Original subtitles

[snoring]

[theme music plays]

[sighs] I haven't seen Liz in days.

Garfield?

You don't look so good today.

[sighs] Here we go again.

[Garfield] Wouldn't it be easier to just buy her dinner?

Can I help you hold your stethoscope?

Jon... There's nothing wrong with Garfield.

[Garfield] See, she knows.

Nothing except his weight, of course.

-What do you know? -Which reminds me...

I better see how he's doing in that department.

[groans] Two more pounds and I'll need a forklift to do this.

Sarcastic remarks are my job.

[sighs] You're going to inaugurate my new state-of-the-art animal scale.

Jon, would you turn the dial to "Portly Pussycat"?

[laughs] "Portly Pussycat," just as you asked.

[scale groans]

-[Garfield gasps] -[scale] Get off me...

-you overweight tub of pasta and goo. -[Garfield whimpers and yells]

[gasps] That thing talks, and it screamed at me, and it's rude.

I forgot to tell you, this is a talking scale.

[scale] Come back here, you bucket of lard.

-I wasn't finished with you. -Oh, my!

Garfield's heavier than I thought.

It says he needs to lose two pounds right away,

by the end of the week, if possible.

And if he doesn't?

Then we have no choice but to send him to the cat spa.

[sighs] The cat spa? That sounds great.

Massages, long naps. More massages, more long naps...

They'll put him on a strict low-fat diet.

...long naps, and then-- [gasps] "strict low-fat diet"?

This low-fat diet. I can eat lasagna, and pizza, and pork fried rice,

and bacon wrapped in bacon, right?

Here's a video of the place I had in mind.

[narrator] Welcome to Maggie's Cat Spa,

the world's leading health resort for lazy, overweight cats with attitude.

When we brought Hector to Maggie's Cat Spa he was eating 12 meals a day.

He got so fat that when he had to walk

from the living room to the kitchen, he took a cab.

But thanks to Maggie's Cat Spa, this is all behind us now.

Look at Hector now.

Doesn't he look positively healthy and alert?

[sighs]

[narrator] At Maggie's Cat Spa,

your beloved pet will be placed on a strict regimen of exercise and diet.

Garfield can't go to that place.

Yeah, listen to Jon. He's right, for a change.

Either he loses two pounds by the end of the week...

or it's the cat spa for him.

[both yelling]

Take the scale home with you so you can monitor his progress.

I'll do my best to slim him down. Do you think you can do it, Garfield?

-[munching] -Garfield, that's Liz's lunch!

Watching all that exercise made me... hungry. [snickers]

[Jon] Dinner's ready, Garfield.

I want lasagna, and ribs, and Chinese food,

and chocolate cream pie, and roast beef with a side of roast beef,

and third helpings of my second helpings. And... [gasps]

[dramatic music playing]

What's this?

-Enjoy your lettuce leaf, Garfield. -[Garfield gasps]

[sighs] I was expecting food.

I put him on that strict diet you recommended, Liz.

You know these things aren't bad

if you cover them in whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

[groans] I'll call you back, Liz. Let's see where we stand now.

[scale] Hey, you gained another pound.

-Nice going, fatso. -[Garfield] I--

A few more ounces and you'll qualify for your own zip code.

[Jon] See?

Now you have to lose three pounds.

I'll worry about it in the morning.

I don't know what'll get him to take this seriously.

[yawning] Jon won't send me to that fat-cat place.

Even if he did, it wouldn't be so bad.

[yawns]

[snoring]

[to self] ...wouldn't be so bad. ...wouldn't be so bad.

-[spooky music playing] -[thunder cracks]

[Garfield] Let me out! Please, let me out!

I don't belong here.

It's all a big mistake, I tell you. I'm not overweight.

I just have a very thick thing of fur.

[Hector] I wouldn't do that, if I were you.

Nurse Psycho doesn't like it when we scream in terror.

Nurse Psycho?

You don't want to know what she did to the last fat cat that complained.

[gasps] What did she do?

Let's put it this way... it was me.

[groaning] Help! Jon!

Or better still, someone competent.

Help! [screaming]

Wait... I have to get a grip.

This Nurse Psycho couldn't possibly be that bad.

[grunting] Where's the new fat cat?

-[thunder cracks] -Yeah, she could possibly be that bad.

-There you are! -No!

Have you been screaming in terror?

[groaning] Who, me?

No. I was practicing my yodeling. Here, listen!

[nervous yodeling]

We're going to get you into shape.

First... dinner.

Dinner's good.

I hope you like pea.

Peas. Sure, I like peas.

-No... pea! One pea. -[screams]

[Garfield gasps] That's a...

That's a pretty small pea.

Would you all please turn away?

I don't want to cry when my fans are watching.

-Eat it! -Can I eat half now,

and then take the rest home in a doggy bag?

Eat it! [aggressively]

You'll start exercising as soon as you finish.

As soon as I finish it. Okay, well... here goes.

[belches]

My compliments to the chef.

Now, it's time for your workout.

Wait. I need time to digest that huge meal.

[thunder cracks]

[Nurse Psycho] Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down...

Now repeat, for the rest of all eternity.

No. [panting] I must've lost two pounds by now.

[scale] Sorry, pal. You're still fat.

[yells]

[Garfield panting]

[Nurse Psycho] Faster! My grandmother can run faster than that.

[panting] Help! She makes her grandmother do this too!

I must've lost the weight by now.

[scale] Didn't you hear me, Jumbo?

You're still fat.

[sighs and gasps]

-Faster! -Sure. Oh, boy.

-[Nurse Psycho] Faster! Faster! -[grunts]

We don't like slackers around here.

What am I doing here?

Why are you doing this to me, and why is everything in black and white?

I must've lost the weight by now.

-[scale] Guess what, Chubby! -[gasps]

That's right. You're fatter than ever. Even your flab is fat.

You're so fat that when you sit around the house...

[gravelly voice] you sit around the house.

Knock off the insults!

[scale] You're so fat that when you step on a scale

it says "one at a time, please."

You're so fat that you need a watch on each wrist:

one for each time zone.

Don't be afraid, Garfield. You're among friends. In fact...

all your friends are here.

I don't see any friends.

Here are your friends, Garfield.

Pizza, Ice cream, pie, cake,

cheese, roast beef, and, of course...

lasagna.

They're all your friends.

[all] We're your friends, Garfield.

-[gasps] Get away from me! -[food] Eat us, Garfield!

We're delicious and fattening!

We're your friends, Garfield.

-No. I have to lose weight. -We're delicious.

-[Garfield screams] -[thud]

[gasping and panting]

I have to lose weight! I have to lose weight!

I don't know what to do, Liz. I can't get him to exercise.

-One, two, one, two, one, two... -[blowing whistle]

[Liz] Jon... is something wrong?

[panting] I'll do sit ups after I finish my aerobics.

[groans] I'll have to call you back, Liz. I seem to be having hallucinations.

-[Garfield panting] -Garfield, I'm so impressed.

I'm sure you've lost at least two pounds.

[tense music playing]

He'd better not insult me.

[scale] You still need to lose two pounds.

-[Garfield and Jon scream] -[scale laughs]

I can't understand it. You must've lost weight. You must have!

Oh! I see what the problem is!

I was meant to set it for "Portly Pussycat" and, by accident,

I set it for "Pint-Size Parakeet."

[snickers] You're fine.

In fact, you may not have had to lose two pounds in the first place.

-But it's good you dropped a few pounds. -[Garfield grunts]

[Jon] Garfield? Why do you look so... mad?

Garfield? Leave me alone! Don't hurt me. Help!

-Help! -[Garfield grunts]

I should go after him...

but I have some more important things to do.

-Let's see what you weigh, Jumbo. -[elephant roars]

[scale] What are you, an elephant? You really need to lose weight. [strained]

You need... [distorted voice] [powering down]

Yeah, I know it's cruel.

but there are some things in this world you just can't forgive...

and making me exercise is most of them.

[theme music plays]