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1
00:00:01,476 --> 00:00:04,379
[bluesy rock music]
2
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:08,183
♪ ♪
3
00:00:11,787 --> 00:00:15,725
Um, I don't think
it's gonna happen, Butt-Head.
4
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,260
Just be patient, Beavis.
5
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,062
It'll happen.
6
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:22,031
Come on, Butt-Head.
We've been waiting too long.
7
00:00:22,031 --> 00:00:24,299
Let's go--whoa!
Whoa, it's happening.
8
00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:26,401
It's really happening.
9
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:29,071
I told you so, Beavis.
10
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:31,641
That teddy bear's
taking a dump.
11
00:00:31,641 --> 00:00:34,309
Worth the wait.
12
00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:35,645
Plop.
13
00:00:35,645 --> 00:00:37,012
Hey.
14
00:00:37,012 --> 00:00:38,447
Is that your dog?
15
00:00:38,447 --> 00:00:41,116
Uh, no.
16
00:00:41,116 --> 00:00:42,985
That was a dog?
17
00:00:42,985 --> 00:00:47,156
Typical, these rich jerks pay
$5,000 for a designer dog.
18
00:00:47,156 --> 00:00:49,224
Then they don't
pick up after it.
19
00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:53,162
Whoa, $5,000?
20
00:00:53,963 --> 00:00:56,065
Yeah, they crossbreed
two types of dogs.
21
00:00:56,065 --> 00:00:58,000
Then they sell the puppies
for thousands
22
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,670
while regular dogs rot
in the pound.
23
00:01:00,670 --> 00:01:02,738
Beavis, did you hear that?
24
00:01:02,738 --> 00:01:05,474
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
he said "pound."
25
00:01:05,474 --> 00:01:08,443
No, dumbass, that guy said
if we can get a dog
26
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,945
to score with another dog,
27
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:12,447
people will give us money
for the dog babies.
28
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:15,685
Whoa, really?
That's cool.
29
00:01:15,685 --> 00:01:18,287
Beavis,
we must begin breeding.
30
00:01:20,022 --> 00:01:23,693
Breeding means score.
[both chuckle]
31
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:29,064
I saw a dog around here yesterday.
32
00:01:29,064 --> 00:01:31,500
Was it in a tree
or something?
33
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:35,204
Whoa, there it is.
34
00:01:37,707 --> 00:01:40,776
I thought that was,
like, a bear or something.
35
00:01:40,776 --> 00:01:43,012
Well, it's a dog now.
36
00:01:43,012 --> 00:01:45,781
As long as it's got four legs
and a schlong,
37
00:01:45,781 --> 00:01:49,118
it's gonna score
until we get $5,000.
38
00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:51,821
Lucky bastard.
39
00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:54,023
Get him, Beavis.
40
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,060
Hey there, doggie.
41
00:01:58,060 --> 00:01:59,628
Good boy or something.
42
00:01:59,729 --> 00:02:01,463
Who's a good--ow!
43
00:02:01,463 --> 00:02:04,033
Ahh, bad dog!
Damn it!
44
00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:06,468
Son of a bitch, ahh!
Butt-Head, help me!
45
00:02:06,468 --> 00:02:07,937
Ahh, Butt-Head, help!
46
00:02:07,937 --> 00:02:09,504
Damn it, Beavis,
don't hurt its schlong.
47
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:13,242
- I'll kick your ass!
- He needs it to score.
48
00:02:13,242 --> 00:02:16,245
Damn it, ahh!
49
00:02:18,147 --> 00:02:20,249
We got him where we want him, Beavis.
50
00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:22,818
Now get in there.
51
00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:24,286
I don't know, Butt-Head.
52
00:02:24,286 --> 00:02:26,621
He's kind of, like,
mad or something.
53
00:02:26,756 --> 00:02:28,090
He's not mad.
54
00:02:28,090 --> 00:02:29,792
He just wants us
to take him to the park,
55
00:02:29,792 --> 00:02:33,028
so he can, like, get busy.
56
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:36,365
Really?
'Cause he seems kind of mad.
57
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,368
Let me see.
58
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:41,070
Ow, ahh!
59
00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:45,007
Okay, Beavis, get in there
and gain his trust.
60
00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:47,076
Butthole, ahh!
61
00:02:47,076 --> 00:02:49,578
You better not be hurting
its schlong in there.
62
00:02:49,578 --> 00:02:52,214
Ahh, ahh!
63
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:55,284
We're gonna be millionaires.
64
00:02:57,319 --> 00:02:59,588
Damn it, Beavis,
keep him under control.
65
00:02:59,588 --> 00:03:02,992
He's gonna scare off
all the hot dog chicks.
66
00:03:02,992 --> 00:03:06,595
Quiet down, boy.
You know what I'm saying?
67
00:03:06,595 --> 00:03:09,164
Good boy.
68
00:03:10,132 --> 00:03:14,103
Uh, hello lady dogs.
69
00:03:14,103 --> 00:03:16,806
How do we make our dog,
like, want to score?
70
00:03:16,806 --> 00:03:18,841
Our dog is cool, Beavis.
71
00:03:18,841 --> 00:03:22,077
It wants to score all the time
like a normal person.
72
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,479
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.
73
00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:26,215
We taught him well.
74
00:03:26,215 --> 00:03:29,684
We need to find, like,
the perfect chick dog,
75
00:03:29,819 --> 00:03:33,188
and then, like,
let nature take its course.
76
00:03:36,325 --> 00:03:39,261
So which dog should
our dog score with?
77
00:03:41,530 --> 00:03:45,100
Uh, too dirty.
78
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:48,703
Looks like it's made
out of nut sack.
79
00:03:48,838 --> 00:03:53,843
Uh, that one will, like,
scare his boner off.
80
00:03:53,843 --> 00:03:55,477
Aw, that one seems nice.
81
00:03:55,477 --> 00:03:56,846
She's got a nice face,
you know.
82
00:03:56,846 --> 00:04:01,083
We want him to score with it,
not marry it.
83
00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:03,618
That one's got nice hair.
84
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,891
Uh, I think she's,
like, taken or something.
85
00:04:08,891 --> 00:04:12,227
[both chuckling]
86
00:04:12,227 --> 00:04:15,264
- Whoa.
- Ooh, yeah.
87
00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:17,532
That's what I'm talking about.
88
00:04:17,532 --> 00:04:19,368
That dog is hot.
89
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:23,405
It's like boi-oi-oi-oing!
90
00:04:23,405 --> 00:04:26,375
Come to Butt-Head's dog.
91
00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:29,444
Well, polish up
your dog schlong
92
00:04:29,444 --> 00:04:32,882
because you're about to score.
93
00:04:32,882 --> 00:04:34,216
Hey, best pal-y.
I'm Ali.
94
00:04:34,216 --> 00:04:36,385
And you may remember me
from such things
95
00:04:36,385 --> 00:04:38,287
as covering my car
in blue AstroTurf.
96
00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:40,489
Well, as I've been driving
my fake grass around,
97
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,557
I couldn't help but think,
fake is good,
98
00:04:42,557 --> 00:04:44,526
but living is more outrageous.
99
00:04:44,526 --> 00:04:47,897
Can I turn my car
into a giant Chia Pet.
100
00:04:47,897 --> 00:04:51,633
Uh, oh, boy.
101
00:04:52,801 --> 00:04:54,536
Wow.
102
00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:58,773
You think this girl ever, like,
gets tired of herself?
103
00:04:58,908 --> 00:05:02,811
No, 'cause I think other
people being tired of her
104
00:05:02,912 --> 00:05:04,813
gives her energy.
105
00:05:04,914 --> 00:05:07,582
She, like, feeds off of it.
106
00:05:07,582 --> 00:05:09,751
This is a car-pet,
but I want to cultivate
107
00:05:09,751 --> 00:05:11,320
a lush, growing car-den.
108
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,388
She's trying to, like,
be entertaining
109
00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:16,425
with every single word
she says.
110
00:05:16,425 --> 00:05:20,529
She just never talks in
a normal voice or a normal way.
111
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:26,268
It's like this entire video
is one long sentence.
112
00:05:26,268 --> 00:05:30,973
Yeah, life sentence,
I tell ya.
113
00:05:30,973 --> 00:05:34,643
I bet she's, like,
really difficult to watch.
114
00:05:34,643 --> 00:05:39,448
Yeah, yeah, uh, we are
watching her, Butt-Head.
115
00:05:39,448 --> 00:05:42,952
And it is difficult.
I was right.
116
00:05:44,253 --> 00:05:46,455
And, of course,
into vans that you rent
117
00:05:46,455 --> 00:05:48,257
and drive Lyft around.
118
00:05:48,257 --> 00:05:50,960
She's quirky.
119
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,963
I'm glad I'm not quirky.
120
00:05:53,963 --> 00:05:55,664
Me too.
121
00:05:55,664 --> 00:05:59,501
I have no quirks,
and I'm happy about it.
122
00:06:00,335 --> 00:06:03,238
I mean,
I still sniff glue sometimes,
123
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,706
but that's not really a quirk,
you know.
124
00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:08,077
It's more like,
you know, an addiction.
125
00:06:08,777 --> 00:06:10,479
Still been too busy coming up
with dumb ideas
126
00:06:10,479 --> 00:06:12,047
and then executing them.
127
00:06:12,047 --> 00:06:14,849
I don't know how she lives
with herself, really.
128
00:06:14,984 --> 00:06:19,521
Uh, yeah, I think,
in between every shot,
129
00:06:19,521 --> 00:06:22,257
she sleeps for like 22 hours.
130
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,792
Oh, yeah, yeah.
131
00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:26,628
I got 30 pounds of chia,
and I thought,
132
00:06:26,628 --> 00:06:29,298
that might be too much,
so I made it 60 pounds
133
00:06:29,298 --> 00:06:30,565
just to be sure it's too much.
134
00:06:30,565 --> 00:06:32,567
Like, your mouth works,
ma'am.
135
00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:35,637
You can stop testing it.
136
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:37,506
One thing I'll say
about this is,
137
00:06:37,506 --> 00:06:41,710
it makes me glad
that I never do projects.
138
00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:44,413
Accomplishment sucks.
139
00:06:44,413 --> 00:06:46,515
[chuckles]
140
00:06:46,515 --> 00:06:48,083
Focus on the car.
141
00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:51,886
I'm covering this car
with my need for attention.
142
00:06:52,021 --> 00:06:54,023
[chuckling]
143
00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:57,292
Is there a way to, like,
turn down her personality?
144
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,828
Like on the TV, you know?
145
00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:04,133
Uh, maybe in, like,
advanced settings
146
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:08,203
under, like, motion blur.
147
00:07:09,071 --> 00:07:11,440
It's gonna take three weeks
to get my ID,
148
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,708
so subscribe and stay tuned
because I'm sure
149
00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:15,477
I'll show you how stupid I look
in the final picture
150
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,878
in a future video.
151
00:07:16,878 --> 00:07:18,547
What an asshole.
152
00:07:18,547 --> 00:07:21,050
[chuckling]
153
00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:23,152
[laughing]
154
00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:27,389
Wow, I've never heard
you say that, Butt-Head.
155
00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:30,225
I've never needed
to say it before.
156
00:07:30,225 --> 00:07:33,062
And this time,
it needed to be said.
157
00:07:33,062 --> 00:07:37,166
[upbeat music]
158
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:40,569
You know, when they say,
like, the internet is bad,
159
00:07:40,569 --> 00:07:42,971
like, bad for mankind,
160
00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:46,175
they mean this.
161
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:48,577
You might get diar-chia.
162
00:07:49,478 --> 00:07:51,413
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
163
00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:53,515
That dog's got it
in all the right places.
164
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,417
Yeah.
165
00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:57,486
Uh, dog?
166
00:07:57,486 --> 00:07:59,621
We have found your dog chick.
167
00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:02,257
And now you must score.
168
00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:04,559
[both chuckle]
169
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:07,796
You know, I wish a dog
would make me score.
170
00:08:07,796 --> 00:08:10,099
That would be cool,
but then, like,
171
00:08:10,099 --> 00:08:11,900
the dog would get
all the money.
172
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,103
So what?
I still scored.
173
00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:16,338
Everything's not always
about money, Butt-Head.
174
00:08:16,338 --> 00:08:18,107
If your job is scoring,
175
00:08:18,107 --> 00:08:21,276
you'll never work a day
in your life.
176
00:08:21,276 --> 00:08:22,711
There she is, boy.
177
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,113
Now remember everything
we told you.
178
00:08:24,113 --> 00:08:26,115
This is where
it all pays off.
179
00:08:26,115 --> 00:08:28,150
Go!
180
00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,486
Uh...
181
00:08:31,486 --> 00:08:33,522
where'd he go?
182
00:08:33,522 --> 00:08:36,725
[raccoon chittering]
183
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,927
Whoa, he's scoring.
184
00:08:38,927 --> 00:08:41,763
Yeah, yeah, look at him go.
185
00:08:41,763 --> 00:08:43,932
[dog yelping]
186
00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:46,535
Butt-Head,
are they supposed to be biting
187
00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:48,437
and scratching so much?
188
00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:50,272
It doesn't look that fun.
189
00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:53,142
Well, some people don't
enjoy scoring, Beavis.
190
00:08:53,142 --> 00:08:55,144
Maybe it's just not your thing.
191
00:08:55,144 --> 00:08:57,446
No, no, no,
I mean, it looks cool.
192
00:08:57,446 --> 00:08:59,013
I just--you know.
193
00:08:59,148 --> 00:09:00,849
No, no, it's okay, Beavis.
194
00:09:00,849 --> 00:09:02,884
Maybe you're just
not old enough.
195
00:09:02,884 --> 00:09:04,586
Don't let anyone pressure you
into something
196
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:05,787
you're not ready for.
197
00:09:05,787 --> 00:09:07,156
Shut up, Butt-Head!
Shut up.
198
00:09:07,156 --> 00:09:11,193
I'm really into it.
Yeah, get it.
199
00:09:11,193 --> 00:09:12,694
Get off of him!
200
00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,028
[dog yelping]
201
00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:16,765
Come on, Rufus.
You poor boy.
202
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,333
I'm taking you
right to the vet!
203
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:21,703
Hey, you've got, like,
half our dog babies in there.
204
00:09:21,703 --> 00:09:23,272
Yeah, our dog scored.
205
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:26,408
And that's where dog babies
come from or something.
206
00:09:26,408 --> 00:09:28,243
Hey.
207
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:32,147
Did I hear him say that
his dog was, like, a boy?
208
00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:36,751
Uh, oh, yeah.
I think he did.
209
00:09:36,751 --> 00:09:40,655
Then who's gonna
have the puppies?
210
00:09:42,691 --> 00:09:45,527
That dumbass
took the wrong dog.
211
00:09:45,527 --> 00:09:48,430
[chuckles]
212
00:09:50,265 --> 00:09:52,567
[raccoon shrieks]
213
00:09:52,567 --> 00:09:55,204
[glass shattering]
214
00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:56,705
It's dark.
215
00:09:56,705 --> 00:10:00,742
[heavy rock music]
216
00:10:00,742 --> 00:10:03,712
[bluesy rock music]
217
00:10:03,712 --> 00:10:10,919
♪ ♪
218
00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:25,800
[chiming noises]
219
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,402
Chirp.
15250
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