Original subtitles

Cheers to staying positive and testing negative. [laughs]

MAN: Aussies do it differently.

-WOMAN: And this summer... -MAN: It's about to get...

Fucking wild as fuck.

ALL: [shout] Aussie Shore!

MAN: We've come from all over Australia...

WOMAN: To live in the ultimate party town.

MAN: And here's to fucking!

WOMAN: Hot girls, hot guys.

MAN: Sun, sea, sex.

MAN: It ended up with me on the top bunk

listening to two dudes suck each other off.

Oh! What are you...

WOMAN: And unfiltered partying...

MAN: Like you have never seen before.

Woman: Aaagh!

[splutters]

What?

-What just happened? -I just fell through the bush, cunt.

I'm back, bitches!

Wake up!

But this time I'm the boss.

You have to go to work.

[all groan]

Um, I don't work.

Urgghhh!

Work sucks.

So, I'm not made for this shit.

What the fuck is this sort of work?

I don't think any of these guys have worked a day in their lives,

if I'm honest.

-Oh, my God. -[shrieks]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Catia's boob's out.

Holy shit.

♪ Unbreakable

You're being a fucking bitch around the house.

You're a sook and that's it.

MAN: Living under the same roof 24/7 is fucking hard.

I don't give a fuck who's in the car!

Did he say...

That's what I heard!

I don't want to be in this room right now.

If you're going to make up shit, then fuck off.

You and me? You and me, we're done.

What a cunt.

WOMAN: The reason I don't give a fuck

is because at the end of the night

who's the one licking my pussy, cunt?

-Oh, I'm having heart palpitations. -[siren wails]

Oh, my gosh. She's leaving.

[sobs]

MAN: But at the end of the day, we're family...

My heart is hurting.

No-one wants to feel second best.

And this is why I don't open up.

..one big, messy...

[blows raspberry]

..fucked up family.

I've licked an arse so well that, like, he came from it.

[shrieks]

♪ Happy people dance with me

I've got the rig out and I'm ready to launch.

I'm a little bit of a sly fox.

I'm the queen because I'm the hottest in Cairns.

♪ Happy people dance with me

Step on my toes, I'll stomp on yours.

I'm just doing shit I want to do.

I'm a little bit of a shit stirrer.

My dream job is no job.

Everyone needs a Kyle in their life.

♪ Happy people dance with me

ALL: Aussie Shore! [cheer]

♪ 'Cause I do what I want

♪ 'Cause I do what I want

♪ 'Cause I do what I want

My name is Catia. I'm 23 years old.

I am 100% a fiery Italian.

Either people love what I'm about

or people will be like,

"Nuh. Next question."

I love to party.

I love to mingle with the crowd. I love to dance.

I love to look hot.

I'm ready for my... like, I'm in my hot girl era,

but I want a hot couple era right now.

Like, I'm ready to be coupled up.

Got the glam on, got the rig out

and I'm ready to launch.

Holy cheeseballs! Kelly Clarkson!

Let's go!

Aaagh! Oh, my God!

♪ You

Ohh! Ooh.

Here I come!

[shrieks]

Oh, my God! Are you kidding?!

Is there anyone here?

Hello?!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

The first one here!

I am the first one here!

Of course I am.

Goodness gracious me!

Are you kidding?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's the shag pad! It's the shag pad!

I'm the first in the house.

Obviously, I'm the first in the shag pad.

I'm baptising everything. I'm baptising everything.

Look, Nonna.

I'm the first one in the house.

I'm hoping that I find a sexy boy.

A good young man.

I need words of advice.

Safe sex.

I will.

That's if I have sex, Nonna. I don't know.

I'm...I'm a virgin.

My name's Con. I'm 27.

I've got that European blood.

I know how to fucking party.

Being a barber, I'm a massive people's person.

I don't really shut the fuck up.

I put myself out there. I'm not shy.

I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.

You only get one life, so don't live with any fucking regrets.

With the ladies, it's never really been a struggle.

If you can make her giggle, you can make that arse jiggle.

[laughs]

Not bad.

Wow.

Where is everyone?

Gotta look good for the guys. [laughs] And the girls.

-Hi! -Good afternoon. How are we?

Holy shit.

Have you seen what I'm looking at right now?

-Mwah! What was your name? -Con.

Con. Pleasure. Catia.

Some blonde bombshell in a miniskirt, training arms.

So, this is like a warm-up set, yeah?

-Yep. -Thought so.

How the fuck could you not be turned on?

-What are we drinking? -Vodka, lime, soda.

From a mug.

-Cheers. -Cheers. To...?

-To... What? You tell me. -Staying positive...

-Staying positive. -..and testing negative.

[both laugh]

Con is hot. Hot, hot, hot.

Ticking all boxes.

Who the fuck are you?

-Wow. That's... -Your wife.

Literally. Fuckin' hell.

I think me and Catia are going to have a lot of good times

coming up in the next few weeks. 100%.

How cool is this?

And the bed's comfy as well.

To me, Con looks like...

..a man that would be in control.

Not fucking bad at all.

He's the type of boy that I would bring to my Nonna

and my Nonna would be pleased.

-Is it actually comfy? -Yeah. It is. Give it a go.

I'm not going to be on the bed at the same time as you

in case you get excited.

You get excited, or I get excited?

He's giving big dick energy for sure.

I don't know, Con. You're making me nervous.

Yeah. I have that effect. That's alright.

That big dick energy is what I'm gravitating towards.

Naughty.

Actually, quite spacious.

Like, you can do heaps of things...

What the Mcfuck? Holy sh...

-..in here. -Wow. That's, um...

-Low-key flex. -Yeah. Hard.

This is sick.

Fuck yeah.

My name's Gabby. I'm 22.

I'm from Batemans Bay

and I work at a burger shop.

They call me Takeaway God. [laughs]

My friends would describe me as probably

fucking sick cunt.

Nah...

The party scene is fucking dead where I'm from,

so I'm so keen to be in Cairns

and just get fucking mortalled.

Finish it. I did a bite.

Oh! Hello!

-How are we? -Good. How are you guys?

[squeals] You go, girl.

-Lovely to meet you. -Hello. Lovely to meet you too.

-What's your name? -Gabby.

Hi!

Oh, my God!

I'm waving at you with a banana.

Lovely to meet you.

-Hi. -Mwah!

-My name's Catia. What's your name? -Nardos.

My name's Nardos.

I'm 25 and I'm from Perth.

I would describe myself as hot, pretty.

On a hotness scale,

I'm, like, genuinely...

..a 9.5.

I am so excited to go into the Aussie Shore house.

I'm most looking forward

to seeing who's hot

because I'm going to be walking out that door

if there's no hot people in there.

-CON: Nardos, nationality? -Oh, Ethiopian.

-Wow. That's different. -Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

-Oh, my God. -Greek.

Mmm. I could sense that.

Why does everyone know I'm Greek?

Con, he's not too bad looking,

but I am not interested in any guy

wearing white skinny jeans,

that's for sure.

CON: Wow.

Holy shit.

This is huge. It's almost as big as my legs.

Whoo-hoo! [chuckles]

Can I see what I look like before I go on?

Well, I need to make sure my hair looks good and my jawline looks good,

cause I paid $1,600 for my jaw.

♪ All the eyes are on me

♪ And they all want to do

I'm Kyle. I'm 25, and I froth a filthy mullet.

[laughs]

I get referred to as a pretentious bogan quite a lot.

They're not wrong!

My weeks will normally consist, Monday to Friday,

that is of me being quite serious at my job.

As soon as Friday night hits

I want beers, I want friends, I want parties.

And I will normally end up

with a different sort of pearl necklace around my neck.

[chuckles]

-Hello? -Oh, my God.

-Hey! -Oh, my God!

All I can see is pussy -

pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy,

pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy -

and one gorgeous cock.

I'm just going to go down on this.

-Australia. -Yeah.

CON: Kyle, he's fucking crazy.

He brings that fucking energy, man.

-Gabby. -Gabby.

-Catia. -Oh, very fancy. Very Catia.

I don't act fancy, I swear. It's all in the name.

-Where are you from? Gold Coast? -I'm from Melbourne.

-Oh. -Everyone says that!

CON: He's loud. He's wild.

And you know what? It's exactly how I am too.

Whoo!

Con is sexy.

And if he is the standard of the males who are coming in here,

oh, my God, I think I'm going to have

the best time of my life.

CATIA: I'm feeding the King.

Uh-uh.

Would someone, like, sip me as well?

GABBY: Ooh, a bit of tongue action.

-Oh, he's a spitter. -[all laugh]

Oh, my God.

[ALL CALL OUT]

How's it going?

-Hi. Catia. -Tom.

-Mwah. Lovely to meet you. -Hi.

-Thomas. -Nardos.

I'm happy.

TOM: How good's the house?

Some good eye candy.

That's all I want.

I don't really care what comes out of their mouth.

Do we have an Aperol spritz?

-Really? -GABBY: He's one of those.

I am one of those.

I want tequila. We want the spirits.

Oh, you're an angel.

-Aperol spritz. -Oh, wow!

That's not what we're here for, Tommy boy.

CON: Oi, don't drink that all at once, yeah?

I'm Tom. I'm 24. I grew up in the country.

The only thing I used to ride was a tractor.

Not anymore.

People might say I'm a fuck boy, but I'm not.

I'm just a nice guy who likes to fuck.

In a country town, like, there's a lot of...

How do I word this?

I'll call it shitting where you eat. [laughs]

My type? Someone who can ride me like a stolen bike.

[laughs]

-KYLE: Gherkins. -CATIA: I love them.

-I want to eat one now. -Same.

-Do you want to just have a bite? -Yeah.

Do we put it in?

[both laugh]

Catia is my girl. She's as ridiculous as I am.

[both laugh]

We need Con to open this.

Con, can you open this jar?

She loves shoving things in her mouth just as much as I do.

-Should we do a bite on each end? -Alright, go.

Oh, fuck.

It's not the size of the pickle that matters,

it's what you do with it.

No, don't put it back!

[Catia laughs]

My name is Manaaki. I'm 22 years old.

And I will sleep with anything

that has a heartbeat

and is interested in me.

I've really never had the need to have a pick-up line.

People tend to come to me

than for me to go to them

and, you know, I give them,

like, the little side eye,

the little wink.

I know it looks scary,

but trust me, it works.

My sexuality is pretty fluid.

I kind of just do whatever I want, whenever I want.

If you're hot, I'm probably going to get with you.

It doesn't really matter

what's in between your legs.

I end up in relationships more with girls,

but then, like, guys are so fucking easy.

Like, you jump on Grindr

and it's three messages in

and they're already sucking you off

at your house.

Whereas, like, with a girl,

I have to have a full, like,

week-long conversation.

We'll see if anyone's here. Surely. There's some bloomin' suitcases.

Oh, my God, someone's here!

-Hi! -[others cheer]

Here we go.

KYLE: And we see this tall, beautiful, tanned man.

Damn, shorty! He just might be my type.

-Hi. -How are you? I'm Manaaki.

Mm-mm-mm.

There's something fucking spicy and hot on the menu. And I'm hungry.

KYLE: Manaaki. He is a tall glass of sugar.

If there's gonna be anyone in the house right now,

I'm gunning for him.

Kyle.

Yeah, mate.

I'm clumsy.

♪ We don't drip, drip, drip, we drown ♪

♪ Feel that drip, drip, drip

My name's Lily. I'm 21. I'm from Cairns.

And I'm a professional flirter.

My thing is penis.

I like someone that's, like, ugly but hot.

They need to be funny, even if they have an ugly name.

What's an ugly name? I don't know an ugly name.

Ew!

I've got, like, the best rack ever.

I sunbake with cucumbers on my nipples,

so they're nice and hydrated.

When I go out and I need to flash someone or show someone my tits,

they're ready and they look perfect.

Having real tits works in my favour.

They actually, like, do move.

What the fuck is going on right now?

I'm so ready.

I know I'm going to meet new people,

fuck new people, drink, party.

It's going to be fucking electric.

Oh, my God. This place is insane.

Oh, someone's already here.

CATIA: Oh, she looks hot.

I just see the hottest fucking birds

and the hottest guys I've ever seen in my whole life.

Oh, my God!

Whoo!

Who the fuck is that?

Love it.

Down, boy. Sorry, guys.

-Thomas.-Hi. I'm Lily. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well.

Uh...

Wow.

Lily looked amazing when she walked in.

I'm going to be the first one

to get this chick a drink.

-LILY: I know. -CATIA: I think it's the job.

I think so, too. You've got to do it slowly. See?

Please, good sir. Thank you very muchly.

TOM: That didn't go to plan. Cockblocked by Catia.

Now I'm pouring Con a drink?

Fuck.

CATIA: Drink?

[laughter]

-To Aussie Shore. -ALL: To Aussie Shore!

Whoo!

Oh, this is so cool.

-Excited? -Yeah.

Oh, my God. That fridge. I love pink.

So, that's, like, the best thing ever.

You look like a pink girl, actually.

-Do I? I think I do. -Yeah. Just like a princess.

Oh, my God.

And you can be the king. I'll be the king.

The first person I noticed out of the boys was definitely Tom.

He looks like a good time.

Called me a princess as well. That's my type of shit.

♪ I'm tryin' to cheer somethin' to get your vibes right, yeah ♪

KYLE: Oh, no!

Overall, all the boys are such a vibe.

Like, I vibed with all of them.

Fuck, marry, kill.

-That makes it easy. -Oh, that's good.

Yeah. Let's do that game.

I would fuck Manaaki,

I would marry Con

because, I don't know, I've got a softie for Con.

Bestie, Kyle and...

Kill Thomas?

-Yeah, I would say kill Thomas. -I would kill Thomas too.

[laughter]

What? Are you serious?

Are these girls blind?

Tom is so hot.

I literally would marry, fuck him, take him home, give him babies.

First impression, I didn't really vibe with Lily.

Like, while we're fucking, "Want to get married?"

She hasn't done anything yet, so I feel like a bitch.

But it's just like a standoffish vibe.

I would marry and fuck him at the same time.

OK.

CATIA: Go, Queen, you get that Thomas the Tank engine.

Choo-choo. Choo! [laughs]

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Yeah.

-Oh, mate. -MANAAKI: Oh, wow.

[whistles]

Fuck me sideways.

So do you.

Lily in a bikini, absolutely blew my mind.

I didn't know that girl was packing that.

There might be a little bit of competition in this house.

I always end up winning,

but it's good to have that competition.

The topic came along of body counts.

Oh, mate.

I don't have a number.

Oh, man. I lost count years ago.

Especially when orgies are involved.

Like, you're like, one, one, one, one.

Can I get everyone's name and number, please?

What can I say? It's a great way to meet people.

I'm interested in yours, Catia.

So, I have a detailed list.

Bali guy I met in Gili T.

Spanish guy.

Spanish guy's cousin.

Spanish guy's brother.

Don who passed out after 10 seconds.

Max, who was a manager.

Constantino...

[overlapping names]

Another one.

Not sure what his name was but he was a model from the UK.

So, sometimes you just don't know what their name is.

You've just got to live in the moment.

So, Catia, did we get your number?

How about this? How about this?

Hot.

73. 75.

Very hot.

76. Yep.

Yeah!

That's hot.

One more time.

I like fucking women.

I would say that I'm bi-curious.

I mean, I've done stuff with girls in the past,

but when it comes to licking,

I don't know how I feel.

Catia, who do you think is better? Males or females?

In the bedroom. In the bedroom.

Yeah. One on one. Yeah.

Just like, ah! We'll see.

Call me the pillow princess, if you will.

♪ Pull up to the club, big Bugatti ♪

♪ We gon' turn it up, make it hottie ♪

♪ Who gon' show me love? Everybody ♪

♪ Pull up to the club

♪ Pull up, pull up to the club, what? ♪

-MANNAKI: You gotta... -TOM: Two more. Two more.

KYLE: I am vibing Manaaki tonight.

TOM: Nice.

But I don't know where he stands.

Girls or boys?

If you could choose one person to fuck tonight, who would it be?

Myself.

Good answer. Not helpful.

Because I'm actually not fucking anyone for the first little bit.

Really? Any reason why?

Because I've got standards.

Oh, wow.

Well, that's my chances fucked.

[laughs]

-I'm a man of the Lord. -Oh, God! I know.

TOM: Standards?

You have come to the wrong place, mate.

I just love cuddles. I'm, like, a big cuddle person.

Yeah, I am as well. I'm a massive cuddler.

I love a good, like, 4:00am little, fucking,

"What are you up to? I'm leaving the club.

"I'm ready for cuddles, cunt."

We can fuck in the morning, but, like...

Gosh, I do like me a cuddle.

Help me.

CON: Me and Lily had a bit of a shower.

She, um, got her top off pretty fast.

I was looking at her - I was like, "Not bad."

Sexual chemistry is definitely there.

Tonight's going to be a lot of fun.

TOM: Lily, we clicked earlier. We're having good chats. It was nice.

So, for Lily and Con to be off showering,

couldn't give a fuck.

That's what I'm here for.

I'm here for everyone to be having fun

and get to know each other, so...does not bother me.

I mean, we've got a long time in here.

They can shower, whatever.

♪ I wanna move with your body, follow me to the floor

♪ Dance until we see the sun... ♪

♪ We're getting ready to part-ay ♪

♪ House party night one

♪ Let's get it on, on

Rrrrrr!

Catia!

Yeah?

Shut up!

[laughs]

I don't know. What are you wearing?

What's everyone wearing? That's cute.

-That's cute. -That's cute. I love that.

I do actually have a pretty big fucking arse.

Yeah. You do.

-Do you have fake tits? -I do.

-Do you want to touch them? -They are... No, they're amazing.

-Thank you. -Oh, my God.

-She said that to you?! -Yeah.

I'm like, "Nonna, what do you mean?

Like, I love my boobs." Like, "No, Catia."

I'm like, "Nonna!"

Nonna actually did pay for half my boobs.

Love you, Nonna, my queen.

I love tits, babe.

We all have...

I'm just coming through.

We all have nice tits.

Catia's my girl. She loves tits.

I love tits. We all love tits.

Oi! Come down! Shots! Let's go!

Oh, holy fuck! Holy shit!

ALL: Aussie Shore! [cheer]

Rrrrreee!

Wet T-shirt competition. I'm undefeated.

-I bet you are. -About eight times.

-$300 each. Thank you. -What?

I'm really vibing Lily.

Lily gives, like, innocent vibes,

but freak in the sheets, I reckon.

Yeah.

Like, what's.... What's everyone's dirtiest secret?

I fucked my boss in the freezer at work.

KYLE: Am I your boss?

I'm not going to lie. Lily has me a little rattled.

But I'm hoping to get to know her a lot better.

OK. Lily, truth or dare?

Dare.

I dare you to...

..kiss Con for three seconds.

Fucking here for it.

-If you consent. -CATIA: Consent?

Three, two, one.

Alright, mate, that is your three seconds up.

CATIA: Five...

KYLE: Four, three, two, one. Oh, you can keep going if you want.

Whoa!

CATIA: There we go.

It was definitely the first kiss in the Aussie Shore House.

But that won't be the only thing

that's the first time for.

My lips are moist.

You're welcome.

Kissing Con was so hot.

I'm hoping he's packing downstairs.

-Catia, truth or dare? -Truth.

Catia, would you ever peg someone?

Oh, yeah. I've done that before heaps.

Have you?

I've licked an arse so well that, like, he came from it.

From his arsehole?

From his dick. He came from his dick.

You go, but there's no way I would fucking eat arse.

That's, like, insane. Fuck that.

Was he on his back or on his knees?

He was like this - up, up.

Holy shit.

And he's like, "Eat my arse." I'm like, "Alright. Fuck it."

Oh, my God.

I'm going full on in there.

Preach, girl. If that's what you want to do, go for it.

Oh, my God!

What is going on?

That game just got out of hand.

Suck these toes.

[all groan]

Oh, wey...

I'm going to, like, squeeze it together, like, a little.

Like a popsicle.

Ready?

Oh. Oh! Oh, my God.

Yes!

I did not shower.

That's even better.

Eww!

Yeah. Like that, baby.

Tequila!

First night has been surreal.

We are hot, we're horny and we're ready to fucking party.

Oh, my God.

We're fucking on.

Unhinged, hooking up, tits in face.

Arses out, pissing everywhere, drinks everywhere.

We want to keep the party going, we don't stop.

Aussie Shore.

MANAAKI: Yeah. You know, Gabby.

Maybe there was some horny shit in the water.

I don't know what the fuck anyone put in there.

Everyone was just hooking up with everyone.

Whoa. What the fuck in the world is this?

Look at these two.

Tom, you can tell he's a little bit of a slut.

LILY: Me and Con, we've been vibing all night, flirting.

But I like Tom too.

It was a good kiss.

He's so cute. He's definitely, like, my type.

Yes, Tom. Yes! Yes!

I really want to take Lily straight up to that shag pad.

I just want everyone else to fuck off.

Lily is getting a bit of attention from me and Tom,

but I'm confident there's no competition with Tom

or anyone else in the house.

I'm a man of my word, and when I see something I want,

I usually get it.

So...bring it on.

♪ Girl, you really got me

Oi, this is actually nice.

♪ Look at those, look at those two ♪

♪ I've got everything I want right here ♪

♪ Girl, my home is where you are ♪

♪ Everything I need is all so clear ♪

Watching Tom and Con try and impress Lily,

it is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.

♪ I've got everything I want right here ♪

♪ Girl, my home is where you are ♪

Con strutting his stuff?

Hilarious.

♪ I've got everything I want right here ♪

♪ Girl, my home is where you are ♪

♪ Everything I need is all so clear ♪

[laughs]

Whoo!

Come on, Lily. Hop on.

Alright, ready?

Wait, so, we have to go more to the side.

The sexiness in the pool.

Like, we were doing some dirty shit.

Me and Catia, we did a piss transplant.

I don't know if anyone's ever heard of that before,

but I had her, like, locked on my waist,

and we just, like, started pissing.

Can you feel my stream?

Whoo!

Oh, my God. OK.

MANAAKI: Fucking hell. We're already drunk. We've already hooked up.

Eating arse. Like, what is next?

Let's toast to family.

ALL: Yay!

Incest! Incest!

Get your tits out!

Con and Tom are really trying so hard

to get in Lily's pants.

Like, she's with Tom...

..and then she's with Con.

It's just like a cesspit of feral,

just a bunch of fucking horny dogs.

I haven't seen anyone like this, not even at clubs and stuff.

No, I keep... I keep jumping.

You know why? Because I'm trying to suss everyone out at the same time.

-It's the first night. -Yeah, I know.

You don't need to marry them on the first day.

I know. I know, yeah.

I'm really tossing up my options right now.

I just don't know.

First-world problems. It's hard.

Who do you think is going to end up with who tonight?

Lily's absolutely flaunting it, as she should,

because she is fucking a baddie.

And I'm loving that energy. 110%.

-Get some funny drinks. -No. I feel fully mortal.

Hey. Drinks.

The night could not be going any better.

I've got beautiful girls all around me and Lily is all over me.

Like, who can blame her?

Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here.

It's a sandwich. And I want to be the meat in the buns.

Done.

But, yeah, tonight has been so good, eh?

I could definitely get used to this.

What type of girl are you in a relo?

Let me tell you what type of girl I am.

-I had my ex-partner living with me. -Yeah.

He'd come home from work, I'd take off his work boots, shower him.

-I would, like... -You'd shower him?

What the fuck?

I would make sure that dinner's ready.

Have his work lunch ready and love note in and wrap it up.

Catia is literally describing my wife right now.

Fresh work uniform by his bedside table.

Catia is just describing my fucking grandma.

So, you're actually here for love?

Yeah, chick.

Like, fuck, I think I am.

Let it be known I'm here for fun and fucks, no strings attached ever.

I'm heartless and I love it.

See, like, you're my inspiration.

Like, genuinely when it comes to

just, like, fucking without feelings.

Call me old-fashioned,

but I can't lick someone's arse without catching the feels.

Can we play, like, me trying to throw it in everyone's mouth?

Catia is an amazing girl, but we're here to have fun

and I'm definitely going to have some fun.

♪ I used to clean up the table but now when I pull up ♪

♪ They're bringing the seat to me... ♪

♪ Hey, I'm on my way to the top ♪

♪ I'm going straight to the top ♪

♪ I'm on my way to the top

♪ I'm going straight to the top ♪

♪ I'm on my way to the top

♪ I'm going straight to the top... ♪

Con looks like he's scored both Lily and Catia, sly fox.

Guess I need to come up with a plan C.

NARDOS: Quick.

I'll take this off first.

Wait, can you help me? Can you help me?

Here we go, guys. Where's Nardos?

I've connected with Nardos

because she's not all about fucking everyone

and getting her arse out.

Oh, they're in the hot tub.

Who? Nardos and...?

And Tom.

Hey, shots!

They're in the hot tub together. Nardos, you little sneak.

I put my head under the water.

MANAAKI: Tom, you know, he's one of those secret little ninjas.

I can see what he's doing.

Went to Lily, and he was, "On, no, that's with Con."

He'll take a shot, and if he misses,

it's a fucking homing missile to the next one.

NARDOS: I thought you were shy at first.

I did want to score with Lily or Catia tonight,

but Paros, she's cute, and I'm not picky.

Uh, rhymes with...

Nando's. Nandez. Nandos.

Is that it? Is it Nandos?

Or is it... It's not, is it?

Fuck it.

-Nardos. -Nardos. That's what it is.

I knew it was that. So, Nardos.

Oh, my God.

Nardos. Lovely girl.

Super lovely girl.

CATIA: Are we kissing each other goodnight?

Night one. It has been the best night ever.

Do you want to come cuddle tonight?

Do you want to come with us for a cuddle?

Come with us for a cuddle.

I want cuddles.

Oh, my gosh. We're fam.

Like, we are all getting along so well.

And I want it to stay like this forever.

I want to go to sleep.

Going to sleep tonight, I see Manaaki

giving everyone a late-night hug.

Manaaki, come my way.

-Hi. -Goodnight.

I'm saying goodnight to everyone.

Love you.

Tonight I'm unsure who's going to fuck.

I definitely know Lily is going to fuck.

-Goodnight, Lil. -Goodnight.

Who she fucks is a whole different fucking question.

King Con always has a way to get what he wants. Always.

♪ Keep me up all night

♪ Boy, your love is way...

The fact that Tom and Lily were flirting earlier, that's OK.

It's not how you start, it's how you finish.

I'm going to finish.

♪ I want you to keep me up all night ♪

♪ I want you to keep me up all night ♪

♪ I want you to keep me up all night... ♪

Fuck sake.

King Con?

More like Fail Dong.

CON: Fuck me.

[Tom groans]

Waking up a little bit hung-over.

Oh, no, Hydralyte. That's way better.

One of my toxic traits is actually,

like, not putting Hydralyte in the cup.

It's just, like, munching it.

Half the house is still in bed looking like absolute zombies.

Catia is just one of those girls you don't want to wake up, eh?

Watch this.

Good morning.

Arrgh!

What the fuck? You cunt!

You fucking prick!

Prank wars have begun.

I can't believe you just did that.

Fuck you. What the fuck?

I'm seeking vengeance.

I'm going to pop off.

Oh, my God. You are dead.

What an arsehole.

I'm Italian. What else do you expect?

You've got a seriously big hickey on your neck.

Seriously big hickey.

What the fuck is that?

It's big. It's there. It's red. It's dark.

Lily's definitely fucking claiming her territory.

How was your guys' night last night?

Don and Lily obviously fucked.

[laughter]

Don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Bit of a love bite.

That? I had a fight with the vacuum, and I lost. That's alright.

It happens.

Is that what you're calling Lily now, 'the vacuum'?

The Dyson.

I am so proud that the shag pad was christened last night,

as it should.

You've got to give details.

Oh, look, I'll be straight up with youse.

Look. So, we tried, but it...

-We tried. -Wasn't exactly working.

Sometimes your flag's not always at full mast.

If I'm tired, I can't put on a performance.

Yeah.

What the hell? Embarrassing.

Look, it was... Yeah.

KYLE: Poor Con. He had whiskey dick.

Which, I mean, it happens to the best of us.

-You, eh... -Gave it a solid crack.

You got to give it a go.

Who the fuck pissed in the jacuzzi?

Little bit disappointing, but what can you do?

Oh, I'm just onto the next one if I have to.

TOM: I feel for Con a little bit.

But also, like, Operation Lily, it's on.

Game fucking on.

♪ Go!

GABBY: I'm excited, guys. I'm excited.

MANAAKI: We're feeling rough as fuck.

We're hitting the road to go find some food.

What's the most extravagant place you've done the dirty?

Yeah. I've been caught by the police having sex.

-It was actually just in a car park. -That's crazy.

Can we just hop in a car park quickly?

Yeah, that's crazy.

Did you know that we're the only species that have sex for pleasure?

No. Dolphins are as well.

Dolphins are horny cunts. They fuck humans.

Is that how they go? [imitates dolphin calls]

LILY: Cheers for today. It's your first day actually out as well.

And cheers to getting fucked up tonight.

[all cheer]

Hangover food, carbs. I need you inside me right now.

-But I haven't tried that one. -Reverse cowgirl is overrated.

Yeah, it just doesn't bring me pleasure.

Like, it brings them pleasure,

-but I'm like... Yeah. Whatever. -What one? Which one?

The reverse cowgirl.

Like, lying down. Like, boring.

-Boring. -Boring.

We cannot get sex off our minds, out of our mouths.

We are dogs on heat, I swear.

Guys, what do we talk about when we're not talking about sex?

Just as I thought. Absolute silence.

Oh. What animal would you be?

Like, what would be your animal?

Finally, a non-sexual conversation.

Um, um, um...

-Can I be a dog? -And explain why.

You have to explain why.

Because my favourite sex position is doggie. So, like...

Fuck it, I tried.

Holy fun, this is good.

We are most definitely becoming a family.

A fucked-up family, but a family.

And tits out for the boys.

This is good.

-Yeah. Nice. -This is a mojito.

I think.

WOMAN: This is so nice.

Oh, my Lord.

Where the fuck is everyone?

I'm a party girl.

The thing most people find attractive about my body

is my tits.

Alright. Where's the women at?

I'm here to have some fun, to be an absolute idiot, be myself.

My type is anything with a vagina.

[burps noisily]

Holy fucking fuck me up the arse.

I am very much a bogan.

And I'm small and sassy. A bit feisty.

Hello?!

Oh, my God!

I'm back, bitches!

This time I'm the boss,

so you better start taking me seriously.

Wake up!

♪ Happy people, dance for me

♪ Ayo, ayo

♪ Ayo, ayo

♪ Ayo, ayo

♪ Ayo, ayo

♪ Happy people, dance for me

♪ Happy people, dance for me