All language subtitles for Star_Trek_Lower_Decks_S05E02

♪

♪ ♪

[both grunt]

Aw. Not quiet enough, Green.

You take our ship.

We take your lives.

TENDI: Whoa! We're gonna
crush him with a...

-Wh-what's that supposed to be?
-[chuckles]

Sorry, my bad.
It's nothing.

Just dropped a snack.

Let's try again.

Maybe run
a double broadside protocol?

Ooh, look at you,
Miss Starfleet.

Speaking like
a true Orion General.

Well, someone
has to do the talking.

You're too busy
eating all the wing-slug rolls.

I only had, like, six.

-Hey! [shouts]
-[grunting]

-[laughing]
-That's enough battle strategy
for tonight.

It's getting late.

-Boo!
-Just ten more minutes?

D'ERIKA:
We barely even pillaged.

Okay, okay.

[groans]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you okay?

Yeah, all good.

Just a little bit of heartburn.

Well, luckily we've got
a doctor in the room.

Better safe than sorry.

Ugh, get away from me
with that Starfleet crap.

I-I just want
to see what's wrong.

Nothing's wrong.

I just had
a few too many slug rolls.

Drop it.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

FREEMAN:
Captain's log, stardate 59376.9.

TheCerritos has arrived
at Targalus IX,

a recent addition
to the Federation,

to help dismantle their
capitalist system of wealth.

Having just acquired
post-scarcity technology,

the Targalans are removing their
obsolete financial structures

to make room for museums
and meditation gardens.

Most Targalans have embraced

their new way of life,
as evidenced

by the planet-wide celebration.

-[male grunting]
-Oop!

I got your back, Ensign.

Remember Boimler's Bointer
number three:

Lift with the legs
and your spine will be fine.

Yes, sir.

Thank you for the Bointer.

Damn, look at all this stuff.

Dumb old currency sure does
take up a lot of space.

You finish converting
the stock exchange

into an animal hospital?

Yeah, smells a lot better
in there now, believe it or not.

Plus, they're using all the old
briefcases as litter boxes.

Wait, Boims. Don't move.

-There's something on your face.
-Is it a bug?

Worse.
It is a weird little mustache.

Ha-ha. Very funny.

But also pertinent.

Boimler's Bointer number 16:

Always research flora and fauna
on a new planet.

You never know what
might be trying to kill you.

Great advice, Commander.

Yeah, I was really fearing

-for my life over here.
-[both scoff, laugh]

Not sure they love the Bointers.

Where'd that come from?

You've never had
pointers before.

Bointers, not pointers.

I read a, uh, biography

where someone had a lot of
confidence in their away teams

and I was just giving it a try.

Hey, hey, don't look at me,
I love a good Bointer.

Love it, truly.
I'm just saying,

you know, maybe let these guys
off the hook for a bit?

Go enjoy the planet-wide party.

I don't know, the Bointers
have kept us ahead of schedule.

Exactly! And that means
we can have some fun, too.

Come on, be the fun boss, Boims.

The fun boss?

I could be the fun boss.

Brad Boimler: Fun Boss.

Yeah, I'll do it!
I'm in!

Ensigns, why don't you
take an hour off?

-You've earned it.
-Yeah!

W-Wait, really?
I was just making conversation.

I didn't think
you'd actually say yes.

Hell yeah!
I like this fun Boimler.

♪ ♪

Personal log.
[sighs]

Those stupid blue [bleep]
hit us again today...

[fast-forward squeaking]

I just can't believe
how great it is

having D'Vana back.

I couldn't ask
for a better sister.

-Aw!
-[fast-forward squeaking]

But there's just
too much on the line.

And now I have to keep
my pregnancy secret.

[gasps]

I'm gonna be an aunt?
[gasps]

Oh! [squeals]

-[footfalls approaching]
-[gasps]

Why are you in my office
with the lights off, weirdo?

Oh, uh, I was just, uh,
looking for...

a dagger.

There are literally daggers
in every room.

Oh, right!
Totally forgot.

Heh, Starfleet brain.
[chuckles]

Uh, anyway,
better get back to...

cutting stuff.

Wait, wait, wait,
while you're here,

I, uh, I have some big news.

Really?
[gasps]

Well, you know
you can tell me anything.

-[exclaims]
-We've been summoned
before the Orion pirate queen.

-Oh.
-Apparently they aren't
too happy with our pirate war.

Okay.

Was there anything else
you need to tell me?

Yeah. If you keep
standing in dark rooms,

people are gonna think
you're a creep.

[weak chuckle]

Right.

♪ ♪

Okey nopey!
[exhales]

T'Lyn, wow.

[whoops]
You really got me.

I did not intend to "get you."

I am simply in need
of a partner to aid

in my senior science officer
training.

Would you mind teaching me
how to repair the shuttle?

Aw, I wish I could be
your study buddy,

but my implant
is having a hard time

connecting to this old door.

There is no urgency.
I will wait.

Oh, you mean just stand there
right behind my back,

staring off into space
and doing nothing?

That is correct.

Oh, uh, okey dokey.

Sounds good.

♪ ♪

-[growls]
-[gavel banging]

Houses Tendi and Azure.

[scoffs]
They're going by Azure now?

Better than
Big Blue Losers, I guess.

With each of you
pirating the other,

there's no new booty
flowing into the Syndicate.

We can barely afford
to feed our blazzards.

[screeches]

This war was instigated
by House Tendi.

They used un-Orion tactics

to steal our frigate.

Bull[bleep]. You tried
to steal it from us first.

And it's pronounced "Oh-ryan"!

Enough!

When you pillage each other,
it hurts all Orions.

I order you to settle this

as the ancients did:

with a sailship race
through the Excellon Nebula.

-[gallery gasps]
-K'LEVIN: Oh, my!

Orions haven't used sailships
in hundreds of years.

Isn't this a bit extreme?

We're gonna crush this.

I did varsity solar sailing
in high school.

Not through a dangerous nebula.

The first to survive the journey

and reach
our hidden treasure wins.

Okay.
Maybe it'll be fun.

It will not be fun.

The losing house will be removed
from the Syndicate,

and their wealth
given to the winner.

-What?!
-Hell yeah.

It is on!

Hope you ladies like to lose.

[laughter]

[blazzard screeches]

Ooh, I'm gonna kick
their "Oreon" asses.

Uh, actually,
I was thinking maybe

I should handle this on my own.

[laughs]
Yeah, right.

Well, as prime,
you should probably stay far

from any gravitons
and chronitons

and any other dangerous 'tons.

Nebulas are full of 'tons.

You can't even solar-sail.
What are you talking about?

B-But you could hurt the...
[sighs] yourself.

I'm the prime
of one of the biggest houses

in the Syndicate.

People try to assassinate me
over brunch.

I think I can handle
a sailing trip.

Okay, well, let's just
make sure we wear helmets

and kneepads and, ooh, uh,
maybe some full body armor.

D'ERIKA:
Ugh. Shut up.

MARINER:
Man, these Targalans love

burning up their trash money.

What a party.

I can't believe
you were okay leaving.

Yeah, you're trying
to be a fun boss

and I'm just trying
to be a responsible boss.

Just watch, I'm about
to support and encourage

the [bleep] out of your ensigns.

Who are not here.

Uh, they should've
been back by now.

Damn, now this is buffer time.
Respect.

Ensigns Mackler and Gorm,
status report.

Uh, I'm sure--
I'm sure they're fine,

-Don't freak out.
-Oh, no, they could be lost
or dead or...

[gasps] taking advantage
of my relaxed management style.

RANSOM [over comm]:
Ransom to Lieutenant Mariner.
How's it looking down there?

Yeah-- uh, yeah, we've actually
run into a bit of a...

-Hey.
-Everything's going great,
Commander.

-Should-should be done on time.
-Glad to hear it.

Love that you two are sharing
a combadge. Ransom out.

-[stammers] What are you doing?
-I'm sure the team is fine.

-You have to trust them.
-Okay, this is too weird.

Lying to your superiors,
growing that thing on your face.

You're not acting like yourself.
What's the deal?

Nothing. I just want to be
"fun boss," not "fired boss."

Okay, fine. But for the record,
I'm taking responsibility

and you chose chaos.

Ransom could've
just scanned for them.

Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
But he doesn't need to.

Bointer number 17:
I always set a rendezvous point

in case we get separated.

They should be at the Museum
of Friendship. Come on.

Boims, come on,
let's just scan for 'em.

We can still scan!

D'ERIKA:
Fix those lines,

get that cargo secured.

We only have one shot at this.

Are your feet cold?

Oh, do you need
some warm fuzzy socks?

What? No, I'm fine.

The countdown has begun.

May the best Orion win.

Oh, he will.

Bring it.

[rhythmic beeping]

[grunting]

-Careful.
-[grunts] What?

This thing doesn't have
inertial dampeners.

Relax, it's just
a little turbulence.

But y-you're the captain,
you should be sitting down.

Let us handle the manual labor.

-[grunts]
-Uh, I mean, the work.

Just because
those lazy Starfleet captains

sit on the job
doesn't mean I do.

Oh, b-but imagine how humiliated

the Blue Orions would be
if you beat them sitting down.

Oh, or better yet, lying down,

-with your feet elevated.
-Ugh.

-[beeping]
-[doors whooshing]

Ah, there we go.

-[torch sizzling]
-Huh?

Whoa! Hey, hey. Hey. Hi.

Uh, what are you doing up there?

I decided to attempt
some more advanced repairs

on this shuttle's
vector control system.

Oh, I appreciate it,
I really do,

but this is an old shuttle,
you can't just treat it

like it has
sarium krellide cells.

I was not under that assumption.

Perhaps you can
show me my error.

It's okay, this thing's
basically held together

with spit and string.

Let me take over for a sec.

[sighs]

[distant fireworks whistling]

Wait, why are we
waiting in line?

-Everything is free now.
-[cheering]

Oh, where are they?

Boims, Boims. See that guy?

That's the museum director.
I just shotgunned

some alien beers with him--
that-that's not important.

He said he saw your team
over there.

[grunts]
Go, go, go!

-Uh-oh.
-Uh, hey! Stop that hover-van!

Okay, okay, now we clearly
have to tell Ransom.

Commander? Our away team
was just kidnapped.

RANSOM [over comm]:
Oh, let me guess,

by some angry,
jewel-encrusted aliens?

Uh, that's--
uh, yes, that's right? Yeah.

Not everyone on Targalus
is happy

about the removal of capitalism.

We have elitist terrorist cells

popping up
all over the continent.

Yeah, okay, so can you send
someone to assist us?

No can do,
everyone's in the field.

You're on your own,
but don't worry.

I know you can handle this.

Also, Boimler,
do you have your own combadge?

-Need me to send you one?
-No, no. No, thanks.

-Got it handled.
-You wanted to be fun.

Nothing more fun
than a car chase, my man.

I'm gonna need to commandeer
your hover-cruiser, ma'am.

Official, uh,
post-scarcity business.

Sure, I'll just
replicate a new one.

-Ah. Good for them.
-Let's do this.

Yes, totally, but you are
sitting on it backwards.

Damn it.

[grunts]

Keep it up
and we've got this in the bag.

Oh, how about a quick break
for some Pyrithian bat milk?

-It's full of healthy vitamins.
-I don't have time for a break.

-Whoa.
-What the [bleep] was that?

The Blues are firing on us.

But sailships
don't have weapons.

[cackles]

I knew those bastards
would fight dirty.

-D'Vana, take the helm.
-What? What are you doing?

You're not actually
gonna try to board them.

Stand down, sister.

I know you think you're tough,
but I'm the captain here.

D'Erika's out of control.

-She has to be stopped.
-Why? She's doing great.

Because she's,
she's starting fights

when she should be
focused on racing.

But we have to defend ourselves.

No, we don't. Uh, w-we ha--
we have to win the race,

and that's not going to happen

i-if we let the Blues
drag us into the mud.

ALL:
Uh...

Also, I am the goddamn Mistress

of the Winter Constellations,

and you'll do as I say.

-ALL: Yes, Mistress.
-Are you proposing a mutiny?

Yes, but a gentle,
supportive mutiny.

Uh, a cute-iny.

So, D'Erika, hi.
[chuckles]

So, the girls and I, we-we had
a little meeting back there,

and, uh, well,
you're doing great.

We think you should sort of
be relieved of duty?

[grunting]

Are you working
with the [bleep]ing Blues?!

L'Kar? Little help?

[grunting]

[screams]

Sorry, Cap,
but the Mistress has a plan.

Why are you being so nice?

-It's a cute-iny.
-Ugh.

Either mutiny or don't.

[grunts]

[clears throat]
Full sail ahead.

Ooh, I'm gonna feed you
to snakes.

Do you hear me?
A snake for snakes!

Snakes don't eat snakes!

Stupid rich kidnappers
with their tacky hideout.

BOIMLER:
These guys aren't
cut out for this.

They strapped weapons
to their household robots, see?

That one's trying to sweep up
with a disruptor.

BOT:
Filthy. Filthy. Must clean.

Ha, suckers. Easiest rescue
mission of all time.

-[both shout]
-BOT: This is
a gardener's arrest.

Hands up or I'll prune you.

You got a Bointer for this?

I do, but now
I'm not gonna say it.

[grunts]

[shouts]

Whoa!

-D'Erika, don't.
-Why not?

You don't have a plan,
and I know what I'm doing.

-It's too dangerous.
-Maybe for you.

[grunts]

Ugh. I know you're pregnant.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.
I, I read your logs.

[gasps]
Those are private.

[both grunt]

L'KAR:
That blue bastard
ripped our sail in half.

Jettison the sprit!

Too late. Brace for impact.

GARDENER BOT:
I am programmed to mow,
not kill.

I cannot predict
what my jumble of commands

may cause me to do.

I am in distress.

Well, that set my mind at ease.

Oh, this is all my fault.

I'm trying to be
a better officer,

but that means less time
to hang with my friends,

and telling you
to be a "fun boss" was

just so I could feel
like myself again.

Stop. This isn't
either of our faults.

It is possible to do
everything right

and still get
your away team kidnapped

-by the corporate elite.
-Wow.

That's actually, like,
very evolved of you, Boims.

I like when stuff isn't
our fault.

GARDENER BOT:
We have arrived
at the holding cell.

[both shout]

Oh, my God,
they're [bleep]ing dead!

GARDENER BOT:
Oh, [bleep], I forgot
to water them.

I have failed as a guard
and a gardener.

D'ERIKA:
You can't launch
a sailship on its own.

We're stranded.

And here come the Blues.

Damn it, looks like they're
heading back to the finish line.

KITA:
Ugh, that means
they must have found

-the treasure.
-[both laugh]

Look, I know, I messed up.

But did you really think
a violent space race was

a good idea in your condition?

Mom fought dozens of battles
when she was carrying you.

I was actually born

mid-sword fight
during the battle of Thirat.

Stop defending her.
She lied to us.

Actually, I only lied to you.
Everyone else here already knew.

You didn't trust me?

No, of course I do.

My baby is going
to inherit your title.

She's the new Mistress
of the Winter Constellations.

Oh, you're having a girl?

That's right.

And Orion law would require you,

the current Mistress,
to stay and train her.

For the next 14 years.

So the whole time I thought
I was protecting you,

you were actually protecting me.

And now Mom and Dad are going
to lose everything they built.

[Tendi gasps]

-Maybe not.
-Everyone up.

Starfleet here
finally has a plan.

[grunts]

Everyone, on the rigging.

We're gonna need
every sail we've got.

The Blue Orions are still
too far ahead.

We'll never catch them.

Not with that attitude.
You're pirating for two now.

♪ ♪

RUTHERFORD:
Aw, man,

I don't know what I'd do
if my mom sent me a dragon.

Good luck, sir.

Aah! What did you do?

Vulcans do not require
as much sleep as humans,

so I spent the night
fully repairing the shuttle.

Aw, this is terrible.

I am failing to find the logic
in your dissatisfaction.

I was trying
to slow-roll the repairs.

Slow-roll?

Tendi and I used
to work on this every day.

It was our project.

She'll be so sad it's done.

You are implying
that the act of collaboration

is more important
than the work itself.

I know, I know,

-it's silly, but...
-No.

My request for your aid
in studying was an exaggeration.

I was trying to deceive you
into socializing as well.

Wait. You were?

Since Lieutenant Junior Grade
Tendi's departure,

I have observed
your lack of purpose.

I assumed repairing the shuttle

would make
for a pleasant surprise.

Aw, T'Lyn. That's really nice.

-I should not have imposed.
-No, it's okay.

Who knows if Tendi's even
coming back?

But if she does,

I'm sure we can find
something else to work on.

[gurgling]

Call your stupid bosses.
We need medical help.

Come back, Mackler.
Turn away from the mountain.

GARDENER BOT:
Perhaps they need fertilizer.

Aah! What did you do?

Aah! We said "Lock them up,"
not "Kill them"!

We need to get
in touch with our ship

right the [bleep] now.

Stop [bleep]ing around.

We didn't mean to hurt anyone.

We just didn't want to lose
the capitalist system

that gave us ultimate power.

Well, now you're gonna get
arrested by Starfleet.

You're gonna be poor

and stuck in a prison
by space aliens.

[gasps] I got it.
We got to get off-grid.

Learn to live off the land
and eat mud. [babbles]

Losers!
[strains]

I can almost reach
our combadges.

[gurgles, gasps]

Mackler, Gorm, you-you're alive!

-[yawns]
-What did they do to you?

Ha, nothing, thanks
to Boimler's Bointer number 16.

-Uh, the one
about flora and fauna?
-Yup.

In our research we found this
little tie-dyed coma beetle.

Its bite makes you seem dead.

GARDENER BOT:
I will never again

choose the path of violence.

Glad you had a little story
for yourself today, buddy.

Okay, I'll request emergency
medical to get us out of here.

-Boo, Boimler.
-Aw, man, we want to go back
to the party.

-You were clinically dead.
-Man, I thought you were fun.

♪ ♪

[grunts] I never knew a solar
sailship could go this fast.

-Is this safe?
-No, it's not.

We're coming up on the Blues.

[gasps]
The treasure.

[grunting]

Get your hands off our booty.
Ow!

[grunts]

Are you crazy?
Now neither of us wins.

It's a tie.

Now both our families will get
to keep their wealth,

and the queen is going to be
happy that we compromised.

SABOR:
You blew it up?!

Yeah, uh, so it was a tie.
[nervous chuckle]

Pretty smart, right?

No. Everyone loses!

The Syndicate will be taking
both of your houses' wealth.

-They cheated!
-SABOR: Shut up.

You hardly have anything
to take away.

This isn't fair!

Well, the next time,
act like a pirate,

not Starfleet.

SHONA:
Chin up, sweetheart.

-It's all right.
-No, it's not.

Our family just lost everything.

Money's not everything.

Might be nice to take a break
from the stress

-of all the assassination
attempts.
-Mm-hmm.

Spend more time with our family.

Except for D'Vana.

I don't want her around.

Yeah, well, I guess
I can't blame you.

Oh, lighten up.

What I meant was,
you need to return to Starfleet.

I don't want my girl growing up

seeing you do anything other
than what your heart tells you.

Thank you, but I'm gonna
come home, like, all the time.

Ooh, I want to cuddle that baby!

And maybe give her some
swashbuckling tips?

Already worried
she's going to be deadly.

You're going to be
such a good mom.

[erratic beeping]

Aah! Tendi.

Tendi?

How was Orion?

Ah, just a bunch
of boring pirate stuff.

I can't wait to work
on the shuttle with you.

Ooh, uh, Tendi, wait,
wait, wait, let me explain.

There's not gonna be
much left to do.

Whoa, what the heck
happened here?

[shouts]

T'Lyn! What did you do?

You destroyed
the entire shuttle.

Oh, no. Whatever shall we do?

Hey, now we can rebuild
the whole thing together.

Aw. You destroyed the shuttle.

[clinks]

BOTH:
Tendi!

Get over here, you beautiful
green ball of optimism.

Why don't we move
this party to the bar?

After a long day
of hauling treasure trash

and getting abducted
by robber barons,

-I could use a drink.
-Treasure trash?

Eh, you know, post-scarce
society throwing out

all their jewels and crap.

How many jewels?

Captain Freeman,

your generosity is
deeply appreciated.

It was your sister's idea,

and I'm always happy to improve
our diplomatic relations.

We were just gonna toss it all

in the matter
recombinator anyway.

The House of Tendi is
proud to serve

as the wealth disposal service
for Targalus IX.

Now I don't have to feel bad

about Dad getting
a pillaging job.

I'll see you soon,

Auntie Mistress
of the Winter Constellations.

Boys?

-Move it.
-Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am.

Hurry, you idiot.
Don't drop anything.

-Ow! [groans] Hurry up.
-[laughter]

I don't want her
to get mad at me again.

BLUE ORION 1:
Hey, how come you get
to carry the jewels?

Oh, there are pearls in here.

K'LEVIN:
Get those out of your mouth!

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

[man imitates weapons firing]

Chirp.