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I almost started--

I almost started walking on that crab shell.

But not on that crab shell.

What sound does the snowy egret make?

Hey, Sarge.

Hey, Danny.

You run out of gas?

Very funny.

How was graduation?

Ah, it was good.

Thanks for asking.

Your dad said your fellowship award got yanked.

Ah, defunded.

Nice.

Sorry about that.

Thanks.

You guys all ready for the season?

Bail to nail.

Bring 'em on.

All righty.

See you in a bit.

Dad, I'm home.

Dad, I'm home.

Do you like apples?

I guess.

Do you like to whack people?

Yeah, sometimes.

Yeah, right.

Ow!

Glad tidings, Danny boy.

Oh, no, Dad.

And they rented it for the whole season.

Dad, I came home for the summer.

I know it, boy.

But the offer was there.

Only a fool chases money.

But only an ass turns it away.

I'm sorry, Danny.

We need the dough.

OK.

All right.

Have you lined up a summer spot for us?

Oh, that's the genius part.

We're already here.

No, Dad.

No office.

No living on boats.

No camping.

I can't fool around this summer.

I've been waiting to tell you the really big news.

They just announced it.

Tilden Head is for sale.

The whole thing?

Shore to shore.

Sand to tree tops.

I guess the Tildens must have lost a couple of billion

in the market, huh?

Who can afford to buy a 9 square mile peninsula?

That's genius part.

It's an open auction--

open to anyone who can afford the minimum opening

bid of $300 million.

That's not our people.

Exactly.

That's why I need you.

I'm sorry, Danny.

I need you this summer to help me land this.

This is all hands on deck, all ears to the rail,

all dancers to the VIP lounge.

Do you know what 6% of $300 million is?

$18 mill--

It's piles of money.

It's the pot at the end of the rainbow.

It's birds in the trees and macro crowded sea.

Who?

Yeates. But--

Yes.

Sailing to Byzantium, yes.

Billy Yeats.

And before you know it, here come the O'Briens.

The good news is that I've allowed you

little turds to get your foot in the door

of superlative properties.

And I want you to kick.

Kick just as hard as you can.

Now the season begins.

So I want you to go on out there and bring

in the normal McMillionaire to buy and sell--

Who does he think we are, illegals or what?

So, do you have a boyfriend?

Maybe.

Now, there's one thing that you need to understand

about the wealthy--

Mysterious.

I like that.

Do you have a boyfriend?

considered nouveau riche to have a lot of money.

Where are you from?

Chicago.

Where's your family from?

The land of the brush-your-teeth people.

Have I lost you already, Mr. Wilson?

What if I sell Tilden Head?

Oh, shit.

My uncle said that Tilden Head is up for offer--

Oh, splendid.

The Wilson family reads the newspaper.

Tilden Head, the biggest deal of this season.

And guess what?

It is none of your fucking business.

It is none of your fucking business.

You three are preppified, pedicured fishermen.

Half your job is going to be here in this office,

watching me land the big fish.

And where do the big fish swim?

Out there on the golf courses, in the spas,

fingering their nannies.

Well, your job is to find them and bring them to me.

Now, the rich like parties, don't they?

And we like the rich.

So what does that mean?

Anyone?

Logic?

We are alcoholic sycophants.

And?

I believe it was Justice Scalia who coined the term--

Oh, stuff it.

Memorial Day of the jackals, huh?

You don't get to complain to me.

You know I don't want to be hear, Pop.

Sure enough.

For the boys.

Semper fi, brothers of the firefight,

sons of the fireflies, flight of the slumber bees.

Good one.

If it isn't the competition.

Hey, Charlie.

I conjured it.

You see that, Danny?

I said "fumble duck" and he alighted.

How is the old head wound?

How is the old birth defect?

Oh, let me introduce you to my summer baby associates.

Your little baby here, I think you'd say, then, last summer.

Idiot children, I'd like you to meet the O'Briens.

This is their last summer.

Nothing I cared.

In all my sky blue trades that time

allows in all his to tuneful turnings,

so few and such mourning songs.

For the children, green and golden,

follow him out of grace.

A Grace among the Philistines.

A Clare, actually.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What is this, a joke or a game, or some--

well, I've got one.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Justin.

Justin, who?

Just in time to bust your ass.

He substitutes, crudities for virility.

It's verbal priapism.

Let's go, dad.

Good idea, Danny.

Have a little drinky-poo for, uh, Sloppy Joe here.

That is him.

What's the cheat sheet?

50.

That mark there owns every bottling plant in Mexico.

Take notes, guys, while I go land the season's best deal.

You-- you got a little something in your teeth.

Yeah.

Yeah?

It's right on the-- yup.

You don't have anything in your teeth.

Hey, there.

How are you?

Do I know you?

Danny O'Brien.

It's nice to meet you.

I heard you were, uh, king of pop south of the border,

but I don't know your name.

I'm Harold Philbert.

How are you?

I'm terrific, thanks for asking.

Good, good.

I'm going to be straight with you.

I'm the top agent over at O'Brien Realty.

Oh, Danny.

I'm not in the market for, uh--

But listen, you're got--

say, John Wayne, right, married Audrey Hepburn commissioned

Frank Lloyd Wright to build a little classic chateau

in the Rocky Mountains.

Then you move that little cottage

down to a private beach.

I like this.

You paint quite a picture, Danny.

So, uh, so where is this place?

Sagaponack.

Excuse me.

Oh.

Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Excuse me.

Sorry, hi.

Hi.

- Hey, uh, what's goin' on? - Oh, look our shoes match.

Yours are a little dirty though.

Oh, yeah.

Look, our shirts match. See?

See?

They do, don't they?

And they're not dirty.

Not yet.

Yeah.

I think that could be a sign.

I think so, too.

Is one of these yours?

Uh, that's her right over there.

Ah, better music over there.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe you'll have better luck selling him something.

You shouldn't say Sagaponack.

What?

You should say Georgica Adjacent.

Audrey Hepburn would never say Sag.

And you were doing so well with that,

aw shucks, regular guy thing.

Danny O'Brien.

Clare Logan.

You seem to know an awful lot about local real estate, Clare

Logan.

Well, I'm going to be a top agent when I grow up.

So what are you now?

So far, I'm more of an undiscovered painter.

What about you?

Well, I've spent most of my life staying

out of local real estate.

And so far, I'm an undiscovered ballerina.

Good one.

But why avoid real estate?

Well, the problem with Georgica Adjacent, Miss.

Top Agent, is that once you say adjacent,

you might as well call the dump a local golf

course in progress.

You can call the toilet a private pond.

Little slips have a way of piling

up into complete bullshit.

I think everyone in the game knows that the truth

is flexible, Danny.

I don't think it's a game.

Wow.

You are so close to doofy, it's--

it's kind of sweet.

So what do you think about this whole Tilden Head deal?

May I show you something?

See that big dark thing looming over there?

That's Tilden Head.

I know.

See the light over here?

It's the light that Gatsby watched.

East Egg.

Is this the actual spot?

Technically, no.

The truth is flexible, right? - Good one.

This is truly my favorite place in the world.

Well, then, thank you for sharing it with me.

So Dylan Thomas and, uh, Fitzgerald, huh?

Yeah.

The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy shopped at the bookstore.

So now, I mostly just watch TV.

Rebel.

Yeah.

Hey, Danny, you wanna do a boing-boing, dude?

Natives are jobless.

Not now, Hoonie, not now.

All right, whatever.

You don't wanna do a boing-boing?

Not on the first date.

Besides, I don't want to give away any O'Brien family

secrets, not to the enemy.

Anyways, I gotta showing early in the morning.

There's that scout's honor.

Go get 'em.

You won't find better beach front.

I mean, take a look out that window.

That's your dock right there.

$4 million's a steal here.

And the water here is deep enough for my Intercruiser?

If it isn't deep enough already,

we'll motor a dredger out here.

And we can clear it out for you.

Hey.

We've got ultracold side by sides.

You got Kuger ranges, professional gas tops.

You've got Greco-Roman marble, everything.

And I can keep my chipmunks in here.

Right.

They'll love it.

I mean, have you ever seen such ambient light?

I love ambient light.

Me, too.

Come on, let me show you something.

- He's very nice. - It's perfect.

He's very nice.

Get ready for the architect designed master bedroom?

No, wait.

Let's see the pool first.

Actually, there's no pool.

What did we say?

Why are we here?

No, pool?

Wait a second, honey.

But we can put one in, right?

The problem is you can't really dig in this area.

I mean, the water tables are at like 5 feet.

Your liner would crack every winter.

I need a pool.

You can get a really excellent above ground pool.

No pool, no boat.

No, wait a second, baby.

Nice work, buddy.

Honey?

Let me tell you-- let me tell you-- let

me tell you what I would do. - OK.

If this were-- if this were my house.

I'm thinking big.

I'm thinking we stick an Olympic size pool right there,

get a clear site line towards the ocean.

You know, very Riviera style.

You guys been to the Riviera? - Yeah.

Wait, can we do that?

Are we allowed to do that?

Are you allowed to do that?

What, you mean like split Social Security?

Am I right? - Good one.

Come on, I'll show you--

I'll show you the back.

Let's go.

Money is money.

You believe that, and you can have everything.

Come on, ladies.

Milk me of knowledge.

This water's makes me totally wet.

OK.

That's a little on the nose, don't you think?

Try sounding like you don't really

realize what you're saying.

I have a rear entry Mercedes.

Sex and money, but you can't quite put your finger on it.

I love that.

That's a sweet ascot.

Do you want to go for a Rolex in the hay?

Oh, OK.

Yeah.

You're so nice.

Um, I actually use Dior.

Does this coaching stuff actually work?

Oh, for sure.

Rich guys are just like regular guys.

You just have to let them think that they're in charge.

That's cool.

I'm so into rich guys.

But what he if wants a pre-nup?

You don't sign a pre-nup.

So, like, who do you think this summer?

Any of the guys that are on the board

at one of the museums.

Or like, my ex-husband used to give to the orphans.

And that, like, totally worked out, too.

Um, I just--

I just want to check.

Should it be burning like this?

Yes, it should.

It's exfoliating.

And the chocolate is tanning you.

I am so sorry I keep coming out of this.

See, ladies, I'm really not coming out of anything.

But it will hold their attention all night long.

Hey, ahoy reala-statey.

Oh, we're-- we're actually just closing up.

Yeah, but I just saw a killer house on Dune Lane I

gotta get into like right now.

Can you hook me up?

Hey, are you, uh, O'Brien Realty?

Uh, no.

I'm Danny O'Brien.

Ah, well, Danny O'Brien, hook me up, all right?

I'll make it worth your while.

All right, I better drive.

All right.

Walker, is that a first name?

Or--

Bigger, better.

What?

I like this truck.

Thanks.

Yup.

So what do you do?

No, Danny, where are you from?

Excuse me?

What do you do?

That's the first question of the bourgeoisie.

The wealthy recoil from that question.

Where are you from, that gets you rolling a lot better.

Thanks.

Yeah.

So where are you from?

Well, Danny, I'm a professor.

I've developed a methodology of integrated ambition.

Methodology of integrated ambition?

A methodology of integrated ambition.

Ah, integrated, like healthy and balanced?

Hm.

Yeah.

I'll believe it when I see it.

Yes, sir.

Hoo-ah.

You drive like a rabid dog.

I gotcha these.

I was going to bring them to your office.

But this is better, local beach flowers.

Audrey Hepburn would probably toss

them straight into the trash.

You stole me flowers?

I love them.

Hey, you goin' to the movies tonight?

OK.

Your car or mine?

Hm, mine.

How you doin', Danny?

Hey.

So here's a challenge for you.

Yeah?

Forget about love for 10 years.

Done.

You want to get rich?

You wanna marry a hottie and pop out little Danny O'Briens?

Yeah?

Dedicate 10 solid years of your life to your career--

no friends, no family.

You want sex, you hire it.

You just put your nose to the grindstone for 10 years.

By the time you're 35, you're filthy rich.

And then you turn around.

You pick the best, the brightest, the most

beautiful woman you can find.

In those top shelf women's sport, they need the money.

I don't care what they say.

It doesn't sound very integrated.

And besides, can somebody act like a jerk for 10 years

and not actually become a jerk?

The pursuit of money makes someone a jerk?

No.

I-- I mean, you know, the pursuit of jerks better make me

and my dad some money this summer, you know?

What do you think about the house?

Oh, yeah.

I'll take it.

Are you kidding?

Do I look kidding?

I mean, it's a $13 million--

it's-- it's a big decision.

Ah, it's an investment.

Speaking of big, though, I got a big deal

at the end of the summer.

This works out, maybe and I could

do that together, all right?

So, Danny, you ever heard of the information economy?

Yeah, the information economy is a theoretical construct.

It locates the post-manufacturing errors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, knowledge is power.

So we understand each other?

Yeah, I think.

Hoo-ah.

Well.

So what was the first movie you ever saw at the theater?

Gangs of New York.

Jeez, like the cartoon?

No, like the premier, actually.

I was 8.

I got so scared that I fell asleep.

And then Daniel had to--

Who's Daniel, like your little brother?

No, no, he's just a friend.

Ah.

Young love at the cinema.

Uh-oh.

Oh my goodness.

Oh my goodness.

Oh my goodness.

What got into you?

What do you mean?

I mean, I thought you were really cute

and that we would have this long flirtation

and then make out at some bonfire.

But then you would start to act like a frat boy.

So I would be like, oh, he's not for me feeling.

So then I'd probably pine you off on all of my girlfriends

who I didn't even really like that much

to begin with, because she was so self-absorbed.

And you two would hook up and kill two birds with one stone.

And then I'd go to my easel, and I'd

paint something really intense.

Hm.

What's your girlfriend look like?

Seriously.

You seem different.

No, seriously, though.

When am I going to get to see the rest of your paintings?

Are you going to answer the question?

What got into me?

I don't know.

I get this feeling sometimes with the summer people.

I don't know if it's the money or the cars or perfume.

But, it makes me feel different.

Like--

- It does that to everyone. - Yeah.

But today, I had a $13 million sale.

Oh my god.

Why didn't you tell me? - I don't know.

I just-- I just wanted to go on a date.

I didn't want to talk about it.

And, you know, I swear, like, I wasn't thinking about it.

But I was still--

I was still feeling it.

It made me feel--

- Bigger. - I guess.

So how long were you fishing this guy?

I wasn't, just today.

Wow.

Who was he?

I don't know, some guy named Walker.

Won't even tell me what he does.

Walker owns a decent chunk of Walker Pharmaceuticals.

Walker, bigger, better.

He told me right off.

I'm an idiot.

Well, but it works for you.

So how did you sell him?

Well, I didn't.

I don't-- I don't sell people.

I mean, that's the whole problem.

Look, if I had a methodology of integrated ambition,

I wouldn't even be here right now.

What?

And why not?

I want to be here.

I like being here. - Why?

Why?

Yeah.

Why?

Well, because you look right at me when you're laughing.

Because you're nice to my dad.

Because you seem-- you seem smart,

experienced in some way, good way.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

What about me?

I was teasing you before about being a dork.

But the truth is that it gets me a little bit silly.

The way you talk to me like you're actually

listening to what I have to say makes me

feel like you actually like me.

Isn't that sort of a given?

You'd be surprised.

May I also point out, since you failed

to mention my chiseled abs?

I knew it.

A shark in dolphin's clothing.

Oh, I don't-- I don't sell.

That's not a sale.

You want-- you want to see a sale?

I'll sell you something.

Oh my goodness.

Dad, what are you doing?

Dad--

It's funny.

Sometimes Charlie Schuyler yanking my chain,

going around telling people I'm old fashioned.

I'm a kook.

Poetry's for drunks and Europeans.

What did he do, dad?

He couldn't even let us have one big sale.

Your sale to Walker, he bollixed it somehow.

We knew it would keep us afloat.

Not even fair competition--

Slow down.

What-- what happened?

Charlie found another buyer.

Foster Cabot's got contracts over at the bank saying

the sale was made this morning.

Cabot's got the paperwork.

Superlative's got the sale.

Yo, spark it up, Danny, dude.

Have you seen the smoker, that smoked sucker.

Check out my Clean Air Act.

Now, how much would you pay?

Hoonie.

Actually, Danny.

Can I talk to you about something?

Hoonie, look.

Foster Cabot Nose Picker III.

Hey, Danny.

I made a good sale yesterday, Schuyler.

You and Cabot are cheating.

Cheating?

Oh, Danny.

Don't be a sore loser.

You know, one of the things that I've always liked about you

is that you made last place look rather romantic

in a potato famine sort of way.

Mr. Wilson--

Yeah.

Please remove this detritus

and take those documents over to Judge Milkin.

You got it, chief.

You have the zoning commissioner in your pocket,

too?

I'll tell you what I've got in my pocket, Danny.

I've got balls.

I've got brass balls, something you know nothing about.

He'll come back.

He'll be baggage handler.

Watch your mouth, slick.

And the home of the brave.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this 66th annual

artists and writers celebrity softball game here in East

Hampton at Herrick Park.

We're thrilled that you're here this year.

We hope you have a great time.

Don't forget, by your raffles.

Buy your one-of-a-kind--

Danny, you clam-digging..

What are you doin' here?

Don't call people names, Nose Picker.

Tell me, what does trust mean?

What does trust mean?

What do you do at Propriety Trust Bank?

I manage large cap for foreigners

and disperse limited access guardian or estate trusts.

Ooo!

You pass allowances to zillionaires.

Something like that.

So you know a lot about their finances?

I know everything, old boy.

Bully for you.

So I'm going to need the name of one

of your clients, someone who'd be willing to buy a house,

like today.

I'm in the game now, old boy.

It's my turn.

Give me a name.

Danny.

No, see that's my name.

I need the name of one of your clients,

someone who's fiduciary trust you must not breach.

How long has Schuyler been paying you to give him--

Oh, wait.

Melissa-- Melissa Devonshire.

But what you've gotta understand is--

If this were a boat, this would be called the poop deck.

Do I know you?

Ah, sorry, Melissa.

It's Danny O'Brien.

Vodka violator with a splash of gin?

That's my drink.

Come on up here.

Sweet party.

Thank you.

Have you ever played drink or swim?

Uh, no.

Hey, everybody.

Show me your poop deck!

This is a sweet party.

I know.

But I don't cry, because this is sweet house, too.

- What? - Well, yeah.

Just so you know, this-- this house is actually in your name.

It's a tax credit for something.

You own it.

What?

You're very beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm secretly engaged to be married.

Sh.

Oh.

Topher, right?

Yes, Topher.

Yeah, he seems like a great guy.

I know.

And he's beautiful.

And you're beautiful.

And if you guys want to be together,

you should be together whatever your stupid parents say.

Right?

Like, Amagansett?

Yeah.

In like a totally cozy storybook

cottage down on the beach.

Yes.

Like a state of the art recording studio

in the basement?

Yes.

What?

Topher is a singer, songwriter.

- Really? - Really.

Kiss me to seal the deal. - Well, I--

What's the matter?

Melissa-- listen, I just--

Cat got your tongue?

Give Melissa your tongue, cat.

Well, I think that this listing

just came on the market, so--

and get violated.

I think that--

Woo!

OK.

Listen, this house just came on the market.

Uh-hm.

So-- and what we--

Stop.

What, we're not right.

This isn't right.

Why would you do that?

Topher!

Topher!

It was a $3 million cottage.

Oh, so you had no problem selling a $3 million

house to an 18-year-old girl.

But you drew the line at tongue.

License my roving hands and let them go, before, behind,

between, above, below.

Oh, my America, my new-found land, how blessed

am I in this discovering thee.

Who?

Who?

Oh, this is good.

My father with better breasts.

Don't be crude.

John Dunne would've sold that little girl a bridge.

And he was a clergyman. Oh.

Relax, Danny.

I'm teasing you.

I mean, it's not like you slept with her

and then disappeared and never called or stopped by.

Are you faking an ice cream headache right now

No I wanted to--

Wow.

You really can't lie, can you?

Just admit it.

You didn't call me, because you thought

that I told Schuyler about your beach house deal with Walker.

Right?

Yes.

I'm not a cheater.

Good.

I'm there this summer, because I have to be.

I don't want to be a Superlative.

You know, consider yourself an honorary O'Brien.

Come work with us.

Not to be ungrateful, Joe.

But I think I'd want to see you guys win a few games

before I sign on to the team.

Oh.

It's not a game.

Then all the more reason.

Oh, tough, too.

Girly, if you can dance, my quest is at an end.

La, dun, la, la, dun, la, dun, dun, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la, La, la, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Sometimes you want the whole picnic basket,

something to get you excited.

Sometimes it's good to have a screw top.

But one thing is for sure.

If it doesn't get you excited, it's not incentive.

That's beautiful, wonderful, absolutely tremendous.

The line is screw cap, though.

I like screw top.

Well, I'm partial to screw top myself.

You like wine, Danny?

Yes, sir.

You like feet?

Yeah.

You cannot have good wine without big feet.

No, sir.

Stomping.

Am I right, Kelly?

You have a good aroma about you, Danny,

an early hint of crisp green.

Thanks.

How's you finish?

My--

It's one thing I hate.

It's wine that smells good, has good color,

starts out full, but then fades and leaves a tinny aura.

Yes, sir.

I'll get straight to the point then.

Foster Cabot suggest I talk to you

about buying some retail store front door in Southampton.

Retail?

Do I look like a shop owner?

No. No, sir.

But, you know, commercial property

can be used to hide assets from your ex-wives.

I take very good care of my ex-wives.

And from your current wife.

- What? - Danny.

Uh, screw this.

Well, screw you, Hugh.

Danny, weak finish, bad aura.

Amityville aura, definitely.

I have a long one here.

walks play right.

Danny.

Don't touch.

Amityville what?

Amityville aura.

But he didn't laugh?

No, he was pissed.

He was a dick.

Whatever.

But he was right.

I was too hungry. You know, I started talking--

I love this game.

Didn't this game used to be British?

Aye!

Sophie, you silly git, hit the ball.

I start talking money too soon.

Basically, every sale I'm either too soft or I'm too hard.

Oh, that is a sticky wicket, what?

Never mind, I don't know.

All I'm trying to do is buy a house here.

And to tell you the truth, so far,

I'm not really that satisfied.

But I like you.

So the lesson for today is this.

Life is like croquet.

What, be the ball?

What? No.

No, be a man, man.

Swing the mallet hard.

There's no nobility in failure.

Look, our balls are touching.

You little shit.

Hoo-ah.

Hoo-ah.

I'm sorry, I love you work.

- Unbelievable. - Isn't that what they say?

Unbelievable.

What's the score?

So he a dick.

Forget about it.

Yeah.

But do you ever think how many of the things that, you know,

we think are so delicious or beautiful

or noble are really covered with somebody else's toe jam?

Haggis.

Spam, spam, spam, spam, and haggis.

All of like the truly, you know, innovative people,

the ones that actually cure brain cancer, something, you

know, they're the people that aren't afraid to take

their shoes off and just, I don't know,

stomp a few obsolete rules.

Have you been hanging out with Walker again?

I can't talk about that.

What?

Let's not talk shop.

You really don't trust me.

I don't know.

What's Schuyler been up to?

What's his whole plan with this Tilden Head thing?

I don't know yet.

Well, so you don't trust me.

I wouldn't be here if I didn't trust you.

But I mean, even you said you wanted to see

me win a few games, right?

So maybe Walker's right.

You need power to do good in this world.

Hey, Danny, Walker's own family

flipped on him, because he was faking research results.

So you have been hanging out with Walker.

You're so cute.

Not only can you not tell a lie, you can't keep a secret.

I'm not cute.

And here's a secret.

We can't see the fireworks from here.

We can hear them.

But they're over on the bay side.

How about this for a visual?

So why are we here?

Because this is the one night of the year when

nobody comes this side of town.

Oh, good one.

Shadow puppets.

Shadow puppets.

Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet save,

o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Play ball with me.

I mostly trust you.

But I'm totally in love with you.

Oh my goodness.

Whoa.

Ah!

So how are things at the pet store?

I filed the last of the blind trust commitments.

Oh, come on.

Nose picker, indulge me.

All of the puppies have been adopted.

And I mean all of the kittens have been neutered.

And the kibble, it's filled with Luden?

The Luden-- you got half a billion sand

dollars under your control.

And there are no more fish in the sea.

You know?

I'm going to drop the ax on Joe on Bastille Day,

because it's funny.

Funny, ha-ha.

Funny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the French Independence Day.

So it's like July 4, but for France.

And it's when, um, they decided to, basically,

execute all the rich people who were taking all of their money.

Wow.

What are you?

Mozart.

And this is Marie Antoinette.

What Mozart French?

I don't think so.

You have to sing!

Cham--

Cham--

--pan-ya.

--pain.

Does that look like a dog sorta?

Hey, sport.

Oh, hey, Walker.

How'd you get in this party?

Uh, actually, I was invited.

Walker, Clare.

Clare, Walker.

Suki suki, y'all.

Ah, I always answer that number.

So we gotta go.

I told you we'd have to move fast on this deal.

Yeah.

But I mean, this is--

Hey, you ever played peekaboo? Watch.

Boom.

Walker, cut it out.

Danny, you like driving games?

Have some fun.

This isn't fun.

Besides, who's the caddy up front?

What's Clare's last name?

Turn on your lights.

No?

You don't know Clare's last name?

It's Logan.

It's Clare Logan. Why?

Why, exactly.

All right, name the two wealthiest communities

in the United States. - Huh?

You get it right, I'll give you headlights.

I don't know, West Palm Beach and Beverly Hills.

No.

Atherton, California and Kenilworth, Illinois.

Never heard of them.

Exactly.

The super rich, Danny?

Not really, really, really, rich, like me, but the ultra

wealthy, like rich like the ocean is wet,

you'll never know they're there.

And they're no fun.

They got so much money, they don't even care anymore.

Uh, I think--

I think this is private property.

God, you're a wonk.

Here.

What the hell?

Who does tree work in the middle of the night?

Someone who can't get the permits

to do it in the daytime.

But this is Tilden Head.

Yeah, Tilden, Rockefeller, Nixon, Johnson, bunch

of dead white guys.

That's all in the past.

This is someone who thinks he owns the future.

Schuyler.

Yeah.

He thinks Tilden Head is a new airport waiting to happening.

He's got everybody in on it.

He's going to make a fortune.

There's only three things stopping him.

What?

Those protected dwarfed pine, those endangered

great blue herons, and us.

Wait.

What blue herons?

Why didn't they fly away?

Protecting their fledglings?

So why am I here?

Look, I've got investors lined up out of town, all right?

At the auction when it's too late for him to cover up,

I want you to testify to what you're

seeing right here, right now.

Then you're going to make 6% of hundreds

of millions of dollars.

But what are you doing to do with Tilden Head?

I'm going to rename it Daniel O'Brien Memorial Park.

And I'm going to raise fuzzy bunnies here

to donate to the sick children of the world.

It's about tax credits, OK?

You remember about the super rich?

My investors are going to make a nice rate of return

just by turning Tilden Head into conservation easements.

Easements?

Yeah, easements plus the bunnies.

Just focus on the grassy knoll.

Charlie Schuyler's lost his corrupted little mind.

Hey, you're telling me.

Sarge, what's this all about?

The bank called your note in, Danny.

They've decided to shut you down.

I can't stop them.

Bankrupt in the middle of the night.

OK.

OK.

Listen, I got to sale.

I got Tilden Head Labor Day weekend, the whole pot of gold,

OK? - Really, Danny?

Yeah.

Really, that's capital, capital.

We are licensed real estate brokers.

But where are we gonna sleep?

Come on home with me, Joe.

I'd welcome the company.

That is so kind of you, Dougie.

Should we pick up a bottle on the way?

I've got one in the cruiser.

Danny?

I'm good, Sarge, thanks.

I gotta check in on a friend.

There once was a maiden from Montauk who made

all the sailors boats rock.

She deepened their ocean with a gyrating motion,

but mostly she straight..

OK, dad.

You know that one.

Oh my god.

If my music makes you feel like dancing,

why won't you dance?

Why won't you dance?

But if my music makes you feel like--

Hello.

Hey, sport.

So you guys know each other?

No.

No.

After our little drive, Clare called me

and just wanted to get a drink.

You called him?

Yes, technically.

But not because-- not-- not what your thinking.

So tell me the flexible truth here that's

going to make this all good.

I can't right now.

You know what?

Don't even worry about it.

It's totally all right.

Everyone trades up.

It's just integrated ambition, right?

Now, sport. It's- it's--

I'm not your sport, chief.

We're having a drink.

You think I don't recognize this?

That's called signaling for a mate.

Oh, so you took psych 101, and you

get to be a judgemental prick?

You have such a chip on your shoulder, Danny.

Just can't wait to be the underdog, can you?

Maybe at work.

In love, I like to be the only dog.

God, you're so simplistic.

Oh, and you're so sophisticated?

Maybe the rules of the game are just too complicated

for me to understand.

Are they?

This is my bar.

If my music makes you feel

like dancing, why won't dance?

Why won't you dance?

I got those.

I got 'em.

Thanks, Annie.

Hey, eyes on the prize.

Whatever you say, professor.

Show me you're a professional.

Channel that feeling.

Money's not personal.

God, this was a bad day.

All right, I understand you and Clare got mad chemistry.

You saw a chance to crush with a summer girl.

And you're a sensitive guy.

So you pretend it's not just summer rules.

Just, you're a healthy kid, Danny.

But Clare and I, we have something different.

Because Clare is a--

Tilden.

You know I was just telling Danny I was going to give you

a ride home for your safety.

Danny, my name is Clare Tilden.

I'm really sorry.

But I can't tell you anything else right now.

Please, just try to trust me.

Tilden, like the point?

Yes, Tilden like the point.

Clare Logan, you're--

you're an undiscovered painter.

Have you been lying this whole time?

Give me my key.

You can these back tomorrow.

I tried to tell you, right?

Look, you stay out of the way for a few more weeks.

And we still have a deal.

It gets easier.

Oh, hey.

Danny, man.

I gotta tell you something.

Definitely not now.

No way, because I've been trying to talk to you.

You, like, my dad got this promotion.

So we got to move to Miami which totally sucks,

except I guess I can homegrown Cuban or something.

But so we got to sell our house really quick.

And I was just wondering why, um,

the real estate dudes haven't, like, called my mom back.

Because your house is a piece of shit.

But, like, my mom was all crying, because how

can we buy a house in Miami?

No, but, because we can't sell our house here.

My parents keep fighting and the chimps are going

to miss the start of school.

Hold shit. - OK.

Hoonie, Hoonie, Hoonie.

Professionally speaking, I have a very

critical question for you, OK?

Do you have any drugs?

Step into my office.

Have you met my summer associate?

Why didn't they fly away?

I've missed this, pop.

Oh, Clare stopped by the shop this morning.

I was just sittin' outside for a minute.

Said you acted like an ass.

Yeah, because I felt like one.

I shoulda known she was too good to be true.

I don't know about that.

She also said goodbye.

What?

She was leavin'.

I-- I thought it was an overreaction.

But she just--

Oh, no, no, no.

It's OK. It's good.

It's good business.

She can sell him the point, marry him, fuck him to death,

get it back, and then sell it again.

That's an ugly thing to say, Danny

O'Brien, ugly and ignorant.

Is that how you mean to sound?

No, sir.

During my second tour when things got bad,

I kept dreaming about the ocean here,

the-- the smell and the light and dreamed myself right

back into it until it was over.

I was 23.

I thought about gettin' a lot of stuff, doin' a lot of stuff.

One night, I lay in my rack, and I counted out the list

of things I actually wanted.

And the top take five were right here.

I felt lucky.

I still feel lucky.

You still miss mom?

I put all my eggs in one basket there.

Of course, that was the only way I knew how to do things.

She was the best thing that could ever have happened to me.

She knew.

You know, I'm OK with you drinkin' and--

and your poetry.

But, uh, you know, I like it when you

talk straight, too, sometimes.

Fair enough.

Hey, guys.

Sorry, I'm late.

I'm gonna go fire up.

I got that new fishfinder for us.

Oh, fishfinder.

Pox.

Uh, Danny, dude.

Quinn.

Get out of the way, Hey.

Hey, Danny.

I got it all set up for ya.

Thanks for helping us out, huh?

No problem.

Congratulations on the, uh, promotion, Mr. Hunsecker.

Cornholing is more like it.

Uh, mom, come on.

We've been at United for 25 years.

And they re-assign him without so much as a fruit basket.

Honey, Danny has a job to do here.

- OK. - Let give you a quick tour.

What-- what-- what's happening?

OK.

That's the bathroom upstairs.

Any time you use the sink, it drips a little bit, nothing

that you're going to notice.

So Hoonie invented the first ever water recycling plant

watering system.

The hydroponicator.

We should probably take it down.

No, no.

It's good.

It gives the house a little bit of character, you know?

It's good.

Hey, Max.

Yeah.

Thanks very much.

No problem.

See you in a bit.

Cool.

Thank you.

So these are, like, normal chocolate chip cookies, right?

Yeah.

All right, that's a no.

It's one of my favorite parts, man, outdoor shower.

Yeah.

What do you want to say?

Do you want me to buy this house?

Everything is like this machine.

It's like--

Energy guy.

Ah, see?

Yeah.

It's leaking from the top.

Ah.

Enough.

Enough.

It's enough.

I'm going.

Thanks.

Thanks for the visit?

It's pretty solid.

They don't build 'em like this anymore.

When was this house built?

Uh, the '60s.

They built a bunch of them out here for the veterans.

This one's startin' to show its age a little though.

Don't we call that loaded with the rustic charm?

Yeah, assuming you find replacing all the beat up

gutters charming.

Oh, that's silly.

That's just superficial.

The walls are dry, right?

This house has good bones.

My dad says that.

Yeah.

He says that house either has good bones or it doesn't.

You can't add 'em, and you can't take 'em away.

You dad sounds like a romantic.

He is.

What's the asking price?

$540,000.

That's a fine price.

Tell them I'll take good care of it.

Congratulations.

Uh.

Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Hunsecker, this is Phyllis Lowell.

She wants to buy your house.

Good job, Danny.

Thank you.

Pretty cool.

Big plans for Labor Day, Danny?

Oh, I don't think so, sir.

Probably just find somewhere to live.

Maybe you can help us find decent quarters for our--

our guys this fall.

We hired 20 guys to bring in the last crop.

And we used to put them up in the barn.

But we had to sell the barn.

What about the old Coast Guard barracks?

Oh, they rent those?

I don't know.

I could make a call.

The fall, you're gonna hunt with us this fall, Danny?

No, no.

I don't think Mr. Farnsworth.

You were always a little soft.

Uh.

Hey, Mr. Farnsworth, if you were chasing

a great blue heron around, what would-- what would

keep them from running off?

Blue hairs?

Great blue heron, pa.

Oh, not on this farm.

There's too much dwarf pine around.

What?

You know, I feel very sorry for you

two boys, worrying about safe sex your whole lives.

Grandpa.

I got poison ivy on my back so bad one time

I couldn't move for a month.

That's-- that's tough.

Yeah.

But what about the great blue herons and all the dwarf pine?

He just misses sex.

I miss the tractor, too, Henry.

That's the game, ladies and gentlemen.

A victory for.

Can you imagine mounting anything so beautiful?

Yes.

So why do you hate me?

Because you stole that beach house from me?

Pillow talk's fair game.

You know that.

You're a bad girl.

And what is this?

Let's go inspect a stable and I'll show you.

GPQ-0408F like fox, Judge Milken presiding.

On behalf of its owners and by order of the probate court

of Suffolk County State of New York for absolute auction--

Hoo-ah.

Well, I-- for absolute auction, the property

commonly known as Tilden Head.

It's 700 acres, 9.3 miles of waterfront.

All ground and air rights as well as flora and fauna--

Glory be to god for dappled things,

for rose moles all in stipple upon trout that stream.

Dougie, get that drunk out of these proceedings.

Public forum.

Plus, he's sober.

Well, fuck it.

Let's just get on with it, so we can get this over with.

Here ye.

Yikes.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doin' here?

Um, I'm actually looking for your dad.

Is he here?

No.

He's at your auction, I'm sure.

You know, captain and the whole sinking ship thing.

Listen, what I said earlier about the whole primate

signaling thing, I didn't take Psych 101, OK?

I wrote an entire paper on pheremone interactions.

Danny, sorry.

But I'm really kinda supposed to go to this thing.

Great.

Definitely.

Sorry.

I better drive.

In the seller's absence, I am instructed

to conduct the bidding process.

Make known your offers now.

Indeed.

Today is, indeed, a glorious day for me,

for us, for our beloved community,

Superlative Properties, together with a group

of private investors, proudly proffer

the required $300 million bid.

Blood money.

Put up or shut up, Joe.

300 million actual dollars.

$300 million and 1.

Sweet.

So in the interest of getting on with it,

I'd like to share a little home movie that I

made that's part of my offer.

You're a good actress.

I know.

I do it a lot.

I don't like people knowing who I am, because then they'll

never see who I actually am.

But I know you never trusted me.

I hated that.

Yeah.

I wanted to talk to you about that.

There are some things I wanted to tell you.

You know, I should tell you that--

Let me go first.

I want to say this.

And don't want to not say this.

I never liked my dad's business.

You know, it always involved a lot of rich summer people

who treated everything and everyone as if they were

replaceable, because they were.

They always act as if they didn't care if it was day

or night, because they didn't.

You know, and my dad, I mean, he would sell.

He would bend words into a pretty little origami flowers.

And he would stretch the truth like taffy flavoring it

with whatever he had to in order to sell

the house to those people.

You could do anything that you want.

But, wait.

I sold a house the other day, a beat up little old

starter home where everybody crowded the contract,

the buyer and the seller.

They cared so much.

And it made me feel even bigger than that easy sale

with Walker.

It was scary.

I loved my job all of a sudden.

Good.

Are you selling me a house?

Me?

I'm selling you me.

I know that you think I'm too serious and--

and I'm whatever, doofy.

And you know what?

You're right.

I just wanted to tell you that I realized

that I care about things.

I just care what happens.

And, you know, I know you've been hanging

out with Walker in the city.

And I know that we don't even have that much in common.

And I know you have to do what you

have to do with Tilden Head.

But money or no money, I can swing hard.

And I want to put all my eggs in one basket with you

now, not later when it's safe.

And I know this is probably all just

a summer rules thing with you.

But I wish you were all in.

I trust you now, even though now is too late.

My mouth is dry.

Good.

My turn?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You were right about that night at the bar.

I was flirting with Walker.

Because it was a game.

He recognized me.

And he was going to tell everyone.

And, you know, he played me.

So I wanted to play him.

And I know you must think that I'm spoiled and selfish.

And I-- I can be.

I can be a total idiot.

But I'm not a cheater.

And I don't do summer rules.

And I have not been hanging out with Walker.

He's like 40.

Ew.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

That-- that-- that is a complete fabrication.

The-- the green screen, that green thing that they use.

- No. - That's what it is.

No.

It's night vision.

It's real.

And it was shot by a dude that we all

know and trust, Danny O'Brien.

He wanted to be here.

We have evidence that Charlie Schuyler intends

to clear cut Tilden Head and construct

a new commercial airport open to national commuter lines.

Why?

Why would you wreck Tilden Head?

Because it's wreckable!

It's called progress, Joe.

Somebody's got to do it.

At least, I'm local.

Goddamn birds.

The building stands at $300 million.

By the power vested in me--

Let's slow this down a little.

Dougie.

Walker, look, I'm no lawyer, but this has got to be some kind

of mistrial or something.

Let's-- let's take a minute here.

I mean-- we're all sick to our stomachs, sick in our hearts.

And we need our hearts to make a decision like this.

Danny, what are you doing?

Wait, you don't understand.

Judge Milken, I propose that--

The next person to interrupt these proceedings

will spend the week in jail for contempt.

I got this, Joe.

Charlie, as a newly indicted felon,

I think you're going to have trouble keeping

your investors together.

But my bid stands, $300 million American for Tilden Head.

And I promise to preserve it as the jewel and the crown

of the Hamptons, a place open to every resident every day,

a pinnacle of beauty and grace.

This is all very lyrical, but what do you mean?

A casino.

He's going to put a casino in there.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Because casinos aren't even legal in this county.

He's already done it twice, once in Texas, once in Florida.

He uses different names.

He exploits zoning variances and exempt large parcels

of land from local restriction.

He's already filed for approval from the governor,

his fraternity brother to incorporate Tilden Head

and remove it from town oversight.

Excellent, grasshopper.

Excellent.

Ambition and stealth, it's a lethal combination.

What do you want?

Three to five sounds good.

3 million, done.

Not dollars, years.

What?

I'm sorry, dad.

I don't know who's going to buy Tilden Head.

You know, and Schuyler's probably right--

somebody with that kind of money,

maybe a golf resort, bunch of condos, I don't know.

That just breaks my heart.

I mean, that's this island the way it was born.

It's good, good.

And if you kill it, there's no more watching that green light.

There's no more swimming off that beach.

There's no more smelling that air coming

off the hill in the summer.

Blackberries.

When we were young, we used to pick

blackberries there together.

Blackberries, delicious.

So $300 million.

You know what?

Schuyler was right about something else.

Those birds, they don't live on Tilden Head.

All right, enough, Danny.

Jealous.

You're in over your head.

OK?

I like you.

And I pity you.

But if you continue to slander me or obstruct this--

Sarge--

--fair and equitable business deal

that we're conducting here--

If there were an accident in the parking lot

and a trunk popped open as a result

and you happened to notice some evidence

of an unsolved killing, maybe blood or feathers

or anything, that would be admissible in a court of law,

wouldn't it?

In plain view, resulting from a totally random accident

like that? Sure.

This is my town.

Sorry, folks.

The parking lot's closed.

Let's go that way.

Those birds were stolen from an Audubon

Hospital in Connecticut.

Walker smuggled them here in his trunk.

Oh my god.

He tortured and maimed those birds just

to screw up Schuyler's plan.

Oh my god.

James Joyce-- no, Dr. Seuss.

I'm sorry I lied to you, Joe.

Girly.

Hold onto these.

They're important.

Hoo-ah my ass, don't mean nothing.

You should have told me you liked

feathers in your.

Hey, Danny!

Remember the three piggies Be the wolf, Danny!

He's never gonna be the wolf.

Where are you this winter?

Stayin' around.

Here?

Hm-hm.

Pff.

So why didn't you just tell me?

Because I promised.

My grandmother passed away last year.

And she was worried about Tilden Head.

She knew that the whole state went to the bank.

So she literally made me swear to her plan,

for me to come here, identify the likely bidders,

and get to know them.

So the final decision is mine.

But you just ran out on the auction.

I donated Tilden Head to the East End Conservation Society.

That's what I was trying to tell you.

It's going to be a park.

I signed the papers in the city yesterday.

Family lawyers made me go ahead with the auction just in case.

Just in case what?

Just in case I regained my sanity

in time to make some money.

The probate papers were prepared both ways for my signature.

And that's what you just gave to my dad?

But I thought the bank owned Tilden Head now.

It does.

But we own the bank.

It's complicated.

It sounds pretty simple, actually.

Yeah, it's actually pretty simple.

I was trying to save Tilden Head, but you already saved it.

No, you saved it.

What?

What are you talking about?

Like I said before, I screw up sometimes.

I thought about selling to Walker and his easements

and just hoping that he did the right thing.

Because I knew him.

Because the family lawyers were all twitching.

But I watched this summer, the way you do things,

the way you don't do things.

Nana would have loved you.

And then at the auction, that just turned me on.

This is my town.

God, your shallow.

Are you still mad?

Let me think.

Um, are you really a painter?

Yes.

Do you really like my dad?

You know I do.

Were you lying to me about anything else?

I'm in love with you.

I ran away, because I fell in love with you.

God, that sounds so goofy.

Well, but it works for you.

Tell the truth.

Are your parents going to hate me?

Has anyone ever told you you smell like puppies?

Is that your answer?

It's the truth.

And both of my parents teach high school in Chicago.

Oh, that old saw, huh?

So at the auction, you ripped of Gatsby.

I know.

But you paraphrased.

Didn't feel right, you know, saying it there.

So say it now.

"There once was a chick from Chicago

and as the moon rose higher, the inessential houses began

to melt away until gradually I became aware of the old island

here that flowered once for Dutch sailor's eyes,

a fresh green breast of the new world.

For a transitory enchanted moment,

man must have held his breath in the presence of this continent,

face to face for the last time in history

of something commensurate to his capacity for wonder."

This is how I spend my life ,,

singin' old songs.

What if I waste my life..

And all my problems, so stupid and not even..

It was supposed to snow and it did for a minute.

There's no distraction now.

spend these years..

But it's that much better.

It was supposed to snow.

But it didn't, so there's no excuses now.

Wait, wait, wait, wait for the action.

Clear out.

Clear out, everybody.

Clear out.

Clear out.

Clear out some more, Josh, one more step out.

And action.

Hey.

Ah!

All right, all right , all right, mom, mom, go, shoo,

fall on the way out, stairs.

- You. - No, you.

You.

You.

You.

You.

I'll come again.

A bit on the nose, isn't it?

But this is Tilden Head.

Tilden, Rockefeller, Nixon, Jixon, Maxim.

What the fuck?

You know, I feel sorry for you two boys.

Dough.

--worrying about self--

same sex--

Dough.

--fair --fair sex.

You are a snot nose little goonie.

--free.

Dough.

You're worried about safe sex all, uh, I get it mixed up.

That's, uh-- that's rough.

Dough.

Dough.

I don't even know what any of that was.

To the roots.

Don't stop the music.

Let it play I say.

Everybody rock this reggae.

Lift your voices, make it strong.

We gonna sing it all night long.

Don't stop the music.

Let it play.

I wanna hear you say long live reggae!

Rock the reggae.

You get that?

One more time.

Don't stop the music.

Let it play I say.

Everybody rock this reggae.

Lift your voices, make it strong.

We gonna sing it all night long.

Don't stop the music.

Let it play.

I wanna hear you say long live reggae.

Na, na, na.

Na, na, na, na, Na, na, na, na.

Na, na, na, na.

Na, na, na na, na.

Na, na, na, na.

Na, na, na, na, na.

Ladies and gentlemen, this when we take a short break.

Don't go nowhere.

Just go to the bar and buy out the bar.

We ain't goin' far.

In the roots.

Na, na, na, na.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.