All language subtitles for Aussie.Shore.S01E03.Banana.Humping.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-RAWR_track3_[eng]

Look, Nonna!

I'm hoping that I find
a sexy boy.

-Mwah. What was your name?
-Con.

Con. Catia.

Con is hot.

He's the type of boy that
I would bring to my nonna.

So are you actually
here for love?

Yeah, I think I am.

We're home!

Hi!

We have newbies
in the house

and they're fucking amazing.

Lift. Expand.

Step aside, boys.
Lily is gonna be mine.

I probably don't feel
like I fit in here.

Definitely feel like
the outsider.

I am leaving everyone.

-Hello!
-What?

Who the fuck is that?

Lexie is very hot property.

She came in like she
was fucking top fucking cunt.

Stay away.
That's my man.

Con's like the type to
bring, like, the best out of
me.

Ah, stop.
I'm starting to get a boner.

He has risen. That's crazy.

I have to
stick to my guns

because if I get right to it,

I could fuck it up
in the long run.

Got the rig out
and I'm ready to launch.

I'm a little bit of a sly fox.

I'm the queen because
I'm the hottest in Cairns.

Step on my toes,
I'll stomp on yours.

My dream job is no job.

I'm a little bit
of a shit-stirrer.

Turn up that music
and watch me dance.

I do use my tits
to an advantage.

I came out my mom's vagina
having a party.

Everyone needs a Kyle
in their life.

Aussie Shore!

Same.

-Yeah.
-Oh.

It's a beautiful experience,
showering with girls.

We're now bonding,
and it's so beautiful.

I love this.

Girls should have
each other's back.

Oh, my God, it's so cold.

The girls so far are very
loyal.

The girl code is topnotch,

which I'm really loving that.

I'm drawn to positive energy.

If you know me,
I love a good nude shower.

Everyone's shaving...

To me, girl code's
a big thing, always.

I've struggled with girl code

because in high school

some of my bestest girlfriends

fucked me in the face.

Our bond is just
getting closer and closer.

Are you done with this?

Do you...

This truly is what
family is about.

Everyone is so horny
this morning.

It has been a few days
of alcohol,

but normally with alcohol
comes sex,

but there's been no sex!

It's the Aussie Shore house.

What is going on, guys?

I feel a lot heavier on my
feet.

I honestly feel like

I'm a born-again virgin
at this, right?

So let's just say

I'm a little
bit sexually frustrated.

It's been the longest
I've been without

either having a wank

or having sex
or having a blow job

in probably about
two or three years.

I'm used to blowing at least
once or twice a day.

Yeah, me too.

So now I'm like,
"Fuck, what am I doing?"

Three nights.
I really need to blow a load.

Tonight is the night.

OK. We need to talk.
We need to talk shop.

So are you bi? Are you more
gay?

I think, like, in terms of,
like, my sexual preferences.

More than one.
Do you know what I mean?

-Like...
-100%.

Because I feel like
it makes it more fun, but...

Oh, yeah, like, it'll be.
It'll have to be gay.

Sexuality is so fluid nowadays.

The best thing about
living in the same house,

we are really open
with each other.

I've gotten with more guys,

had, like, relationship
and, like, that kind of stuff

more with girls.

What, like, so you've never had

a relationship
with a guy before?

-Nah.
-Yeah.

-Scary. Too scary.
-It is.

Hey, I am a free spirit.

I kind of just let myself
and let my spirit

out there to the world.

When I was 14,
Dad got locked up in prison,

and my older brother
took custody of us.

So I did have to grow up,
you know,

probably a bit faster
than other people,

which have made
myself more open-minded.

I think everyone needs
to stop being so serious.

Hello!

Who's that?

How are you all?

Charlotte's here!
Charlotte's here!

I love when Charlotte's here!

I get starstruck and nervous
all at the same time.

I swear my fanny
starts fluttering.

Everything starts happening.

-How are you?
-Oh, God. So many hunks.

I'm feeling the love.

Listen, I'm not a regular boss.

I've been here. I've done it.

So what I want to offer them
is advice.

I want to be a shoulder
to cry on.

I want them to think of us
as a cool boss,

an aunty, a sister, a mum.

So, we've got a lot to discuss.

I wanted to say this, actually,
today,

because you do know that
I'm not just here as a boss.

I can give advice
to anyone who needs it.

So can I just ask,
how's everyone getting on?

I don't like to think
of any of these guys

being upset
or worrying or being sad.

Like, I've been
in their position

and I know what it feels like.

I need some advice.

-Do you want to go for a chat?
-Sure.

Come on, then.

I can see that Lily seems off.

She definitely looks upset,

and I'm eager to know
what's...what's wrong.

OK. Kind of...

Come on. Where should we sit?

Let's get somewhere
nice and cosy.

If I wasn't part
of the show family,

I think I'd probably be in
jail.

If you think I was wild
on Geordie Shore,

you do not want to know me
outside of it.

Geordie Shore
actually calmed me down.

You seem upset.

I feel like...

..I'm being too crazy, I think.

What do you mean? There's
no such thing as too crazy.

I know that is so true.

Since I've been here,
I've been kissing everyone.

I was with Con
in the bedroom just...

I am having anxiety.

I am, you know, a bit...
a bit lost right now.

The best person to speak to
is Charlotte.

She's been through it.

I've come in here
and said to myself,

"I want to be as organic
and as myself as possible."

And you are. And that's
what you've got to do, Lily.

Don't ever sit there
and overthink anything.

The first rule
of being in a Shore house

is don't worry about
what other people think.

If that's what you do
in the house,

you don't need to feel bad
about it.

Look at us at Geordie Shore.

We literally,
like, had so much sex.

When I was in Geordie Shore,
I was unapologetically myself.

Like, I didn't care
what people said.

Just forget about it...

And in the moment,
it felt right.

Exactly.

I wet the bed constantly,

which, by the way,
I've stopped now.

It's been three years clean!

Eliminate all of them thoughts,
right, out of your head,

and just get back
to your day one mentality,

when you were just in here,
having fun, carefree.

You've got to be true
to yourself.

At the end of the day,
she's right.

Like, this is my life.

I'm making choices for me.

I shouldn't be worried about
what other people think.

It felt like weight was,
like, lifting off my shoulders.

If I want to fucking
get my tits out,

I'm going to fucking
get my tits out.

Getting your tits out is
the tamest thing you can do...

-I know.
-My vagina was on TV!

It's still on Google!

Because I'm literally
licking arse today.

'Cause why not?

What, you want to lick
an arsehole?

Yeah.

Exactly.
That's the attitude to have.

Lily has really
took onboard my advice.

Honestly, I should be
some kind of life coach,

because, like,
after our little chat,

she's now going to
lick an arsehole.

Success or what?

And always remember,
be true to yourself.

You know what you will regret?

-And I'll tell you that.
-Not...

Not being yourself.

Right. Enough Agony Aunt.

It's time to get to work.

The people
who are going to work today,

you are on the hunt
for the perfect size and fit.

Dick! Shoes!

How did we get
from dick to shoes?

They're going to be
all different sizes.

Oh, my God. Dildos.

Literally, I have never met

a hornier group of individuals

in my life.

Every answer to anything is
sex.

You are going to be
humping bananas!

I have no fucking clue
what banana humping is.

Where do bananas grow?

-They come from the ground.
-Yeah. OK.

I'm thinking bananas
maybe going up certain holes.

I'm just thinking of
fucking bananas.

Let's go, let's go!

I'm having a nap.

So no-one's actually
worked on a farm before?

-No. Never.
-Wowser.

No, I'm privileged.

Do you reckon there'll be like
animals, like pigs and stuff?

Too privileged for that.

-Farm animals.
-I really want animals.

I don't know. Maybe a monkey.
I don't know.

So I'm kind of excited
for today

because it'll actually be good,
it'll be fun.

We've got the best work,
I reckon.

Yeah, but in the heat,
like picking bananas.

-No, I think it'd be fun.
-No.

But you just... Make sure when
we go in, you just try and
find,

like, a safe spot
to put your tiara.

-Like, what if--
-Fuck off. Babe.

My biggest issue is I lose
interest very, very quickly.

I might love...like,
I might get into the bananas

for about five minutes
and then be like, "Fuck this."

Because I get bored so quickly.

Are you into girls
more than you are boys?

Yeah.

What's the split, do you
reckon?

Ah.

Right now it feels like 90/10.

-90 to girls?
-Yeah.

Whoa.

When I say right now, I mean,
like, right, right now.

My last relationship
was two years,

which is my longest,

and it ended pretty much
because

she fell out of love with me.

So my little heart
was ripped in half.

I feel like emotionally I can
connect better with women.

And that's where I get more
like "I want to fuck you"

is when I'm, like,
emotionally feeling connected.

I get on very well with guys,

but I literally
fucking go weak at the knees

talking to a girl.

Tomorrow it could be
90 men, 10% women.

-Yeah, that's crazy.
-Interesting.

My sexuality
is like up and down.

Like, it's just, like,
personality and connection.

I love it.

So do you find you struggle
to come from dick, then?

Know what?
No guy has ever made me finish.

Ah, well, you're sleeping
with the wrong guys.

Why do youse all think
you've got it in the bag?

Like fucking shut up.

Babes, I have tried,

and I have had guys that are
good at what they're doing,

but they just...they're missing
that final puzzle piece.

There's a spot,

and it seems to be getting
missed every fucking time.

Oh! Put my hand in a spider
web.

-Yeah.
-Will there be spiders?

Of course there is. Look.
Look above ya.

There. There.

Oh, no, don't do that!

If they don't do well
at humping bananas today,

nights out are over.

It's quarantined.

It's basically COVID again.

You're locked in.

I'm just way too fresh

I've never humped
a banana before, no,

but I'm really,
really excited to do one.

I think I'm going to do it
kind of like this.

Like that.

OK.

Guys, this is what we're going
to be using today for our job.

You going to cut one leaf
on one side.

One off the other side. OK?

When I hear 'banana humping',

I'm thinking like,
I've got to get on a tree,

hold it and hump the tree.

-Guys.
-Yeah.

Do you think you're going to be
able to do that?

Yeah, I'm good at humping.

But you don't fucking hump
nothing at the banana farm.

Come on, guys, get going.

You did this one. You did this
one. I'll do this one.

OK, ready?

This is heavy as fuck.

Well done, Kyle.

Do I just keep going?

They're fucking sharp,
these things, hey?

Bro. Watch your
fucking tickle, boy.

Turns out banana humping
is so much more shitter

than I actually thought.

Put that bottom down
gently. Don't bruise my
bananas.

Ooh!

Kyle, this man,

cannot hold a banana
to save his life,

which I'm surprised.

Alright, we'll go the same
time. Ready, set, go.

Alright. We're gonna work
as a team here.

Banana farming is
actually fucking hard work,

but if I've got to work
to look at some,

fuck it, I'll do it.

-Alright.
-I'm not very good at this.

Yes, you are.

Last night,
Tom was flirting with Lexie,

but today it's my turn,
so, yeah, I'm excited.

Lil, come here. Lil, come here.

Tom, he's a country boy.

Doing all this sweaty farm
work,

it's kind of turning me on.

No, go right there. Go right.

As a young kid growing up
in the country,

it was always work.

It was always helping Dad
out around the property,

whether that's
chopping firewood,

mowing the lawns for him.

You know,
Mum and Dad have always

instilled discipline into me.

Oh, my God.
I don't like any of this now.

-Ooh.
-Oh!

Fuck's sake.

Well done. Well done, Lexie.

Should we just fucking
be able to drift off?

Wait, wait. Come here.

OK.

So, Tom is macking on
with Lily up against a tree.

That was me last night.

Are you just being a fuck boy,

or, like, what are you doing?

You know what? Him and Lily
can peel back their bananas,

and I'm going to get
my own fucking banana

and shove it right up
fucking my arse.

Yes, I want to fucking
skyrocket somewhere else.

I don't want to fucking
be on this banana farm.

They're hooking up!

There's a fucking spider web
on my fucking face.

Everything's itchy.
Like, my vagina's itchy.

I'm itchy as fuck!

This lot have done
such a good job today.

With good work
comes great rewards.

And believe me, the one
I've got planned is good.

Banana humping, it was fun.

Oh!

Ow.

Me and Tom are vibing.

We're definitely
having sex tonight.

My feet look like veiny dicks
right now.

Yums.

What do you guys think
about veiny dicks?

I like veiny dicks.

It gives you something
to work with.

I'm so excited. I don't
have to go to work today.

-Do you have a veiny dick?
-No.

-I have got boyfriend dick.
-Oh, do you?

I'm just finally getting
to know some of my housemates.

What's boyfriend dick?

Boyfriend means, like, six
inches. Six, seven inches.

It's not like a massive cock.

We're getting into
a mad D&M in the kitchen

talking about some
deep and meaningful stuff.

When I give you the six, you'll
fall in love with the six.

100%. I'm great.

You learn something new
about them.

You're like, "Oh, my God. I
never knew that."

Yeah, that's exactly--

'Cause no girl ever wants a
fucking 11-inch cock every day.

-You know?
-Speak for yourself, doll.

Hello, sexy people!

-I need to fart.
-Yeah, let's do it.

Oh, my God. Wait.

-Can you move my legs?
-Mm-hm.

Like back and forth,
like a baby?

-Like that?
-Yeah.

Do you know when it's, like, at
the hole and it's ready to go?

-Mmm. Mm, mm, mm, mm.
-Yeah.

Nothing's working. I need
more... I need more cheese.

-When you go...
-Go all the way down?

Yeah. Stretch out.

Now pull up with your elbow
till you're here.

See, I like
a little bit about Con

and I like a little bit
about Cooper.

Yeah. So, like, stretch. I
come down and I stretch across.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I like that
Cooper's sweet. He's soft.

He's like
a gentle giant type of vibe.

It is so easy
to catch feelings in this.

Like, at the end of the day,

we're all with each other.

We're all horny as fuck.

I simply
can't resist temptation.

All the way up. Nice.

There's no treadmill in here. I
was hoping there was gonna be.

Oh, yeah.

I only do 15 minutes of cardio
every day.

I'm not a runner. I don't do
much cardio in general,

but I'm doing a half marathon
to raise...

Holy shit!

..to raise money
for melanoma research.

Wow.

Who's been affected by
melanoma?

-Uh, my old man does.
-Aw.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I've certainly grown
very close to my dad

since, like,
the cancer got serious.

He had like a golf ball
pop up in his...in his neck.

So he went in for surgery.

Six months after that,
it was back, in his stomach.

-So, stage four.
-Fuck.

And we just had, like,
had the best surgeon ever.

Like... Just lucky. The
surgery, it couldn't have gone
better.

We've added significant time.

You know, he'll probably
get Christmas now.

Oh, there were angels and there
were so many blessings

along this journey, like...

Since he shouldn't
be here anymore,

which he fortunately still is

for hopefully
as long as possible,

I'm always saying to him like,

"You've gotta do new things.

"You've gotta go out
and try things."

So my advice is always, like,

give things a go.

Like, take opportunities
that come your way.

Life's short.
I know that. I've learnt that.

OK. Move!

Well, I've already picked pink
anyway, so suck my dick.

OK. I prefer to suck
dick than get my dick sucked.

Really?

Oh, look, at this point

Manaaki and I
are just teasing each other.

I feel like Manaaki,
he's got his type.

He definitely has his type.

And, look,
I don't think I'm his type.

To be fair, though, it's
because I only...I only top.

So, like, I have to find a way
to pleasure someone, you know?

But I don't know.

Reading Manaaki's, like,

vibe towards me
is quite difficult.

No, I'll do both, but, like,
I'm really good at sucking
dick.

I'm great at it.

No, I feel like I'd be better.

He is a beautiful,
good-looking god.

So, we'll see.

Guys, you know
what I've realised?

-What?
-We haven't named the joeys.

What should we name them?

Joey and Joseph.

Joey and Joseph?
Or Tequila and Sunrise!

Aw.

Oh, my God. Love them.

-I'm getting naked!
-I'm getting naked!

I just want to
start partying, kiss chicks.

Maybe I'll propose to
someone. I don't know.

Tonight I'm feeling
on fly. I'm ready for everyone

to have a good night tonight.

We like to party!
Yeah, we like to get naughty!

Whoa.

I reckon you're gonna get
a bit of attention tonight.

I want your attention.

You'll get my attention
tonight.

Lily and I,

there's been some kissing
and some flirting.

Lily, they look literally
perfect. Can I just say that?

I'm perfect? I know.

Tom is way above
every other guy in this house.

I wanna shag his brains out.

Hey?

Alright, Catia, wifey material.
Wifey material.

Listen, me and Catia,
we have that energy.

We can't help
but vibe each other.

I am intrigued
by Con's confidence

and his charm.

He has this charm about him.

Alright, are we doing
the explosion?

Yeah, go.

Like, we are friends
at the moment.

-And...
-We're bonding pretty well.

..three. Up! WHAAA!

But there's always
that little fear

that someone's gonna
catch feelings.

I just wanna be cautious

because we're gonna
be around each other

for a long time.

I don't wanna hurt anyone.

I have a soft spot
for Con,

and that's...that's it.

I'm afraid of
getting hurt by him,

but I have that fear in
general.

We have this flirtatious,
territorial banter,

which I love and I'm down for,

but sometimes temptation's
just irresistible.

That's the dilemma.

We're all here to have fun.

That's what Aussie Shore
is all about.

So I'm gonna have fun.

Here's to love,
here's to honour.

If you can't come in her,
come on her!

Pre-drinks
are going absolutely off.

Tonight's gonna be a good
night.

Here's to
a fucking ripper party!

This is gonna be
a crazy party night.

It's fucking chaos.

I think it's going to get
messy.

Everyone says you don't
need to drink to have fun.

You don't need shoes
to run either,

but it fucking helps, yeah?

Tonight, we are all
going to be on one.

Tom and Lily
are all over each other.

They're doing the little

mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.

Just get married.

Fuck! I picked
the wrong car, for sure.

Gilligan's seems like
a fucking vibe.

Like, let's go.
The party's here now.

So, tonight I have one
mission and one mission only,

and I need to christen
that shag pad with Tom.

He is my guy.

I think Tom did like me
when I came in.

I think he was, like,
wanting to get to know me

and, like,
he was attracted to me.

I think he still is,
but I think that he just

probably cares about his dick,
at the end of the day.

So, whatever.
I'm just here to have fun.

Kissing Catia
is always good

She's got some really nice lips

and she knows how to
use them 100%.

I love kissing.
Kissing's like a...

Well, it's a hobby.
It's a passion!

I just want to kiss everyone!

Manaaki is hot.

He's definitely someone
that I want to sleep with.

That Kyle, uh,
he's a horny creature,

and he's horny for me.

I don't think
I'm luring Manaaki.

Manaaki's probably looking
at me like this drunk skunk.

Fuck it!

I'm sorry, Manaaki,
but tonight I need to root.

-What are you into?
-Huh?

What are you into, sexually?

So, me?

And I'm not a chaser, I
attract.

I don't even know who I'm
flirting with right now.

He's showing me attention,
and Manaaki's not.

Don't even know his name.
Didn't even ask, don't care.

I've been calling him
Aubrey and Augustus.

I'm not good with names.

I just don't care.

I'm probably not
even that into him.

I've got the drunk goggles on
at the moment,

but I think I just
wanted to bring him back

to kind of make Manaaki
feel jealous.

'Cause I was gonna
bring him back.

I said, if I'm not...

No, but I want to get with you.

Oh, my God.

I'm just going to take
this mystery man back home,

sleep with him, and then I'll

kick him out tomorrow morning.

Go, cunt, go! Fuckin' oath.

Let's go. We're going.

Everyone's
gone crazy tonight.

This has been
one of the best nights.

-Whoo-whoo-whoo.
-I'll sit in the middle.

Did you know I'm actually
really classy?

Where the fuck is my belt!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Whoo!

Kyle, the sneaky cunt -
taking a boy home.

I'm all for it.

Whoo!

Oi! Who's sucking
your dick tonight?

Um, Ethan.

-I'm so sorry, what's your
name? -What's my name?

-Um, Elliot.
-Elliot!

Whoo! I knew it started
with an E!

I'm thinking,
this poor man's got no idea

what's going on at the moment.

He's stuck in a car with
fricking four lunatics.

I think he wants to run.

I'm going to fart again.
Is that going to turn you on?

It turns me on.

Oh, my God,
I can feel your dick.

Oh, it's a water bottle. Sorry.

Whoo!

Nardos, come.

Give it a spank.

Yeah, Kyle! Someone's
getting lucky tonight.

Kyle has brought home

an absolute one.

OK, sweet. Whatever.
I see how it is.

-No. Are you kidding?
-I see how it is.

-I see how it is.
-Um...

-I see how it is.
-Absolutely not.

Oh, so, now
you want to play, Manaaki?

For fuck's sake.

Oh, yeah, we might have sex
later, or we might not.

I don't know what to do.
He's so hard to read.

-Manaaki, what the fuck?
-Get with him.

Get with him.

No.

You can...

No, I'm not going back on
a pinky promise when I make it.

You actually are making me
look so desperate right now.

You can sleep in my bed...

..but I'm unsure
if we're gonna fuck.

But you can sleep in my bed.
100%, we can have cuddles.

100% we can have cuddles.

-I'll pinky promise on that.
-Yes?

Go.

Alright, I'll tell him.

Manaaki's at least a nine.

I'm going to choose the niner.

Come back sober.
When we're all sober.

When you're so...?
Does that even happen on this?

Yes, of course.
I was sober all day.

Alright. Thank you so much.

-Alright.
-Alright. Goodbye.

Sorry!

Oh, my God.

I don't care, I'm sleeping
with Manaaki tonight.

We get home, and
I was toey as fuck.

Like, I'd been horny all night.

Cati and Con have been
all over each other tonight,

but no-one is a couple
in this house,

so I'm going to pay Cati
a little visit.

If I'm going to have a crack
with anyone...

..it's probably going be her.

Oh.

I don't feel good.

Actually,
I'm giving that one a miss.

Me and Tom, I feel like
there's been a bit of tension

and we've been flirting.

Like, we've been
touching each other.

I'm thinking, "Fuck, yeah.

"Finally I'm here, you know,
I'm about to sleep with Lily."

This is what I've been wanting.

And then in comes Catia.

Cati?

And I, like, look over, like,
"What the fuck's going on now?"

Needed to spew, and just
completely kills the vibe.

Catia, do you need
help?

In comes Lexie,
trying to help her.

Like, we're up there.

Go use the toilet downstairs

or go outside.

And she's spewing for,
like, ten minutes.

Lexie's sitting up there,
and I'm like,

"Get the fuck out, or join in."

It was worth a shot.

I finally got Manaaki into bed.

Oh, we're kissing,
we're hugging,

and, look, it's a great time.

I'm just horny,
so I'm going at it.

I'm on the top bunk, and
fucking Kyle's going down on
Manaaki.

I have to listen to
the whole thing.

No way in the world

is this actually
happening to me right now.

Honestly, no fucking way.

At the start of the night,

I thought there was
no fucking way

I wasn't getting laid.

And then I ended up
with me on the top bunk,

listening to two dudes
suck each other off.

That was my fucking night.

So, it's just me and my box
of barbecue Shapes.

That's the only box I'm
sticking my fingers in tonight.

Oh, fuck.

I am hung-over AF.

I've got a bit of
the shakes this morning.

Some call it a hot mess,

but you just need to
wipe off the hangover

and say hello to a new day.

-Wow.

Fuck.

Where do we even fucking start
with last night?

It's when we have
those sugary drinks,

my stomach
can really not take it.

Excuse me.

I'm not typically a
morning person, but today I am.

I wanted to get out
of that bedroom

and get out of that bed
with Kyle.

It's not awkward,
but, like, I just wanna

keep some distance,

so, you know,
he doesn't catch the feels.

I can do one, too.

They were kind of the same.

Me and Tom
like hanging out together.

We're best friends.
I'm hot and he's hot.

We can be hot together.

Ooh, that smells
orgasmic.

Do you wanna
chuck these on the table?

Oh!

That's so nice!

Manaaki made
breakfast this morning.

He must have had
a pep in his step

after getting blowed last
night.

What happened with these boys
last night?

Let me tell you.

-You could hear it, could you?
-I could hear. Oh, 100.

I have to listen to
the whole thing.

Just gotta let
the boys do what the boys do.

Stop it!

Last night,
there was some crazy...

I think it was
this weather, you know,

like the wet weather crazy.

Oi, last night was...
Fuck, it was fun.

But now that I have, like,
a taste for it, I want more.

Literally, I'm like, I could
go out again, like, tonight.

-Yeah.
-Oh, we are, 100%.

Oh, fuck, I hope so.

I feel like I wanna
keep this momentum.

I'm not catching feelings.

Mm-mm-mm.

Fuck, no, I wouldn't
catch feelings

off one fucking blow job.

I'm giving the
housemates a day off work today

because that means
I can get a day off

and go and spend time
with my family.

Crocodile Dundee!

I'm sending them
to the croc park.

And no, Lily,
I said 'crocs', not 'cocks'.

That's what he said.

I'm uncomfortable.

I know jack about crocodiles,

so I'm excited.

I hope we get
a good, good teacher.

Teach me all things crocodiles.

-Let's go.
-Let's go.

In the crocodile world,
with salties,

four-metre crocs
will be 250 to 300 kilos.

And once they hit six metres,
they'll be in excess of a
tonne.

Eden, the ranger,
bro, that guy is the best.

Like, he's got all the facts.

Did you know that crocodiles
aren't even a dinosaur?

Didn't know that,
thought they were.

So, what actually
brings you guys

to Far North Queensland?

Drinking.

We're pretty hung-over as fuck,
not going to lie, so...

Yeah, I picked up on
the low energy levels, guys.

Come on.

Our boss
brought us here today.

I can't string a sentence
together at this point, mate.

Look at Lily. She's...

Was not into
the fucking croc park.

I don't give a fuck about
crocs.

They're boring anyway.

All they did was just sit on
the water. Like, I don't care.

I just wanna be in bed.

Very hard to tell
once they're underwater

where they are.

Fuck!

-Fuck.
-Shit.

Sit down, hero.

-Fuck yes!
-Ooh!

Oh, he got a little nibble.

Eat it.

Oh!

Where is she?

Cooper, jump in,
see if it's there.

Crocs,
just not my forte.

There's no way in the world
I'm getting in that water.

Whoa!

-Found it.
-Oh, my God.

Here you go, mate.

-Well done.
-Well done.

Whoo!

See you, buds.
See you later, buds.

It's a big jump coming
from, you know, the farming
down

in country Victoria to Cairns.

We got snakes,

but I don't think
they compete with crocodiles.

Oh!

No, brother.

Whoa, that bad boy's coming
out.

Oh, holy! Whoa!

Ah!

-I'm so excited.
-You're excited?

That's good, mate. There you
go.

Why am I not surprised
that Lexie loves snakes?

Guys, his tail's gone
for the arse!

It was, like, swiped
me.

Like, credit card in the fanny.

Proper pfft.

Just didn't put
the four digits in.

Ooh!

It's like Tom
jumped into a snake outfit

and tried to get up there.

That's probably the most action
she'll probably get.

Someone just farted.

Lily.

Oh, home sweet home!

Oh, my gosh.

Can you pass the chippies,
please?

It's so nice
to be back in the house.

Today was a lot.

I think we all need
a little chill time.

Oh, my fucking God!

Everyone! Come in! Come in!

No, you're kidding!

You're kidding!

Come on! Get everyone!
Get everyone!

-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-Wait, wait!

Whips. Handcuffs. Fuck.

Listen,
it's still early days,

but these guys haven't managed
to piss me off yet.

So tonight I have organised
some raunchy outfits

and lots of alcohol.

-Cheers, everybody.
-Love you, Charlotte.

We are all going to get
so mortal.

Everyone's naughty,
everyone's nice.

I don't know
what to expect tonight.

Should we start getting
fucking ready, guys?

Everyone look fucking sexy.

Let's get it.

But there's a catch -

I've personally chose
each of their outfits.

And they'd better wear them,
or else.

We could have
a little spanking session.

Hands up! Hands up!

Sir, I will not ask you again!

Sorry, boys.

Tonight, I'm a bad cop.

Spread 'em. Spread 'em.

I'm going to make sure
everyone's drinking enough.

And if anyone's under the
limit,

they're getting handcuffed
and straight to jail.

Or the shag pad.

Maybe something...

Is this one on?

Thanks, man.

You're taking the piss.

What the fuck is this?

What the fuck is this?

I'm getting
zero pussy in this shit, man.

Oi, that's a chick's...
It's a chick's dress.

I'm supposed to be a bad boy,

not fucking this.

Ah!

Suck dick.

I'm nice.

Thanks.

Fucking fuming.

Whoo!

Tonight, I'm a nurse.

So I can tell tonight

that everyone's temperature

and heart rate is racing.

Cooper, do you know
what?

Tap into your femininity,
my brother.

Like, there's no safety
precautions on this one.

Like, I'm fully fledged.

Hey!

Kyle's getting off on it.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Oh, wow.

OK, let's do a striptease.

Or am I just being
a horny bitch?

If Lily wants a striptease,
she's going to get a
striptease.

Ah!

Tom, you have
such a good arse.

Oh, are these going on?

Tom's arse is incredible.

Like, that booty
is bootylicious.

Open up!

Ooh.

What is that?

Oh!

Earlier in the day,
I'm getting in the mood.

I've taped up a furry...

I don't even... A tail.

A tail to the end of my roger.

Used the girls' nipple tape.

Yeah.

That's gonna hurt, babe.

What do you mean,
it's gonna hurt?

-Are you serious?
-Deadset.

Is it hard to get off?

Yes! Like, fuck yes.

Ow, cunt.

Ah!

-You need to put soap on it!
-Ow, cunt. Ow, ow, ow!

I'm just gonna go. Ow.

There's fur and shit
all over it.

Yeah, I told you.

Last night,
Catia was cock-blocking us,

now Tom's cock
is cock-blocking us.

What the fuck?

Ow. Ow.

Ow, cunt.

Oh!

-Look at it. Is it OK?
-It'll be fine.

Shit, if we have to.

I definitely sense
some sexual tension

between Con and Catia.

I think they need to shag
and get it over and done with.

Shit.

That's serious.

I mean, who can blame the girl?

They'd be a little bit cute,

you know,
the little power couple.

Ultimately, having a fun time

and just seeing
where everything goes.

Me and Catia,
we vibe very well together.

But we both know if we have
sex,

things can get messy.

Not the good type of messy,

the feelings type of messy.

And so can you.

My cock is telling me yes...

Can we just stop?
Can we just stop?

-Yeah.
-I can't.

...my brain is telling me
"No, not right now".

Rarr!

We don't even wanna party.

We have one mission,
and one mission only.

We just wanna go fuck.

Oh, yeah!

What the fuck?

Nah. Nah.

It is a really good day
to see who is a bitch...

Ooh.

..and who's not.

I'm in Aussie Shore
to have fun,

I'm not in Aussie Shore
to get married.

I see
Tom pulling Lexie,

and I know she's being
played like a fool,

so I had to step in.

If you're going to make up
shit, then fuck off.

Shit is hitting
the fan, and I'm here for it.

Did he say...?