Original subtitles

[rock music]

♪ ♪

♪ L-L-look, look, look, look, look, look ♪

♪ Pole dancer ♪ - Whoa!

Okay, here we go. Yeah.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Yeah, it's like, there's these chicks

with big old butts, and they're dancing on poles,

and there's a spinning beach ball--

Wait a second.

Damn it.

Uh. This sucks.

Maybe if we just, like, you know,

wait a minute or something, it'll start up again, you know?

Gotta be patient.

Sometimes it takes a while.

[slurps]

[birds chirping]

[crickets chirping]

[birds chirping, dog barking]

[slurps]

Um, Butt-Head?

I think it's been, like, a day or something.

I don't think that beach ball is going away.

Uh, well, Beavis, we're just gonna have to do like the days

before TV was invented and find real pole dancers ourselves.

Oh, boy.

Okay. [laughs]

Uh, I think there's, like, a strip club around here,

and I think we can get in if we act all, like, mature.

[laughs] "Mature."

[laughs] - Do they have poles?

It's a strip club, dumbass.

They all have poles and, like, machines

that make it rain and, uh--

whoa!

Check it out, Beavis.

Polling...

Palace.

Polling Palace.

[chuckles] - Yeah, cool.

This must be it! Yeah.

Beavis, we're about to get all up in the club.

Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!

Hmm!

[rock music]

This live dig might get drowned out by sound.

[Beavis] What are they doing? What are those things?

Uh, those are those things that old people use

at the beach, where they, like, go around

with the headphones and listen for beeps

and try to find, like, pirate treasure or something stupid.

[laughs] - Oh, yeah, yeah.

There's usually something wrong with the people

who do that, you know? [laughs]

There sure is. [chuckles]

What is that, some kind of, like, turd or something?

[laughs]

Oh, no, no, no!

Uh.

It's just a dime.

Oh, really?

How much is that worth?

Uh, I bet he could sell that thing

for, like, ten cents.

[laughs]

Boy, they sure are getting excited over ten cents,

you know?

She's gonna masturbate to it.

[laughter]

All right, I got that Barber by these sycamores,

and Doug came over.

He's like, "Ooh, Doug, another turd."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, it's a useless piece of crap.

What a beautiful design on that buckle.

What'd he say? It's a buckle?

Yeah.

Hundreds of years ago before there was YouTube,

people used these things to bore other people.

[laughs]

Yeah, and it still works. Yeah.

All right, we brushed off...

Whoa, look, Doug is fiddling with his schlong, look.

[laughs]

Yeah, that's Doug's buckle 'cause he just undid

his pants to play with himself.

All right, I'm on the other side of this tree,

these two sister trees.

Sister trees?

Trees can be girls?

I thought they were all dudes, yeah.

You know, because, um--'cause they have a crotch, you know?

About the same size.

And I think they predate the house.

The sister trees are dating the house?

Maybe the house will score with both of them.

[laughs] - Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Doug's getting them all worked up.

He just yelled that he got something cool.

And okay.

Wait a minute.

The word "cool" means something's good, right?

Like, it's cool?

Yeah.

There's nothing cool about that.

I mean, I used to eat my toy Hot Wheels and Tonka Trucks

and poop them out all the time,

but I didn't go show it off, you know,

and, like, make videos and stuff, you know?

[laughter]

Come back when you got half a LEGO pirate ship

floating in the toilet, you know?

Now, that, I showed people. I did do that. Yeah.

Yeah. [laughs]

The teacher said you ruined third grade.

[laughter]

And then he retired.

[laughter]

Oh, yeah.

All right, Doug, nice find,

clad quarter, eagle back at least.

I hate it when people come into Burger World

and they try to pay cash with a bunch of coins.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I can't tell one of them from another, yeah.

I just put them in the register

and say, "Thank you very much.

Drive through," yeah.

I hate when anyone comes into Burger World at all.

Yeah, yeah, really.

Sometimes I just want to say,

"You know, I don't come to where you work

"and, like, throw a bunch of money around

and demand French fries, so don't do it here," yeah.

[laughs]

There sure is a big line.

Everyone likes pole dancers, Beavis,

even these old perverts.

Yeah, look at all these freaks.

There oughta be a law, you know what I'm saying?

[laughs]

Good to see you young folks at the polls.

Is this your first time?

Yeah, yeah, but, um-- but we've been interested

in this stuff for a long time.

Yeah. We're, like, really into it.

Well, good for you boys.

I wasn't interested in any of this stuff

until Ronald Reagan.

Oh, yeah?

Is she a slut?

Yeah, yeah, I bet Ronald Reagan

has big hooters, yeah.

I hope she's in there shaking her butt.

Yeah, shake that ass, Reagan, yeah.

Show me what you're working with, yeah.

Whoa. [laughs]

I guess we have to get past the bouncers or something.

Name and address, please?

Uh, who are you?

I'm Lorraine. I'm a poll worker.

Whoa. [laughs]

- Oh, it's not here. - I don't know why...

Can you excuse me just a second?

Look again. I've been voting at this...

Well, she's a little older than I thought,

but I won't complain.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she must be a really good pole dancer by now.

Sweet Lorraine.

Back that thing up.

I'm tired of waiting, Beavis.

Let's go get up in the club.

[laughs]

Uh.

Where are the strippers?

I don't see any poles either.

They gotta be around here somewhere.

[chuckles]

You just go right behind that curtain there.

Whoa.

Beavis, looks like we're headed to the champagne room.

Ooh, yeah.

I hope we get to see Ronald Reagan shake that ass.

Shake that ass.

Yeah.

[laughter]

The champagne room, yeah.

Um, Butt-Head, um, there's no chicks in here.

Uh, they gotta be here soon.

And I don't see a pole either, Butt-Head.

As long as there's chicks, who cares about the pole?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true, yeah.

Yeah, this is gonna be cool. Yeah.

Oh, check it out. What's this?

Whoa, it's like a pole dancer menu.

So many pole dancers to choose from, look at that.

Uh, a lot of these are guys.

[chuckles]

Bush. [laughter]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna order that one.

Yeah. Ooh.

Here we go. [chuckles]

So now what?

Uh.

Go up there and put it in the box.

I'll hold it down here in case the strippers come.

[laughs]

Just stick my menu in here. Yeah.

And put some money in there, dumbass.

Act like you know what you're doing.

Oh, yeah.

[grunts] Yeah, here we go.

[grunts]

Just go ahead and smooth this out a little.

Make it all nice for the stripper, yeah.

[chuckles]

Let's see what else I got here.

Yeah, that'll seal the deal. Yeah.

[laughs] Big money.

And now we just wait for our order,

just like Burger World.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you. Drive through.

Yeah.

[laughter]

Um, you've been in there a long time.

Do you need to see a poll worker?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we've been waiting to see a poll worker

for, like, 20 minutes.

Yeah, tell her to hurry the hell up already.

[laughter]

Hello, you two.

Uh, we didn't come here for small talk.

Time to get down to business. Yeah.

Did you fill out the ballot slip and put it in the box?

We sure did.

Yeah, and now it's your turn.

Come on, now.

So congratulations.

You successfully voted.

Um, we what?

If you filled out your ballot and then put it in that box,

then you voted.

Yeah, for a stripper.

Look, I didn't think she was a great candidate either,

but she's better than the one we've got.

Is this 'cause Beavis didn't put in enough money?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, here.

I was gonna save it for your G-string, but, um--

There she goes. [chuckles]

Well, that strip club sucked.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I even made it rain

with my last $1.50,

and nothing happened.

[music thumping]

Maybe we can try this place.

No way, Beavis.

We're not falling for that again.

[laughs] Sorry, dumbasses.

We, like, outsmarted you.

Yeah, really.

How dumb do we look?

[laughter]

[rock music]

Chirp.