Original subtitles

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[Beavis groaning]

Uh, Beavis really hurt his testi-coils or something,

and I think he needs some pills, like, stat or something.

[groaning]

We'll have a doctor take a look.

Has he been in pain long?

Uh, not really.

Maybe a week? - [groans]

Oh, my gosh. What happened?

Uh, we don't really know.

[slurping] - Hey, Butt-Head.

Hey, Butt-Head, check this out. [chuckles, grunts]

[both laughing]

That was cool, Beavis.

Take a bow.

Uh, what?

I said, "Take a bow."

Aah!

[laughing]

Yeah, see, that's cool,

'cause you were like, "Take a bow,"

and then you hit me in the nads,

and then I had to bend over like I'm bowing, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. - That's right, Beavis.

You figured it out. Take a bow.

Aah! [grunts]

Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I get it now, yeah.

Well, you're a good sport for playing.

- Oh, yeah, thanks. - Take a bow.

Aah! [groaning]

- Take a bow. - Aah!

- Take a bow. - Cut it out.

Aah! - Take a bow.

Aah! Stop!

- Take a bow. - Aah!

It is a mystery. [chuckles]

Well, let's hope the doctor can figure out what happened.

- [groaning] - You boys wait here.

I think she likes you, Beavis.

- Really? - Yeah.

Take a bow.

[grunts] - Oh, God.

Big chug alert, folks.

I'm about to chug

all the Mountain Dews you see here,

all that I can find.

Whoa.

Finally someone's gonna put all seven colors of Mountain Dew

into one glass and drink it.

I've been asking for this for years.

Finally someone has the guts to do it, you know?

All right? I got...

Is he really gonna drink all of them together?

I mean, Maui Burst, Live Wire, Spark, Code Red,

Original, Frost Bite, Voltage,

and Violet, which they only have in Japan?

[chuckles]

Mountain Dew Violet.

Whoa!

Last but not least, I got the Baja...

My favorite flavor is red.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, red kicks ass,

you know, like red sno-cones and Slurpees and Cherry Blast.

You know?

I had a real cherry once,

and they try to trick you because a cherry's red

so you'll think it tastes like red,

but it doesn't.

It's horrible. [chuckles]

Cherries suck.

Yeah, cherries don't taste red at all.

They taste all barf-y.

And then someone told me it was a fruit,

and that pissed me off even more.

[both chuckling]

The only cool thing George Washington ever did

was kill a cherry tree.

And then he lied about it. [laughing]

[chuckles] Yeah, yeah.

Fruit sucks. [laughs]

It sure does. Yeah, yeah.

The time has come...

Where did he get that gigantic, fancy glass?

Eh...

I think that might be, like, a normal-sized glass,

and he's just, like, really tiny.

Aw. [chuckles]

Well, that would explain his gigantic watch.

Yes.

At last, the moment has arrived.

The dream has become reality.

Okay, okay, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, here he goes. - Ooh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, here we go. Yeah, yeah.

Ooh, yes.

- Yeah, there you go. - That's right.

- There you go, yeah, yeah. - That's right.

Chug! both: Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug!

- Yeah, chug. - Chug.

- Chug that thing. - Chug.

both: Eh...

Oh, boy.

Okay, yeah.

I guess it takes a while.

Well, you know, it is a lot of Mountain Dew.

You know, I mean...

Yeah... [chuckles]

I mean, it's pretty cool.

I just thought it would be a little faster, you know.

Yeah.

Well, you know, it was good for a while there, you know?

My neck kind of hurts from headbanging.

Eh, let's watch something else.

Oh, wait, look!

Wait! He's almost done, yeah, yeah!

- Yes! - Yeah, there it is!

Yeah, go! - A little more. There you go.

- Ooh, yeah! - There it is.

Ahh.

That was amazing.

You know, Butt-Head, you can't teach that, you know?

That's just, like, pure, raw talent right there.

Yeah.

I mean, this guy should be the president or something.

[giggles] - Uh, maybe he is.

Yeah, I mean, how would we know?

The only thing about this guy--

if he's the president, he wouldn't just drain the swamp,

he would chug it, yeah! [both chuckle]

The swamp kicks ass. [chuckles]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the swamp!

Yeah.

[groaning] Oh, boy.

[groans] - You're awake.

Good job. - No, no.

No, wait.

A-aren't you gonna smack my nads?

Not until you're better, Beavis.

Oh, okay, cool.

Thanks, yeah.

Are you better? [chuckles]

Eh, um, not yet.

I think they're, like, giving me fluids.

Fluids. [both laughing]

[coughing]

Yeah, yeah.

Keep it down. I'm trying to sleep.

Shut up, butt-munch.

This guy's balls are all messed up.

If this wasn't a hospital, I'd make you take a bow.

Hey, Beavis, did you hear what I just said to that guy?

[chuckles]

Uh...

uh, Beavis?

Beavis!

[dramatic musical sting]

Whoa.

I think I killed him. [chuckles]

It's like, I didn't mean to hurt him.

[chuckles]

Feeling bad sucks. [chuckles]

Uh...

oh, yeah. [chuckles]

[soft organ music]

Uh, dear Heavenly Lord Godfather

Jesus Christ of Almighty,

uh, please don't let Beavis die.

He still has, like, work to do here on Earth or something.

[chuckles] Work sucks.

Uh...

please heal the pain in his broken nads.

Cradle them gently

in Your giant, holy hands, Lord.

[chuckles] Uh...

I didn't mean to put him in the hospital.

It was just, like, cool. [chuckles]

I mean, it was funny, right? [chuckles]

Like, uh, take a bow.

[laughing] That was cool.

[laughs] You saw it, right?

Take a bow. [laughing]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[chuckles] Into the light.

This is gonna be cool.

[angelic music]

♪ ♪

Aah!

[screaming]

Ow!

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Oh, yeah. [sighs happily]

Ahh.

Ahh. Ahh.

You can really feel the testicular inflammation.

Sometimes your fingers

are the most sensitive medical instrument in your toolbox.

Leslie, would you care to squeeze?

Thank you, Doctor.

Hmm.

Please, everyone take a turn

and feel these swollen testicles.

This is important training.

Ahh. Ahh.

* We could burn like evergreen ♪

♪ We could fire up every tree ♪

Uh, is this, like, choir music?

[chuckles]

Yeah. Yeah, it probably sucks, but, um...

it's called "Burning Fire,"

so, like, you know, maybe give it a chance, you know,

you know, 'cause fire, yeah. [chuckles]

I mean, you know, maybe they'll burn this guy

with a beard or something- I don't know, you know.

I sure hope so. [chuckles]

He's like, "Oh, you've got COVID."

Yeah, yeah, let's go celebrate.

I can't figure out if this is, like,

like, some kind of truck commercial

or, like, insurance

or, like, some prescription drugs or something, you know?

Like... [chuckles]

Yeah.

I think it's, like, for boner pills.

[both chuckle]

Side effects may include a burning fire!

Yeah.

Camino is not suitable for anybody.

[chuckles]

Do not take Camino if, uh...

Well, just don't take it.

It sucks.

See, now, I think that's supposed to be Camino

when he's old and he's shaved off his beard.

No, it's not, Beavis.

That's his dad, and the other chick is his mom.

[chuckles] They're ashamed of their son.

[both laughing]

It's like, yeah, he's out there in a field

singing a song that sucks.

We need to stop him now.

[both chuckling]

We did our best, honey, and he's still singing.

Why don't you quit crying, then,

and go out there and do something about it?

Yeah.

Grandma, get me my lighter and a can of gas.

I'll show him a burning fire.

Yeah, give Camino something to cry about.

Uh, Butt-Head, um...

I was wondering, like, um...

you think it would be cool to do it with an octopus?

Uh, no.

Yeah, yeah, me neither. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know why I said that.

That was weird.

Uh, Beavis...

I'd probably laugh about it eventually,

but it would've sucked if I killed you

by hitting your nuts.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, thanks, Butt-Head.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

It was a great success, Lord.

Without our intervention,

the boy would have died from massive testicle damage,

and his friend probably would've died from grief

shortly thereafter.

Well done, Michael. Take a bow.

Thank you. Ugh!

[laughs] Loser.

[laughs]

[rock music]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Chirp.