Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

We now return to hour four of the "Hoarders" marathon.

His daughter told us it was bad,

but nothing prepared us for this.

Let's watch something else, Butt-Head.

[snickers] - Uh...

no way.

Those chicks at school said they love this show.

And now we must figure out why

so that we can score with them. [chortles]

You've hit rock bottom,

but we are going to help you get your life back.

[sobbing]

Whoa!

Whoa, she is really into this dude.

Look at that. - Whoa.

You think she's gonna score with him?

- Uh... - [snickers]

Of course she is.

Just look at her go. [chuckles]

Ooh, things are getting out of hand here.

Whoa. [snickering]

No wonder chicks love this show.

They like to score with disgusting hoarder dudes.

[sniggling]

We know what we have to do. [remote clicks]

It is time to become hoarders.

Let's fill this house with garbage.

[both chuckling] - Cool.

Damn it, Beavis.

How are we gonna fill this house with garbage

when it's full of all this crap you left on the floor?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I guess we better clean it up.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

And done.

[grunts] We did it. Yeah.

We sure did. [chuckles]

And now let's get to work. [chortles]

[grunting]

[clattering]

[grunts]

Hello.

I'm Gary Ray Smith, the Knitting Man.

Welcome to my first episode for my YouTube channel.

This episode is called "How I Learned to Knit."

Huh.

Oh, boy. [snickers]

Did you get that, Beavis?

It's called, "How I Learned to Knit."

[chuckling]

The Knitting Man's origin story.

[laughing]

The boring-gin story. [snickers]

So first of all, I want to say why I started--

By day, he's an interesting man that people wanna be with.

But then by night, he becomes Knitting Man,

the most boring person alive.

[both chortling]

He bores his enemies to death. [snickers]

Able to put an entire building

full of people to sleep with one story.

[both guffawing]

Look up there. It's somebody cool.

It's somebody I wanna hang out with.

No, it's Knitting Man.

[chortling]

So it looks like there aren't any floats,

and I say it's a no-float method,

but really, there are floats.

They're just one stitch long.

What a lying sack of crap he is.

He just said there are no floats,

but there are floats!

See? - Yeah, really. [chuckles]

Kids could be watching this.

I mean, it's one thing to bore everyone to death,

but don't lie. [snickers]

I mean, the truth is boring enough!

My wife, by the way, is called the Knitting Widow

because she--

Because she wants to kill me. [chuckling]

People often ask me, "Does your wife knit?"

And the answer is, she can--

His wife is made out of yarn.

[both laughing]

[upbeat acoustic music] - [inaudible]

[chuckles]

Why are you doing this with your life?

[both snickering]

[both grunting]

[shattering]

[chortling]

And some of that.

[both grunting]

[clattering]

There we go.

Now let's go check out our new chick magnet.

[clattering]

Whoa.

This is cool. [chuckles]

Cool. [snickers]

We're hoarders now.

It's time to go tell those chicks at school.

[chuckles]

And then we'll bring 'em back here

and let nature take its course.

[both snickering]

Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.

[sniggling]

Um, uh, Butt-Head?

Um, where's the door?

Uh...

I don't know. [chuckles]

Um...

maybe it's this way.

[clattering]

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this looks familiar.

Uh, here we go.

[clattering]

Oh.

We're here again. [snickers]

Uh, maybe it's this way.

[chuckles]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[clattering] [grunting]

Okay, okay. Here we go.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think the door's over here.

Chicks, here we come.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

Right this way. [snickers]

[clattering]

Eh.

Oh, this is it. Yeah.

Um...[chuckles]

Um, uh, is this the same place?

Uh, I think so.

[chuckles] - Um...

um, Butt-Head?

We can't find the door. [snickers]

Are we stuck in here forever?

Uh...

this sucks. [chortles]

Uh, where's the door, damn it?

[chuckles] - Um...

I can't remember if the house used to have a door.

[snickering]

It had walls. I do remember that.

[snickers] They were cool.

But, um, you know, you gotta admit,

um, it's kinda cozy this way, you know?

Pretty cozy. Yeah.

[snickers]

Uh...

I think the door is over there. [chuckles]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh, don't touch the newspapers.

No. [snickers]

Uh, why not?

I just like 'em where they are.

Don't touch 'em. [snickers]

They're just old newspapers, dumbass.

Yeah. But I-I might wanna read 'em.

You can't even read.

I might learn, though, you know?

From the newspapers, you know?

Like, maybe there's, like, a "How to Read" section

in there or something. Just don't take 'em.

[snickers]

I have to move the damn newspapers

so we can get out of the damn house.

They're good newspapers.

Those newspapers are worth $200, I bet.

Yeah. I could sell 'em.

Don't touch 'em.

Beavis, you butthole.

We finally became hoarders and now all you wanna do

is hang on to all this stuff you don't need.

[chortles]

Those chicks are at school right now,

waiting to score with us.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah, scoring.

Yeah, sorry, Butt-Head, I just got a little crazy here.

I forgot what's really important.

Let's go score. [snickers]

Good. [chuckles]

Or are you just trying to trick me out of my newspapers?

[snickers] - Damn it, Beavis.

No!

- [grunts] - Uh...

No! No, no!

No! Ahh!

Butt-Head. [grunts, coughs]

Butt-Head.

Butt-Head, can you hear me? [grunts]

Are the newspapers okay?

[grunting]

Can you see 'em? [snickers]

Beavis, you're a dumbass. [chuckles]

I'm getting used to it in here.

It's nice.

Very comforting.

Ahh. [snickering]

[clattering]

Whoa.

After all that crap fell on you, I can, like,

see the window and stuff.

We can escape.

I'm gonna climb out of here and go talk to those chicks.

[chuckles]

Fine. Go ahead. [chuckles]

Well, I'm leaving, Beavis.

Good. Yeah. [snickers]

Got everything I need right here.

Got newspapers and--

and the darkness and, um--

whoa.

Whoa, there's some empty cans. [snickering]

That reminds me of when I was a kid.

Yeah. [snickers]

Okay, Beavis.

If that's the way you want it,

I'll go score by myself. [chortles]

Yeah, maybe bring some chicks back too, you know,

if they like empty cans, you know.

[both chuckling]

[grunting]

[rumbling]

Uh...

ahh!

[clattering]

[grunts] Damn it.

[chuckles]

Whoa, look.

I bet this mayonnaise is still good.

[snickering]

If I ever get out of here,

I'm gonna kill you, Beavis.

[chortling]

Don't wanna eat it yet, though. [snickers]

It could be worth something, you know?

Yeah. It's a collectible. [snickers]

[machinery rumbling]

[crashing]

Oh, no.

Now we gotta halt construction

while the police come check this out.

Well, I didn't see it if you didn't see it.

[both grunt]

[rock music]