All language subtitles for 1 Poolman (Comedy, Mystery & Thriller)

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Dear Erin,

Happy New Year!

Isn't it fantastic to be alive?

Today I'm back at city council,

fighting to make
Los Angeles a better

and more beautiful
place to live.

Jack and I are still
making our documentary.

I want to inspire people
just like you inspire me.

To top it all off,

I have the world's
best girlfriend.

Susan and I gel because we
listen to each other, Erin.

It's as simple as that.

Love's alive in Los Angeles.

How are you? Yours, XX, DB.

- My arm.
- Oh.

Thanks.

Stop stealing the blanket.

I'm not. Just...

Stop stealing it.

Whoa. Yeah. Cozy.

Yeah.

- Darren...
- Susan...

- No, I...
- Sorry.

No, you go first.

I was just gonna say...

I really think Vitors has lost
something since Samir died.

Not the chicken, obviously,
it's the rice, Susan.

Oh God. Samir.

Quite frankly, it's over salted.

- Can we talk about something?
- Yes.

Apologies for bringing
yesterday New Years Day

and I failed and I own that.
- Darren.

But, salty rice is no reason,

those corporate schlocks
behind Salad For Days

should get the Vitors' property.

They've been there
30 years, Susan!

The Vitors escaped
a genocide for this.

This? A second genocide?

It's hateful.

Fucking burns me.

Still or sparkling?

Still, please.

While supplies last.

This fucking drought.

My heart hurts. Ah.

Well, let's get you hydrated.

Samir.

Preacher, choir,
Susan. I get it.

His death was a blow to one of
the best chicken restaurants

in Los Angeles.

He was never the best lover

but he was always
a great friend.

I did not know that.

Really? He and I were...

Uh, no. Not friendly
with you in that way, no.

I thought for a second
we, we might get married.

This is Samir, right?

Like, chicken Samir?
Dead chicken Samir?

We talked about moving
to Palm Springs.

I'd get my own pilates studio.

He'd buy a food cart.

Desert council did widen the
permit market down there.

Could be a great
thing for the city.

- Maybe we should visit him.
- Samir?

His grave.

We could bring lunch.
Make a day of it.

Uh, I don't know if...

- Yeah, nah. You're right.
- Can you, like,

I mean, even eat at a cemetery?
- Yeah, yeah.

Nah. Yeah. You're right.

It's just that he
really loved you.

I... I liked him, too.

- Darr?
- Yeah, Sus?

Should we get married?

Uh...

Yeah. I mean, we
could. Definitely.

Oh.

We have tickets to
Descanso Gardens.

But the camellias
had to be replanted

and the mondo grass died.

It's this drought.
It's just so tragic.

Tragic.

Oh.

10:30 a.m. call time
with Jack and Diane.

Hair and makeup.

My documentary.

Pivotal scene.

C'est la vie.

Oui, cherie.

We'll always have Paris.

Sorry about Samir, Susan.

It's okay, Darr.

Is this Italian?

- What Italian?
- The song.

Oh, yeah.

It really lifts the spirit.

Yeah.

Teddy Hollandaise.

That's all the equipment.

You gotta be gentle with it.

You stick it right
in the back there.

Put that one on the
bottom, 'cause it fits.

Leave that one.
Put that one back.

So, anyway, listen. Let
me go back to my story.

Two steaks, a couple
of lobster tails.

Oh, it's New Year's
Eve for Christ's sake.

What am I gonna do,
have rotisserie chicken?

Just so we're clear, I
love rotisserie chicken.

Yes you do love
rotisserie chicken,

but I was down to get
the surf and turf,

but I went to a
Japanese restaurant

because that's what Diane...
- Oh, here we go.

She loves the jalapeños
with the sashimi.

- I do.
- You know, the appetizer, right?

So, first of all,
I've gotta park.

You ever park on
Colorado Avenue?

Colorado Avenue is an
absolute nightmare.

Have, have you, have
you seen Susan, honey?

Of course I have.
She's my girlfriend

We're going to Descanso Gardens.

It, it... Colorado
is an unadulterated

- You have schmutz.
- Catastrophe.

You wanna park? You
go to Wisconsin.

They got the long-term meters.

So I'm at the restaurant.

What's... what's it called?

- What's what called?
- The restaurant.

Omakasa Tomaya.

Omakasa Tomaya is where we are.

I'm telling ya Darr,

don't get old
because it's a drag.

Uh, the guy gives me the
bag, so I look in the bag

and there's the jalapeños
and the appetizer very nice,

just the way she likes it.

- You're a little shiny.
- But other than the appetizer the food is frozen solid.

It's uncooked.
- Um, it's a Japanese restaurant.

Uncooked is kind of their thing.

No. Uncooked meat.

Di... Diane, uncooked raw
meat is nobody's thing.

Plus, I got these two giant
lobsters staring me in the face.

- Lobster tails, Jackie.
- Tails. Right.

- Yeah.
- So I say to the guy,

"What's up with this?" He
says, "Well at the moment,

we're acting as a...
as a wholesaler.

We're giving you the food in
bits and pieces. So they...

Yeah, they're trying
something new.

You can't blame them
for being innovative.

Innovative? Innovative
is a ball point pen.

This is six o'clock traffic on
the west side of Los Angeles.

I don't know how to sashimi.

- Okay.
- I gotta do it myself?

Plus, I couldn't understand
a word he was saying.

- That's not... no.
- What? He's Japanese.

- Do not go there, Jackie.
- What are you gonna put there?

No. You're going...

Diane, did you pack the
peanut butter and jelly?

- It's on the table, sweetheart.
- He had a lisp.

- He did not have a lisp.
- These PB and J?

- Yeah.
- Diane, he had a big lisp.

Okay. Let's go.
We're gonna be late.

Oh my God.
- Plus a battery went out in my hearing aids.

I could only hear him on
the left side of my face.

Oh. He says it
was the battery,

but really, he gets just...
he gets shy, you know.

But truth be told,
we had a great meal.

- We did.
- Yes, we did.

Babe, what was that meat called?

- Wagyu beef.
- Wagyu beef.

Darr, they, they
massage this beef.

There's so much fat
on it it's scary.

Somebody adjusted my mirrors.

- I, I moved the car before.
- Just stop doing that

- every time you get in my car.
- Alright?

I moved the car a little bit.

Hold on, Diane! Careful!

- I am being careful.
- Go, go, go, go easy.

- That's my outbox!
- There are two men

telling me how to drive.
- You almost hit my outbox!

You would think I
never drive by myself.

That's a great shot.

- Hey, Reggie.
- Hey, Darren. How you doing, man?

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year to
you too, buddy.

- How's your family?
- They're good.

- Did you talk to Dr. Rosenbach?
- Yeah, thanks for that, man.

He's a nice guy.

Yeah, he is.

Thanks.

You want your thing?

- I got it. I got it.
- Mr. Barrenman?

- Just be careful.
- I am being careful.

- Hold on one second.
- Mr. Barrenman.

- Mr. Toronkowski.
- You're early.

Well of course I am,

I take this city
seriously. Do you?

We're off to a
great start I see.

So, what is it today?

The trolley line on Broadway?

Uh, you'd like to
bring back Broadway.

I would like a
functioning low-cost

public trolley
system... but, que sera.

- Take a seat.
- You're a bit shiny.

- The cards were in my pocket.
- Mr. Barrenman! Take a seat.

- I am sitting.
- Not on the floor.

- You sit!
- I am sitting.

Whatever.

Just a little shiny here.

- You gonna wear those?
- I don't know yet.

- 'Cause I don't know.
- I haven't made a decision.

- You have a little bit of a shine.
- I'm really hot.

Well, you know, it
is warm in here.

Here you go, DB.

- You're late.
- Sorry, DB.

Where is this from, Wayne?

- It's from...
- I know where it's from. We've covered this.

These people, they
bulldoze a green craftsmen

to make way for their
signature brand store.

- Right. Sorry, DB - Apologize
to the hand-carved wainscoting.

It's okay. It's okay.

- Hello, Diane.
- Hi, Wayne.

- Stop flirting with Diane.
- Hi.

It's makes her uncomfortable.

- You look great.
- Thank you.

I like your ensemble.
What does your shirt say?

"Looking for fun." That's
a good way to live.

DB. Hey, DB. I
gotta talk to you.

I can't right now.
I'm duty-bound.

I'm memorizing my lines.

They moved to the
toilets, DB, the FBI.

Under the direction
of the Annu-Nagi.

The lizards?

- Mm-hm.
- The meeting will come to order.

A-plus work, Wayne. I'm
really proud of you.

- Thank you.
- We're gonna have to circle back.

It's go time. Are
you ready for this?

- You got this!
- Energy, Wayne!

- Let's do it!
- Energy! Energy! Energy!

Energy! Energy! Let's go!
- C'mon!

Hurry up.
- That's right,

you're gonna be
great. Don't worry.

You got this, buddy.

Mr. Barrenman, welcome back.

Happy New Year.

I see your entourage is in tow.

Shana Tova U'metuka, sir.

Rosh Hashanah was in September,

but I appreciate the thought.

Mazel Tov. Now
according to my records,

this is my 577th
consecutive visit

to your illustrious chambers,
surpassing one Anvil Cretin.

Wayne. Anvil Cretin.

Uh, Anvil was a
grocer, a rabbi...

Just pop it down Wayne.
Point to the menorah.

Rabbi like yourself.

Buried in Boyle Heights Jewish
reform cemetery plot 1887.

Incidentally, this
is very interesting.

1887, the same year
John and Fred Woodbury

saw the rural suburb
north of busy Pasadena

and hoping to add to the wealthy
class already gathering there,

established... Alta Dena.

- Great stuff.
- Uh, history, as they say,

just the quote,

"Prelude to the alchemy
of the future," end quote.

No one has ever said that.

Actually, Steve,
Christopher Marlowe

was known for saying...
- I don't care.

- Okay.
- Mr. President,

distinguished members
of the council,

esteemed members of the gallery,

I have just finished a
study of how we can make

the bus schedule great,

if not damn near perfect!

Wayne, hand those out.

- Mr. Barrenman.
- One to each, Wayne.

- Uh. Mr Barrenman.
- I've taken bus 47...

I've taken... I've... Way...

Wayne, no.

I've taken bus 474 a
myriad of times, sir.

Have you?
- Mr. Barrenman.

MTA drivers William,
Sandra, Carlos.

They are killing it!

You've finished your allotted
time, please sit down.

Sandra, by the way, just
gave birth to twin boys!

I bet you didn't know that.

- Reggie.
- And her PO box is up there

in case you wanted
to send her flowers

and water that dead
heart of yours,

but of course there is no water,
because there's a drought.

But, anyway I've...
- Mr. Barrenman!

personally
animating an homage,

Wayne, an homage to
the late William Hanna,

whose hallowed studios,
by the way, you bulldozed

to make way for
Concrete Bunker Bob's.

Route 54, with my proposed
alterations backed by

um, uh, leading economists
and a bunch of other people.

Mr. Barrenman, I think
you should sit down now.

While you're are project - And I
would like a red trolley on a platter!

- Was cute in a very bizarre,
- Have you ever even seen

- unhinged sort of way, -
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

- now it is time for the adults to run the entire city!
- Oh yeah. Blah. Blah

- By burning it into the ground?
- Reggie,

would you please escort
Mr. Barrenman - Respect!

- Out of the chamber!
- How about some goddamn respect

for our city!

Hey there, Los Angeles!

It's Darren Barrenman,

and you've reached
Awesome Aquatics.

Sorry I'm not here right now.

Have an awesome aquatical day.

Hi Darr. It's Sus.

Just checking in.

I know you had a
rough day yesterday.

Thinking about you.

I'd really like
to talk about us.

So, can you just
knock on my door?

Okay.

Bye.

Dear Erin,

Is it possible to
meditate too hard?

What does it mean when you
find yourself in a scary cave

being attacked by a tree?

I started meditating
to push away the blues

but now I feel them coming back.

Speaking of blues, Susan's sad.

And I don't know why.

Maybe she doesn't
like Descanso Gardens.

I thought everybody
liked flowers.

Also, I didn't want
to tell you this,

but I spent the night in jail.

I hit my friend Reggie in
the face and was arrested.

When did my passion
turn into rage, Erin?

When did I become a
threat to my city?

Why don't I know what to say
to Susan to make her happy?

And what about this tree?

It looks like just a tree, but
I think it's more than that.

Thanks for listening, Erin.

You're the best.

Yours, XX, DB.

Mr. Barrenman?

Yeah?

I'm June Del Rey,

executive assistant to
Councilman Stephen Toronkowski.

Um...

Technically new
executive assistant.

- Yes. New executive assistant.
- Yeah. Because apparently,

you've stolen Carol
Hodgkin's job?

I did not steal...

She's been there 40 years,
Ms. uh, uh, Ms. June.

- Things change.
- Well they shouldn't.

Perhaps the fact that I was the
one who bailed you out of jail

might change your tune.

Uh... It's complicated
because I like Carol but,

obviously, thank you.

Obviously you're
a woman of taste

and obviously, thank you
for getting me out of jail.

He lost a molar.

I don't follow.

Reggie.

Oh, shit, shit, shit!

Hey, Darren!

Hi, Ji-hun!

I like Reggie.
Reggie's a good man.

The good news is, he's
not pressing charges.

Reggie's a good man.

Not Reggie. Stephen.

Right, right. Wait, what?

You made a threat of abuse
and verbally assaulted him.

No. That is... No. No.

That's civil harassment, Darren.

- Well, no.
- My point is it's done.

Yeah. It is done.
Yes. Thank you

You're welcome. What
are you doing here?

I need your help.

Um, while I can
appreciate that he...

Um, I'm busy right now. so...

Stephen's dirty.

I knew it!

This is about backroom deals.

This is about the bus schedule.

- Hola, Darren!
- Hola, Rosa!

The audacity! The fucking gall!

This is about the
councilman accepting bribes.

What a dick!

Stephen is a threat
to our great city.

Yeah.

I need your help
taking him down.

Yes! Yes, yes!

Like, whoa. Like undercover?

Yes.

Uh, I'm not really trained...
Can I get back to you?

"Moody Mule Cavern Club,
Saturday, high noon."

What's this Moody Mule about?

Only our city's
best kept secret.

I overheard a phone
call between Stephen

and Theodore Hollandaise about
the Very Venice Housing Project.

Teddy Hollandaise?

Dutch Group Teddy Hollandaise?

The property developer.

Property Satan behind the
destruction of everything.

The Northford case
study of Santa Monica.

Jorge Pavlur's famed pupuseria?

Las Tortugas Verdes,

one of five remaining
Monterrey...

Monterrey revival garden
apartment complexes

modeled after The
Garden of Allah.

Crescent Heights has
never fully recovered.

I think Teddy is gonna hand
Stephen money at the Mule.

For what? I don't know.

But it's got something to
do with the housing project,

and I need you to find out.

Darren?

I'm sorry. I have
to go feel things.

So, are... are you
in or are you out?

Uh... mainly out, actually.

I really wanna see
Old Toro get the axe,

it's just... jail...

wasn't great and
scheduling stuff.

But definitely keep me in
mind for future whatever

and thanks for, you know, so...

Can we talk about
this inside, please?

- Who's this?
- Can we talk about this inside?

A tree?

Um, meditating,

and I ended up in a
cave, and I saw a tree.

Okay. That's important.
Let's stick with the tree.

Mm-hmm.

The trees roots grew
deep into the unconscious

and could be buried memories.

Trauma perhaps.

Hmm.

- Honey?
- Yeah?

Is there something
you'd like to tell me?

Oh my God.

Oh my God. I got it.

I'm climbing a tree into
a canopy of lies, Diane.

I'm a... I'm a fugitive
from the truth.

I'm a fugitive
from, from reality.

- Yes. Yes.
- Right?

You very well could be
running from something

in your past into
a prison of denial.

I was personally
thrown in jail, Diane.

In some sort of Sing
Sing of the soul.

We need to come
back to the tree.

Uh-huh.

It's Jack Denisoff
for Fred Specktor.

Yes. I'll hold.

So I need you to be brave.

I need you to confront your
fears and seek the tree.

I'm sorry, Diane!

- Okay?
- Mm.

Having spent years and years
worrying about everybody else,

the universe is now saying,

it's time to take
care of Darren.

To take care of that
wounded little boy.

To shine the purifying light
of insight on the hidden you

and find freedom.

It may be scary, but be brave.

Here you go.

A little stomach
therapy for the kiddos.

- Who was that?
- Who was who?

On the phone.

Oh. That was the restaurant.
The Japanese restaurant.

Oh. No it wasn't.

Yeah, I was trying
to get my money back.

You called Fred again.

Di, Di. I love you baby,

but this documentary's
my way back in.

This is an opportunity,
do you understand?

It's, it's...

Did, didn't Susan talk to this
guy about the polka music?

Cesar!

Shut it will you?

You're gonna wake
up Lawrence Welk.

You haven't spoken to
your agent in 15 years.

That's not true.

We exchange Christmas
cards every year.

Oh, come on. This is serious.

Fred is serious. What
are you talking about?

He was an agent
before you were born.

Darren was jailed
for God's sake.

And this June girl?

Darren's a pool man.
He's not a detective.

If she's so concerned, why
doesn't she call the police?

Police? That's all I need is
the police, then the feds.

I'm gonna have...

Then, like J. Edgar
Hoover - Oh God, Jack.

- With Putin to tank my career.
- You were never blacklisted, okay?

You made a bad investment.
- What about '87?

I'm ready to be brave, Diane!

The tree, jail, June.
- Who's June?

My passion isn't a
threat to Los Angeles.

All these signs are saying my
passion will save Los Angeles.

- Hmm.
- And June is,

is shining her
flashlight on my freedom.

I have to take this case.

- No. No.
- Yes!

Sweetheart, you are
not a detective.

Didn't David trust his slay
against the mighty Goliath?

- Darr-bear.
- David and Goliath!

- Yes!
- That's the title for our documentary!

- Darren!
- That's the title of our documentary!

- Darr-bear. Sit down.
- I've gotta move, Diane!

The boy's gotta
move, let him move!

Jackie! This is not
about you, okay?

This is Darren's life.
- D,

whatever concerns
Darr, concerns me,

to the extent we have a
business venture going.

Oh. How about a real
paying job, Jack?

You mean your brother?

Yes. There's nothing wrong
with selling timeshares.

Ugh. In Scottsdale. You're
brother's a schmuck.

C'mon, DD. Don't take
this away from me.

What would Erin do?

No. What does Darren need?

Frankly, to kick
some ass, Diane!

Attaboy!

Jack, put a spit-shine
on the equipment,

we need to be able to move
with stealth and speed.

Aye-aye, captain!

Diane, work up a psych
profile on Toronkowski.

Who is he? Why is he?

Mmm...

Jack, what am I tasting here?

This is my take on the
Langer's egg cream.

A little bit of cinnamon.

- It's brilliant!
- It's brilliant, right?

You love it too, right?
- Mmm. It's good.

Oh. Their fucking pastrami!

They've been there
over 75 years!

Oh. Oh my God. What
are you gonna do, Darr?

First Langer's
for the number 19.

And then what?

Pastrami party then we got
some homework to do, Jack.

I like it.

Gentleman, today

you can walk out that door,

turn right, hop a streetcar

and within 25 minutes end up
smack in the Pacific Ocean.

Now you can swim in it
and you can fish in it,

but you can't drink it,

and you can't irrigate
an orange grove with it.

Now remember, we live
next to the ocean,

but we also live on
the edge of a desert.

Los Angeles is a
desert community.

Beneath these buildings,

beneath our streets,
it's a desert.

And without water
the dust will rise up

and cover us as though
we never existed.

Now the Alto Vallejo
can save us...

William.

Well, I'll be.

I'm in.

How did you know where I live?

A feeling.

Hmm. Feelings are good.

Totally.

Um, I like your ensemble.

I couldn't decide between
Dietrich or Desmond

so I opted for a blend.

Yeah, I get it.

I bought a couple different
outfit options myself.

I was gonna go Guinness but
the wool's pretty scratchy.

This is my take on Cary Grant.

Oh. To Catch a Thief.

Yeah.

You coming in?

What's in the briefcase?

Gifts.

I work in colored paper
to express metaphor.

Diane says it's a useful
tool for my therapy.

Fascinating.

Los Angeles Conservancy.

Member since '99.

Drink?

Water.

Makes sense. You
are a pool man, no?

Yes and no.

Well, what is it
that you do exactly?

I'm a pool man.

I also work in and around water,

and also the origami.

Hmm.

Tell me more.

Okay.

As you can see, the
flashlight, you,

is shining its light on
the Statue of Liberty, me,

vis-a-vis my freedom.

Ah, and the tree is,
where's the tree I saw?

A tree. I see.

What tree did you see?

A big one.

What do you think it means?

- I don't know.
- Hmm.

Shall we consult the cards?

Yes! Great idea.

Magic cards?

Pick one.

Ah. Le bateleur.

The magician.
What does it mean?

Points to your talent
and untapped potential.

You're in the midst
of a transformation.

Something hidden
wants to be revealed.

Whoa.

Shall we light a match?

For?

I was thinking we
might burn the gifts.

- Uh...
- You know, a ritual.

No. Ab... No.

The... I made, these are
for... they're gifts.

How about instead,
we burn a match,

and blow it out together?

That's great. That way
the origami can live,

and, I've never done a
Statue of Liberty before.

Hmm.

Ah. Buona sera,
signorina Del Rey.

For you tonight?

I would like a
martini, very cold...

with three olives,
and a little dirty.

Certo, signorina, certo.

And for signor?

Do you speak French?

No.

Um. I do.

Uh, an egg cream.

Cold. Cinnamon-sprinkled.
Please.

Yes. Of Course.

Your tiny coliseum
makes sense now.

You speaking Italian.

If I can't travel
in my real life,

I might as well play pretend
and visit Rome right here.

At Korean barbecue?

They do impromptu
improv on Friday nights,

and I've known our
server Tom for years.

He's fluent in five languages

and happens to be a
very talented actor.

That's actually how we met.

We had a three
episode arc on Bones.

Do you act?

Once upon a time.

I work at City Hall when
I can because I like it,

but my passion
really is costuming.

I love Paris.

Oh.

I've never been, but I'm
supposed to go with Susan.

She used to act, too.

She does yoga now. Pilates.

- Who is Susan?
- She's my girlfriend.

Ah.

- Grazie.
- Ah. Prego.

And for the gentleman.

This is great!

Please do enjoy.

Hm.

To Los Angeles.

To the Tonga people who
settled here so long ago.

You are not forgotten.

To the lost.

And to the found.

It's cold.

So why me, Miss Del Rey?

Why send me on Saturday
and not the cops?

This needs to be discreet.

Like I can't tell anybody?

We don't know how far up the
food chain this thing goes.

- The feds?
- Maybe.

Yeah.

And I'm more impressed
by a man with a passion

than some boy and a badge.

Right.

Hm.

When I asked how you
knew where I lived,

what did you say?

Uh, a feeling.

It felt right.

I think it's
something like that.

When I look at you,
I feel less alone.

God. I'm gonna...
I'm gonna say it.

I'm gonna say it,

I followed you home
from the office.

It was too much.
I am so sorry.

And Diane doesn't trust you

and that's gonna be an issue.
- Who?

- Darren, who is Diane?
- She's my best friend

and union analyst

and I need to run this
whole thing by her

and I know you just said that I
can't tell anybody, but, can I?

I think we can
make an exception.

Thank you, I was so nervous.

You know that feeling?

That is really,
really, really good.

Yeah.

Can I trust you, Miss Del Rey?

I'm an informer Darren,
not a hypocrite.

Dear Erin,

What a difference a day makes!

I'm back!

Doing what I love and then some.

Long story short,

I'm temporarily a detective
acting on behalf of

a confidential informant
inside City Hall.

I'd tell you more about it,

but I do not want to
put you in danger.

As for Susan, the
more I think about it,

the more I know she'll
love Descanso Gardens.

Especially the sunflowers.

That'll make her
smile. I know it.

Love is back in the
City of Angels, Erin!

How are you?

Yours, XX, DB.

Hello, Darren!

The thing I don't know is,

who comes up with
pie and burger?

Uh, the restaurant of the
same name, Pie and Burger.

Yeah. I mean each one on its
own an American treasure,

and you put them together,

the combination is,
like off the charts.

You... Stop doing that.

We have to concentrate
on the case.

You gonna get into that
banana crème over there?

I'm saving it for later.

This tree, Jack.
What did Diane say?

Diane said, uh, make
sure we wear sunscreen.

- No, the case, Jack.
- It's hot.

Tree, jail, June,

mansion, nurse, shadows.

Shadows.

Mansion, nurse, shadows.

Right.

I was doing children's theater
in Massachusetts one year

and I was playing
the Wicked Wizard.

And we're... We got a
packed house of kids,

it's on a Saturday afternoon.

And a biker came in.

Out of the blue. Big guy.

Sat right in the
middle with the kids.

I mean, just in full regalia.

And, anyway, at the
end of the play,

the Wicked Wizard falls over
in the middle of the stage

like he's dead.

And all the kids
have to clap and go,

"We love you Wicked
Wizard, we love you."

We stole that from Petter Pan

and Tinkerbell and
all that stuff.

Anyway, long story short, the
guy leaves me an envelope.

In the envelope is
a key that says 2A.

And an address in Cape Cod.

Now I was already planning to
go to Cape Cod the next weekend.

So I stop. I didn't think
anything of it, you know?

I stop at this place,
it's a rooming house.

I go upstairs to 2A,

I open the door,
nobody in there.

It was very mysterious,

and there was a closet,
full of clothes,

a bag, and a nightstand.

And on the nightstand,

was a pack of matches,
a butter knife,

and a chuck of hash the
size of John Wayne's fist.

In the note, it said,

"Keep 'em laughin',
Wicked Wizard.

See ya next season."

I never did another season.
But I had a great weekend.

- Okay.
- But, how did he know?

It's like magical, - Uh...

that's the thing with the tree.

- Diane thinks there's something that you want to tell us.
- From NPR News...

Oh!

It's Lakshmi Singh.

Lakshmi Singh! I love her.

- Such a great voice.
- Oh. It's like velvet.

- These aren't fancy condos for the rich.
- Shh.

This is affordable
housing for Angelenos

desperate for a roof
over their heads.

That was land developer
Theodore Hollandaise

speaking today from
the future site

of the Very Venice
Housing Project,

set to break ground
later this year.

The VVHP has long
been a pet project

of City Council president
Stephen Toronkowski.

From NPR News, I'm Lakshmi...

- Oh, Shit!
- Oh. Oh God!

There's Toronkowski.

Don't look at him!
- Shh. Shh.

- And... 1, 2, 3, go!
- Go!

I gotta get Diane!
- I know.

I gotta get the walkie-talkie.

I'll get the pie.

I don't wanna litter.
Take the paper.

Take... No, leave the paper,
somebody will read it. C'mon!

- You c'mon!
- Alright, Where is he?

I don't know.

He's right here. C'mon!

Get down!

Get behind the clown!

Duck!

I gotta call Diane!

Di, Di, Di! Diane!
DD! Come in!

C'mere.

Come in! We, uh, I hear you.

Loud and clear. We
are coming to you.

- Jack, hurry up!
- Stay where you are.

Do you copy?

Keep your eyes on -
Whoa. Look at that.

The black Rolls Royce.

Can she hear you?

Tell her to mess
with the squelch.

- Mess with the squelch!
- Diane, What's wrong?

Jackie.

- Shoot.
- Check the battery.

Diane, start the
car we gotta go!

Did you bring the pie?

Stay down, stay quiet,

Wait up, wait up.
For crying out loud.

Jack! Right here.

- Stay down!
- Get right here!

June said it was
Saturday at the Mule,

but I bet he's meeting
Teddy Hollandaise

here right now!

I'm starving!

Diane, did you bring
the fruit cups?

No, I did not bring
the fruit cups.

- Let's see. The light's going.
- What the fuck is this?

This thing might be
out of batteries.

- Jack, what's that?
- No. Here it is.

Jack, what's this?

No. That's the...
that's... that's the focus.

Here you go detective!

What are you doing here?

Susan said you guys
might be out here.

We took a bus at
eight this morning.

How, how, how are you
two knowing each other?

Uh. Pilates intensive
in the marina.

Where's this from, Wayne?

We've got some
action. Who's that?

Who are these two goons?

- What are we looking at?
- Bad guys, Wayne.

This is good.

I got it.

Just as music is the
space between the notes,

and the stars are beautiful

because of the
space between them.

And just as the sun strikes
raindrops at a certain angle,

and throws a prism of
color across the sky,

so the place where I exist
and want to keep existing,

and to be quite frank,
I hope I die in,

is exactly this middle distance,

where despair struck
pure otherness

and created something sublime.

There's a gun! He's got a gun.

A gun!

- Just calm down.
- Oh my God!

This is good for the doc.

Okay. We gotta do something.

Wayne!

I'm gonna try and shoot these
guys and save the councilman!

- Wayne, put the gun down!
- Wayne! Susan!

Okay. Susan, I don't think it's
safe for you here right now.

Or you Diane.

Jack, we have got to
get the women to safety.

- Oh, fuck off!
- Get fucked!

Susan and I will infiltrate
and take out the targets.

Are you two dating?

Are you?

Are you two dating?

No, we're not dating.

Then why can't Susan
and I infiltrate?

You know, sometimes I think
you don't even see me.

I see you all the time.

Except Wayne's big
face is blocking me.

- Let Susan speak.
- I have let Susan speak.

- Thank you, Diane.
- Somebody look at this.

Do you even know
what it is I do?

We're on a stake...

Uh, you're, you are
an apartment manager.

You manage the Tiki.

And?

And, you're really good at it.

- No!
- No.

I also happen to run

a very successful
pilates studio, Darren!

- Will somebody look at what's going on?
- Duh. Yoga. Right?

Okay. This is exactly
what I'm talking about.

This is what she's
saying, Darr-bear.

- Look over here.
- I will look at it if you just give me a second

to process whats happening.

Will you pay attention
to what happening?

- You want a megaphone?
- Hey, I'm trying to work here. Your life.

They're doing business there.

Whoa. Is that the bribe, Jack?

I know these guys.

- From the city council.
- Yes.

Yes.

They shushed me with their eyes.

The bastards!

There's a clue
right there, Jack.

It's incriminating evidence.

Let's go! C'mon!

Everybody. Grab your
stuff. Let's go.

Stop touching Susan, Wayne.

- C'mon.
- I was just helping.

- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.

You're touching her
inappropriately.

- Darren. Bring it down.
- I just touched her shoulder.

- Don't...
- Why are you so upset?

You look like a
young Robbie Redford

behind that camera.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, you did.

We made love.

Oh.

How did this happen?

Wayne came looking for
you after your fiasco

at the council meeting,
and, uh, he found me.

But we have tickets
to Descanso Gardens.

I knew there was
something different.

You're glowing.

- I'm here too, thank you.
- Oh.

- Susan.
- I just can't help but think of Samir.

Samir? Chicken Samir?

Dead chicken Samir.

They were friendly.
Did you know that?

He really listened.

Is this about me not listening?

He was just a great listener.

I know it"s been years,
but I still feel his love.

It's still... It's in me.

I hope you can find
it in your heart

to hold both my love

and his love for
me, and our love.

I love you for you, sweet sweet,

and I'll love Samir, too.

I love you.

I love you, too.

What about Darr?

Okay. How does this make
you feel, sweetheart?

Well,

I have feelings in my heart.

Yeah.

Um. I'm sorry, Darr!

I'm happy for you.

Yeah?

I think, I think you just
need to figure some things out

before you can hold
space for someone else.

- I'm spacious!
- He's spacious for crying out loud!

- I'm spacious!
- Jack, Jack, please.

Yes. Sweetheart, you
are, it's just...

Can we still be friends, DB?

I'm happy for you.

I'm happy for Susan.

Wayne, dear. Anything
else you'd like to say?

We're moving to Palm Springs?

Buying a food cart.

No. Dig deeper, Wayne.

No. He's right.

Council did widen
the permit market.

It's a great thing for the city.

Those are good
tears, sweetheart.

Are you sure?

They just feel like
sad ones, Diane.

So what are you gonna do now?

I don't know.

Probably read some Brene
Brown or Esther Prout.

Book some more time with Diane.

I have Sunday at three open.

Sunday's no good.

I have a double bill
at the Egyptian.

- Monday at noon?
- Yeah, that's probably better. Thanks.

I meant, what are you
gonna do about your case?

Ah! That is privileged
information, Wayne!

Information I would have
shared with you literally.

But now, irregardless of your
boundary-crossing, probably not.

Really?

Dear Erin,

Well, the blues came back.

Turns out, I'm a better pool
man than I am a boyfriend.

So, I'm gonna clean my pool.

And even though I'm kind of
scared to see the tree again,

maybe you could tell me why...

I'm not spacious.

I do have an extra ticket
to Descanso Gardens.

Have you been?

Love is, well, hard, Erin.

Yours, XX, DB.

Hello, Darren.

I've been expecting you.

You have?

I want to show you
the secret things.

You wanna help me
solve the case?

You must remember.

Remember what?

It's time to remember.

I heard you the first time.

The tree.

Hi, Darr-bear,

I wanted to make sure
that everything's okay.

I just want to remind you
to take care of your self.

To take car of Darren.
Okay, sweetheart.

Is that Darr?

I left a little stomach therapy
for ya on your doorstep.

Feel better, buddy.

We're closed.
Thank you. Goodbye.

Darren, it's June.

I can't really
see you right now.

Open the door.

Um, it's been a really long day.

Could we do this tomorrow?

No. We need to do
this right now.

I... I have a couple more
chapters to finish in my book

and then I have to
do the worksheets,

so, thank you, goodbye.

- Are you okay?
- I'm great.

There's a lot to fill you in on.
The case is basically solved.

- Really?
- Yes, really.

Excuse me? You're gonna...
You'll ruin my photos.

You're bringing light
into my darkroom!

Go back outside.

Darren. This is not a joke.

- Duh.
- These people,

this whole situation,
is very serious.

Susan broke up with me and
then I nearly got shot.

Yes, it's serious.

Your job is the Mule.

That's it. You got it?

No more tailing people.

I haven't been tailing people.

- Yes, you have.
- No, I haven't.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

- Darren.
- I have therapy twice a week

and my work schedule
and everything.

- Stephen saw you.
- No, he didn't.

- Yes, he did.
- Nuh-uh.

I saw you, Darren.

What? When?

When I was visiting my mother.

My mother...

My mother's very sick.

She's dying.

Oh.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know. I'm
so, I'm so sorry.

She's in good hands.

So, the shadowy
guy in the mansion?

My uncle. It's his house.

A 1924 Wallace Neff design

in the foothills of the
San Gabriels, it's...

beautiful.

Can I hug you?

Would that be okay?

Um, I mean,

I just broke up
with someone, but...

I need you, Darren.

You're the only man I can trust.

Without you I feel so alone.

Let's finish what we started.

Together.

Lay low until the Mule.

Alright?

Mm-hm.

I'm already losing
someone close to me.

My heart can't take much more.

Gotcha!

Can I help you?

Darren Barrenman for
Theodore Hollandaise.

Is he expecting you?

I don't know. Is he?

Mr. Hollandaise,
there's a Mr...

Barrenman.

Barren-man here to see you.

He'll be with you in a moment.

I'll be right here.

I just played the ninth
hole the entire time!

The ninth hole. Ha!

Teddy, you're too much, man.

Ah. Mr. Barrenman.

Allow me to introduce
Mr. William Van Patterson,

CEO of Van Patterson Farms

and our angel investor for the
Very Venice Housing Project.

Bill, meet Mr. Barrenman.

- Mm-hm.
- Mr. Barrenman is, uh...

I'm sorry, what
is it that you do?

Pool man.

Great almonds, by the way.

Oh, thank you.

They're from my farms
in the San Joaquin.

Those are Bill's gifts.

The marinade? Inspired.

- It's wasabi.
- I taste honey.

Ah. A keen palate.

It's a family recipe. I can
send you some if you like.

More interested in
that recipe, Bill.

Well, unfortunately, that
must remain a secret.

Mm. Yeah, the secret thing.

Uh-huh. Sure.

Bill, great to see you.

Okay. Let's do some
tennis next week.

Oh. Sounds good,
Dutch. Sounds good.

Mr. Barrenman, I will
be right with you.

Never be afraid to
trust an unknown future

to a known God.

What?

Look, sweetheart!

It's just like Chinatown!

Okay.

Water?

Mr. Hollandaise is
ready for you now.

Let's do this!

Ah, Mr. Barrenman.

Please, close the door,
make yourself comfortable.

How can I help you?

- Brought you a gift.
- Well, thank you.

Samurai warriors were know
to have exchanged gifts

before battle, so I brought one.

I did not know that.

It's a canoe.

Do you believe in
synchronicity, Mr. Barrenman?

I do.

Dave's Dogs. Pilot for FOX.

I played Dave, hot dog
vendor. It was my big break.

I was just a boy who
majored in musical theater

and came to LA with a big dream.

But dreams die, don't they, kid?

No. I don't think
they do. No. No.

Cut to three years later,
I am living in my car,

showering at a park
off Lancashire,

wondering who the hell I am.

Why am I here? What
is my purpose in life?

Then, bang!

God divined I see five words.

Five words that changed my life.

We. Buy. Houses. For. Cash.

I called that
number on that flyer

and I asked the voice at the
other end of the line for a job.

A job.

And now?

Now I am that voice at
the other end of the line.

And maybe you are that sad man,

washing himself in the
park off Lancashire,

wondering who the hell you are.

Call me paranoid, Dutch,

but it sure looks like
you've hired two goons

to bribe Los Angeles
City Council President

Stephen Toronkowski.

And if I were a betting man,

I'd say that the Very
Venice Housing Project

was gonna run into some
very well-placed red tape.

Poof! There goes the
mixed-income housing and,

ta-dah!

In comes another bougie
country club for the rich.

Am I getting warm?

You're ice cold,
you're paranoid,

and you're a lousy gambler.

This is not a bribe, Darren.

This is the truth.

Stephen Toronkowski is
not what you think he is.

Is he a lizard?

Excuse me?

- Humanoid shape-shifter.
- No.

He's hiding a secret
at the Moody Mule.

Stephen represents San
Marino and old money.

He summers with the Bohinis.

Get it?

Okay, but...

what about the money bribe
you're doing at the Mule?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

But didn't Stephen at
the racetrack, did...

Darren, you know, I
like you, I really do.

If you're ever looking
for a real job,

you know where to find me.

It's been a pleasure.

Thank you for the canoe.

Oh.

I'm gonna be the laughingstock

of the ladies on Sullivan Lane!

Hi, Girls how's
everything going?

Awful.

Curt Ferguson is canceled

so we don't have an MC
for the talent show.

Would it help if I got
Bob Hope to be our MC?

How are you going
to get Bob Hope?

Easy. He's my father.

Rose, honey, do you still
actually believe that?

Believing that's got me through

some really rough
times, Blanche.

Whenever I have a problem
that I can't solve, I,

I always write a
letter to Bob Hope,

and suddenly I
don't feel so alone.

All my life, I've always felt
that he was there for me.

So I know he won't
let me down now.

Oh. I don't know whether
to cry, or commit you.

Thank you. Thank you!

Give me a few minutes
and it's cocktail hour.

Yes. Tonight was a victory.

Oh. I could do this forever.

Let me get on Mr. Flower Robe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Okay. First entrance, late.

Excuse me?!

Darren?

Where are they? I know
about the payoffs.

- Darren. What...
- Councilman,

where are those two
dudes with the briefcase.

Where is the money?

I don't what you're
talking about.

Oh, you do, too. C'mon.

Hollandaise, the housing
project, payoffs.

Connect four!

I win! You lose!
- What?

It's not that
complicated, Steve, okay?

- This is a nightmare.
- No. Uh, you know what's a nightmare?

Trying to make your way
to fucking San Anita

in rush hour traffic.

You followed me.

Of course I did.
You knew this.

I did not know that.

- What do you... June told me.
- June?

- That you knew.
- Why are you talking to June?

- That's classified, thank you.
- So you were following me.

I just told you that.

I know that you knew
that you knew that.

I didn't.

- You didn't?
- No.

Oh. Well...

- Darren. Darren. Darren.
- Okay, but...

Look, I don't know how
you've gotten yourself

caught up in this,
but you need to leave

and trust that I have
the best interest

of Angelenos in my heart.

You're a liar!

Darren, my family.

Oh, I know, the Bohinis,
blah, blah, blah.

No, no. I've never
been able to tell them

and I don't think
they would understand.

I don't think the Bohinis care.

No. My family.

I want to be able
to tell them myself.

Then, go tell them.

In your own time. No rush.

What do you... I don't...

What do you think
I'm doing here?

- Are you going to out me?
- As Blanche?

- Yeah.
- Never.

This makes you, like,
infinitely more vibey

than a rabbi moonlighting as
City Council President. No.

Definitely do this, but you are,

in conjunction with being vibey,

also in tandem, a
corrupt politician!

- You're right.
- Yeah.

I am?

Look, I, I respect you.

You, what?

You have courage. I envy you.

That's very nice of
you to say, thank you.

I'd like to do better.

I'd like to change.

The only way to change the
world is if you actually try.

I really want to try.

I've had a really hard week.

Me too.

There's a tree that's
stalking me and a lizard.

I'm not sure what to do.

Therapy.

Mm. I have therapy
twice a week with Diane.

Maybe medication.

I've... I've tried everything.

Prozac, Zoloft.

I just get depressed,

sad sometimes and I
can't pull myself out.

Me too.

And anxiety. I have
a lot of anxiety.

Do you have that, too?
- Terrible.

I write letters to
Erin Brockovich.

Do you know her?
- I know the movie.

Julia Roberts played her.

- Yeah. Isn't she wonderful?
- Wonderful.

- Isn't she beautiful?
- Yeah. Beautiful woman.

I write her a letter...
letter every day.

Er, Erin. Not Julia.

Not Julia.

It makes me feel less alone.

Sometimes I feel really alone.

Though I do have Jack
and Diane and Susan.

Not Susan. She's with Wayne.

They made love.

I feel alone sometimes, too.

Well, I certainly
did growing up.

It's hard not fitting in.

I sent her flowers, you know.

Sandra.

Uh, she loves the
white camellias.

- Bus driver Sandra?
- Bus driver Sandra.

She had a very
difficult pregnancy.

I didn't know that.

I'm sorry, Darren.

I'm sorry I've been so mean.

I'm sorry I've been so mean.

Will you forgive me?

Yeah.

Will you forgive me?

Always.

Can I hug you?
Would that be okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

You were great by the way.

- Oh, thank you.
- No, thank you.

You really, you're
a wonderful actor,

but I'm just gonna kinda
come out and say it,

are you in cahoots
with Teddy Hollandaise?

No. No, Dutch is a bad man

and when you read the Tribune
next week you'll find out why.

Can I just, can I
just find out now?

This has nothing to do with
the housing project, Darren.

Nothing at all.

You must remember this:

Los Angeles is a
desert community.

Beneath this building,

beneath every street
there is a desert,

and without water,
dust will rise up

and cover us as though
we never existed.

Chinatown?

Yeah.

No! No!

Barrenman! Catch!

- Ah!
- Good Luck, pool boy!

No. No.

Follow the water.

You must remember this.

The only way to
change the world

is by actually trying.

I feel all alone
sometimes, too.

- Purifying light of the...
- You must remember this.

- I think you need to figure some thing out.
- Follow the water.

I feel less alone.
You need to transform.

- The tree, Darren.
- You must remember this.

You remember about the tree.

It's time, Darren.

I don't think it is. No.

Oh, yes. It's time.

No. No.

I'm so sorry.

You alright?

Honey?

What, what happened?

Hey, buddy boy.

You gave a scare out there.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna get that.

- Jack!
- It might be Fred.

- C'mon. Don't you dare.
- It might... It could be Fred.

I'm really scared, Diane.

- I know, Darr-bear.
- They killed Blanche.

- Hello?
- What?

They killed Blanche.

- Hey.
- Who's Blanche?

The councilman. They
shot him. He's dead.

- Oh my God.
- Oh.

And my prints are on the gun.

- What?
- It's bad.

Jack! Get off the phone.

We have to call the police.
- Just a second, hon.

What happened to my pool?

'Cause I came back and the
pool was empty, and then...

Jack! Now!

Eh, look, look, no.
Just a second, baby.

- The tree. What about the tree?
- Tell him I don't want it.

- I'm supposed to remember
something, - Tell him to go to hell.

But what am I
supposed to remember?

What do I do,
Diane? What do I do?

I don't, I don't know.

- I'm scared, Diane.
- Jack! Now.

You know, Diane's never
really seen the canals,

so I'm gonna take this
all the way to Venice.

And then some sort of
talking iguana lizard.

That could be a warning
about a deception.

A sign of violence.
- No!

It was like an actual
lizard that was talking!

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

That was Fred.

He got me an offer
to direct a sitcom

at 75 thousand an episode.

Jack! What?

- Ha. Yeah.
- Jack!

You bet!

That's...

Fred. I turned him down.

- You what?
- I turned him down.

- Well, call him back!
- I can't. I fired him.

- No.
- Yes.

No, no, no, no, no!

Yeah. Diane, this is
the story I wanna tell.

I believe in us.

You believe in yourself.

I believe in my boy!

This has always been
about you, but guess what?

This is about Darren.

He's wanted for the murder
of Councilman Toronkowski.

Did you kill him, son?

- No!
- No!

They framed him!

Oh, shit!

We have a third act!

I'm calling the police.

I gotta call Fred!

Jack, what's that?

That, that's, uh, that's
some B-roll from the,

the housing project I
stuck in the trailer.

It's a water truck.

Right. It's a water truck.

So what?

Don't you see?
Stephen was right!

There's water in this desert
and it's right beneath us!

Right beneath the Very
Venice Housing Project.

Wait a minute, June's
necklace. The coliseum!

It's June!

And that guy from
Hollandaise' office.

What? You mean...

June and Van Patterson.

So, wait a minute,
this Van Patterson guy

is using the truck to take
the water out of the ground

and taking it somewhere.

Why?

Well, I don't know.

Why do bad guys do bad things?

Why did, why did Cain kill Abel?

Abel was a better farmer.

No. Abel was the shepherd,
Cain was the farmer.

No. No, no, I beg to
differ. Abel was the farm...

Jack, your biblical
references are always wrong.

What did you say
about lizards, Diane?

They, they can symbolize a
potential betrayal or deception.

Ah!

I've been hoodwinked.

Sweetheart!

I know it's dangerous,

but I got myself into this,

and I gotta get myself out.

I love you!
- Darr...

I gotta go save Los Angeles!

Oh. Darren!

- You're a lizard!
- Excuse me?

I don't speak lizard,

so you're gonna
have to translate.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

- You set me up!
- I would never set you...

You wanted me at the Mule.

You knew they were
gonna kill him!

- Kill who?
- Your boss, Blanche!

- What?
- Oh, you knew this!

Evil real estate agents

assassinated him in
his dressing room.

Are you even
listening to yourself?

Admit it! You started
this whole thing.

You get Carol Hodgkins fired,

you send me to the cabaret show,

which was phenomenal,
by the way,

so thank you, firstly,
secondly, to my point,

you put me in a position
to kill your boss.

Let me clarify, I did
not kill your boss.

But I was there

when the gun flew into
my hands from offstage.

The perfect patsy.

And then I hold
this beautiful man,

this talented, theatrical
artist in my arms

while he traveled
off to Valhalla.

- This is, this is madness!
- You're a lizard!

You are in bed
with Van Patterson!

He's my father!

He's my father.

My mother worked for him.

He was married and
they fell in love

and I was the accident.

He takes care of us.

He always has.

He put Mother up in
a giant house and,

so long as we kept quiet...

and then Mother got
sick and Father had...

He's after the water, Darren.

Stephen was along for the ride

until his conscience
caught up with him

and he said he was gonna
go to the press and Father,

Father threatened me.

If I didn't help
Father, If I didn't...

silence Stephen,

Father would have
let Mother die.

And as for Teddy Hollandaise,

the Very Venice Housing
Project was just a front.

Father needed to
get to the water

without inviting prying eyes.

Hello?

Yes.

Yes, of course.

I'll be right there.

Oh.

Oh.

I have to go. It's
Mother, she's...

Oh, Darren.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Hm.

Ah.

Whoa.

We're gonna protect her.

Honey and wasabi.

Hm.

Honey and wasabi.

Almonds.

Ah! Uh... uh...

Almonds, almonds,

almonds grow on trees!

Cain!

Oui.

No.

Hey you! Stop!

After him!

Stop the moped!

Darren! Wh... What are you...

No!

- Aah!
- Do not do that! No!

- What are you doing here?
- No!

You're safe now. I got you.

You shouldn't have come
here, Mr. Barrenman.

Yeah, no shit!

You're pretty scary,
but guess what?

Here I am and I'm
ready to be brave.

What are you blathering about?

Lady Liberty does
not fuck around!

Her fire is bright,

it is all-consuming,
and it reveals.

It reveals the secret things.

You're gonna shoot this
old woman in the head

before you escape to Mexico!

Or the Coliseum.

Your almonds were the
bifocals in the pool.

You know the incredible thing

about the Coliseum,
Mr. Barrenman?

That it was built on a lake?

Yes, there is that, yes.

That the emperor
and his consort had

a private entrance on the top

and put all the poor
people down at the bottom?

Enough!

You have unraveled
absolutely zero.

Nothing.

You put on your little swimmies,

and you waded out in the
deep end with the adults,

and now you're drowning
right before our eyes.

And just for the
sake of watching

your tiny little
bird brain implode,

this woman here is my wife.

June, is my lover.

I'm killing my wife because
I don't like her very much.

She's rich,

and she's holding the
deed to an almond farm

that I very much
want for myself.

It's as simple as that.

- You're a dickhead!
- You're a dickhead,

and guess what?

I have seen Chinatown, okay?

I have seen it pretty recently
and I know how it ends.

You don't have to do this.

You don't have to
marry you father.

Firstly, it is so gross.

And B, you are a smart,

beautiful, independent
woman and, yeah!

I love you!

Okay?

You kissed me.

We were caught up in the moment,

because our love is big!

And I have space for you!

In my heart.

This is not going to be easy.

But we could start over.
I don't know, maybe...

We could move to Palm Springs.

I, I'd get a food cart,
start selling my origami.

You design costumes.
Anything's possible!

I don't love you, Darren.

I know you're saying that
because he's still right here.

I don't love you.

I never have loved you.

I never will love you.

Huh?

You're a simple person.

Simple and tragic.

You see, people like
me eat people like you.

You're not even an
appetizer, Darren.

You are an amuse-bouche.

So it's not Chinatown?

No.

It's not.

It's life.

Couldn't have put it
better, myself, love.

Shut up Bill. Let's
get this over with.

Sure.

Goodbye, Darren.

Goodbye forever.

Agent Dirk Pfumpter, FBI.

- Wayne?
- Bernice Tuttle,

Bill Van Patterson,
you're under arrest.

Bernice?

I'm bleeding, here!
Someone help me.

I've been undercover
investigating Bill and Bernice

and their good buddy
Teddy Hollandaise for

a couple years now.

The two of them have
been trucking water

from the world's largest
undiscovered desert aquifer,

up to the Van Patterson
almond farms in San Joaquin.

Having bribed, conspired,
stolen, murdered...

Open up a little there,
to the camera, Wayne.

Open this way.
- What do you mean?

Open up to the
camera. Open up.

Up? What do you mean open up?

Like in other words,
move this way.

- Like this?
- Yeah,

and take it back from "bribed."
- From "bribed."

And then maybe glasses
off on "murdered."

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Having bribed, conspired,
stolen and murdered,

Good!

They were able to ink a deal
that gave them control of

the Los Angeles Department
of Water and Power.

Ah, ya! Stick it!

It was only a matter of time
before our pipes reversed course

and sent this precious
agua back up the 5 North.

Turn off.

Boss, we gotta move.

Cuff 'em up and ship 'em out.

Cuff me up. Cuff me up.

Unbelievable.

Got it? Huh? Oh, is
that all you got?

Just watch the
bracelets, will you?

I know you had your batteries.

You know, it wasn't all acting.

- Hey, Dirk?
- Yeah, DB?

- How did Jack and Diane know?
- I told them.

You deserve a good
ending to your film.

- And Dirk?
- Yeah, DB?

What about Susan?

I love her.

- In real life?
- In real life.

Take her to Paris, will ya?

She's taking me.

And DB?

- Yeah, Dirk?
- You did good.

You may be a pool man,

but you're also one
hell of a detective.

And you're also my best friend.

I remember.

I remember a tree.

It was a giant tree.

It was so big it had
no top and no bottom.

She put me there,
beneath the tree

and walked away.

I looked up, there was
wind in the branches,

the light of the sun.

And I realized I was alone.

I'd been left all alone.

♪ When you're weary ♪

♪ Feeling small ♪

♪ When tears are in your eyes ♪

Dear Erin,

Sometimes, it's hard
to feel different.

To feel all alone.

But then a tree comes

and tells you that
it's time to forgive.

Time to let your
heart grow bigger

and more spacious.

To let the family
that swam in your pool

tell you they love you
just the way you are.

I have my family, Erin.

And if love is alive,

what's there to be afraid of?

Thanks.

Thanks for everything.

Yours, XX, DB.

Having bribed, conspired,

stolen and murdered,

they were able to ink a
deal for control of the

Los Angeles Department
of Water and Power.

It was only a matter of time

before our pipes reversed course

and sent this precious
aqua back up the 5 North.

Cuff 'em up and ship 'em out.

Mm?

It's good.

But the kid?

He's not playing with
a full deck is he?

Watch your mouth, Fred.

Domiemi called.

They're offering a
deal at 5 percent.

You remember that
sitcom I told you about?

It's still barking.

Ooh!

Darren, would you please
stand and approach the mic?

Darren, on behalf of
the City of Los Angeles,

we would like to thank you.

We, the city council,

have voted unanimously to create
a new full-time position for you

as a special officer
of the court.

Ladies and Gentleman, it
is with great pleasure

that I present to
you, Darren Barrenman,

Policy Supervisor and
Preservation Deputy

for the Office of
Change and Beauty!

That's my boy!

Can't do it, Jang!

Uh, firstly, I am surprised
to see you and you pals here.

I thought maybe
you'd be in jail,

but clearly the song
remains the same.

B, I have a job, I'm a pool man.

- Yeah, Darren.
- Thanks, Kenny, I appreciate that.

I'd like to start
with an apology.

I'm sorry, Reggie,

I'm sorry I knocked
your tooth out.

I feel badly about that.
- Thanks, Darren.

I also want to tell you
about the real Councilman

Stephen Toronkowski.

Who was deeply,
deeply vulnerable,

and in his final moments atoned
with such grace and depth.

He was generally just incredible
and so gifted theatrically.

I wish you could have seen him.

Finally, I'd like to
talk about trolleys.

We need them. Red ones.

Everywhere.

And we're gonna work on that.
- Mm-hm.

Meantime, I've just
finished a study

of how we can make the
bus schedule great,

if not damn near
perfect! As you know...

♪ If you have
sunshine And beaches ♪

♪ How can that be so hard ♪

♪ And maybe oranges
And grapefruit ♪

♪ Growing in your own backyard ♪

♪ If you have mountains
And the ocean ♪

♪ And a great, big smiling sky ♪

♪ There's very little
That is blue here ♪

♪ So the blues pass
Los Angeles by ♪

♪ Everybody has a barbecue ♪

♪ Everybody's goin'
Swimming, too ♪

♪ With that kind of living
How can you be blue? ♪

♪ So the blues pass
Los Angeles by ♪

♪ Oh, you can go to a mountain
And ski down the side ♪

♪ Go to a beach And
take a surfboard ride ♪

♪ The city of Angels
Has a lot of pride ♪

♪ But the blues
Have passed it by ♪

♪ And oh, the folks are nice
In this tropical clime ♪

♪ Although they talk about
The weather lots of the time ♪

♪ They call it unusual
If the rain comes down ♪

♪ They don't believe in
blues In this old town ♪

♪ You can go to the
desert In an hour or two ♪

♪ Where the sun and the
sand Are so good for you ♪

♪ Where living's that
easy How can you be blue ♪

♪ Yes, the blues
Have passed it by ♪

♪ Oh, you can live in the valley
Where the grass in green ♪

♪ Or you can live on a hill
With a view to be seen ♪

♪ The people do say That
on a real clear day ♪

♪ You can see Catalina
Though it's pretty far away ♪

♪ Oh, you can watch the Rams Or
Angeles or the Dodgers play ♪

♪ On a sunny California
Smog-free day ♪

♪ If the boys are winning
It's easier to say ♪

♪ That the blues
pass Los Angeles by ♪

♪ Yeah, pass right on by ♪

♪ Took a look at the sky ♪

♪ And they passed it by ♪

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