Original subtitles

Okay, so imagine this scene.

- Sure. - A shitty motel

in some one-bus town.

It's familiar. A cliche even.

A girl 18 years old right out of high school, a runaway.

Her name is Annie.

- Seriously? - I know. I know.

It's a hard knock life.

Anyway, she's not an exploding ginger.

She's blonde, super femme,

wavy hairdo, and so on.

She's run away from home to get away

from her violent shit of a dad,

an old fashioned bikey, you know,

leather jackets and logos.

Is it "The Wild Angels"?

But uglier. Crazy movie by the way.

Anyway, this piece of sentient dick cheese has sent out

an underling of his to track her down.

Real greasy, white trash shit the gang calls Floppy,

because of a drunken incident in which he couldn't...

- Ugh, gross. - Indeed.

Thing is Floppy has ulterior motives.

Of course he does.

He's got beef with her dad, right?

And he has no intention of actually finding her.

Oh my God, are you serious?

Mm-hmm, so as it turned out,

not only did she know

that he was following her, but she was counting on it.

So when he threatened her, she was ready.

I have mixed feelings about this one.

Mm, me too. You see, Floppy deserved it hands down.

But as far as I can gather,

the other three out of five were seemingly unrelated.

I think she might've just gotten a taste for it.

And guess what?

That's right, dear listener,

Annie is the subject of next week's podcast.

So if you wanna know more,

you're just gonna have to tune in.

You're such a tease.

Always. Any emails this week, Riley?

Oh, do we have emails? We have two dick pics.

Mm. Any good?

No. Nothing to brag about.

Ugh, wandering through the desert out here,

ladies and gents.

But we do have an email here from a Spring-heeled Jack.

I swear we get more references

to Jack the Ripper on this murder podcast

than there are Jesuses in a mental institution.

Although I always appreciate a history buff among us.

I guess you could say he had a spring in his step.

Oh, Riley, this is an upscale podcast.

We can't be having dad jokes.

Anyways, I'll just get into it.

See what Mr. Slinky shoes has to say.

"Dear Riley and Lola, new listener, big fan of the podcast.

This question is for Lola. What got you into murder cases?"

Hmm, I haven't had this one in a while.

What do you think, Riley? Should I tell him?

Yes, yes, please. I love this story.

So in my shitty little hometown that I grew up in,

there was this urban legend,

slash coming of age ritual amongst boys mostly,

but it really had the town in its grips.

Probably still does.

These dark things,

they tend to linger.

There was this old abandoned house not far from my place

that all the kids were scared of.

You see, the house belongs to an old man in the 1930s.

Nice guy, the kind of guy you'd be happy

to have as your neighbor.

And he used to make these toys out of wood,

beautiful things, a dying art really.

And every Christmas, he'd run about the town dressed

as Santa handing out toys to the neighborhood kids.

But everyone else knew that he had a dark side,

a real jealous streak.

One night he wakes up from a dream

where his wife has cheated on him,

and he's in a blind rage.

Decides to murder his whole family,

chops them up, wraps them in wax cloth,

hides them around the house:

the attic, in the walls,

under the floorboards.

They found him swinging from the rafters upstairs

dressed in his Santa suit.

The only one left unaccounted for

was his youngest daughter, Nel,

But our parents told us it was all bullshit.

But you try telling a town filled with teenagers

that that never happened.

Which brings me to the affirmation coming of age ritual.

My so-called Friends Barry and Brick said they'd done it,

so they made me do it.

It went like this.

You'd get blindfolded and you're put

in this old house alone.

And I remember you had to say these specific words.

You stand in this old house

and you say, Toymaker, Toymaker,

crawl up from hell and show me where you buried Nel.

I promise I won't tell.

And then at this point in the legend, he either kills you

with his hammer or he shows you the body of his dead kid

and swears you to silence

or he'll follow you all the way home and kill you.

I do feel it is important to say

to the gentle listeners

that this is in fact not a work of horror fiction

and is our goal along this real life.

That's right, and it was just then

that I heard the floorboards creaking behind me.

Still playing this old game, eh?

It was just Old Man Beer Can.

Us kids used to call him that.

He was just a local drunk.

Don't worry kid.

He said.

I'm not the old Toymaker's ghost.

And then he stumbled over

to the peephole and peered through it.

I wasn't sure what he was up to,

so I ducked away into a cupboard.

Ah, I gobbled up ya little mate

and I'm still hungry.

I suddenly realized there was a secret compartment

in the cupboard, a fake back.

I always noticed these kind of things, things that were off.

If I'd been there back in the day,

I would've noticed the marks, the scratching mice and rats,

and known that they must've been

after something behind it.

I'd done by accident what the police never did.

Staring into those empty eye sockets,

that's when I realized

I could've found her,

maybe even saved her

or someone like her.

And so I had to figure it out,

who was the Toymaker?

and what makes a person who's kind enough to hand out gifts

to children at Christmas snap and kill their entire family?

And how do you catch someone like that?

Anyway, that is the story that started it all.

And sadly, I feel like we have to say goodbye

because we have gone way over time.

But tune in for next week's podcast,

Riley and Lola, on the "Nancy Crew Show."

All right, smell you later.

And beware of your Santa at your local shopping center.

Sweet dreams.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

Let's go, boy.

Are you kidding me? You could've waited for me.

Sweetie, if we waited for you every time,

we'd starve to death.

There'd be two skeletons sitting at the booth.

That'd be a mystery to solve.

Yeah, I think the cops could solve that one.

Are you sure?

You could at least order some garlic bread next time.

Garlic gives me the farts.

Because you're a vampire, Farrah.

I wish, eternal life sounds fun.

Yeah, but could you hack eternal life without pizza?

I guess she's not that committed to being a vampire then.

Doesn't stop her from feeding

on other people's lives though.

Feeding off of other people's lives

is literally what journalists do.

Touchy.

I hear you tell your story on the podcast today.

So when are you gonna let me write it.

One day, dear Watson,

you can chronicle the many adventures

of my fantastic life when I have them.

I mean, if I have them.

Careful what you wish for.

You will, you're always poking

into every mystery you can find.

One day one will poke back.

That's what I'm worried about.

Well, if it makes either of you feel any better,

I spent my entire week just cataloging

and doing legal bullshit.

Fuck, I hate both those things.

You've got that thing

with the bugs next semester though, right?

- Bug thing? - Oh my God.

Corpse-eating carrion, like flesh-eating bugs.

- Uh-huh. - You'd be surprised

what you can find out from a body

by what's eating it from the inside out.

So fucking cool.

Like maggots and shit?

Uh-huh.

That's it for me.

Oh, come on, Farrah.

Don't act like it's not amazing.

Yeah, but gross.

Totally gross. That's what I'm hoping for.

More like spending the entire time

just fucking cataloging bugs.

So how are you feeling, my love?

Fine, whatever do you mean?

You know what, Lola?

Oh, just my imminent return

to my oppressive little shit hole town that I'm from, that?

How long has it been since you were back?

I think I escaped when I was like 16.

Are you like totally fucking nervous about it or what?

Delicate, Farrah.

I mean, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't

a little bit nervous.

It's not exactly like I ran around

or I left telling everyone that I was coming out

as trans or...

And fucking everyone's gonna be there 'cause it's Christmas,

so everyone's returning.

It's like gonna be a fucking shit show.

And it's just like,

I'm not ready for all the fucking questions.

Do you know what I mean, and it's just like.

Fuck.

Hmm, preaching to the choir there.

We wouldn't know anything about that.

Guess, look, I know I'm not the only queer person

with a tragic backstory, sorry.

No, don't apologize.

We were showing our family trauma.

Well, how healthy of us?

Just lemme know if you need anything, okay?

And if anything goes down in that gothic town

of yours, you know where to find me.

I do, I love you guys.

I love you too, bitch. You got this.

Too early. What's the rush?

There'll be trucks

and cars full of kids getting to Christmas.

- Mm. - You know the drill.

Don't go.

Baby, you know I have to go.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you more and better.

♪ Hush hush hush now ♪

♪ You're being too loud ♪

♪ Welcome to my delusions ♪

♪ My perfume is your pollution ♪

♪ Welcome to silent auctions ♪

♪ Wraps you up like contact paper ♪

♪ You're gonna love the ending ♪

♪ Spoilers learn info's contagious ♪

♪ Suck my blood pretend ♪

♪ I'm where the venom lives ♪

♪ Kill the ♪

The pack of Yeti Menthols?

Get back to, Barry.

Lola.

Uh-huh.

Danielle, your sister is here.

You remember me, right?

How could I forget?

You gave me my first nipple twister.

Yeah, welcome to the house, bitch.

Lola, oh my God.

You're beautiful.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Scrubs up will, I guess.

Oh, put your stuff in the first bedroom on the left

and then come to the lounge for a glass of bubbly.

You're not gonna break out the good stuff

for this little shit, are ya?

Ignore her, she's the same old butch bitch.

Huh, nice.

And everyone at school was right.

She was a Dyke all along.

So watch out for her.

Yeah. Not my type.

Be nice.

I don't know any man named Hern.

I was at home last night and there he is.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you must walk in your sleep at night

'cause you stayed at the apartment last night

at the Airport Hotel in Oakland

where you registered.

Did I tell you Danielle's brother's back in town?

I thought she was trans?

Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Come on. Don't be all classic transphobic like that-

I'm not transphobic.

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Just be nice to her and shut up and jump me, okay?

I've got the night shift in an hour and a half

and I'm gonna feel lighter on my feet.

The fuck?

Fuck, shit.

Jesus, Danny, get yourself a decent coffee machine.

You're not washing your clothes down by the river, are you?

No Lola, we don't.

We just don't have real coffee much,

so I went to the store

and bought you a nice brand and now it's burned, I'm sorry.

Look, don't be.

Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.

So Julie Hoptin.

Oh, you noticed?

I swear she sneaks out of the house

like I'm her mother or something.

That's a bit Freudian.

Right? She usually comes home though.

Do you think it's me?

Oh no, it's, no, I doubt it.

I mean, she's a bit, but she wouldn't hide away.

You're right, the Julie I know would stay just

to pick on me.

She's changed a lot since we were teens.

Could've fooled me.

You have though.

What happened to the metal t-shirts and skinny leg jeans?

They were called stove pipes

No, no, things change.

You're right.

She could've messaged me at least.

Things aren't like they were out there when we were kids.

Hmm.

The economic crisis hit us pretty hard.

Farms were lost. Businesses closed.

I mean, things got a lot better later in general,

but it got a lot rougher around here.

Bad people got a lift.

I had no idea.

I guess they don't care much

for small town problems in the big city.

No, they don't care about big city problems

with the big city either.

They step over homeless people like they're trash

on the sidewalk.

I never could get used to it.

Maybe Julie forgot her keys.

I don't understand. Is this a joke?

The Toymaker.

Would Julie do something like this just to scare us?

No way.

Are you kidding me? And what's this supposed to be?

It's evidence.

I don't have time for this.

Looks like you've got plenty of time.

- Who is this? - My sister.

I didn't know you had a sister.

Well, now you do. Are you going to look for her?

I'm not gonna call a search for Julie.

She's probably out scissoring someone's wife.

I beg your pardon?

Okay, keep your panties out of a twist,

I'll do a call to keep an eye out for her.

If she's still AWOL in a couple of days,

you can file a missing person thingy.

I'm sorry, a missing person thingy?

This guy's a fucking moron. - Hey, I could have you

arrested for just talking like that.

Constable Banks-

Senior Constable.

Congratulations on the promotion, Senior Constable Banks.

Are you at least going to look at the card?

Creepy. Looks like a prank.

It's clearly threatening.

If Julie was fiddling with my wife,

I'd be threatening her too.

Look, you have no idea how many kids

or even grownups are pranking us

with this Toymaker bullshit.

If we investigated every prank or Toymaker sighting,

we'd have no time to catch any real criminals.

Oh my God. Forget about it.

Come on, let's go.

So I'm guessing there was

an incident involving someone's wife.

Sort of, small town bullshit.

Cassie Connor, well, Cassie Summers then,

but she was already separated from her husband

and Julie had a little fling with her.

That's all, the entire thing was blown out of proportion

by a town of fucking Karens.

Wait, wait, wait, Summers?

As in Barry Summers?

Yeah, his brother, Paul.

Swear to God,

this town has more fucking soap opera bullshit

going on than Ramsay Street.

Aha, yeah.

Do you know where Julie's friends live?

No, but I don't have to.

They all hang out in Nowhere Club.

Where?

The Nowhere Club. It's a gay bar.

Sorry, a gay bar here?

Well, it's more of a nightclub, really.

A nightclub in this town.

♪ I see the ♪

Feel like you're really good at it.

- I am. - Totally catch.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Does that make me the cat?

Deb says that every time. The one with the loud mouth.

Oh, the nerve on this one.

Everyone, this is my sister, Lola.

- Oh, no. - Oh, yes.

Your sister's quite the town gossip.

I'm not. Okay, maybe I am a little bit.

This is Kit.

Her sister's name is Kat. I shit you not.

Yeah, look, the parents had a sense of humor.

Obviously.

This is Abby.

Hi.

And the lady, Sarah.

Don't listen to this silly bitch. I am a baroness.

- Really? - No, but I just like

to think I am classier than these girls.

Lola, darling, you don't recognize me, do you?

What?

Mr. Proctor?

One and the same.

- No. - Wait, what's this?

I was actually a teacher at St. Joan's High back

in the day when Lola was in town.

Wow. Really?

- Yeah. - You were a teacher?

- Mm-hmm. - Wait, what'd you teach?

Business, maths, I actually used to teach

the girls hockey team as well.

Danny here was quite the pro back in the day.

I was okay.

I remember you teaching-

No, don't say it. Don't you say it.

Yeah. What?

No, seriously, I'll take it to my grave.

Religious education.

No, you fucking didn't.

Yes. Yes, I did.

You are mean, girl.

Well, you failed me.

No I didn't.

You did. In year 10, you failed me.

I had to take that class twice.

Wait a minute.

The essay saying that the apostles

- Faked the Resurrection. - The Resurrection.

Oh my God. No, seriously, I was so mad at that.

That was you. That was you, wasn't it?

Oh my God, and she was so good about it.

Like a bloody detective she was.

Wait, weren't you the kid that found

that skeleton of the missing girl?

- That was her. - That's fucking amazing.

And obviously really horrible.

It would've been like a really horrible experience.

Has anyone heard from Julie?

I thought she walked.

She's probably snuggling somewhere with Kat.

No, I mean Kat's on night shift all weekend.

I mean, I didn't speak to her today,

but that's not actually unusual, so.

Where does she work?

Mm, Green Leaf Station on Maine.

Julie snuck out to see her last night, I'm sure,

but she never came home.

That's weird, I might call her and just see where she is.

Is she usually so secretive?

Not with us.

I mean, it's not necessarily safe to be out here,

if you know what I mean.

I see.

No, no, no, don't bring up her ex.

Fuckin' Jerry still has eyes on her. He's a fucking creep.

Wait, Jerry as in Brick Kelly?

Yes.

Sorry, Brick?

That's what we used to call him at school.

He was, is a little stupid, I guess.

Come on, he's not that stupid.

He's just kind of lazy and aggressive.

His parents owned that big chicken factory up on the hill,

so he never had to try at anything.

And they ignored him, which made him act out.

How did Kat end up with him?

Kind of charmed his way in with her at the beginning.

I mean, like the family wasn't doing great at the time

when he just came in with his rugged good looks and so-

Stop, stop, stop, rugged good looks?

I hate to admit it, he came out

of the awkward teens looking pretty good.

What other fucked guys from my childhood got a glow up?

Well, I don't know about Barry.

He stayed the same really.

But Dave went to the city for uni

and had some kind of argument with his family

and now he runs a history society.

Seriously, wow.

People change, I guess.

I guess. Anyway, ladies, raise 'em if you got 'em.

Danny and I have to go. I got a paper to write.

And, honey, be sure to come back anytime.

Suffice to say I don't teach anymore.

I actually own this shit hole,

so you got a home away from home here, all right?

So just remember that, please.

I will. Thank you.

- Nice to meet you. - See ya. Bye.

Do you mind trying Julie again?

Yes, I can.

If Kat doesn't answer her phone,

I'm gonna fucking kill her.

Lemme guess, we're going to the Green Leaf?

No.

You haven't changed a bit.

This town sure fucking has.

That's for sure, for better and worse.

You know, your friends are pretty fucking cool.

Yeah, they're Julie's friends really.

They're so nice to me.

Danny, they're nice to you

because they're your friends too.

I guess.

No, Kat isn't here today.

And she didn't rock up for her shift last night either.

So if you see her,

tell her to not bother coming back in again.

Lovely, is she usually so unreliable with shifts?

What, are you a cop?

No.

Well, if you're not gonna get any fuel,

you wanna come inside

and have a cup of cruelty-free fairly acquired coffee

I've got in there?

Listen, I don't think we're gonna waste any more

of your valuable time.

It's still the same shitty town.

Just glossed over a little bit.

There's like cafes with real coffee and fancy servos.

And even that queer bar.

I don't know.

It's the same but different.

I guess you can paint over the walls of a haunted house,

but the ghosts are still there.

Hey, that's poetic. You should give that to Farrah.

No way. She can come up with her own material.

Anyway, Charlie, I'm really worried about this thing-

Lola, the TV, quick. It's about Julie!

While authorities have said that she

was likely a victim

of a robbery gone tragically wrong,

the police have refused

to go on record about the state of Kat Lancaster's body,

which was discovered by local teen Mark Palone.

Ms. Lancaster was last seen with Julie Lane,

who's been missing since the night of the attack.

I can't believe I let you talk me

into letting you tag along.

She was my friend, Lola.

Besides us, it's not safe for you out here alone.

We may not even be safe out here together,

so keep the flashlight down, okay?

Do you see anything?

Police made a fucking mess

of the scene, there's boot prints everywhere.

You know, they towed the car,

but I don't think they even fucking dusted for prints.

Wait. - What, what is it?

Are these hand marks?

- Lola? - Nothing.

Shh, get down.

Do you think he's on us?

Fucking doubt it.

Cops in this town always have one hand on their dick

and one hand on their phone.

But we need to be careful, okay?

What did you find?

I think Julie got away.

Are you sure?

Yeah, but I don't know for how long, wait here.

Fuck that, Lola, wait for me.

- Don't come here. - Lola!

Trust me, just-

So Julie's parents never showed then?

No. They disowned her after, you know?

And Kat's parents are both passed on, so...

It was a car accident.

The twins were 17 when it happened.

It was terrible.

Poor Kat.

All alone in the world now.

She's not, but it's sure gonna fucking feel like it.

I don't know, twins are different,

especially when it's-

Piece of fucking shit.

I know it was you.

Fuck are you talking about?

- I'm gonna fucking kill you. - Get the fuck away from me.

Any more of this, you're gonna spend the night

in jail, Kit.

Are you fucking serious?

Back away.

At my sister's funeral?

Back away.

What are you gonna do about it?

Back away.

You haven't done anything about it.

What are you gonna do about it?

Is that Harry Thatcher?

Yeah. Old man Beer Can.

Still playing this old game, eh?

Poor guy.

Well, his liver finally popped.

No, he was bashed to death.

They found him by an old pub

It was armed robbery, they said.

There's a lot of fucking botched robberies going

on around here.

You, Lola, or whatever.

Sergeant Kelly wants to speak to you.

Well, why don't you lead the way, Constable?

Senior Constable.

Will you be all right?

Do you want me to come with you?

No stay here.

Grab a seat.

I understand you came back to town a couple of days ago.

That's right.

It says here you were christened as-

I know what I was christened as.

I had it changed to Lola legally.

I see, and you're here for Christmas?

Correct.

With your family?

My sister.

You only have your sister and your father here.

Is that correct?

Obviously.

Have you seen your father?

No.

Why not?

Listen, is this any of your fucking business?

Look, Lola, here's what I know.

This town hasn't seen a crime worse than shoplifting

or a drunken fight in quite some time.

Then you arrive from the big smoke

and we have two murders.

You think I'm the killer?

I am aware of what you do.

Student of forensic science

and you're a host of a radio show about such-

Podcast.

A podcast then.

Details, Sergeant, they're everything.

Wouldn't you agree?

When you were a little...

When you were a child,

you discovered the remains of Nel Jenkins,

the missing girl of this town's only murder.

Only murder, are you for real?

I beg your pardon.

Murders, quite a history of them actually.

1853, an indigenous family is murdered, including two kids

after the father is suspected

of stealing eggs, fucking eggs.

1923, Bethany Jans is murdered

by her psychotic fucking husband

in a blind drunk rage.

He got off too, temporary insanity.

Just like he was temporarily insane

every time he'd beat the living Christ out of her.

1946, wartime, Michael Arata,

a Japanese abattoir worker, he was murdered.

What was his crime, being Japanese?

He had blunt force trauma consistent

with three police cudgels,

but you boys did a mighty fine job

of covering that one up.

Not quite good enough though.

And I've come back to town only to find

that Old Man Thatcher, Old Man Beer Can,

the town drunk when we were growing up, he was murdered

in a botched robbery attempt.

There's a fucking ton

of botched robberies going around, wouldn't you say?

Yes. Yes, I see your point.

Do you? 'Cause I could go on.

I'm sure you could.

The point is, these killings took place

after you arrived back in town.

Now I'm not saying you're the killer,

but I do think you're a troublemaker.

Where people like you go, trouble follows.

And I don't want trouble in my town.

There is a possibility

that whoever the killer is followed you here.

A famous local who solved an old case

now gets to solve another one.

You, a person with a checkered history

and a dubious, what would you kids call it?

A fan base.

Furthermore, I don't think it's unreasonable

to assume that the anonymous caller who found the body

of Julie Lane wasn't just some passerby taking a piss

in the bush, but rather someone who was looking for her

or knew where she was.

And though I can't prove this,

knowing your preoccupations,

there is a distinct possibility

that you made that call.

I'm free to leave.

You can leave this office whenever you like.

We're not holding you.

That wasn't a question.

I see, as I said,

you can leave this office whenever you like.

But the town, no.

Not until I say so.

You're still a person of interest in this case after all.

Well, that's great because I fucking love it here.

Merry Christmas, Sergeant.

One more thing.

You're gonna stop interfering

in our investigation or I'm gonna have you arrested.

Well, then I'd get to investigating then.

Yes, it's me.

Get Constable Kent to keep an eye on Lola Dulling.

I wanna know every move she makes.

Calling Unit 1,

Code 212 at the bottle stop, Rene Street.

Can't hear, a Code what?

During the night shift,

witness someone abducting Sarah Whitmore.

No identification?

The kid said it was the Toymaker.

- The fuck? - That's what he says.

He saw the Toymaker just carry her away.

Yeah, sure.

Ladies.

So let's get one thing straight,

you were watching the house the entire time

that Sarah was getting abducted?

Well actually-

Why are you here?

Why aren't you looking for her? Do you do anything?

Hey, don't talk to me like that.

Fuck you, Jim.

Listen, I'm just doing my job.

I was told to come here

and let you guys know that I was here

when everything happened,

so neither of you are on a suspicion.

No shit.

But if you know anything, you need to tell me.

We were here the entire time.

What could we possibly fucking tell you?

We have the whole town waking up to the rumor

that a ghost from the fucking 30s

is going around killing people, okay?

And the Sergeant has us looking out

for any suspicious people following you around.

Is that possible?

No, I don't think so.

Do you have any enemies or any stalkers?

Lola?

No, I mean, any trans woman

on the internet gets a lot of shit.

Turfs, religious idiots, incels, the occasional chaser.

What's a chaser?

Chaser, someone chasing a chick with a dick.

They ride in on their white horse, wine, dine.

But in the end, they're just looking to get it in.

Right, right, right, right. Any chaser stalkers?

No, I'd know.

Yeah, you would.

Hey, listen, I like your podcast, by the way.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Kinda into that stuff.

It's the whole reason why I became a cop.

Look, the senior constable's the old fashioned prick.

You know, find the most convenient suspect.

Get enough dodgy evidence on them and then put them away.

But, look, if you're doing your own investigation,

I wanna help, but you need to help me too.

Why should I trust you?

Well, I was here last night, so I'm not the Toymaker.

Right. Here's how this is gonna go.

You're gonna give me everything you have

and then I'll decide if I can trust you

and I come and go as I please.

Is that clear?

Fine, and if anybody asks you,

you're tired of the sight of my handsome face.

Fine, and if you catch me anywhere I'm not supposed to be.

No, you didn't, deal?

If I turn a blind eye to any unlawful activity,

even for the greater good, I could lose my job.

Fine, gimme your phone.

This is my number.

Prank me and call me if you need anything, okay?

Now I gotta go. I have an avenging ghost to catch.

Nice piggy.

I bet you knows his whole life story, don't you?

No, well, yes.

Well, it'll have to wait.

Where are you going?

I'm not looking for an avenging ghost, that's for sure.

Stay here. Lock the door, arm yourself.

And don't answer to anyone but me, okay?

And tell the others to do the same.

I'm sure this fucking sick idiot

is out there looking for them.

I will.

You be careful too.

Me? Always.

She hasn't changed a fucking bit.

Dave, Dave Robert?

Lola, hey.

Oh my God, you've changed.

Yeah, I guess so.

You look good.

You too.

Danielle said that you worked here, so,

I, here I am, decent gig?

Yeah, it's volunteer for now, yeah.

But I like it.

You know, I love these old typewriters.

Well, yeah, this, I wish this one worked.

You can't actually get the ink threads anymore,

but if it were up to me, I'd probably just ditch the laptop

and just have this in the office instead if it worked.

I'm guessing you don't get that many people through here.

Yeah, you're the first one this year.

That sounds like heaven.

I work at this big burger joint back in the city

and we get tons of drunk people in

and out all night, it's hell.

That'll be hell for me.

Here, listen, I was actually hoping to run into you.

I was hoping you could help me with a little research.

Yeah, yeah, of course. What's happening?

Do you remember the old Toymaker house?

I remember dropping a nugget in my pants,

'cause of the Old Man Beer Can, yeah.

- Really? - Yeah.

I was about to ask you actually,

you planned that with him, right?

No, he was in there sleeping of a hangover.

He scared the shit out of me too.

Right.

I...

Yeah?

I really regret the way that we treated you back then.

Hey, don't worry about it.

Everyone treated me like that back then.

Small town filled with small people.

I can tell you you've changed.

I'm really sorry about...

Look, sorry, what were we talking about the house,

did you say, the...

- Oh my God, right. - Yeah.

So I'm looking for anything about anyone

that lived there after the murders.

Right, Nancy Crew on the case then, yeah?

You're a listener.

Yeah. Of course.

You know, I never thought I would have anyone

in this town listening to my podcast and now I've found out

that I've got two fans since coming back.

Yeah, I mean, it's probably more, you know,

I know some of the high school kids do.

You're the closest thing this town's got to

a celebrity besides the Toymaker.

But anyway, I don't know if there's anything interesting.

You don't believe mean ghosts, do you?

Sometimes I do.

With all that's happening now,

who knows what's real anymore.

You know, legends have, legends have power.

You know, if it were up to me, I would make a museum

of the Toymaker in that house

and then have the legend attract tourists.

Dave, that's really dark.

I think it would work.

No, I asked the council,

they don't want anything to do with it,

and so they don't want the town overrun

by like freaks in the...

These look pretty, 'cause I like freaks and ghosts.

Yeah, look, if there's any records

or anything, I'll put 'em in the office, so.

Mm-hmm.

What's up?

Hey, pig, listen, I need you to dig up something for me.

I was just at the old Historical Society

and that place is fucking dusty.

Anyway, can you look up a police record for me?

Seriously, you know that's not as easy

as it is like in the movies, right?

Yeah. Trust me, I know.

Something happened in 2018

that relates to the Toymaker myth.

All I could find was newspaper clippings and articles,

but they're all redacted or snipped out.

Seriously, why doesn't this town fucking digitize anything?

I figure if there's anything that's left,

it's at the precinct, right?

Yeah. No need.

I know what it is.

It was a botched murder attempt.

A group of French backpackers were going through the town.

Stayed a few days.

One of 'em was a trans.

Go on.

Well, apparently she was arrested

by a few locals at the Fox and Firkin Pub.

Who?

B something,

Barry Summers, Gerard, Kelly.

Barry and Kim?

Huh?

Nothing, go on.

Well, apparently somebody else tried

to attack her when she went out

for a packet of cigarettes a few days later.

Tried to drag her through the alley.

Beat her with a hammer, but she fought him off.

Gave the ghost a good kick in the olds apparently.

Nice. Good stuff.

Yeah, well, apparently the victim didn't see the face

and a witness walking her dog said, and I quote.

He was wearing a creepy Santa costume

like my grandpa used to wear.

And lemme guess, Sargent said it was just some

unrelated out-of-towner, right?

Yep.

Fucking idiot.

At least he couldn't put that one down

to a botched robbery, right?

Listen, you've kept up your side of the bargain, Constable?

Kent, Constable Kent, are you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

Are you anywhere near the old Toymaker's house?

Yeah, why?

Wanted you to see it first.

It's against every fucking regulation,

but the others would just fuck it up

before the state forensic team gets here.

The fuck did he do?

Blood Eagle.

What?

Blood Eagle, it's a Viking execution.

More like a torture, really.

Almost like a fucking Christmas angel.

That would be consistent to theme.

No note, no toy, nothing.

Fucker wasn't done here.

I should dust for prints.

Don't fucking do that.

Then they'll know you were here.

Plus anyone that's this meticulous

isn't exactly gonna leave prints.

Do you see those boot marks?

Yeah, they're work boots.

I used to have the same ones when I was 19 working

at the abattoir.

Still kept standard.

Still got 'em?

No, and fuck you.

Hey, who else used to work with you there?

Lots of people.

What's the town business ones?

Barry Summers?

Yeah, why, do you think he's a suspect?

I wouldn't say so.

Barry's not exactly the creative type.

Maybe not, but he sure loved killing.

He was on a Death Squad, as we called them.

What?

The Death Squad.

They make the livestock the dead stock.

The others always said that he used

to have this creepy grin every time he

would bolt a cow, even game bang.

Yeah. Why does that not surprise me?

See there on the forearm?

Aha.

Now look at the bruising,

I'd say she was dead before he tied her up, thankfully.

Fuck, I can't, how the fuck is he that strong

to do all of this?

Sarah wasn't exactly huge.

He dropped her a few times trying to get this right too.

So we're not exactly looking for Hercules then.

Did you call this in?

No. I'm supposed to be watching you.

With that door open,

the whole town's gonna be here from the smell,

so we need to get the fuck outta here now, go.

Lola's cops collection service.

You rack 'em, we pack 'em.

Lola, what the fuck is going on down there?

Listen, Charlie, I was gonna call you today,

but there was no time.

Brutal murders in the town of Padan.

How the fuck did you think I was not gonna find out?

I'm surprised I told you this, to be honest,

News broke minutes ago. I found out hours ago.

Seriously, how?

Partly, 'cause no one gives a what happens out there.

But I only found out

'cause I know a guy that keeps track

of rural broadcasters chasing corruption claims,

and he saw the report of the first killing

on the Padan News.

He contacted the local station,

but the police told them not

to report on anything too scary,

so they don't cause a panic.

But some AvMed told him

that they knew the kids that found the first body

and they'd gone to the media about it.

And now there's a hundred TV news vans

on their way right now, and so am I.

No fucking way, Charlie. Do not bring your arse here.

Lola, I know you've got your Nancy Drew arse

in the middle of whatever the fuck is happening down there,

and there's nothing that you can say

that's gonna stop me from coming.

Charlie, it's not worth it for a scoop.

This isn't about some story.

This is about me white knighting your arse outta

that horror movie you call a town.

- Fine. - Send me your

sister's address and for God's sake,

please keep your head down and stop snooping.

Charlie, I need you to do something for me.

Lola, stop it.

It's not like that.

Listen, I could be in danger either way.

I need you to contact your friend

and ask them if they can find out anything

about Sergeant Kelly, all right?

Okay, fine, shit,

but you have to promise me

to text me every 10 seconds so I know where you are.

I will, Sergeant Kelly. Have you got that?

Sergeant Kelly, yeah, I'll remember.

I'll see you in a few hours.

I love you, Charlie.

I love you more and better.

Saw card freaked.

We're all at the Nowhere Club and armed.

We can't get ahold of Kit.

Stop looking for killer.

Please come here quick.

I was about to call you. The state cops are coming in.

All hell is breaking loose.

Listen, I know.

Was one of Kat's ears missing

from her body when you found it?

No. None of them were, why?

Oh my God.

What is it?

You need to find Kit now.

Kat's sister, what happened?

There's a severed ear on my sister's front porch.

That's what's happened, and now Kit is missing.

The sister? Shit.

Where are you?

I'm near the bar.

The Nowhere Club. - What? Why?

I was actually watching your sister's house,

like I'm supposed to be doing for once,

but I saw her leave, so I followed her.

You didn't see anyone deliver anything to the house?

No, but I wasn't there the whole day, as you know.

Right, the other pigs found Sarah?

Both banks and Serg are there with the ambos.

You know, it's fuckin' weird.

What is?

I was listening on the radio

when the senior constable found the body.

He immediately called dispatch

and told them to call it into state

as we're under obligation to do.

But when Serg found out that he had called the state police,

he started going on about going over his head

as if he were-

Changing the line of argument.

Yeah, exactly.

The sergeant has been burying this from the beginning.

The first two deaths, that bullshit about a botched robbery.

He's been trying to make sure the state police

didn't find out and the media, but why?

I don't know, maybe he didn't want the town to be overrun

by reporters and detectives.

It's been enough chaos here in the recent news,

but at the cost of people's lives.

He doesn't think of these victims as people.

Nobody in this town does.

Huh, then maybe you're right.

- Wait. - What is it?

What's going on?

Someone's... I'll call you back.

Kent, fuck!

- Oi. - Oh, for fuck's sake.

Not now.

Well, look at this, mate.

Faggot's back in town

and he's telling pigs that I killed Julie.

Babe, I never said that.

Don't fuckin' lie to me.

Yeah, don't fuckin' lie to us.

Barry, Brick, I haven't told anyone that you killed anyone

because I think you're both too fucking stupid

to pull off something as meticulous as this, especially you,

because you wouldn't have two brain cells to string together

to switch on a fucking Christmas ornament.

So why don't you get the fuck out of my way

before anyone else gets murdered by a real psychopath,

not two cowards who could only murder someone

if they were old and fucking defenseless.

- Let's go. - Lola?

Let's go, go.

Lola, were they?

No. Oh my God, why the aren't you at Danielle's house?

Bitch, you knew I was gonna come looking for you.

We need to get to The Nowhere Club now.

The what?

The Nowhere Club.

What did your friend find?

A fair bit.

He dug up some stuff on your Sergeant Kelly.

He's brothers with the mayor

and both are in some redneck oligarch farming family

with ties to conservative groups,

oil companies, you name it.

During the financial crisis,

they brought up all the farmland in Padan.

They wanna turn it into some rich arsehole golf resort.

They even brought out the old meats order place.

The abattoir?

Yeah. Right, ugh.

Those fuckers are haunted by a million cow ghosts.

They'd probably do anything to protect that kind

of wealth, including covering up a murder.

No, a murderer.

A murderer in the family could bring

the whole fucking thing down.

This is insane.

No, someone in their family is insane

and the cops are covering it up.

Did he say who else in town was connected to the Kellys?

A few other families actually by marriage,

the Banks family, the Kents and Roberts family.

So everyone else in town?

Wait, unless it-

Oh, shit, you just had one

of your Sherlock Holmes brainstorms, didn't you?

Fuck yeah, I did.

Lola, where are you going now?

Just inside the bar there.

And I need you to go to the Historical Society.

It's not far, I just need you to go there

and break in for me.

Oh, you just need me to go break in

and check on something for you?

Bitch, do you know who you're fucking talking to?

You know who you're dating, right?

I bey you still have that lock pick

that I bought you for your birthday, right?

Yeah. All right.

And be on the lookout. Okay?

This is the kind of sick fuck to lay booby traps.

- Booby traps. - Charlie, grow the up.

No, I won't.

Jack in the box.

Hello?

Hello? Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, hold on.

Hold on, I've got you. Oh, fuck, oh, shit.

Oh, fuck!

Shit, I'm with Lola.

I'm with Lola. I'm with Lola, you're good.

You're safe. You're safe, you're okay.

Okay, let's get you of here.

What the fuck?

Lola?

Lola?

Lola?

I showed you my little girl, Lola.

You had to keep this secret.

You did it all, right?

So I had to come. I had to.

I had to kill to bring you here.

Give yourself to me

and no more blood will be shed, hmm?

Close your eyes. Give yourself to me!

So what, now you're the phantom

of the fucking opera, Spring-heeled Jack?

Spring-heeled Jack.

I always appreciate the history of above among us.

Jack in the Box.

You're the closest thing this town's got to a celebrity.

Podcast then.

Not very inventive, Dave.

Dave is dead, okay?

You wish.

Dave is dead, Okay?

The Toymaker didn't get you, Dave. They did.

Barry, Gimp, your whole fucking family.

I know what it feels like when the people who are supposed

to love you reject you for who you are, Dave.

Shut up. Shut up!

So when Barry killed Old Man Beer Can,

you knew you could get away with it too, the boots.

These are same ones when I was 19,

working at the other-

Nice touch, hoping that they'd pin that on Barry.

Not good enough, Dave.

I found your porn collection, Dave.

You know, if it were up to me,

I would make a museum of the Toymaker house.

Have the legend attract tourists.

That's really dark.

Any chaser stalkers?

In the end, they're just looking to get it in.

It must have really you off

when that trans backpacker rejected you,

but we're not all that easy, are we, Dave?

That must have made you so fucking mad.

Mad enough for murder.

My heart used to cry like that too, Dave.

Every day, every night.

Innocent people-

Hey, look at me, hmm?

I hate you.

No, Dave, you fucking love me.

Who the fuck are you, huh?

Get off of him.

My parents put me in Muay Thai,

but I never thought I'd need it.

We're a great team.

You know martial arts and I used to teach wood shop.

No, don't hurt him.

We could've been friends, Dave.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Did he just shit on my floor?

Lola, Lola, Lola, you okay?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Hey, it's just a scratch.

Did you find Kit?

Yeah, I found her. I took her straight to the hospital.

She's hurt and she's in shock, but she's okay.

What the hell happened here?

You know what happened here.

Your nephew, the monster this town made,

the monster your family made.

You're not going anywhere.

Fuck you, porky.

And one more thing,

evidence that Barry killed Old Man Beer Can

is already in the hands of the journalists,

so I suggest you start making some arrests

before the state police do.

You're gonna pay to clean up this mess. You got that?

Then we were stuck in town for another week or so,

getting questioned by the state police.

Felt like forever.

It must've been hell.

To be honest, they really just flew by.

There was a lot to go over.

Last I heard the perp was out of hospital

and in some sort of maximum security institution.

Boy, is he never getting out.

Hey, hey. What's wrong?

It's me. It's me, hold my hand.

Squeeze my hand. It was a dream.

Yeah, anyway, with Barry in jail

for killing Old Man Beer Can,

it brought down this web of corrupt families one by one.

Totally ruined any idea that they had

of turning the whole thing into a resort.

I think another company's bought it all up now though.

Anyway, listeners, if you want the full story,

"The Toymaker Murders" by Farrah Stone,

it's her first official publication through our new label,

Nancy Crew Publishing, which is really exciting,

and it's gonna be out soon.

So we'll let you know if she's doing a signing and where

and when because it is a fucking crazy read.

Are you the real Lola?

Uh-huh.

Three of my friends have gone missing

and I think someone's following me.

No one's doing anything about it.

Hey, it's all right.

Come with us. Let's see what we can do.

Tell me all about it, okay?

Here we go.

♪ Toyland ♪

♪ Little girl and boy land ♪

♪ While you dwell within it ♪

♪ You are ever happy there ♪

♪ Childhood's joy land ♪

♪ Mystique merry toy land ♪

♪ Once you pass its borders ♪

♪ You can never return again ♪

♪ Childhood's joy land ♪

♪ Mystique merry toy land ♪

♪ Once you pass its borders ♪

♪ You can never return again ♪

♪ Once you pass its borders ♪

♪ You can never return again ♪