All language subtitles for Nathan For You S01E05 Haunted House The Hunk.DVDRip.HI.en.COMCNTL

My name is Nathan Fielder,

and I graduated from one of
Canada's top business schools

with really good grades.

Now, I'm using my knowledge

to help struggling
small business owners

make it in this
competitive world.

This is Nathan For You.

There's nothing people
like more than being scared.

- Well, yeah, I like my...
- Whoa!

Oh, my god.

That's why, when
October swings around,

haunted houses are big business.

Bruce Stanton is the
owner of Reign of Terror,

an annual haunted house
in Thousand Oaks, California.

We have a perfect environment
to set you up to be scared.

NATHAN: But after
taking a walk-through

of the supposedly scary mansion,

I came out less than impressed.

Hi.

So I talked to Bruce one
on one about an idea I had

to help his business.

What is the best press a
haunted house can get?

That it's so scary,
someone peed their pants.

No.

Pee is one thing.

I want your haunted
house to be so scary

that someone sues
you for being too scary.

I don't know that we
want people to sue us.

NATHAN: If the Reign of Terror
was sued for being too scary,

that news would
attract thrill-seekers

from around the world.

The plan, get customers
to sue by making them think

that they're
really going to die.

No, because I think that
would be going too far.

Well, your current
approach could get press too.

Yes.

By being the world's
least scary haunted house.

I don't think that's the
approach we want, but...

Well, that's the approach it
seems like you're currently taking.

No, we are a scary...

"Reign of Terror. Where
pussies go to relax."

Oh, okay.

Or, "Reign of Terror,
you're probably going to die."

You mean in the haunted
house, we paint a picture

That their death is... Imminent.

- Yes.
- Okay.

To scare people enough
that they would sue,

I explained to Bruce that we
needed to convince customers

they somehow contracted a
disease they're likely to die from.

Bruce reluctantly agreed
to let me try it out for a day.

And after a week of preparation,
my actors were ready.

It was time for people to enter
the world's scariest haunted house.

Well, thanks for coming
to the Reign of Terror.

- Oh, we're excited.
- You're excited?

Yeah, man.

- I have to warn you before you go in.
- Oh, dang.

This haunted house
is extremely scary.

- I like the sound of that.
- Are you sure?

- Yeah.
- All right welcome to the Reign of Terror.

You first.

- (AIR HISSING)
- (SHRIEKS)

Ooh...

- Mommy.
- Hells yeah...

- You're my mommy.
- (SCREAMS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

- (CHAINSAW BUZZING)
- (SCREAMS)

- (GROWLS)
- Aah!

(ROARS)

(EVIL LAUGH)

(LAUGHS)

Sorry, one sec. What? Who?

- Who? Her?
- Yeah.

Sorry, can you come with me?

Sorry, guys.

- Were you guys scared in there?
- Yeah.

So sorry, did she touch
you by any chance?

Or was there a...

Um, I think she probably
touched my neck.

- Mommy!
- (SCREAMS)

(SLOW-MOTION LAUGHTER)

I usually wear my glasses

and this time I didn't,
and I overshot the grab

and I was supposed
to not touch you.

- Wait, sorry, just...
- Sorry.

Can you guys wait in here one
sec? Yeah. Sorry, one second.

- What is it called?
- It's called Klein's disease.

- And it's an immunity...
- Klein disease?

- Klein's disease.
- So what's the problem?

She has an auto-immune thing.

She worried when
she touched you,

- she transmitted something to you.
- Mmm-hmm.

So don't freak out or anything,

but I called an ambulance.

Paramedics are
coming to make sure.

They'll look at you,
it's just precautionary.

- So just hold tight. Thank you so much.
- No problem.

I hope you had a good time.

- Sorry about this.
- It's all good.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

Uh, just in here.

Do you have any
cuts or anything?

I don't think so. I don't
look back there a lot.

(LAUGHTER)

Okay, do you mind if I just...

We should definitely get
her checked out, if that's...

- Yeah.
- "Checked out" in what way?

Like, at a hospital
with a doctor for sure,

for Klein's.

(SIRENS WAILING)

PARAMEDIC: To my
knowledge, it's pretty serious.

Basically, if you've got a
cut, and you're touched,

and you have any
sort of open wound,

you know, touched an
orifice... Your eye, your mouth,

or anything like that.

- Jeez.
- Yeah.

It can be contracted, so...

Is this like AIDS?
Is it, like, worse?

Well, it is an immune
deficiency disease.

(SIGHS)

Yeah?

- Okay.
- What's that mean?

MAN: Oh, hell no.

How are we doing?

At this time it's a
precautionary measure.

That's all it is.

It's a first stage,
we're gonna have you

checked out right here, okay?

- Are you a doctor?
- Yeah.

- You're a doctor?
- I am, yes.

I need her to come outside with
me, and we're gonna move on

to another stage where
there's more doctors.

- Why are you in this suit?
- Is it serious?

It's for my... Yes, sir,
it is serious, please.

No! What is going
on? We all have this!

If he's wearing
this, we all have it.

- I understand that.
- What is this thing?

- Sir...
- It's for my safety.

Why don't we have what he has?

No! Why does he
have a biohazard suit?

No, wait. Hold on, hold on.

- No, no, no.
- Hold on, hold on.

She's not going nowhere
till you explain, man.

- What's going on?
- Yeah! What's going on?

She's not going nowhere.
She's touching me.

We're gonna walk right outside.

- Let's walk right outside.
- Okay.

I want an explanation,
that's all I'm asking for.

- All right.
- Nice.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Hope you guys enjoyed
the haunted house.

- (LAUGHS)
- You guys enjoy it in there?

- That was different.
- Wow.

- That was different?
- I was not expecting that.

- This right here is a lawyer.
- Hello.

- Peter.
- Peter.

- Peter Marx.
- Mo.

- Mo. And you are?
- I'm Mira.

Mira.

So if you found the
haunted house too scary,

and you want to
press any legal action

against the haunted
house, he can talk to you...

We can talk and
see. Under the law,

you have claims for what
we call "intentional infliction

"of emotional distress."

Or even "negligent infliction
of emotional distress."

I don't want to create
problems that don't exist,

but if you have those
concerns, feel free to call me.

You don't have to, it's
only if you're comfortable.

NATHAN: After running
several more customers

through my version
of the haunted house...

Hey, mom, it's Jordan.

Um, actually I have
to go to the hospital.

There was somebody
with a disease.

Now, I'm not trying to
create a lawsuit here,

I just, you have certain
rights under California law.

NATHAN: I paid Bruce
a visit to follow up.

What did you think?

Well, it's completely
impractical for a haunted house.

But people were scared.

Yeah, I don't
know, I couldn't tell.

We had a lawyer there
at the exit that thinks,

you know, some people
might have a case.

Peter? Do you wanna come in?

- Hello.
- Hi, this is Bruce.

- Peter.
- He runs the haunted house.

Nice to meet you.

So some of these
people have a case, right?

Well, some of them
were apprehensive

and I'm not trying to get
you in a lot of trouble...

But you want to sue.

I want to sue for legitimate
claims, absolutely.

And this is a legitimate claim?

Well, it could be.
And, uh, we'll see.

- All right.
- All right, thanks so much.

All right.

Well, I'm glad I... You
know, could have helped

and done this for you.

Took a good haunted house and...

Not made it any better.

Well, I'm trying
to get you press.

Okay.

NATHAN: In the end, the scariest
thing about the haunted house

was Bruce's terrible manners.

But when someone's rude to
you, you can't take it personally.

You just have to keep going.

When you look at me,
you probably see a guy

who has it all.

But really, there's a large
part of me that's immature

and under-developed.

Especially when it
comes to women.

Every girl I liked
growing up rejected me.

And because of that,
I've grown into a man

who's chronically
nervous around women.

I'm an emotional midget.

Now, if someone came
to me with this problem,

I'd suggest immersion therapy,
where you overwhelm yourself

with your fear in
order to overcome it.

So tonight, to inspire you,

I'm going to attempt to overcome
my fear of the opposite sex

by dating not one, but ten
women at the same time.

Wish me luck.

I needed to get ten
women to agree to date me,

so I thought it would be easy to
start with someone I work with.

So...

You know how I'm doing
the thing on the show

where I'm dating, like, ten
women at the same time?

- Yeah.
- Are you in a relationship right now?

- Yes.
- Okay.

Um...

So... Sorry, never
mind. I was stupid to ask.

NATHAN: It didn't work,
and I knew from experience

that women just wouldn't stop
and talk to me without an excuse.

So I found one.

Excuse me, would
you like to try our new

blueberry-raspberry smoothie?

Come on, just one?

Would you like to try our new
raspberry-blueberry smoothies?

Uh, I'm just kidding, actually. I
don't work here. My name's Nathan.

I'm just doing this as
a way to break the ice

and show my personality.

- Oh.
- I'm just trying to meet people and...

No.

I'm just drinking
my own smoothie

that I bought from here.

But I like drinking my smoothie
out of little cups on a tray.

That's how I like to
drink my smoothie.

Okay, well I think I'm
allowed to drink my smoothie

wherever I want.

You need to move this.

- Hey!
- You need to move this.

You cannot touch
my tray, that is crazy!

The smoothie thing was
too gimmicky anyways,

and it felt the same way
when I used a cute dog.

- Do you like my dog?
- Yeah.

- Say hi.
- Hi.

But just when I
was ready to quit,

it hit me.

I had a major girl
magnet at my disposal

that I was totally ignoring.

NATHAN: A television crew.

It was a crazy idea, but
maybe women would date me

just for the
opportunity to be on TV.

I had my solution.

I was going to create
a fake reality show

in which 10 women would
vie for the heart of one man.

Me.

It would be called The Hunk.

It took weeks to prepare
as we sorted through

the countless submissions
from women to my online ad.

Oh, I like her.

But pretty soon we selected
the ten women I would need,

hired a host, and
rented a mansion.

No one knew my show
was fake, not even the host.

And it was about to begin.

I'm Anthony Napoli.

Tonight, ten women
will gather in this house

to vie for the heart of one man.

Will they find love? Will
they find their soul mate?

I'm Anthony Napoli.
This is The Hunk.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)

- Hi.
- You ready, Nathan?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so.

- A little bit nervous?
- Um, kinda, yeah.

Well, it's time to
meet the women.

Where... What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna stand here, and
introduce you to all the women.

Could you maybe,
um, be inside for that?

I'll have...

Just because you're very
handsome compared to me.

- I understand that, Nathan.
- Could you be inside?

- I'll have to be here.
- If you're next to me,

they're gonna love
you more than...

Nathan, you're the
hunk, I'm the host.

- Women must love you, right?
- Eh...

- Yes?
- I guess they do.

How many women
have you slept with?

Eh...

Not that many.

- Have you ever had a threesome?
- I have, yes.

Okay, so... Yeah,
go inside, please.

Would you... You would
like me to step inside?

Yeah. You can't
be out here at all.

- No, that's all right.
- Okay, can you go inside?

- Sure.
- Okay. Thank you.

NATHAN: I realized too late
that hiring a handsome host

was a bad idea.

But even with Tony in the
house, when the women arrived,

I got super-nervous.

Hi, I'm Emily. Nice to meet you.

Oh, Nathan. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

- So exciting.
- Yeah. It is, huh?

- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- Yeah.

(SIGHS) This is fun.

- Yeah.
- (LAUGHS)

- Yeah.
- Totally, um...

Um...

- It was so nice to meet you.
- Yeah, okay.

Thanks.

Um, do you want to
go... We can talk after.

- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah... All right, cool.

For the first bit,
just saying hi.

Yeah.

NATHAN: Even though
I was nervous at first...

I love a man in a good suit.

- Oh, okay.
- Mmm-hmm.

That's nice.

As I met more and
more of the women,

I found my confidence growing.

We have snacks
inside and stuff, too.

- We eat pretty good.
- Awesome.

This was all so cool, 'cause
it was just like The Bachelor.

I really like guys who have
black hair and white skin.

- It's, like, my...
- You don't like, uh...

- Blonds?
- Like black guys, or...

(LAUGHS) Um, I just...

- Well, we'll talk more inside.
- Okay.

I had never had this
much attention in my life

and the only thing I
had to do to attract them

was to create a fake show.

The logic didn't really
make sense to me,

but it was working,

and I was gonna
take advantage of this

to try to get over my
nervousness around women.

(ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS)

Ladies...

I'm your host, Anthony Napoli.

Now is your chance to
mingle and get to know

your hunk, Nathan.

(MURMURING) Are
you gonna go up there?

Where you gonna be?

- You want me to leave again?
- Yeah.

- Maybe go in there?
- You're kidding, right?

No.

You want me to
leave the room again?

- Yeah.
- Up here?

- Sure.
- All right.

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- All right.

(ALL GIGGLING)

Let's get this
party started, huh?

- (POP)
- (ALL SCREAM)

- Yes! Oh!
- Oh.

ALL: Oh...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What did you guys
think of the host?

He was saying he
had a threesome.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah, with two guys.

- With two guys?
- Yeah.

I'm, like, "Okay, thanks
for telling me that.

"I don't really want to know."

- (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah.

I mean... So weird.

NATHAN: I was having
fun dating all the women.

But I began to find it hard
to tell if they really liked me

or had other motivations
for being here.

Well, I'm working on
my album right now.

- My Christian music album.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Can I hear a song or...

♪ People make it seem

♪ That everyone is cool

♪ With being alone ♪

My album is coming
out this year, so...

My name is L.A.

My album is gonna
be called L.A.X.

And it's gonna be
coming out this year.

My Twitter is @la...

NATHAN: And I was soon
reminded that most of these girls

were just here to be on TV.

So I tried my best to
find out how these women

truly felt about me.

Do you like me?

- Yeah.
- Um, do you love me?

(LAUGHING) Oh, God!
I can't... That's such...

How can I tell the first...

Uh, love, I need to learn
the person first of course.

Yeah.

I mean, I'd hate to
eliminate you so soon.

- So maybe I should ask again.
- Oh, do I love you?

- Yeah.
- I love you.

- But you do?
- I do.

I like him. He's a
really nice person.

But, yeah, I love him, so...

NATHAN: But as the night
went on, I realized it didn't matter

why they were here.

We were both getting
what we wanted.

I got to work through my
nervousness around women...

- Sorry, I'm kind of shaking.
- Don't be nervous.

(LAUGHS) Don't be
nervous, that's so cute.

(LAUGHS)

And they got to be on TV.

I would love to have everyone
introduced to Kangen Water.

This water is one of
the best waters out there.

It has a pH of 9.5.

NATHAN: I'd never
been that good of a flirt,

but I had the opportunity
to practice with so many

beautiful girls.

You have beautiful
eyes and beautiful lips,

and lovely hair,
and your style is...

Wonderful.

Oh... Thanks, Nate.

(AWKWARD LAUGH)

So tell me your
deepest, darkest secret.

My deepest, darkest secret is...

I don't like wearing socks.

That's great.

NATHAN: But as
the night progressed...

Oh, cool.

Magic.

My flirting skills
drastically improved.

Do you ride
motorcycles? I mean...

I don't ride a motorcycle,
but I am a bit of a bad boy.

But what happened next I
would have never expected.

I like motorcycles, actually.
Do you ride motorcycles?

I don't ride a motorcycle,
but I am a bit of a bad boy.

Oh, okay.

That might be just... I
mean, we've only been talking

for a few minutes.

We might be moving
just a little bit fast for me.

I just prefer to take
things a little slower.

Mmm, no.

It's still too soon.

We need to take
things slow. We just met.

It's okay.

NATHAN: In that moment,
everything changed.

I wasn't ready to move
as quick as she was,

but I finally knew what it was
like to have a woman come to me.

I realized I didn't
have to do crazy stunts

to get women to like me,
I just had to be myself...

Inside a
$5,000-per-night mansion

with a TV crew filming me.

But for a guy like me, who's gone
through an entire lifetime of rejection,

knowing that I was desirable
was all I needed to no longer

be nervous around women.

I had accomplished my goal.

So I gathered all the
women to tell them

that the show was over.

I have accomplished my goal,
and that means unfortunately

there's no longer a reason
for this show, The Hunk,

to continue.

(WHISPERING) Are you serious?

(SCOFFS)

Question. So you
really... You really...

Um, did you get your...

You got, you got what you
wanted from dating all the girls?

You got your fear met?

Um, I think...

I think it helped me
overcome it, yes.

Why?

I'm just wondering.

But others were happy for me.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

I had accomplished
what I set out to do,

but there was still one
thing I had to make right.

Earlier, Tony shared a
personal story with me.

- Have you ever had a threesome?
- I have, yes.

And I accidentally told
it to some of the women.

He was saying he had a
threesome with two guys.

- With two guys?
- Yeah.

And now I wanted to apologize.

I'm realizing now,
perhaps it was wrong

to bring up Tony's
personal experience he had

in the comfort of his
own home with two men.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

- I already heard the story.
- Yeah. Yeah, the threesome.

- Him with two guys?
- Yeah.

Oh, but not with two guys.

Well, was it one guy, one girl?

- Or was it two girls?
- Nah.

- Why is that important?
- Exactly. That's not important.

And even if he did,
it's his own business.

- Yeah, we don't care.
- Yeah, we don't care.

- Yeah.
- It's all good.

So I apologize for that,

and I don't want to
have any hard feelings...

- No hard feelings.
- Between us.

- Yeah, all right.
- All right.

Your nerves are all gone?

He's a great guy. He really is.

From what you know of.

- Oh, you're not?
- No, I'm a great guy.

Why'd you say, "from
what you know of"?

Well, from what you know of me.

Yeah, but I just
called you a great guy.

Why are you
arguing against that?

Are you a good guy?

As the women were leaving,
I felt confident in myself,

knowing that if I ever
wanted to find love...

Thank you.

I could just create a fake
reality show all over again.

Ah!

Were you scared?

I built the haunted house,

so I know where
everything is, so...

- So, yes?
- So, no.

Oh.

All right... Pretty good.