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1
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:07,746
[upbeat hip-hop music]
2
00:00:07,830 --> 00:00:09,876
- In the '80s,
my number one rule
3
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,136
was to avoid bullies
at all costs.
4
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,918
I avoided them at home.
5
00:00:14,004 --> 00:00:15,054
- Hey!
- Chris did it.
6
00:00:15,134 --> 00:00:17,267
Mama, get your belt.
7
00:00:18,264 --> 00:00:19,961
- I avoided bullies
on the block.
8
00:00:20,046 --> 00:00:22,527
- Yo, let me hold a dollar.
9
00:00:22,611 --> 00:00:24,004
- I'm gonna jaywalk.
10
00:00:24,005 --> 00:00:25,131
[grunts]
11
00:00:25,132 --> 00:00:26,174
[handcuffs clink]
12
00:00:26,175 --> 00:00:27,524
And I definitely tried
13
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,180
to avoid the bullies
at school.
14
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:31,178
- Whoa, look, it's Rick Lames.
15
00:00:31,262 --> 00:00:32,872
- Eep.
16
00:00:33,912 --> 00:00:36,437
[hums]
17
00:00:36,521 --> 00:00:39,263
So when a new freshman
who bullied like a senior
18
00:00:39,348 --> 00:00:41,002
showed up, I was ready.
19
00:00:41,087 --> 00:00:42,436
- Yo, bitch.
20
00:00:42,437 --> 00:00:43,562
- Black power.
21
00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:45,174
[grunts]
[handcuffs clink]
22
00:00:49,954 --> 00:00:53,001
- Aww, my maternity muumuu.
23
00:00:53,002 --> 00:00:54,517
I guess the last time I packed
24
00:00:54,518 --> 00:00:56,473
for a trip was when
I gave birth to Tonya.
25
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,302
- How are you going
on a work trip?
26
00:00:58,303 --> 00:01:00,212
I thought you were gonna get
severance money
27
00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:02,999
to buy me singing lessons
for the spring musical.
28
00:01:03,082 --> 00:01:04,300
- I am, sweetie.
29
00:01:04,386 --> 00:01:06,736
Mama's working really hard
to get laid off.
30
00:01:06,737 --> 00:01:08,341
But yesterday
my boss announced
31
00:01:08,342 --> 00:01:10,210
an all-expense-paid
corporate retreat...
32
00:01:10,211 --> 00:01:11,517
[all cheer]
33
00:01:11,603 --> 00:01:13,605
Aka a free vacation.
34
00:01:13,689 --> 00:01:16,170
So that severance plan
is on hold.
35
00:01:16,254 --> 00:01:19,515
Aww, I think this is
Tonya's umbilical cord.
36
00:01:19,516 --> 00:01:21,730
- Are you sure you wanna go
on vacation without us?
37
00:01:21,731 --> 00:01:23,124
We're your whole world.
38
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:25,078
- The retreat's in Philly,
right by the factory
39
00:01:25,079 --> 00:01:26,772
where they make
my chocolate turtles.
40
00:01:26,773 --> 00:01:29,120
Now while I'm gone, if you two
don't know what to make
41
00:01:29,121 --> 00:01:30,261
for dinner, tell Chris.
42
00:01:30,262 --> 00:01:31,901
If you stub your toe,
tell Chris.
43
00:01:31,902 --> 00:01:33,640
And if you can't find Chris,
tell Chris.
44
00:01:33,641 --> 00:01:35,643
- Rochelle, I can handle it.
45
00:01:35,728 --> 00:01:38,470
You won't have
to worry about a thing,
46
00:01:38,553 --> 00:01:42,112
except these items I want you
to borrow.
47
00:01:42,206 --> 00:01:46,442
- Hotel towels, hotel pillows,
a hotel robe?
48
00:01:46,443 --> 00:01:47,812
- What?
I wanna look like
49
00:01:47,813 --> 00:01:49,421
Michael Douglas
in "Wall Street."
50
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:51,598
[rock music]
51
00:01:51,683 --> 00:01:55,707
- And that's why I think Picard
and Dr. Pulaski had an affair.
52
00:01:55,812 --> 00:01:57,118
[gentle music]
53
00:01:57,203 --> 00:01:58,683
- Whoa.
54
00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:00,117
[rhythmic music]
55
00:02:00,202 --> 00:02:02,857
[cheers and applause]
56
00:02:02,941 --> 00:02:05,204
? ?
57
00:02:05,289 --> 00:02:07,900
- I respect Chris now.
58
00:02:07,984 --> 00:02:10,856
- Ooh, Chris, you'd
be the perfect candidate
59
00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:14,074
to wicka-wicka-wicka DJ
the school dance.
60
00:02:14,157 --> 00:02:16,855
- Why? Because I'm Black?
- Because you're Black.
61
00:02:16,938 --> 00:02:19,375
- If you're gonna DJ,
can I be your hype boy?
62
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:20,896
- It's hype man.
63
00:02:20,897 --> 00:02:22,589
- Whatever it's called,
I'm doing it.
64
00:02:22,590 --> 00:02:25,593
- It's called
cultural appropriation, bitch.
65
00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:27,418
- [murmuring]
66
00:02:27,503 --> 00:02:29,984
Hotel bath towel.
67
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:31,417
Hotel toilet.
68
00:02:31,502 --> 00:02:32,807
Mmm.
- Daddy?
69
00:02:32,892 --> 00:02:34,068
- [groans]
70
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,764
- My throat hurts.
71
00:02:35,849 --> 00:02:37,329
Can we go to the doctor?
72
00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:38,544
- The doctor?
73
00:02:38,545 --> 00:02:40,586
Doctors don't listen to people
like us.
74
00:02:40,587 --> 00:02:42,455
I was delivering a package
to the Bronx Zoo,
75
00:02:42,456 --> 00:02:44,067
and guess who signed for it?
76
00:02:44,152 --> 00:02:46,082
- Yep, that's serious.
[snake hisses]
77
00:02:46,107 --> 00:02:47,377
- [coughs]
- Look alive!
78
00:02:47,454 --> 00:02:49,804
Code White! Code White!
79
00:02:49,889 --> 00:02:51,717
[snake hisses]
80
00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:53,325
- But don't worry, I got you.
81
00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:55,021
- I can't lose my voice.
82
00:02:55,106 --> 00:02:57,065
Tryouts for the musical
are next week.
83
00:02:57,150 --> 00:02:58,760
Can we call Mama?
84
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,412
- We don't need your mama.
85
00:03:00,496 --> 00:03:03,542
We got the holy trinity
of home remedies:
86
00:03:03,626 --> 00:03:05,106
steam...
87
00:03:05,191 --> 00:03:07,106
- [sniffs]
88
00:03:07,191 --> 00:03:08,671
[sneezes]
89
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,540
- Vapor rub...
90
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:14,410
- She looked shinier
than Lil Nas X.
91
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:15,930
[fly buzzing]
92
00:03:16,015 --> 00:03:17,065
- Ew.
93
00:03:17,102 --> 00:03:19,322
- And some hot 'tussin.
94
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:21,278
- Why're you mixing it
with water?
95
00:03:21,362 --> 00:03:23,408
- Mo' water, mo' tussin.
96
00:03:23,493 --> 00:03:24,543
- [gasps] Chris!
97
00:03:24,623 --> 00:03:26,190
[scratchily] Thank God.
98
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,406
I'm sick.
99
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:28,838
- Just pour some 'tussin on it.
100
00:03:28,839 --> 00:03:30,232
You'll be fine.
101
00:03:30,318 --> 00:03:32,494
Disco? Elevator polka?
102
00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:35,924
Eartha Kitt and Don Holt
debate cold war strategy?
103
00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:37,750
Dad, what happened
to all your good vinyl?
104
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,184
- I sold 'em
to fix the fridge.
105
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:40,663
Would you rather
have rotten food?
106
00:03:40,664 --> 00:03:41,970
- Yes.
107
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,578
[light percussive music]
108
00:03:43,579 --> 00:03:45,575
- Are you sure
I can't be your hype boy?
109
00:03:45,576 --> 00:03:46,925
- Why do I need a hype boy?
110
00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:49,099
- DJs are so popular
these days,
111
00:03:49,183 --> 00:03:51,011
they all get trampled
by their fans.
112
00:03:51,096 --> 00:03:53,969
- Sad news today
from "Da Club,"
113
00:03:54,053 --> 00:03:56,055
where a DJ has been trampled
114
00:03:56,139 --> 00:04:00,375
because his beats were,
reports say, too funkalicious.
115
00:04:00,486 --> 00:04:02,662
- I could protect you
through hype.
116
00:04:02,746 --> 00:04:04,748
- Do you even know
what "Hype" means?
117
00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:06,791
[rhythmic music]
118
00:04:06,876 --> 00:04:09,836
- When I say, "Hey,"
you say, "Ho."
119
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,443
Hey.
all: Ho.
120
00:04:11,444 --> 00:04:12,527
- Hey.
121
00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:14,139
all: Ho.
122
00:04:14,223 --> 00:04:16,225
? ?
123
00:04:16,226 --> 00:04:18,569
- When I say, "Chris is on,"
you say, "Welfare."
124
00:04:18,570 --> 00:04:20,093
Chris is on-
all: Welfare.
125
00:04:20,178 --> 00:04:21,628
- Chris is on-
all: Welfare!
126
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,486
- She's very good.
127
00:04:24,569 --> 00:04:26,092
- Nope.
128
00:04:26,093 --> 00:04:27,089
- Wait, where are you going?
129
00:04:27,090 --> 00:04:28,526
- It's not worth it.
130
00:04:28,527 --> 00:04:30,436
That's what I shoulda said
before I went
131
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,570
and got stranded
at Burning Man.
132
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:35,829
[thunder cracks]
133
00:04:37,262 --> 00:04:38,312
[umbrella rustles]
134
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,220
- You got records?
135
00:04:41,306 --> 00:04:42,936
- I was so used
to being bullied,
136
00:04:42,957 --> 00:04:45,089
I assumed he wanted
to bully me too.
137
00:04:45,173 --> 00:04:47,871
If you want 'em,
you can have 'em.
138
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:50,172
- What do you know
about DeeDee BigBalls
139
00:04:50,173 --> 00:04:52,045
and the Glitter Boys?
140
00:04:52,129 --> 00:04:54,044
I wanna hire you.
- What?
141
00:04:54,129 --> 00:04:56,566
- I need a DJ for a small party
I'm throwing.
142
00:04:56,651 --> 00:04:59,393
- Me, DJ an actual party?
[laughs]
143
00:04:59,394 --> 00:05:00,997
You clearly don't know
who I am.
144
00:05:00,998 --> 00:05:02,739
- Marcus pays cash money, honey.
145
00:05:02,823 --> 00:05:03,873
- Who's Marcus?
146
00:05:03,909 --> 00:05:06,477
- [sighs]
Keep up, kid. Me.
147
00:05:06,561 --> 00:05:08,084
So you'll do it?
148
00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:10,346
- Well, Chris does like cash.
149
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:11,518
- Great.
150
00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:13,345
It's hard to find
a DJ these days.
151
00:05:13,429 --> 00:05:15,475
All the good ones get trampled.
152
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,518
? ?
153
00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:19,043
- Feeling better, sweet pea?
154
00:05:20,689 --> 00:05:23,214
[phone rings]
155
00:05:23,298 --> 00:05:24,821
- Uh, hello?
156
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,996
- Hi, baby.
- Hi, you.
157
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,953
- That's my father's
I-done-effed-up voice.
158
00:05:30,036 --> 00:05:31,298
- So how are my babies?
159
00:05:31,299 --> 00:05:32,426
Do you need me to come home?
160
00:05:32,427 --> 00:05:33,477
- [squeaks]
161
00:05:34,773 --> 00:05:38,250
- [whispers] No, I'm not.
[fire alarm beeping]
162
00:05:38,251 --> 00:05:39,301
What the?
163
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,211
- I just wanted soup.
- Ugh!
164
00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:45,297
All I need is hotel towels
and tiny shampoos.
165
00:05:45,298 --> 00:05:46,815
And a nightstand,
if it fits in your purse.
166
00:05:46,816 --> 00:05:48,086
Okay? Well, love you.
Bye.
167
00:05:50,207 --> 00:05:53,166
No daughter of mine's
gonna be a background tree.
168
00:05:54,336 --> 00:05:56,034
[siren wails]
169
00:05:56,118 --> 00:05:59,676
[people coughing]
170
00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:02,817
Hi, I think my daughter's
tonsils might need to be take-
171
00:06:02,818 --> 00:06:05,854
- Any bleedouts, heart attacks,
or tramplings during a DJ set?
172
00:06:05,855 --> 00:06:08,902
- No, but-
- Then take a number.
173
00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:11,682
A-18.
174
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:12,899
- Thank God.
175
00:06:12,985 --> 00:06:14,334
I thought I was gonna-
176
00:06:14,419 --> 00:06:16,073
[coughs, grunts]
177
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,551
- Uh.
178
00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:24,086
[soft chatter]
179
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:25,898
- All right, kid.
Are you ready?
180
00:06:25,983 --> 00:06:28,377
You're up.
- Marcus?
181
00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:30,375
- Marcus doesn't exist here, honey.
182
00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:35,289
Only Titney Houston,
choreographer/singer/model.
183
00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:37,285
And, of course,
the legendary mother
184
00:06:37,286 --> 00:06:38,678
of the House of Houston.
185
00:06:38,763 --> 00:06:40,113
- Who's Titney?
186
00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:42,722
- Oh, girl, keep up.
Me!
187
00:06:42,806 --> 00:06:44,242
Now get this party going.
188
00:06:44,243 --> 00:06:46,717
And don't [bleep] it up,
or I'll trample you myself.
189
00:06:46,718 --> 00:06:50,192
[lively chatter]
190
00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:52,763
[together] Huh?
191
00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:55,240
- [exhales]
192
00:06:55,325 --> 00:06:57,501
[upbeat disco music]
193
00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:01,271
[all cheering]
194
00:07:01,368 --> 00:07:05,477
? ?
195
00:07:05,584 --> 00:07:06,672
- Yes!
196
00:07:06,758 --> 00:07:08,630
I knew you would fit right in.
197
00:07:08,631 --> 00:07:10,453
- I always thought
heaven would be filled
198
00:07:10,454 --> 00:07:12,804
with big boobs,
heels, and hairspray.
199
00:07:12,887 --> 00:07:15,194
And it was.
200
00:07:19,538 --> 00:07:21,018
- Hi, sorry.
201
00:07:21,104 --> 00:07:22,496
These pancakes are burned.
202
00:07:22,581 --> 00:07:23,887
- Oh, you don't like 'em?
203
00:07:23,973 --> 00:07:26,367
- [gulps] All good.
204
00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:28,756
- You did the damn thing
tonight, Chris.
205
00:07:28,841 --> 00:07:31,888
- You brought
the O-P-U-L-E-N-C-E,
206
00:07:31,971 --> 00:07:33,886
opulence, to that party, henny.
207
00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:35,233
You owned everyone.
208
00:07:35,319 --> 00:07:37,017
- Impressive
for a straight boy.
209
00:07:37,101 --> 00:07:38,232
- Thanks.
210
00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:39,187
- There's more
where this came from
211
00:07:39,188 --> 00:07:40,450
if you DJ for us tomorrow.
212
00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:42,798
It's Mother's first time
hosting a ball.
213
00:07:42,799 --> 00:07:43,881
- Wouldn't miss it.
214
00:07:43,882 --> 00:07:44,932
Sounds way more fun
215
00:07:45,013 --> 00:07:46,710
than not DJing my school dance.
216
00:07:46,795 --> 00:07:48,057
- Oh, wow.
Look, girls.
217
00:07:48,142 --> 00:07:50,579
Jam Master Gay
found his people.
218
00:07:50,663 --> 00:07:52,187
[both snicker]
219
00:07:52,273 --> 00:07:54,579
[tense music]
220
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:56,487
- And what's wrong with you?
You going through
221
00:07:56,488 --> 00:07:58,621
some psychological change
in your life?
222
00:07:58,622 --> 00:08:00,226
- Yeah,
with those tacky clothes,
223
00:08:00,227 --> 00:08:03,573
that ridiculous shape,
that baggy, saggy face.
224
00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:05,881
- She wears more makeup
than my mother does.
225
00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:09,650
[bright disco music]
226
00:08:09,747 --> 00:08:10,966
- You killed them!
227
00:08:11,052 --> 00:08:13,228
- What?
No, they just left.
228
00:08:13,312 --> 00:08:15,706
Do you know
that Molly Ringwald wannabe?
229
00:08:15,789 --> 00:08:17,660
- She's a bully at school.
230
00:08:17,745 --> 00:08:19,138
Uh, you destroyed her.
231
00:08:19,223 --> 00:08:21,269
- I've got two rules in life-
232
00:08:21,270 --> 00:08:23,788
don't back down from a bully
and never wear kitten heels.
233
00:08:23,789 --> 00:08:25,704
- Teach me how.
234
00:08:26,744 --> 00:08:27,920
- We can show you...
235
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,529
- [exhales] Thank you so much.
236
00:08:29,613 --> 00:08:32,485
- If you DJ my party tomorrow
for free.
237
00:08:32,569 --> 00:08:34,571
I'm still paying off
this wig, girl.
238
00:08:34,656 --> 00:08:36,571
[gentle music]
239
00:08:36,655 --> 00:08:39,180
- [coughing]
240
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,962
- Yeah.
It's cold, smelly.
241
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:46,091
People keep asking me
for foot rubs.
242
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,957
- They offering you money?
[door slams open]
243
00:08:49,958 --> 00:08:51,264
- I can't do another shift.
244
00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:53,130
I'm too tired,
there's too many patients,
245
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:55,307
and it smells like old piss.
246
00:08:55,308 --> 00:08:56,390
- Do you want these?
247
00:08:56,391 --> 00:08:59,090
It'll keep you warm.
248
00:08:59,174 --> 00:09:01,176
Cool.
249
00:09:01,261 --> 00:09:04,307
- Excuse me,
but how much longer?
250
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:06,784
Sir, I got
a sick daughter here.
251
00:09:06,868 --> 00:09:08,087
- In times like these,
252
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,131
my father turned
to a higher power.
253
00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:13,088
- What would Rochelle do?
254
00:09:13,089 --> 00:09:13,996
[door chimes]
- Get on the floor.
255
00:09:13,997 --> 00:09:15,781
You, put the Dunks in the bag.
256
00:09:15,782 --> 00:09:18,170
- [clears throat]
If you let us keep some Dunks,
257
00:09:18,171 --> 00:09:19,170
I'll give you
these breath mints.
258
00:09:19,171 --> 00:09:20,999
It makes a cool sound.
259
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,560
- Damn it,
that's such a cool sound.
260
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:23,611
Fine!
261
00:09:23,691 --> 00:09:25,258
- Bribery!
262
00:09:25,343 --> 00:09:28,346
How about you help
my daughter get a bed,
263
00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:32,411
and I help you get
free garlic bread?
264
00:09:32,515 --> 00:09:36,243
- No. B-22.
265
00:09:36,341 --> 00:09:39,899
- Okay, Chris, we're gonna
teach you how to read.
266
00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:41,429
- I know how to read.
267
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,733
- Not read, read.
268
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,297
It means to lay into someone.
269
00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:47,298
And you know reading is what?
270
00:09:47,383 --> 00:09:48,602
Fundamental.
271
00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:50,907
- Reading is the art of insult, okay?
272
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:54,676
You tell people who they are
by tapping into who you are.
273
00:09:54,772 --> 00:09:58,033
- And we laugh our asses off
because you found a flaw
274
00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,729
and exaggerated it.
275
00:09:59,815 --> 00:10:01,252
That's how we beat bullies.
276
00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:03,992
- The more real,
the more vicious.
277
00:10:04,076 --> 00:10:07,166
And when all else fails
just shout, "Look over there!"
278
00:10:07,249 --> 00:10:09,164
- You ready to tell 'em
like it is?
279
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:13,163
First, you find a flaw.
280
00:10:13,248 --> 00:10:15,337
What do you notice
about this man?
281
00:10:15,421 --> 00:10:20,124
- Um, I guess his nose
is a little big.
282
00:10:20,247 --> 00:10:22,205
[whispers] Sorry.
- Really, Chris?
283
00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:24,989
That's what you're going for?
His nose? Ugh.
284
00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:27,988
Second,
you exaggerate the flaw.
285
00:10:27,989 --> 00:10:29,809
How would you tell
this man he is ugly?
286
00:10:29,810 --> 00:10:31,682
- Uh, you're ugly?
287
00:10:31,683 --> 00:10:33,025
- [imitates buzzer]
Wrong!
288
00:10:33,026 --> 00:10:34,593
You've gotta add some color.
289
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,508
- Like BMW-body made wrong.
290
00:10:37,592 --> 00:10:42,379
- Yeah, this isn't worth
the $5 you offered me to stay.
291
00:10:42,504 --> 00:10:45,463
- And last, you've gotta
deliver it with confidence.
292
00:10:45,546 --> 00:10:47,287
Read this stuck-up
skinny bitch.
293
00:10:47,372 --> 00:10:50,419
- Uh, your butt's so small,
you can't-
294
00:10:50,502 --> 00:10:52,896
- Stop.
No, no-no-no, no, no.
295
00:10:52,897 --> 00:10:54,022
No.
- Stand up straight.
296
00:10:54,023 --> 00:10:55,807
- Hand on hip.
297
00:10:55,893 --> 00:10:57,895
- Perk your boobs up.
- Uh-uh.
298
00:10:57,896 --> 00:10:59,456
Your butt's so small,
you can't even-
299
00:10:59,457 --> 00:11:01,982
- Oh, I see what
the problem is.
300
00:11:02,066 --> 00:11:04,329
It's not your pose, it's you.
301
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,020
How the hell you gonna
look down on somebody
302
00:11:06,021 --> 00:11:07,802
if you can't look
inside yourself?
303
00:11:07,803 --> 00:11:09,414
- You've gotta dig deep.
304
00:11:09,499 --> 00:11:12,023
It needs to feel like
it's gonna bust outta you.
305
00:11:12,107 --> 00:11:14,762
- [straining] Your butt-
306
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,455
- Okay, is he poopin'?
307
00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:20,099
- It's a lost cause.
- No!
308
00:11:20,192 --> 00:11:22,586
No straight boy left behind.
- Child, please.
309
00:11:22,670 --> 00:11:25,140
You just left a straight boy
behind this morning.
310
00:11:27,191 --> 00:11:30,325
- How much for a soup?
- 50๏ฟฝ.
311
00:11:30,326 --> 00:11:31,624
But for you, Doc...
- Oh, I'm not-
312
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,584
- It's free.
313
00:11:33,668 --> 00:11:35,191
- Yes, it is.
314
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,497
- They'll wanna take
her tonsils out.
315
00:11:37,581 --> 00:11:39,583
- Who?
We haven't seen a doctor.
316
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,669
It took forever just
to get this bed.
317
00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:44,144
- [sighs] I'll let
Congress know you're unhappy
318
00:11:44,145 --> 00:11:45,405
with the American
health-care system.
319
00:11:45,406 --> 00:11:49,062
- Ugh!
What would Rochelle do?
320
00:11:52,839 --> 00:11:54,536
- Psst. Nuh-uh.
321
00:11:54,621 --> 00:11:57,211
You think you're gonna skimp
on my child? Not today.
322
00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:59,493
She deserves a mess
of Tater Tots,
323
00:11:59,577 --> 00:12:02,882
so get to scoopin'!
324
00:12:02,969 --> 00:12:06,357
- I got to go off on him!
325
00:12:06,445 --> 00:12:09,100
Hey, your roof leaks
and your lights flicker.
326
00:12:09,184 --> 00:12:10,925
Half the windows
are stuck open.
327
00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:13,317
And you make us wait
a whole day to get a room,
328
00:12:13,318 --> 00:12:15,095
but you're not gonna
send a doctor in?
329
00:12:15,096 --> 00:12:16,786
- Sir, please stop going off
on me.
330
00:12:16,787 --> 00:12:19,268
- I thought I was just
telling you to get to healing.
331
00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:21,619
- I'm not about
to lose my job over you.
332
00:12:21,703 --> 00:12:23,227
- [growls]
333
00:12:24,225 --> 00:12:26,531
- I'm sorry.
I don't have it in me.
334
00:12:26,532 --> 00:12:28,398
- I get why you can't stand up
to bullies now.
335
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,136
- You can't even send back
burnt pancakes,
336
00:12:30,137 --> 00:12:32,052
ya burnt-pancake-eatin' bitch.
337
00:12:32,137 --> 00:12:34,182
- Okay, damn.
338
00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:36,181
- Your dopey ass ain't real.
339
00:12:36,182 --> 00:12:37,743
That's why
you'll never read people.
340
00:12:37,744 --> 00:12:40,747
I may be a Black drag queen in
a straight white man's world,
341
00:12:40,830 --> 00:12:42,310
but at least I walk proud.
342
00:12:42,396 --> 00:12:44,833
And now I'm walking out on you.
343
00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:47,006
- Great. You were my last hope.
344
00:12:47,091 --> 00:12:48,310
- Ain't no hope for you.
345
00:12:48,395 --> 00:12:50,325
We get why everybody
hates you, Chris.
346
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,570
- Hey, I may not know who I am,
347
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,480
but at least I don't base
my self-worth
348
00:12:54,481 --> 00:12:56,831
on two lopsided boobies
and a horse wig.
349
00:12:56,915 --> 00:12:59,613
[all gasp]
And I'd take my chances as a DJ
350
00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:03,001
over your chances as
a "choreographer"/singer/model
351
00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:04,393
any day...
352
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:05,529
bitch.
353
00:13:06,608 --> 00:13:07,958
all: Damn!
354
00:13:08,044 --> 00:13:10,263
- Mm! Finally!
355
00:13:10,347 --> 00:13:12,349
Girl, you read me for filth.
356
00:13:12,434 --> 00:13:14,915
- You ripped me a new one
on purpose?
357
00:13:14,999 --> 00:13:17,045
- Every queen needs a push.
358
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,088
Except for me.
Never touch me.
359
00:13:19,171 --> 00:13:21,695
[gentle whimsical music]
360
00:13:21,779 --> 00:13:25,253
? ?
361
00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:26,606
- Wow!
362
00:13:26,691 --> 00:13:29,781
[squelching]
363
00:13:29,866 --> 00:13:37,003
? ?
364
00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:41,343
[phone rings]
365
00:13:41,428 --> 00:13:42,560
Bonjour.
366
00:13:42,646 --> 00:13:45,779
- Rochelle,
I've got a confession.
367
00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:46,819
- Is she white?
368
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,169
- No. What?
369
00:13:48,254 --> 00:13:49,777
No.
[sighs]
370
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,516
Tonya's sick.
- What?
371
00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:53,952
- She's fine,
but her tonsils are inflamed,
372
00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:55,236
so we're at the hospital.
373
00:13:55,237 --> 00:13:56,643
- Hospital?
What'd the doctor say?
374
00:13:56,644 --> 00:13:57,906
- I can't get one to come in.
375
00:13:57,991 --> 00:13:59,210
I tried bribery.
376
00:13:59,295 --> 00:14:01,079
Uh, I went off on the nurse.
377
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,381
- Why the hell
would you do that?
378
00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:03,772
- I was trying
to be like you.
379
00:14:03,773 --> 00:14:05,463
- But I'm charming
and beautiful.
380
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,297
You gotta work
with what you got.
381
00:14:07,381 --> 00:14:09,078
- I offered him
free garlic bread.
382
00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:11,122
[line clicks]
Hello?
383
00:14:13,902 --> 00:14:15,861
- My mom was willing
to get home
384
00:14:15,945 --> 00:14:18,034
by any means necessary.
385
00:14:18,035 --> 00:14:19,508
- But I'll give you everything.
386
00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:23,576
Tiny shampoos, tiny liquors,
an iron, a wall sconce.
387
00:14:23,682 --> 00:14:27,155
- Like I said, there are
no more buses until tomorrow.
388
00:14:27,246 --> 00:14:29,422
And I don't like your tone.
- [growls]
389
00:14:29,508 --> 00:14:31,771
- You know, my friends
rented a limo.
390
00:14:31,856 --> 00:14:35,753
We're headed in your direction,
and we all love tiny liquors.
391
00:14:35,855 --> 00:14:38,770
[all cheering]
392
00:14:38,771 --> 00:14:40,896
- So which one of youse
is getting hitched?
393
00:14:40,897 --> 00:14:42,986
- None of us.
We're all gettin' divorced.
394
00:14:43,071 --> 00:14:45,247
[together] Whoo!
What about you?
395
00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:46,591
- Oh, I'm happily married.
396
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:49,377
[tires squealing]
397
00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:53,739
- Then she bath-robed her way
into an all-female biker gang.
398
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:57,578
[engines revving]
399
00:14:57,676 --> 00:15:00,244
- Rochelle,
you gonna help us fight?
400
00:15:00,328 --> 00:15:01,460
- Oh, hell no.
401
00:15:01,546 --> 00:15:02,764
But you can take my iron.
402
00:15:02,850 --> 00:15:04,547
- Thanks.
403
00:15:04,632 --> 00:15:06,677
[growls]
404
00:15:06,762 --> 00:15:08,155
[all yelling]
405
00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:10,067
[blows landing]
406
00:15:10,891 --> 00:15:11,941
- I don't get it.
407
00:15:11,942 --> 00:15:13,282
You spent
all that time with them,
408
00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:15,024
and you didn't find out?
409
00:15:15,025 --> 00:15:17,629
- Greg, I wasn't gonna ask them
where they tuck it, okay?
410
00:15:17,630 --> 00:15:19,110
- Chris is on-
all: Welfare!
411
00:15:19,195 --> 00:15:20,892
- Chris is on-
all: Welfare.
412
00:15:20,977 --> 00:15:22,500
- And just like that,
413
00:15:22,585 --> 00:15:26,609
my inner queen was ready
to face my bullies.
414
00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:29,409
Your parents are so poor,
you're the only white family
415
00:15:29,410 --> 00:15:31,848
that moves in
and home values plummet.
416
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:33,847
And you, you got
so many freckles,
417
00:15:33,848 --> 00:15:36,234
if I played connect the dots,
you'd be in blackface.
418
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:37,758
- Don't do me!
419
00:15:37,844 --> 00:15:39,584
- That's right.
You better run.
420
00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:42,062
- You just bullied the bullies!
421
00:15:42,147 --> 00:15:44,106
Why does that
make me so aroused?
422
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,756
[dramatic music]
423
00:15:46,843 --> 00:15:48,061
[bell dings]
424
00:15:48,146 --> 00:15:50,453
- It's time
to turn the turntables.
425
00:15:50,454 --> 00:15:52,318
- Well, what about
your friends' party?
426
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:53,753
- You wanna be
my hype boy or not?
427
00:15:53,754 --> 00:15:56,583
- [giggles]
Raise your hands in the air
428
00:15:56,666 --> 00:15:58,668
like you just don't care!
429
00:15:58,752 --> 00:16:00,363
[upbeat music]
430
00:16:00,448 --> 00:16:02,145
- Whoa, the lights are fixed.
431
00:16:02,230 --> 00:16:03,370
The sink isn't leaking.
432
00:16:03,448 --> 00:16:05,276
Who did this?
433
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,579
- I did.
434
00:16:07,664 --> 00:16:08,883
I'm too cheap to bribe
435
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,750
and I'm not charming enough
to go off,
436
00:16:10,751 --> 00:16:12,405
but I do know how
to fix things.
437
00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:15,493
Now I need you
to fix my daughter.
438
00:16:15,576 --> 00:16:18,014
- It's not a job,
it's a callin'.
439
00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:20,143
And I answered the call.
- [laughs]
440
00:16:20,144 --> 00:16:22,704
- A woman just came in, and
she's 9 centimeters dilated.
441
00:16:22,705 --> 00:16:24,489
Follow me.
- Oh, snap.
442
00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:25,747
Look, I'm not a doctor.
I just-
443
00:16:25,748 --> 00:16:27,011
- Doctor, it's triplets.
444
00:16:27,012 --> 00:16:28,138
Hurry!
445
00:16:28,139 --> 00:16:30,620
- [panting]
446
00:16:30,705 --> 00:16:33,577
[fast-paced jazz music]
447
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:40,405
? ?
448
00:16:43,615 --> 00:16:44,790
[bell rings]
449
00:16:48,832 --> 00:16:51,008
[upbeat hip-hop music]
450
00:16:51,092 --> 00:16:52,142
- Hey.
451
00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:53,264
all: Ho.
452
00:16:53,265 --> 00:16:55,180
- Hey.
all: Ho.
453
00:16:56,786 --> 00:16:58,570
- I got it from here.
454
00:16:58,656 --> 00:17:00,136
- You wanna DJ?
455
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,092
Go spin your head
in the toilet.
456
00:17:02,177 --> 00:17:03,439
- No.
457
00:17:03,525 --> 00:17:05,266
[record scratch]
458
00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:07,613
- What did you say?
- Nothing.
459
00:17:07,697 --> 00:17:10,743
Just it's a good thing
your hair is fiery red
460
00:17:10,828 --> 00:17:13,265
so dudes know how
to stop, drop, and roll away
461
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,348
when they see you.
462
00:17:14,349 --> 00:17:16,090
all: Ooh!
463
00:17:16,091 --> 00:17:17,826
- If this is what
Orphan Annie looked like,
464
00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:19,219
I get why her parents left.
465
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:20,694
[laughter]
- Oh, no, he didn't.
466
00:17:20,695 --> 00:17:22,445
- [chuckles] Wait.
I ain't done yet.
467
00:17:22,521 --> 00:17:25,740
Ha! You look like Chucky's
less successful sibling,
468
00:17:25,741 --> 00:17:26,867
Schmucky.
469
00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:28,217
- Oh, yes, he did!
470
00:17:28,303 --> 00:17:31,522
[audience jeering, laughing]
471
00:17:31,606 --> 00:17:33,434
- [sobs]
472
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,609
[upbeat music]
473
00:17:35,693 --> 00:17:38,130
- When I say, "Katy's"
you say, "Trash."
474
00:17:38,213 --> 00:17:39,475
Katy's-
all: Trash!
475
00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:41,128
- Katy's-
all: Trash!
476
00:17:41,213 --> 00:17:45,026
[cheering]
477
00:17:45,126 --> 00:17:46,176
- [grunts]
478
00:17:46,213 --> 00:17:48,215
[siren wails distantly]
479
00:17:48,216 --> 00:17:50,516
- Oh, I knew I shouldn't
have gone on that trip.
480
00:17:50,517 --> 00:17:51,735
Where's the doctor?
481
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,953
- Prepping
for Tonya's tonsillectomy.
482
00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:55,170
She'll be okay.
483
00:17:55,171 --> 00:17:56,383
- There's a man bleeding out
484
00:17:56,384 --> 00:17:57,908
from a gunshot wound,
485
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,648
but the nurses insisted
I help Tonya first.
486
00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,472
- How'd you get them
to do that?
487
00:18:02,557 --> 00:18:04,342
- I worked with what I got-
488
00:18:04,427 --> 00:18:05,477
work.
489
00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:07,646
[cheering]
490
00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:10,211
- I was lovin'
my new bully-proof life,
491
00:18:10,295 --> 00:18:12,428
and the crowd was lovin' me.
492
00:18:12,513 --> 00:18:14,645
Damn, they're
really feelin' this.
493
00:18:14,729 --> 00:18:15,779
Hey! Hey! Yeah!
494
00:18:15,817 --> 00:18:18,732
[cheering]
495
00:18:18,816 --> 00:18:20,730
- Chris, uh-
- What?
496
00:18:20,731 --> 00:18:23,552
- They're getting too into it.
They're gonna trample us.
497
00:18:23,553 --> 00:18:27,070
- What?
- You're on your own!
498
00:18:27,163 --> 00:18:28,904
- Wave your hands in the air.
499
00:18:28,988 --> 00:18:30,424
Please go back over there.
500
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,293
Aah!
501
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,904
[cheering]
502
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:38,418
[squelching]
503
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,423
- This is for my sister.
504
00:18:40,508 --> 00:18:41,558
- Your sister?
505
00:18:41,595 --> 00:18:43,510
- Katy. Keep up.
506
00:18:43,594 --> 00:18:44,682
[squelches]
507
00:18:44,683 --> 00:18:49,287
- I'm sorry I didn't tell you
sooner that Tonya was sick.
508
00:18:49,288 --> 00:18:50,942
I'm just never on Dad duty.
509
00:18:50,943 --> 00:18:53,287
I didn't wanna mess up
your trip the one time I was.
510
00:18:53,288 --> 00:18:54,768
- It's okay, baby.
511
00:18:54,853 --> 00:18:57,383
I should've known you'd
have it all under control.
512
00:18:57,384 --> 00:18:59,156
- I didn't have it
under control at first.
513
00:18:59,157 --> 00:19:00,506
You make it look so easy.
514
00:19:00,591 --> 00:19:01,940
- It's okay.
515
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,937
One time I left baby Chris
in the store
516
00:19:03,938 --> 00:19:05,568
and brought home
a sweet potato.
517
00:19:05,569 --> 00:19:07,329
Changed his diaper
and everything.
518
00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:08,940
It's just being a parent.
519
00:19:09,025 --> 00:19:10,505
And you're a great dad.
520
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:12,721
- Thank you, baby.
521
00:19:12,807 --> 00:19:14,286
- So how's Chris?
522
00:19:14,371 --> 00:19:16,301
- [groans weakly]
- I'm sure he's fine.
523
00:19:16,936 --> 00:19:18,111
- [groans]
524
00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:21,372
- My baby's okay!
525
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,154
- Oh, baby, no.
526
00:19:26,239 --> 00:19:28,067
Chris isn't here.
527
00:19:30,715 --> 00:19:32,979
- Ooh, those drugs
are too strong.
528
00:19:36,324 --> 00:19:37,499
- Marcus?
529
00:19:37,585 --> 00:19:39,108
How'd you know I was here?
530
00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:41,021
- I didn't. I work here.
531
00:19:41,022 --> 00:19:43,712
If I knew you were here,
your Jell-O would be poisoned.
532
00:19:43,713 --> 00:19:45,498
- I'm sorry
I missed your party.
533
00:19:45,499 --> 00:19:48,538
- [scoffs] It was my first time
hosting a ball, and you bailed.
534
00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:50,711
Do you know what happens
when gays don't dance?
535
00:19:50,712 --> 00:19:51,801
[glass shattering]
536
00:19:51,887 --> 00:19:53,540
[people screaming]
537
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:54,931
- Lights off, bitches!
538
00:19:55,016 --> 00:19:57,540
[power whirring]
539
00:19:57,541 --> 00:20:00,275
- I just thought I finally
found a way to stop my bullies.
540
00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:02,365
I read Katy to tears.
541
00:20:02,449 --> 00:20:04,843
- Tears?
That's too far.
542
00:20:04,928 --> 00:20:07,757
Once you read her like a book,
you close the book, Mary.
543
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,189
If you go past that,
544
00:20:09,190 --> 00:20:11,057
it makes you no better
than a bully yourself.
545
00:20:11,058 --> 00:20:12,838
- I promise not
to miss the next party.
546
00:20:12,839 --> 00:20:15,624
- There won't be
a next party for you.
547
00:20:15,708 --> 00:20:17,362
But I will get you a doctor.
548
00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:19,493
- I'm actually doin' okay now.
549
00:20:19,494 --> 00:20:20,619
Ow!
550
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:21,796
- Doctor!
551
00:20:22,663 --> 00:20:23,969
- Drew?
552
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:24,967
- Just act like
I'm helping you.
553
00:20:24,968 --> 00:20:26,491
- Helpin' me?
[screams]
554
00:20:26,576 --> 00:20:31,066
- ? Everybody
still hates Chris ?
555
00:20:31,184 --> 00:20:32,620
[vocalizing]
556
00:20:32,706 --> 00:20:34,926
[soft dramatic music]
557
00:20:35,010 --> 00:20:36,185
- Nah.
558
00:20:36,186 --> 00:20:37,965
Can everyone gather
around, please?
559
00:20:37,966 --> 00:20:40,403
This'll just take a second.
560
00:20:40,487 --> 00:20:43,403
Listen, I'm a 16-year-old boy.
561
00:20:43,486 --> 00:20:45,270
- Oh, my God.
562
00:20:45,356 --> 00:20:48,490
You finished medical school
by age 16?
563
00:20:48,573 --> 00:20:50,563
- It's incredible
you balance this job
564
00:20:50,564 --> 00:20:52,962
with all the trials and
tribulations of being a teen.
565
00:20:52,963 --> 00:20:55,661
- No!
566
00:20:55,745 --> 00:20:59,472
- And I wanna call the show
"Doogie Howser, M.D."
567
00:20:59,570 --> 00:21:01,615
[murmuring]
568
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:03,050
We can make him white.
569
00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:05,710
- Oh, yes.
- Oh!
570
00:21:33,479 --> 00:21:37,479
- ? MTV ?
571
00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:42,079
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