All language subtitles for Step.By.Step.S03E19

Hey, dudes,
what are you doing?

Just rustling up
a couple of low fat
turkey dogs.

The
mighty turkey dog.

The monarch
of meat snacks.

The titan of tubesteaks.
The Schwarzenegger
of sausages.

Would you like
one, Cody?

No way.
I tried a couple
of those suckers once.

Shot through me
like a herd of buffalo.

Maybe I'll just
have an apple.

Hey, guys.

Listen, I need some help
for my psychology class.

I have to study
a member of our family

and write a profile
on them.

Any volunteers?

Me! Pick me!
I'll do it!

Pick me!
Come on, come on, come on!

Karen?

I'm sorry,
I'd like to help,

but, I have a big
history paper to write
this week.

Come on,
come on, come on!

Pick me! I'll do it!

Come on!
Me, me, me! Come on!

Mark?

Sorry, Sis. Puberty's
hit me big time.

There are things in my mind
that shouldn't be
aired in public.

Come on, come on!
Me, me, me!

Pick me! I'm the one!
Come on, me!

Come on, come on!
Pick me, me!

Come on.

Cody, would you
like to volunteer?

Well, you know me,
I'd love to help,

but, I'm kind of
busy right now.

JT, can I talk to you
for a minute?

Honey, not now,
not now.

JT's gonna miss
this field goal

and I'm gonna
win the Super Bowl.

Choke, choke,
choke, choke...

Hey!

All right!

"JT Lambert, you just
won the Super Bowl.

"What are you
gonna do now?"

I'm going to Disneyland!

Gee, I hate to interrupt
this great moment
in sports history,

but, I was cleaning up
the boys' room

and I found these
college application forms

stuffed under JT's bed.

I'm sorry, Carol.

They shouldn't have
been there.

I meant to
throw them away.

Throw them away?

Yeah. I'm not
going to college.

JT, you have to
go to college.

Frank, tell him
he has to go to college.

Well, honey, the kids and I
have talked about this.

And JT knows that
I don't agree

with forcing a kid
to go to college.

I mean, there's other
choices you can make.

You can go to
a trade school,
you can get a job.

So, son,
what're your plans?

I don't know.
You know, hang out,

catch up on some sleep,

watch a little tube.

So, basically,
you plan to be a bum?

Well, yeah. I guess
you could call it that.

See, here's my philosophy:

Instead of retiring
when I'm too old
and decrepit to enjoy it,

I'm gonna retire now,
and get a job
when I'm a geezer.

Well, son,
here's my philosophy:

Either you're gonna
go to some type of school,
or you're getting a job.

And if you're gonna
continue to live here,
you're paying rent.

Rent?
But, you're my dad.

I'm your dad
'til you're 18,
then I'm your landlord.

All right, fine, fine.

I'll fill out these stupid
college application forms.

Man, forcing a kid
to get an education.

What kind of parents
are you?

Hi, Dana. Want to go
to the library?

No, I'm waiting
for Cody.

We're going to get
started on my
psychology project.

I don't get it.
I thought you didn't want
Cody to be your subject.

I didn't, but, then I had
an interesting realization.

My grade is based on
my assessing
the subject's mental state,

and Cody is a fruitcake.

This is gonna be
the easiest "A"
I ever got in my life.

Paging Doctor Danaburger.

Paging Doctor Danaburger.

Your one 1:00 o'clock
appointment is here.

Cody, where did
you get that thing?

Well, I was
cruising up Route 79

and I see this dude
trying to thumb a ride.

Well, actually, he wasn't
thumbing a ride,

he was kind of more
going like this.

Well, anyway,
I picked him up
and I gave him a ride

and he was so grateful,
he wanted to pay
for the gas, you know,

but, he didn't have any money,
so he gave me
this really cool coat.

You're right. The paper
practically writes itself.

Cody, as much as I like
the way you look
in that thing,

it's distracting,
so take it off.

You're the doctor.

All right,
let's get started.

Okay.

Well now, let's see.

My earliest memory
was floating
in a pool of water

with the faint sound
of a heartbeat.

Thump thump, thump thump,
thump thump.

Then I had to squeeze
down this narrow tunnel,

and at the end,

this dude in a mask
grabbed me and slapped me
on the butt and said,

"It's a boy!"

Must have been about
three or, four at the time.

Cody, I am not interested
in your demented memoirs
from the womb.

Boy, that's a relief.

Because before that
narrow tunnel dealie,
I don't remember squat.

Except for this one time

I remember I had a tail

and I was swimming around
with about a million other dudes
who looked just like me.

I wonder what ever happened
to those other dudes.

Cody!

Can we begin?

Sure.

Boy, you shrinks are tense.

All right.

I'm going to say a word

and you tell me
the first thing
that pops into your head.

Okay, all right.

Okay.

"Mother."
High tension wires.

"High tension wires?"

That's what you think of
when I say "mother"?

Well, sure.

All right, you know
I'm always welding stuff up
for my mom. Right?

Well, last year I found
these awesome
high tension wires

and I welded them up
in a hammock for her.

Of course, she sat in it
during an electrical storm,

fried off all her hair.

"Father."
Fire extinguisher.

"Fire extinguisher?"

Well, yeah, sure.

When Mom caught on fire,
somebody had to
put her out.

Hi, Frank.

One of my customers
at the beauty shop
gave me this magazine

and I got a great idea
for our next
romantic vacation.

We can go to
High Mountain Hot Springs.

That health resort where
they make you eat sprouts
and wrap you up in sea weed?

Yeah, it'll be fun.

We can have massages,
we can even take
a mud bath together. See?

Eighty five bucks
for a mud bath?

Honey, I got a better idea.

I'll just turn on the hose
and we can roll around
in the backyard.

Come on, Frank,
it'll be fun.

Besides, when I get out
of that mud bath,

someone is going to
have to sponge me off.

Hey, guys, break it up.

I got great news.

Remember how you said
I either had to go to college
or get a job?

Yeah.
Well, I decided you're right.

That's great.
What college are you
going to apply to?

Leo's Auto World.

I'm washing cars
for five bucks an hour.

Well, it's only
part time right now,

but, Leo says
when I finish high school,

he's gonna
put me on full time.

Congratulations, son.

Thanks, Dad.

Don't look at me that way.

Honey, I know
what I'm doing here.

You are going to let him
wash cars
instead of go to college?

Carol, JT will be outside
washing cars

in 30 degree weather.

Believe me, after a couple
of weeks of
freezing his petoochies off,

he'll be begging us
to go to college.

Well, I hope you're right.

Although, I do
have one question.

What's that?

What are petoochies?

Well, hello there, sir.

And welcome.

Welcome, welcome,
to Leo's Auto World.

Now, I am Leo Klemke

and, hey, you look like
a man who needs a car.

Look, pal,
I don't like pressure.

Hey, well,
that's our motto,
"No pressure."

So, look, I'll just be
waiting over here by this,
late model sedan

attractively priced
at a mere 9500 dollars,

which, of course, includes
tax and the, license.

Doing a great job.

Yeah, well,
it's pretty easy to
make this car look good.

Yeah, my wife took it
for a test drive yesterday.

Said it ran great.

Yeah. This thing'll
be running great
for another ten to 15years.

Well, if you
take care of it.

Well, the price tag's
pretty steep.

What, are you kidding?

I've been looking
in the paper

and I can't find
a car like this
for under ten grand.

Well, at least
not in this condition.

Really?

Yeah. I mean,
come here, check it out.

It's got all
the original detail,

pony interior, rally wheels

and the body's perfect.

There's only one thing
wrong with this car.

It needs new brake shoes.

But, that's only like
a couple hundred bucks.

This baby's
still a bargain.

You make a lot
of sense, kid.

And you're honest.

I'll buy the car.
Really?

Hey, Leo...
Excellent choice, sir,
excellent choice.

You know,
and this little car
will last you a lifetime.

Well, not a lifetime.

Well, who knows
how long any of us
are going to live?

Now if you'll just
wait for me inside,

we'll fill out those papers

and you can drive
that baby home today.

Thanks, kid.

Hey, no problem.

JT,
that was brilliant.

Never have I seen
such salesmanship.

I wasn't even trying
to sell him the car.

Yeah, but, you sold him,
didn't you?

I love this boy!

I was just
telling him the truth.

Honesty. Hey, yeah.
What a concept.

Okay, okay,
I'll try that sometime.

Well, here you go, buddy,
you just made yourself
300 bucks.

Three hundred bucks?
For what?

Well, that's
your commission.

I mean, you sell a car,
you get paid for it.

Leo Klemke cheats no one.

Three hundred bucks.

Man, I'm never
going to college.

You guys.

Break it up.

Listen, Carol,
you don't have to
cook dinner tonight.

JT gave us money
to buy pizzas
for everybody.

Wait a minute.

Where did JT get
this kind of money?

Well, he sold a car
down at Leo's

and he made 300 bucks.

JT says he's never
going to college.

In fact, I don't think
I am either.

Me, neither.

I want to be
a car salesman.

Well, this is great, Frank.

Congratulations,

now you have three kids
who want to be
used car salesmen.

Carol, you're overreacting.
Overreacting?

JT's makes
a little easy money,

and now he's ready
to throw his whole life away.

We have got to
get him to fill out
those college applications.

Honey, now I told you,
I don't believe in forcing
a kid to go to college.

Now, I said he could
get a job or, go to school.

He got a job.
I'm not going to
go back on my word.

Well, what if he wakes up
two years from now

and realizes he made
a terrible mistake?

Then two years from now
he will go to college.

Honey, not everybody's
ready to go to college
right out of high school.

I mean, Dana's ready.
Karen will be ready.

Mark's ready now.

But, JT might be a kid
who just needs
a little more time.

Well, I think he's making
a big mistake

and if you're not going to
talk to him, Frank,
than I will.

Okay, okay, we're back.

Thank you God.

What a rush.

You're so right, JT.

When I was out there,
with the wind in my hair

and cussing that kid out

who cut me off,

I felt like I was
16 years old again.

You're right,
Mrs. Slezak.

You're way too spunky

to be driving that
old granny mobile
your nephew stuck you with.

That's for sure.

What else you got
to show me?

I have something that's
perfect for
the senior road enthusiast.

Hot diggety.
Lead the way, JT.

I'd follow those cute
little buns anywhere.

Hi, JT.

Hey, Carol.
I'm with a customer.
I'll be with you in a minute.

Hello there, ma'am!
Welcome to
Leo's Auto World.

I am Leo Klemke

and you look like a lady
who needs a car.

No, I'm not a customer.
I'm JT's stepmother.

Hey, I am proud to
shake your hand.

Your stepson's
a real go getter.

JT?

Yeah, you bet.

Well, he tells me you
and Mr. Lambert are,

responsible for
making him that way.

We are?

Yeah, you know,
I wish I could do that
with my kid.

I mean,
four years of college,

he's working
the sour cream gun
at Casa Burrito.

Sixty grand on education
so he can do this.

Well, I'm sure your son
will find his niche.

Yeah, maybe he'll
work his way up
to guacamole boy.

But, JT, hey, this kid
is going places.

Just watch him
handle this customer.

This baby's got low mileage
and comes with
a one year warranty.

Sounds great.
Now, let's talk safety.

Sometimes my driving
is, um...

A little creative?

Creative. I like that.

The judge said reckless.

Well, see? Then that's why
this baby's perfect for you.

It's got every safety feature
you could ever want,

anti lock brakes,
air bag, the works.

This baby's
built like a tank.

And judging
by the way you drive,

it might not be a bad idea.

Well, you sure know
your stuff, kiddo.

Wow, he's
pretty good at this.

Good? He is a natural.

You know,
you and your husband
must be very proud.

Leo, could you show
Mrs. Slezak the
safety reports on the 240 GL?

Safety reports?

Um, when,
when did we get those?

They're in the consumer guide
I got from the library.

They're on your desk.

Of course, of course.
Safety reports.

Love this boy.

Right this way,
sweetheart.

Hands off, bubble butt.

Bubble butt?

So, Carol, what brings
you down here?

Well, I I just wanted
to talk to you
about something.

You know, I wanted to
talk to you, too.

I wanted to thank you and Dad
for getting me off my kiester.

I don't know
if you noticed or, not,
but, I used to be kind of lazy.

Well, I wouldn't
say "lazy."

I would.

I don't know,

I guess since I was
never any good at school,

I thought I'd never be
good at anything else.

But, this job
changed all that.

I mean, I'm really good
at talking to people

and helping them find
the cars they want.

I'm even good
at keeping Leo honest.

And that's pretty much
a full time job.

I guess
what I'm trying to say is

this job makes me
feel good about myself.

Well, I am
really proud of you, JT.

I know I put
a lot of pressure on you
to go to college,

but, maybe your dad is right.

Maybe college
is not right for you.

No. I thought
I might go to college
part time, you know.

Take a couple of
business courses.

Maybe even some math.
Math?

Well, you know,
you put dollar signs
in front of numbers,

they really start
to mean something.

You know, JT,
I get the feeling that
one of these days,

this sign up here
will say "JT's Auto World."

I like the sound of that.

Hey, Carol, you know,
since you're here,

could I show you a car?

JT,
I don't need a car.

I know, I know.

I just thought it might be
fun to take one
for a test drive.

It's free.

Well, I really have
wanted to drive
one of these custom vans.

Well, then let's take it
for a spin.

There's no obligation
and no pressure.

There's a TV.

Yeah.

I love this business.

Man.

Man.

Something wrong, Cody?

Am I that transparent,
Uncle Frank?

Only to those of us
who really know you.

What's the problem?

Well, today's the day
that Dana gets graded

on that psychological profile
she wrote about me.

So?

What if she finds out
something weird about me,

like that I'm
totally psychotic?

I don't see how that
would ever happen.

Well, yeah, I know
it's a long shot,
Uncle Frank,

but, what if
she finds out that
I'm like that Sybil chick

and I've got
multiple personalities?

I mean, like, one day
I'm a shrimp farmer
from New Orleans,

and the next day,
I'm a hairdresser
in Cleveland.

There can be
15 different personas
right up here in the old casaba.

Cody, I think if you had
15 different personalities,

we'd know about it by now.

Well, no, not necessarily,
Uncle Frank.

I mean, hey, what if
they're 15 different people,

but, they're all
exactly alike?

Good point. Good...
Good point.

Well, thanks to Cody,
I got a "D"
on my psychology project.

A "D?" No.
I'm doomed.

That's it, set the table
for 16 tonight, Uncle Frank.

I'm a total psycho.

That's what I thought.

But, according to
my psychology teacher,
you're normal

and I'm the one
who needs to
get my head examined.

Interesting turn of events.

Suddenly the
psychological disorder

is on the other foot,
Dr. Ruth?

Let me see that
paper there, Dana.

You're not going to
believe what that
idiot teacher wrote.

"Dear Miss Foster,

"just because your subject,
Cody Lambert,
gave some unusual answers,

"it doesn't mean he is,
as you put it, a 'nut case.'

"He seems to be
free thinking and creative.

"You, however,
are narrow minded
and judgmental.

"Get over it."

I like this guy.

Now if I want an "A"
in the class, I have to do
a make up paper.

I have to listen to
somebody's dreams for a week
and analyze them.

Pick me!
Me, me, me!

Pick me!
I'll do it, I'll do it!

No. I'm not
dealing with your
twisted mind any more.

But, wait,
I have great dreams.

Hey, just last night
I dreamed I was
a singer in Vegas

with the head of Zigfreid
and the body of Roy.

We'll return to Movie Classics

after a word
from our sponsor.

Honey,
this is gonna be
JT's commercial.

Howdy, folks. I'm Farmer JT
down at Leo's Auto World!

Our back forty is chock full of great deals.

We got cars,
we got trucks

and we got Lulu the cow for the little kids to ride on.

Come to Leo's
We've got cars

Our cars are priced
to moo-ve!

Ya'll come back now,
ya hear.

That's my boy.