Original subtitles

[military marching band music]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

And that's the reason why human beings

have teeth in their mouth and not in their buttholes.

Oh, yeah? I never knew why that was.

Wow. Hee hee hee.

You're pretty smart, Butt-Head. Heh heh heh.

Yeah. Ha ha.

[grunting]

Uh, Butt-Head, the school is closed.

Ha. What's going on?

Uh... hmm.

It must be like spring break or something.

[chuckles]

Isn't spring break when everyone, like, parties

on the beach and stuff?

How come we never do that?

Uh, I think you got to go to, like,

the Jersey Shore or something. [giggling]

Where's the Jersey Shore?

Uh, I think it's in Florida. Hee hee hee.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, cool. Heh.

So like, um, how do you get to Florida?

Uh...

I think most people go with their bros or something.

Oh, cool, yeah. Hee hee.

Do we have bros?

Uh... no. Ha ha.

I think we're, like, too cool or something.

[chuckles]

Whoa.

Beavis, I think I just thought of the coolest way

to get to Florida. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[both snickering]

Okay, Beavis.

We're gonna mail ourselves to spring break.

Hee hee hee hee. This is gonna be cool.

Spring break, here we come.

Just gotta put a stamp on it.

[grunting]

[thump] - Aah!

Hurry up, I think I hear the mail truck.

[both chuckling]

We're gonna party. [chuckling]

Spring break, here we come.

I can't believe this actually worked.

And it only cost $0.58.

Uh, are we almost to Florida, Butt-Head?

[truck beeping] - Uh... we better be,

or this mailman is a real butthole.

[both grunting, muttering]

Uh...

Ahh... heh heh.

Uh, whoa.

Heh heh. Florida's even cooler than I thought.

Yeah. Feels really good to be on the beach, you know?

[seagull crying]

Boy, the ocean really smells terrible, doesn't it?

It's all the dumbass fish.

[snickers]

Well, um, where are all the chicks, Butt-Head?

Uh, I think they all sleep late,

because they're tired from scoring all night.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right.

Well, when they wake up,

they're gonna wanna see a gun show.

So let's get down to it.

Here we go. Heh.

Come and get it. Yeah.

[snickering]

I'm just gonna lay down here and catch me some rays.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this is the life. Ow!

Ah!

I got, like, a nail in my back. Ah! Ha.

This place just gets cooler and cooler.

Ha ha. Now, let's go find some Jell-O shots or something.

Yeah, yeah.

[both chuckling]

[thunder rumbling]

Yeah, spring break kicks ass. Yeah.

Today we are visiting

the Reptile Discovery Center,

located in DeLand, Florida.

This location is also a Medtoxin Venom Laboratory.

Good morning, Carl. - Coyote, how you doing?

Welcome. - Good, how are you?

- Thank you for coming. - Mara.

Hey, Coyote. Welcome.

Oh, God. His name is Coyote?

Coyote is, like, Native American

for "lives in his car."

[both chuckling]

We have the capability to really pile it out...

- Oh, my gosh. - When they need to.

We are returning these snakes

to their natural habitat,

a plastic box from the Container Store.

[chuckling]

Yeah, no, no, the snakes really like it in there.

They do, yeah.

[chuckling]

Check it out, Butt-Head.

You know what I don't understand?

When they put the containers in the Container Store,

what do they put them in?

Because, um--because you know, really,

the Container Store itself is a container, you know?

Hee hee hee.

What's with these people, you know?

Heh heh heh heh.

Uh, are you trying to be funny?

Yeah. Yeah, I am. Heh heh heh.

I'm still working it out a little bit,

you know what I mean?

You can store things in the container,

and they sell it at the Container Store.

What's that about?

Heh heh heh. What about that, is that--

well, there's something there, you know 'cause... ha.

Because a store, you know, and the container--

let's see here.

Yeah. So the container was in the--

- Uh... - There's a...

What are you writing? [snickering]

Oh this?

Oh, it's just a picture of a schlong, see?

You know, it's like a note to myself, you know.

I hope this snake bites you... hee hee...

so you'll die.

Oh, yeah.

Wow, that is a big eastern diamondback!

I think I just went to the bathroom

in my pants a little bit. Holy--

There's a bathroom in his pants?

[both chuckling]

He went to the bathroom in his pants

more than a little bit. - Whoa!

Yeah, yeah. The whole top part of his pants is soaked.

[giggling]

I'm just going to go like this, and--

I guess it's good to have a bathroom in your pants

if you live in your car, you know.

Heh heh heh heh. Oh, wait a second.

Wait, I think I got something here. Heh.

Yeah, yeah, you know, there's a bathroom in my pants,

and I'm in the Container Store, so my--

no, that's not it.

Oh, oh, yeah.

My pants contain a bathroom.

It's a container of-- of pee, or something.

I-I'll work it out later on the road, you know.

But, um, heh, wanna...

yeah, but there's something here.

This is good, yeah. [giggling]

Gotta draw another schlong here so I won't forget.

[snickering]

[birds cawing]

Now, Butt-Head, how come there's still no chicks

here at spring break? Hee hee.

They'll be here soon, Beavis.

And when they get here, they're gonna wanna chicken fight

with two hot dudes in the pool.

And then everyone falls in the water,

and one thing leads to another...

[chuckles]

Oh, yeah. Ha.

Um, Butt-Head?

The water's, like, stinging my legs really bad.

Uh, do you need another Jell-O shot?

Uh, I don't think that was Jell-O, 'cause it was,

like, in an old milk carton.

And it was, like, gray.

Uh, I think it was gray

'cause it had so much vodka in it.

Then I guess I'll have another one.

But, um, but Butt-Head, um,

what if the chicks aren't coming?

What if they're at a different beach,

having a wet T-shirt contest or a foam party or something,

and we're missing it? [giggling]

Damn it, that butthole mailman

took us to the wrong beach.

- Ugh. Oh, boy. - [snickering]

Well, Jersey Shore has gotta be around here somewhere.

Whoa, Butt-Head!

Let's take that car to Jersey Shore.

Oh, yeah. Hee hee.

Arrive in style.

In our new set of wheels, yeah.

Uh, chicks, here we come.

[chuckling]

Do you think it'll start?

Who cares? Heh heh.

When the chicks see that we have our own car,

it won't even matter if it runs.

[rumbling]

Whoa!

Whoa, here we go! It works.

And I think it's flying, too. Yeah.

Beavis, we are on our way to party our asses off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Spring break kicks ass. Yeah. Heh heh.

Ladies, here we come.

[metal grinding]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

[chiming noises]

Chirp.