Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

(Sylvester) A luxury cruise.

Nothing to do but lie in the sun and eat.

Sounds tailor-made for a pussycat.

[woman screams]

I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'!

[crying]

Trudy, are you alright?

Oh, Groundhog, it's awful, awful.

One minute before we sail

and guest lecturer Regis Philcan cancels on us.

Who can I get on such short notice?

Ooh, this guy is the king of the lecture circuit.

[phone ringing]

Yes, this is Speaker Salamander Getrich.

You want me to lecture in less than an hour?

Sorry, I gotta go cut the ribbon on a new orphanage.

Hey, listen, you might give my mom a call.

Huh? This is will be my last cruise.

I've blown it. I'm dyin' again!

Senior Time's Person of the Year

is a detective who solves crimes with her pets?

- That's it. What's her name? - Granny.

[theme song]

♪ Whenever there's a crime or trouble ♪

♪ That no one can solve at all it seems ♪

♪ That's when they come and on the double ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ It might be day or night whenever ♪

♪ Conditions are right for them to flee ♪

♪ Somehow it all still fits together ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ If there's a full moon ♪

♪ An old house with rotten stairs ♪

♪ Just look around you ♪

♪ Chances are we'll be there ♪

♪ Some day I'll eat that darn canary ♪

♪ And then I'll be happy yes siree ♪

♪ But Hector thinks you should be wary ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries ♪

♪ The chase goes on with each new mission ♪

♪ With backdrops a-plenty globally ♪

♪ And through it all they're in contention ♪

♪ Sylvester & Tweety ♪

♪ Mysteries ♪♪

[instrumental music]

(Sylvester) So, um, where were we?

Ahh, yes, at sea.

♪ Cruise ship ♪

♪ Sails the sea blue ♪

♪ Come onboard ♪

♪ And ♪

♪ Boogaloo ♪

(Granny) 'Hot diggity, I haven't had this much fun'

since my surfing days at Pismo Beach.

Bombs away.

splash

Ooh. Good one, Granny.

[instrumental music]

[sizzling]

[sniffs]

Mm, something's cooking.

[chuckles]

[dramatic music]

crash

[gasping]

[chuckles]

Well, boys, detective work

certainly has its perks.

A free cruise for one little lecture.

(Shecky over PA) 'Attention PU Two-ers'

'the giant mega-prize-winning bingo tournament'

'continues on the marked deck.'

'And today's lecture'

'How to Solve a Mystery in 18 Minutes'

'begins shortly on the shuffle deck.'

'Be there or be clueless.'

'Get it? I kill myself.'

Egads, I'm going to be late for my own lecture.

[gasps]

[grunts]

And in conclusion, I'd just like to emphasize

that a keen eye is the best tool

in mystery-solving.

Tomorrow's topic

Magnifying Glasses and How to Keep Them Spotless.

[applause]

That was just great, Granny. Very inspiring.

Uh, yes, well, I guess everyone opted for bingo.

I'm afraid one of our bingo players, Oscar Orwell

had a mishap involving an anvil.

And he was doing so well.

Oh, my. Is it serious?

He's fine. Except for a doozy of a headache.

But now we do have an opening.

I can get you in the tournament if you hurry.

They don't call me Speedy for nothing.

Arriba! Arriba!

[instrumental music]

[both grunt]

Oh! Sorry, Granny.

Hope you're alright.

Shecky White, ship's announcer.

[cracking]

You know, if I can bring a little smile

to even one passenger's face it's worthwhile.

Uh, yeah. Gotta go!

Uh, there's a bingo card with my name on it.

[rattling]

B-14.

G-47.

Pardon me. Name's Granny. Did I miss anything?

Uh, Beulah Blalock.

B-14 and G-47.

Uh, pardon me, hon, but you're sittin' in Oscar's spot.

Mr. Orwell?

Oh, apparently, he was conked on the head

by a falling anvil.

Isn't that strange?

I-23.

Did you know him well?

Well enough to know that he wasn't acquainted

with the finer points of bingo.

Unlike yours truly, if you know what I mean.

O-62.

(Granny) 'Oh, flibbertigibbet.'

I can hardly keep up with these numbers.

Well, it's an acquired skill.

Say, darling, why don't you just come by my cabin later

and I'll give you some pointers.

- It's cabin number-- - N-36.

N-36. Got it.

Oh, bingo!

Oh, these blasted bifocals.

(Sylvester) Time for some shuffle bird.

[yells]

[dramatic music]

gulp

thud

Good thing pussy got his minimum daily iron requirement.

Oh, Granny, glad you could.. No!

(Trudy) 'First, Mr. Orwell gets hit by an anvil'

and now I find Miss Blalock passed out in a pool of water.

Oh, I'm dyin' again!

Just five more minutes, momma.

[groans]

My, Trudy, what happened?

I'm afraid there has been another accident.

These things sometimes happen on a cruise ship.

Hm.. This was no boating accident.

[Sylvester yowling]

Now, you all kiss and make up.

[blows raspberry]

[grunts]

Huh?

Hm..

My, where did all this water come from?

Huh?

[coughs]

Usually, when he drinks water

he has to worry about the seat falling on his head.

[chuckles]

[Sylvester screaming]

[SNIFFS]

[gargles]

Seltzer?

Hm..

(Trudy) 'Captain, Granny feels that the two accidents'

which befell Mr. Orwell and Miss Blalock were not accidents.

That's right, captain.

Someone onboard is behind these incidents.

It's sounds like an obvious case

'of Klingon interference.'

Red alert. The ship is under attack.

Man all defensive stations.

Shields up full. Warp speed, Mr. Chekov.

Scotty, full power.

Brace for impact.

[siren wailing]

I think that went well.

I think I'll head down to the bingo tournament.

Maybe I can gather some clues there.

Hm, what's Granny reading?

(Sylvester) The breakfast menu.

meow

[dramatic music]

(Sylvester) There's no place on this ship you can run, I can't follow.

Mm-mm-mm-mm!

Unless you've got wings.

Aha!

Uh-oh.

Silly pussycat, flying is for birds.

P-p-pussycat overboard.

[yelling]

clang

[whirring]

clang

(Sylvester) 'Stop. I promise, I'll never put.. Oof!'

'...doggy laxative in your food again.'

clang

[whirring]

I'm getting too old for this.

Oh, boy!

[grunts]

Aw, the poor pussy is all winded.

(male #1) 'N-44.'

My, you two sure know your bingo.

Heh, look at all those chips.

That's right, ma'am. Biggest winners tonight.

(male #1) 'I-16.'

Name's Canasta. Nasty Canasta.

This here is my darling bride, Inga.

(male #1) 'B-12.'

I'm Granny. Nice to meet you.

Say, you two haven't had any near mishaps

while onboard, have you?

No. What a strange question.

(male #1) 'O-71.'

Well, it's just that some of our fellow passengers

have been involved in some rather odd accidents.

Accidents?

Now, now, don't you worry, my little bingo chip.

Your Nasty won't let anything happen to you.

(male #1) 'G-53.'

Bingo!

Well, that's enough for me.

Honey poopsikins, I'm gonna cash my chips in

and go back to the room to freshen up.

Ain't she the sweetest little thing?

[instrumental music]

crash

That poor Inga Canasta knocked into next week

by an errant boxing glove.

What do you suppose the chances

of that happening to someone are?

Fifty-fifty?

Oh, my. There's that nice Mr. Canasta now.

Yoo-hoo! Mr. Canasta.

[sobbing]

[cries]

Whoa!

My, how rude.

splash

He didn't even stop to say hello.

What a strange time for a swim.

Look how nice he plays with all those sharks.

Now, to solve this mystery

I must find the common link between these victims.

Hm.. Beulah, Inga, Nasty and Oscar.

What do they all have in common?

They all got headaches this big?

(Shecky over PA) 'Ahoy, mateys.'

'I'm Shecky White and you're not.'

'Stop me, I'm hot now.

[Shecky laughs]

'It's time to announce the big winners'

'in the bingo tournament so far.'

'Beulah Blalock, Inga Canasta'

'Nasty Canasta, Oscar Orwell'

'and Granny.'

Hm.. Let's see.

'They were all paying passengers.'

'They all loved bingo.'

And they all had tattoos of Tom Jones.

Or was that just me?

"Dwanny"? Now, who's Dwanny?

[instrumental music]

[gasps] Granny.

Oh, I'm next.

Bingo.

(Granny) You've got to help me.

I figured that I'm the one who gets it next

from the bingo basher.

Oh, he's very clever, this basher.

Knocking out everyone who's a bingo threat in the tournament.

Naturally, being the crackerjack player that I am

he's after me.

Do you hear what I'm saying?

You see, Granny begins with a G

and there's a G in bingo.

Just like there's a, a B and an I

and an N and an O.

Well, are you going to help me or not?

Well, Granny

I'm sure I can help you.

[grunts]

Doc, get in here. Quick!

[watch beeping]

You don't say. That time already?

[watch beeping]

Uh-oh. Here we go again.

Now, this won't hurt a bit.

I hope I'm not going to be charged for that drink.

Oh, what to do? What to do?

Ha!

[laughing]

Uh-oh.

[screams]

boom

[whimpers]

That's it.

(male #1) 'N-33.'

'I-24.'

[sighs] Oh, well.

I guess I'll be heading back to my room now.

[grunts]

[instrumental music]

crash

[moans]

[sighs]

Ha! Fell for the old switcheroo.

Shecky White? Why?

Do you know what it's like

playing to a packed house every day

never hearing applause?

I give 150 percent

and I'm taken 150 percent for granted.

You knocked out the top bingo players

so that you could move up in the ranks

and win the tournament?

I wanted the prize money to realize my dream

to follow in my parents'

big floppy footsteps

and attend clown school.

[cries]

Aw, the tears of a clown.

[instrumental music]

Aren't cruises relaxing?

Oh, Granny, how can we ever repay you?

Uh, with another free cruise?

[laughing]

[snorts]

Good one, Granny.

Ha!

splash

[chuckles]

What do you know?

The pussycat's been shuffled overboard.

[theme music]