Original subtitles

Good luck getting the egg yolk off of these dishes.

It's stuck on permanently, it looks like.

Yeah?

Egg yolk, gone...

-Frank. -Yeah.

I was just going over my calendar

and I noticed that this Saturday is the twelfth.

Yeah.

Guess what happened exactly three years ago on that date?

Is that when George Bush puked all over that Japanese guy?

No, it has something to do with us.

Well, I know it's not our anniversary,

'cause that's right around football season.

It's not your birthday, 'cause that's sometime near Spring Training.

I... I don't have a clue, honey.

It's kind of a dead sports time, you know.

Frank, Saturday is the anniversary of the first days we met.

You know, you never remember anything.

I'm beginning to think you're not very romantic.

Well, I think I was pretty darn romantic last night.

Asking me to play "Night Nurse and the Miracle Recovery?"

I don't think so.

Okay, I'll show you.

I am going to take you out for a romantic weekend.

Yeah. I know how this goes.

I have to find the hotel, I have to make all the reservations,

I have to prepare all the meals for the kids

No, no, no, no, no, no. All you have to do is show up and be romanced.

I'll take care of everything.

Although, if you do want to help,

you could bring along your nurse's uniform.

It's time for my annual checkup.

Bye, Daddy. We'll miss you.

Yeah, yeah, okay, I'm gonna miss you, too.

Here we go, okay.

-Bye... -Bye-bye

-Bye-bye -Bye-bye.

-Whoo, goodbye. -Goodbye.

-Goodbye, sweetheart. -Bye!

I love you all so much. I'll miss you all so much.

-Bye-bye, okay. -Be good, okay.

I love you. I love you.

Okay, they're gone. Brendan, break out the movie.

All right, Chainsaw Slumber Party II.

Yeah, all right... Ha, ha...

This is the movie critics called "totally repulsive."

Okay, everybody, prepare for carnage.

I think I'll pass.

There's something about seeing pretty girls with blood on their clothes

that makes me queasy.

Yeah, I'll pass, too.

There's something about spending time with JT that makes me queasy.

Hey, go take a flea bath, barky.

Are you gonna wimp out, too, wuss boy?

Why? These movies aren't scary.

The special effects are so cheesy and obvious.

Only a child would be frightened by a movie like this.

No way!

Chainsaw Slumber Party II.

Yeah, this movie scared me to death!

I don't know if you smaller fries should watch this.

How about a nice, animated musical instead?

Ewww, barf. Can't we watch this?

Well, okay, but once those limbs start flying,

you guys are gonna be begging me for some singing dwarfs.

Hey, guys, check it out!

The chainsaw dude's at the party.

He's hiding over by the food table.

Don't look now, but this meal is about to cost somebody

an arm and a leg.

Hey, you with the chainsaw.

I don't remember inviting you to this party.

Duck and cover! Incoming chainsaw!

Give me a break.

That looks nothing like human guts.

It's linguini with clam sauce.

- Dude, no one said it was Oscar material.

The only thing scary about this movie is that you guys paid to rent it.

You know, I bet if Mr. Logic Brain were in a house

and strange things started to happen, he'd be plenty scared.

Yeah.

Hey, why don't we find out? Let's play a little game called "Freak the Geek."

I don't know, cuz.

I saw this movie once,

it was called, The Revenge of the Guy Everybody Made Fun Of.

Dude got a flamethrower, I'm telling 'ya, nobody's laughing now.

So, you don't think it's a good idea to scare Mark?

Not unless you want to end up toasted like a marshmallow.

Anybody smell something burning?

No, I left the oven on in my van.

Dude, hope you guys like your brownies Cajun style.

You know, maybe Cody's right.

Maybe we shouldn't scare Mark. It might really mess him up.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Let's do it.

"Dear Producers of Baywatch,

"I loved your recent episode entitled Volleyball Vixens.

"Please send me a photo of Tanya,

"the wild girl from the canyons."

This is too easy.

Something wrong, Mark? You look a little paler than usual.

No, I'm fine.

I just thought I'd,

come downstairs and, watch some TV with you guys.

What are you watching?

- Bloodsucking Gravediggers. -Goodbye.

We got this little dweeb shaking in his shorts.

Yeah, wait 'til after he goes to sleep.

What was that for?

For arranging this whole weekend.

It really means a lot to me, Frank.

You see, I can be romantic.

And to prove it,

I brought along the tape of love songs

just to set the mood for the whole weekend.

Frank, I love this song.

Do you remember what we were doing the first time we heard this?

Frank!

Well, honey, you can't expect me to remember every little thing that happened to us?

They played this song at our wedding.

Was I there?

Come on, honey,

so a few of the little things slip my mind.

Hey, when it comes to the big, important things,

Frank Lambert has a memory like an elephant.

That's why I'm taking you to The Mountain Peak Lodge.

Remember the romantic weekend we spent there?

No.

So, now who's forgetful?

Frank, we never went to the Mountain Peak Lodge.

We went to the Mountain View Lodge,

but not the Mountain Peak Lodge.

You are totally wrong.

We spent a wonderful weekend there

in a big snowstorm. Remember?

-A few years back. -The snowstorm of '89?

-Exactly. -Frank, do you remember when we met?

Well, sure. June 1990.

Dear.

I don't believe this.

You were there with another woman, weren't you?

This gonna put a crimp in the weekend, honey?

You sure you don't have any rooms available?

Nothing?

Thanks anyway.

Honey, I have called every hotel in the area

and they're all booked up.

Well, I am not staying in a place

where my husband had a lovefest with another woman.

Come on, Carol.

So I stayed at this lodge with someone else.

That was before I met you. I have a past, you have a past.

Yes, but I didn't take you on a guided tour of my past.

Okay, I'm sorry. I messed up.

But don't let it ruin the whole weekend.

I mean, that was in the past

and we're here now,

and it's just you and me and we should be creating new memories.

- Well... - Come on, now.

Look, there's a beautiful fire in the fireplace

and I can order champagne...

Well, I guess I am being a little oversensitive.

It is so rare that we get away.

All right, let's just forget all about this stuff

and have the best weekend we've ever had.

Okay.

Bellman.

Hold that thought. Come in.

Welcome back, Mr. Lambert. Great to see you here again.

I think you've got me confused with somebody else.

Frank Lambert. Port Washington. Contractor.

I took the liberty of having the front desk

put you in the same cabin as last time.

Cabin number seven. Or, as we now call it, in your honor,

"The Love Shack."

Anything else I can do?

No, no, you've, you've done enough here.

Nice to see you again, Tammy. Weren't you a redhead?

No, and my name is Carol. And I'm his wife...

at least until I find a lawyer.

Taking the wife to the same place you took the old girlfriend.

Not real smooth, chief.

Get out! Go, go, go, move, go!

Golly, honey, you know,

a couple years from now, we're gonna look back on this and you're gonna laugh.

'Cause that's one of the things I really love about you, is your sense of humor.

I think you have me confused with Tammy the laughing redhead.

Where, where are you going, honey?

I am going for a walk.

That's a good idea. I'll come with you.

Or I... I could stay here...

JT?

JT?

JT! Wake up!

Brendan! Brendan!

- You guys having as much fun as I am?

Call 911! Call 911!

A monster killed JT.! And there's hands and there's blood.

And there's everything and...

-Mark, slow down. -And JT got...

right with a knife...

-Dude, chill. -And there's blood and everything...

Okay, now, listen to me very carefully.

There are no monsters, okay?

Those dudes are just messing with your head because you bagged on their movie, okay?

Wait a minute.

You mean, this was just all a trick?

Like the time they buttered the toilet seat?

Well, that's about the size of it.

Well, I'm going to trot right back up there

and give them a severe tongue lashing.

Mark, wait.

I got a better idea.

What's that?

Well, as the Chinese philosopher,

Confucius, once said, "Bu yow shun chee. Yyee yah whan yah,"

right?

Cody, I don't speak Chinese.

No way, was I talking Chinese?

Aw, dude.

Well, what I meant to say was, "Don't get mad, get even."

Yeah, maybe we should have a little

"chainsaw slumber party" of our own.

I'm all ears, Cody.

Yeah, well, one problem at a time there, little dude.

-Hi. -Hi.

Frank, I don't want to fight.

I know you didn't do this on purpose.

You were just trying to be romantic and you made a few mistakes.

So you're not mad at me?

No.

But I'm not going to be happy staying in this place.

Why don't we just get in the car and go home.

Okay, okay, but before we go, can I show you something I brought along?

It's from our past and it means a lot to me.

All right, Frank, but it better be from our past.

Because if it's anymore of this Tammy memorabilia,

you are a dead man.

No, I ... I'm sure this belongs to you.

It's the dress you were wearing the first time I saw you.

I wanted to have a candlelit dinner and you wear that

so I could remind myself how lucky I am to be with you.

Frank, this isn't the dress I wore the first time we met.

I didn't say the first time we met, honey.

I said the first time I saw you.

Well, aren't they the same?

No. I may forget a lot of things,

but I definitely remember this.

It was at the County Fair

and I'd taken the kids and I was just about to take a picture of them

when this woman in a cotton summer dress walked by

like something out of a dream,

and I thought to myself, "That is the most beautiful woman

"I have ever seen."

And she had the most incredible smile.

So, I asked around

and found out that she owned this beauty salon.

So, I called up and made an appointment to get my haircut.

'Cause I had to see her again.

Really?

Why else would a construction worker get his hair cut in a beauty salon?

Carol, from the first moment I saw you,

I knew you were the only woman in the world for me.

Frank, I love you.

I love you, too.

Frank, look.

It's ten forty-five.

Do you know what happened to us at exactly

ten forty-five one night?

My God... no.

What?

Nothing...yet.

Love Shack!!

If you set foot in this room, you won't have a foot.

Relax, Brendan. It's just the TV.

What's going on?

Brendan forgot to turn off the TV.

I did not!

Who cares? Just turn it off.

Nice going, lamebrain. You blew a fuse.

Relax, all right. I'll get the flashlight and go fix it.

Hurry up. It's creepy down here with the lights out.

Cut it out, JT. That's not funny.

It's not me.

It's coming from over there.

Maybe we should get Cody.

Yeah, great idea.

Let's get the guy who was afraid to go to the bathroom alone after the movie.

- No! - We're trapped.

We're gonna die!

We gotcha, dudes!

Yeah, and it was really great. You guys are just a bunch of scared little weenies.

Okay, Dana, you can take your mask off now.

My God. Who is that?

Yeah, if that's Dana, then who's...

You'll find out.

Thanks, Tracy.

No problem.

That worked like a charm.

I love being the smartest person in this house.

And action.

Frank...

I want to know who's up there with her...

And action, Chris.

Wow, Tanya really was the wild girl from the canyons.

Boy, I hope I don't have to scratch my nose.

You know, the oatmeal's stuck to the bowls.

Why don't you just fire up the blow torch?

That's not a bad idea.

Guess I shouldn't have asked for a raise.