Original subtitles

[snoring]

[theme music starts]

[Odie groans and sniffs]

[groans in confusion]

[groaning continues]

[Garfield] Dogs... why?

That is the subject of our program.

And I hope you'll stay tuned as we delve into the mystifying

and somewhat inexplicable, behavior of the species known as dogs...

but more formally canis lupus familiaris,

-or as I like to call them, "muttonheads." -[Odie slurping]

To understand dogs, we must retrace their history,

to have a better understanding of what made them what they are today...

slobbering, flea hotels that drink out of toilets.

Most scientists believe that dogs are directly descended from the grey wolf.

The grey wolf was both a hunter, and a hunted.

-[howling] -Wolves travel in packs,

and use a loud and annoying howl to communicate.

A wolf's howl can be heard up to ten miles.

And their breath can be smelled up to 17 miles.

[wolves snarling]

It is difficult to say exactly how the first wolf was tamed,

paving the way to the present-day domesticated dog.

[Odie groaning]

[sighs] Charming, aren't they?

Moving on...

Early cavemen used dogs to help them hunt.

Dogs had an acute sense of smell

and they could pick up scents that the cavemen could not.

[birds chirping]

[dog sniffing]

-[bees buzzing] -[caveman screams]

As you see, dogs were quite helpful to early man.

[dog sniffs]

[dog screams and crashes]

[dog yelping]

[dog screams and crashes]

[dog yelping]

[sniffs]

[cave woman screaming]

[screams and crashes]

Man continued

to train and tame the dog.

He must've been searching

for some reason for a dog to exist.

[Odie growls]

This next evolution in dog-dom,

or as I like to say, "dumb dog-dom," introduced us to the "working dog."

[medieval music playing]

[farmer groans]

[Garfield] The "working dog" was a dog

that was good at herding, hauling, and pulling.

[squirrel blows a raspberry]

-[dog barking] -[farmer screaming]

Obviously, man had his work cut out for him

in trying to turn the "working dog" into something of value.

[growls]

That's right, boy. In fact, I believe you were bred to be a "working dog,"

specifically a paper weight, or a doorstop, or a big stone.

[Odie growls]

Good boy. For a brief time, dogs became

slightly more sophisticated,

as lords and ladies of the manor,

hoping to find a purpose for the dog,

used their beasts for sport.

[bugle resonates]

[dog one] I do say, is that a covey of pheasants in the distance?

[dog two] I do believe you're right, Nigel. Shall we point the way?

[Nigel] Indeed. Let's...

[dog two] Tea?

Somehow, between then and now,

dogs became very... very stupid.

-[camera crew] How stupid are they? -[Garfield] I thought you'd never ask.

I'll show you how stupid.

May we have a well-respected scientist, please?

Good afternoon, or good evening. I have no idea what time it is,

but I am here to test the intelligence of your average dog.

But first, as a comparison, I shall test a non-dog animal.

Might I have a volunteer?

[Garfield] Here's your volunteer. Check my smarts, professor.

[professor] Yes, very good.

We shall check the brain power of this pussycat.

-[wheels squeaking] -[Garfield laughs nervously]

[electric waves buzz]

According to this, the cat is as smart as a rocket scientist,

a brilliant surgeon, a great philosopher.

How about the guy who invented microwave lasagna?

Now, I am to test a dog. But where will I find a dog to test?

[Garfield] Un momento, scientist-type.

[Garfield panting]

Here... this is a dog. I know that because I'm incredibly smart.

[wheels squeak]

[Garfield] Stay!

[electric waves buzz]

Now, I shall measure the power of his brain.

Any second now...

It is here somewhere, and it's... [screams]

There it is! No... that's a pimple. [groans]

Here, maybe this will help.

[Odie whining]

[scientist laughs] Found it!

According to this,

the dog is as smart as a... common house plant.

An amoeba! A medium-size container of potato salad!

[Odie groans]

[Garfield] Don't take it so hard, Odie. Potato salad's very popular.

Nice work, professor.

-Glad to be of service, Garfield. -Sometime this century,

people got the notion that dogs were fashionable.

[clears throat]

They even carried dogs around like they were accessories.

[Garfield] I guess if you can't find anything useful to do with a dog,

you might as well dress it up and take it out.

[dog barking]

[dog groaning]

[garbage can rattles]

[woman screams]

[Garfield groans] Check that.

I guess you can dress a dog up, but apparently you cannot take them out.

[director] And we're clear.

Nice job, Garfield. Let's take five.

-[Odie protesting] -[Garfield] Hold the phone!

I didn't write The History of Dogs, I'm just narrating it.

[Odie continues protesting]

I know, boy, I'd be embarrassed too.

I think you need a little fresh air.

[Odie barks]

Dogs. Can't live with them... can't live with them.

-[Odie barks] -[Hercules barks]

Garfield!

[barks]

[doberman barks and growls]

[rottweiler barks]

[all dogs bark]

[sniffing]

[all dogs sniffing and howling]

[all together] Fire!

[dramatic music playing]

[dogs barking]

[sawing]

[rottweiler growls at Vito]

[barks sharply]

Mamma mia! A fire!

[fire crackles]

You dogs, you saved me! You saved my pizza!

It's a miracle. Thank you, good doggies.

[director] What? Vito's is on fire?

[Garfield groans in horror]

[reporter] You say the dogs saved you, and your pizza parlor?

That's right. The dogs saved Vito, Vito's building, Vito's pizza.

They are heroes.

They woke me up and put out the fire.

All these dogs,

these brilliant, brave dogs.

They saved Vito. They get free pizza... for life!

[deflated] You've got to be kidding me.

[clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen, and cats... and dogs.

During the course of filming The History of Dogs,

an unusual thing happened. Witness...

[dogs barking]

Therefore, I must conclude that while dogs do love to drink out of toilets,

sniff each other, slobber, drool, and--

[dogs growl angrily]

I must also admit that throughout history, dogs have exhibited some admirable traits.

They have keen sight and smell.

[barks]

They're strong.

[barks]

-They are intelligent. -[barks]

And they are loyal and brave.

[Odie panting]

In conclusion, let's say that dogs are not worthless beads of sweat...

[dogs growl]

...they might actually have some value.

That they might, in fact, be man's best friend.

And cut. That's a wrap, people.

So, how was that?

-[dogs bark enthusiastically] -[Garfield gasps]

And did I mention that they are cat's best friend as well?

[theme music starts]