Original subtitles

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[gentle music]

Are you there, God? It's me, Beavis.

[chuckles]

I know you're busy, like, killing terminators

and kicking Jesus' ass and stuff,

but I've been noticing some changes happening to my body,

and I don't know what to do.

It all started a few days ago at school.

Mm-kay, class,

today we're talking about the wonders of puberty.

[slide clicks] Puberty is a funny word

for when your body gets serious about growing and developing.

[skunk growling] - Whoa. [chuckles]

Check it out.

That cat's got whipped cream on its mouth.

You should, like, get us some, Beavis.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, whipped cream kicks ass.

Here, kitty. Nice kitty.

Hey, it likes me.

[screams] [skunk growling]

[chuckles]

So it's important not to compare yourself to others.

In fact, I myself did not go through puberty

until I was-- [thud]

- That cat kicked your ass. - [groaning] Ow!

[chuckles]

That's when I first noticed my body was changing.

Mostly bleeding and stuff. [chuckles]

[hip-hop music]

* I love the way ♪

Boy, their mechanic uniforms are clean.

Yeah, they're usually all covered

with, like, grease and oil and stuff.

It's probably just because they're not fixing any cars,

they're just, like, doing it with girls.

Here at TT Auto,

we won't fix your car,

but we will have sex with your women. [chuckles]

That's the TT guarantee. Yeah.

[both chuckling]

If we don't score with your women,

your repair is free. [chuckles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Our satisfaction is guaranteed.

[chuckles]

Uh, ma'am, the problem with your motorcycle here

is there's not enough butt on it.

Yeah, it seems to be making a funny noise, like,

Uh, uh, ooh, ah. [chuckles]

Oh, wait. No, that's just me.

Now, where was I?

Uh, uh, ooh, ah. [chuckles]

He's like, "Uh, listen, ma'am,

"we're not gonna get that part in for two weeks,

so maybe, uh, I could get my part in."

[both chuckling]

That's really good, Butt-Head.

Yeah, you know, you're pretty smooth, you know.

It's, um--yeah, it's weird that you never score.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

I wanna get a job at a place like this, you know.

If you got a job there,

you'd probably accidentally repair the girl

and score with the car. [chuckles]

Yeah, you know, actually, um--

I actually did kinda score with a car once.

[chuckles]

Uhh--

What? [chuckles]

I didn't go all the way, you know,

but I did get under the hood.

You know what I'm sayin'?

[chuckles]

Uhh--

I mean, the car wasn't running.

I'm not, like, a pervert or something, you know.

[chuckles]

It was, like, consensual, you know. [chuckles]

It was a '92 Ford Festiva.

Uhh, Beavis,

I don't wanna ever hear about any of this ever again.

[chuckles]

Okay, okay.

But it was a Festiva. [chuckles]

[gentle music]

So, um, God, am I normal?

Today in gym class,

I noticed that my body doesn't look like the other boys'.

I feel like everyone's looking at me

because my body is, like, different and stuff.

You know what that feels like?

Ahh! Ah!

It feels like my head hurts and my skin is hot.

Also, water grosses me out,

and I wanna bite people.

Ahh!

Uhh, Beavis,

what are you doing?

Shut up, Butt-Head!

I'm normal!

Normal! Yeah.

Whoa. Son, you don't look so good.

No! I'm normal!

Butt-Head, how about you take Beavis

to the school nurse? - Uhh--

No. [chuckles]

Everyone leave me alone!

Stop looking at me!

Ah! Ah! Ahh!

[grunting, chuckling]

Ahh! Ah!

[chuckles] That was cool.

I don't know what's happening to me, God.

I just wanna be like everyone else, you know?

I look in the mirror, and my body looks so different.

I'm still Beavis on the inside,

but who's that person on the outside?

[grunting] And why are his eyes yellow?

And what's that white stuff on his mouth?

Ahh!

Nobody understands me, God.

Not even Butt-Head.

[grunting] - We're getting reports

of a rabies outbreak in the local skunk population.

- Ahh! - Damn it, Beavis,

you're getting your gross drool on my side of the couch now.

Ahh! Ahh!

Shut up, dumbass. Uh!

Ah! Ah! Ahh!

Uhh!

- [growling] - Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh! - [growling]

Beavis, I'm just gonna go ahead

and kick your ass some other time.

- [screams] - Ahh!

[gentle music]

Yeah, you could say I've been going through changes.

I guess this is all part of growing up,

right, God?

So, yeah, God,

that's what's going on with me.

Also, I can't see very good,

and my pee is red.

So, um--

What did I wanna ask you again? Um--

It was, um, uh-- oh, yeah, yeah, um,

can you, like, make my nads bigger?

Yeah. That would be cool. [chuckles]

Beavis, I am not God.

I am a fever-induced hallucination.

You have rabies.

Uh-huh. Huh.

Now, that's cool and everything, God,

but my nads-- yeah, can you make 'em bigger?

Beavis, your nads are perfect

just the way they are.

And I am not God.

Whoa, really?

Wow, wow.

Thanks, God.

I guess you're right.

My body is pretty cool, you know,

just the way it is. [chuckles]

I don't know what I was so worried about, you know.

[chuckles]

Yeah, so it turns out

my body is perfect just the way it is.

From now on, I'm gonna stop worrying

and just be myself.

Ah! Ahh!

- What the hell? - Ahh!

- Marcie, get the gun! - Ahh! Ahh!

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[chiming noises]

Chirp.