus,

is the most regal animal on the Earth.

We can trace the history of the cat back to prehistoric times.

A time when saber-toothed cats roomed the land.

The mighty sabertooth was master of the land,

a great hunter

graced with keen senses of sight,

hearing and smell.

When he spotted a delicious prehistoric mouse,

his feline instinct sprang into action.

As his primitive cat cravings took over,

he became a crazed beast,

and nothing could stop him.

Sadly, the sabertooth was wiped out 13,000 years ago.

Here's our next lesson. In ancient Egypt,

cats were worshipped as gods.

As well they should be, then and now.

We worship you.

We adore you.

We love your hat.

You rock.

Thank you, thank you.

Really, you shouldn't.

What am I saying?

Yes, you should!

And now, we dance.

[Egyptian music]

Ah, those were the good old days.

Back when they knew how to treat a cat right.

Check this out.

Back in the Middle Ages, the king of Wales said

that cats were not only cute and clever,

but also valuable.

From this day forward,

I decree that all cats

are to be honored and protected!

They are cute, clever,

and, most important,

they are excellent at catching mice!

Boo! Hiss!

Get him off!

Notice how cats love to eat mice!

Relax, I'm not going to eat you.

Thou shalt not?

No. Just playeth along.

[mouse screaming]

[applause] I've got to get a cat!

[acclamation]

So began the myth that cats eat mice.

They don't?

Of course not.

Use what little common sense you have, pooch.

Here's a mouse and here's a pizza.

Which one would you rather eat?

It would be wrong, very wrong,

to think the only value of a cat is to rid the world of mice.

No!

In fact, cats have been behind, if not directly, responsible for

some of the greatest moments in history.

For instance, back in the Arabian desert,

a long time ago...

Here, my cat, I have packed your food,

in these handy bags made from the lining of sheep's stomach.

In here are some mice.

[ironically] Oh, yummy.

Mice for me to eat.

And in this one is some goat's milk.

Oh, that's a little better, but not much.

Couldn't we stop off for Chinese food?

The nearest place is only 3,000 miles away.

Enough nomading for one day.

We stop here.

Boy, was it a hot one today.

Since I'm not about to eat mice, I guess I'm stuck with this goat's milk.

[tinkling]

Hey, something's wrong with this stuff.

It solidified into ripened curds of soured milk.

Does anyone have a cracker?

Yes.

Triple yum!

I believe I just invented a new food.

[all mice] Give me some of that!

This is a great invention.

I shall call it... cheese!

Now he's giving cats credit for inventing cheese!

That's ridiculous.

Everyone knows cheese was invented by a mouse.

But aside from inventing cheese,

cats have made other great contributions to the world.

For instance...

Florence, Italy, 1503.

The guy at the easel is Leonardo Da Vinci.

Yes, yes!

I can see it coming together now!

Not what you'd call a masterpiece.

Stop, gatto!

Stop, little topo!

You will ruin the great painting I am doing,

which is destined to hang forever

in the galleries of the world.

[screaming]

[crying] My beautiful painting!

Hey, calm down, Lennie.

It's not that wonderful.

I could paint a better painting with my tail.

Now, what shall I paint?

I know, your sister Shirley.

[Da Vinci] Terrible!

But the people who buy art have so little taste.

Good, gatto, good.

What can I give you as a reward?

Well, hundreds of years ago,

my ancestors invented cheese.

I was wondering if you, being Italian, of course,

could combine it with tomato sauce,

and layers of flat pasta noodles.

Then bake for, say,

one hour, in a 350 degree oven?

Now a cat created lasagna!

And painted the Mona Lisa.

1804.

The study of the great composer

Ludwig van Beethoven.

Nein, nein, nein!

It's all wrong!

Oh, hello, Amadeus. [purring]

Have you caught any mice, today?

[first notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony]

[purring]

Wait! Do that again.

[singing first notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony]

Oh, brilliant!

Thank you, Amadeus!

You deserve a tasty reward!

That's the truth.

A cat was responsible for Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.

Brilliant!

[mouse] He's taking credit for everything!

No! Hey! Stop!

Come on, guys!

Wait! It's me!

What's all this talk about cats doing this

and cats doing that?

You make it sound like cats have done everything good!

Hey, I can't rewrite history. Can I?

That's all you've been doing here.

Tell them the truth, Garfield.

Well, it mostly happened like--

The truth!

Or we'll let Jon know how many pizzas you put on his credit card last month.

All right, all right.

[hawking]

Ladies and gentlemen,

there were a few details I left out

of the stories I just told you.

Hey, something's wrong with this stuff.

It solidified into ripened curds of soured milk.

This stuff is tasty.

-I think I've died and gone to heaven. -Tasty!

I think we should call this stuff

cheese!

Cheese? Why?

Because...

it looks more like cheese than anything else I can think of.

Okay, everyone.

Let's record this moment in history.

Everyone look at me and say "cheese"!

And that story about Leonardo Da Vinci,

well, it was true what I said.

Sort of...

[crying] She's ruined!

Yeah, sure looks that way.

Maybe you should try painting clowns or Elvis on black velvet.

Hey, I know how to fix that!

[classical music]

Actually, it's not bad.

Not bad at all.

[phone ringing] Hello?

Yeah, he's here.

It's for you, the Louvre, in Paris.

They heard about your new painting--

News travels fast in the world of art.

Hello, the Louvre?

Why, that is the greatest art museum in the world!

Little topo, I want to reward you.

I want to cook something wonderful for you.

Well, I had this idea for something called lasagna.

Lasagna? No.

No one will ever want to eat something called...

lasagna.

Who knew?

And then that story about Beethoven and his Fifth Symphony...

Amadeus! There is a mouse in here!

Boy, for a guy who doesn't hear so good,

he's good at hearing mice.

Hey, take it outside, fella.

Now I have to chase him, I guess.

[upbeat music]

Ah, it's no use!

I do not even know how to start my fifth symphony.

Maybe I should skip it and move on to my sixth.

[first notes of the Fifth Symphony]

Wait!

That is it!

[singing] Ta, ta, ta, taaaa

Genius! Thank you, little mouse!

Thank you!

So you see,

though cats have made their contribution to history,

and so have mice.

Garfield,

that was terrific.

We misjudged you.

You're a pretty honest cat.

Yeah, it takes a big cat to do something like that.

Thanks.

-Bye. -Thanks.

So long.

[Odie muttering]

No of course we're not going to put that stuff about mice on the air.

We'll edit it out and just show the part about how great cats are.

This DVD is the show we just did.

I'm supposed to send it to the networks so they can

broadcast it to the whole country.

But I won't.

That one goes in the trash.

Instead I'm sending them this one,

in which I edited out the mice stuff

and just left in the part about how great cats are.

[Odie muttering]

No, it's not unfair, it's just sneaky.

Besides, name me one smart thing mice have ever done.

Well, for one thing, we're really good at switching videos.

[laughing]

[joyful music]

[upbeat music]

Subtitling: ECLAIR