Original subtitles

Previously on "Resident Alien."

Hello, cousin.

You cannot give up on your mission.

Once I eradicate humanity--

Don't move.

I'll return to my planet a hero.

If you don't tell me what is happening,

I'm going to lose my shit.

I am what your people call an extraterrestrial.

(soft dramatic music)

If you kill everyone, you kill me.

Then I won't kill everyone. I will miss you, friend.

I'll miss you too, friend.

Hi. You're taking me home, right?

This is some bullshit.

Being an alien is easier than being a human.

We have evolved past having emotions,

so we are not forced to deal with things

like seasonal depression or road rage.

We also have no roads, so nobody can cut you off,

not even Alpha Draconians,

who are lizard-faced dickheads.

After living on Earth,

I am not just an alien with human emotions.

I am an alien with human memories.

Is there a point where I become more human than alien?

I wanna go home!

I'm not turning around.

You should've thought of that before you got in.

I didn't know we were going all the way to Grandma's house!

Well, now you know, all right?

You can sing the song "Itsy Bitsy Spider" to pass the time.

You are the spider because

everyone hates you and you are itsy bitsy.

You are! And you're mean! I'm not going.

♫ And may God's love be with you ♫

Go ahead. Jump out of the car.

Your lungs will explode.

I'll enjoy washing your guts off the side of the car.

- Turn around, stupid! - What are you doing? Let go!

Get your hands off the wheel!

♫ This is ground control to Major Tom ♫

(both screaming)

♫ You really made the grade ♫

(screaming echoing)

You've suffered fairly significant head trauma.

Are you experiencing any issues with memory loss?

(groaning sigh)

You were pretty dazed when they brought you in here.

They said they found you walking down the road naked.

Do you remember anything?

(soft tense music)

Do you know who you are?

I'm an alien.

♫ ♫

I'm here to kill everyone.

(Brown Bird's "Bilgewater")

(laidback acoustic strumming)

♫ ♫

Improved by Sailor420 Hope you enjoy the show

They have Max.

The military, the mercenaries, whatever the hell they were.

They must have taken him out of the warehouse.

- You don't know that. - I looked everywhere.

Two hours. Inside, outside. I mean, Max is gone.

What the hell am I gonna tell his parents?

Try this. "Your kid is gone.

There was an alien involved."

(sighing) Oh.

I can't do it.

Well, you can't run from this.

I'll be with you every step of the way.

(sighs)

Okay. (takes deep breath)

Thanks for coming with me.

Hell, no. I'm not going. I gotta cook eggs.

(scoffs)

(knock at door)

Hi, Ben. - Asta, come on in.

You're just in time for my famous "Bencakes."

Pancakes with a secret twist. - Okay.

The secret ingredient is brown sugar.

Max.

Family secret ruined.

Asta, hi. Everything okay?

Yes, of course.

I just wanted to check on Max and you both.

I heard there was a break-in last night.

Well, I wanted to know what happened.

Oh, you mean the attempted kidnapping we thwarted?

(snarling and grunting)

Had to rough up some perps, but no B-I-G.

Yeah, the police were here all night

trying to collect evidence, fingerprints, stuff like that.

Wow.

Asta...

you ever looked down the barrel of death?

Stare the devil in the face?

Dad, the blueberries are burning.

Dang it!

Poor Max.

Looks like he hasn't slept a wink.

That is accurate.

Well, I should go. I'm just glad you're safe.

Is that blood?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there was-- there was blood all over us.

- We're safe now. - Yeah, thanks to you.

Mm-mm. Thanks to you.

(both moan)

- You saved me, Daddy. - Our little baby needs saving.

Our little baby needs to be saved.

- Oh, baby. - Yeah, I do.

- Are you okay? Are you scared? - I'm so scared. So upset.

- Are you upset? - Well, I should just--

Yeah, I'll walk her out.

(incoherent baby talk and loud smooching)

What the hell happened to you?

Meet me at the baseball field in 20 minutes.

Okay.

(soft dramatic music)

♫ ♫

See, this is why I keep a fishing rod in the truck.

Plus, you put a french fry on the end,

you can freak the hell out of some pigeons.

Sir, I don't think

Dr. Vanderspeigle would want you fishing off his deck.

Trying to get into the mind of a potential serial killer.

Sick bastard.

He probably sat here fishing just like this.

Doorknob is a match, which means the original French doors

ended up in the lake.

These ones are replacements.

Okay, so what we got here? We got--we got a severed foot.

We got the boot that held the foot

That lets us know it's not just some simple swimming accident.

And then somehow, these doors here,

they end up in the lake.

- What if there was a struggle? - Oh, yeah.

See, I love how your mind works, Deputy.

You're like a true crime podcast.

Go ahead. Pod me. - All right.

What if they fought inside and then Harry threw dead foot guy

through the French doors...

and he lands around here.

(glass shatters) - (grunts)

Yeah, no, I see where you're going.

And then--and then Dr. V, he comes out like this.

(tense music)

Grab you like that, and I throw you in the lake.

You can't. I'm holding your arms.

What if I got an extra set of arms I use to choke you out?

♫ ♫

Like an accomplice?

No, like I was in a radiation accident when I was five,

so my father was a scientist in the lab and then I snuck in

and then I grew a second pair of arms and I fight crime.

Huh.

Think we should wait for the doctor to come home

to talk to him?

No, we don't wanna spook him.

We need to do a deep dive on him first.

We gotta get inside his head,

find out what makes this man tick.

Mm.

We can't half-ass this one.

Stakes are way too high.

You know what? Maybe I'd be better with six arms.

That's better than four.

Hell, I can cut my shower in half if I had six arms.

I'd get my nuts and my butt and my pits,

still have two arms left.

It's a great day to be alive.

♫ ♫

When we crashed, I blacked out.

I woke up right here.

(soft dramatic music)

Watch this.

(feet clanking on hull)

♫ ♫

- Is that the ship? - It's invisible.

(metallic clanks) Cool, right?

Yeah, cool.

Where do you think Harry went?

Not home.

♫ ♫

(gasps) Not without his ship, anyway.

You know, when he left,

I thought I was done with all this shit.

Sorry. - It's okay.

I like that word.

I don't know where the hell he is,

but we gotta find him before someone finds this thing.

♫ ♫

That's his blood. He's hurt.

I gotta go. Don't let anyone near the ship.

♫ ♫

My planet is in your constellation Ursa Major,

which you call the Great Bear.

It is one of three planets that orbits our sun.

And your planet, the planet Earth,

is in one of our constellations.

It--it looks like a giant...human...

boob... and your sun is the nipple.

Well, this is very interesting.

What's the name of your planet?

(percussive alien noises)

(claps and whistles) - Sounds familiar.

(guttural rasp)

(yips) - Think my uncle lived there.

He could never live on my planet.

He's carbon isotope ratio

is less than half the planet's pole magnetism.

(laughs) She's so stupid.

Who else thinks that she is so stupid?

- Let's go this way. - Mm-hmm.

Cousin, I will save you!

The younger ones are the most dangerous.

(snarls) - (screams)

- Sir! - What have you done?

(whimpering)

You have stuffed him.

You bastard!

- Someone get a sedative. - Yes, Doctor.

Don't touch me. Leave me alone!

I'm a superior being!

(laughs)

Nurse, where's that sedative?

(soft dramatic music)

(mouse clicks)

♫ ♫

(knock at door)

Dr. Ethan's late.

I'm sure he'll be here soon.

I heard he hooked up with D'arcy.

Jealous?

I'm busy, Ellen.

I can do without the gossip, okay?

Then I guess you don't wanna know about

D'arcy crushing Jimmy's truck.

What?

I heard D'arcy and Jay cut Jimmy's brakes.

Jay threatened to kill him if he ever went near you.

(whispers) Psycho.

(sniffs)

(phone buzzing)

Hello?

Hey, Asta. It's Cindy over in Braddock.

We had a guy come in who matches your description.

(sighs) Thank God. Is he okay?

He's had a head injury. Thinks he's an alien.

An alien? Um, wow.

Yeah, yeah. That's a head injury.

I will be right there, okay? Thank you.

(heart monitor beeping)

For humans,

memory is a big part of who they believe they are.

If a human's brain is damaged and that memory is affected...

so is their perception of self.

I got news for you, Cozette.

I've got news for you, Cozette.

I got news for you, Cozette. (words echoing)

With a brain that delicate, they should wear helmets.

(gasps and groans)

Where am I? - You hit your head.

Oh, God, I'm so glad you're okay.

I'm glad you are here.

Hey.

I thought Johnny got to you.

You're lucky to be alive.

Harry, are you okay?

Who's Harry? I'm Detective Lennie Briscoe.

(soft quirky dramatic music)

Um, who's Lennie Briscoe?

♫ ♫

(groaning sigh)

Wait, who do you think I am?

You're my informant, Cozette the hooker.

And from the look of you, you've been working all night.

(scoffs)

(upbeat folk music)

(car horn honks)

♫ ♫

♫ Take my hand, come with me ♫

Mrs. Morin, beautiful day, is it not?

(bicycle bell rings)

♫ Come with me ♫

Hello, Mr. Souza.

Hello, Mayor. Heard you had some visitors last night.

Well done.

Just a couple of bad guys came for a visit.

Had to serve them up a little pound cake.

(chuckles) Be well.

♫ And you and me are free to be ♫

♫ You and me ♫

♫ ♫

Deputy, why are you in my office?

Oh, Fred used my phone right after he had an Italian grinder

and I think I may need to throw it out now.

That was the Taos County Sheriff Department.

Looks like they found Dr. Vanderspeigle's truck

in an abandoned warehouse there.

Really?

Taos County. That's in New Mexico.

Interesting.

All right, reach out to him, have him pick it up,

and then make a note of it in our file.

Yes, sir. Thanks for the coffee.

Actually, they're both for me.

(laughs) Sir.

(soft dramatic music)

And you weren't joking.

Both for you. Everything okay?

Everything's fine, Deputy. We got a lot of work to do.

(rock music) (elevator bell rings)

♫ ♫

(indistinct chatter)

(cheers and applause)

Please, please, please. Stop clapping.

I'm--I'm no hero.

(music stops)

(indistinct chatter)

Okay, that was quick.

(soft dramatic music)

♫ ♫

We have a little situation here.

Why is my "Welcome to Patience" sign

in pieces all over my office?

Jimmy Foster's emergency brake failed over on Wilcox.

His pickup took the sign out.

Street crew didn't know what to do with it,

so I told him to file it under your problem, not mine.

(chuckles)

♫ ♫

(sighs)

We gonna have a problem here, Sheriff?

What the hell is that on your foot?

Oh, I think the street term for them is, uh, shitkickers.

Oh, okay.

Let's see what they're called after

I Sharpie a tiny dick on the toe.

♫ ♫

I am putting my foot on the ground,

but not because you are threatening me.

That leg position happens to be aggravating my sciatica.

(chuckles)

♫ ♫

Field's closed!

No, it's not. (freewheel clicking)

(air horn blasts)

You heard him. Field's closed.

There's an underground sewage leak.

Crew's on the way.

It doesn't look like a sewage leak.

It doesn't look like

you understand what the word underground means either.

Go ahead.

Walk across the field and breathe the sewage particulates

into your lungs.

By day two of the infection, your colon blocks off

and poop comes out of your eyes.

It's called eye-arrhea.

Yeah, I told you.

Is that true?

I don't wanna breathe poop particles.

No, I made it up.

I'm quick on my feet,

which will be great when I'm the first person on Mars.

Not first woman, first person.

Now where is it? - Sahar!

(metallic clank)

I'm okay. I'm okay.

♫ ♫

It's not uncommon with head injuries like his.

He needs rest.

He will likely regain his memory again soon.

Mainly just needs somebody to keep an eye on him.

Okay, thanks.

I will definitely keep my eye--

oh, no.

(dramatic pop music)

♫ ♫

♫ Feel the warmth ♫

♫ Feel my blood circling ♫

♫ Feel the warmth ♫

♫ Feel my blood ♫

♫ Circling ♫

♫ ♫

♫ Don't ever make me blue ♫

♫ Don't ever sacrifice ♫

♫ Baby, let's keep it pure ♫

♫ ♫

♫ Pure ♫

♫ ♫

♫ Asiumanniqi ♫

♫ Asiumanniqi

♫ Naniinniqi ♫

Max, time for lunch.

Max?

Normal.

Why are you doing this? I'm not sick.

You've been to outer space, which makes you my Guinea pig.

I need to know the effect of space flight

on the human body before I go to Mars.

Have you experienced any dizzy spells?

No.

- Rapid aging? - No.

Increased intellectual capability?

What?

That's a no.

Max!

Uh-oh, we got a bogey.

Buddy, what are you doing?

You can't just leave the house like that.

Your mother is worried sick, all right?

Let's--let's go.

(newspaper rustling)

What are you waiting for? Let's go. Come on.

We're meeting your mom at the town hall.

Come on. Let's go.

Okay. Yeah, let's--let's go.

- Sahar, do you need a ride? - Yes, please.

Get your bikes. Meet me at the car.

All right, drop your bags! Hats and gloves!

Let's get out there warming up! - Oh, no.

♫ ♫

(rock music)

♫ I see these boys ♫

♫ They say to come through ♫

♫ But ---- that noise ♫

♫ Ain't what I'm into ♫

♫ Get real, get real, get real, get real, get real ♫

Out!

(cheers and applause)

♫ I see these boys, they say I love you ♫

Yes! Way to go, D'arce!

(groans)

Why are the cute ones always the slowest?

- Did we win? - (scoffing chuckle)

(groans)

♫ ♫

Hey, hey, hey. Nice play, skank.

First time you didn't let a guy get to home base.

Oh, you know what? You should try out for the team

'cause your nickname is already ball girl.

And Judy Doodie, Pooper Cooper, Sack Lunch.

Hold up.

What'd you do to your hair? Is that new?

Oh, nothing.

I mean, I've just had-- had this for a long time.

(chuckling) Oh, my God.

Is it, like, the same as yours?

- They're the same. - That's so weird.

- So weird. - What?

Anyway, is this for me?

(clicks tongue) Thank you.

Now it is.

(soft dramatic music)

♫ ♫

The female assailant's eyes,

were they close together or apart?

Mm. Far apart, I--I think.

I wasn't paying a-- a whole lot of attention

the night they came over for dinner.

There was a fish incident.

And then during the fight,

I didn't really get a good look either as I was--you know,

I was really hitting her mostly from behind.

Oh, hell yeah, you were.

He was amazing. You should have seen him.

It was so hot. - (chuckles softly)

You know how it is

when your man just takes care of business.

Yeah, my man takes care of a lot of business so often,

like, all of the time.

The female assailant's nose was it--

thin? - Uh...

yeah, she-- she had kind of, like,

a Disney princess nose. - Mm-hmm.

And she--she turned her head once, you know,

as I was, uh, pounding her.

Pounding her.

And they kept trying to get up

and we just-- we just kept on hitting.

- Hitting. - And hitting.

And hitting and hitting and hitting.

And hitting and--and then-- and then she did.

She--she turned her head at the end.

- Blood everywhere. - And yeah, thin.

Can I have a glass of water?

I think that would be a great idea.

Okay, I am so turned on right now

I just wanna rip your clothes off.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm.

Ew. Here you go.

- Thank you. - (clears throat)

Okey-doke.

Let's, um, talk about her lips.

(gasping) Oh, Jesus.

♫ ♫

Go ahead. They're not looking.

♫ ♫

(phone line trilling)

We've been compromised.

What? What do you mean?

What does that mean?

(sighs)

Operation "Guard the Ship" is in peril.

Max's dad pulled us off the field.

There's a baseball game tonight.

Oh, no. Okay.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

♫ ♫

Excuse me, sir. Have you seen my--

Jesus.

Cozette, I thought Johnny got to you.

He has a long memory and a short temper.

Well, I've been ignoring Johnny's calls.

You know, if you are going to be my CI,

you're going to have to start...spilling.

I pay you a good money to rat. Cough up some cheese.

I know someone who stole a suit.

I need something big.

If you can't help with that, then make yourself useful.

Go get me a street dog

with relish and--and onions.

(keys clatter)

There's been a murder.

♫ ♫

Murder, you say?

Now you are speaking my language.

♫ ♫

(indistinct chatter)

(pleasant music playing)

(slurping)

♫ ♫

So tell me about this guy who died, Harry Venderspundle.

Close.

Um, I don't know. He was--he was a friend.

You were schtupping him.

No, I wasn't schtupping him.

He was annoying, untrustworthy,

thinks he knows everything.

Kind of did, actually.

He also knew nothing.

He was like a child.

Schtupping a child is a class A felony.

Do I need to call Benson and Stabler?

I didn't--look.

I used to come in here a lot with Harry

and he loved those noodles that you're eating.

Do they--do they remind you of anything?

Yeah.

♫ ♫

I was working a homicide case at Tony's on Greenwich.

Do you know the place?

Johnny Sourdough died face first in noodles like this.

One in the brain, two on the balls.

Shooter had daddy issues.

Stop it. You are not a detective.

Please try and remember, okay?

You--

(whispers) You are an alien.

Cozette, I see you're back on the smack.

My name is Asta.

Help me out, man.

- Who keeps yelling? - That'll be me.

- Who said that? - Yeah, you dumb shit.

That stupid soup make your ears stop working?

Do I know you?

Wow, what is going on in your brain?

All I see in there is hookers and red meat.

Let me clean that up for you.

(groaning and shuddering)

- What are you doing? - (gasps)

Asta?

- Harry. - (gasps)

Harry. Oh, thank God.

- God gets the credit? Great. - Is that--

Hello there, human idiot.

Did that octopus just call me an idiot?

My ship. My ship.

I don't usually talk to you guys,

but my friend here needs a little help.

- Harry! - Whoa, whoa!

Tell him to break me out!

I'm Monday chef's special!

(cheers and applause)

(dramatic music)

♫ ♫

- You got this! - You got this, D'arce!

♫ ♫

Go, D'arcy!

Strike!

♫ ♫

(bat cracks) (cheers and applause)

♫ ♫

What?

- Hell is he doing? - Come on!

(booing and protestation)

The ball is lost. The game is over.

What the hell, man?

(grunts)

He fainted.

Not enough players. Go home.

Dude, get away from me.

- Harry, get off the field! - C'mon on, Harry!

C'mon, let's get you off the field.

All right, gotta replay that! Let's go!

(groans softly)

(cheers and applause)

(tense music)

♫ ♫

(mechanical thudding)

- The heck? - Whoa, whoa!

Ball's still live!

You can't see it, that's your issue!

I could have done that.

(soft dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

♫ ♫

It's damaged.

How do you know? You can't even see it.

♫ ♫

(energy thrumming)

Oh, shit!

Well, now you can.

Now everybody can. Great.

(keyboard tapping)

Come on.

What's this? Man, what you doing?

I told you I'll just eat dinner here tonight.

You don't eat to eat alone. I know what today is.

Dad, you-- you didn't have to do this.

Today is--is--it's just a regular day.

Buy him a coffee this morning?

Yeah, Dad, I bought him a coffee.

That's nice.

Closest thing to a show of affection anyone gets from you.

(soft delicate music)

♫ ♫

He died six years ago.

Can't run away from it forever.

♫ ♫

Thanks, Dad.

I can get it to fly.

From here? Harry, someone will see it.

No, no. It is too dark.

We're safe.

(energy thrumming)

Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

(suspenseful music)

♫ ♫

Goodbye, Asta.

♫ ♫

(mechanical whirring)

Is this is some bullshit.

(quirky dramatic music)

♫ ♫

It won't fly.

I can fix it.

(energy thrumming)

Oh, God.

♫ When the rain is all I see ♫

♫ And the black clouds coming for me ♫

♫ Ain't nothing gonna take my fire ♫

You're gonna burn me?

(gasps)

Ah, we got a lot on the bed.

♫ Nobody gonna make me a liar ♫

Dispatch, you got any info on this power situation?

Under arrest.

Oh, easy, girl. - (neighs)

That's what you get for robbing a bank.

Ooh, yeah.

We're running.

Oh, God.

(sobbing)

You know, this shit's getting weird.

♫ Don't matter if the wolves start calling ♫

♫ Get down and get down ♫

(gasps and coughs)

I just need some water.

Harry, you can't fix it.

I have to. If I do not, I am stuck here.

- Oh, this is really bad. - My people.

Harry, you are running out of time, okay?

You cannot fix it. You have to do something.

You can't fix it because if someone sees this,

then things will get worse for you, okay?

(suspenseful music)

Okay.

Step back.

Oh, okay. Is it gonna blow up?

♫ ♫

No.

(crickets chirping)

(water sloshing)

(electricity zapping)

♫ ♫

What is that?

♫ ♫

(grunts softly)

A survival kit.

For what? So you can blend with people on the planet?

No, so we can live long enough to kill everyone.

Excuse me?

But I will just do the first thing.

The blending.

♫ ♫

When I arrived on this planet, things were simpler.

I was an alien

and only focused on what was in front of me.

It took me two weeks to get to Patience.

On the way, I met a dog

who taught me the rules about survival on Earth.

♫ Oh, the devil's on my tail ♫

Simple hygiene...

power dynamics...

♫ I can see the sun thorough the rain ♫

♫ And it feels so good ♫

(upbeat folk music)

(barks excitedly)

Humans do not look forward.

They have memories that force them to look backwards.

The alien in me only failed my mission once,

but the human in me

has relived that failure a thousand times.

Why would I think about it if it's painful?

Maybe humans like pain as much as they like pie.

Mm.

(upbeat folk music playing)

Looks like your leg grew back pretty good.

So you're an alien?

Yes.

And you are Native American.

I am Nuche.

What is Nuche?

It means "The People."

So I should call you Nuche?

You can call me Dan.

My name is difficult for humans to pronounce,

but you can call me (hissing sputter).

It is a nickname.

Huh.

I'll just call you Harry.

Okay, Dan.

♫ ♫

(soft dramatic music)

♫ ♫

Harry!

What is a skin rat doing here eating my cereal?

Harry, you're alive!

I did not consent to this touching.

I thought you were dead. So glad you're okay!

Can you go to the store and buy yourself--

what are those, little trampolines?

Cool.

Yes, then take it

to the ceiling fan store just down the road.

Turn on the overhead ceiling fans

and trampoline into them so that your head chops off.

That's rude. Why are you being mean?

Because you are the reason I am stuck here.

Do you want to see what my spaceship looks like, hmm?

This--this is what is left!

I had the coolest whip in town

and now, I have a box of alien balls.

If it wasn't for you,

I would be on my planet right now

eating delicious tree skin.

It's like pork rinds,

but it doesn't make you vomit.

You can pretend you don't like me,

but I know you do.

You saved my life in the ship.

- I did not. - Yes, you did!

You protected me during the crash!

Like--like you are my dad.

How dare you. You take that back.

- You wanna be my father. - I am your father?

Okay, I'll be your father, and you are a bad boy.

- What? - Yes.

This hurts me as much as it hurts you.

This is so inappropriate.

You are inappropriate.

This is why we can't have nice things!

You can say whatever you want,

but you can't take back what happened.

You saved me because you love me.

I don't even remember the crash.

You know why?

Because you are meaningless to me, you stupid, little jerk.

I know you are, but what am I?

I--no, I did not say that I am a jerk.

I said that you are a jerk.

I know you are, but what am I?

You are not hearing me correctly.

The pronoun is you, not I.

I know you are, but what am I?

(huffs angrily)

I'm going into that room over there.

When I come out, you better be gone,

you dumb, little, shit pocket.

That makes no sense.

Yes, it does.

If you put shit in your pocket.

(soft dramatic music)

♫ ♫

Memories define who these humans are.

And if the memories become too painful

or reveal a side of themselves they don't like,

their brains tuck those memories away.

♫ ♫

I am so happy I am not human.

♫ ♫

Beep, beep.

(chuckles) Yes.

It must be summer if you're bringing out the beast.

"Asta, I'm a beast for you.

I miss your butt ass, so come on, sit on me."

Get in here. Come on.

(upbeat folk music)

♫ Just beyond those clouds, there's sunshine ♫

♫ So bright, it will hurt your eyes ♫

♫ ♫

♫ Oh, I won't lie, you've been on my mind ♫

♫ 'Cause all I ever see ♫

♫ All I ever see is you ♫

You always know when I need something like this.

You know Ethan hasn't come into work for two days?

I had to cover everything.

Ethan.

Ethan? Ethan, Ethan, Ethan.

I can't quite place-- who is that again?

You know. You remember the doctor?

- Yeah, I don't-- - Oh, let me help you.

He worked for Médecins Sans Frontières.

- Mm? - (fake gags)

- Mm. - (chuckles)

Yeah, you hooked up with him and thought I didn't know.

- That Ethan. - Yes.

That's right. (both chuckle)

Well, I guess we both know each other's secrets now.

Jay told me.

Oh,

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jay.

Don't be.

I should have known, first of all.

You guys are pretty much identical.

Like, duh.

Well, you guys have a lot in common.

I heard you two had an adventure the other night.

- (chuckles) Right. - Uh-huh.

You remember when Mrs. Pinkham

assigned us "Beowulf" in school?

Yeah.

Yeah, and Molly Swenson called me a bitch,

so you dumped your food tray on her and called her Grendel.

Oh, that was awesome. - Yeah, epic.

So, like, Jimmy's the new Grendel.

Sometimes you gotta slay a monster for your best friend.

♫ ♫

Come here. - Aw, man.

That's like the most romantic thing

anyone's ever said to me.

- That can't be true. - (chuckling) That's so true.

(tense music)

♫ ♫

Harry?

Harry!

♫ ♫

What are you doing?

I thought you were drowning!

I was thinking.

Can't an alien think underwater without being disturbed?

(coughs) - You have gills?

Ugh!

You lungers.

You are very judgmental. Mm.

(soft dramatic music)

You might have a concussion.

I wanted to make sure you were okay,

but I found you face down in the water,

which I guess is normal for you, so...

cool.

We started as water beings.

I guess that explains the weird, talking octopus.

All octopuses can talk.

They just don't like talking to humans.

Number 42 only talked to you because you are with me.

- His name is number 42? - On the menu.

Octopus in black bean sauce. Number 42.

And you wonder why they aren't speaking to humans.

Octopuses are our descendants.

They are the closest thing to my people on Earth.

I miss my people.

I should not be here.

I am not Nuche. - Mm.

You've been talking to my dad?

My family is very far away.

You know, on Earth,

you don't really have to be related to be family.

In fact, you don't have to be like them at all.

Then how are they family?

(soft dramatic music)

♫ ♫

Sometimes family is just

the people in your life that you love,

that you'd do anything for.

Dan is family, D'arcy is family too.

- I kissed D'arcy. - (chuckles)

Yeah, she mentioned that.

Her eyelid tasted like a potato chip.

(laughs)

You know, kissing doesn't normally include

tasting someone's eyelid.

(chuckles)

I know this is hard for you.

It's a bad feeling to be stuck anywhere,

especially somewhere you hate.

Like you were with Jimmy.

Yeah, I try not to think about that.

It helps, though, to surround yourself in nature,

people you care about.

They take away the bad feelings.

Human memory is very powerful.

It is more than just knowledge of what has been.

It contains feelings of that moment.

Memories connect humans even when they are apart,

memories of someone you've lost.

♫ ♫

Is that coffee for me?

That coffee is for you.

♫ ♫

This is for you, too.

♫ ♫

Let's get to work.

♫ ♫

Memories of traumatic experiences can take you back

to the event days or weeks, even years after it happened.

(screams)

Max? Max, I'm coming!

♫ ♫

Honey, are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine. - What happened?

I thought I saw a mouse, but it was just a sock.

Oh, buddy.

- Is everything okay? - Yeah, he's fine.

I'm just still so freaked out after what happened.

Why are you wearing that?

Daddy's just playing a little dress-up.

Go and get some sleep, okay, champ?

Honey? (clicks tongue)

- Yeah. - Let's go.

- See you in the morning, bud. - Goodnight.

Oh, goodnight.

(quirky dramatic music)

♫ ♫

(owl calls)

But memories can also connect people

and remind them of better times.

Ethan?

You here?

(soft dramatic music)

♫ ♫

Heard you blew off work.

♫ ♫

What the hell?

(suspenseful music)

♫ ♫

(panting)

(indistinct chatter)

Dude, it's about time you came back.

The chef here is a sicko.

Last night, I swear he fed me octopus.

Are we family?

Um, yeah, I guess so.

I mean, I'm not, like, I'll help you move family,

but more, like, I'll see you at the reunion and say,

"Well, you got fat" family.

I am afraid I am becoming too human.

I need family to remind me who I am.

Well, in that case, break me out of here

and we can be roomies, but you have to do it quick.

Your people will be here soon.

- What do you mean? - Oh, didn't you know?

Pretty obvious you didn't complete your mission.

They'll just send someone else to kill everyone for you.

Everyone? Including Asta?

Uh, yeah, Asta? Is--the human?

Yes, she's a human, so yes.

This cannot happen.

(dramatic music)

I should not care about saving Asta.

She is human.

I know she is, but what am I?

♫ I don't know what really, really happens ♫

♫ At the end of the road ♫

Run, you elegant bastard, run!

♫ I don't know what really, really happens ♫

♫ At the end of the road ♫

♫ I--I--I--I don't know what really, really happens ♫

♫ At the end of the road ♫

♫ But my trip is mad ♫

♫ I ain't finished, I got loads ♫

♫ I think I'm up for the challenge ♫

♫ To show I got me some mileage ♫

♫ I got a car and a cottage ♫

♫ I got Suzanne in my baggage ♫