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1
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:12,011
Can you just...?
2
00:00:12,087 --> 00:00:13,754
Never mind.
3
00:00:17,501 --> 00:00:19,760
What's up with Blue Tip
and Starfish?
4
00:00:19,762 --> 00:00:21,428
Those two have been fighting
5
00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:22,855
like Don Draper
and Pete Campbell
6
00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:25,691
after they lost
the Lucky Strike account.
7
00:00:25,768 --> 00:00:28,268
What? Krusty's in reruns.
8
00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:30,103
Lisa and I weren't fighting.
9
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:34,274
It was just a series of calm,
constructive conversations.
10
00:00:34,351 --> 00:00:35,942
What? That's not
how I remember it.
11
00:00:36,095 --> 00:00:37,261
Lisa was like,
12
00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:38,595
"I hate this town.
13
00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:39,780
Everyone's stupid."
14
00:00:39,932 --> 00:00:41,187
And you were like...
15
00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:42,875
"Lisa's driving me crazy.
16
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,877
"We should send her
to Capital City
17
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:48,380
with my sisters
for the weekend."
18
00:00:48,457 --> 00:00:50,382
That may not be word-for-word.
19
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,886
Train for Capital City
20
00:00:53,962 --> 00:00:55,370
leaving in five minutes!
21
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,297
Please wrap up
all family arguments
22
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,800
and bid a quiet,
poignant goodbye.
23
00:00:59,952 --> 00:01:01,118
All aboard!
24
00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:03,453
Bye, Lisa,
25
00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:06,548
and have a great time
in the city with your aunties.
26
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,551
I got you a little snack
for the train.
27
00:01:10,887 --> 00:01:13,221
Mom, you know Apple Zoom
is full of chemicals.
28
00:01:13,223 --> 00:01:15,324
And it's owned by...
29
00:01:16,969 --> 00:01:18,226
Thanks, Mom.
30
00:01:22,141 --> 00:01:24,975
I'm glad I don't have
a daughter.
31
00:01:36,171 --> 00:01:37,912
Wow.
32
00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:39,431
Capital City.
33
00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:44,177
God, there's just so much
34
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:45,679
I want to see and do here.
35
00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:47,922
The Museum of Modern Museums.
36
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,349
The Prussian Coffee Room.
37
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:51,944
The Unidentified State Building.
38
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:57,098
And tomorrow is the Highbrow
Artists Parade.
39
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,525
But the thing
I really want to see
40
00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:00,602
is the statue
of the Fearless Girl
41
00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:04,348
facing down the gorilla
that symbolizes fossil fuels
42
00:02:04,350 --> 00:02:07,459
and wasteful
fast food packaging.
43
00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:10,187
What do you know?
44
00:02:10,189 --> 00:02:12,297
You can let us out
at the next block.
45
00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:14,858
This is the touristy part
of the city.
46
00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:19,045
- Where are we going?
- To the finest restaurant
in town.
47
00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:21,865
The Laramie Cigarette
Smokehouse Grill.
48
00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:30,983
Bring us the Tuna Tar-Tar.
49
00:02:31,059 --> 00:02:32,709
With extra tar.
50
00:02:32,711 --> 00:02:35,061
- Cigs in a Blanket.
- Philly Wheeze Steak.
51
00:02:35,063 --> 00:02:37,063
- Vape Suzette.
- And for dessert,
52
00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:39,491
the Phlegm Brûlée.
53
00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:41,994
Can we go now?
54
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:44,554
We've wasted the whole day here.
55
00:02:44,556 --> 00:02:45,831
Cool your jets, toots.
56
00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:48,500
Aunties need
their post-meal smoke.
57
00:02:48,577 --> 00:02:50,818
Sorry, ladies, no smoking.
58
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:54,006
Take it outside. Hi-yah!
59
00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,659
Patricia Bouvier?
60
00:02:57,736 --> 00:02:58,844
Julian.
61
00:02:58,921 --> 00:03:00,404
Mwah.
62
00:03:00,406 --> 00:03:02,514
I saw on Facebook
that you were coming to town.
63
00:03:02,591 --> 00:03:06,351
Why didn't you call me,
you two gorgeous minxes?
64
00:03:08,914 --> 00:03:11,248
Lisa, this is my friend Julian.
65
00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:14,918
We met last year at
the Capital City pride parade.
66
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,088
I still think our float
should have won first prize.
67
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,865
Stunning.
68
00:03:19,942 --> 00:03:23,685
Is that a book of poetry
by Sylvia Plath?
69
00:03:23,762 --> 00:03:25,111
Yes, it is.
70
00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:26,446
Poor, dear Sylvia.
71
00:03:26,598 --> 00:03:29,282
The world's loss
was that oven's gain.
72
00:03:29,435 --> 00:03:32,544
I'm a poet myself, also a
novelist, essayist, playwright,
73
00:03:32,621 --> 00:03:36,606
and author of the occasional
scalding Airbnb review.
74
00:03:36,608 --> 00:03:38,608
Those are all things
I'd like to be
75
00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:41,478
when I grow up
and leave Springfield.
76
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,889
My God, that's your hometown?
77
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,373
Hi, I'm Katya.
78
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,133
I actually rent there
to take photographs
79
00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:49,877
for my prize-winning show
Freaks of the 'Field.
80
00:03:49,879 --> 00:03:51,121
Look at these and react to them.
81
00:03:51,139 --> 00:03:52,564
I can't watch.
82
00:03:56,462 --> 00:03:57,811
I won a lot of prizes for these.
83
00:03:57,963 --> 00:03:59,129
Isn't that weird?
84
00:03:59,147 --> 00:04:00,739
No, I think they're great.
85
00:04:00,816 --> 00:04:02,799
That's what everyone says.
86
00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,243
It's so crazy.
87
00:04:05,729 --> 00:04:07,137
This is my husband Lars.
88
00:04:07,155 --> 00:04:08,989
He's a brilliant painter.
89
00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:18,982
Wow. Somehow I sense
90
00:04:18,984 --> 00:04:20,317
you're craving love
and connection
91
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,335
in an uncaring world.
92
00:04:22,337 --> 00:04:24,504
And also an extra-large cookie.
93
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:28,916
Lisa, for a little girl
in a lampshade dress,
94
00:04:28,994 --> 00:04:31,103
you seem very sophisticated.
95
00:04:31,179 --> 00:04:32,604
Really? Well, I try.
96
00:04:32,681 --> 00:04:34,180
I mean, I don't try.
97
00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:37,000
It's effortless.
98
00:04:37,019 --> 00:04:39,444
My God, I just had
the kind of amazing idea
99
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,022
that everyone thinks is stupid
but then I'm totally right.
100
00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,190
You should come
to our party tonight.
101
00:04:44,192 --> 00:04:46,676
It's in our loft,
north of Hobart Street,
102
00:04:46,678 --> 00:04:47,844
south of Gordon Avenue,
103
00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:49,846
and below
the Joseph Torrance Expressway.
104
00:04:49,865 --> 00:04:51,848
NoHoSoGoBloJoTo?
105
00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,518
That's the coolest, most
artistic neighborhood in town.
106
00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:57,521
- Can we go?
- No, kid.
107
00:04:57,523 --> 00:05:00,448
We're gonna take you
to something you're gonna love.
108
00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:03,710
Thanks, Aunt Selma.
109
00:05:03,712 --> 00:05:05,953
You know me so well.
110
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,306
Well, if you change your minds,
111
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,049
we'll be around
for a little longer,
112
00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:11,718
sneering at Midwestern tourists.
113
00:05:11,795 --> 00:05:14,146
Barf.
114
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,890
Maybe we could go to their party
after the musical.
115
00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:19,209
Juice-ical.
116
00:05:19,211 --> 00:05:21,378
- A-Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
117
00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:24,489
Just a little indigestion.
We'll be fine.
118
00:05:28,403 --> 00:05:29,719
I knew there was something off
119
00:05:29,738 --> 00:05:31,905
about that menthol swordfish.
120
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,893
Me encanta Ciudad Capita...
121
00:05:39,231 --> 00:05:40,914
Out of our way, kid.
122
00:05:41,066 --> 00:05:42,824
We got to either sleep or die,
123
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,593
and we don't care which one.
124
00:06:04,590 --> 00:06:05,755
Yes. By all means,
125
00:06:05,757 --> 00:06:09,517
take a picture with
that off-brand Pikachu.
126
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,703
What a precious keepsake
that will be.
127
00:06:11,780 --> 00:06:13,038
Hi. Hi. Hi.
128
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,615
My aunts are feeling
a little under the weather,
129
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:18,268
so they said I should
hang out with you.
130
00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:20,695
They said a small child
should spend the night
131
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,455
exploring the bohemian demimonde
132
00:06:22,608 --> 00:06:25,217
with a bunch
of effete gadabouts?
133
00:06:25,368 --> 00:06:27,469
That's what they said.
134
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:43,610
So, Lisa,
what do you think, Lisa?
135
00:06:45,597 --> 00:06:47,239
I think I'm home.
136
00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:54,746
This place is a dream.
137
00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:55,972
Everyone's so cool,
138
00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:57,565
and the art is all
139
00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,310
nonrepresentational.
140
00:07:02,071 --> 00:07:04,089
My God.
141
00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:05,924
Lars, that is so brilliant.
142
00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:07,984
I seriously wish
I'd married someone else
143
00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:09,486
so I could cheat on
my husband with you.
144
00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:12,597
Now let's get everything
to the gallery.
145
00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:14,933
What, now?
146
00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:16,751
Yup. Our group show opens
tomorrow
147
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,663
at the Museum of Loft-Based
Transgressive Progressivism,
148
00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:21,890
so we have to get
all our work there tonight.
149
00:07:21,966 --> 00:07:24,091
Okay, everyone, grab a canvas,
150
00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:26,695
sculpture or performance artist.
151
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:31,098
Ho! Whoa!
152
00:07:31,176 --> 00:07:33,009
Hey, can I get
a little help, please,
153
00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:36,288
from The Inhuman Capotes?
154
00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:40,292
Writers are liars
who tell the truth for money.
155
00:07:40,368 --> 00:07:43,186
But I'm asking
if you're helping us move.
156
00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:45,130
If you're gonna
stab me in my back,
157
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,373
do it to my face.
158
00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:50,360
Don't mind him, he's the worst.
159
00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:51,619
We used to be a throuple.
160
00:07:51,697 --> 00:07:54,897
He was incredible.
I wish he was dead.
161
00:07:54,899 --> 00:07:56,349
You need one of these.
162
00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:09,562
Lisa, you're a dear and a doll,
163
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:12,991
and you carried Kool-Aid Jesus
without spilling a drop.
164
00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:14,901
My God, it's so late.
165
00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:17,387
I really should get back
to Patty and Selma.
166
00:08:17,389 --> 00:08:19,814
But, darling,
the night is just beginning.
167
00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:21,074
This is your moment.
168
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,651
And we have tickets
to see an avant-garde play
169
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,486
that starts at 1:00 a.m.
170
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:29,341
Well, I would hate
to wake up my aunties.
171
00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:37,849
God, I love art.
And I love this city.
172
00:08:37,926 --> 00:08:41,077
Punks, poets,
madmen, monologists.
173
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,839
Superintendent Chalmers?
174
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,674
Sweet vermouth in a snifter.
175
00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,193
Lisa Simpson.
176
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:51,254
Hey, Gary. Hurry up here
with them Reuben sammies.
177
00:08:51,256 --> 00:08:54,440
You and me got a long night
of doinking ahead of us.
178
00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:56,442
We're putting on
a staff excursion, and...
179
00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:57,702
Of course.
180
00:08:57,854 --> 00:08:59,353
- Continuing education is...
- No need to explain.
181
00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:01,097
Makes perfect sense.
182
00:09:01,099 --> 00:09:02,265
A life-long learning endeavor.
183
00:09:02,284 --> 00:09:04,100
That's interesting.
184
00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:05,192
Lisa,
185
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:06,286
we're running late.
186
00:09:06,362 --> 00:09:08,563
Stop talking to
that balding stallion.
187
00:09:08,565 --> 00:09:11,441
I don't know about
stallion, but...
188
00:09:11,443 --> 00:09:12,592
Yes.
189
00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:19,616
This is so moving.
190
00:09:19,618 --> 00:09:23,303
That poor man has been
transformed into a cockroach.
191
00:09:23,379 --> 00:09:27,140
And there's
his unfeeling father.
192
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,652
Leave him alone!
193
00:09:40,806 --> 00:09:42,914
Who just interrupted my play?
194
00:09:43,066 --> 00:09:45,584
How dare you desecrate
the hallowed boards
195
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:48,144
of this converted
rooster-fighting arena?
196
00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:51,664
Pulitzer Prize-winning
playwright Tracy Letts?
197
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:52,999
You wrote this?
198
00:09:53,076 --> 00:09:55,076
And I play the enormous shoe
199
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,170
that steps on the cockroach
in act three.
200
00:09:57,172 --> 00:09:59,172
It's a loafer with a backstory.
201
00:09:59,174 --> 00:10:01,491
Not that they'll
ever get to see it now!
202
00:10:01,493 --> 00:10:03,435
- I'm sorry I...
- Interrupted?
203
00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:06,663
Young lady, this play
has run for over a year,
204
00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:08,832
and you're the very first
person to interfere
205
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,925
and save the cockroach,
206
00:10:11,002 --> 00:10:13,186
proving you're one
of the most sensitive
207
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:15,004
and artistically attuned people
208
00:10:15,023 --> 00:10:16,764
I've ever met.
209
00:10:16,842 --> 00:10:18,358
Give her a round of applause.
210
00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:20,844
My two Tony Awards command you!
211
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,350
This kid is incredible.
212
00:10:27,352 --> 00:10:29,127
She gives me hope
for the next generation
213
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,962
of self-important know-it-alls.
214
00:10:32,691 --> 00:10:35,300
Yes, she's truly
a special young person,
215
00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:37,360
just brimming with precocity.
216
00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:39,879
In fact, I was thinking
she might be a good fit
217
00:10:39,956 --> 00:10:41,698
for the Horace Frick Academy.
218
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,383
HFA?
219
00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:45,143
That's the school
I would never dream of
220
00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:47,203
letting myself hope
that I could aspire
221
00:10:47,205 --> 00:10:48,462
to imagine going there.
222
00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:50,965
Well, Lisa,
I'm on the board of trustees.
223
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,209
Go Fighting Tote Bags!
224
00:10:53,211 --> 00:10:57,155
And I think I might just be able
to guarantee you a place.
225
00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:58,639
When would I start?
226
00:10:58,717 --> 00:10:59,640
Next month.
227
00:10:59,718 --> 00:11:00,900
And what does it cost?
228
00:11:00,902 --> 00:11:02,827
$84,000 a year.
229
00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:05,555
But how would I ever
pay for that?
230
00:11:05,557 --> 00:11:06,831
Not my problem!
231
00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:08,500
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I just thought
232
00:11:08,576 --> 00:11:10,560
of an awesome play,
and I have to go
233
00:11:10,562 --> 00:11:12,170
scream it into my phone.
234
00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:14,655
Curtain rises
on Dave & Buster's.
235
00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:16,399
Everyone is dead.
236
00:11:16,401 --> 00:11:19,326
I would love
to attend that school.
237
00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:21,846
But my mom and dad don't have
that kind of money.
238
00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:23,998
That's so terrible.
239
00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:24,849
Wait just a moment.
240
00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,242
I know a wealthy benefactress
241
00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:27,760
who might be able to help you.
242
00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:29,020
Lacey Van Aster.
243
00:11:29,097 --> 00:11:30,263
She's a little eccentric.
244
00:11:30,339 --> 00:11:32,582
But something tells me
she'd adore you,
245
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,110
just like we adore you.
246
00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:39,739
I misread this.
247
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,867
To the forbidden zone.
248
00:11:42,944 --> 00:11:44,703
The Upper East Side.
249
00:11:48,783 --> 00:11:50,191
It's really late.
250
00:11:50,268 --> 00:11:51,543
Are you sure she's up?
251
00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:53,878
Yes,
she's a well-known night owl.
252
00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:55,438
And a bit of a speed freak.
253
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:56,940
Vroom, vroom.
254
00:11:56,942 --> 00:11:59,718
Teddy Roosevelt,
Franklin Roosevelt,
255
00:11:59,794 --> 00:12:01,702
Eleanor Roosevelt.
256
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:05,448
Every one of them I seduced.
257
00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:07,467
And destroyed.
258
00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:11,137
Lacey, darling, we always enjoy
your delightful stories,
259
00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:13,732
but we'd like to discuss
your scholarship fund
260
00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,641
for children from,
how shall we say,
261
00:12:15,718 --> 00:12:18,052
tragic cultural wastelands.
262
00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:21,573
Yes, my lucrative bursary.
263
00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:25,493
But first there is
an extensive interview process.
264
00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:31,398
All right, then, first of all,
how are you, dear?
265
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,233
I'm okay.
266
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,660
The scholarship is yours.
267
00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:35,995
- Huzzah!
- Yay!
268
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,505
Hip-hip-hoorah!
269
00:12:39,985 --> 00:12:41,259
Good night, Lisa.
270
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,652
I've only known you for a day,
271
00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:45,079
but I can tell
that you're an artist at heart.
272
00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:46,765
Thank you, Katya.
273
00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:49,267
I can't believe I'll be going
to school in Capital City.
274
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,178
And then from there I'll become
a critically acclaimed writer,
275
00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:55,515
an artist, and member
of the cognoscenti.
276
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,091
Cognoscenti.
277
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,426
Cognoscenti, cognoscenti,
278
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,612
cognoscenti!
279
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:09,603
It's all in front of me.
280
00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:12,273
Someday I'll be
in that photograph.
281
00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:17,537
Wait a second.
282
00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:21,858
Why are they posing
with Martin Prince?!
283
00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:24,618
Therein lies a tale, Lisa.
284
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:28,289
Every year self-impressed
little bookworms like you
285
00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:30,624
and Martin Prince
come to the big city,
286
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:33,886
where we convince them that they
could one day be one of us
287
00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:38,057
just by attending
Horace Frick Academy.
288
00:13:38,209 --> 00:13:41,394
But there's just one problem,
my little swannabe.
289
00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:46,807
Nobody you've met tonight has
any connection to that school.
290
00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:49,552
What? Not even Tracy Letts?
291
00:13:49,554 --> 00:13:52,146
Especially Tracy Letts.
292
00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:53,906
Behind these supporting actor
good looks,
293
00:13:53,908 --> 00:13:55,834
I'm a world-class fraud.
294
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:57,393
You were naive enough to believe
295
00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,428
that you could get
into that school.
296
00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:02,489
And that Roosevelt-doinking
crone Mrs. Van Aster
297
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,418
was naive enough to make out
the tuition check to us.
298
00:14:05,494 --> 00:14:09,496
And you fell for it
hook, Letts and sinker.
299
00:14:11,743 --> 00:14:14,077
You eight-year-old fool.
300
00:14:14,079 --> 00:14:16,670
But why do you need
to steal money?
301
00:14:16,748 --> 00:14:20,583
I thought you all supported
yourselves by making art.
302
00:14:22,253 --> 00:14:24,604
It is to laugh.
303
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,180
This is awful.
304
00:14:26,257 --> 00:14:28,700
I'm gonna report you
to the Capital City Police.
305
00:14:28,776 --> 00:14:32,036
Ha! I'm sure they'll take the
word of an infamous art thief.
306
00:14:32,188 --> 00:14:34,355
There you are.
307
00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:36,357
But I was helping
to move that art.
308
00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:38,117
I wasn't stealing it.
309
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,693
I know you're innocent.
310
00:14:39,771 --> 00:14:41,695
But this damning footage
has already gone out
311
00:14:41,773 --> 00:14:44,941
to the entire artistic community
of Capital City.
312
00:14:44,943 --> 00:14:46,792
And it's not a good look.
313
00:14:46,794 --> 00:14:49,203
The only thing
an artist hates more
314
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,890
than an art thief is themselves.
315
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,969
No!
316
00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:58,212
Yoink!
317
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,473
Our ill-gotten gains!
318
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,831
God, they got this show together
so fast.
319
00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:49,596
Please answer.
320
00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,598
I knew just one thing.
321
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,360
We were not going to lose
the ringtone wars.
322
00:15:54,362 --> 00:15:56,937
And that's when I came up
with this.
323
00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:02,243
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
324
00:16:02,353 --> 00:16:04,704
Check it out, it's almost
5:00 in the morning.
325
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:07,857
We've almost watched this entire
12-hour documentary
326
00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:10,802
about the history of ringtones.
327
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,287
Best 12 hours ever!
328
00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:18,977
Superintendent Chalmers?
329
00:16:19,053 --> 00:16:20,052
Now you're here?
330
00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:21,554
No...
331
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:24,649
In the interest of, of
fumfering, I, um...
332
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,134
Gary, doinking.
333
00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:30,062
Look, Lisa, sometimes
when grown-ups get bored,
334
00:16:30,064 --> 00:16:31,897
they start playing pickleball
335
00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:34,050
or they learn to make
sourdough bread
336
00:16:34,052 --> 00:16:36,310
or they book two different
romantic getaways
337
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:38,162
with two different women
who don't know about each other.
338
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,445
It's-it's a very common thing.
339
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:45,152
Mr. Chalmers, would you
please, please help me hide?
340
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:46,820
Just for a little while?
341
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,232
I'd love nothing more,
but, um...
342
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,600
And I would love
not to tell the school board
343
00:16:51,602 --> 00:16:54,420
about
your extracurricular activities.
344
00:16:54,497 --> 00:16:57,406
This has been
the worst night of my life!
345
00:16:57,425 --> 00:17:00,409
I came to Capital City
because I wanted to get away
346
00:17:00,411 --> 00:17:02,854
from the dead-eyed ding-dongs
in Springfield.
347
00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:04,263
No offense.
348
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,249
And then these horrible people
349
00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:08,693
came in my room and told me...
350
00:17:08,770 --> 00:17:11,087
Gary, you son of a bitch,
I'll kill you!
351
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,356
Settle, settle.
352
00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:24,542
Dora, can we just
talk about this?
353
00:17:24,619 --> 00:17:26,118
No, we can't!
354
00:17:26,195 --> 00:17:28,320
Okay, then.
355
00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,613
Ooh! Ooh!
356
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:39,799
Superintendent Chalmers!
357
00:17:39,951 --> 00:17:42,118
There's that pilfering
little urchin.
358
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,359
Wait up, guys!
359
00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:02,321
It's never been
more past my bedtime.
360
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:05,333
I'm too tired to run anymore.
361
00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:12,590
Desperate times call
for high-fructose corn syrup.
362
00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:17,378
She drank the juice.
363
00:18:17,454 --> 00:18:19,079
A mother knows.
364
00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:20,823
Hey, art jerks!
365
00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:22,174
Your work is derivative,
366
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,660
and you're all old!
367
00:18:34,672 --> 00:18:37,931
It's the Fearless Girl statue.
368
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,450
Goldman Sachs?
369
00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:40,618
Ew.
370
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,995
I hate this city!
371
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:55,299
These are balloons from
the Highbrow Artists Parade.
372
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,951
That's today.
373
00:18:57,953 --> 00:19:00,763
They are relentless.
374
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,518
Thank God for this balloon.
375
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,648
Aah!
376
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,466
Joan Didion?
377
00:19:12,543 --> 00:19:15,469
How ironic,
you're clinging to Joan Didion,
378
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,713
but you're clearly
John Gregory Donne.
379
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,992
I hate that I get that.
380
00:19:21,068 --> 00:19:23,494
But you'll never get this.
381
00:19:24,813 --> 00:19:25,997
She ripped up the check.
382
00:19:26,073 --> 00:19:27,999
Well,
then do something about it,
383
00:19:28,075 --> 00:19:30,751
you second-rate Cindy Sherman!
384
00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:39,235
What the hell are you doing?
385
00:19:39,237 --> 00:19:40,920
If there was a gun
in the first act,
386
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:42,663
I would shoot you right now.
387
00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:44,498
I'm setting her free.
388
00:19:44,575 --> 00:19:46,242
Goodbye, Lisa!
389
00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:48,853
Never forget the essence
of being an artist.
390
00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:51,247
Having rich parents.
391
00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:53,582
You can still
resent them horribly,
392
00:19:53,584 --> 00:19:55,651
just take their money!
393
00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:03,901
It is easy to see
the beginnings of things
394
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,928
and harder to see the ends.
395
00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:08,355
I can remember now
with a clarity
396
00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:11,100
that makes the nerves
in the back of my neck constrict
397
00:20:11,102 --> 00:20:13,285
when the city began for me,
398
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:16,530
but I cannot lay my finger
upon the moment it ended.
399
00:20:16,607 --> 00:20:18,549
Can never cut through
the ambiguities
400
00:20:18,626 --> 00:20:21,552
and second starts
and broken resolves
401
00:20:21,629 --> 00:20:24,296
to the exact place on the page
where the heroine is
402
00:20:24,298 --> 00:20:27,633
no longer as optimistic
as she once was.
403
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:29,227
How are you talking to me?
404
00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:31,729
You haven't slept in 24 hours.
405
00:20:31,806 --> 00:20:33,456
Makes sense.
406
00:20:49,307 --> 00:20:50,489
Lisa.
407
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:52,500
Superintendent.
408
00:20:57,498 --> 00:20:59,090
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
409
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,092
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
410
00:21:01,168 --> 00:21:02,668
and TOYOTA.
411
00:21:02,745 --> 00:21:04,905
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
412
00:21:09,176 --> 00:21:11,343
Good morning,
today we'll be reading
413
00:21:11,345 --> 00:21:13,345
from The Firecracker WhoDidn't Want to Go Boom.
414
00:21:13,498 --> 00:21:17,182
"'I like quiet
things!' said the firecracker.
415
00:21:17,184 --> 00:21:21,003
'Why does everything in
the world have to be so loud?'"
416
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,523
"'Things like sirens
and jackhammers
417
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,119
and tugboat whistles
and big brass drums!'"
418
00:21:48,699 --> 00:21:50,224
Shh!
27848
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