Original subtitles

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["I'm a tramp" plays]

♪ I'm a vagabond ♪

♪Soy and solitaire♪

♪ And I have seen every city and town ♪

♪ I will pass by here And I will die here ♪

♪ And some stranger will take me down ♪

♪ I sat in the shade of an old apple orchard ♪

♪ Watch the big trucks go by ♪

♪ I shared a grape soda with a man from Dakota ♪

♪ And seen ♪

♪ A June beetle ♪

♪ In July ♪

♪ I'm a vagabond ♪

♪Soy and solitaire♪

♪ I have seen every city and town ♪

♪ I will pass by here And I will die here ♪

♪ And some stranger will take me down ♪

♪ I've played basketball through the hoop of a barrel ♪

♪ And I struggled to learn to swim ♪

♪ Although sometimes I think that maybe I was once a baby ♪

♪ I just ♪

♪ Pretend ♪

♪I was him♪

♪ I'm a vagabond ♪

♪I'm a loner♪

♪ And I have seen every city And town ♪

♪ I will pass by here And I will die here ♪

♪ And some stranger will take me down ♪

♪ I'm a vagabond ♪

♪I'm a loner♪

♪ And I have seen every city and town ♪

♪ And I will pass by here And I will die here ♪

♪ And some stranger will take me down ♪

♪ A stranger will take me down ♪

♪ Down ♪

♪ Everything I do reminds me of you ♪

♪ I can't get you out of my life ♪

♪ I tried to forget ♪

♪ The night we met ♪

♪ You keep bothering me in my mind... ♪

Come on.

Where are you?

♪ Everywhere No matter where you go ♪

♪ I just can't escape 'Cause I'm hung up on you ♪

♪ Treat me badly, you're just using me♪

[cat meows]

[mysterious music]

[cat purring, meowing]

[Mildred] Oh, good cat.

Here we go.

[Woman screaming] Mildred, do you want something to eat?

[whispering] Mom, shut up.

[Bead Curtain Whisper]

What, I don't hear you?

[Mildred] Can you make me some toast?

Sure.

And I know exactly how you like them.

Razor-sharp triangles with no crust?

Yes, that's true.

One more thing, Mildred.

[Mildred] What? I'm in the middle of something.

What are the magic words?

[Mildred] Please.

Well, that's a magical, singular word.

I want the magic words, plural.

Mom, I'm trying to catch Jonesie.

in an intricate homemade trap.

Can this wait?

Sorry, why in the name of sodomy?

Are you trying to catch our poor, sweet, innocent cat?

-Practice. -[Mom] For what?

For the Panthera Pardus

that has been haunting our nature lately.

You may know him by his pseudonym,

The Canterbury Panther.

Panthera Pardus, name of...

-[Mildred] Pseudonym. -[Mom] Pseudonym.

You probably know a lot of words.

Isn't that right, my girl?

I'm a bookworm with a driver's license, so...

Yes, I sure know a lot of words.

Hmm...

But do you know the magic words?

Mother!

Oh come on, just say them,

and I'm going to go get your toasted triangles.

I love you.

Continue...

With...everything...

of me...

heart.

Was it that difficult?

Yes, really yes.

[mocks]

[Mildred] It was.

[ominous music]

-[Jonesie meows softly] -[Mildred whispers] Ha!

Yes, there we go, kitten.

That's all.

Yeah.

Come on, Jonesie.

AND...

Dinner is served.

[snare clicks]

-[Mildred gasps] -[string hits]

[Jonesie meows softly]

[Metal objects collide]

Ah!

- Jonesy? -[Jonesie purrs]

[Mildred] Psh!

Excellent!

Mother?

[Mildred gasps]

If you surprise me again, I'll pee myself.

And you will have to clean it.

[The floor creaks]

Mother?

[Mildred moans]

Mother?

-[screams] Mom! -[screams with echo]

[Doctor] I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that you will need a new toaster.

Well, that's over.

The good news is that you won't need a new mom.

Hurrah.

Hey, your toaster exploded.

I don't know what the odds are of that happening.

But you know which button to press

When do you start the roasting process?

Well, that button was defective.

And that gave your mother a big scare,

His body became all... gelatinous,

and she flew back, and then her head hit the bench,

and then fell into a coma.

How about?

[Doctor] Yeah, well, she's not dead.

Well, don't worry about that.

But she's not completely alive either.

She is in this wonderful dream underworld.

I know what a coma is.

Will she be okay?

Well, listen to me carefully,

Is he okay, Mildred?

I don't talk to you like a doctor would to a child.

Alright? I'm talking about this soul...

to the soul

Will it be okay, yes or no?

Well, yeah... [sighs]. Yeah.

But he has what is called a brain hemorrhage.

OK? Then we'll have to keep her here.

for at least a week,

until it stabilizes.

A week?

No, he was supposed to take me camping tomorrow.

I had it all planned.

He finally took some time off from work. He promised.

The campsite will have to wait.

I'm afraid, Mildred.

But first things first.

Where is your dad?

-[mysterious music] -[airplane whistling]

[bell ringing]

Hello.

I'm Strawn. Strawn Wise.

Mildred's biological father.

The magician

Illusionist.

Magician sounds...

Cheap. [laughs softly]

[floorboards creak]

[floorboards creak]

[floorboards creak]

[floorboards creak]

-Can I come in? -Can I see some identification?

[Straw] Identification?

Yes, it means Identification Document.

I'd love to show you some identification, but there's a problem.

You see, you really have it.

-I have it? -[Srawn] That's right.

What did you mean, friend?

[quietly] You have my ID.

Do I do it? Where?

Fair...

[laughs softly]

I have to say it.

Normally, magicians give me the creeps and embarrass the hell out of me.

but you're actually half decent.

Access granted.

[Dotty] Oh look buddy, just so you know,

I didn't hug the girl.

Although God knows she needs one.

[Strawn gasps] I'm sorry, what?

[Dotty] Your daughter.

I specifically didn't hug her.

Because?

I've heard so many horror stories, okay?

You can't be too careful

with other people's children these days... Touching them and...

Even hugs are prohibited.

Yeah, I... I guess so.

Alright. Leave. Take care of the girl.

She is there, glued to a book, as always.

I'm next door to the right if you need anything.

-Yes, thanks. -Alright.

-Hmm? -No.

[takes a deep breath]

[bells jingling]

Mildred, it's me. Strawn. Your dad.

I just flew to the other side of the world.

Be with you, miss.

And I'm sorry for your mom, but she'll be fine.

It's official.

A licensed medical professional has officially informed you

Is she officially going to be okay?

Is that what you mean by "official"?

Well... no, I... I mean,

She will be fine. [laughs softly]

I'm sure that.

I'm pretty sure.

Hey, do you want to see something amazing?

I said, do you want to see something amazing?

Will it take a long time?

-No. -Good.

Show me something amazing.

Go ahead and pick a card.

Now, look at it.

Don't tell me what it is

Return it to the deck.

Alright.

Is this your card?

No.

[laughs softly] Sorry.

It sounded like you said "no."

It sounded like I said no, because I actually said "no."

Well.

-Is this your card? -I'm afraid it is not.

[laughs] Okay.

Is that your card?

I can lie and say "Yes" if that helps.

-This? -[Mildred] No. I'm sorry.

-This? -[Mildred] No.

-This? -Look, it's okay...

-Damn. -Wait!

[finger snaps]

Now... Please pick up your jaw from the floor and tell me.

Is that your card?

[Clicks his tongue] Right.

Before we get to whether or not that's my card,

Let me make one thing clear.

Yes. What is that?

[Mildred] Am I right in my assumption?

that you escaped to the backyard

to stick that card to the window

Before you rush to ring the front doorbell again?

No. [laughs]

It's... It's called magic.

I use the power of magic.

Did you or didn't you?

Come on, I won't be mad at you.

I just want you to tell me the truth.

[mocks]

Good. Yeah, uh, yeah, okay.

But that's your card.

Good?

Mistaken.

It's your card.

-No... it's... my... card. -[series]

-Of course it is. -Good.

I give up. It's my letter.

Bravo, very well done. Spectacular magic trick.

Are you being sarcastic?

Hmm.

Umm... How about you show me your room?

[pleasant music]

I can't say it's been a long time

in the dormitories of 11-year-old girls,

But this is not what I expected.

What did you expect?

A pink dollhouse?

Images of palaces and unicorns and princesses?

Basically.

What was on your walls when you were 11 years old?

Lots of David Copperfield posters.

[surprised] Do you like David Copperfield?

Do you like it? [scoffs] More like love.

Same.

I'm almost obsessed with telling the truth.

David Copperfield was my life growing up.

Alright. So we have something in common.

It's a good start.

Yeah.

Very good start.

What are the chances that we have exactly the same favorite book?

Oh no. I... I'm talking about

David Copperfield, the illusionist of the 90s?

Oh.

I'm talking about David Copperfield,

Charles Dickens' novel from the 1840s.

Oh, I don't know what that is.

[clucks his tongue] I guess we don't have

Something in common, after all?

[inquisitive music]

What is this?

This...

It's the Canterbury Panther.

We could say that it is our version of Bigfoot.

There have been sightings for decades,

But no one has ever obtained definitive proof.

So, they are offering 50,000

for actual video evidence of its existence.

I... I still don't really know New Zealand money.

Is that a lot?

Yes, it's a lot of money.

Mom and I need a lot of money right now.

[sighs]

He was supposed to take me camping to look for it.

Well, well.

I mean...

I could take you, maybe?

[inquisitive music]

Actually?

Sure.

It might help you take your mind off everything related to your mother.

I mean, I don't know anything about camping.

I've never been, but, you know, maybe we could go.

Just... fast?

Are you sure?

[ominous music]

[Man screaming]

Ah, you know, now that I think about it,

I... I don't think it's a good idea.

We left with the first light of dawn.

[nervously] Mm-hmm.

[engine chugging]

[wind whistle]

Hey, stay with me. Everything will be fine.

[Srawn] You know where you're going, right?

[Playing "Tarot"]

♪ Jet white dove ♪

♪ Snow-black snake ♪

♪ Time has changed his face ♪

♪ From the edge of mystery ♪

♪Where running is not a race♪

♪ Ageless night

♪ Careless day... ♪

[Boy screaming] Hey!

♪ Destiny extends its hand to us... ♪

-[boy] Hello! -♪ Touch the edge of.... ♪

[boy] Hello!

[boy] Hello!

♪ A story without ending ♪

Hey!

I know you.

You are wise like Strawn.

The magician, right?

-Illusionist. But if. -[surprised laughter]

I just knew it was you.

And who is this cute brat?

That's my biological daughter, Mildred.

biological daughter. It is?

Hello, Mildred. I'm Reginald.

You look like a Reginald.

That name suits you.

You have a perfect name-face match.

[sighs relieved]

I used to watch your show on TV.

Oh! Thank you.

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

Yes. I used to watch after my night shift.

It was at 4:00 am.

[Mildred] So it's top-notch material.

[Reginald] It's a shame we don't have it here anymore.

Nobody understands it anymore.

-That? -It is no longer working.

Here or anywhere.

It was cancelled.

Actually, halfway through the first season, so...

Yes, I... I don't have a program anymore.

Oh.

I guess the other guy

It kind of hijacked the spotlight a little bit.

Is it fair to say it?

Who? David?

[Reginald] Yes, yes.

I never liked it.

He had sewn up his own ass, it seemed.

Oh.

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say that.

Can you still levitate?

Of course I can. [laughs softly]

What are you waiting for? Forward!

[Straw] What?

Nowhere?

Yeah! Go ahead, Strawn.

Levitate for an old fan.

[mysterious music]

[Mildred] Is levitation a long process?

I ask because we have a lot of ground to cover today.

[Strawn] Okay!

I can feel the power, specifically in my feet.

I am referring specifically to the power of levitation.

[strident and sinister music]

Oh.

Oh, that's crazy.

Ah, is this really happening?

I don't know... He's actually levitating.

But.

He is not levitating.

What do you mean?

He put all his weight on the tip of one foot.

while lifting both heels off the ground,

thus creating the illusion of levitation

from your point of view.

[Reginald] Oh yeah. You were right.

Regards, Strawn.

Applause to destroy without anyone's help

My belief in the power of magic.

I appreciate it very much, brother.

Do you want an autograph?

Yes, go ahead.

[melodious whistle]

[Strawn] You didn't have to do it, you know?

Break the illusion that is back there.

[Mildred] You were tricking him with fake magic.

It was painful to see.

[Strawn scoffs] What?

[Mildred] You'll have to forgive my bluntness.

I am what is commonly called a "brutal realist."

[Srawn] A Brutal Realist Who Really Believes

There is a real giant panther here.

[Mildred] Panthers exist. Levitation no.

I'm afraid that's all.

[straw grunts]

[Mildred] Keep going.

Peanut butter and jelly.

What do you think?

Does old Strawn have any skills at making sandwiches?

It must be an American delicacy.

I can't say I'm a fan myself.

but calories are calories,

And here they are scarce.

Know? You don't talk like a...

Like a normal child?

I know.

I wasn't going to say it exactly like that.

But if.

What I mean is that you don't have to dress up all fancy.

sound more sophisticated than you are. [series]

Yes, says the magician.

who insists on being called an illusionist.

[articulating]

I mean--

[Playing guitar with melody]

[Srawn] So how's school going?

Are you going through a difficult time?

[Mildred] Why should I have a hard time, Strawn?

-No, no, I didn't mean anything... -If you want to know,

I am the best in my class.

Excellent grades at all times.

I'm captain of the netball team and...

Believe it or not, I was officially voted in

The most popular girl in school last winter.

Wow.

My boyfriend, Clarence, Clarence Hargreaves,

He is the dreamiest boy in the whole school.

He looks like Hercules.

and her hair smells like apricot jam. [series]

A hard moment... "A hard moment"?

I find it difficult to stay away from that place.

School is like heaven to me,

academically, athletically and socially.

What, seriously?

No, not really.

I despise the school and everyone in it.

We're losing the light of day

faster than I'm comfortable with.

Let's pick up the pace, okay?

[Srawn] What are the chances of a mythical panther?

Appearing here?

[Mildred hums]

[flies buzzing]

[Straw] Jesus!

[melancholic music]

-Do you think...? -[Mildred] Yes.

Yeah.

One wrong move and...

That could be us.

He is here. He is here and he is watching us.

[dramatic music]

[vegetation rustle]

Oh, God.

[broken twigs]

[both gasp]

Oh I'm sorry.

It's not so mythical anymore, right?

Aha, aha.

[Mildred] Come on.

[adventure music playing]

[pants]

[Mildred screams] Strawn!

Straw?

Having fun?

We're taking it all in, aren't we?

Do you want me to help you?

I thought you'd never ask.

[Srawn] What can I do?

[Mildred] You could start a fire.

How is that done?

I would give you a tutorial, but...

At the moment,

I'm in the middle of setting up our damn tent.

I have an idea.

-[spark explodes] -[Mildred gasps]

H... How did you...?

It's called magic.

[pop]

It's actually called a thumb flint.

An essential weapon in any illusionist's arsenal.

[sighs]

I just realized I only brought one.

[owl hooting]

[Straw] So...

How is your mom?

[Mildred] She's in an induced coma,

floating between life and death.

Thanks for asking.

No, I mean, aside from the whole coma thing.

Overall, how was it?

She talks too much, she works too much,

and she has terrible taste in men.

No offense.

But she means well.

She does the best she can,

But you could tell he's struggling.

I... I don't...

Your sister, my aunt,

He is affected by the old nonsense of substance abuse.

No, it's not fair.

It's not nonsense. It's a disease.

Anyway, Mom took out a bunch of loans.

to put her in rehabilitation.

Now...

She's deep in the hole.

Fifty thousand deep.

Jesus.

Why did you think I was looking for this panther?

The reward is 50k for a video of the matter.

Problem solved, right?

Mom will get out of trouble

and not having to juggle three stupid jobs.

Also, you know...

I really want to see a big, giant panther.

Mm.

Good.

I don't know about you, but I'm completely high.

Before entering,

Can I do one thing?

perfectly clear?

What's that?

I know you have a belly full of beans.

But this store...

It's a fart-free zone.

Clear?

Clear.

[Strawn] I'm sorry things never worked out with your mom.

I asked him to stay with me in Las Vegas.

When he told me he was...

When you...

When I was pregnant, you know?

I offered,

but...she wanted to stay here.

I don't want you to think that I... I didn't love you.

or something like that.

It's just that...

It's a lot.

I only met your mom once,

for a couple of hours.

[sighs]

It is a very complicated situation.

You're not a normal kid, so...

I feel like I can say...

Good evening, Mildred.

You're not really asleep are you?

Good night, Strawn.

[farts ripped]

[fart screeches]

Very sorry.

[rustle of dry leaves]

-[twigs snapping] -[leaves rustling]

[loud roar]

[low growl]

[Mildred] Hmm...

Jesus.

That? What is it?

I heard a creepy sound.

Am I still dreaming?

Or did a 42-year-old man do it?

I actually just woke up an 11 year old girl.

to tell him that he heard a creepy sound in the night.

I'm sorry.

It doesn't matter.

Go back to sleep.

[ominous music]

[dripping stream]

[birds chirping]

[straw grunts]

[wailing]

-[Mildred] Good morning, Strawn. -Yeah.

Sleep well?

Not precisely.

I feel a strange, bubbly sensation in my stomach.

I know. I'm very excited too.

Grab some caffeine and let's move.

Know...

You can call me "Dad."

Why would I do that?

Most daughters call their dads "dad."

Most daughters see their parents more than once a decade.

Maybe one day you'll really call me dad.

-[reverbs] -[bells jingling]

And maybe one day,

You will really do a magic trick that will impress me.

[uplifting music]

What is it?

We're going to have to find shelter.

It will rain very hard and very soon.

[Strawn] What? The sky looks good.

[Mildred] What's missing?

-[Strawn] Clouds? -[Mildred] Birds, Strawn.

They become scarce in a good downpour.

[laughs] I think you're wrong.

I'm pretty sure it's not going to rain.

[rain patter]

[Srawn] So, do you go camping a lot?

[Mildred] This is my first time.

[Straw] What?

I've always asked mom to take me,

But you know what she is like.

Actually, you don't.

I forgot.

She has me wrapped in cotton.

And bubble wrap.

He barely lets me play in the backyard.

He still wants to walk me to school, you know?

It does wonders for my social life, as you can imagine.

Does he ever talk about me?

Why would I do that?

[laughs dryly]

She'll be fine, you know that.

She is in good hands.

It's...it's okay...

be afraid

It's normal.

[Mildred] So...

What is the average working day?

What does an illusionist look like?

Well, uh, I make appearances.

Parties.

In fact, last week,

I just threw a big celebrity's birthday party.

Wow.

[series]

You know, you could try to be a little more respectful.

I'm sure I could.

I just can't promise that I will.

[Strawn] I work hard, you know, to support you and your mom.

[Mildred] Levitation and card tricks?

I'm sure it's exhausting work.

[Srawn] What I do is both

Physically and mentally exhausting.

My wrist strength is equivalent

that of a professional wrestler.

Do you think it's easy to make a hundred balloon animals?

For Vin Diesel's children?

Balloon animals.

And they say air traffic controllers have stressful jobs.

And what the hell is a Vin Diesel?

Only the protagonist of the greatest franchise in the history of cinema.

Well, anyway, whatever,

People need magic in their lives.

I'm doing the best I can.

I'm doing my best not to hit you in the balls.

What did I do to you? Hey?

Why are you angry with me? What... what is this?

Oh, you really want to have this conversation,

Right here, right now?

One...

I don't know.

-No, maybe not. -[Vegetation Whisper]

Yeah, let's not do it...

-That? -Don't move.

[vegetation rustle]

Remain completely still.

Is this just a trick so he can hit me in the "balls"?

No.

[snarl]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Mildred whispers] Strawn, listen to me.

Do not, I repeat, do not move.

-[mumbling] It's the... -[Mildred] Panther.

[whispers] It's the panther.

[Strawn whispers] What do we do? What do we do?

[Mildred] Shhh.

-[panther growl] -[Mildred] Shut up.

-Panthers kill people. -I said shut up.

Well why wouldn't it kill us?

[Mildred] Because, A, he hasn't seen us yet.

And B, we will stay very still,

Very quiet and very calm.

[Mildred gasps]

[The panther snorts and roars]

That's not good, is it?

-Umm... Shall we run?

Do you think you can outrun a panther?

I don't know, can I?

[Mildred] No, Strawn. No, you can't.

At least there is water between us.

Cats hate water, right?

Panthers are exceptional swimmers, actually.

-And what do we do? -We stay still.

We don't move and we don't make noise.

[The panther growls softly]

[The panther growls softly]

[bushes rustle]

[Both sigh]

[shivers]

[Straw murmurs]

[Mildred sobs]

[whispers] Mom, if you can hear me, everything is going to be okay.

I promise.

PS: I love you with all my heart.

There. Happy?

Mildred... [panting]

Did you get the footage?

I already have it. I already have it.

[Straw pants]

How are you?

[wheezes]

That was... a close encounter.

Of the fifty thousandth type.

[laughs nervously]

[Straw pants]

[panther growl]

[Strawn] Mildred, look.

I'm sorry.

Because he is an absent father?

That? No, I... I mean, for doubting you.

About the panther.

And for the whole absent father thing too.

I'm sorry about that.

Yes, and I'm sorry for

Threatening to punch you in the balls.

It was rude and unnecessary.

And pretty Freudian, if you think about it.

Uh, not to change the subject,

but they are eating you alive.

[mosquitoes buzz]

You know, most people just squash those bugs.

Yes, no... not me. I'm not a murderer.

Uh, it always made me feel guilty as a kid killing bugs.

It made me sad

thinking about their babies and wondering where they went.

-That? -Don't move.

That?

You have a weta on your shoulder.

-[Strawn] What, a weta? -[Mildred] A weta.

[ominous music]

[shouting]

God, what the fuck is that?

What the fuck is that? [screams]

Do you think her babies will wonder where she went?

[pants heavily]

Mom said you used to be on TV.

You were a very important magician.

But then another important magician appeared.

and you became a small-time magician.

Oh, David Blaine.

We used to be friends.

Until he stabbed me in the back.

He stabbed me and stabbed me.

And he stabbed me.

[mocks]

We met doing illusions on the streets of New York.

[indistinct background chatter]

They became inseparable.

He was like an older brother to me.

We both got our own TV shows.

First him, then me.

His show was called Street Magic.

Mine was called Twizted Illusions.

The "s" and Twizted was a "z."

Tangled?

One day we were walking through Central Park.

in a horse-drawn carriage.

[A horse is heard neighing in the background]

We were both wearing burgundy velvet shorts.

I told him I had a series of television specials planned.

[Indistinct background speech]

I had everything figured out.

I explained all this to him.

"I'll be buried alive for a week in Central Park."

The same park we were walking through.

[Srawn talking in the background]

"Then it would be frozen in the block of ice for 72 hours."

"Then I would stand on top of a tall pillar for 35 hours."

-[the horse neighs] -[the man laughs]

He just laughed at me.

He said I was crazy.

"No one could pull off one of these stunts,

And much less the three."

And then the little greasy worm

He goes and launches my ideas,

as if they were yours.

Sign a... contract for millions

and starts ignoring my calls.

So I go and confront that bastard.

It's at this shark-themed bar in Las Vegas.

He's there with all his new showbiz friends.

Some names you may have heard.

DiCaprio, Maguire, Faustino, Haas, Tip.

As in Q-Tip.

-The famous rapper. -Alright.

They all wear backwards baseball caps.

And those baggy black suits with one pant leg rolled up.

Like an inside joke, or a ritual, or something.

Anyway, I... I'm going to talk to David.

Know? Ask him why he did that to me.

After everything we've been through.

Do you know what he did?

He just smiles at me,

and slowly poured his drink over my head.

And then everyone started barking at me.

Like dogs.

Barking. Barking.

And barking.

[imitates bark]

And David was the one who barked the loudest.

His face was all red and sweaty.

His lips were turning blue.

It's like he's having a seizure or something.

And what did you do?

What I always do when I see something scary.

He ran away.

As fast as I could, as far as I could.

The next thing I knew was that

I'm in the desert, on my knees, vomiting.

I can see little pieces of squid tentacles in my vomit.

It's the last thing I remember.

The next few months will be somewhat confusing.

Anyway, I...

I moved back in with my mom for a while.

I just couldn't do much.

A year later, I...

I started... [sighs]

putting things back together

You know, street card tricks,

Booking concerts, parties.

And somewhere in the middle of all this,

you met my mom

I met your mom.

Yeah.

[Mildred] I once found his secret diary.

She said she met you on a girls' trip to Las Vegas.

It says I was conceived

in the parking lot of a convenience store.

That's not entirely true, is it?

Yeah.

They say romance is dead.

You're wrong about one thing though.

[Straw] What is that?

You don't run away from everything that scares you.

Are you sure about that?

I mean...

You are here, right?

You flew to the other side of the world to...

Take care of a child you have never met.

And in the desert, too.

Maybe you have character after all.

Thank you.

Now let's get some sleep, okay?

[The song "Seasons Come and Seasons Go" plays]

♪ Dogwood flowers float against ♪

♪ The bank of the stream covered with ice ♪

♪ A tender blade of new green grass ♪

♪ He's bravely pushing up through the melting snow ♪

♪ Spring breathes Ruffles in my hair ♪

♪ And whispers softly everywhere ♪

♪ Telling secrets in my eyes ♪

♪ Search the field ♪

♪ For your hello ♪

♪ The seasons come ♪

♪ The seasons pass ♪

♪ Lightning darts among the pines ♪

♪ Caught in a summer storm ♪

♪ Soaked I look at the newly plowed land ♪

♪ With streams between each row ♪

♪ I almost feel you next to me ♪

♪ And awaken a memory ♪

♪ That hangs suspended With a sigh ♪

♪ And gently weaves its path ♪

♪ Through my bedroom window ♪

♪ The seasons come... ♪

[laugh]

♪ The seasons pass ♪

[Straw] Hey!

That was like six jumps.

-[Mildred] Yes. -Very good, ready?

[man and woman shouting] Kia ora!

Father and daughter on a short walk

Walking through the beautiful wilderness of New Zealand.

Is this what I'm seeing here?

-Yeah. -Of course it is.

Hello, I am...

I'm Arnold and this is my beautiful wife, Angelina.

Suffering lady. [series]

I am Strawn.

And this is my biologist... eh...

[clucks his tongue] M-- my daughter, Mildred.

Oh, a real American, huh?

Yes, I guess I am.

[Angelina] I had never met a real American before.

I mean I've seen

Although there are many American soap operas.

[laughs] It's all he does all day,

Look at those damn American soap operas.

They can be addictive.

That's why they end with cliffhangers.

It's to make you desperate to see the next episode.

It's basically to make you watch commercials.

That's how television works. It's a little embarrassing.

I mean there should be laws against it.

It's disgusting.

So... are you enjoying New Zealand?

I... I quite like it. Believe.

Well, we're heading there,

You know, the big rocks where they made the movie.

Where was Liam Neeson, the talking lion?

-[Strawn] Oh. -[Arnold] Why don't you join us?

I could use some adult conversation.

I could too.

Then tell me everything.

What is it like growing up in the United States?

I would love to tell you,

But since I have never set foot on American soil,

I don't have the slightest idea.

But your dad...

He lives there. I live here.

Don't you want to live there with him?

I mean, if I were a boy,

I'd rather grow up in America than boring old New Zealand.

Let's see.

I don't like assault rifles.

I don't like high fives.

I don't like corn syrup.

I don't like people who say "friend" or "of course."

And I despise the word "friend" with every atom of my being.

I'm not sure America has much to offer me.

[laughs uneasily] No...

Talk like a normal child?

-I know. -[series]

[Arnold] So what's your craft?

[Srawn] I'm an illusionist.

Illusionist? As? Like a magician?

-Yeah. -Like David Blaine?

Oh man. I adore him.

I mean, it's literally magical, don't you think?

I mean, nothing compares to it.

Nothing even comes close.

-Don't you think? -Yeah.

What about you?

I? I'm... I'm a cardiac surgeon.

Yes. I don't pretend to play my own trombone,

but I am among the five best cardiac surgeons

throughout Oceania.

Wow.

I think I was really impressed by that.

A lot of people are, you know?

And so it must be,

It's an impressive job, don't you think?

I literally saved lives.

If someone was dying

and I ended up being there, saving their lives.

So, anyway... I'm the magician here.

[Both laugh]

No offense.

[Mildred and Angelina laugh out loud]

-[Angelina] Very good. -[Both laugh]

[Mildred] Hmm...

[indistinct chatter]

She's really good with kids huh?

Yeah, well, some people are.

Some people are not.

[Arnold laughs softly]

[thunder echoing in the distance]

Listen, friend, there's something I wanted to tell you.

What's that?

You have to promise...

Let's just stay cool, calm and collected about it, huh?

Chilling like Bob Dylan.

Promise?

Sure, yes, I promise. What is it?

I have kidnapped your daughter.

[Strawn laughs]

[laughs] Excuse me?

You will see,

I know it doesn't seem like it.

like a conventional kidnapping.

But a kidnapping is exactly what it is.

[Strawn laughs nervously]

I... I don't understand.

Good...

She is in my custody.

And I am going to make some demands of you.

And if those demands are not met,

She remains in my custody.

Until I let her go.

Because let's be honest,

That's a lot of dead weight to carry across this terrain.

Especially with my back pain. [series]

Sorry, no filter.

So, uh...

In case you have any fun ideas,

I wish you knew that, huh,

I have a black belt in karate.

[mocks]

Are you really?

Yes, I really am.

I don't believe you.

Well, you should believe me.

Then do a karate move.

I'm not some dancing monkey boy.

-I don't make movements on request. -Because you don't know karate.

GOOD.

I'm not making any moves.

But I'll show you something.

Take a look and keep it in your memory.

Inside.

What color is it?

It's black.

That's right.

The belt is black.

As in black belt.

As in...

I can karate you and clean you to the bones.

And if I choose

To clean you to a pulp, I will.

If you bother me about that.

Do you understand?

Mmmm.

Alright.

Let's get to the point

of what I want from you.

What do you want from me?

Well, your valuables.

[scoffs] You can't be serious.

As serious as cancer: the rhythm is a dancer,

my friend.

Have you ever received a blood transfusion?

That? Yeah.

Well, see this as a bag transfusion.

[Arnold applauds]

You transfer

The contents of your bag

in my bag. [laughs sarcastically]

Well?

So why don't we start with the mobile phone?

Or as you Yankees like to call it, your "cell phone"?

Come on.

Need I remind you that a black belt in karate?

Has he kidnapped your daughter?

Thank you.

Hey, password, please.

Okay, please. You don't need...

Password?

1981.

It's the year I was born.

Hey, please don't look at any of the photos.

Well that's all I ask.

[Arnold laughs softly]

I wasn't going to look at the photos.

But now you mention it...

No, no, no. Please, please, don't do it.

[Arnold] Oh!

You're a strange little man, aren't you?

Do you know there is a pump you can get for that?

And apparently it works?

Mmmmm.

Alright. Camera?

Please.

Please don't do this.

This is my daughter's, it means a lot to her.

Yes, and it will mean a lot to me too.

[straw grunts]

But I'll call the police. I know their names.

[laughs] What?, huh...

Arnold and Angelina?

Think about it a little.

Where have you heard those names before?

YO...

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Angelina Jolie?

And what do they have in common?

[Straw] They are...

[Both] Actors.

[Arnold] And what do the actors do?

They...

Pretend to be other people.

[Arnold laughs mockingly]

I... I know your work.

You are one of the leading cardiac surgeons.

You're not a cardiac surgeon, are you?

No.

Well, I know what you are like.

The... the police will make a sketch.

I'll just go home, get my hair cut,

shave my beard,

and no one will recognize me.

What about Angelina?

She will also shave her beard.

Anyway. Wallet. Come on.

Thank you.

Angelina, darling.

[indistinct speech]

Good.

-I think you can finish this. -Yeah.

I'll see what those two are doing.

[Arnold humming] Goodbye.

Are we all done here?

[Arnold] Yeah, it was a pretty painless operation.

[Arnold and Angelina laugh]

Ooh. Nice rod.

-There you go. -Mm.

I bet that's the first time a woman has ever said that to you.

[Angelina laughs]

Please don't take that, it's my daughter's.

My nephew is desperate for a fishing rod.

Your birthday gift is already resolved.

Thank you.

Grab your matches and your map.

-That will slow them down. -[Arnold laughs evilly]

You are a criminal genius, my love.

[Both laugh evilly]

[Arnold] I want to show you something.

I used to charge my school mates,

One dollar at a time to see this.

-[Straw grunts] -[Arnold laughs]

You don't want to see what I used to charge

Two dollars to see it.

What if I go after you, huh?

[Angelina] Oh. [series]

You just don't seem like that guy.

[Both laugh]

Do you want me to get this?

Yeah.

[Arnold and Angelina] Hello!

[Both laugh]

[snorts]

[pants]

[Mildred] Hey, where did they go?

Hey!

[Mildred's Pants]

I don't want to get sentimental, but...

Today has been a great day.

I have to tell you something.

Are you going to get soft too?

You have to promise that you will stay...

[broken voice] great,

Calm and serene.

Do you promise?

Yes, it's okay, I promise.

They robbed us.

-Sorry? -They kidnapped you.

Yes, very good, Strawn. Very funny.

Seriously, where did they go?

They took you hostage.

They took my phone,

my wallet, the map, the matches,

fishing rod...

The camera.

I... I know it didn't feel like a kidnapping,

But that's what just happened.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

[sobs]

They took everything.

The camera, the test, everything.

And... you just left them?

-I just...

You just gave it to me

On a silver platter.

Very sorry.

Do I need to remind you?

that that camera recording was going to save mom and me

How to prevent it from becoming another depressing well-being statistic?

He was going to save our lives.

You hate me, right?

I actually can't even put it into words.

How much hatred I feel towards you right now.

Did you know?

I can't stand to see you.

Your idiotic nail polish.

And your shit,

Low budget TV magician clothing.

And your hair greasy and unkempt

and those big, dumb, goofy donkey eyes.

Did you know?

You have to get away from me right now.

What was I supposed to do?

-He was a karate master. -Move...

far...from...

I...now.

Mildred, be serious.

Like 20 steps. As if we were in a duel. Come on!

That wasn't 20 steps.

That was like 11 steps. And I can still see you.

Like a greasy stain on the world.

Fuck you, keep going.

[Srawn] It all makes sense now.

What makes sense?

Why don't you have friends at school?

Why your mother never wants to take you camping.

Excuse me?

[Srawn] You know, this whole trip,

You have been nothing more than a first-rate idiot.

Yeah? Well, it takes one to know someone, right?

A pretentious and prickly dwarf.

I know you are. You said you were.

So what am I?

You're an asshole.

Twenty steps? Did you know? Let's say there are fifty.

Know? To hell with that. One hundred and fifty steps.

One, two, three, four,

[voice fades] five, six, seven, eight, nine,

ten, eleven, twelve...

thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen...

119, 120, 121, 122...

123... [pants]

You can never do anything right.

Ungrateful.

[indistinct whisper]

Mildred!

[whisper continues]

[loud whistle]

Hello?

Oh! [gasps]

[deep growl]

[growling]

[strident]

Hello!

[Voice echoes]

[resonant footsteps]

What's up, Mr. Twizted Illusions?

Were you scared by the big, dark, creepy stones?

No.

[sighs]

Yes, okay, I did.

I got lost.

I hurt my ankle.

And I heard some strange sounds.

That made me feel very uncomfortable.

[mocks] Listen to me. We have two options.

Yeah? And are they?

Live or die.

It really is that simple.

Now, I don't know about you,

But I would very much like to live.

And I plan to get that 50 thousand back too.

With you or without you.

We are days away from anywhere.

We have no food, no map, no fishing rod, no matches.

-They took-- -[Mildred] Everything.

I already know. They took everything.

And then? And now what?

Are you familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs?

Abraham Maslow, 1943, The hierarchy of needs.

At the base of the pyramid,

fundamental human needs,

the very foundations of survival,

heat, shelter, food and water.

Shelter, we have.

Warmth, we have.

All in all, we're off to a pretty good start.

Now, since calories are scarce,

I propose that we make camp...

By that lake down there.

We will have food and water at our door.

We can plan our next move from there with a clear mind.

and full bellies.

Now tell me, Strawn,

Can you carve?

Can I what?

[melodious music]

[grunts]

[birds squawking]

Keep going, you're already getting there.

[smiles nervously]

[Mildred] Come on...

-Back off, I have it under control. -Are you sure about that?

[Mildred] Yes, I'm sure of that.

I've read everything about it.

What, just because you read about it doesn't mean...?

Silence. I need to concentrate.

Go and carve.

How did you...?

It's called magic.

The flint of the thumb.

"An essential weapon in any illusionist's arsenal."

I found a spare one.

[Straw] Oh.

Christ.

I'm sorry. I guess I'm not very good at carving.

[Mildred] No, I didn't think you would be.

That's why I asked you to do it.

That?

I wanted to give you something.

occupy your mind, concentrate on something.

It worked.

You've calmed down, right?

We're still stranded here.

And... voila!

Oh.

I'm going in.

[scoffs] What?

What, do you really think you can catch a...?

[Mildred squeals]

[excited laughter]

Look at this huge bug!

[both] Mmm.

[Srawn mutters and laughs]

[Mildred clears her throat]

[In a British accent] Would you like a cup of tea, mate?

Oh.

God, I'd kill for a cup of tea.

Good.

Great pepper.

Known around these parts as Kawakawa.

Bittersweet?

It has powerful antiseptic properties.

And it turns out that it also tastes delicious.

Shove that down your throat.

That's good. Very good.

[Mildred] Mm.

You know, Strawn?

I don't think less of you.

[Srawn] W...what?

That's what you're thinking, right?

That you...failed to be a man.

You shit the bed as a protector.

And your weakness put us in grave danger.

And now we are two of the 8,000 people.

that disappear in New Zealand every year.

All because you are weak.

And naive.

And you refuse to call for action.

Like a coward.

Is that what you really think?

No, no, that's what I think you think.

[Srawn] Which part is not true?

[mocks]

God, I really screwed this up, didn't I?

I let him take it all.

I left it...

I simply handed it to him on a silver platter.

Just like you said.

Are you talking about Arnold or David Blaine?

I'm sorry.

[sighs] Look.

we lost everything

It's a kick in the head, for sure.

But we have to eat well,

air in our lungs and a cozy place to sleep.

We're not done yet, friend.

By no means.

There is no way to fly.

Mildred.

Yeah?

I will take care of you.

[Melodious guitar music plays]

[Mildred] Oh!

See these black and green mushrooms?

Yeah.

Well, if we ever part,

Don't ever eat that.

Because? What happens?

Numbness of the whole body, hallucinations, possible nausea,

and projectile vomiting.

Ooh. It sounds fun.

I'm obviously joking.

Don't take drugs. Drugs are bad.

Drugs destroy families and communities.

[Mildred] Ah, here we go.

Pleurotus Parsonsaie.

Velvety oyster mushrooms.

I always wanted to try this.

Because? It looks disgusting.

You know what looks disgusting?

The corpses that have succumbed to hunger in the desert.

Dead people.

Hello. What's happening?

Mildred, are you okay?

I have to tell you something.

It will change the way you look at me.

Forever, probably, but...

I have to say it.

Well.

I used to wish...

...my mom would just disappear.

I... stayed up at night,

just waiting

that she wouldn't be there when I woke up.

And you would come.

[sobs]

And you would understand me.

You would really understand me.

As if I had never been able to.

[sobs] We would do things together.

All the things mom is afraid to do.

Like going camping.

Hunt.

Fishing.

Know?

Adventure stuff.

And... [sips]

Maybe my wish came true.

But in the wrong way.

[sobs]

YO...

I don't want my mom to leave now.

I don't want her to leave.

[sobs]

[sobs]

And as for you understanding me,

[sobs, sobs]

Here, take a tissue.

[series]

[melodious music]

[heart monitor beep]

Is this what you wanted?

Toast!

[breathes quickly]

Hello. What's happening?

What is it?

I had a bad nightmare and...

And now I need to pee.

I don't want to go alone

Yes that's fine.

Let me get my boots.

[yawns]

[weak and indistinct chatter]

[indistinct argument]

[Arnold]...they're supposed to unite us...

...but at this moment,

All I want is to be a million damn miles away from you.

[Strawn gasps loudly]

-It's them. -Who is it?

Who did you think of?

The bastards that kidnapped me, took our belongings,

They left us for dead, do you think you would remember them?

What should we do?

-Isn't it obvious? -Obvious?

No, it's not obvious.

In fact, this is far from obvious.

Hey. Where are you going?

[indistinct argument]

-Wait here. -That?

[Angelina] You kissed my sister

And I'm supposed to just let it go.

[Arnold] How many times do I have to tell you...?

[Angelina] ...but you just bury your head in the sand

and think that everything is gone.

Go away. Just ignore everything.

-When we have to talk... -Shut up, woman, for the love of God.

Let it go, please.

-All night. -Let him go?

You've been with me all night.

[Angelina] You kissed my sister.

You want me to let it go.

Number one. It was five years ago.

-[Arnold] Can't you let it go? -[Angelina] My sister.

-[Arnold] Number two... -[Angelina] My sister!

[Arnold] ...I was drunk. She was drunk.

[Arnold] Number three.

She was terrible in bed, her breath stank...

Being an adult... You know, I mean...

Relationships are so fucking complicated.

Shh. Just listen.

[Angelina] ...vomit-flavored stick...

[Arnold] All I want is to get some sleep.

Please, I beg you.

[Angelina] Yes. Sweet dreams.

[Arnold] Oh, shut up, woman.

Wait. You're not seriously going to grab our stuff, are you?

I'm seriously going to grab our things.

Well, this is the plan.

I'm going to grab his bag and throw it to you.

Just like a rugby ball.

Then we will both run towards our tent.

-Yeah? -That?

And lead them directly back to our headquarters?

Oh yes.

You are absolutely right.

Well.

I'm going to run up to that high ground over there.

What if they catch us?

-They won't. -Because?

Because I'm going to throw my boots at them

into the forest and unzip the tent.

Alright. That's officially it.

The craziest thing I've ever heard.

I know. I'm very excited too.

[loud snoring]

[Clicks his tongue] Okay.

Do you hear that?

They are already snoring.

We need to move with maximum speed.

and maximum stealth.

Go! Go! Go.

-Wait, wait, wait. -[Mildred] No, no, no.

Jesus!

[loud snoring]

[zipper creaks]

[tense music]

Shh...shh.

-[Metal clicks] -[Arnold] Ah.

-[Arnold] What's wrong? -[Mildred] Come on, come on!

Intruders!

Thieving pigs!

I'm going to kill you!

I will kill you! Ah!

[Arnold screams]

Get them, Jethro.

[Angelina] It's our property now!

[Strawn screams, gasps]

Come here, boy.

I will kill you! I will kill you!

[Arnold] That's my thing!

-He's going to catch us! -No, it won't.

How can you be sure?

Look at the ground!

[Arnold] Come back here!

-[Twig snapped] -Ah... Ah.

[Both laughing]

Here!

[Both laugh]

Ah!

[wailing]

[sobs loudly]

Ah! [sobs]

[both gasp]

[Arnold laments in the distance]

[Mildred] Oh.

[wind whistle]

[Arnold howling in the distance]

[Arnold shouts] Listen, puppets!

Before it was not personal,

But now it's really personal!

Ohhh, I've made a catastrophic mistake.

[Strawn] What? Because?

It seemed that I had guided us...

[water running]

at the edge of the cliff.

[Straw] Oh.

[disheartening music]

One...

Good...

I guess we could hide.

And slowly we returned to camp.

We need to make sure we still have the proof.

-Take the camera. -Good.

Here.

[camera clicks]

[Arnold] Okay.

[Arnold] It's okay, honey.

Looking great.

[Arnold and Angelina laugh]

That's it, beautiful, give me a little more hair.

How is that?

[Arnold] Oh, you look beautiful. Right now...

Move it, move it like your sister.

[Arnold murmurs]

What did you say?

[Arnold] I said, move your hair.

That?

They recorded over it.

[sobs]

And they drained the damn battery.

[Strawn] Fifty thousand. He left again.

Straw?

We may have some more pressing issues right now.

What could be more urgent than this?

Oh, this is definitely more urgent.

Yes, exactly what I think.

He looks hungry. They become bold when they are hungry.

Maybe there's some food in his bag.

Slowly approach and take a look.

[panther growls]

-[Mildred] Anything? -Huh, huh.

Let's see if they like ham sandwiches.

[Arnold growls]

[panther growls]

[sniffs, snorts]

[panther growls]

Okay, let's go. We have to move.

[Mildred moans]

[The panther roars]

-[The panther snorts] -No!

Can panthers climb ropes?

[The growling intensifies]

No, they can't.

[screams] Okay, come up.

Go, go, go.

[Mildred screams and gasps]

-[Mildred screams] -Don't stop moving.

-[panther growls] -[straw moans]

Pretty kitty!

-[The panther roars] -[Screams]

[intense music]

-[The panther growls] -[Straw] Keep going.

Don't stop!

[straw moans]

-[The panther growls] -[Strawn screams]

[The panther roars]

He's trying to break the rope!

[Mildred moans]

-[Mildred moans] -[Strawn screams]

[Mildred screams]

[Mildred] Oh!

[Srawn] We'll make it.

Oh. Oh, my hands hurt.

I can't take it anymore.

-You can do it. -[Mildred] Oh.

Keep going.

Oh!

[straw grunts]

I can't do it

Yes you can. You can do it.

[grunts]

[Mildred screams]

[Srawn] You got it, okay.

Ah!

[laughs]

I'm coming.

[straw grunts]

Now, wait!

-[The rope breaks] -[Mildred screams]

[Straw] No, no, no, no, no.

[both] No!

[Mildred] Help me!

[screams] Help!

-[Mildred] Strawn! -I'm coming.

-[Mildred screams] -[Strawn] Mildred!

[Mildred] I'm slipping.

Don't let it go

[Mildred screams] No!

[Straw] No, no, no!

Wait!

Strawn! Aid!

[Straw] Mildred!

[straw grunts]

[Both scream]

-[Srawn growls] -Don't let go of me!

-[Srawn] Oh, I got you. -[Mildred screams] No!

I got you. Look at me.

-Don't let him... -Mildred!

-Mildred, look at me. -No...

Wrist strength of a professional wrestler.

Remember?

[wailing]

Now, just stay calm.

When you're ready, I want you...

-[Mildred screams] -[The panther roars]

[Both scream]

-[Strawn growls] -[Mildred] No!

[Both scream]

[panther growls]

[high-pitched whistle]

[dogs barking in the distance]

[rumble]

[clamorous]

-[dogs barking] -[thunder clapping]

[straw grunts]

Mildred.

[grunts]

Ah!

[Mildred screams]

[Straw] Ah!

[Mildred screams loudly]

Mildred!

[Mildred screams]

Strawn, help me, help me, please!

Oh God!

[screams] Don't move it.

-[gasps] -[Mildred screams in pain]

-[Straw] Jesus. -Aid!

Everything's going to be okay, Mildred.

You'll be fine.

[Shivers] Mushrooms.

Hey?

Why are you talking about mushrooms?

For the pain.

Please.

TRUE. Yeah.

[sobs and screams]

- [Strawn] Come on! Come on! -[Mildred screams in the distance]

Ha!

Oh damn.

-Hey... -[Mildred] Strawn!

Ah! To hell!

[grunts]

[laughs]

I have them all. Which is it?

Green and... Green and black.

This? You're sure?

Yeah.

take my hand

I'm so... so sorry.

Mildred-es?

[weak and indistinct voice]

[Strawn] Wake up.

Hello.

Welcome back.

Feel effervescent.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking that, between being kidnapped,

attacked by a panther,

thrown off a cliff,

and feed you with rare mushrooms,

I have secured my place

on the Mount Rushmore of disappointing parents.

Yes, that's great.

All of that is great.

I'm great

You are great.

The planet is really great.

It's all so fucking cool.

Now might be a good time to get it.

That big, huge, bloody tree of my legs.

-[Both laugh] -Come on, dad.

What did you say?

[Mildred] Huh? Nothing.

You called me "dad"

I did it?

[Srawn] Yes, you did.

Ready?

Alright.

[Mildred laughs deliriously]

[straw grunts]

Come on.

[grunts, groans]

Come on!

[grunts]

[pants]

I... I can't do it.

It's too heavy

Ace of diamonds.

-That? -It's the magic trick...

In the window,

When we met.

I lied to you. I lied to you.

[series]

It was my card.

[Mildred laughs]

Come on, dad. You can do it.

"Believe in magic," that's what you said.

[vibrant music]

[reverberant music booms]

[music intensifies]

[laugh]

[music fades]

[melodious guitar music]

[Mildred] I'm already tired of camping.

Can we go home now?

What are the magic words?

I love you...

With all my heart.

[Angelina] What are you doing?

[Arnold] Well, you may not be familiar with this,

This is called keeping the equipment clean.

[Angelina] Just throw it in the car.

[Strawn] You've got to be kidding me.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Angelina] Okay, look, shut up, Jethro.

Shut up forever.

[Srawn] Okay, okay, I got it.

[Angelina] No, I drive.

Why do you keep insisting on that? Again and again?

[Arnold] I drive...

Hello hello...

What are you doing?

[Arnold and Angelina scream]

Come here.

Oh... hello...

[Arnold shouts] That's my Plymouth!

[Angelina screams] Jethro, just take the car.

[Arnold] Don't push the clutch too hard!

[Angelina] Useless!

Those damn muppets are even worse than us.

[screams] Ah! My God. Oh my god.

[laugh]

Wow!

Alright.

[laughs]

Everything is going to be fine.

I promise.

Smile at your mom. She will never believe it.

Shouldn't you be watching the road?

-[Strawn laughs] -Dad?

-[Mildred] Dad? -[Strawn laughs]

Oh God!

[Both scream]

[The panther roars]

[panther growl]

[Mildred] Hm.

[heart monitor beeps]

[Jonesie purring]

[Mildred whispers] Dad?

[Straw] Hm.

[takes a deep breath]

[Mildred] Mom.

[Mildred] Jonesie.

[Jonesie growls]

[The song "Anything Could Happen" plays]

[Strawn] Smile at your mom. She will never believe it.

Shouldn't you be watching the road?

-[Straw laughs] - Dad!

[screams] Dad!

[Strawn] Oh wow!

[panther growl]

♪ I went to the doctor and he told me that I looked very bad ♪

♪ And with a smile on his face they put him in a junkyard ♪

♪ Search for an answer In empty doors ♪

♪ I talked to a dancer, She said she was on the road ♪

♪ Well, come on, Doctor, won't you give me a chance? ♪

♪ I'm cold, boy. I'm hot. ♪

♪ The doctor said no boy. You have to learn... ♪

[Woman on TV] The hunt for a mysterious black cat is on,

who was seen hanging around a farm in Mid Canterbury.

The locals are convinced it was a panther.

It looked like a big black cat.

Actually yes, just...

It's quite long, it has a big, long tail...

Like I had that catwalk, you know, you can usually say

The difference between a dog and a cat.

But no, it definitely, definitely wouldn't have been a dog.

Cat poop with, um,

pieces of hair or bone in it.

Um, maybe remains of prey...

[man 1] Hmmm.

Yes, I see it, I see it. It's quite big.

-That's not a cat. -[man 2] Hey?

[Man 1] That's not a cat. It's huge!