Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

Hail, dimwitted Earthlings. I am smart Butt-Head.

And I am the one men call Smart Beavis.

Long have we observed the parallel universe

where Beavis and Butt-Head got older

and are now in middle age.

Oh, the marvels we have seen, the wisdom we have learned.

All of it far beyond the comprehension

of your feeble human minds.

Nonetheless, we shall now reveal to you

but one of these marvels

on the planet imbeciles call Earth.

Smart Beavis, where is the steering wheel

on this comet? - I do not know.

We shall have to steer it with the power of our minds.

Very well.

[both humming]

[screams]

♪ ♪

You know what we should do, Beavis?

Let's get some beers and have a party.

[chuckling]

Yeah, but, um, we did that last weekend,

and we drank all the beers, and no chicks showed up.

[chuckling] - That party was cool.

[chuckling]

Yeah, it was. [chuckling]

Party down. [chuckling]

Howdy there, neighbors.

You got time to sign a petition to keep Highland beautiful?

Uh, what? [chuckling]

I'm collecting signatures to get rid

of that ugly low-income housing out on the main road.

Um, what's housing?

In this case, it's an eyesore that needs to go.

Let me show you.

Uh, yeah, that place sucks. [chuckling]

Yeah, it sure does.

What kind of buttholes live in that dump?

[chuckling]

I mean, seriously. [chuckling]

My company wants to put in a new condo

with ground level retail,

but we have to demolish this one first.

Yeah, demolishing is cool. [chuckling]

It sure is.

The city council's going to discuss this tonight.

I hope I see you there to support the demolition.

Yeah, yeah. [chuckling]

I got a sledgehammer. Should I bring that?

[chuckling] - Uh, yeah, we'll go to that.

Can you buy us some beer? [chuckling]

How about I buy you a beer after you go to the meeting?

Oh, that sounds good. [chuckling]

We're being bribed. [chuckling]

[soft music]

♪ ♪

Beavis: Being a janitor would kick ass

'cause, like, you just, like, listen to music all night,

and then you can just, like, spank your monkey

wherever you want, and then you can clean it up,

you know, cause you already have the mop, see.

[chuckling] Butt-Head: Yeah.

It is the perfect crime.

♪ ♪

It was the Native Americans who first invented the fist pump.

[chuckling] Beavis: Whoa.

What's his other hand doing? [chuckling]

Butt-Head: He's doing a different kind

of fist pump down there.

[chuckling]

Beavis: Yeah, yeah. [chuckling]

Yeah, there's something else dancing down there

about the same size. [chuckling]

He's masturbating. [chuckling]

Beavis: [chuckling] Yeah, he sure is.

He's not shy about it either.

Yeah. [chuckling]

Nothing wrong with that. [chuckling]

Beavis: Yeah, I mean, I don't really want to see it,

but, you know, I mean, no one wants to see me

do it either, you know, so, you know,

so go for it, you know?

Oh, look. [chuckling]

Tiesto's spanking his monkey too.

[chuckling]

Tiesto. [chuckling]

Beavis: Yeah, you know, if you can't masturbate

to your own music, you know, what's the point?

[chuckling] Butt-Head: Yeah.

[chuckling]

Uh, I think this guy's, like, not even a janitor at all.

[chuckling]

Yeah, he's just a really considerate

masturbater, you know?

He's like... [chuckling]

You know, he brings a mop with him, you know,

and a bucket, you know? [chuckling]

Butt-Head: Yeah, at the front of the museum,

they were like, "Sir, you're gonna have to leave

that mop and bucket outside." [chuckling]

And then he's like, "Uh, no, you're gonna thank me."

[chuckling]

You're gonna be glad I did, believe me.

[chuckling]

Butt-Head: Uh, well, time for him to go get the mop.

[chuckling]

Beavis: Yeah. [chuckling]

I think I might get me one of those, you know?

[chuckling] Mop.

[chuckling]

[both chuckling]

Boys, you made it.

Uh, where's the demolition crew?

And who are those buttholes?

- Community. - [chuckling]

It's proven to keep an eye...

man: They're the people who think they run this city.

[chuckling] Running sucks.

Yeah, really. [chuckling]

Now, the meeting's about to wrap up here,

and then any member of the public is allowed

to speak for four minutes, and that's when you can talk

about protecting our neighborhood

from low-income housing.

That concludes new business.

The floor is now open to public comment.

First on the list is Mr. Beavis.

You're up.

Um, I'm Beavis, Your Honor, and I just wanna say

I'm in favored of destroying this building that sucks.

[chuckling]

Uh, amen or something. [chuckling]

You've got 3 minutes and 50 seconds left.

Oh, okay,

um, also, when you destroy it,

I think you should burn it.

Yeah, you know, with fire, you know,

and then you'll see how cool it is.

Yeah, yeah, with fire. Yeah, and destroying it.

And then it'll be so cool, we'll go destroy

more buildings with fire, and then we'll destroy everything!

- Yeah. - We will just burn...

And then destroy trees and rocks and the schools!

Yeah, yeah, the schools!

They could throw rocks at the schools,

and I just want to say I think it's wrong

for children to ever have to go to school

because the children are our future, and, um--

and in conclusion, uh, let's destroy this building

with fire and bombs, yeah!

Looks like my time is up. Thank you very much.

[chuckling]

Thank you, Mr. Beavis.

Next is Mr. Buff-Head.

Please use your real names, people.

You have four minutes.

Uh, I yield my time to Mr. Beavis.

And then destroy the sky and the land!

Destroy it all with fire! [chuckling]

And then destroy the fire with fire

and more fire!

Here's your beer money, boys. You earned it.

You really spoke from the heart, Beavis.

Well, you know, I just like destroying stuff.

That's all, you know.

He's a big fan of fire. [chuckling]

Yep, always have been, always will be.

Great news, the council just voted

five to four to condemn that building.

Six months from now, those apartments

will be a pile of rubble.

- Yes! - Yes, yeah!

[both chuckling]

TV announcer: Tired of hoping that the right candidates...

[door clicks]

There's another one of those things

on our door, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head: They can tape up

as many of these things as they want,

but they can't make me read 'em.

[chuckling] Outsmarted 'em again.

We sure did, Beavis.

Well, let's celebrate. - Yep.

[chuckling] Yep, party time.

Let's go get some beers. [chuckling]

[hammers thudding, tools grinding]

How come it's so loud today? [chuckling]

Yeah, sure is a lot of police tape too.

Something cool must have happened.

We always miss it. [chuckling]

What's happening over there, Butt-Head?

Uh, I think they're wrecking

that place that sucks that we talked to the president about.

Those buttholes that live there

are gonna get what they deserve.

[chuckling]

[building crashing]

- This is cool. - Yeah, yeah, wreck it!

Wreck it! Destroy!

[chuckling]

Yeah! - [chuckling]

- There you go, yeah! - [chuckling]

That's it, yeah!

Yeah, kick it! Yeah!

[both coughing]

[both chuckling]

- Yeah. - That was cool.

Sure was, yeah.

It feels good that we got involved

in our community, and it paid off.

You know what I'm saying?

And now it's party time. [chuckling]

Let's go home. [chuckling]

Yep. [chuckling]

Time to kick back. [chuckling]

Uh, wait a second, where's our apartment again?

[chuckling] - Um...

I think it's around here somewhere.

It was right next to the, um, the thing with the, um...

hm, hm.

Uh, I don't see it. [chuckling]

Well, it's a puzzle. [chuckling]

This one's a real thinker. Yeah.

Uh, I'm tired. [grunts]

Let's find our apartment later. [chuckling]

Yeah. Well, it's not going anywhere.

We can just party right here. - Yeah.

I hope some chicks show up this time.

[chuckling]

[rock music]