Original subtitles

Sameer...

Cooking gas...?

Auntie! Auntie!

That's good, auntie

Hey auntie! Wake up!

Sameer, forgive me. I'm Ieaving you

Sure, you're forgiven! Now wake up!

I wish you were a heart-specialist instead of an orthopedician...

- you'd have understood my anguish. - I understand all your anguish!

Now come on! Wake up!

Please, Sameer... one Iast time

Who are you? And what are you doing here?

Strange girl! She first hugs me and then yells at me!

- How did you get in? - Ungrateful girl!

Like a hero! I broke through the window. You Ieft the cooking-gas on

Had I not got here on time, you'd have been dead by now

Why did you save me? You should've Iet me die!

I see! A suicide case!

- Sameer's not the reason, is he? - How did you guess?

Auntie! He's the one whose name was on your Iips when you clung to me!

Don't even utter his name. I'm very angry with him

Why? Is there another girl in Uncle's Iife?

- Another girl? He's a married man! - You've fallen for a married man?

He's very honest and straightforward. He hid nothing from me

- That's why I Iove him. - Uncle sure has it made!

- By the way, I'm Pyare Mohan. - Hi!

But you can call me Pyare (dear one). Your friendly neighbour

I've just arrived from Delhi. I'm struggling to become a film-star!

I'm Sonia, a model. And Sameer's a bone-specialist

- It's Iate now. Good night. - Wait, wait, wait

Here's Sameer's card. Please call him and tell him that I'm still alive

And that there's no need for him to meet me

Sure, I'II call him

Good night, Pyare

This is Naina, from Dr Malhotra's clinic. What's happening?

Why haven't the X-rays arrived? Please hurry up

Thai Pavilion? Dr Malhotra's clinic. His food hasn't arrived yet

It's one already. Please make it quick

- Excuse me, ma'am. - Yes?

- How much time will it take? - Your turn's next. In 5 minutes

Please be seated

- And when's my turn coming, darling? - You...? What is it?

Do I say it right here, or do we go out?

- What on earth do you want? - You!

You know, had you not been the doctor's friend...

I wouldn't ever Iet you get into this clinic

You won't Iet me into the clinic, your hearth, your heart...

are you some sort of watchdog?

- Now Iook... - I could Iook all my Iife

Right now, the doctor is examining a patient

I know what sort of patient he examines!

Well? What ailment is it?

The moment I see you, I go weak in the knees

- Calcium deficiency. - There's a pain in my Iower-back

- You suffer a slipped-disc. - My heart keeps hammering away

- Have your cholesterol checked. - The whole of my body's on fire!

- Looks Iike you're running a fever. - Hey... don't spin a yarn

Now hurry up and come in my arms! Please!

How can I control myself? This is no wafer... it's a proper girl!

Listen... do you know? I'm a married man

So...? When have I asked you to divorce your wife?

But you must atleast keep meeting me Iike old times

- I will. But not now. - When?

- Next June. - Now!

- June! - Now!

Naina!

Let go! Somebody help me! Naina!

Let go! Let go!

For God's sake! I'm a married man!

Heave ho!

- Are you all right? - How dare you!

- But I was only helping you. - Is this what you call help?

Doctor, tell your friend to behave himself! Insolent!

- How do you tolerate her? - I'm tolerating this one...

I'm controlling myself... what a great character I have!

- Couldn't you find a proper nurse? - Catch you Iater!

There can't be a better nurse than Naina

She takes care of the clinic, of my food... everything

Like a good wife. The only difference is...

after work, she goes to her own house. And I head for Sonia's place

Great setting! Mind-blowing!

"Sameer, by the time you read this, I will not be in this world - Sonia"

Doctor! You've got mail!

Send the male out. Send the female in!

- It's from Sonia, doctor. - Really? What does it say?

"By the time you read this message, I won't be in this world - Sonia"

- Sorry, sorry... - Sonia!

- Doctor, how about your appointments? - Cancel all my appointments!

Hello! Pyare here. Tell Doctor Uncle that Sonia's still alive

Sonia's still alive...? Doctor!

- Dr Sameer...? - Later, Iater

- Where has the doctor gone? - I don't know

And what are you doing?

How about playing doctor-doctor in there?

Hey! What are you doing?

- I knew it! I knew it! - What did you know?

You know how many patients I've Ieft behind? And you...?

You're not even dead! You're merrily sipping coffee

I'm sorry. It hurts you to see me alive, isn't it?

I know what your problem is! I didn't come to your fashion show Iast night

But how could I? I had an emergency case to attend!

The poor guy had seventeen fractures in his Ieg

He came Iimping to me... in agony!

Should I have attended to him or watched you on the ramp...?

Lies! You went out with your wife

What? When I hate that woman, how can I ever go out with her?

Give that a thought! Think it over!

Hey! Who's that? And why's he getting in from the window?

I'm mending what I wrecked yesterday

Sameer, that's Pyare. My new neighbour

In that case, stay in your house

Why get into the neighbour's place through the window?

That too, half-clad?

So you're Doctor Uncle, the bone-specialist!

See? Sonia's alive. Had I not arrived on time yesterday, Sonia would have...

- Really? - Really?

Everything else Iater. But Iet me at Ieast thank you first, Pyare-ji

Thank you, thank you...

- Bye Pyare. - Bye

Such a grown up girl and you were out to kill yourself because of me?

In this day and age, girls claim Iives. They don't Iay down their own

I'm just a bone-specialist. An orthopedic surgeon

And not a very good one at that. I'm not God to save you!

Play mindgames with your boyfriend. Only mindgames

Pretend to die... but don't really die

Please don't die

Sameer... who do I have except you?

But I'm here for you, am I not? I'm here for you!

- I'II marry you. - No, I know you won't marry me

- Of course, I will! - No! I say you will not

What I mean is that I will. I will marry you

- Really? - Absolutely

Lay off, you fraud and cheat!

- I'II never Iet your scheme work! - Who's that? Pyare...?

Was he saying that to me? To me...?

Calm down, Sameer. Pyare's just a struggling actor

- He's rehearsing his Iines. - Really?

But how will you marry me? You already have a wife

- I'm going to divorce the wretch! - I've seen through you, you fraud!

You Iove playing with the Iives of innocent girls...? Rogue!

Rogue...? He said that to me!

Oh no, it's nothing. It's nothing

What are you doing? Someone might see us

- Who? - Pyare

Where did Pyare spring from in our romance?

Looks Iike we'II have to spend the week-end out of town!

"This girl has made off with my heart..."

"in just a glimpse, she has given me the high of Iove"

"I want to spend the rest of my Iife with you..."

"oh my Iove"

"This girl has made off with my heart..."

"in just a glimpse, she has given me the high of Iove"

"I want to spend the rest of my Iife with you..."

"oh my Iove"

"My heart is smitten by you"

"My heart is smitten by you, I'm bowled over by you"

"Your charms are indeed fatal, sweetheart"

"Without as much as a word, you've said everything, darling"

"in just a glimpse, you have given me the high of Iove"

"I want to spend the rest of my Iife with you..."

"oh my Iove"

"Sweetheart, your heartbeat..."

"Ever since our hearts are beating together..."

"it feels as if Spring has arrived in my Iife"

"Without as much as a word, you've said everything, darling"

"in just a glimpse, you have given me the high of Iove"

"I want to spend the rest of my Iife with you..."

"oh my Iove"

You're a greater singer. I hope you can cook as well?

Of course, why not?

When we can sing a duet together, we can even cook up a meal together

You and I

No, no. That's your right. I can't snatch it from you

You're the one who'II handle the cooking

Hello. Sorry to disturb you. I'm from the management

- How did you find Maldives? - Beautiful

- Shazia... you? - You are...?

- Sameer Malhotra! - Oh my God! How are you?

I'm okay

Sonia, she's my friend Avinash's wife

- How's the old rascal? - Your friend has divorced me

- Oh, I'm sorry. - But I'm not

There came another girl into your friend's Iife, and he walked out on me

Anyway, please enjoy yourselves. And Iet me know if you need anything

- Thank you. - Okay

The scoundrel! The two-timing rascal!

He was a bad photographer anyway. He also turned out to be a bad husband

Why? You're also Ieaving your wife, aren't you?

But mine is a different case. Altogether different

What's different? Now Iook, Sameer. I want to meet your wife

You want to meet my wife! What for? Why?

Didn't you see the pain in Shazia's eyes?

I don't want to hurt someone to win over my Iove

- I've got to meet her once. - Look, it's not possible

- Why not? - When I say it's not, it's not!

- Because... - Because what?

Because... once you get the toothpaste out of a tube...

you can't put it back in

And my wife's a gone-case! She's not coming back

- You'II take me to her if you Iove me! - How? I'm not even married!

- There's no wife! - What...?

You mean you Iied to me, Sameer?

I fell in Iove with you because I thought you were an honest man!

But you've turned out to be Iike all the other men! I hate you!

Hating me is all right. But who are the other men...?

Who are the other men?

As if anyone commits suicide in such shallow waters!

Sonia!

The water's very deep, Sonia! You're going to drown!

I'II introduce you to my wife! I will... please come out!

Sameer... wake up

When are you introducing me to your wife?

When are you introducing me to your wife? When...?

I will introduce you... Iet the plane Iand first!

I'II introduce her to you tomorrow morning

I promise, I will. Please go to sleep

Hello, doctor!

I'm not a doctor, I'm a nurse

- Are you not a doctor? - No

The doctor's on his way. But what's your problem?

Problem...? It's my Iegs! It's Iike they're not there at all

- But how come you're...? - Let's skip the details

It's a painful story. Your ear-drums will explode if you hear it

- Really? So Iet's skip it then. - No, how can we skip it?

Since you've mentioned it, Iet's get on with it now!

I was in the army during the Kargil war

Can you see the scenario?

During the Kargil war, I got right into Lahore...

my gun, spitting fire! Soon I saw, I had run out of ammo...

and the war was also over! I was caught

For twenty days, they hung me upside down...

and kept hitting me in my Iegs with sticks!

However...

Iook at my spirit!

My bones were creaking... but I didn't utter a word!

- Control yourself. - Good morning, Naina

Good morning, doctor! This is... what name did you say?

- Thapa. - Yes. Thapa was in the army

- The enemy broke his Iegs. - So you weren't born with the handicap?

- No. - What's the matter with you then?

What will I say to you, doctor...?

There's just no sensation or feeling in my Iower-half!

Everything can rise, but not my Iegs! They refuse to work!

They'II work in a moment. Give those crutches to me

- C'mon, follow me. - Hey...

- I can't walk! - I know you can do it! C'mon!

- A soldier of the Indian army! - C'mon over... very good! Bravo!

You're almost there... very good! Yes, yes...

Thanks for the support

No problem. Hold this

But where does every girl think Iike you?

People poke fun at me! They call me a cripple and a twisted man!

But you're so different... and the most beautiful

Nobody will say that you ever again. Now Iie down, I want to examine you

Time's a problem today. I mustjoin my regiment's pizza party...

I'II come some other day

Amazing guys, these soldiers. AII they need is some motivation

Sameer, when are you introducing me to your wife?

- Tell me... - Doctor...

- Why's he Iooking at me Iike that? - Very soon

- In fact, you'II meet her tomorrow. - Sure?

Hundred per cent. Bye, Sonia

What's gotten into him all of a sudden?

- Naina... - Yes?

Have you arranged for some Iunch?

I've ordered your favourite from the Thai Pavilion

Cancel that order! You and I are going out for Iunch

Are you really talking to me?

Yes. There's no else around. Is there, Naina?

No, but in the Iast five years, you've never... I mean...

Sure, five years. But I've finally invited you, see?

- I'm famished. Shall we go? - Of course, Iet me change and come!

Where to...?

- In there, of course. I'm sorry. - What a yawn!

Isn't it amazing? I invited you to Iunch...

you chose the restaurant and even ordered the food

- Guess why. - Why?

That's because you've gotten to know me so well

And I don't know anything about you. So tell me something about your Iife, Naina

- About my Iife...? - Yes

- Mine's a very interesting Iife, doctor - Really?

From 10 in the morning to 8 in the evening, I'm with you at the clinic

At 8:30, I get home and bathe till 9

From 9 to 9:30 I cook, and finish my dinner by 10

At ten I start watching the Discovery channel... and I go to sleep

At 6 in the morning, Ramu arrives and wakes me up Iovingly and...

- Ramu? - The milkman

At 7, I get ready and Ieave for work at 8

From ten to eight, I spend time at the clinic with you...

- Listen, sir, it's interesting... - Oh yes, very interesting Iife, Naina!

Why do I get the feeling that if I ever faced a problem in Iife...

- you'd surely help me out? - You're not wrong at all, doctor

You can try me out anytime

That's exactly why I've called you here today

- Naina... - Yes?

Will you be my wife?

I...?

She's actually blushing!

Naina, Naina... it's only for half an hour

Say 15 minutes?

Okay! 10 minutes!

- Are you kidding...? - No, I'm terribly serious

Aren't you ashamed? You've flirted with so many girls and now...

- you think I'm one of them? - No! You're getting it all wrong!

- AII wrong! - You made it so clear...

- and you say I'm getting it wrong? - Don't you know...?

I tell every girl that I'm a married man

Is anyone Iistening...?

- So they won't cling to me Iater. - That is your problem

No, that's not my problem. My problem is that I've fallen in Iove with Sonia

- And she wants to meet my wife, who... - Just doesn't exist

- I can't do it, doctor. - Why not?

Why not! Because I can't deceive someone!

- But this is not deceiving... - I say, I can't do it. And that's it!

Please! For the sake of my happiness!

No, doctor. Your happiness Iies in your own hands

AII I hold in my hands is your appointments diary...

the patients' Iist and the things you use... or want to use

Thank you for the Iunch, sir

Where will I get a wife for half an hour...?

Sonia, my wife died Iast night. I buried her this morning!

That won't work... so what am I going to do?

Aunt! We want an ice-cream!

Give them what they want, please

Listen, don't go anywhere. I'II be back in a moment, okay?

- Don't move. Okay? Promise? - Promise

Bye.. come back soon!

- Mrs Naina Malhotra. - Hi, I'm Sonia. Nice to meet you

Very nice to meet you. Sameer said you wanted to meet me

That's right. Shall we move there and have a chat?

Sameer said the two of you want to get married?

That's right. But unless you... you understand what I mean, no?

Oh, of course! The divorce papers are ready. It'II come through soon enough

- Don't worry. - I'm sorry, but...

I can't tell you how happy I am!

But you're not sad... are you, Mrs Malhotra?

Oh, call me Naina!

So far, I've Iived only for Sameer. And now, I want to Iive for myself

I want my freedom

- May I ask you a question? - Sure. Please!

- Do you really Iove Sameer? - I can even die for him

- In fact, I even tried to twice. - Really?

Will you ever be able to forget Sameer?

Oh yes, here's this man I've spent years with...

Iooked after his food habits, his small needs...

picked up his handkerchiefs, put up with his Iifestyle...

it's going to be a bit difficult. But that's okay, don't worry about it

Naina, you're very sweet

- For you. - No, I can't take it

You must. It's a gift from me. Please keep it

Thank you

- You're very sweet too. - Thank you

Sameer's a Iucky guy. Thank you

Here I come... hold on!

I'm so sorry! I'm Iate, ain't I?

Since you're angry with me, I'II eat up the ice-cream!

C'mon, c'mon! Let's go

Looks Iike she's taking a bath. A bath!

Bathing in there, Sonia? Wouldn't it be fun...

if you and I bathed together... taking the showers to be a spell of rain?

What do you think, Sonia? Please tell me

- What are you doing here? - I was doing my exercise

Obviously, I was bathing in the bathroom

Take a bath in your bathroom! Where's Sonia?

What...?

Sameer... don't be angry. There's no water in his bathroom

I see!

One building, one water-tank, one connection...

and there's no water in his bathroom...? Please explain

That's because my pipe is choked

I see. Guess what, Sonia...?

Are you going to stand around naked all day?

I'm Ieaving! I know, the sight of my physique gives you the creeps

Feeling insecure, aren't you?

- Bye. - Bye.

Sameer, I made a new friend yesterday. She's such a sweet girl

Introduce me to her. You introduce them only to Pyare

- Why not me and a sweetie pie? - But you've met her already

- Have I...? - Naina

Naina? The name rings a bell

- Idiot! Naina, your wife! - Was Naina here...?

Did Naina come and see you?!

I realised after meeting her what mistakes we can make

You did, didn't you?

What a big mistake I made by marrying Naina!

No, it's my mistake. I'm breaking your home

I'm a terrible person, right?

Sonia, my marriage was already on the rocks, even before you arrived

Your arrival has saved my Iife

Else, I'd surely have died, attempting suicide again and again Iike you

So how about the kids? Sameer, when a marriage breaks...

and a divorce takes place, it takes a terrible toll on the children

You're right! Absolutely right

The children's mental balance must not be tampered with!

We'II never tell our children about my previous marriage

I'm not talking about the children who're not born

- What about those who're already there? - What...?

You have children...?!

- Not my children. Your children. - My children?

- Where did they spring from? - Sameer, you're too much!

Just because you fought with your wife, are you going to spurn your children too?

- Two Iovely children! - Two...?

- So Naina came with the kids? - Yes

- Smart! - Sameer, I want to meet your children

- I want to shower my Iove on them. - Their dad's standing right here...

meet their dad, shower your Iove on their father!

No, I'II have to meet them after the marriage, isn't it?

I want to play with them, take them out...

come to think of it, they'II get Iove from two mothers!

No need to give them extra Iove! The Iove of one mother...

has spoilt them so much, they don't recognise their father!

- You're not meeting them! - Really? I'm not meeting them?

- No? - No!

Sonia! Sonia!

Where are you...? Hey! What are you doing in here?

I broke in from the window to save her Iife

Had you used your brains, you could've saved her Iife too

- It's only common sense. - What common sense? Nonsense!

What nonsense? You fall in Iove and I pull the rescuing act?

- Here's your Iove. Take over! - Can't you carry her to the couch?

Look at this guy!

- The children... - Yes, I'II take you to the children...

provided you give up this childishness! Please!

- Really? - Really

- I'm so happy now! - Are you?

There was this King, okay? And he had two queens...

Why does every king have two queens?

I don't know, go to sleep. It's Iate in the night...

and you have your exams tomorrow. Hurry up and go to sleep. Not a sound!

- What if we don't sleep? - You'II get a thrashing

Wait till I get there!

- Sir...? You...? - Sir, sir, sir...?

You made me bow my head out of shame today!

- I...? - You hid from me...

the fact that you have two children! Without even getting married!

- You're a bigger Iiar than me! - That's enough, sir, enough

They're my sister's children, not mine

My sister and her husband are getting a divorce, so they're here...

at the hostel and spend the weekend with me. You're just raving away...

- this is not done! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry

But why did you have to take the two of them to Sonia?

She now thinks you're my wife and they're our children!

That should make you happy! It makes your drama even better

Better? Bullshit!

And bullshit's never any good. It's always bullshit!

And Sonia now wants to meet these two bullshit kids!

- But what will the kids say to Sonia? - Lies

Lies? No way! These children will not say any Iies to anyone

What effect will it have on their delicate minds?

Have you ever thought what effect it's all having on my delicate romance?

- It's just for tomorrow. - Tomorrow?

No way! They got their exams tomorrow! How could they...?

The skies won't fall if they flunk their exams

I'II hire them as compounders. They'II play in the compound

Aunty, since he's insisting so much, say yes to him

Else, he just won't Iet us sleep

In any case, it'd be better if we don't appear for the exams tomorrow

What have you taught us anyway?

Now Iook...

These kids...? I think they'II Iie through their teeth to Sonia!

Sonia's going to be very happy. Come to me, kids... come to me!

- Go to your room! At once! - At once, okay

- Okay, sir, you'II have the kids... - Thank you

- But why am I doing all this? Why? - It's Iike this, Naina

There's no answer to every "why" and "how come" in Iife

Hi! Here are the kids! Now don't ask to see their kids

Children, whom do you Iike more between Mummy and Daddy?

- Tell her. - Neither of them!

What...?

Now Iet me ask you a question

How do children come into this world?

Children are God's gifts. An angel descends from the skies...

with the baby wrapped in rose-petals...

gives the baby to the mother and goes away

- Hear that? - What?

She doesn't know a thing!

Only you could have such children! I'II fetch something for them to eat

- How could you say that to her? - Uncle, nice girl you've scored with!

- Uncle, he snatched my ice-cream! - You ought to be ashamed!

- Go on, son. - Thank you, Uncle

Aren't you ashamed to take other people's children out, Uncle?

- Shut up now, will you...? - "Uncle"?

Other people's children...? What's all this about?

What will I say, Sonia? Their mother has taught them...

to call me uncle and call her boyfriend Papa!

- Does Naina even have a boyfriend? - That's why I'm Ieaving her

How I've yearned to hear them call me "Papa"!

- Do you know Naina's boyfriend? - No. I don't want to, either

- But I want to meet him. - But why? Whatever for?

We must see what sort of a man he is, else Iives will be ruined

I'd be so glad to see Naina's Iife being ruined

Not Naina's Iife. The children's Iives

If he turns out to be a nasty man, won't the children's Iives suffer?

I got to meet him

Got to meet him. Got to!

You first said I was your wife, then the mother of two children. Now...?

- Aren't you ashamed at all? - Of course I'm ashamed!

I'm so ashamed, I'm hiding my face! And begging you...

just once, just once, if Sonia sees you with a man...

all my problems in Iife will be solved!

No, your problem won't be solved. Don't ask me to do it, I can't!

Please... for my sake! For your doctor's sake!

I'II never ask you for anything ever again!

- Promise? - Promise

- But where will we get a guy from? - Do you have a friend or boyfriend?

I have no boyfriends. You'II have to find one

- Found him! - Who?

My friend... I have just one friend!

- That... - That... Vicky?

No way! I can't...

God, my name's at Iast on the Iady's Iips

Think of the devil and here he is

- Is there a problem? - No problem at all

You'II have to play Naina's boyfriend for a few days

- I'm willing to do it for a Iifetime! - Acting... he'II only be acting!

I'II get into the skin of the role... and never come out of it!

I'm going out... to wash my hands

That sort of behaviour is going to affect my performance

- For my sake... please? - Okay

- What am I doing at such a boring place? - But I'm having a ball

What will you have? Whisky, rum, vodka, gin...?

- I don't drink all that. - But I will, okay?

Don't cling to me! We're only play-acting. Behave yourself!

I'm an actor! I get into the skin of the character and never come out!

Waiter!

- Get me a Iarge vodka with orange juice. - Plain orange juice for me, please

- Look! Your wife! - Oh my God!

- She's with her boyfriend! - Boyfriend?

Wasn't a six-bedroom house big enough...?

That she had to flog my reputation in public?

Disgraceful woman! You should've atleast waited for the divorce to come through!

I can't bear to see all this. Let's go, Sonia

No! Let's see what they're upto

Must be romancing, what else!

I wish I were dead, before I saw a day Iike this!

- Vicky, get closer to me, will you? - Don't tell me!

- You're game already...? - Stupid... they're here

- How I hate this! - Now just watch my performance

Attention everybody! Hello, Iadies and gentlemen!

I dedicate this Iovely evening to my future wife, Naina!

The food and beverages are all on the house!

Thank you, thank you

- You were hamming away! - Was it too much?

You're buying everybody Iiquor, Vicky.

- Do you have money even for a beer? - Hasn't Sameer given you any money?

- He has. - So give it to me

What happened?

So what if I'm an actor? Have I no respect at all?

- Look, he's taking money from Naina! - Oh my God!

From under the table!

Give it to me!

- What a cheapskate! - My money, that is!

- Why would you give her any money? - We're still married, you see

She keeps threatening me...

that she won't Iove my children if I don't give her the money!

And Iook at him gulping down Iarge drinks with my Iittle children's money!

Why're you Iooking Iike that me? I'm feeling scared

Know what? You got two ears and two eyes

- Everybody does! - Really?

But you have two noses!

And two glasses!

No wonder I couldn't get a kick!

I drank plain orange-juice and you drank up my vodka!

- What...? - This hotel's going round and round!

Steady, steady...

- Not me, idiot! Steady the hotel! - Now how will I steady the hotel?

- Are they watching? - Yes

So Iet me give you a kiss...

Vicky, Vicky...?

That's my girl... my girlfriend. Got to go... Iet go!

- What were you upto? - I'II explain in a quiet corner

What was I doing? She was the one doing whatever there was!

- But who's she? - She's... my producer

She's producing my forthcoming film. The title is, "Bodies... and bodies"

- Disgusting! - No, even families can watch it...

separately, that is. Got to do it, you know

If I make her happy... my Iife will be made

I got to go through the grind to make it as a hero

My shoes are worn out, my Iips are being worn out today...

I don't know what else I'm going to wear out

You understand, don't you? You do understand? I Iove you!

I Iove you!

Bye, bye!

Sameer, your wife's boyfriend was romancing with another girl!

This is too much!

- Forget it. - How can we forget it?

What effect will it have if any man becomes your children's step-father?

Come, Iet's reason with him.

- Doctor! This is my new boyfriend. - Doctor, you're a great guy!

You gave me your wife and also two ready made children!

- No hassles of pregnancy! - Shut up!

You're flirting with another women when my wife is around?

What does my wife Iack?

If she Iacks nothing, why are you Ieaving her?

- Yes, answer that! Speak up! - Shut up! You ingrate!

I've tended to Naina as if she were a tender rose!

If she as much as sheds a tear after your marriage...

I'II make sure you have a bleeding nose!

Nice indeed! Drive a second-hand car and even Iisten to his abuses!

Whom did he call second-hand...? Bye!

- Sameer, just Ieave Naina. - I already have

- Only the divorce has to come through. - I mean, drop her home

- He's not a nice guy. - Who'II drop you home then?

I'm absolutely sober and Naina's not in her senses

Go on. She's still your wife. Go... Go on

"My veil slips away..."

"my anklets chime..."

"my bangles tinkle..."

"Oh, this restlessness..."

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

"Ever since I've met you, something has stirred in my heart"

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

"I was Ionely at heart..."

"I was a mystery even to myself'

"I wonder what has come over me..."

"all I feel is a high everywhere"

"You charms are quite something else today..."

"you sure are Iost to yourself'

"Oh, this restlessness..."

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

"What ecstasy takes over? My heart's in a strange bind"

"I'm going astray, my resolve is beginning to wilt"

"There's craziness in the air..."

"we're going astray, our youthfulness is compelling"

"Oh, this restlessness..."

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

"My veil slips away..."

"my anklets chime..."

"my bangles tinkle..."

"Oh, this restlessness..."

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

"I'm indeed bitten by the Iove-bug"

A gift...?

Wow, Sameer! It's a sari!

This is the sari you'II wear when you meet my mother

- Will it do if I wear a bikini? - Will do

- Provided you wear it inside the sari. - Okay

- So the doctor has finally wooed you! - What do you mean?

I always thought you were a girl with a Iot of self-respect

So I am. You doubt that?

It's a question of rights! The doctor is still not divorced

His wife has a greater right to this sari

You can keep it, if you wish to...

but wouldn't it be better if you had accepted it after the marriage, right?

- Think! - I think he's right

- Excuse me, ma'am. - Yes?

There's a parcel for Mrs Naina Malhotra

Yes, okay

"I Iove you - Sameer"

- Lie down. - I beg you, I don't want to be cured

- I can't Iet you Ieave without a cure. - But you can't twist my arm!

If God wants me to Iead the Iife of a cripple...

it's okay with me. What's your problem?

God wants you to get well. So Iie down

God has His will. You have a will And so do I!

I want to Iimp to death! Try to get the depth of what I'm saying, doctor!

I'm enjoying being a cripple. I'm very happy with myself

Even if you cure my Iegs, you're going to do the walking... not me!

AII right, Iie down. I'II take an x-ray

What will you do with an x-ray? Please try to understand, doctor!

What a stubborn doctor! I hope he doesn't chop off my Iimbs!

- Give me Thapa's file, will you? - What?

Thapa's file

- Thank you. - You're welcome

- This is Kumar's file. - Sorry, doctor

- Sorry. - It's okay

Thank you

- What's this? - What?

- How could it be? - Is it a new disease?

- This is impossible! - What is it? A cancer in my Iegs?

- Tell me something, will you? - Oh no!

At Ieast tell me how many more days I've got, doctor!

What's happening to me?

My Iegs are all right, what's he worked up about?

Is this a hospital or a garage?

Hello everybody!

Very Ioud music, you see. Got to change the DJ

But Iet's groove to it. C'mon

Excuse me, mister. A photo, please?

No photo... this is my private time!

How these guys disturb us! They're crawling everywhere!

Not your photograph. I want you to photograph us together

- I don't take pictures of animals. - Animals?

C'mon, baby! Let's enjoy

He's playing hero with that girl. "I'm not taking the picture"

- Hey hero... that's my drink. - But I ordered it

- I don't care for your order! - I placed... the order

- Let go! - May I?

I Iet go!

What are you doing? Make him see reason, auntie!

She Iooks Iike an auntie to you?

Auntie socked Uncle!

Pyare! Go and hit back!

Me? Get into a fight? But I'm a chocolate hero!

Get up!

- Let him go. - Get Iost!

I've been saying I'm sorry, you just won't Iet go!

- Save him! - I will, I will... nice punch

Tell me something. Why did you give Naina the gift I gave you?

Until you and Naina are divorced, she has a right to everything that's yours

Really...? Who keeps giving you such bright ideas?

- Pyare. - Pyare?

- No, not my face! - Why not?

I make a Iiving out of it. That's why

- So where do I hit you? - Here, here, here...

or even here

Save me from this beast, will you?

Freeze there! Why fight a kid? Fight someone your size!

- Him? My foot he'II save you! - He called you a coward! Chicken!

No reaction

"Just chill, chill... just chill"

"Let our hearts come together, my Iove..."

"just chill, chill... just chill"

"Sweetheart, Iet our hearts come together..."

"just chill, chill... just chill"

"I Iove you ardently too... so encourage me, will you?"

"Just chill, chill... just chill"

"When dusk sets in..."

"it awakens my desires"

"Yours is the spell that is cast on me... sweetheart"

"Without you, I Iike nothing"

"I see only your face... everywhere"

"You possess killer charms, my Iove"

"Just chill, chill... just chill"

"Kiss me, sway with me..."

"there's fun in this mischief'

"Only those who have fallen in Iove know..."

"that Iove is nothing but a high"

"It's difficult to reason with the heart, my Iove..."

"just chill, chill... just chill"

"I Iove you ardently too... so encourage me, please"

"Just chill, chill... just chill"

Let our hearts get together...

- Good night. - Good night?

As if I'm going to Iet you off so easily

It must be dark on the staircase. I'II see you off at the door

Don't worry, I'm with her. I'II take her in the Iift

I made a mistake by giving you a Iift

Darling... coffee! Treat me to a cup of coffee!

Hello! This happens to be a house, not a cafeteria!

Darling, the next time he's with you, I'm not going out with you anywhere

In any case, the next time we meet will be when you're divorced

No coffee, no tea, no me

That's the Indian girl! She's send the doc in a twirl!

- So get going. - Sonia...

- I forgot to tell you something. - What?

I'm divorcing Naina in the court at 10 on Monday morning

So I'II watch the divorce proceedings with you at the court on Monday!

And Iater at eleven, I'II have a cup of coffee with you. Okay?

Run out of gas, haven't you?

You Iook so happy! What's the problem?

I told Sonia I'm getting divorced in the court at ten on Monday

She also wants to attend. She has called ten times already

There... that's the eleventh call

- Hello, Sonia. - What time?

- 9:30 - Monday morning, right?

Yes, Monday morning. Okay? Bye

- So take her along! - But what court ...?

- Now, is your marriage real or fake? - Fake

- Your wife's real or fake? - Fake

- The divorce is fake...? - Fake

- So why can't we fake a court? - What rubbish

- I'm talking about a filmi court! - What a fantastic idea!

Doctor, you weren't keeping too well. Isn't it?

Here's Vicky... with a cure

I have a cure for you, too

As Iong as you're the disease, a cure's very difficult

Listen, Naina. For the Iast time, you must put on an act with me on Monday

- No, doctor. No... - We'II finally be divorced

- Really? - Really

After that, you and I will get married. Love you

- I'II have to wash my hand again! - Will she take a bath if I embrace her?

Tell your wife how she's supposed to behave with her boyfriend

Wow! I can hear the bells ringing! You Iook solid!

I'm going the court. Sameer's divorce is coming through today

- Here comes the spoilsport. - What?

The bone-specialist!

- Congrats on your divorce. - Thank you

- I'm going with you too. - Where to?

- To the court. - What for?

I've seen a Iot of weddings in my Iifetime!

But I've never seen a divorce!

I have a Iot of problems anyway

To make it worse, Mom's arriving from Punjab

And I can't make up my mind, must I go and recieve my mother...

or go to the court and divorce Mrs Naina Malhotra

Pyare will receive your mother! You will, won't you Pyare?

- Anything for you! - Step here, please

Uncle, how am I going to recognise your mother?

- You want some identification? - Yes

Now Iook there...

you'II recognise her all right!

That must be the doctor's mother!

A woman travels 30 hours from Punjab to meet her son...

and you demand to see her ticket? You ask a mother for a ticket?

- Ass! What if I were your mother? - Forgive me, Iady...

I'II never ask a mother to show me her ticket again. I swear it on my Mom!

- What was that one for? - You won't ask a mother for her ticket?

Do you own the railways? Here's the ticket

- Now where's my Sameer? - I've recognised you!

Sameer's Mummy, right? I'm his friend, Pyare

Whoever you are, makes no difference to me!

- Just tell me where my son is! - He can't come today

He's getting divorced!

- What was that one for? - Before a divorce...

there's got to be a marriage. You understand?

- What a moron! He doesn't know! - But your son is already married

- And he's getting divorced today. - God Almighty!

My son got married and he's even getting divorced today...

and there I was in Punjab, tending to the family business!

Which court is giving them a divorce? Take me there, will you?

Keep your mouth shut and Iet's hurry up before it's too Iate

Attention ye all...

The Emperor of India, Jal AI Ud-din Akbar... cometh

- What's he talking about? - I couldn't find anyone else

The Iast movie he did was "Mughal-E-Azam"

Those are the Iines he repeats. I'II deduct it from his fee

Let the proceedings begin

Sir, the marriage of Sameer and Naina has hit a roadblock

So Iet me question her

- Naina-ji... - Yes?

When did you realise that you could no Ionger Iive with this scoundrel?

- The very next day of the marriage. - Don't tell me!

So why did you tolerate him all these years?

It's so disgusting, Your Honour. However bad a government is...

we have to tolerate it for five years!

Order! Order

So Sameer, what problem did you have with her?

Mr Judge, what does a man Iook for in his wife?

He wants her to cook Iike his mother...

and Iove him in bed, Iike his girlfriend

But her case was just the opposite, sir!

In the kitchen, she Ioved me Iike my girlfriend and said...

"Darling, I'm not in the mood to cook today"

"Why don't we order the food from outside?"

And in bed, she used to scream at me Iike my mother!

"Go to sleep, it's very Iate. You got to Ieave for work in the morning"

- What sort of a marriage is this, sir? - Amazing! Is this what happened?

Say something... anything

He used to chase other girls!

If a girl showed him her finger, he reached for her hand!

And if a girl showed him her hand, he...

- Never mind, it's okay... - I won't be able to say it

- That's not the way he is, sir! - Thank you, Sonia

When a man has starved for five years...

won't he go berserk in a sweetmeat shop?

- You tell me, sir! - Silence!

Nobody's going to talk about sweetmeat here

I suffer from diabetes

Sorry to hear that, sir

Drive slowly, Iady... you want to get me killed?

Watch out, will you?!

Let me drive in peace, Pyare

Don't stand up, please!

Mr Sameer, how did you feel when you got to know...

that your wife is having an affair with another man?

I felt as if someone was enjoying a feast in a five-star hotel...

- and I was footing the bill. - What I mean is...

when did you get to know that she was having an affair with someone else?

Two years ago, sir. One night, when she was sleeping with me...

she murmured, "Sweetheart, I Iove your moustache"

I actually Iiked what she said. Then I was startled!

Hell! I had no moustache!

Mr Sameer, a moustache is the symbol of a true man

Is itjust a moustache that you don't have...?

- Or aren't you a real male at all? - Objection, Your Honour!

Objection, Your Honour!

Sameer is a true male. I know it

Sameer is a true male. I know it

What's happening here? Everybody's raising objections!

Watch it, Iady! We'II go to the heavens, not the court!

Worry not, son! "I set out in style..."

"I Ieave 'em all behind, round the bend"

- Just don't be afraid. Don't. - You're going to kill a kid!

Mrs. Malhotra, if you are divorced, who will the children Iive with?

- They'II Iive with me. - No, Your Honour!

The children will Iive with me! They mean the Iife to me!

Don't separate my children from me, please!

Have you gone crazy...?

Keep the children with you! By all means!

I appeal to you to give my children to him. Please, Your Honour!

No, Your Honour! I'm sorry, I just got selfish!

Who else but a mother can take good care of the children?

Let her keep the children

Sir, this is no marriage, it's a coalition government...

of so many political parties, it can never Iast!

It's Iike a rotten movie that's going on and on... without getting over!

It's Iike a cricket match where there's a downpour after every over!

It's Iike a car without brakes, running over people...

- someone might get killed! - Please stop it!

Please... grant them a divorce

- Please grant them a divorce. - Please!

Out of the way, everybody! She's Iost her marbles...

she's going to get me killed! There's the court...

are you going to drive into it?

Doctor, the real courtroom drama begins now!

Victory to the doctor's mother!

There's going to be no divorce!

Who's snatching my daughter-in-Iaw from me?

- What are you doing here, Mom...? - Mom!

Shameless boy! You first get married without telling me...

and now you're even getting a divorce!

You're posing obstacles in the court's proceedings

Just keep your mouth shut!

I've driven several crows Iike you away!

- No divorce is taking place! - What's happening in my court?

But Ma, the judge has delivered his verdict

A mother's verdict holds more importance than a judge's

She...? What a good date, son!

- My daughter-in-Iaw is so sweet! - Ma...!

The whole of Punjab and Haryana would sway to her smile

In this Iove-story, there can be an interval...

but "The End" must never come

Shall we...?

"Sweetheart..."

"in our duel of Iove..."

"Sweetheart..."

"in our duel of Iove..."

"my bangles dug into my wrist"

"My bangles dug into my wrist"

"My bangles dug into my wrist"

"Sweetheart..."

"in our duel of Iove..."

"I had to stay up in bed all alone"

"I stayed up in bed all alone"

"Every moment, I desire you"

"Your charm steals my very being"

"Oh, your hennaed palms"

"And the way you blush"

"Yes, I shied away..."

"from the duel of Iove..."

"but the bangles dug into my wrist"

"Impatience drove me crazy"

"The moonbeam set my heart racing..."

"as it fell Iike a thunder..."

"and I squirmed and writhed through the night"

"I Iost my sleep..."

"in the duel of Iove"

"I stayed up in bed all alone"

"Sweetheart..."

"in our duel of Iove..."

"I stayed up in bed all alone"

"My bangles dug into my wrist"

Sameer, what are you doing on the sofa? Get up

Ma, I'm sleeping, Iet me sleep. I'm tired of telling Iies

Go and relax in your wife's arms, it'II refresh you. Get up

I've been doing that for five years. I want to rest in your Iap tonight

- Sing a Iullaby for me. - I'II kill myself...

if you don't go to her. Get up

And Iisten! God helps those who help themselves

Go inside, get Iost! Go and win her over

It's my Lord! Can I be of any service?

Shall I clean your feet? Or shall I massage your head?

What all must I do in this bedroom? Tell me, please

Naina, I'm sorry but I'm not at fault. Ma...

Look, don't find faults with her

It's your mistake. Also mine, in some way

Any mother would do this much for her son's happiness

It started as a joke and things have reached a height now

Fake wife, fake children, fake marriage, pretended Iaughter...

paying respects to your mother and taking her blessings

AII those things that a woman dreams to do...

have become a joke for me

I don't understand what I must...

Look Naina, I know that...

to keep Ma and Sonia happy...

I've hurt you badly

However, I never hid anything from you...

though I used you

I'm sorry

If you think, you've had enough, and if you want to Ieave...

you certainly can

You may Ieave

Go

You are very bad

I know. Thank you, Naina

Ma, everything is fine!

Sonia, here are the divorce papers! Naina has signed them

I'II get a divorce in 20 days, and we'II marry on the 21st

Pyare...?

Yes, it's me

Which nightgown would you prefer for the night, Sonia?

This one? Or this one?

- This one. - Okay

What are you doing here? And what are you doing with Sonia's nighties?

I'm not wearing them, I'm packing them

Pyare is so sweet. See, he's helping me do the packing

Packing?

- Where are you going? - Abroad

- For a shoot. - When?

- Tonight. - Tonight? Where?

- Dubai. - For how many days?

Only seven days. Want to come along?

I wish I could! But for the appointments and patients

Sonia, anything else you'd Iike for the nights?

- No, that will be all. - Son, I'II pack your things some day

And I'II have you mailed to a place from where you can never return

Uncle, why delay then? Do it now

Lay off

Sameer, why do you flare up on Pyare?

Because I can't flare up on you

- You are going away for a week! - Only a week

Not "only a week", it's seven days!

It could even be TEN days!

- Shall I come there? - No, uncle!

If he ever falls ill, send him over to me

Okay, done

I've packed some cashew nuts too. The vitamin tonic is very important

Give me the water bottle. Did you pack his undergarments?

- I've packed them. - Well done, very good

She's going to Punjab

Ma, are you going to Punjab? Please don't go, Ma

I'm not going to Punjab. I'm sending you and Naina abroad, for a honeymoon

I can't stand Naina till the gate, and you want me to go abroad with her, Ma?

Son, in a marriage, if Iove goes cold...

you must season it with romance and refreshen it

What are you doing there, dear?

Go abroad, shower your husband with Iots of kisses...

and win him back

- But Ma... - No buts. Keep your mouth shut

- And hold the tickets. - I don't want to go

I know you will send me on a pilgrimage

Hey! This is the place where Sonia is going!

Ma, you are a Iittle Iate, but you are great!

I knew it, son, you'd never turn me down

Naina, Iet's go, darling

- Thank you, Mom. - You're welcome

I'II be back

Ma is really amazing. I did a quick packing, you know?

- By the way, where are we going? - Not "we"

I'm going alone

Well? You are kidding, aren't you?

Aren't you?

But how will you go all alone on a honeymoon?

Why all alone? Luckily, Sonia is already there

I get it. I stay back, you fly

- Right. - Okay. Anything else?

Sure. You won't go out of the house until I return. Else, Ma will see you

- Here's your bag. - Anything else?

You tell me. What do I get for you?

A husband, who never Iies

You'II have to find him for yourself. AII right? Bye

Bye

- Have a good trip. - I will

- See ya. - Bye

Lucky girl Sonia

"The twists and turns in our Iove-story..."

"the world will remember every moment"

"The twists and turns in our Iove-story..."

"the world will remember every moment"

"Stop! Watch it"

"It's a Iove-triangle"

"The twists and turns in our Iove-story..."

"the world will remember every moment"

"Come, Iet's go someplace far away"

"Every one is envious of us"

"Let's elude every eye"

"Let's merge into the colour of Iove"

"I'II buy you bangles..."

"that the world will remember"

"The twists and turns in our Iove-story..."

"the world will remember every moment"

"Stay away! Don'tjam in"

"Or, you will be thrashed"

"The twists and turns in our Iove-story..."

"the world will remember every moment"

"Undoubtedly..."

"only I have the right to her"

"Time will tell..."

"who wins her"

"This game of Iove is not a joke..."

"the world will remember that every moment"

"The twists and turns in our Iove-story..."

"the world will remember every moment"

"Stop! Watch it"

"It's a Iove-triangle"

- What are you doing in Dubai? - Why? Does your father own Dubai?

- Don't you abuse my father! - Why are you guys brawling?

Pyare is here to help me at the shoot, as a friend

Ask your friend to beat it since your boyfriend is here now

- Please go away. - I won't. What will you do?

- Look Pyare, I might even hit you. - Try raising a finger at me!

Look Pyare, I might even kill if I Iose it

- Kill? Try touching me with your nail! - Forget it, Sameer

- Pyare is quite tough. - Is he?

AII right. I think it was my mistake. Forget it

Mistake? What mistake? Tell me

My mistake! I should've thrashed you Iong ago

Are you all right?

You hit me?

Mistake. Hit me if you want

Uncle, this is what you call Iove-and-hit relationship

Sonia, you Iook so pretty. You just needed a hat

How sweet! Thank you.

Pyare, are you trying to flirt with my girlfriend?

I wish...

- It is Pyare's gift! - I'II smash it...

and throw it in the water

Sameer, what have you done? I have to wear it for the shoot

Get my hat back

Forget the hat, and give me a small kiss

One who brings my hat back gets a kiss

Excuse me!

He Ioves me so much! Look, he justjumped

That's good. He'II bring the hat

- Then he's the one who gets the kiss. - One who gets the hat?

Pyare, hurry

Jump

Sameer, quickly

Go, Pyare

Go, Sameer

My kiss!

Give me back my shorts!

My shorts! Not fair, Sonia. Me and you...

Gopi, you are slow, ass! Hurry up

I was checking the trousers

This one's fine. Gopi, buy a kurta for yourself

Lady... isn't that Naina?

- How can Naina be here? - Wear your glasses

Get back home!

Daughter-in-Iaw...

- Did you see properly? - Of course

- Are you sure? - Dead sure

Where's she? Beats me

Gopi, did you see properly? Was she really Naina?

Yes Iady, it was Naina

Gopi, where are you? Take me to my daughter-in-Iaw's house

Yes, Iady. But I don't know where she Iives

308, Milton Apartments, Juhu Koliwada, Mumbai 49

Let's hurry then

What's this? Not even all your marks add up to 35 percent

That's it! The two of you are going to boarding school. Final

No Mummy

Please Mummy, we don't want to go

Ma-ji... you? Here...? What...?

What's this? You have kids too?

No Ma-ji, actually...

My son's a rascal, and his wife too turned out to be a Iiar

Sameer Iied to me and went abroad

You too hid away from me

That's fine, but the other day I saw you at the shopping mall

Where did you hide my sweet grandchildren?

No Ma-ji, please Iisten to me... they are...

No buts, keep your mouth shut

I was unfortunate, I had two fixed deposits in my account...

and I was desiring the principal. I won't spare Sameer

Look at his eyes... hasn't he taken after his grandfather?

- What...? - I'm so happy today

So happy that, if I had my way...

I'd declare a public holiday all over India

- Grandmother's Day! - She's so funny!

Thanks for the extra holiday

Sameer, get up

When will you introduce me to your mother?

When will you introduce me to your mother?

When will you introduce me to your mother?

When?

I will, I will

Won't you wait till the plane Iands?

I will introduce you tomorrow. Now sleep, please

Now please sleep

- Welcome back, son. - It was great fun, Ma

- But I missed you a Iot. - AII alone? Where's your wife?

- I dropped her, Ma. - Shut up, shameless chap

I sent you with her so that you'd Iove her and placate her

I know, Ma. Well, I can't hide anything from you now...

you are grown up. Know what, Ma? She doesn't know how to Iove

During Iovemaking, she's Iike an ascetic in a trance...

eyes shut, breath held... she just doesn't know the art of Iovemaking

Thank God we don't have kids. Had we any kids...

well, how could we have kids? She has no idea how they come

- Look behind you. - Ma...

Iike all great men, I have sworn not to Iook behind

People will Iook at me and say, "Wow Mr Sameer! New house..."

- "new wife, and so many kids" - Wonderful

- But Mr Sameer, just Iook behind. - Really?

- Hi. - Aged mother, old house...

old wife, old children

Children, your father is here. Greet him

Greetings, Papa

- Wonderful! - Pathetic!

- Mr Sameer... - Where's my bed?

Mother-in-Iaw, Iet me Iive with you, I'II be a nice daughter-in-Iaw

I'II serve you, I'II cook...

I'II do the dishes, and wash the clothes...

with Vimla detergent

Sonia, you are selling detergent here, and my Ma is beating me up there

Cut it!

- What are you doing here, Sameer? - What's going on here?

- Who's this? - Sir, I'm sorry, he's my boyfriend

- Doctor Sameer. - Why pick on me, bro?

What'd you do if I barged into your operation theatre?

I'II administer a shot on your bum

- But what are you doing here, buddy? - I just need 30 seconds, oldie

Even I need to make a 30-seconds advertisement

But nobody's giving me an opportunity. Like Shekar Kapoor...

I'II also quit this country and migrate to Los Angeles

- Go right now! - Sorry sir...

Sonia, why aren't you answering my calls?

Because I want to meet your mother, not you

Ma?

- The shot is ready, Iady. - But I'm not ready...

- to introduce Sonia to my Ma. - Because of your Ma...

- my advertisement is getting...! - Do you have a mother?

No, Sameer. We stay away from each other till you divorce Naina

- I want to be spotless. - Wow! Fantastic!

What a Iine! "Vimla detergent Ieaves your clothes spotless"

I jog away

Keeps my hands and Iegs fit

So I jump away

My breath... my breath...

I know, you are the mother-in-Iaw and Naina-ji is the daughter-in-Iaw

Shut up, ass. The pump...

Oh, the pump!

- Here's the pump. - Not this one... my pump

- What happened? - She's gasping for breath

- She wants a pump. - Here it is. Sit down, Ma-ji

Open...

Again... better?

Who told you to exercise so much?

I'II decide on your diet from now on

I'II prepare your health chart

No compromise on your health. No way. Okay, Ma?

Great, Iady. This is what you call the Iove of a daughter-in-Iaw

- What was that for? - Not my daughter-in-Iaw

- She is my daughter. - Great, Iady. Awesome

I'm so happy

Gopi, give me tea

- My respects, Ma. - You hid such a thing from me, son

- What, Ma? - Your wife is so good

- She's disciplined and so mannerly. - I never knew, Ma...

- that my wife had so many qualities. - Shut up

She's a goddess. Know what? I suffered a bout of asthma

She took great care of me, I was fine in a jiffy

I have prayed to God that...

I want Naina as my daughter-in-Iaw in all the Iifetimes to come

You have opened my eyes today, Ma

- I never realised Naina was so nice. - She is, son

What was the need to act nice with my Ma?

Excuse me! It wasn't an act

I'm a nurse first then your fake wife

- It's my duty to save a patient's Iife. - I know

But you could've called me. If you keep on serving Ma Iike this...

- she will never Iet us part. - Is it? Then Iet's tell her everything

Don't worry. A mother forgives every mistake that her son commits

My Ma is an Indian mother. She slaps me...

- she can even shoot me if the need be. - Then what's the solution?

A horse cannot befriend its fodder

A woman can never Iove her mother-in-Iaw? Can she?

- You called me a horse? - No. I called Ma fodder

- Shame on you. You are terrible. - Be terrible Iike me

Be a true Indian daughter-in-Iaw

Turn terrible and torch the house, so that Ma runs away

Do it!

C'mon, grandma

- C'mon, grandma! - Drive Iike Superman. Let me show you

Gopi, you idiot

What are you doing here, Gopi? Get back to the kitchen, now

- What are you people doing? - What are you doing, daughter-in-Iaw?

Please don't interfere. The kids are not studying because of you

Don't worry, dear. We own several trucks

- My rich kids will never go hungry. - Haven't you got up yet?

C'mon, pack up, quick. You are going to the hostel. Move it

They won't get a good upbringing at the hostel, my dear

Oh yes, I forgot. I can see how great the upbringing of your son is

What are you talking? I made a doctor out of him

I wish you had made a good human being out of him

His bad company will spoil my kids

Only God can save us from you and your son

Let's go, children

What's wrong with her all of a sudden?

Don't scream. I'm good at it too

And I got an identity of my own! I'm not a caged bird...

to be kept under watch for 24 hours

You are unnecessarily angry, dear. Nobody is keeping you under watch

My glasses are broken. Please get it fixed, son

Mother-in-Iaw, this is Mumbai, not your village

Fixing things cost money. Besides, can't you see through a broken glass?

Well Ma-ji, what will you see?

The torn up album of your only son's broken marriage!

I'm so stuck in this place

Keep this money, Ma. I can go without slippers...

- but you can't go without glasses. - I know

In the movie "Baghban" this is exactly what Amitabh went through

His daughters-in-Iaw made Iife miserable for him

He Iooked so cute weeping inconsolably

But Ma, he's a great personality and a tough human being in reality

Forget the personality, but I'm no Iess in reality

I will endure every thing for your sake, but I won't Iet her go

Don't Iet her go, Ma. Don't

I'm a goner!

Sameer is ruined

Ms Naina, you are just amazing

If you script a few more episodes Iike this...

Ma will go away to Hoshiarpur, you will remain at the clinic...

and I will be...

in Sonia's arms

But won't this...?

- I hope it won't hurt Ma? - You don't know my Ma

She's tenacious, she's unshakeable

Ma! Are you all right?

Lord, stop playing the flute

I'm ruined. What's come over my daughter-in-Iaw all of a sudden?

She was fine until yesterday, why has she turned into a serpent?

You call this food? You're not concentrating on your work

- Get out of my house! - Lady, I've been working here...

for so many years. No one has ever complained

I'II see who works here!

Sure, go on. I got a replacement for you

- Who? - Ma-ji

She's been a freeloader in her son's house

She won't die if she works a bit

Besides, I'II save some money. So get out of my house

But Iisten...

Lady, what do you gain by sacking me?

Oh, how I respected you! And you turned out to be just a maid. God help

Ma-ji...

my friends are coming over in the afternoon

Cook something special, only for...

six people

Please don't refuse. I hear, your hands work magic

Let us try some

- Naina, hurry make it fast. - I'm checking

Look... oh!

- I Iost again. - There you are

- May I ask something, Naina? - Go ahead

You ran out of Iuck ever since you married Sameer

Don't ask me. I Iost 20,000 to you. I'II give you the rest Iater

- No way. - Naina, no credit in gambling

- I want hard cash. - Is that so?

- So keep my wedding necklace. - What are you doing, my dear?

Are you gambling with your wedding necklace?

Oh yes, it's the symbol of a marriage. So what do I do?

Shall I wager on you? That's a good idea, Iadies

I wager on her

You are wagering a worthless woman, Naina

Oh no. She must at Ieast be insured for 300000.

Hear that? Insured for 300000.

- Do you also insure your maids here? - Hush

How rude, Dolly! She is my mother-in-Iaw

If she gets angry, who will cook?

Mother-in-Iaw! My respects

- Shut up. - My name is Dolly

Try the food, Dolly

Naina, is this food worth trying? It's so oily

What is this, Mom? You have put me to shame

What's wrong with it? My husband would Iick his fingers

No wonder he passed away so early

Shut up!

What on earth...?

What happened, Ma?

Hasn't my virtuous wife massaged your feet and put you to sleep yet?

Feet? She'd even strangle me, son

Book a railway ticket and send me home

- Send me away, son. - But you said you wanted her...

as your daughter-in-Iaw for all the Iifetimes to come. Don't betray me now

I was out of my mind

Send me back to Hoshiarpur

- I won't stay here. - Know what's the problem?

It's the tv serials. Put on any channel...

and you'II find womenfolk fighting. The poor mother is always harassed

Greetings. Welcome to Sanskar TV

Beautiful. Exquisite, Ma

Today's subject: Relationship between mother-in-Iaw and daughter-in-Iaw

A mother-in-Iaw is Iike a mother

- Great thinking. - Shut up. Let me Iisten

Some daughters-in-Iaw today treat their mothers-in-Iaw Iike maidservants

It is wrong. A mother-in-Iaw is Iike a huge tree...

under whose shadows we find every thing

Ma, do they make such daughters-in-Iaw anymore?

Of course, there are. Why don't you marry a girl of her type?

Ma, forget her type, if you say, I'II marry this one

Bless you, son. Go ahead and marry her, son

- I will be blessed. - Okay, Ma

My Sonia... where are you?

Your doctor is here

Your doctor is in a romantic mood. Where are you?

- Help! - I'm in Iove with you

And I know that you too Iove me. So why don't you tell everyone?

Why don't you tell him? Look, I'm a very bad man

- Let me go! - Why don't you understand?

I'm in Iove with you. I can't Iive without you

Tell me, you also Iove me

- Please Ieave me. I don't Iove you! - No!

- Yes, yes! Yes! - See? You said yes

Though you refuse, you do Iove me

Pyare, I won't spare you!

We were rehearsing. Pyare has signed a new movie

"Sweet Rape". Starring Pyare Mohan as the obsessed Iover

Did you find only my girlfriend to rehearse a rape scene?

Sonia, when somebody touches you, I become very touchy

Mr Thapa, why are you gasping?

I climbed six storeys without crutches, for your sake

- You could've taken the elevator. - One who can climb the Tiger Hills...

without help in a war, needs no elevator

What I expected, and what you turned out to be

I...? What have I done?

You roam around with the doctor

But you can't stand me and spend a few moments of Iove with me

I wish to have a girlfriend Iike you

I wish for someone's support. Like yours

I don't expect an entire Iifetime with her...

but of course a few moments of Iove!

Mr Thapa...

why didn't you tell me before?

- What...? - Never mind

- Come home tonight? - Home? Whose?

The doctor's

Don't be afraid. We'II go out

Mr Thapa, stop!

Don't forget, Mr Thapa. We have a date

I've done it!

Doctor, I'm coming tonight

Mr Thapa, come on

Careful

Slowly, slowly

Ms Naina, this is not right. What are you doing?

You brought a cripple to a discotheque, to dance?

That's because this is one place where my boss would never come

- Boss? Who? - The doctor

- That's fine. - Right?

Thank you, old man

Baby...

Thank you, darling

- Such a Iovely place. - I know

Know what's special here? Nobody will disturb us

Vicky, isn't that the doctor's wife?

- Who's that with her? - Must be her new boyfriend

Isn't that the doctor?

- Who's the girl with her? - Must be his girlfriend or his fiancee

- Forget it. - And who's that boy?

Must be the doctor's fiancee's... Concentrate on me! Don't Iook around

- Sameer, there's your wife. - Oh my God!

Doctor, how many wives do you have? I can see them everywhere

Excuse me! I have only one wife, who is seen around with many of Iate

Ms Naina, the doctor is here!

Don't worry. He's the boss during the day, I'm the boss during the night

- Let's dance, Mr Thapa. - I'II go and freshen up

- Just one dance will freshen you up. - You don't understand

I need to pee. Hold this

Toilet

Carry on, friend

Must I wash my hands? No way! I will shake hands with everyone

Love crippled Thapa

Else, he'd have danced too

Naina, I'm coming

Will you woo my nurse?

Back off!

What are you doing?

"When I set my eyes..."

"upon you..."

"When I set my eyes upon you..."

"my heartstrings strummed, my Iove"

"Though I am restless and unheeded, I'm confident now, my Iove..."

"you are the one for me! You are mine, my Iove"

"When I set my eyes upon you..."

"my heartstrings strummed, my Iove"

"Though I am restless and unheeded, I'm confident now, my Iove..."

"you are the one for me! You are mine, my Iove"

"I don't know how I fell in Iove"

"But this wait is just killing me"

"My Iove"

"When our gazes met, I conformed"

"My Ionely heart found restlessness"

"My Iove"

"You've had a tremendous effect on me"

"I'm young, and this night is seducing me"

"Though I am restless and unheeded, I'm confident now, my Iove..."

"you are the one for me! You are mine, my Iove"

I'm healed!

I can dance!

Ms Naina, thank you! I'm healed!

I'm healed!

I can walk, I can dance

"Give in to my passions"

"Just commit this beautiful sin for once"

"My Iove"

"Live for my Iove, die for my Iove"

"In return, I shall grant you any wish"

"My Iove"

"Sweetheart, you are the destination of my Iove"

"I'm drunk on your Iove"

"Though I am restless and unheeded, I'm confident now, my Iove..."

"you are the one for me! You are mine, my Iove"

Get Iost!

"When I set my eyes upon you..."

"my heartstrings strummed, my Iove"

"Though I am restless and unheeded, I'm confident now, my Iove..."

"you are the one for me! You are mine, my Iove"

My Iove, you are mine

- Sameer, what happened? - Nothing... Naina is drunk

DJ, one more time!

Uncle, it's twelve! Get Iost

DJ, one more time!

- Hi, Naina. - Hi. Good morning

- Good morning, doctor. - Good morning

What's this? You have worn Iast night's dress

- I didn't have the time to change. - What?

You didn't go home? Where were you all night?

The night? Don't ask me! I never had such fun in my Iife

I could see that. I saw what fun you had Iast night

That was nothing. The real thing happened after you Ieft...

- when the two of us went to the beach. - To the beach?

- The two of you? - Yes

- Two? Who? - I and Pyare

- Pyare? - Pyare Mohan

You went to the beach with Pyare? Do you know what sort of a man he is?

Doctor, not a word against Pyare. He is a very nice and decent man

I saw Iast night how decent and nice he is

The way he was glued to you!

Doctor, I can smell envy

Envious, am I? No way. I'm ashamed

- Ashamed? - It hurt to see...

the way you behaved with my girlfriend's friend

The whole world knows that you are my wife!

Wife?

Wife, eh?

Whose wife? What wife?

Mrs Naina Malhotra! You have made a joke out of me

Ajoke

I'm not your wife

I'm not your wife, doctor

I can't fake it anymore

I'm tired of it, I can't tolerate it

Tolerate? What've you been tolerating?

Your filthy girlfriends and friends, pathetic demands... need I say more?

Have you ever imagined how it hurts me to support your Iies?

No, I can't do this anymore. I want freedom

Freedom? Go, you are free. Who do you think you are?

There are thousands of nurses who will work for me, for Iess pay

- Go ahead. I'II find one for you. - No, thanks

I'II find a nurse of my choice

AII right

Here's the drawer that carries the Ietters of all your girlfriends

There's your bank statements, there's the patients' dossiers, and...

inside this drawer you will find your girlfriends' shoes, clips, et al

If you forget every thing, there's a Iist inside in this drawer

Anything else you want to ask?

No, nothing

I'm Ieaving

Listen...

Yes?

Where's the fish food?

See, I forgot that. Inside their tummies!

Pyare, get up. Are you still dreaming?

I've stopped dreaming. My dreams don't come true anyway

Forget it. I'm marrying today. You are my best friend

Aren't you ready yet? C'mon, get up

Sonia, I won't attend your marriage

- Why not? - Why should I attend?

That doctor is marrying for the second time, and I'm not even married once

What kind ofjustice is this? I won't attend anyone's wedding...

- unless I myself get married. - Look Pyare...

if you don't come, I'II never meet you again

In any case you will not meet me after your marriage

You won't attempt suicide, I won't come to rescue you either

Fine

- I'II still wait for you. - I'II still wait for you!

You Iook exquisite, and happy too

- Hi. - What are you doing here?

I'm taking the evening flight to Canada... for good

Before Ieaving, I wanted to tell you something about myself and Sameer

I'm not Sameer's wife

What...?

- Then who is Sameer's wife? - Nobody

Sameer is not married

May I ask something? Why are you telling me all this now?

I'm a nurse, Sonia

Be it a wound or a relationship, it must never be Ieft open

God bless you

From now on, you will share all your wife's joys, sorrows and everything

- Right? - Right, Father

Mr Sameer Malhotra, do you accept Sonia as your wife?

Of course, Father

Ms Sonia, do you accept Sameer Malhotra as your husband?

No, Father

What...?

Sonia, I'II be ruined. What are you saying?

Look Sameer, we are in the church, before God

At Ieast today you should be telling the truth

What?

Jesus! What accusation is this? When did I Iie to you?

When did you not Iie? First you said...

you have wife and kids

Then you said your wife has a boyfriend

You even Iied to your mother. Aren't you ashamed?

Sounds Iike Naina's doing!

She just can't digest things. Thank God I drove her out

Sameer, why did you tell all those Iies?

To make you belong to me, Sonia. I Iove you dearly

And why did Naina stand by you in your Iies, all the while?

Because, she...

considers me her boss. She takes a fat pay packet from me

Besides, not every "why" has an answer, Sonia

No, Sameer. This particular "why" has an answer

Naina stood by you, because she dearly Ioves you, Sameer

That's true

You must marry the person who Ioves you

Correct. I madly Iove you

Please marry me

Really?

Suppose, Naina and I were in a boat that were sinking...

who would you save?

- I don't know! - I'II save the boat

- The boat! - The boat?

If he saves the boat, you will be saved, right?

Stay quiet! Did I say anything? Let the boat sink

No, no. If you ask me about medicine, I have answers

But this quiz about who will drown, I can't answer

- You really Iove me, don't you? - Yes

- You want to see me happy? - Yes

Then ask yourself and tell me honestly...

are you the right man for me?

Tell me, Sameer

Thank you, Sameer. For the first time today...

you've spoken a truth your silence said it

Go to the airport and stop Naina

Else, you will Iose her in this Iifetime too

Sonia, did you ever imagine what'd happen to you without me?

Whatever happens, it will be good

Sonia, I Iove you dearly

Plumber, chauffeur, servant...

Iover... I'm willing to become everything for you

But, on just one condition

If you ever fall ill and you need a doctor...

I won't ever take you to him! Period

Everything else is fine. Please marry me

But if you ever hurt her, I'II beat you so much that...

no doctor will ever be able to cure you

Let's go. Are you waiting to see their honeymoon? Come on

Amazing. You refused to marry before, now girls are running away from you

That reminds me... you should run

Else, Naina will run away from India. C'mon

Go! Go!

Don't weep, Sonia. I hate tears

Did Father vanish?

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit...

Will you be my wife?

But how will you go all alone on a honeymoon?

- You mean, I stay back, you go? - Right

A husband, who never Iies

You will have to find him yourself

Can't find a better nurse than Naina

She takes care of my clinic, my food everything, Iike a good wife

Whose wife? What wife?

Mrs Naina Malhotra. You have made a joke out of me

- Hello? - Hello Naina?

Vicky, what's up? Where are you calling from?

I'm using my mouth. Just get off the plane

Get off the plane? What are you saying?

My sixth sense says there's something wrong with the plane, seriously

Get off

I can't hear you, I'm inside the plane. Speak Ioudly

Naina, I have an intuition

There's something wrong with that plane

There's a problem with the Ieft magwheel

Vicky, there you go again! Nothing's wrong with the plane

I'm inside the plane. Stop being naughty

Hang up. Bye

Listen...

- Did she relent? - Don't know

Let's try the airport

What...?

What happened?

- The phone. - It's nothing

My stupid friend said...

there's something wrong with the Ieft magwheel of the plane. He's naughty

- Something wrong? - No, don't worry

He's justjoking. Besides, he's always 90 percent wrong

But he can be 10 percent right

- Yes, anybody could, in fact. - No!

I'm not flying! No way

- You are serious... - Something's wrong with the plane

- I'm Ieaving, folks. Come with me. - What's wrong, sir?

Something's wrong with the Ieft magwheel

But this plane doesn't have a Ieft magwheel

Gosh! There's no magwheel at all! Come on, folks

Goodness! What...?

Another traffic jam in my Iove-story

In Mumbai, traffic jams don't give you enough time to woo girls

Thapa!

- Thapa, your feet...? - Don't touch my Iegs, doctor

My Iegs are fine, please Iet me go

- Why? - I beg of you

Naina is Ieaving Mumbai. Please take me to the airport

Sorry, I got to deliver this pizza in 20 minutes

- What's more important? Pizza? Or Love? - Pizza

Pieces of pizza fill your stomach

- And when Iove is torn apart? - It kills the Iover!

Not another word! I have all the roads of this city mapped

I will reach you there in 20 minutes

C'mon

- Before Naina goes abroad we reach her! - Back off!

Hurry up, Thapa, for your scooter's sake

Faster!

Your girl's honour is at stake

My dear Naina...

Thapa's helping me

Please carry on. We have checked the aircraft. No problem at all

- I told you. - No way

I'm not flying in this plane. It doesn't have magwheels

Please don't Iisten to him. Come on

Please Iisten to him. You are responsible for your own Iives

AII the best. Bye, bye

There!

- Excuse me... - One minute

You...?

Go on, tell her. You want me to tell her, eh?

Go on

- Please, we can't wait. - One minute

I have dropped Sonia, Naina

You dropped Sonia? Or has Sonia dropped you?

One and the same thing

Naina...

Actually, I'm used to your smile, your different ways

We can't wait

If you Ieave, my office, my family, my Iife...

will be ruined all in one go!

- Are you coming or not? - Excuse me, please

Wait a moment

Here's what we do, Naina. I'm not your boss anymore

You are my queen I'm your slave

You hold my bridle

I do Iie at times, but these tears are not fake

You mustn't torment the one you Iove

You are Ieaving the house, but I'II be rendered homeless

This is not fair, isn't it Naina?

Madam please, Iet's go. We can't wait anymore

Otherwise you will miss the flight. Let's go

Look Naina... I'm falling from the sky

You are my parachute

You are right, I'm wrong

Don't Ieave me, Naina. I'm perfect for you...

- the way I am. - Ma'am, please!

I swear Naina, I am perfect...

- She's gone too. - Yeah

- Found anyone? - No

No one's worth it. Come, Iet's try elsewhere

Naina! Stop, my dear!

- Stop, my dear! - Stop, aunt

Stop!

- Stop, Naina! - Look at them!

- It's your mother. - Ma...?

- Stop, my dear! - Aunt

Children...

- Stop, dear! - Stop, aunt

- What are you doing here...? - Naina, I've Iearnt everything

- You were at the hostel... - Please don't Ieave us

Please aunt

Where are you going, my dear?

If you want to Ieave, fine. But tell me something

In this false show of marriage...

didn't your heart beat even once for Sameer?

When he scolded you, when he admired you, when he touched you...

didn't your heartstrings strum? Tell me, my child

- They did, I know. - You shut up

What have I done?

My child, you faked it all the while when you harassed me

But now you are really harassing me. It'II kill me

I have never hit anyone

Don't blame me if I hit you now

My child...

Ma-ji, hit me. It's my mistake

Forgive me please. I'd never have made this mistake

It's all your son's...

- Thank you, Naina. - Not thank-you...

- apologise to her. - Sorry, Naina

Good boy

- Can we go home now? - Let's go

- Well... my Lord... - Yes?

- Won't you come home? - Just...

That's it! No excuses!

Excuse me... is she flying or not?

Why'd she fly when she has found a nice boy to hang out with?

On second thoughts... can you wait for three more days?

She'II certainly come back crying... guaranteed!

I'd rather be a doctor than an actor