All language subtitles for Step.By.Step.S04E07

Thanks for organizing
this study group, Dana.

I'm just glad it's a quiet day
around here.

Hey, yo, dudes,

check out my new cheese hat,
man, and my air horn.

I got them
for the football games
at school.

Pretty, cool?

Cody, um, would you please
get your air horn and
your cheese head out of here?

Okay? This is a study group.

The Dana burger
and The Brainiacs.

Hey, wow, that would be
a pretty cool name for a band.

You guys should like go on tour,
like trash
a bunch of motel rooms.

Cody, we're trying
to study for a test.

Tchyeah, well, I didn't mean
like right now.

So, what are you guys studying?

Philosophy.

Get outta here!
I'm in that class, too.

We know.

It's hard to miss someone
waving his arms and screaming,

"Professor, dude!
I'm all over this one!

"Tchyeah!"

Tchyeah.

Dana, I got a killer idea.

Why don't you let me in
your study group?

Cody, you know,
that would be
a slice of heaven,

but unfortunately,
we are full.

But, I can put you
on the waiting list though.

Righteous. Hey.

And to show you
how much I appreciate that,

I am going to let you
wear my cheese hat.

Cool, now you're the Dana burger
with cheese.

Hi, honey.
No time for breakfast.

I'm running late.

Frank, I need to talk to you
about something important.

Did I forget to put
the toilet seat down?
Honey, I'm sorry.

No, it's,
it's a lot more important
than that.

Well, can't it wait, honey?
I'm really running late.

I think I'm pregnant.

What's the matter, Daddy?
Did something go down
the wrong pipe?

You could say that.

Well, next time,
you should be more careful.

Yeah.

Carol, you think
you're pregnant?

Now, how did this happen?

Well, you should know.

You were there, yelling
"Yabba dabba do!"

I know how it happened,

but I thought
we were taking precautions.

Well, we are, but nothing
is a hundred percent sure,
except abstinence.

And, we can't seem
to work that out.

A baby?.

I'm too old to have a baby.

You're too old?

Well, I'll tell you what, Frank,

just to help you out,

I'll carry this one.

I'll even throw in
the morning sickness,

and the stretch marks,

and the breast feeding.
Anything to help you out.

I'm sorry, okay?
Now listen,

well, maybe
you're not even pregnant.

Yeah, you're right.

No sense getting all crazy
until we find out for sure.

You know, maybe we should
buy one of those
home pregnancy tests.

That's a good idea.

You know, I'm really backed up
at the beauty shop today.
Could you pick one up?

Me go down
the women's aisle?

Carol, you know how I feel
about that.

Feminine hygiene
is no place for a man.

Frank, grow up.

Okay, okay, I'll get it,
I'll get it.

But I'm gonna wear
my tool belt.

Just so there's no mistaking
which side of the aisle I'm on.

JT,

um,

do you know Kevin Lewis?

Sure. He lives
down the street.
He's a great guy.

He tells the funniest jokes.

Good, 'cause I'm going out
on a date with him tonight.

No way. The guy's a pig.

Well, I thought you just said
he was a great guy.

Well, yeah,

that was before I knew
you were going out with him.

Now he's slime.

You know,
you're not helping me here.

This is my first real date
and I'm kind of nervous.

I could really use your advice.

Look, Al, here's my advice.

"Stay away from guys." Okay?

We're all scum.

Do you know
what goes on in my mind
when I'm out on a date?

It's disgusting.

You know, this is the last time
I come to you for advice.

Well, good, because I don't want
to hear about you
or your sex life ever again.

Hey, you guys busy?

I am, 'cause I'm doing my nails,
but Dana's just doing
her homework.

What's the problem, Al?

Well, I hate asking
you guys anything,

but, JT went psycho on me,
so I've got no choice.

I'm kind of nervous
because I'm going
on my first real date tonight.

A date?

Al,
this is so exciting.

I just knew one day,
you'd shed that tomboy cocoon

and emerge as the butterfly
of a woman you are.

Welcome to my world.

I knew this was a bad idea.

No, no, it's going
to be great.

Now pay careful attention
because I'm going
to explain to you

"the art of dating."

God.

Anyway, the secret to dating
is letting a guy think
he's in charge,

when in fact, the woman
is running the whole show.

The first date
is the most important.

That's when you agree
with everything he says.

Then, he falls hopelessly
in love with you and you can
control him forever

or until you find
someone better.

Al, come here.

You're not buying this drivel,
are you?

Well, Karen does seem
to be popular with boys.

Look, there is no secret
to dating, alright?

Just be yourself, you know?

And if you don't like
what a guy has to say,
set him straight.

Tell him what you think.

And if the idiot
still disagrees,

do not back down.

Stick to your guns.
Get in his face,
if you have to.

I'm beginning to see
why you get dumped
all the time.

I'm all yours, Karen.

Right.

Now, there are three
magic phrases that let the guy
think he's in charge.

Number one:

"That is a great idea."

"Why didn't I think of that?"

- "Wow, you are so smart."

Guys actually fall
for this?

They eat it up with a spoon.

Hi, Cody. Hi, honey.
Hey, Uncle Frank.

Hey, dude, what'd you get
at the store?

Stay away
from that sack!

Major mood swing?

I think somebody took
one too many trips

to the cappuccino bar,
there, Uncle Frank?

Hey,
I got the thing.

Frank, it's a home
pregnancy test,
it's not an atomic bomb.

Frank, you got
the wrong kind of test.

I have to wait
until tomorrow morning
to take this one.

Didn't you read the label?

No.

Honey, I flew through
that aisle, just knocked one
into the basket,

then I went and bought
some duct tape so I could feel
like a man again.

Well, great, now I have to wait
all day to find out
if there's good news.

Good news? Are you saying
you hope you're pregnant?

Well, I was thinking, you know,
it'd be kind of nice
if we had a baby.

It would be something
that we made together.

Couldn't we just build
a carport?

Nice attitude, Frank.

I'm sorry, honey, I don't mean
to sound negative, but...

gee, I've been raising kids
for almost twenty years now,
I'm getting tired.

I wanted to have
some time alone
with you

while I still have my hair
and you still have your...

...teeth.

Frank, I know what you're trying
to say, but I miss having
a baby, you know?

The way they feel
when you're holding them.

The way they look up at you
so adoringly.

The way they spit up
all over your shirt.

Well, it doesn't really matter
what we think.
It's in God's hands now.

You're a guy.
You know what I'm saying.

Frank,
I'm so glad you're here.

I am proud to present
my latest creation.

The new and improved
Miss Al Lambert.

Wow. Al, I've never seen you
look so...
all grown up before.

Yeah, and I look
pretty hot, too.

Now, Al, here's your purse
filled with the essentials
for your date.

Lipstick, mirror, money,
and of course, a pencil
and paper

in case a better looking guy
asks for your phone number.

Thanks, Karen.

That must be my date.
Dad, Dad,

promise you're not going
to ask him
any embarrassing questions.

Relax, pal,
I will be a cool Dad.

Hey, Kevin.
Hi, Al.

This is my Dad.
Kevin, come on in.

And this is my sister, Karen.

Hi.
Hi.

Mr. Lambert, I just want you
to know I'll have Al
back by eleven.

Fair enough. I just want you
to know, I have a very extensive
gun collection.

How about ten thirty?

Even better.

He's kidding
about the gun collection.

Funny.

Can we go?

Sure, what do you want to do?

How about a movie?

A movie?
That's a great idea.

Why didn't I think of that?

Wow, you are so smart.

Thanks.

Well, you guys
should probably run along now.

Later, Dad. See ya, Karen.

- Bye.
- Bye.

That is so strange.

I've never seen Al suck up
to a guy like that before.

Yeah. I taught her
everything she knows.

Well, that explains a lot.

This stinks. We spent
four days studying
for this stupid test.

How did we all get Cs.

Well, let's just see
what the professor
had to say.

"Unoriginal, linear thought.

"Textbook definitions.

"Broad generalizations "

I can read.

Yes, but apparently,
you can't write.

You know, I think
the professor's just trying
to scare us before mid terms.

I bet he didn't give out
any good grades.

Hey, yo, Dana,
check it out.

I got an "A"
on my Philosophy test.

Yeah, buddy.

I'm wearing my cheese hat
to celebrate.

Once again, Lady Luck
spits in my face.

Hey, you know,
you ought to be more careful
who you hang out with.

So how did you guys do?

We all got "C's."

My God. How'd that happen?

Man,

everybody in my study group
got an "A."

What do you mean,
"your study group?"

Well, when you guys
were all filled up,
you know,

I decided to form
my own think tank.

Yeah, we're meeting
in my van right now.

Any chance I can join
your study group, Cody?

Sure.

Yeah,
I want to join, too.

- Hey, come on along, man.
- The more, the merrier.

Hey, so, Dana,

you want to join
the "A Team,"

I'll let you wear my cheese hat.

Yeah, buddy.

Come on, we need
your smiling face
to brighten up the van.

All right, anything
for an "A."

Yeah, dudesie!
All right.

You're a woman.
Why do you keep doing this
to me?

Hey, you want to come in
for a soda?

No, thanks,
it's getting late.

You're right.

I should probably
be heading home.

You're right again.
But, hey, you've been right
about everything all night.

Sure.

I had a good time tonight.

Yeah.

Well, um, I'll see you.

When?

Look, Al,

I don't want to hurt
your feelings, but I don't think
we'll be going out again.

This just didn't work out.

What do you mean?

When I asked you out,
you seemed different

like you had your own opinions
and you really stuck by them.

But, all you've done tonight
is agree with everything
I've said.

You're right.
I mean, you're wrong.

I can be different, honest.

Look, it'll be better
the next time we go out.

I don't think
there's going to be
a next time, Al.

No hard feelings, okay?
It's no big deal.

Yeah, it's no big deal.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Carol.

What's the matter?
Didn't your date go well?

He dumped me.

I'm so sorry.

You know, I don't get it.

I did exactly what Karen
told me to do.

No, not the three
magic phrases.

Yeah.

Being dumped is the pits.

No wonder Dana's so crabby
all the time.

Al, why were you trying
to be like Karen?

Did you think about
just being yourself?

You know,

everybody says,
"Be yourself."

But how am I supposed to do that
when I don't even know
who that is anymore?

You know, I look
in the mirror now,

my hips are curving
all over the place, my boobs
are popping out of my chest,

and my hormones
are completely out of control.

Face it, Carol,

I'm a mess.

Al, you're not a mess,

you're just a girl
who's turning
into a woman.

Well, nobody asked me about it
and I'm not sure I like it.

You know, I used to watch
the Packers and think,

man, that linebacker
plays great defense.

Now I watch and think,
man, that linebacker's got
a great butt.

Number 58?

Yeah.

You've got good taste.

Look, Al, it's not easy
being a fifteen year old girl.

You're going through
so many changes.

And, I don't mean
just your body.

It's your emotions,
it's the way you look
at the world, everything.

Man, it's really confusing.

I know, I know.
But just hang in there.

I promise, everything
will work out.

And on the days
that you don't think it will,
come to me.

We'll talk, we'll work it out
together, okay?

Thanks, Carol.
Okay.

Carol...

you know...

you're a really great mom.

I hope so.

Frank?

Yeah?

Do you realize,
in the next few seconds,
we're going to find out

something that can change
the rest of our lives?

Well, now wait a minute, honey.

Whether or not we have a baby,
the rest of our lives
is going to be wonderful.

I can't look.
Would you go in there?

Sure, sure.

I don't have
to touch it, do I?

I'll, I'll go.

Carol,

I'm sorry, honey,
it's negative.

Okay.

I guess we're not going
to have a baby after all.

No, honey,

here, here, here.

Come on now,
I know you're disappointed,

but look at the bright side
of things

I mean, in a few years,
the kids'll be grown up,

and we can do all those things
we've always dreamed of?

Like taking a cruise
to Alaska,

the wine tasting
in the Napa Valley,

sunbathing on the nude beaches
in the Riviera.

Frank, I don't remember
having that dream.

That was probably one of mine.

But it's gonna be even better
with you in it.

Yeah, especially,
if I still have my...

...teeth.

Come in.

Mom, can I borrow
some conditioner?

Sure, go ahead.

Carol, I have a great idea.

Let's, you and I, drive up
to that inn on the lake?

And, have a romantic dinner.
Just the two of us.

That sounds great.

Okay.

Mom, I can't believe this.
You're pregnant?

No, it was
just a false alarm.

No, it wasn't. It's blue.

Blue means you're pregnant.

No, Dana. It doesn't.

It says on the box,
right here.

"Blue means you're pregnant."

What happened
to the word "not?"

Frank.

Do you know
what this means?

We're gonna have a baby.

We're gonna have
a baby.

God,
we're gonna have a baby.

I am so happy.