Original subtitles

[all] Aussie Shore!

The first night has been surreal.

[woman] Fucking hell. We're already drunk.

We've already hooked up.

I haven't seen anyone like this, not even at clubs and stuff.

Just a bunch of fucking horny dogs.

Yooo! [laughs]

I'm really vibing Lily.

Lily is getting a bit of attention from me and Tom,

but I'm confident there's no competition with Tom

or anyone else in the house.

King Con always has a way to get what he wants.

King Con?

More like failed dong.

[man] I feel for Con a little bit,

but also, like, Operation Lily,

it's on.

And cheers for getting fucked up tonight as well.

Game fucking on.

Got the rig out and I'm ready to launch.

I'm a little bit of a sly fox.

I'm the queen 'cause I'm the hottest in Cairns.

Step on my toes, I'll stomp on yours.

I'm just doing shit I wanna do.

I'm a little bit of a shit-stirrer.

My dream job is no job.

Turn up that music and watch me dance.

I do use my tits to an advantage.

I came out my mum's vagina having a party.

Everyone needs a Kyle in their life.

[all] Aussie Shore!

Cheers to a new adventure, cheers to being in Cairns

and cheers to getting fucked up.

[Tom] Is it 10am? Yes.

Are we drinking cocktails? Yes.

But we have to understand that greasy food and hair of the dog

is the only thing that is going to fix our giant hangovers.

Everyone chug it.

I promise you, this is for medicinal purposes only.

[woman] Wow!

Oh, my Lord.

This place is huge!

So excited to be in the Aussie Shore house.

I'm not leaving. This is my home now.

Thank you, everyone.

I'm Jaeda. I'm 22 and I'm a party girl.

I'm very much well known for going out.

If I stay in a weekend, I'll definitely be getting messages

of, am I OK, what's wrong?

The thing I think most people find attractive about my body

is my tits.

I dress to accommodate them. [laughs]

Give a little shove, a little bounce,

and it's got them looking your way

and then that's it, they're yours.

I don't really have a type. I love my short kings.

I love my tall kings, my bald men, my mullets.

As long as we get along, then we're good to go.

I need a drink. Let's go make a drink.

The place is feral. There's stuff everywhere.

I realise I'm probably the last one here.

Right. Holy crap.

Why am I hanging out here, on my own?

Where the fuck is everyone?

Is there a zombie apocalypse no-one told me about?

Alright, where's the women at?

I'm Cooper. I'm 27 years of age.

I'm from the Gold Coast of Australia.

My size intimidates a lot of people, to be honest.

I'm covered in tattoos, but once you get to know me, you're like,

"Fuck, this dude's a goose."

This one's for the ladies here.

"Sex is cool but have you tried to love?"

See that? Little bit of romance in there.

I'm here to shake my arse on the dance floor,

sink back the alcohol, and I'll absolutely be a dickhead.

I don't really give a fuck what anyone thinks. So, yeah.

Daddy's home.

Hello?

I don't know who Daddy is, but he is sexy as fuck.

-You look great. -I'm Jaeda. Thank you.

You look good, too. I like the tattoos.

Hey, there's a gym set up here.

Oh, my God.

This guy has got muscles on muscles.

He can swing me around any time.

-To us. -Let's have some fun.

-Oh, yeah. -Oh, fuck me!

[man] Mate, you'll fucking freeze.

Gonna get a freeze. Everyone fucking happy with lunch?

-Yep. -Easy-peasy.

Let's go. Bring the energy, baby. Let's go for a pre-drink.

Oh, my gosh, get the air on, bro.

♪ My name is Cati Yeah, I like to party ♪

♪ Yeah, where's my Bugatti?

♪ Yeah, I like to get naughty, yeah ♪

Fuck. I'm actually a rapper.

Check it out.

-The next Cardi B. -Cardi C!

Almost had a nipple expose there.

-Oh, it's cold now. -I know.

That's exactly why I'm not getting in

in my undies, to be honest.

Not embarrassing myself.

This is the fucking life, hey? Poolside drinks, a hot chick.

Fuck yes.

Cheers to you and cheers to the house, and drink.

Yeah, fair.

JAEDA: I'm not sure where everyone is,

but I'm fine hanging with this sexy stud.

So take your time, guys.

Whoo! We're home!

Ooh! Here's somebody else.

Oh, my God.

[all shout]

Hotties. Damn.

-Cooper, man. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

Hey, hotties. Nice to meet you.

Holy cow, they are so loud.

Awesome welcome party.

There we are. Welcome home, babies.

-To the house. -Welcome to the house.

CON: Cooper is a fucking fire wall.

He's bigger than me, but that's alright.

It's OK, it's not too bad.

Yeah, I've already unpacked in the shag pad.

I've already claimed that one.

Jaeda is definitely not hotter than us.

She just looks...

..trashy.

Like, she just looked a bit like she'd rolled in from a night out

but, like, not in a nice way.

In, like, a "Did you shower today?"

What do you guys do around here for fun?

Yeah. No, we got wild in the jacuzzi.

We were like drinking urinated water.

I don't know, things were getting really weird.

Oh, no, like, fun weird.

-You drank urinated water? -Urinated water?

It was a bonding activity

that just went that extra step too far.

Guys, I don't think you know what you've walked into.

-We're fucked. -Clearly not!

What's the sleeping situations here?

Boys were in the girls room, the girls are in the boys room.

I fucking love it.

Don't mind the mess, bro.

We're here for a while, so I definitely came prepared.

You got the handcuffs, got a blindfold, got the Fleshlight.

Let me see it.

[sniffs, gags]

A Fleshlight is basically the opposite of a dildo.

Instead of sticking the thing in you,

you stick your thing in it.

Hey, where's that Fleshlight?

Used.

Oh, it's full.

I actually have a name for it. Felicia.

[laughs] Fleshlight Felicia.

Have youse actually seen what it looks like, but?

-Oh! -Whoa!

Oh, my God. Like an alie...

[laughs]

Felicia comes with me everywhere I go.

Oh.

[retches]

Sorry, that...

That smells...really bad.

Fleshlight smells like Fleshlight.

No, Fleshlight smells like old dick

that's been left in a bag,

in the heater, in the sun.

Fucking, I don't even know, honestly,

just fucking, I don't know where it's been,

but it fucking smells like shit, cunt.

Ow! [laughs]

You're going on a night out, what are we going for?

Bronze?

Anything that moves, from what I've picked up, yeah.

-Whoo! -[laughter]

[farts]

[laughter]

I'm letting it all hang out in the bedroom.

I feel at home already.

Who's off limits? So, we'll give you the goss.

Oh, yes, we have so much...

OK, so last night, me and Con, we fucked in the shag pad.

-Well, he couldn't get hard. -He couldn't get it up.

Honestly, I kind of wish I fucked Tom instead.

[laughter]

Everyone's a free-for-all.

-We already made a pact. -OK, good.

What's the pact? Tell me the pact.

The pact is, no matter what, like,

we are family and we'll always come back together.

Yeah, none of us get dick-matised, OK?

Girl swears.

What happened last night?

-Con... -Oh, yeah.

..and Lily...

..and Con couldn't get it up!

Oh, really?

Mate, we've all... we've definitely all been there.

[laughter]

Fuck, yeah!

Fuck.

And then Tom tried to get with

Lily, but, like, I think she wants to fuck him.

Holy fuck! What's going on here?

The tea has been spilt,

and, man, these guys do not waste any time, do they?

Cooper and Jaeda, they're settling in nicely.

I don't think we've scared them too much yet.

There's plenty of time for that.

Lift, expand...

[laughter]

Gabby, though, she's actually really quiet.

I feel like she's got some dirty secrets behind her

and she's not willing to show it yet.

I really am really feeling for Gabby right now.

I feel like she feels a little bit uncomfortable.

I'm not sure if, like, we're a bit overwhelming

or a bit too much.

Yeah, I just, like, want to make sure she's alright,

so I'm trying to figure it out.

I don't want it to feel, like, alone.

I probably don't feel like I fit in here.

I'm doing some shots off those titties later.

[laughter]

Fuck, alright, I'll fuck you, then.

[laughter]

The girls are all good to talk to.

I feel like I've connected with Nardos,

and, like, I know the other girls have my back.

♪ Tits out for the boys, tits out for the boys ♪

I don't feel badly towards anyone, at all,

but I definitely feel like the outsider.

I've masturbated to myself in the mirror.

Apparently, that's a psychopathic thing.

No, I do it.

[laughter]

Yeah.

Wa-hey!

[laughter]

Who's, like, caught your eye?

-Yeah, who's caught your eye? -Cooper,

who I came in with, and that other guy,

the one with the hickey on his neck.

Yeah, look, the hickey is still there.

I heard a bit of a trick that you get a whisk

and try to turn it, so I haven't tried it yet.

-Jaeda. -Oh, sit down.

-It's going to hurt. -It's not going to work.

Nothing hurts me, I'm a big boy.

I don't know if it will work now.

-Might make it worse. -What is it?

What is that?

I'm not quite sure of the science behind this

because I'm not really a scientist!

-Eurgh! -No!

Argh!

Fuck! That killed me.

Dr Jaeda gets a zero-star review from me.

You have to do it for five minutes.

Five minutes?! Oh, no!

Con may have a hickey from Lily,

but I've got no issues getting with Lily after Con.

I wasn't feeling it, at all.

Yeah, you're just not.

I don't think I want to go again.

-Yeah. -I don't want anything serious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tom's like, "Fuck, I'll pick up the torch."

[laughter]

Fine. I'll be the one that actually does it.

[laughter]

Step aside, boys, Lily is going to be mine.

How do you, like - real talk for a second -

how do you guys feel like you'll be, like,

not talking to your families for so long?

I love my nonna to bits, and, like,

you know, she's like my best friend.

She's my icon. She's my everything. She's my world.

But, like, when I'm home, I have so much responsibility.

So this kind of feels like a va-cay, as well.

My whole family's in Melbourne,

but I do try and keep up with them.

-Are you from Melbourne, too? -Yeah.

Really grateful for them, because I'm adopted.

So, my mum passed away when I was, like, 12,

and then my dad passed away at birth.

As soon as I...it's OK, I'm OK,

but, you know...

I'm just gonna give you a cuddle anyway.

-Aww! Thank you! -Mwah!

If you ever need an outlet about that, absolutely.

-Yeah. It's just, it's like... -It's hard.

Yeah, and it's, like, as sad as it is,

like, I was so young when they passed away, so I never got

those deep, core connections with, like, them,

which is, like, a blessing kind of in disguise.

Like, if I lost my mum now, it would destroy me.

Everything happens for a reason, you know?

It really does.

I lost my mum when I was 18,

-turning 19. -Oh, I'm sorry, babe.

-Yeah, it was... -It's your time for a hug!

[laughter]

It was the cards of life that we've been dealt with,

and that's the way that, like, keeps me kind of going.

I like that.

Even though we might be wild

and doing what we're doing, orgies, sex,

falling over, whatever's going on,

there is so much more behind someone's face,

attitude, behaviour.

Jaeda and I connecting over that loss

strengthened our friendship and our bond, for sure.

You know, at the end of the day, we're fucking strong.

-We're fucking strong. -Exactly.

-Look at us go. -I know.

And look at us now here!

Yeah, and now look where we are, on fuckin' Aussie Shore!

♪♪♪

Oh, baby.

I need to get laid tonight.

After last night's performance,

Tom's definitely caught my eye.

I told you. It's happening.

It's like, "I told you. It's happening!"

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ohh!

[laughter]

Some ships are wooden and those ships will sink.

The best ships are friendships - to those ships we DRINK!

Whoo!

Let's get fucked! Let's get fucking rowdy!

That was actually... that was really good.

-That was really good. -How do you know that?

I'm just that fucking good!

[laughter]

♪ OK, OK, yeah

♪ It's not enough, it's not enough ♪

♪ Saying you ain't even had enough ♪

♪ Yeah, it's not enough, not enough ♪

♪ It's not enough, not enough

Hello!

-Hi! -Oh, my God! Hello!

Who the fuck is that?

I'm Lexie. I'm 23 years old.

Very much a bogan,

and I'm small and sassy, a bit feisty.

I would definitely say I have a potty mouth.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fucking!

Fuck off.

[farts]

My gasses, like, my burping and shit,

everyone seems to be a little bit taken aback by,

because they're like,

"How the fuck does that come out of someone your size?"

I would say I'm pansexual, just because it's like,

I don't give a fuck what's in your pants.

Going into the Aussie Shore house, I'm fucking pumped!

I'm so excited.

I'll take it, I'll take it, I'll take it.

You say hi to everyone.

Hi, Lexie.

What's going on? Did someone order a babe?

Welcome to the wild house!

Who in the hell is this hottie?

Lexie, I'm Jaeda.

This girl, she is gorgeous.

She's tiny, but she's definitely a pocket rocket.

Hi! Oh, my God!

Oh!

So, Lexie walks in the door,

and she's an absolute smoke show.

Oi, can I stalk... Is there, like, is there food?

She is blonde and petite and beautiful.

You've got a bit of a bogan about you.

[laughter]

I told ya, I'm a bogan.

I can't hide it.

Let us get to know you. So, how old are you?

I'll get you a cup.

Bro, your fucking hair's crazy.

It's fake.

-[laughter] -It's not real, babe.

-Don't be fooled! -Just take the compliment, eh?!

Lexie is drop-dead gorgeous, and the peacocks are out.

What's your go-to drink?

Tequila!

-Tequila? -I second that!

I second that.

But Tom's peacock is bigger and harder

than everyone else's.

I play golf. I'm, like, a golf teacher as a...that's what I do.

I'm a golf teacher.

Now that Lexie's here, I'm like,

"Lily who?"

I would delete every girl off my Instagram for you.

Lexie is just a little firecracker

and I think if Lexie starts to flirt with another boy in here,

Lily is going to get so territorial.

Whoo!

Sexy as fuck.

This is not her house!

Lexie came into the house.

She came in like she was fucking top fucking cunt.

That's not happening.

I would ruin her. We were here first.

Relax, Lily. [laughs]

♪ Get dirty

-Whoo! -♪ Get dirty

♪ I want a dirty thing

♪ I want to get drunk, I want to get down ♪

♪ I want to get dirty with you now ♪

♪ Get down, get down I wanna get rough ♪

I'm having the best time ever.

I can see where tonight's going. I can see it.

Wait, when did you come here?

Yesterday.

But you'd think we've known each other for a lot longer, eh?

Let's get it! Hey!

First night in Cairns with the Aussie Shore team.

I am so excited to take everyone out.

We're gonna get fucked up.

Cairns is the best place ever.

It's hot, it's steamy, 24/7,

everyone's partying, everyone's drinking.

Let's fucking go.

What do we think about Lexie?

I love her. She's great vibe.

She's a hot, hot piece of ass.

Yeah, she is hot.

Lexie is banging. That little fiery girl.

Mmm! She's a snag. She's so cute!

Lexie's sexy!

Unhinged, wild,

naughty, you name it.

All the bad words in the vocabulary

will be out on the dance floor tonight.

The Aussie Shore fam definitely know how to party.

We're partying till the cows come home.

[Kyle] There is that many people around,

I can't even see who's who.

The atmosphere is great. The people are great.

We're all getting in the mood. We're all getting rowdy.

We're going to be twerking up on each other.

[Con] The vibes are pumping.

The drinks are flowing.

Everyone's having fun.

Things couldn't get any better than this.

But Gabby's decided to stay home tonight,

which saddens me,

because without Gabby, we're not a family.

I'm not going out tonight

because I am leaving everyone.

I'm always the outsider,

or the one that doesn't make as many friends

or hangs out with everyone.

I don't really care because I like hanging out by myself.

They can go do their little... they can do their thing.

I'm just gonna...fuck off. [laughs]

Whoo!

Go, Nardos, you naughty little minx!

I love my new family!

This is where I belong.

We love the pres, we love the club,

but the best part of the night is always the afters.

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Whoo!

Whoo! Say goodbye!

-See ya! -Bye!

Enjoy my smelly toes!

I loved Gilligan's!

-Yeah, 100%. -Gilligan's was fucking fun.

And now I'm ready to go home and get fucked up.

Whoo-hoo!

Time for some family time back at the house,

and by family time, I mean drinking and fucking.

OK, everybody,

come here, around the kitchen!

What is happening?

Come around the kitchen.

What?

"Dear Everybody,

"it was heckers to meet you all..."

She's leaving.

"..so I thought it would be better

"if I just got the fuck out of here.

"Ha-ha!"

Oh, my gosh.

What the fuck? Gabby's gone.

"Love you all.

"See youse later."

I'm sad. I'm really sad that Gabby's left.

I hate those types of goodbyes. I love closure.

We're meant to be there for each other,

and now I feel like we've let Gabby down.

I just want to make it very fucking clear to everyone

that's here right now, if any of youse have a fucking issue

with anyone, youse don't feel comfortable, come to me,

come to any of us here.

We're all here for each other. Speak up because you're not...

I understand, I 100% understand why she left,

but we're like a fucking family,

and if youse uncomfortable,

if I've done something to upset you, or if anyone else has,

come talk to us, because I'm sure we'll do anything

to rectify what we've done.

Oh, my God.

Gabby will be missed, at least by me, a lot.

To Gabby, wherever you are, I hope you're OK.

-I hope you see better days. -Cheers to your pizza!

-Oi, Con, listen to this. -[farts]

Oh!

Oh, my God.

[laughter]

Trying to lift everyone's spirits here!

[laughs]

I'm actually making cheese toasties.

Do you want one or not?

Mmm, maybe I'll have a bite.

Mount me.

Ready?

-Oh, this is easy! -[laughs]

Unfortunately, Gabby's left the house, and it's sad,

but we have newbies in the house and they're fucking amazing.

Oi!

-Oh! -Nice!

Whoo-hoo!

[laughter]

Were you a gymnast or something?

What a day! Everyone has made us newbies feel so welcome.

We're loving it.

I am a big softie.

I really am!

Today couldn't have gone any better,

except for the bunk beds.

I am not vibing the bunk beds.

How am I meant to get laid in this thing?

-[squeaking] -[laughter]

If this bed breaks, I actually think I'll die.

If the bunk bed's rocking, don't come a-knocking!

-What a night. -Oh, my God.

I'm really feeling for Gabby right now.

I think everyone's a bit flat,

and I'm not really in the mood for a root.

Goodnight. Love you guys.

I'll just try tomorrow night.

Stevenson. My middle... Oi! Eh!

[laughter]

♪♪♪

I'm back, bitches!

You might know me as Charlotte Crosby from Geordie Shore.

I'm on my way to Geordie Shore.

This time,

I'm the boss, so you better start taking me seriously.

21st-century girl.

I went on to Geordie Shore when I was 19,

and it honestly

was the best experience of my life.

So people will think I'm a sweaty minger.

I wore my heart on my sleeve, and that is the key.

I'm going to tell Gary one time that I do like him

and I will tell him how I feel.

Just be you.

Don't try and be nobody else.

I snogged Gary last night.

My life has changed.

I'm not as wild as I used to be,

so I suppose this boss role is perfect.

You do not want to cross me

because I have a psychopath side.

Oh, my God. It's a mess!

Wake up!

What the fuck?

Come on, everyone! It's time to wake up!

-Oh! -Whoo!

Fuck!

We got woken up with Charlotte this morning!

Sit down. Come on, everyone up!

No way!

Wa-hey! [screams]

Are you kidding?!

This is the boys' room, as you can obviously fucking tell.

Oh, God, it's a mess!

Jesus Christ!

I'm gonna have to make some house rules, aren't I?

-You're gonna get rats! -Nah!

The first rule, we've got to keep that house nice and tidy.

Dental dams. Did you use them? Yes or no?

What is it? A dental what?!

What the fuck? I don't understand.

Is it a condom for a woman?

A condom for a woman?

What in the Down Under fuckery is this?!

So, I've never heard of this. So, you've just got to, like...

-And it goes, like... -Right there?

What, and the penis just goes...

Oh, no, this is for oral.

For oral!

-No, you're lying! -For oral sex!

It's for oral sex?!

For oral sex!

Dental dams weren't a thing back in our day.

It was just the good old "spit and stick it in" method.

So, you need to pop this on,

even the arsehole maybe? Or the more...

What the fuck you looking at me for?!

I think that would be a good idea for the arsehole, though.

I think this would be better for the arsehole.

Do you know, I might take one of these,

just for the arsehole occasion!

The second rule,

there cannot be any arguments lasting more than two days.

We're not good in the morning, especially when we're hung-over.

Yeah, I know, I've seen a lot of you hung-over.

Oh, so much.

I bet you've probably see me vagina, as well!

-I have! -[laughs]

Well, it was quite hairy in that episode,

so I hope you didn't.

And the third rule is

everyone

has to shave their pubes.

Really, with this heat, and it being that sweaty down there,

I just feel like it's going to be stinkin'.

What time do youse call this?

I guess there's some sore heads?

-[all] Yeah. -I can imagine.

You must know, at any Shore house,

it's not all about partying and shagging.

You have to go to work.

-Oh... -Oh, my God.

I have got to really drum it into the Aussie Shore guys'

heads that work is important.

They are not just here for a free ride,

like, they're living a life of luxury.

They're in the most amazing pad,

they've got all expenses paid,

those vodka sodas down at Gilligan's,

they're not free.

That money doesn't come from anywhere.

They have got to work to make that money.

Listen, to be honest,

I didn't like work when I was in Geordie Shore.

It was crap. I hated it. I did anything to get out of it.

This is going to be so fun.

I am such a hypocrite,

but I'm going to pretend to them like they've got to love it.

And you have to earn your keep really,

or else you're out of the door.

Working for my party rights just shouldn't be a thing.

I think I should just be allowed to party for free.

I don't work.

I've never, like, had a proper job.

So, for me, this is really painful,

and doing it with a pounding headache

is not going to go well for me.

Oh, my God, it's coming up.

So, I know you guys like getting wet...

-That is true. -Yeah.

-Yeah? Really wet? -Yeah!

-Really wet. -Really dirty?!

Really dirty!

Can you guess what it might be?

- Car wash. - Yeah!

Whoo!

I am washing cars for Charlotte from Geordie Shore?

Are you kidding?! And she's my boss?!

[screams]

Go, me!

At work today, we've got Nardos,

Manaaki, Catia, Cooper and myself.

Whoo!

Right!

Youse are all far too excited!

Yes!

I thought youse were hung-over?!

-We're ready to work for you! -Quick coffee!

-For you! -Yeah!

Sweet. So, you're here to clean our cars.

Yeah!

Customers have paid good money,

so we need to make sure they're spotless and perfect.

Right. OK, then, guys, you want to get started?

-Let's do it. -Let's go.

-Whoo! -Let's go!

Let's get the sponges going!

Whoo!

If my nipple comes out, they'll tell me, yeah?

It's time to get soapy and sexy, baby!

I don't think any of these guys have worked a day

in their lives, if I'm honest.

-We've only done one side. -Yep. One side. Other side.

Other side.

I have soap in my eye already!

[screams]

I think they're more wet right now than the cars.

-Up and down! Up, down! -[laughter]

I've never seen so many sexual positions on top of a car

in my life.

Sexy car wash!

Nardos is the most hung-over girl I've ever seen.

Oh, my God!

Struggling to hold up that sign!

I don't think we're getting much business right now.

I am so disappointed.

We're cleaning the car, not breaking it!

These guys are also representing me when they're at work,

and they're giving me a bad name!

Come get your car washed!

Toot, toot!

Hey!

Jaeda, um,

she's an absolute sweetheart.

She's just sort of got, like, a little bubbly personality,

super out-there.

-Right, ready? -Yeah.

She reminds me of a Lil' Bratz doll.

-Oh! -[laughter]

Cooper is,

he's like a big, buff man, full of tattoos, which I like,

but he's like a teddy bear on the inside.

Do you want to swap so you don't have to do it all?

-'Cause I feel... -Yeah.

-Yeah, I feel bad! -Yeah, slacker!

When you first see me, I've had it a lot

that I'm very intimidating and girls don't want to approach me.

So, yeah, when girls finally, like, introduce themselves

and stuff, and they, like, talk to me for five minutes,

they're like, "Oh, fuck."

OK, ready?

I used to get, like,

bad social anxiety, I guess,

and I just got to the point where I was, like,

"Fuck this," like, I don't owe anyone anything,

I don't know anyone.

-Whoo! -Come on in, baby!

Come on in!

So you might as well, like, act a fool, be yourself,

and just not really give a fuck what anyone else thinks.

-Come on! -Whoo!

In we come!

-Come on! -Here we go, here we go!

Welcome!

-[horn honks] -Hey!

[Catia] I'm loving this. We're getting customers.

I am loving the newbies.

I want to make sure that everyone is feeling home,

loved, seen, appreciated.

Yeah, you guys are doing excellent.

The best in the biz.

I want to bring that family vibe and that family atmosphere.

So at the end of the day, we're the Aussie Shore family.

Family is everything to me. It's no secret that I'm adopted.

Family is definitely not blood.

Family is 100% what you make it...

Yeah!

..and, you know, now I've got this one.

-Bye! -Have a good day!

So, we're supposed to be cleaning the house,

and I'm the only one doing all the work.

They're all lazy as fuck.

-Mate, oi... -I've got a headache!

Yeah. I'm going to give you an easy job.

Start making this place look pretty.

-Like, just fix up the pillows, neaten up...

Yeah, I'm doing that!

Don't ditch the boss.

You're not in charge! You're not in charge!

Oh!

They're both pissing me off.

What?!

Your arse is so peachy!

I know! It's fucked, isn't it?

That's, like, the perfect bum.

[hisses] Stay away. Mark my fucking territory.

That's my man.

♪ Underneath the sunset

♪ I'm swept off of my feet

♪ Hold my hand and we can be free ♪

Cheers to fucking being single!

-Yeah. -Bam!

All the boys are after Lexie.

But the question is, who's going to end up necking

on with her first?

-Lexie? -Paper, scissors, rock.

-Maybe. -Go.

What are we, fucking 12 years old?

Fuck rock, paper, scissors.

Yeah. Maybe I'll have a chat to her tonight.

We all like a bit of competition when it comes to girls.

But I'm not losing. I don't lose.

OK. So, game plan.

-We need a... -Game plan.

We need a strategy.

OK. Who you like in the house.

So, are you going to go and shoot your shot there?

He is sexy as fuck. Well, we'll just see.

Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay!

Oh, my God, your arse in this fucking jumpsuit,

are you kidding...

[laughter]

Yeah, Cooper!

Lick it!

[all cheer]

Everyone's there to party

and everyone knows how to get down and dirty.

There's going to be that many people

hooking up with people tonight.

I'm excited, yet again.

We're in the VIP booth tonight, baby! Let's go!

We played spin the straw.

It's like spin the bottle,

but more shit.

Oh, that's easy, babes.

Whoo!

And for some reason,

the straw kept landing on me.

Again? Nah!

Oh!

But I'm not mad about it. It was good.

I love a pash!

Con and Lexie, Con and Lexie!

Thank you, O magical spinning straw.

-Oh, my God! -Hang on!

Go!

Hot!

This was kind of the moment where we really had gotten

past any awkward barriers of getting to know each other.

[all] Whoo!

Everyone's starting to feel comfortable.

-Karma! -It is the karma!

And I thought, while the vibe's so high,

I'm going to make the most of this.

Lexie is very hot property.

Tom is a king at this. He knows what he's doing.

No, like, this is not happening.

I should be the one kissing Tom.

[laughs]

Lily needs to chill out. Like, please just relax.

Ah!

I don't even know where this guy came from, but I think...

..I think his name was Tyrone.

I'm not really good at remembering people's names,

because I usually flick them off the next morning.

But I love a party pash. I can't say no to a mo.

Whoo!

Yay!

Fuck it!

We're back at the house

and we are not ready to stop partying.

Cheers to sex and cheers to big tits.

[all] Yes!

We've got the water going!

I'm already getting the sense that everyone's feeling sexual.

We're all feeling so comfortable with each other.

Who's biting my arse?

Where's your pants?

Um, couldn't find them.

Kinda showy, but it's safer.

Everyone's, like, fucking half-naked. It's the best.

I'm like, oh-ho! Sexy people everywhere!

I just love it!

Are you nude too?

I love the nudity!

Hashtag nudity!

Hashtag let it flop.

Hashtag...

It's actually trying to rise to the top!

..let it jiggle.

I am living the dream.

I got Sexy Lexie twerking in front of me

and also Lily is knocking at the front door.

I feel like a kid in a candy shop right now.

-Get in, big boy! -[laughter]

I guess you could say I'm a little bit OCD.

I like to be clean, so there's no way I'm getting in that spa.

God knows what bodily fluids are running around in there.

Come here.

Oh.

Me and Catia were definitely vibing each other tonight.

She just blows my mind, that girl.

What is happening right now?

I don't know what it is about Catia, but those lips,

she knows exactly what she's doing.

Girl can kiss.

I told you, I'm eating.

Yeah, cunt.

So, like we were talking about, like, Tyrone.

Who's Tyrone?

The one that I...the one that, like, brawled off.

Oh, my God. Yes.

And that's when I was like, "Oh!"

And that's when the juices started flowing.

I don't know whether or not I should entertain Manaaki,

or whether or not I should just leave it until he makes a move.

Let's just have some fun, Manaaki.

-Honestly, fuck it. -[laughter]

Nah, stop, I'm starting to get a boner.

No, I'm not even joking, look.

It's starting to rise.

[laughter]

He has risen.

[laughter]

Boner is back, baby!

Fuck yeah!

Mmm!

Oh, my God!

The perfect length, the perfect girth.

Yes, please!

Wa-hey!

[laughter]

I don't remember it being that big.

Apparently, that's what a kiss can do.

A kiss? Ooh!

Whoa!

Oi, the shag pad's free. The shag pad's free.

That's crazy. Alright, give me a hug goodnight.

-That's crazy, 'cause, like... -[laughter]

That's crazy! That's crazy.

Con and Cartia, they are disgustingly cute.

-That's crazy. -OK.

Con's, like, the type to bring,

like, the best out of me.

I'm cuddling.

I have to stick to my guns

in a way of getting to know the guys,

and then pursuing a sexual connection,

'cause if I get right to it,

I could fuck it up in the long run.

Goodnight, sons.

Con's going to bed, alone.

Without Cati. No party with Cati.

Oh, my God!

What the fuck?

What's happening, darlin'? How are we?

Ring-a-ding-ding, it's the king.

We're all here to have fun.

That's what Aussie Shore's all about,

so I'm gonna have fun.

I think it's gonna get messy.

We love you, Charlotte!

Right, so, listen, I'm going to give you your job.

I wouldn't want to do it.

Well, then why give it to us?

I would not be caught dead doing any of these jobs.

No.

What the fuck is this sort of work?

-Ooh! -Everything's itchy.

My vagina's itchy.

I'm itchy as fuck!

Boat party day!

[all cheer]

-Whoa! -Oh, my God!

We're sailing straight into a fucking storm.

It's fucking chaos.

[screaming]

Oh, my God!

Are you just being a fuck boy, or, like, what are you doing?

I think they need to shag and get it over and done with.

He's just such a sly cunt.

I-I love love.

Did he say...

Once again, drama has erupted.

Shit is hitting the fan

and I'm here for it.

[screams]

[laughter]

I'm not having this today.

You're a sook and that's it.

I'm so fucking angry.

I hope you liked the family, bro,

'cause you're not in the family anymore.

-Oh, my gosh. -Oh, Con.

I really don't want to lose my friendship with you.

♪♪♪

Who does not love two girls jelly wrestling?

Fuck me sideways.

This is what family is supposed to be.

[all] Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi, oi, oi!

♪ Happy people, dance with me

♪ Happy people, dance with me

♪ Happy people, dance with me