All language subtitles for Twisted Metal S01E02 hoetinkhof79

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,970 hoetinkhof79 2 00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:29,690 We don't have time for this. 3 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,830 You're hurt. I get it. 4 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,760 Now, there's a way out of this. 5 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:34,900 Okay? 6 00:00:43,470 --> 00:00:44,810 This never happened to me before. 7 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:47,180 Really. Man. 8 00:00:48,610 --> 00:00:50,150 Oh, man. 9 00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:54,450 Damn it. 10 00:00:54,580 --> 00:00:56,420 You never get a second chance to make a first impression. 11 00:00:56,550 --> 00:00:58,120 You know? 12 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,690 Hey! Oh, no, no, no, no! No! 13 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:06,700 This time it's loaded. 14 00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:08,130 Six bullets, each with your name on it 15 00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,230 if you don't get out of my car right now! 16 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,040 That said, I'm willing to negotiate. 17 00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:19,640 Oh, I guess Evelyn doesn't like you very much. 18 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,740 I'll make you a deal. 19 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,680 You scooch over, I'll get you out of this alive. 20 00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:24,880 But you better think fast, 21 00:01:25,010 --> 00:01:27,850 'cause that ain't no birthday clown. 22 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:33,820 Okay, go! 23 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,300 Oh, shit. 24 00:01:42,230 --> 00:01:46,170 Okay, L1, R1, up, down, left, right, right, down, up. 25 00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:53,710 All right, Evelyn, we have nine days to get away from this clown, 26 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,580 ditch this psychopathic hitchhiker, 27 00:01:55,710 --> 00:01:57,980 and make it to New Chicago. 28 00:01:58,180 --> 00:01:59,580 Hey, look! You forgot your seatbelt. 29 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,050 Argh! 30 00:02:25,370 --> 00:02:26,880 Here for the show? 31 00:02:27,010 --> 00:02:29,410 I'm definitely here for the show! 32 00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:48,660 Oh, shit! 33 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,250 You're not coming to my show? 34 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,750 Well, then the show is coming to you! 35 00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:36,040 Suppertime! 36 00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:41,180 Stu, I love you, but this is all your fault. 37 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,320 How was I supposed to know the woods would be crawling with butchers. 38 00:03:43,450 --> 00:03:45,390 They're talking about getting us exiled. 39 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,760 You had to get caught sleeping on duty! 40 00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:49,990 Hey! You were sleeping, too! 41 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,760 I wasn't the one snoring like a goat in heat! 42 00:03:51,890 --> 00:03:52,960 It's called sleep apnea. 43 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,800 It's a real medical condition. 44 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,300 And it would be a lot more manageable 45 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,570 if you hadn't traded in my CPAP machine for porno. 46 00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:02,000 Well, excuse me for trying to get you something dope for your birthday! 47 00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:03,210 You know what's dope? 48 00:04:03,340 --> 00:04:04,840 A full eight hours of sleep. 49 00:04:04,970 --> 00:04:05,840 Dreaming is dope! 50 00:04:05,970 --> 00:04:07,140 Francis! 51 00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:10,580 Why did you season both meat baths in teriyaki sauce? 52 00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:13,350 Francis, we talked about diversifying flavors. 53 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,750 Fine! Um... 54 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,690 Oh, I'll cover the thick one in lemon pepper. 55 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,320 No, no! 56 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,920 Oh, God, it's so tangy, dude! 57 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,660 I call dibs on the man titties. 58 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:31,100 Holy cow! Holy cow! 59 00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:33,600 Clear! 60 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,870 All clear! 61 00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:49,590 We don't usually find the pigs alive before the luau. 62 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,620 You can cut 'em loose. 63 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,620 Butchers! 64 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,490 They'd rather eat the flesh of their own kind than starve. 65 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,370 You guys are guards? 66 00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,270 We, uh... We used to be. 67 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,140 Uh, Mike and I were... On a scouting mission 68 00:05:07,270 --> 00:05:09,070 from Seattle looking for trading routes. 69 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,110 Our car broke down and the next thing you know 70 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,210 we're getting grabbed by these assholes. 71 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,450 We're always on the lookout for upstanding citizens. 72 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,180 I'll give you guys a choice. 73 00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:22,080 You can try and make your way back up north 74 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:24,390 where it can be pretty dicey, 75 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,150 or if you can take the grit, 76 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,220 join us in bringing law and order 77 00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:31,430 back to the Divided States of America. 78 00:05:32,930 --> 00:05:34,500 What do you say? 79 00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:40,170 Come on. 80 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,770 Sweet. All right. 81 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,010 Welcome to the law, huh? 82 00:05:48,210 --> 00:05:49,580 Yeah! 83 00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:52,450 You guys. Don't go dying on us. 84 00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:55,520 I can't believe 85 00:05:55,650 --> 00:05:57,990 I already got a flat tire. 86 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,260 Way to go, John. Way to go. 87 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,260 Hey, silent but not very deadly, 88 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,130 you gonna come over here and help me with this? 89 00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:08,430 Don't shush me! You come over here and help me with the tire. 90 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,440 I'm gonna handle this shit. Watch my back. 91 00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:19,880 Ahh! 92 00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:21,880 Ah, shit. Ahh! 93 00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:32,890 You can hide... 94 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,730 but I have ways to find you. 95 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,100 Marco! Marco! 96 00:06:44,230 --> 00:06:45,900 I'll be right back, Evelyn. 97 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,000 I'll get us outta here. 98 00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:51,340 Marco! 99 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,540 Damn! That usually works. 100 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,720 Huh? 101 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,390 Shh. 102 00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:09,990 Oh, shit. 103 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:18,500 Marco. 104 00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:21,970 Polo? 105 00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:33,320 Well, hi there! 106 00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:38,990 Oh, that tickled. 107 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,260 You know, my dad always wanted to play catch, 108 00:07:41,390 --> 00:07:43,130 but he could never catch a ball. 109 00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:45,090 He could catch a bullet. 110 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,730 Why are you scurrying away, little squirrel? 111 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,270 Looking for a nut? 112 00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:57,840 This is gonna be fun! Machete! 113 00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:01,080 Huh, swung a little wide there. 114 00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:05,610 Well, aren't we a tall glass of water! 115 00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:08,780 Me, I'm more of a Hawaiian punch! 116 00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,990 I'm guessing you don't fight much outside of your car now, do you? 117 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,320 Look, clown, I don't need four wheels to kick your ass. 118 00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:25,270 Any chance we could get this back in the cars? 119 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,810 How about a little kill music? 120 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:02,610 Do you love the silver-haired god? 121 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,470 And don't lie to me. 122 00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:05,870 Yeah, man. 123 00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:07,410 Look, I listened to "Unleash the Dragon" 124 00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:08,940 so many times the disc broke. 125 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,180 I'm not a liar. 126 00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:12,150 Well, you said you were coming to my show 127 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,350 and then you shot at me! 128 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,950 It was a misunderstanding. 129 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,190 I been getting shot at ever since I can remember. 130 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,960 It's force of habit, I guess. 131 00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:22,320 Sounds like you have trust issues. 132 00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:23,460 Yeah, you're not wrong. 133 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,930 Nice pipes, dude, I have to say. 134 00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:27,830 That high note, whoo! It was perfect. 135 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,130 Oh, word? 136 00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:31,100 Yeah, can I go? I got somewhere to be. 137 00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:33,140 I thought you said you were coming to the show! 138 00:09:33,270 --> 00:09:35,440 Of course, I am. 139 00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:39,210 Just can I leave after the show? 140 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:48,680 Well, in that case, tonight is opening night! 141 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:52,660 How were your showers? 142 00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:54,420 Aw, I don't know the last time 143 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,930 I felt hot water that wasn't my own piss. 144 00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:58,060 Uh, sir. 145 00:09:58,190 --> 00:09:59,730 Consider it your recompense 146 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,860 for upholding law and order. 147 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,840 Warm showers, warm blankets, warm meals. 148 00:10:07,870 --> 00:10:10,940 Oh. Aw, fuck, mashed potatoes? 149 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:13,740 And goddamn, look at all that gravy! 150 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,180 I wonder how we can get one of those punch cards. 151 00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:20,180 Now, let's proceed to your initiation. 152 00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:25,650 Right this way, gentlemen. 153 00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:30,160 What you see down there is our supply truck. 154 00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:32,560 It brings us important provisions. 155 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,700 As you can see, it's broken down. 156 00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:37,170 That's why it's not moving. 157 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,500 What I need for you to do is to protect that truck. 158 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,240 From what? 159 00:10:43,370 --> 00:10:45,210 Seagulls. 160 00:10:52,350 --> 00:10:54,820 Skittles? No, I'm good. 161 00:10:54,950 --> 00:10:57,490 Pre-show jitters. 162 00:10:57,620 --> 00:11:00,290 Listen, I really appreciate you coming along willingly. 163 00:11:00,420 --> 00:11:03,560 Normally I have to drag people into the theater kicking and screaming. 164 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,460 But word of advice, 165 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:07,960 you won't like what happens if you run. 166 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,500 What? Oh, him? 167 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,770 Nah, he was here before. 168 00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:14,000 Hey, Donald. 169 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,400 Don't worry, he can't hear us. 170 00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:17,570 I love names. I'm kind of a name guy. 171 00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:21,780 You know, the right one can send a shudder down your spine. 172 00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:23,750 Wanna know what I go by? 173 00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:25,580 There's not a person on the West Coast 174 00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:28,250 that hasn't heard of Sweet Tooth. 175 00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:29,620 See what I mean? 176 00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:32,860 I mean, you really feel that in your bones! 177 00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:35,160 What's your name, friend? 178 00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:37,790 John Doe. 179 00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:39,590 Nah, I'll give it a seven. 180 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,060 Hey, I didn't pick it. 181 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,670 I don't know what name I was born with or... 182 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:45,800 who I am really. 183 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:48,140 Oh, amnesia. What's your brand? 184 00:11:48,270 --> 00:11:51,140 Post-traumatic, transient, dissociative? 185 00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:54,310 All I know is my first memory is me waking up in my car 186 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,910 with blood coming out of my head. 187 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,650 Wait, that's my first memory too! 188 00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,580 My head covered in blood. 189 00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:02,180 Of course, it was being pushed out of my mom's whisker biscuit... 190 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:03,790 Whoa! You remember that? 191 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:07,190 Oh, yeah. I remember everything. 192 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,860 You should consider yourself lucky. 193 00:12:08,990 --> 00:12:11,930 There are some things I wish I could forget. 194 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:14,430 Like the time I shit my pants 195 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,870 in my elementary school production of "Oklahoma". 196 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,800 I can still see the audience's faces 197 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,070 laughing, mocking. 198 00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:28,280 Did you know Sisqó's real name was Mark? 199 00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:38,820 Oh, a rock. 200 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,930 Man, what is wrong with you? 201 00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,630 You holding in a fart or something? 202 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:48,160 If the truck is so important, why don't they just move it? 203 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,470 Something doesn't smell right, man. 204 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,600 Smells good to me. 205 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,570 Back in Seattle, they treated us like morons. 206 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,570 Now look at us; we holding .30-cals, dude! 207 00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:59,740 Come on, baby, get your head in the game. 208 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,210 Come on. Come on. 209 00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:04,650 There you go. Fuck you! 210 00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,350 Eyes up, boys. 211 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,490 Those seagulls lay a fingernail on our supplies, 212 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:11,850 it's open season. 213 00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:13,190 What the hell? 214 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,090 Hey, why do you call 'em seagulls? 215 00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:17,760 These look like normal survivors to me. 216 00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:21,130 What else would you call a bunch of fucking trash eaters? 217 00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:33,440 Dude, are we really gonna kill these guys? 218 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,350 There's one left, Stu. He's all yours. 219 00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:51,130 Clean it up! 220 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:06,170 Melon down. 221 00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:07,540 I saved your ass. 222 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,010 Seagulls, butchers, exiles. 223 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,950 They see the world in shades of gray. 224 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,720 What I need from you two lawmen 225 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,560 is to just show them that there's only two colors in the world, 226 00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:23,830 black and blue. 227 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,600 Now, you missed, Stu. It can happen to anyone. 228 00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:30,400 Rookie mistake. 229 00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:31,570 Hey. 230 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,440 Don't let it happen again. 231 00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,210 Okay. 232 00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:41,040 You guys want some burgers? 233 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,410 Bubby-baby, bubby-baby. 234 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,210 Tip of the teat, tip of the teat. 235 00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:46,750 Tip of the teat. 236 00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:49,780 My marvelous mutterer makes me mingy on Monday. 237 00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:53,090 You sleep here? 238 00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:54,620 What, the penthouse was booked up? 239 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,620 Nah, way too much space up there. 240 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,590 Nice bidet, though. 241 00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,600 Like taking a shotgun up the ass. 242 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:03,170 No, I sleep here because it reminds me 243 00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,270 of where I was before Vegas. 244 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,970 Back then, I lived with a real solid group of dudes. 245 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,810 But then the world took a shit and I came to Sin City. 246 00:15:12,010 --> 00:15:14,580 Now that was a party. 247 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,150 You've been here alone for over two decades? 248 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:21,020 Oh, shit, has it been that long? 249 00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:22,150 Look at this guy. 250 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,850 Hasn't aged a day. What a beauty. 251 00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,120 Nah, I'm not alone. 252 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:28,390 I got Harold, which, have you-- 253 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,990 You haven't met Harold yet. 254 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,830 I'm gonna introduce you. 255 00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:35,030 This is Harold. 256 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,030 Been my best friend since I was a kid. 257 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,030 You know, my entire life people have been lying to me. 258 00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:42,340 Even my fucking parents! 259 00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:44,270 But, uh, never Harold. 260 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:48,180 No, he can't lie to me. He can't lie to anyone. 261 00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:49,640 I can see that. 262 00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:52,680 I don't know what I'd do without him. 263 00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,720 Look at that smile. 264 00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:56,320 So, you got a Harold? 265 00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:58,690 No. I got an Evelyn. 266 00:15:58,820 --> 00:16:00,290 Oh, that's cute. 267 00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:04,430 Before I met her, being alone was all I knew. 268 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,100 You know, she makes everything easier, you know? 269 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,400 Sometimes I wish I could make her laugh. Right? 270 00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:12,570 I have to say after all this time 271 00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:15,040 that's the sound I miss the most. 272 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,270 You know what sound I miss the most? 273 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,940 The sound of hand meat clapping together. 274 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,440 Nothing like that glorious applause. 275 00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:24,650 I mean, it's almost better than, I don't know, 276 00:16:24,780 --> 00:16:26,610 hearing somebody choking on their own blood. 277 00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:28,520 But look at me getting carried away. 278 00:16:28,650 --> 00:16:30,820 Good thing that your Evelyn's got hands, huh? 279 00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:32,650 She must clap for you all the time. 280 00:16:32,790 --> 00:16:34,620 Nah, she doesn't. She's my car. 281 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,320 You talk to your car? 282 00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:38,660 That's weird, man. 283 00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:43,600 Ah, mwah! There you are. 284 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:48,900 So, if Evelyn's not the girl, who's she? 285 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,540 I caught this little pest crawling through my vents. 286 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,340 See, I was gonna starve her. 287 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,710 Watching the life slowly drain from their eyes. 288 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,080 Kind of my artistic process. 289 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,390 You know, the last guy lasted almost four weeks. 290 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,790 Hey, Wilbur! 291 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,320 I think she's gonna give you a run for you money. 292 00:17:09,460 --> 00:17:10,890 She won't. 293 00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:14,200 Bubby-baby, bubby-baby. 294 00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,600 Hey, you tried to kill me every chance you get. 295 00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:18,970 Why should I show you mercy? 296 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,010 Goddamn it! 297 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,110 Hey, man, why don't you let her out? 298 00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:32,380 And why would I do that? No, no, no, listen. 299 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,350 What good is an audience of one? 300 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,180 Think about all the meat slapping 301 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,120 you'll hear with four hands. 302 00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:41,720 Ah, that's true. 303 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,360 I don't often get feedback 304 00:17:43,490 --> 00:17:47,260 from the 18 to 35 female demographic. 305 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,370 Fine! 306 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,430 You fish her out and take a seat. 307 00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:55,970 Don't worry, I got a table just for you. 308 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,610 And what happens after the show? 309 00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,140 Well, you go on your merry way. 310 00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:03,580 Really? 311 00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:04,910 Well, if I'm being honest, 312 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:07,980 nobody has survived all three acts. 313 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,680 Gird your loins! 314 00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:12,250 Curtains up in ten minutes! 315 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:23,030 Tonight, you will be enjoying white tiger prepared three ways. 316 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,530 There's a whole pack of those milky white assholes 317 00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:27,400 breeding up on the fourth floor. 318 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,340 Anyway, enjoy. 319 00:18:29,470 --> 00:18:31,040 Bony tit! 320 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,210 Give me back those keys! Hey, hey! 321 00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:39,980 If it wasn't for me, you would be a starving corpse right now. 322 00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:52,660 Listen, neither one of us made it pretty far on our own. 323 00:18:52,790 --> 00:18:56,830 So, instead of us trying to-- Holy shit, this steak is good. 324 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,200 Instead of us trying to stab each other in the back, 325 00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:01,000 we should put our heads together and figure out 326 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,370 how in the hell we're going to make it through the show. 327 00:19:05,070 --> 00:19:07,040 Is any of this getting through to you? 328 00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:12,810 Blink twice for yes. 329 00:19:15,950 --> 00:19:18,390 Cool, we're fucked. 330 00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:29,800 Tonight, I will be presenting a one-man play entitled 331 00:19:29,930 --> 00:19:32,800 "That's In-Room Entertainment", 332 00:19:32,930 --> 00:19:35,840 based on the hotel's in-room entertainment. 333 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:44,510 Hi, I'm Debra from guest services. 334 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,450 And welcome to Nevada! 335 00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:50,550 Deep in the heart of Vegas is the Monte Cristo, 336 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,860 a veritable oasis in the sand. 337 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,690 And don't forget about our promenade. 338 00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,500 It features all the latest brands 339 00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:05,030 and is just a stone's throw from the salon. 340 00:20:05,430 --> 00:20:08,700 Girl, might be time to take care of those split ends! 341 00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:16,110 And for all you lovebirds out there, 342 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:21,550 Las Vegas is still the marriage capital of the world. 343 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,850 Time for kisses! 344 00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:31,730 And you have selected express checkout. 345 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:37,160 Please leave your key at the drop box at the front desk. 346 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:41,340 And thank you for staying with us. 347 00:20:49,910 --> 00:20:52,450 Well, we've come to the Q&A 348 00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:55,520 where I ask the Q's or I kick your A. 349 00:20:55,650 --> 00:20:57,890 So, now is the moment of truth. 350 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,460 What do you think? 351 00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:04,530 Oh, um... 352 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,030 I loved it. 353 00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:09,630 Liar! 354 00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:13,340 What exactly did you love about it? 355 00:21:13,470 --> 00:21:15,470 Uh, your performance! I was moved! 356 00:21:18,870 --> 00:21:21,080 What? It was a tour de force! 357 00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:24,780 I am gonna tour de force this machete down your throat! 358 00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:26,880 If you're not gonna tell the truth, 359 00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:29,350 then I'm gonna make you shut up and bleed. 360 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,420 It was a fucking snooze-fest. 361 00:21:32,450 --> 00:21:33,690 Now you talk? 362 00:21:34,090 --> 00:21:35,260 What the hell did you say? 363 00:21:35,390 --> 00:21:36,560 It sucked. 364 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,560 Your performance was dull as dick water and frankly beneath you. 365 00:21:41,930 --> 00:21:43,530 And you? 366 00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,370 You agree with her? 367 00:21:52,910 --> 00:21:55,610 Yes. I agree with her. 368 00:21:57,450 --> 00:21:59,380 Come on, man, it was boring. 369 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:03,120 I get it, you've been here forever, but you did a play about a hotel! 370 00:22:06,390 --> 00:22:08,790 But didn't Mark Twain say you should write what you know? 371 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:09,990 Well, Mark Twain's a dumbass. 372 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,060 You gotta get out in the world, man. 373 00:22:11,190 --> 00:22:12,660 Yeah. Look, trust me, 374 00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:15,400 you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone. 375 00:22:15,660 --> 00:22:17,130 You end up talking to a car. 376 00:22:17,260 --> 00:22:19,030 Yeah, like this guy. 377 00:22:19,170 --> 00:22:20,440 You know what? You're right. 378 00:22:20,570 --> 00:22:22,400 I can't wait here for my audience. 379 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:26,240 I need to get out there and hunt my audience down. 380 00:22:26,410 --> 00:22:27,880 Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant. 381 00:22:28,010 --> 00:22:29,480 No, that's exactly what you meant. 382 00:22:29,610 --> 00:22:32,310 I'm gonna get out there, and I'm gonna embrace the chaos. 383 00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:35,780 Who knows, maybe I'll even fall in love! 384 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,320 The show is going on the road! 385 00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:51,070 That was beautiful, man! 386 00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:15,020 Well, a night of firsts. 387 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:16,460 My first honest critique, 388 00:23:16,590 --> 00:23:18,530 first people I ever let leave here alive, 389 00:23:18,660 --> 00:23:23,570 but most importantly, my first two fans. 390 00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:25,030 You two. 391 00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,500 I got you a headshot. 392 00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:29,040 There's an inscription in that. 393 00:23:29,170 --> 00:23:30,910 "See you soon." 394 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,210 I hope not. 395 00:23:32,340 --> 00:23:34,510 Hey, thanks for being honest. 396 00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:48,850 You know, I have to admit I didn't think 397 00:24:48,980 --> 00:24:51,250 we were gonna make it out of there alive. 398 00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:52,790 I mean, it would have been a lot easier 399 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,590 if you had piped up instead of just trying to-- 400 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,820 Oh, come on! Have you learned nothing? 401 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:01,700 What is your problem anyway? 402 00:25:01,830 --> 00:25:03,000 I'm trying to find someone. 403 00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:04,570 Well, I'm trying to get somewhere, 404 00:25:04,630 --> 00:25:05,600 and I lost a hell of a lot of time 405 00:25:05,730 --> 00:25:06,800 watching that god-awful play. 406 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,740 If you put the gun down, I'll drop you off 407 00:25:10,870 --> 00:25:13,580 as close as I can to where you're going. Deal? 408 00:25:13,710 --> 00:25:15,640 Fine. But I'm keeping the gun. 409 00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:18,680 No, come on, that one's new. All right, all right, take it. 410 00:25:23,380 --> 00:25:25,020 What's your name anyway? 411 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,890 Okay, I'll start. Hi, I'm John. You're... 412 00:25:31,860 --> 00:25:33,030 Bridget? 413 00:25:34,230 --> 00:25:35,660 Yolanda? Jennifer? 414 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,970 Okay. So, since you like to be quiet, 415 00:25:39,100 --> 00:25:41,040 that's what I'm gonna call you: Quiet. 416 00:25:41,170 --> 00:25:43,470 Is that okay, Quiet? Yep. 417 00:25:43,610 --> 00:25:45,670 So, you're really not gonna tell me your name? 418 00:25:45,810 --> 00:25:47,070 Nope. 419 00:25:48,340 --> 00:25:49,840 Fine. 420 00:25:49,980 --> 00:25:51,880 Makes it easier when I drop your ass off 421 00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:53,720 in the middle of nowhere, Quiet. 422 00:26:00,620 --> 00:26:01,960 Sack up, newbs. 423 00:26:02,090 --> 00:26:04,090 Got a live one. 424 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:06,630 I'll stop the vehicle 425 00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:08,700 and demand to see their open road license. 426 00:26:08,830 --> 00:26:10,730 If they don't got it, they don't pass. 427 00:26:14,940 --> 00:26:16,070 What? 428 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,140 Hey, sorry, just, uh, one question. 429 00:26:18,270 --> 00:26:20,640 Where do we bring 'em? 430 00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:23,950 Oh, and why are we stopping them? 431 00:26:24,510 --> 00:26:26,950 And what's an open road license? 432 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,350 Is it common at the-- Just get in. 433 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,650 We learn on the job. I respect that. 434 00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:33,390 I've never seen a checkpoint 435 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,460 that wasn't outside of a settlement. 436 00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:36,890 And these guys aren't on the map. 437 00:26:37,020 --> 00:26:39,660 So, more delays. 438 00:26:39,730 --> 00:26:41,200 Let me do all the talking. 439 00:26:41,330 --> 00:26:43,130 I deal with these guys all the time. I speak their lingo. 440 00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:47,370 Hey, ORL, please. 441 00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:50,070 Did you just ask me for oral? 442 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,240 Uh, no, sir. ORL. 443 00:26:53,810 --> 00:26:55,410 Open road license. 444 00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:57,680 That's an awful acronym. 445 00:26:58,110 --> 00:26:59,850 Hey, look, I'm just a milkman. 446 00:26:59,980 --> 00:27:02,980 I'm just passing through, man. Come on. 447 00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:04,490 And you guys look great, by the way. 448 00:27:04,690 --> 00:27:06,050 I love your shirts, man. 449 00:27:06,190 --> 00:27:07,790 What are you, like a club or a team or something? 450 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,220 We're officers. Of the law. 451 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,330 Ah, angry Black friend. 452 00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:13,900 Okay. 453 00:27:22,270 --> 00:27:24,510 Hey, where-- Get back in the car! 454 00:27:24,710 --> 00:27:26,240 Listen to your friend! 455 00:27:26,370 --> 00:27:27,510 Eat my ass, motherfucker! 32086

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