Original subtitles

(silence)

(soft acoustic guitar music)

- [Narrator] When God began creating the Heavens and

the Earth, the Earth was a shapeless chaotic mass.

And God said "let there be light."

So He divided the light from the

darkness and He let it shine.

He then created darkness again.

He called the light daytime and the darkness nighttime.

Together they formed the first day.

God said, “Let the vapors separate to

"form the sky above and the oceans below."

So He created water, the air.

This was on the second day.

Then He said, “Let the water be gathered into oceans."

"So the dry lands will then emerge."

He named the dry lands Earth and the waters seas.

"Let the Earth be filled with

"every sort of grass and plant."

"Seed-bearing plants."

"The seeds will turn into fruit and so it happened.”

This was on the third day.

(soft acoustic guitar music)

Then God made two huge lights to shine down upon the Earth.

The large one to preside over the Earth.

The smaller one to shine during the night.

The huge light He called the Sun and the other the Moon.

This happened on the fourth day.

"Let the waters fill with fish and other life."

"Let the skies be filled with birds."

"Multiply their stocks."

The oceans filled with fish, the sky with birds.

That ended the fifth day.

On the sixth day, God said “Let there be

"cattle, reptiles and wildlife of all kinds."

And then He said, “Let there be man."

And He fucked the whole thing up.

(mumbling conversation and piano music)

- [Johnny] Steve, alright, Frank. - [Frank] Hi Johnny.

- [Johnny] Did you have a good flight?

- it was a little bumpy in spots,

but the gorilla here, he got sick.

You know, he's a white-knuckle flyer.

- And I'm going to drive back if

it takes seven fucking years.

[all laughing]

- Come on, sit down, have a drink.

- [Johnny] Bruno, what happened?

- We sent Carl Cocomo to Vegas

to talk to 'em, they won't sell.

- [Voiceover] They won't, why not?

- [Bruno] They said none of us should sell.

The heat'll pass and the skimming will start all over again.

- Bullshit, skimming's out of style.

There's no way to make any more moves, I say get out.

- Let's let this asshole who's been buying

all these places in Vegas take it.

- [Johnny] He's got five spots now.

The government won't let him have

any more, they call it a monopoly.

- Fuck it, let's get rid of it and

let's get off the hook anyway we want.

- I swear to Christ, they won't sell.

They must be dumping money into Swiss banks for themselves.

- How many won't sell?

- Seven of them, three in Vegas and the four in LA.

- Bruno, when you talk, lower your head.

The FBI's across the street. I hear they can read lips.

- Are we bugged?

- Positively no.

- Watch this, (whispering) fuck you.

(atmospheric brass music)

- We'll do what we were gonna do last year.

We'll put a contract on the seven of them.

We need a good man and a new man.

- I think I got just the guy.

He's getting out of the joint, he's good and he's new.

- [John] When you get out, you'll meet with Mike Cortese.

He'll hand you the briefcase, 100 000 will be in it.

Then it's up to your to find a way to do this job.

But John, you know these people, I don’t.

How come they're picking on me?

Yeah me John, they're picking me.

Seven people is a lot of people to nail.

- [John] Hey Paul, you're either in or you're in the way.

- [Bruno] He's smart enough to carry it out

and easy enough to be put away.

- If he's getting out of prison,

he'll have plenty of heat on him.

We can't afford any fuck-ups.

- I'm sure about this guy, I did 11 years with him.

This guy has a fetish for being a good Samaritan.

His only concern is taking care of his friends.

Three dummies and an old man.

They've done 1000 years in prison together

and always take care of each other.

He needs the money to take care of his friends, doesn't he?

- Well, I figured if we made one score, a big, heavy score,

I'd buy a boat, put the three guys on it,

take a cruise around the world.

There ain't no law on the water.

No law, no judges, no cops, no bullshit, you're free.

The only thing you got to worry about

is some fucking maritime asshole.

- We’ll give him 100 G's in front and he'll flip over it.

- 100,000?

- [Bruno] All he's going to do is hold

it 'til he hits the magnificent seven,

and Mike and I will get it back when we hit him.

Even if he beats us for the money,

where are you gonna get seven guys put away for less money?

- The money will be here tonight

and we'll have a car for him in Vegas.

- How will I know the car?

- You say this guy's got balls, is he Italian?

- Yes.

- It'll be written on the car.

- You stay well, I'll see you in a month, in a month.

Alright? Good luck, goodbye, good luck. - (mumbling)

- (mumbling)

- See you in a few months. - OK.

- Good luck. - You too, take care, Paul.

- [Paul] Take it easy.

- Hey Paul, thanks for everything you did. I really appreciate it.

- What is there to appreciate?

I did, what was I supposed to do?

What was I supposed to do?

- I needed it.

- I took care of a young kid, what did I do?

You're going to do me a favor when you get out of here.

What did you promise you were going to do?

- I promised you I'd stay straight.

- You're going to stay straight, get off that fucking junk?

You promise?

- Yeah, I promise. - I'll see you.

- Hey Paulie, you're gone, huh?

- Yeah, I'm gone, hey, stay well, stay well.

- Good luck. - Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, listen, you. - Yeah?

- You were one of the great singers of all time

and I got a guy on the outside that's got

a nightclub that'd be perfect for you.

I'm going to get you a deal there, when will you be out?

- I'll be out in six months.

- Six months, OK, anything else you want me to do?

- Hey yeah, do me a favor will you?

- What, what? - Would you go by the house?

- You want me to feed the kids, do something?

- No, feed my flamingo for me.

- You son of a bitch, stay well!

(slow brass music)

- [Jean] You know, I'm offering you

anything you need to begin a new life.

- [Paul] I appreciate it, honey.

I really appreciate it.

How are your so-called friends, those

heavyweights, going to take it?

- Take what?

- Here, have a drink.

- Yes sir.

- Well you know, you've been a

woman of caliber all these years.

Active in hospitals, charities, crippled funds.

Now they're going to see you with me, a criminal, a convict.

What kind of light is that going to put you in?

- Paul, my real friends will understand.

Some of my so-called friends will have to

accept you because of my wealth and position.

- That's what I mean, how can I fill his shoes?

I can't give you what he gave you.

And your children Jean, are you kidding?

- My children only want to see me happy.

And they're well taken care of.

Had two loves in my life.

One addicted to violence and life on the streets.

The other a wonderful man dedicated

to making the world a better place.

I loved you first, Paul, and he

knew that but he never said anything.

When they locked you up the first time,

I cried 'til there were no tears left.

Those were lonely years for me.

- Hey, hey don't you think I know?

I understand, I put over 20 years in prison.

You know that? 20 years.

In and out of those garbage cells.

You're the only thing in my life, Jean.

The only thing that's ever been clean and decent.

What kept me from going stir crazy was just the thought

of you living with a man that was clean and decent too.

- Paul, but he's dead, without him I thought I was dead too.

- See, I knew that you were loved.

I knew he was loved back.

- Now that you're back I can live again.

Don't take that way from me, I

don't want you to look like a gigolo.

You won't ever have to steal another thing

or hurt another person as long as you live.

- Jean, why do you want to screw this all up, why?

(Hamlet barks) Hamlet, be quiet, go sit.

I love you Jean and I'll always love you.

Remember that, I'll always love you.

(soft guitar music)

- [Voiceover] (singing in Italian language)

♫ I feel our souls together blushing, we laugh in the rain ♫

♫ Our hearts rushing, we drink in the sun ♫

♫ Our eyes just touching ♫

(singing in Italian language)

♫ How could I walk away when there's always you?

♫ When I have you in my arms ♫

- (Italian language)

- (Italian language)

- What is it?

- I've come for two reasons.

One to see you and the other I have to

explain, an important matter has come up.

These people have offered me a deal, I need the money.

I can make a new life for myself

and for some important friends.

- Is it a kill?

- Yes.

- You have to do it.

(light rock music)

- [Paul] I thought about it for days, It finally hit me.

I knew another guy in Vegas named Giorgio.

Sicilian wacko, he'd done time with me too.

He'd do anything for a buck.

I would offer him 50,000 dollars

to kill the three guys in Vegas.

At the same time, I was killing the four in LA.

This way the outfit would know that I had a

partner and they wouldn't whack me out.

(blues rock music)

(high, frenetic guitar solo)

- [Voiceover] One, two, three, four.

(lounge music with horn section)

(fast guitar solo)

- [Voiceover] 14 hundred, Louise, what are you doing to me?

14 hundred dollars, I'm stuck in this game.

I work here, give me a break, do something for me, will you?

Give me something, give me a hand!

- [Louise] What do you want from me?

- [Voiceover] You know what I want from you

and you're doing it to me real good!

Can't win a, can't win a hand.

- [Announcer] 73, 23, 130, 129, 33, 102, 32.

- Oh! - [Announcer] 54.

- Thank you, dear.

- Louise, if God can't beat you,

how the fuck am I going to beat you?

(all laughing)

- [Paul] He's a funny man.

Louise, you know Giorgio, don't you?

Where can I find him, where is he?

- He's really in bad shape, he's in town somewhere.

- I'll search around for him, thanks.

(psychedelic rock music)

(coins clattering)

Hey, Paul! How are you?

Good to see you! Come on! Let’s get out of here. Come on.

You don't know how long I've been looking for you, Giorgio.

- [Giorgio] I've been in bad shape, Paul.

I don't want anybody to see me like this.

- But you got a beautiful place here.

- It belongs to this broad I go with.

She pay my freight.

- And you slip her the Italian sausage, huh?

- What else?

- I'm going to get you even.

Some people out in Chicago want me to

carry out a hit involving seven people.

Three here and four in LA.

- (Italian language) How much?

- 100, 000 dollars, Giorgio, half

of that is yours if you accept.

- Why not?

- [Paul] You hit three here, at the same

time I'll be hitting the four in LA.

It'll confuse the Chicago people.

They won't be able to figure out how

I been in both places at the same time.

- It's simple but it's beautiful, you got a deal.

- I will call, stay here and stay loose.

(Heavy rock music)

- [Paul] Giorgio, (Italian language)

- [Voiceover] (singing in foreign language)

- Hello, Paul - [Paul] Hey, how are you?

- Let's have a drink, huh? - Why not?

- [Bartender] Good evening sir, would you like a drink?

- [Paul] Why not? Give me a little bourbon straight up.

- [Bartender] Same for you, sir?

- [Paul] Hey Nicky! - [Nicky] Hello Paul.

♫ Hey hey hey going down to the nightclub ♫

♫ down to the nightclub, down to the nightclub ♫

♫ down to the nightclub, down to the nightclub ♫

- Park your car, sir?

- [Giorgio] Why not?

♫ Down to the nightclub ♫

♫ Hey, down to the nightclub, down to the nightclub ♫

♫ Right here, do the monkey, come on do the monkey ♫

♫ Do the monkey and really get funky ♫

♫ Hey, here's Gene Autry doing the monkey ♫

♫ Do the monkey, everybody get funky ♫

♫ And crawl on your shoulders and do the mashed potato ♫

[Voiceover] here's a brand new dance, ladies and gentlemen.

We're going to lay down here tonight.

This is called the Cocktail Waitress dance.

Let Frank handle a demonstration for you.

The cocktail waitress dance right now.

(audience laughing)

Here it is, the cocktail waitress dance.

And we got a dance for you, ladies and gentlemen.

Inspired by the Las Vegas audiences,

this is called the pit boss dance and

And here's Frank to do that one for you, the pit boss dance.

(audience laughing)

There it is, the pit boss dance.

- Bill, my people in Chicago are going crazy,

they're ready to put a contract out on all of us.

- [Bill] I don't give a shit,

that's the way it's going to be.

- How about you, Bo?

- [Bo] Whatever my father wants,

that's the way it has to be done.

- [Giorgio] Room service.

- [Bill] Great, it's the food.

- [Voiceover] Bill, I think we're

being ridiculous about this.

- [Bill] Shit, I'm hungry.

- Salute. Per cent’anni

- [Paul] Thank you.

- All my life I wanted to mastermind something in Vegas.

I finally got lucky.

- Yeah, but you want all of Vegas.

- Fuck all of Vegas.

- [Voiceover] Gentlemen, this is Paul Miceli

- Hello - Hello

- How do you do?

- Dress the table.

- Did you bring the check?

- Yes.

- Give it to me.

- Why not.

(gunshots)

- Paul!

(gunshot)

- You motherfucker. (gunshot)

(gunshots)

- Paul, why me? - Why not?

(heavy rock music)

(soft piano music)

- [Peter] Tell me, who lives better than us?

- [Paul] Hey, it's better than being in the joint, huh Luke?

You having a good time?

- [Luke] Yeah, everything is beautiful.

All we need is a few broads.

- Me? Me, I’m worried.

The old man's home all alone and

we're here having a good time.

- He's planting his tomatoes.

- Man I’d like to plant that tomato.

- Hey Luke, that's a spook. - So what?

- Hey, I didn't know you liked mulignan.

(laughing)

- And we got enough problems? And you want to play with hookers?

- Hey Pete, you doubt everything, everything you doubt.

Hey honey, you want to play Mala Femmina for me?

Thank you, you want to bang this buffalo,

you go right ahead but don't put me with her alright?

- Then give me 100.

- 100? What're you going to do,

bang her whole neighborhood?

- Here.

- Here honey, put a down payment on your new bed.

- Where do we go, my place or your place?

- No, we go to our place, we don't

want to fuck up your neighborhood.

(all laughing)

- Cool it man, I ain't taking all of you for 100.

-You got 100 from each guy, from me you

ain't going to get a foreign coin.

You want to take her to the car?

- Yeah.

- Buona salute.

Check.

You gonna give her a bang?

- Why not? We been in the joint 13 years.

All we seen was big tall blond boys walking by.

- So you want to give her a little scaff right?

- Why not?

- So you dip the sausage, you get lucky, come on, thank you.

(mumbling)

(disco music)

♫ Sing to me another song of love ♫

♫ Tell me about the moon and stars above ♫

♫ Say that I will be with you, always happy never blue ♫

♫ Sing to me another song of love ♫

♫ Sing to me another song of love ♫

♫ I fit you just like a little glove… ♫

- [Paul] Hey, hey. (loud crash)

(retching)

- [Paul] What the hell is going on here?

- These guys have been in jail so long

they can't take that drinking anymore.

- [Paul] Hey, you alright? Hey!

Hey, you know what you do?

Put 'em in bed, put 'em in bed with the old man.

Hey you OK? (toilet flushing)

Hey, come on, get the fuck up, get up, hey come on.

- Where's the broad?

- Fuckin’ broad's up your ass, come on.

- Hey Paul, Paul?

- [Paul] What the hell went on?

- They can't take that drinking anymore.

- That's ridiculous.

- Do you want your 300 back?

- No, no, honey, keep it, keep it.

- I don't work that way, no score, no pay.

- Hey, take it and buy yourself a

watermelon and some fucking chicken.

(woman laughs)

- [Paul] Oh Christ.

- Looks like Brillo.

- [Nude Woman] Paul, give me a cigarette.

- [Paul] Sure.

I’ll do a regular bit for you. OK?

Ooh shit, you know something?

I saw this bit one time in the picture

with Paul Henreid and Bette Davis.

I thought the guy was so classy every time

he took out the two cigarettes and he handed her one,

but every time I do it, I rip my fucking lip.

- Have you ever kissed a nigger girl?

- Honey, I wouldn't kiss Abraham Lincoln's old lady.

- Really Paul, where do you want me to start?

-Well, why don't you start with the

windows like all them other spooks?

Come here, come here, give me that.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do, alright?

I'm going to give you another hundred and

I think I'm going to change my look.

Alright? - Alright, mmmm.

- [Jean] Come on, honey, let's go.

- Jean, what the hell is that thing up there?

- [Jean] That's called photo-scan,

that's the way Ron made all this money.

It's to prevent shoplifting, crime,

pilferage and people like you.

- OK smartass, let's go.

- Come on in.

- I'll tell you what...

Let me borrow that boat for a couple of months.

I want to take the boys out on a cruise.

Let me take those poor guys somewhere.

Somewhere in their lives, cruise.

Take away all their tension, their bitterness.

They've got so much bitterness in life now.

Let me think about it a little,

and you think about it a little.

(soft classical music)

And when I get back, we'll both

see things in a different light.

And whatever you want, I'll agree to.

(soft classical music)

- [Voiceover] (singing in Italian)

- [Paul] Here's where we are we're in Newport Beach alright?

We're coming all the way down here, we're

going to stop at Maztlán, that's the first stop.

Now, from Maztlán we're coming all the way down to

Central America, we're going right through the Panama Canal.

Panama Canal, we go right across the Caribbean to Caracas.

From Caracas, we go straight across all the way to Morocco.

- [Luke] Where are we going to stop for

gas, in the middle of the ocean?

- There's an island over there called Cape

Verde, we can pick it up right there.

- (Luke) Oh, good.

- From Morocco we go right across to Sardinia.

Sardinia to Anzio. - [The Old Man] That's very nice.

- [Luke] Hey, I was there during the war.

- Well, you're going back.

- [Luke] Hey, Paul, we're leaving the United States!

- [Peter] We're free, we're free!

- [Paul] Hey, listen to this!

People of the United States, judges, cops,

all the law, I got something for you!

Take this and stick it up in your mother's twat!

(slow violin music)

- [Luke] How long will the trip take?

- [Paul] I think it'll take about, well,

the way I got it all figured and charted out here,

it should take us a minimum of about 48 days.

And we'll have a ball, (mumbling) let's have a drink.

(slow violin music)

- [Peter] Hey, did you bring me some coffee?

- [Paul] Hey, would I ever leave you out of anything?

Come here.

- [Peter] What are you doing?

Cut that out, will you?

What, are you goin’ fruit?

- [Paul] Come on, I'm going to throw you in the water.

- [Peter] No, Paul don't, my chain.

- [Paul] What chain?

- [Peter] My chain, I had it around my neck.

- [Paul] Come on, I'll get you another

chain, what are you worried about?

- [Peter] My mother gave me that chain, I had it 18 years.

- [Paul] Hey, I’ll get you a hundred chains, don't worry about it.

- [Peter] I want that chain.

(soft guitar music)

(Harmonica music)

(light rock music)

(slow violin and trumpet music)

- [Peter] Paul, we've been all over

the world, where the hell we going?

- Hey, you're the one who wanted the boat.

- [Peter] How long are we going to be in Rome?

- We'll be here a few weeks.

- A few weeks? - A few weeks?

- That's what I said, a few weeks.

- [Peter] What the hell for?

- We're snatching the pope.

- The pope? - The pope?

- How are we gonna do that?

- Very gently, Cock-eye, very gently.

All my life I waited for something like this.

It's the biggest challenge in history.

- You're out of your fucking head.

- I heard of kidnapping, this is crazy.

- [Luke] Can't we snatch somebody like Castro or someone?

- The fuck is he worth?

We'd have to pay Cuba to take him back.

You kidding?

- [Luke] Yeah, but the pope?

- They'll put us away forever.

- [Paul] So what, the Old Man did 50 fucking years, right?

What the hell do we know about outside life?

- [Luke] If you think it'll work.

Once we've got him, you know how

much we're going to get for him?

- How much?

- I want a dollar from every Catholic in the world.

- You know what you're asking for? 850 000 000 dollars.

- And you haven't counted the Chinese or the Japs yet.

Hey, I didn't know it was that much.

Fuck it, we'll make it a half a buck.

- But the pope, Paul?

- Salute.

(sinister Jazz music)

- (Italian language)

- (Italian language)

- Look, do you speak English?

Because I'm from America.

- Yes I do, can I help you?

- I would like to inquire about an audience

with the pope for me and my friends.

- Father, do you realize how many people

would like an audience with the pope?

This is quite impossible.

- Please, listen to me and then I'll leave.

I understand his holiness, the pope's counsel

is sought by leading personalities all over the world.

Countless pilgrims and delegations

from every nation and every race.

From his exalted position, his holy father,

his help is sought by a variety of humans with problems.

I, Father Paul, have one of these problems.

I'm on a cruise with a very important, wealthy man.

He wants me to arrange this audience for him, myself,

Father Peter Milo and Father Lucas LoBianco.

And he has asked me to contribute this money

to whatever charity or organization

his holiness thinks needs help.

The amount is 50,000 dollars.

- I'll see what I can do.

This amount will be nothing to what he has planned.

This is just a start, he doesn't have long to live.

My brothers and I have shown this

man the light of God and the church.

Before this man dies, his holiness, the

pope, the right hand of God, must see him.

As Saint Paul proclaimed there is

but one way to achieve the love of God.

It is to be in union with Him.

Words do not count, only deeds.

This man's deed is to share his wealth,

give it to the church and they will

distribute it amongst all the children of the world.

- God bless you, father.

- God bless you, father.

(sinister Jazz music)

- [Peter] Paul, what the hell are you looking at?

- [Paul] Can't you see I'm figuring

out how we're going to nail the pope?

We're going to make the biggest

score you've ever seen in your life.

What a score we're going to make.

We go through here, then we come around

this way and we go through there, OK?

- (singing in Italian language)

- [Peter] 13 years I've been in the bucket.

When are you going to get me laid?

- [Paul] Listen, who the hell do I know here in Rome?

What the fuck am I, a pimp?

I'm looking to make a score with this guy, just wait and

listen for a minute, just for one second.

(Italian language)

- [Paolo] (Italian language) the Citroen Maserati

- [Paul] That's it, Citroen Maserati.

- [Paolo] (Italian language)

- [Peter] What is he talking about?

- [Paul] He asked me if I wanted a Rolls Royce

or a Citroen Maserati, what do you want?

- [Peter] Maserati sounds good to me.

- [Paul] Then we got it, we got it? - [Paolo] Si.

- [Paul] Beautiful.

- Hey Paul, I'm tired, I'm looking to

get laid, I had a rough day today.

I can't take it anymore, I'm going

upstairs and going to bed, see ya.

- [Paul] You're drunk, you've been drinking all afternoon.

- [Peter] (Italian language) when

they're drunk, they're drunk.

And he’s some kind of drunk he’s been drinking all afternoon.

But you don't understand me, I'm

sitting here whacking my willy.

You're going to get me the Citroen Maserati?

- [Paolo] (Italian language) - [Peter] (Italian language)

(funky bass riff)

♫ Oh, what a night for romancing ♫

♫ The moon in all its splendor ♫

♫ The stars above are dancing ♫

♫ your kisses are so tender ♫

♫ oh come back, cara mia ♫

♫ Why keep resisting ♫ (Paul laughs)

♫ I love my bella mia ♫

♫ All I want is your kisses ♫

(singing in Italian language)

(slow tense music)

- [Paul] (whispering)

Come on in, you old dummy.

Get in here.

Take off your clothes, your holiness.

Don't forget to get out of here.

Put a custodian's outfit on, they left

it with you at the front gate.

Here's the tickets, I love you.

You be on that plane 7:30 tonight.

(tense guitar music)

(knocking on door)

- [Radio Announcer] We interrupt this

broadcast for a special report.

The statement released by the Vatican today is saying

that at 3:30 pm Rome time, the pope had been kidnapped.

Three men disguised as priests were

granted an audience with the pontiff.

Moments later when Bishop Montgomery - (Mumbling)

- [Radio Announcer] went to gather the

pope, he noticed he was missing.

Police have nothing to go on except a

ransom letter left by the kidnappers

demanding 50 cents from every Catholic around the world.

The minister of foreign affairs at the

Vatican will be holding a press conference momentarily.

We will bring you that press conference live as it happens.

Catholics throughout the world are praying

for the safe return of his holiness.

- [The Pope] Peter, you've polished that

dresser at least three times today.

- [Peter] I'm just trying to make you happy, your holiness.

- [The Pope] Wouldn't you rather be up on the deck

with the beautiful ocean and the fresh air?

- [Peter] No, not really, all those years I spent in jail,

well, I'm not used to the outdoors anymore.

- What are you used to?

- Nothing, once I was afraid of the big ocean.

- A lot of people fear the ocean.

- I think, once when I was a kid, I almost drowned.

- Oh, no wonder you fear the ocean, how old were you?

- About three, my mother told me the story many times.

- Was it on the ocean?

- No, it was a sewer, father.

- [The Pope] A sewer?

- Yup, some kids pushed me in.

My brother Mike, who was 10 years old,

God bless his soul, he saved me.

- Mike?

- You know him?

- You mean Michael, the archangel.

Peter the fisherman, I will say a special

prayer for you and your brother, Mike.

- Thank you, father, where's your ring?

- I removed it.

- Nobody will steal it.

- Alright, Peter.

(seagulls cawing)

- [Luke] Hello, your holiness. How do you feel today?

- Fine Luke, tell me, why do you wear that vest?

- I fear the water, I'm afraid I might fall in.

- Can you swim?

- Nope, I panic when I take a shampoo.

That's a big ocean out there.

- But you know so much about this boat.

- As long as there's something under my feet, I'm OK.

I brought you a little something to drink.

- What is it?

- Wine, what else does a pope drink?

- A pope drinks a little brandy now and then.

- This is what's available now, I'll get

some brandy for you when we dock.

- Luke, why are you doing this?

- What do you want me to do, father?

Paul calls all the shots, we do whatever he says.

- And you kidnap people because he said so?

- I know, we're frightened about it and so is Paul.

But he ain't going to admit it.

- I'll talk to him, maybe I can talk him out of it.

- [Luke] You're kidding, he ain't going to make a move.

Hey I see you got your mirrors covered.

- Don't you know vanity is a sin?

- I'm too ugly to look in the mirror anyway.

- (laughing)

- [Paul] Geez, you scared the hell out of me.

- [The Pope] I wish it was true.

- What's the matter, can't you sleep?

- Well, at my age, it would require less and less sleep.

Can I sit down?

- Yeah, sure, go ahead.

- (Italian language) - (Italian language) beautiful.

- You speak Italian?

- Is the pope Catholic?

- Why do you go out of the way to avoid me, Paul?

- Why don't you ever speak to me, Paul?

- I can't. - Why?

- Because I'm not a hypocrite, that's why.

I know we kidnapped you, I'm only here

for the money, not your blessings.

I don't believe in that crap.

- Tell me something, Paul, are you a Catholic?

- I was, now I only believe in two things.

Puppies and little kids, they only kiss, they don't rob.

- What made you stop being a Catholic, Paul?

- [Paul] Come on, you're smart.

You're a leader of millions.

You know why people are straying?

The truth is out.

- [The Pope] What is the truth, Paul?

- [Paul] You really want to know?

There's starving people all over this world.

You're the richest of all religions.

You take nickels and dimes from poor people.

In Mexico, peons come with their last quarter, you take it.

In Italy, kids are taught to swindle one another for pennies

so they can give it to you on church Sunday.

And you're sitting with crown jewels and a solid gold altar.

While you're preaching right, which I think is wrong,

every time you prove something is right, you bomb out.

Remember the Jews?

You couldn't save 'em during the war.

Mussolini had control of Italy,

you had control of Mussolini and Italy.

But his holiness Pope Pius XII, he could've

stopped some of those Jews from being slaughtered.

He had all of Italy to back him up.

Six million Jews, that's a lot of weight he

put on the church to carry, didn't he?

And you pick up stupid things like abortion, divorce.

You want children to be born ignorant, poor so some nut,

another nut like Hitler could come and crucify and gas 'em.

You do masses every Sunday, don't you?

How many Black faces do you see in your church?

You play this nice holy game,

but I know you and your people.

You don't want to work on the big stuff, you know why?

'Cause once you make everything right,

you're going to be out of business.

- I pray the day will come when I go out of business.

Good morning, Peter.

- Good morning, your holiness.

- Did you catch anything?

- No father, what's your favorite fish?

- I always liked cod.

- I'll try to catch one.

- They are very scarce in these waters.

- Maybe if we pray to the old lady

downstairs, we'll catch one.

- Saint Peter was a fisherman, he'll help you.

(easy pop music)

- [Peter] Your holiness, your holiness, I caught one.

- [The Pope] A cod? Clean it! - [Peter] Yes! Good, good.

My God, my God, my mother's cross!

This cross, I lost this cross in Newport.

- In Newport? - Yes, Newport.

♫ If you believe that this must be ♫

♫ then believe, believe, believe in me ♫

- I'll tell him.

- He's gonna blow his top.

- [The Pope] I'll tell him.

- [Paul] Hey, who's driving this boat, the archangel?

What the hell is going on, here?

- [The Pope] Paul, we are leaving this boat.

- You're what?

- The boys have found their way, there is nothing you can do.

We are leaving this boat, you can not overpower us.

We're going with God.

We're leaving, Paul, come with us,

no harm will come to them.

- What about you, Luke?

- [Luke] I'm not scared anymore.

I'm not looking over my shoulders for cops.

Every time I look over, I see him there.

You have to understand.

- He will be free of everything.

- I can't get over this.

- [Luke] Please, Paul, he promised

he wouldn't say a word about you.

He wants you to see God as we see him, Paul.

Please Paul, let us go, we don't want to hurt you.

- I'll be a son of a... you're kidding, Pete?

- No Paul, I have a feeling I've never had before.

I feel free with this man, I love

him for what he believes in.

I don't care what you do to me, I'll die for him.

- Where are you going to go without me?

What are you going to do without me?

I took care of you in the joint,

out of the joint, we made a bargain.

- He belongs to the Lord, you have no right to him.

We'll take the rap for this.

- You don't think for one minute I was

going to harm this man, do you?

Saint Peter, Saint Luke, I can't get over this.

He nailed you, he showed you the way.

Get out, get out of here, all of you!

Get out of here!

You feed him, you give up the luxuries.

You, Peter, become a monk!

You, Luke, become a servant of God!

Me, I'll scheme, I'll kill, I killed for you!

Don't you know that?

I shot seven guys!

For you!

I killed seven fucking guys for you, and you.

Do you know?

I shot seven people for you.

You take care of these basket cases.

Peter the doubting Thomas, take Luke, the simple-minded.

You feed them, you clothe them, you worry about them!

Get out, go home, say your fucking prayers!

You're all at peace, I guess.

Your holiness, come here.

Luke, Pete.

If anything happens to them, anything happens to them,

I'll kill 100 priests for each one of them!

That'll be my way of evening the score for the Jews!

Get out and God bless you!

Here, I want you to wear this.

I know you don't appreciate the artwork on it.

I want you to wear it in good health, your holiness.

- [The Pope] Thank you, I truly appreciate this.

- My pleasure.

- Goodbye, goodbye.

- [Peter] We love you, we all love you.

- Goodbye - [The Pope] God bless you.

- [The Pope] Paul, Christmas is coming.

Christmas Eve, I want you to light a candle for us.

- [Paul] What good is me lighting a

candle going to do for all of you?

- Paul, it does all of us a lot of good.

- [Paul] OK, your holiness, you got a deal.

- Thank you.

(sombre guitar music)

♫ Love me each day, like today ♫

♫ Non che male. Love me like this every way ♫

♫ Non che male ♫

♫ I feel our souls together blushing ♫

♫ We laugh in the rain ♫

♫ Our hearts are rushing ♫

♫ We drink in the sun ♫

♫ Our eyes just touching ♫

♫ Non che male ♫

♫ When I see your face ♫

♫ Non che male ♫

♫ Here in your embrace ♫

♫ I always knew today ♫

♫ when our love was new ♫

♫ I'll never give away ♫

♫ all my love for you ♫

♫ Non che male ♫

- [Jean] Paul, I have bad news, they killed Giorgio.

♫ Non che male ♫

♫ Yes, you're always there. ♫

♫ How could I walk away? ♫

♫ When there's always you ♫

♫ When I have you in my arms ♫

♫ Non che male ♫

- Good evening, I'm Carlton Carnathan

reporting for Channel Three News.

Today's top news story isn't about war, or

man suffering or man's inhumanity to man

but instead it's a Christmas story that

gives a very special meaning this Christmas

to the words "peace on Earth," and "good will towards man,"

for millions of people around the world.

At this very hour, all of Rome is rejoicing

at the safe return of his holiness, Pope Paul,

who is reported in good spirits and good health

and resting comfortably at the Vatican.

The happy ending to this Christmas story

involves three modern-day wise men.

Saint Luke, Saint Peter, and a third man

who his holiness has asked to remain nameless.

Saint Luke and Saint Peter are Lucas Lobianco

and Peter Milo, two ex-criminals who

found his holiness aboard a boat and

returned him safely to the Vatican.

There is even more to this wonderful story today though.

The 126 000 000 dollar ransom demanded

by the kidnappers was never paid.

His holiness has proclaimed that the entire

126 000 000 dollars is to be distributed

among crippled children the world over,

regardless of race, nationality or religion.

When his holiness was interviewed, he stated

that Lucas Lobianco and Peter Milo could

stay in the Vatican as long as they lived

and when asked about the third man who was missing,

his holiness said "man is strong,

"but fear has cast him down."

Have a nice day and merry Christmas.

(harp chord)

(heavy rock music)

(horses galloping)

(soft, high guitar)

♫ Hey, time and place ♫

♫ gives me pause to wonder ♫

♫ Let me prove what you mean to me ♫

♫ Time, let us remember the time ♫

♫ Hey, now, now is the moment in time ♫

♫ Do or die, poets try ♫

♫ putting words to rhyme ♫

♫ they got by since the beginning of time ♫

(lively brass music)

(phone chiming)

(children laughing)

(lively piano music)

(cheering)

(yelling)

- [Paul] You know, it's been a beautiful day in the snow.

Almost got sick up on that thing, riding it.

Here we are, sitting at the fire,

Christmas and all that jazz.

- [Jean] Imagine mysteries of fire.

Saves lives, keeping people warm.

Course, it also destroys forests and kills people.

Think about it, right now, in churches all

over the world candles are burning.

Well, I'm not concerned about the forest

burning or any of that other crap.

You know something?

I promised a guy that I would light a candle for him.

Would you believe that?

I'm going to light a candle, Christmas Eve.

- Isn't that a little out of character for you?

- Well maybe a little out of character, but I'm going

to light this candle because I promised this man.

- I don’t believe it.

- I swear to Christ, I swear to Christ

I'm going to light this candle.

I'm going to light the biggest candle this guy has ever seen.

Honey, let me have that candle on the table there.

Thank you. And I want you to wait right here

because I may never come back.

(slow, ominous violin music)

(orchestra crescendos)

(orchestra decrescendos)

(orchestra crescendos)

(slow, ominous strings)

(orchestra crescendos)

(loud brass music)

(ballad music)

♫ When love was tender ♫

♫ and life grew so simple ♫

♫ we heard a toast ♫

♫ Per cent’anni ♫

♫ With hearts aglow we heard them ♫

♫ These words of dedication ♫

♫ Per cent’anni ♫

♫ our love would be ♫

(singing in a Italian language)

♫ Now that we're strangers ♫

♫ you run away and left me ♫

♫ and I no longer see you ♫

♫ But though we're apart now ♫

♫ you're still in my heart now ♫

♫ and always we'll be ♫

♫ Per cent’anni ♫ (singing in a Italian language)

- [Duke] OK cut it.