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1
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[rock music]
2
00:00:04,423 --> 00:00:07,626
♪ ♪
3
00:00:07,626 --> 00:00:10,395
[gentle music]
4
00:00:10,395 --> 00:00:13,097
Are you there, God?
It's me, Beavis.
5
00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:14,733
[chuckles]
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00:00:14,733 --> 00:00:16,801
I know you're busy, like,
killing terminators
7
00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:19,771
and kicking Jesus' ass
and stuff,
8
00:00:19,771 --> 00:00:22,507
but I've been noticing some
changes happening to my body,
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00:00:22,507 --> 00:00:24,609
and I don't know what to do.
10
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:27,846
It all started
a few days ago at school.
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00:00:27,846 --> 00:00:29,348
Mm-kay, class,
12
00:00:29,348 --> 00:00:33,117
today we're talking about
the wonders of puberty.
13
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,987
[slide clicks]
Puberty is a funny word
14
00:00:35,987 --> 00:00:40,659
for when your body gets serious
about growing and developing.
15
00:00:40,659 --> 00:00:42,627
[skunk growling]
- Whoa. [chuckles]
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Check it out.
17
00:00:44,763 --> 00:00:47,432
That cat's got whipped cream
on its mouth.
18
00:00:47,432 --> 00:00:49,468
You should, like,
get us some, Beavis.
19
00:00:49,468 --> 00:00:50,735
Yeah, yeah.
20
00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:52,837
Yeah, whipped cream
kicks ass.
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00:00:52,837 --> 00:00:55,073
Here, kitty.
Nice kitty.
22
00:00:55,073 --> 00:00:56,107
Hey, it likes me.
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[screams]
[skunk growling]
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[chuckles]
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00:00:59,177 --> 00:01:03,247
So it's important not to
compare yourself to others.
26
00:01:03,382 --> 00:01:06,718
In fact, I myself
did not go through puberty
27
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:09,220
until I was--
[thud]
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- That cat kicked your ass.
- [groaning] Ow!
29
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[chuckles]
30
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That's when I first noticed
my body was changing.
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Mostly bleeding and stuff.
[chuckles]
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[hip-hop music]
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* I love the way ♪
34
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Boy, their mechanic uniforms
are clean.
35
00:01:31,576 --> 00:01:32,911
Yeah, they're usually
all covered
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00:01:32,911 --> 00:01:34,913
with, like, grease
and oil and stuff.
37
00:01:34,913 --> 00:01:37,882
It's probably just because
they're not fixing any cars,
38
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they're just, like,
doing it with girls.
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Here at TT Auto,
40
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we won't fix your car,
41
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but we will have sex
with your women. [chuckles]
42
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That's the TT guarantee. Yeah.
43
00:01:50,995 --> 00:01:52,764
[both chuckling]
44
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,699
If we don't score
with your women,
45
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your repair is free.
[chuckles]
46
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
47
00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:00,805
Our satisfaction
is guaranteed.
48
00:02:00,805 --> 00:02:02,641
[chuckles]
49
00:02:02,641 --> 00:02:06,310
Uh, ma'am, the problem
with your motorcycle here
50
00:02:06,445 --> 00:02:08,146
is there's not enough butt
on it.
51
00:02:08,146 --> 00:02:09,881
Yeah, it seems to be
making a funny noise, like,
52
00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:13,818
Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
[chuckles]
53
00:02:13,818 --> 00:02:16,521
Oh, wait.
No, that's just me.
54
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Now, where was I?
55
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Uh, uh, ooh, ah.
[chuckles]
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He's like,
"Uh, listen, ma'am,
57
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"we're not gonna
get that part in for two weeks,
58
00:02:27,031 --> 00:02:30,469
so maybe, uh,
I could get my part in."
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[both chuckling]
60
00:02:34,673 --> 00:02:36,240
That's really good,
Butt-Head.
61
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Yeah, you know,
you're pretty smooth, you know.
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It's, um--yeah, it's weird
that you never score.
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00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,047
[chuckles]
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♪ ♪
65
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I wanna get a job at a place
like this, you know.
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If you got a job there,
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you'd probably accidentally
repair the girl
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00:02:53,157 --> 00:02:57,128
and score with the car.
[chuckles]
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Yeah, you know,
actually, um--
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I actually did kinda
score with a car once.
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00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,101
[chuckles]
72
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Uhh--
73
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What?
[chuckles]
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00:03:07,506 --> 00:03:09,140
I didn't go all the way,
you know,
75
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but I did get under the hood.
76
00:03:11,876 --> 00:03:12,811
You know what I'm sayin'?
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[chuckles]
78
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Uhh--
79
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I mean,
the car wasn't running.
80
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I'm not, like, a pervert
or something, you know.
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[chuckles]
82
00:03:22,787 --> 00:03:25,524
It was, like, consensual,
you know. [chuckles]
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It was a '92 Ford Festiva.
84
00:03:27,992 --> 00:03:29,661
Uhh, Beavis,
85
00:03:29,661 --> 00:03:32,764
I don't wanna ever hear about
any of this ever again.
86
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[chuckles]
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Okay, okay.
88
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But it was a Festiva.
[chuckles]
89
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[gentle music]
90
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So, um, God, am I normal?
91
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Today in gym class,
92
00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:51,015
I noticed that my body doesn't
look like the other boys'.
93
00:03:51,015 --> 00:03:52,551
I feel like everyone's
looking at me
94
00:03:52,551 --> 00:03:55,353
because my body is, like,
different and stuff.
95
00:03:55,353 --> 00:03:57,155
You know what that feels like?
96
00:03:57,155 --> 00:03:58,690
Ahh! Ah!
97
00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:01,125
It feels like my head hurts
and my skin is hot.
98
00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:02,894
Also, water grosses me out,
99
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,295
and I wanna bite people.
100
00:04:04,295 --> 00:04:05,797
Ahh!
101
00:04:05,797 --> 00:04:08,466
Uhh, Beavis,
102
00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:09,834
what are you doing?
103
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,369
Shut up, Butt-Head!
104
00:04:11,369 --> 00:04:12,704
I'm normal!
105
00:04:12,704 --> 00:04:15,339
Normal! Yeah.
106
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,742
Whoa. Son, you don't look
so good.
107
00:04:17,742 --> 00:04:20,311
No! I'm normal!
108
00:04:20,311 --> 00:04:22,046
Butt-Head, how about
you take Beavis
109
00:04:22,046 --> 00:04:24,415
to the school nurse?
- Uhh--
110
00:04:24,415 --> 00:04:25,750
No. [chuckles]
111
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:27,852
Everyone leave me alone!
112
00:04:27,852 --> 00:04:29,087
Stop looking at me!
113
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Ah! Ah! Ahh!
114
00:04:31,856 --> 00:04:34,593
[grunting, chuckling]
115
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Ahh! Ah!
116
00:04:36,595 --> 00:04:39,430
[chuckles]
That was cool.
117
00:04:42,801 --> 00:04:44,603
I don't know what's happening
to me, God.
118
00:04:44,603 --> 00:04:47,238
I just wanna be
like everyone else, you know?
119
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:51,042
I look in the mirror, and
my body looks so different.
120
00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,311
I'm still Beavis
on the inside,
121
00:04:53,311 --> 00:04:55,513
but who's that person
on the outside?
122
00:04:55,614 --> 00:04:58,182
[grunting]
And why are his eyes yellow?
123
00:04:58,182 --> 00:05:00,051
And what's that white stuff
on his mouth?
124
00:05:00,051 --> 00:05:01,152
Ahh!
125
00:05:01,152 --> 00:05:03,087
Nobody understands me, God.
126
00:05:03,087 --> 00:05:04,623
Not even Butt-Head.
127
00:05:04,623 --> 00:05:06,658
[grunting]
- We're getting reports
128
00:05:06,658 --> 00:05:10,028
of a rabies outbreak
in the local skunk population.
129
00:05:10,028 --> 00:05:11,630
- Ahh!
- Damn it, Beavis,
130
00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:14,799
you're getting your gross drool
on my side of the couch now.
131
00:05:14,799 --> 00:05:17,969
Ahh! Ahh!
132
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,738
Shut up, dumbass. Uh!
133
00:05:19,738 --> 00:05:21,405
Ah! Ah! Ahh!
134
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:22,473
Uhh!
135
00:05:22,473 --> 00:05:24,776
- [growling]
- Uhh! Uhh!
136
00:05:24,776 --> 00:05:28,813
Uhh!
- [growling]
137
00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:31,149
Beavis, I'm just gonna
go ahead
138
00:05:31,149 --> 00:05:32,851
and kick your ass
some other time.
139
00:05:32,851 --> 00:05:34,886
- [screams]
- Ahh!
140
00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:36,721
[gentle music]
141
00:05:36,721 --> 00:05:39,658
Yeah, you could say I've been
going through changes.
142
00:05:39,658 --> 00:05:41,693
I guess this is
all part of growing up,
143
00:05:41,693 --> 00:05:43,294
right, God?
144
00:05:44,663 --> 00:05:46,898
So, yeah, God,
145
00:05:46,898 --> 00:05:48,100
that's what's going on with me.
146
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:50,702
Also, I can't see very good,
147
00:05:50,702 --> 00:05:52,470
and my pee is red.
148
00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:53,972
So, um--
149
00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:56,107
What did I wanna
ask you again? Um--
150
00:05:56,107 --> 00:05:58,309
It was, um, uh--
oh, yeah, yeah, um,
151
00:05:58,309 --> 00:06:00,544
can you, like,
make my nads bigger?
152
00:06:00,679 --> 00:06:03,247
Yeah. That would be cool.
[chuckles]
153
00:06:03,247 --> 00:06:06,117
Beavis, I am not God.
154
00:06:06,117 --> 00:06:09,287
I am a fever-induced
hallucination.
155
00:06:09,287 --> 00:06:11,355
You have rabies.
156
00:06:11,355 --> 00:06:13,257
Uh-huh. Huh.
157
00:06:13,257 --> 00:06:14,959
Now, that's cool
and everything, God,
158
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:17,195
but my nads--
yeah, can you make 'em bigger?
159
00:06:17,195 --> 00:06:19,798
Beavis,
your nads are perfect
160
00:06:19,798 --> 00:06:21,866
just the way they are.
161
00:06:21,866 --> 00:06:24,202
And I am not God.
162
00:06:24,202 --> 00:06:25,704
Whoa, really?
163
00:06:25,704 --> 00:06:26,838
Wow, wow.
164
00:06:26,838 --> 00:06:28,472
Thanks, God.
165
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,141
I guess you're right.
166
00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:31,575
My body is pretty cool,
you know,
167
00:06:31,710 --> 00:06:33,611
just the way it is.
[chuckles]
168
00:06:33,712 --> 00:06:35,313
I don't know what I was
so worried about, you know.
169
00:06:35,313 --> 00:06:36,715
[chuckles]
170
00:06:37,949 --> 00:06:39,250
Yeah, so it turns out
171
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:41,920
my body is perfect
just the way it is.
172
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,455
From now on,
I'm gonna stop worrying
173
00:06:44,455 --> 00:06:46,290
and just be myself.
174
00:06:48,026 --> 00:06:49,327
Ah! Ahh!
175
00:06:49,327 --> 00:06:51,195
- What the hell?
- Ahh!
176
00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:53,097
- Marcie, get the gun!
- Ahh! Ahh!
177
00:06:53,097 --> 00:06:56,100
[rock music]
178
00:06:56,100 --> 00:07:03,274
♪ ♪
179
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,624
[chiming noises]
180
00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:21,726
Chirp.
12498
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