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1
00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,250
All right, Grover. Great job.
2
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,420
Yeah. Anytime, Dad.
Ah.
3
00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:22,890
CALVIN:
Really?
4
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,020
"Great job"?
5
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,220
It says,
6
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,520
"It's a gril."
7
00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:30,990
I know what it says,
8
00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:32,360
but Grover's been applying
to high schools,
9
00:00:32,460 --> 00:00:33,560
and it's been stressful.
10
00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:35,330
I'm trying to keep things
positive.
11
00:00:35,430 --> 00:00:38,730
Well, maybe,
if he can't spell "girl,"
12
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,470
he might want to do
another year in middle school.
13
00:00:47,510 --> 00:00:49,110
Calvin.
14
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:50,850
Marty just called.
15
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:53,050
Courtney and the baby have been
discharged from the hospital.
16
00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:54,250
They're on their way.
17
00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:56,190
Aw. Remember that feeling?
18
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,020
Bringing our baby home
for the first time?
19
00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,660
Oh, that was heaven.
(chuckles)
20
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,330
Where are the instructions?
I read the instr-- Oh, wait.
21
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,160
Was there instructions?
Are you sure you're following
22
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:05,660
the instructions?
I wasn't sure. I didn't see them before.
23
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:06,960
No, I read--
please stop yelling at me.
24
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:08,460
But it's still wiggly.
25
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,000
Okay, it's not wiggling.
It's as tight as I can get--
26
00:01:10,130 --> 00:01:12,340
It's cutting into
the vegan leather. Look.
27
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,270
It's wiggling.
28
00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:17,810
Yeah, if you yank on
it like that, Thor.
29
00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:19,310
Yep.
30
00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:22,010
They're never gonna be happier
than they are right now.
31
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:23,950
GEMMA:
Tina.
32
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:26,950
I found some of Grover's
old bibs and burp cloths.
33
00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:28,050
They're so cute.
34
00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:31,450
Look at this. "Spit happens."
35
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:34,420
Yeah, I'm-a throw away
all this spit.
36
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:39,560
Feels like she could've
waited five minutes
37
00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,900
till I walked away, but whatevs.
38
00:01:43,630 --> 00:01:45,070
Ah, Gemma,
you remember this day?
39
00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:46,970
Coming home
with a perfect little baby?
40
00:01:47,070 --> 00:01:48,540
(tongue clicks)
Yeah.
41
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,170
And now he's a teenager.
42
00:01:50,270 --> 00:01:51,810
We get side hugs.
43
00:01:51,910 --> 00:01:54,210
And he calls us "bruh."
44
00:01:54,310 --> 00:01:55,880
I just hope Marty and Courtney
appreciate
45
00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,980
these precious moments.
46
00:01:58,650 --> 00:02:00,250
(Daphne crying)
47
00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:01,450
Marty, slow down.
48
00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:02,720
Well, I'm going
ten miles an hour.
49
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:03,790
(horn honks)
50
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,190
Baby on board!
51
00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:07,660
Hey.
52
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,190
She stopped crying.
53
00:02:09,190 --> 00:02:10,730
Oh, good.
54
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,260
Wait, no, i-is she okay?
55
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:13,500
I-I don't know.
Maybe she fainted.
56
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,060
You're driving like a maniac.
57
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,830
I'm going ten!
58
00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:19,200
(Daphne crying)
59
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,570
She's okay.
She's crying again.
60
00:02:20,670 --> 00:02:22,270
Oh, thank God.
(horn honks)
61
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:25,670
Hey, yo,
there is a baby on board!
62
00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:27,980
Hey, hey, guys, guys?
63
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,410
I-I think I see Marty's car.
64
00:02:29,510 --> 00:02:30,650
Ooh!
65
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:33,080
Is it parked?
66
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,480
Um, I think it's moving.
67
00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:37,850
Guys, he's got a baby on board.
68
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:41,490
You know, I hope
he has one of those signs.
69
00:02:41,590 --> 00:02:44,490
Well, we'll know
in about half an hour.
70
00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,500
You know, I could just walk
down there and get the baby.
71
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,530
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I can't wait to hold that baby.
72
00:02:48,630 --> 00:02:50,000
Wait, wait, wait, here you go.
73
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,300
Oh, it's okay.
I just washed my hands.
74
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,440
I didn't see it.
75
00:02:55,770 --> 00:02:58,240
Oh, there's my baby!
76
00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,940
No, not you. Move!
Oh-- oh!
77
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:04,410
Give me my baby.
78
00:03:04,510 --> 00:03:06,750
(Daphne crying)
79
00:03:06,850 --> 00:03:08,850
Sorry, Mrs. B,
she's a little fussy.
80
00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:09,950
Oh, come here, come here.
81
00:03:10,050 --> 00:03:13,090
All she needs is her pop-pop.
82
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:16,590
That's all. That's all, yeah.
83
00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:18,890
Go-go on, now. We good.
84
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,530
? Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ?
85
00:03:23,630 --> 00:03:25,070
? Welcome to the hood.
86
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,870
Oh, you like your uncle now.
(babbling)
87
00:03:29,970 --> 00:03:32,140
(overlapping chatter)
88
00:03:33,510 --> 00:03:35,910
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
89
00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:37,680
She's happy now.
90
00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:40,650
Time for some grandma snuggles.
91
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,280
Here you go, Grandma.
(chuckles)
92
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,490
(Daphne crying)
93
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:44,920
(all oohing)
94
00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:46,820
You know what? I-I must have
squeezed her too hard.
95
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,820
I'm sorry, Mrs. B. It's okay.
Yeah.
96
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,860
Oh, okay. Come on.
Come to...
97
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,290
(Daphne crying)
98
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,330
Oh, no, no, no, Daphne.
99
00:03:54,430 --> 00:03:58,400
It's okay. It's me. Mama Tina.
100
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,300
I-It's probably just
too much excitement, Mom.
101
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:01,670
It's not you.
102
00:04:01,770 --> 00:04:04,170
COURTNEY:
You know what?
103
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,810
She's probably just hungry.
Yeah.
104
00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:08,480
Oh, hungry.
Yeah, feed that baby.
105
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:10,580
Why would you hand
me a hungry baby?
106
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,650
(laughter)
I mean...
107
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,020
Uh-oh. Dinnertime.
108
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,950
Oh, we're doing this right here.
109
00:04:16,050 --> 00:04:17,650
Ooh.
110
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:20,860
Ah, you had the stucco
removed during the remodel, huh?
111
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,330
CALVIN:
Yeah, see that...
112
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,090
Guys, grow up.
113
00:04:24,190 --> 00:04:26,660
Breastfeeding is a
beautiful, natural thing.
114
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,500
Oh, of course.
That-that goes without saying.
115
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,330
That's...
Is she still doing it?
116
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,470
So, help me out here. Given
that we're not a couple,
117
00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:39,380
uh, am I being supportive
by looking or not looking?
118
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,880
It's not like
you haven't seen them.
119
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,780
Right, right,
but that-that was that one time,
120
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,950
when, you know, we made her.
121
00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:49,180
It's fine. You're the father.
You can look.
122
00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:50,350
Okay.
(chuckles)
123
00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:51,720
Okay.
124
00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,690
Okay, I'm not gonna look.
125
00:04:57,790 --> 00:04:58,790
Yeah, please don't.
I'm not gonna look.
126
00:04:58,890 --> 00:04:59,830
CALVIN:
Ooh, whoa, uh...
127
00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,100
MARTY: Dad?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
128
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,570
Can-- let's talk
way over here, please.
129
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,030
Uh, Marty,
130
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,940
so the two superchargers
came in. Yeah.
131
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,570
And tomorrow, I'm-a need you
to come in and check them
132
00:05:10,670 --> 00:05:13,980
to make sure we got enough
megatrons to run them.
133
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,710
Okay, Dad, um...
134
00:05:19,180 --> 00:05:22,490
Megatron is the bad guy
from Transformers.
135
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:26,020
Do you mean "megawatts"?
Yeah, him, too.
136
00:05:27,390 --> 00:05:28,990
Look, uh, Marty,
you know this tech stuff
137
00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:30,560
is out of my wheelhouse.
138
00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:32,630
All right?
But we got to be ready.
139
00:05:32,730 --> 00:05:35,000
We just signed a deal to service
140
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,830
all of the electric vehicles
for the gas company.
141
00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:41,300
Okay, well, I mean, tell Stefan
to take the lead on that.
142
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,810
Stefan?
143
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,270
That's the kid with
the big holes in his earlobes?
144
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:46,270
Yeah.
145
00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,140
Clearly, he makes
bad decisions.
146
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,180
No. No, I-I need you.
147
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:52,010
I need regular earlobes.
148
00:05:52,110 --> 00:05:54,420
Okay, but-but, Dad,
I'm not gonna be in the office.
149
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,850
I'm taking my paternity leave.
150
00:05:55,950 --> 00:05:58,120
Taking it? (laughing)
151
00:05:58,220 --> 00:06:00,220
Who's giving it?
152
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,930
We are. It's...
153
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,690
It's Fusebox policy.
154
00:06:04,790 --> 00:06:06,430
No, no, no.
I didn't agree to that.
155
00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:08,230
Dad, it's in our 60-page
onboarding handbook.
156
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:09,730
You signed it.
157
00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:13,300
I may have signed it,
but I definitely didn't read it.
158
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,640
You didn't read
my handbook?
159
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:20,340
Dave, you didn't
tell me anything
160
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,610
about a paternity leave
in the handbook.
161
00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:24,210
Don't you mean, "Thanks, Dave,
162
00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:26,850
"for using your years
of HR experience
163
00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:30,620
to write a free
60-page handbook"?
164
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,560
All I know is, in my day,
we didn't have paternity leave.
165
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:36,890
Your mother gave birth to you
in the morning
166
00:06:36,990 --> 00:06:39,030
and I was back to work
before noon.
167
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:40,960
And you know how I knew that?
168
00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:44,830
Because I got a egg and cheese
biscuit on the way.
169
00:06:47,170 --> 00:06:49,940
Okay, okay, okay.
Give me that happy baby.
170
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,610
Okay.
(chuckles)
171
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,110
Come on, come on.
172
00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:57,580
(Daphne crying)
Oh, no, no, no, Daphne.
173
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,080
Remember? We love each other.
174
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:03,850
What?
175
00:07:03,950 --> 00:07:07,220
You know newborns.
She's probably just gassy.
176
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,690
Gassy.
177
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:11,390
Now, why would you hand me
a gassy baby?
178
00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:15,700
Calvin, you got to go
to the drugstore right now
179
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,030
and get some gripe water.
180
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,170
What's gripe water?
181
00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:19,800
Uh, they'll know
at the drugstore.
182
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,570
Okay, well, what's it for?
Well, by the time you finish
183
00:07:21,670 --> 00:07:23,540
asking me questions,
you could've been back already.
184
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,570
Go!
185
00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:30,310
Sound like you the one
need some gripe water.
186
00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:32,250
Dave? Come on.
187
00:07:33,850 --> 00:07:35,820
Are you hungry again?
Oh, my God.
188
00:07:38,650 --> 00:07:41,690
Well, the good news is there is
such thing as gripe water.
189
00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:44,360
The bad news is
that it's locked up
190
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,700
like a fifth of Jim Beam.
191
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,760
Look, okay, Calvin,
it's not that hard.
192
00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:51,670
Look, there's a little
"get help" button right here.
193
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:55,900
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Associate needed in the gas relief aisle.
194
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,370
CALVIN:
Uh, uh, no, no.
195
00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,410
It's for a baby.
Baby gas.
196
00:07:59,540 --> 00:08:01,240
I'm-I'm not gassy at all.
197
00:08:01,340 --> 00:08:03,550
Why are you so grouchy?
198
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,650
Are you gassy?
199
00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:06,920
No.
200
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,950
Look, it's just a very busy time
at the Fusebox.
201
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,960
And all the extra work
is laying on me
202
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,960
because of this
paternity leave nonsense.
203
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,860
Nonsense? I took three
months off with Grover.
204
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,600
Why? Gemma was there.
205
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,260
What the hell were you doing?
206
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,570
Bonding. Singing.
Skin-to-skin.
207
00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:27,940
Skin-to-skin?
208
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,640
Yes. Skin-to-skin.
209
00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:32,340
Look, I would take my shirt off
and I would just hold Grover.
210
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:33,940
Skin-to-skin contact
is the reason
211
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,310
he and I are so
close to this day.
212
00:08:36,410 --> 00:08:38,880
Well, I kept my shirt on.
And you know why?
213
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:40,820
Because I was at work.
214
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,590
Hey. (chuckles)
215
00:08:46,590 --> 00:08:50,130
Now let me hold this sweet baby.
216
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,160
Yes.
(Daphne crying)
217
00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:55,160
Oh...
218
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,230
But...
219
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,300
But...
220
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,240
(groans)
221
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,040
Oh...
222
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:03,970
(shushing)
(crying stops)
223
00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:06,710
Now, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
224
00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:09,240
I know what's going on here.
225
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,610
The poor little thing
is having a reaction
226
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:14,280
to these cheap diapers
that Gemma bought!
227
00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:15,620
You can insult me all you want
228
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,320
as long as I get
to hold this baby.
229
00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:20,460
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna call Calvin.
230
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:23,860
I'll have him get the good ones
while he's at the drugstore.
231
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,260
(cell phone ringing)
232
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,100
Hey, what's up?
233
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,100
Hey, we need
hypoallergenic diapers stat.
234
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,440
You got to go to the drugstore.
235
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,940
I just got back.
236
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,670
He's just embarrassed because
they thought he had gas.
237
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,150
Well, Gemma bought
cheap diapers.
238
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,650
Keep 'em coming.
I'm in heaven.
239
00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:48,650
And the baby won't stop crying.
240
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,820
But the baby's not crying.
241
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,650
Well, she's about to cry again.
242
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,260
Look, you got to go
to the drugstore.
243
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,720
Go on, now.
244
00:09:57,390 --> 00:10:00,030
Hey, Dad, uh, I'm putting
the bassinet together.
245
00:10:00,130 --> 00:10:02,530
Can you lend me your drill?
And show me how to use it?
246
00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:04,600
And just do it for me?
247
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:06,840
Hey, hey, hey.
No, no and no.
248
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,770
Your father's going
to get diapers now.
249
00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:10,310
Are you trying to
make it so I can never
250
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,670
take my baby to my house?
251
00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:15,210
If that's the way things
have to be, then so be it.
252
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,680
Hey. Hey, you know what?
253
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:19,850
Uh, Marty,
254
00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:21,450
about this whole
paternity leave thing,
255
00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:23,350
listen, I get it now.
256
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:24,790
Dave made some good points.
257
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:25,850
Oh.
258
00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:27,190
Uh, did I? Which ones?
259
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:29,290
Mm. I'll be quiet.
260
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,700
Yeah, and, uh, you
know what? I get it now.
261
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,860
Oh. You do?
262
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,300
I do.
263
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,570
A-Also, take your shirt off
when you give her the bottle.
264
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:38,870
Oh, right,
for skin-to-skin.
265
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:40,740
No, no, no, no.
No, not that one.
266
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:45,340
Look, but really, go ahead,
take you some time off.
267
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,840
Hell, you know what?
268
00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:49,040
You can have the whole week off
if you want.
269
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:51,050
Dad, I'm entitled
to eight weeks.
270
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,920
Eight weeks?
Eight weeks to do what?
271
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,680
(cell phone ringing)
What you gonna be doing in eight weeks?
272
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,550
What the hell
you gonna do--
273
00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:57,820
H-Hello?
274
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,020
Diapers!
275
00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:03,830
(bell rings)
276
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:08,230
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Associate needed in the incontinence aisle.
277
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,400
It's for a baby, sir.
278
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,800
A baby.
279
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,970
A-And eight weeks
for paternity leave?
280
00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:17,140
For what?
281
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,010
Well, to bond.
282
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:21,110
Dads don't bond that early.
283
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:22,810
We don't nurse. That's a fact.
284
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:26,780
Well, actually, I nursed Grover.
285
00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:30,650
Yeah, I wore an apparatus
that simulated a breast.
286
00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:33,190
Okay, okay.
Dave, you...
287
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:36,620
I don't need to hear any more
of your bonding stories.
288
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,760
You were no more bond-ier
than I was with my boys.
289
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,060
Okay, you know what?
290
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,600
I bet I still have
that old daddy nurser
291
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,030
at home in the attic.
I'm gonna go get it.
292
00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:46,500
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
293
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,870
I don't want it!
I don't want it!
294
00:11:47,970 --> 00:11:49,670
I don't--
No, not you, sir.
295
00:11:49,770 --> 00:11:50,810
No, come back. Come back.
296
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,880
I need that little key!
297
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,510
Just wish I could
make Calvin understand
298
00:11:57,610 --> 00:12:00,020
why paternity leave
is so important.
299
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,280
You know, bonding is
the manliest thing
300
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,250
a man can do.
301
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:06,490
Good God!
302
00:12:09,390 --> 00:12:10,960
You remember this?
303
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:14,560
I do. I spent 14 years
trying to forget it.
304
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,300
Ah, okay. You know what?
305
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,300
Me going the extra mile to bond
with my son really paid off.
306
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,070
And Marty is gonna regret it
if he and Daphne
307
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:25,170
don't have the same great
memories that Grover and I have.
308
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,180
Good God!
309
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,990
Hey, uh, why do you have
all that baby stuff out?
310
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,590
Ah, it's for Marty.
311
00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:40,120
But you know it reminded me
of all the great times
312
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,160
that you and I had
when you were tiny.
313
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:44,130
Remember how I used
to read you that book
314
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,830
about the angry little bulldozer
and you would imitate him, like:
315
00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:49,970
"Vroom, vroom,
vroom, vroom."
316
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,300
Nope.
317
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,270
What? Ah, you were
pretty young back then.
318
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:57,970
You remember when I took you
to Safari Selina on Ice?
319
00:12:58,070 --> 00:12:59,570
I do not.
320
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,210
Really?
321
00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:05,450
Wh-What about
the Michigan State Fair?
322
00:13:05,550 --> 00:13:07,450
Cows, pigs, cotton candy?
323
00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:09,920
Mm, no.
324
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:12,690
Avalanche Bay Waterpark?
No.
325
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,520
Jumpy Town?
The petting zoo? No. No.
326
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,420
Gymboree?
No.
327
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:17,460
Build-A-Bear?
No.
328
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,030
The Wiggles?
Nada.
329
00:13:21,730 --> 00:13:22,970
Are you sure I was there?
330
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,300
Yes, I'm sure
you were there!
331
00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:28,270
I bought those Wiggles tickets
off a scalper
332
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:30,710
in a very sketchy parking lot.
333
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:34,340
For five times face value.
And you don't remember it?
334
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,610
Oh, oh! Oh, yeah.
335
00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:39,110
Yeah, The Wiggles.
336
00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:42,320
I remem-- They-they-they sang.
337
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,020
And wiggled.
338
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,090
All right, I got the diapers.
339
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,360
Oh, damn.
Oh, damn.
340
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,070
Does that baby
ever stop eating?
341
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,730
Tell me about it.
342
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:01,040
Oh, speaking of which,
343
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,400
the next time
you're at the store,
344
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,210
can you get me
some nipple cream?
345
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,410
Is that a real thing?
346
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,510
Oh, yeah.
347
00:14:08,610 --> 00:14:10,680
These bad boys take a beating.
348
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:11,910
Okay, you know what?
349
00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:14,580
I just spent $75
on 12 diapers.
350
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,250
I'm-a let the baby's daddy
get the nipple cream.
351
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:20,160
Oh, come on.
352
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,720
You all did this with your moms.
353
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,790
Oh, that's nasty.
354
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:27,600
Good morning, baby.
You hungry? No!
355
00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:33,170
Hey, uh,
where's your brother?
356
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:35,500
He at home, watching
a YouTube video
357
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,570
on how to assemble
a Diaper Genie.
358
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,940
L-Let me
ask you something.
359
00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:42,410
We're close, right?
360
00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:43,950
Even though I worked a lot
when you were little?
361
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,680
Is, uh, something
bothering you, Pop?
362
00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:51,350
Well, Dave says
that bonding starts
363
00:14:51,450 --> 00:14:53,060
when the baby is born.
364
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,760
Well, I didn't take
a paternity leave.
365
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,420
I went right back to work.
366
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,190
And the truth is,
he's got me worrying
367
00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:01,630
that I didn't bond
with you boys.
368
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,870
No, no, w-we did all types
of stuff together, man.
369
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,040
I-I remember,
when we were little,
370
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:09,840
you would take us
to the drive-in movies.
371
00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:12,010
(chuckles) That was fun.
Yeah, yeah.
372
00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:14,280
You used to make us
lay down in the backseat
373
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,540
so you didn't
have to pay for us.
374
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,850
But-but, hey,
that-that made it exciting.
375
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:22,980
Yep, that's why I did it.
376
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,790
And remember you
used to get us up
377
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,720
at the crack of dawn
on Saturdays
378
00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:30,830
and put Pit Stop coupons
on everybody's windshields?
379
00:15:30,990 --> 00:15:32,030
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
380
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,700
So those were
your teenage years.
381
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,360
That's when you start to form
a work ethic, you know?
382
00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:38,000
(chuckles)
I was in the second grade.
383
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,640
Marty was four.
384
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,540
(stammers) Oh.
385
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,670
Okay, yeah, well,
that was a little young.
386
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,210
Okay, yeah,
but-but it did,
387
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:48,010
you know, it did
build some character.
388
00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:49,310
I mean, you always said,
389
00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:52,010
"Kickball don't keep
the lights on."
390
00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:54,450
Yeah, that sound like me.
391
00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,320
(cooing)
Aw.
392
00:15:57,420 --> 00:16:00,420
Look at
my happy girl. (burps)
393
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:05,030
Ooh. That was a good burp.
394
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,930
Okay, all right now.
395
00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:08,830
Okay.
Come on to Grandma.
396
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:10,030
There we go.
397
00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:11,800
(crying)
Oh.
398
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:14,270
Come on.
399
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:16,340
Why do you hate me?
400
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,770
I love you.
401
00:16:17,870 --> 00:16:19,770
I don't know
what it is, Mrs. B.
402
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:22,040
Maybe you're giving
"pick me" energy.
403
00:16:24,210 --> 00:16:26,410
What kind of energy
am I giving, now?
404
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:30,520
I don't know, but I'm giving
"I apologize" energy, so...
405
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,690
Well, I mean, she was fine
until I touched her bottom.
406
00:16:34,790 --> 00:16:36,460
It could be diaper rash.
407
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,830
It sure could be.
408
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,600
Well, why would you hand me
a rashy-ass baby?
409
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,830
She needs ointment. Calvin!
410
00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:45,330
Yeah. Yeah, I'm going.
411
00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:47,440
I'm going. I'm going, I'm going.
412
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,770
I might as well get a job
at the store at this point.
413
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:54,080
Dave! Let's go!
414
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,350
(ringing bell repeatedly)
415
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:01,180
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Associate needed in the fungal ointment aisle.
416
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,690
Yeah, that's right,
it's fungus this time.
417
00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:09,120
I'm more mushroom than
I am man at this point.
418
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:12,630
Now, this man
is basically shiitake! Hey.
419
00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:15,260
Dave, calm down, okay?
420
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:16,400
Are you all right?
421
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,100
No, I'm not all right.
422
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,970
Grover doesn't remember any of
the things that we bonded over.
423
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:22,200
Have you ever seen
Safari Selina on Ice?
424
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,570
? When you're looking
at something far away ?
425
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,610
? There's only one thing
that you've got to say ?
426
00:17:26,710 --> 00:17:28,980
? Telescope, telescope,
telescope, hooray! ?
427
00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:30,780
You know how long
that song was?
428
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,120
Eight minutes. You know many
other verses there were?
429
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,820
None!
430
00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:37,290
Okay, so what
is your point?
431
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,460
My point is, I've suffered.
432
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,120
And for what?
433
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,390
He doesn't even remember
any of it.
434
00:17:43,490 --> 00:17:46,790
Well, unfortunately,
my boys do remember.
435
00:17:46,890 --> 00:17:48,400
Malcolm remembers me
436
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,030
breaking child labor laws
when he was seven.
437
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,640
Calvin, you don't need
to make up horrible stories
438
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,670
just to make me
feel better.
439
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:01,510
Look, I've always
been a workaholic.
440
00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:04,410
I-I just don't want
Marty to be like me.
441
00:18:04,510 --> 00:18:08,020
Okay, look, well, you probably
don't want to hear this,
442
00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:10,890
but it's never too late for...
skin-to-skin.
443
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,720
Don't you say it.
Don't you say skin-to-skin.
444
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:15,190
Don't you say
skin-to-skin!
445
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,030
All right, Calvin, give me
a buzz when it's time
446
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,730
to go back to
the drugstore.
447
00:18:19,830 --> 00:18:22,160
Don't take your shoes off.
448
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:27,700
? If you're looking at
something far away ?
449
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,700
? There's only one thing
you've got to say ?
450
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,440
BOTH:
? Telescope, telescope, telescope... ?
451
00:18:35,710 --> 00:18:37,040
? Hooray.
452
00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:41,180
You remember.
453
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,380
R-Remember what?
454
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,190
Th-The song.
You remember the song.
455
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,520
Oh, th--
456
00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:48,420
I don't know
where that came from.
457
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,760
It's terrible.
458
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:51,860
I know, isn't it?!
459
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,860
Hey, I got
the rash cream.
460
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,270
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
461
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,900
She's holding my finger.
462
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,240
(chuckles):
Oh.
463
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,500
You know, that's what
I was gonna say
464
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,870
about the paternity
leave thing.
465
00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:04,210
Oh, here we go.
466
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,940
No. No, no, no, no.
467
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,340
I want you to take it.
468
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:11,110
I mean, take all the
time that you need.
469
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:14,220
Wow. Where'd this come from?
470
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:16,920
I'm evolving.
471
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:22,690
I mean, that little baby
squishing your pinky right now,
472
00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:24,730
she's your most
important priority,
473
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,890
beyond anything else.
474
00:19:26,990 --> 00:19:28,660
Don't worry about the
Fusebox, all right?
475
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,500
Stephan can handle
the megalodons.
476
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,870
Marty!
477
00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:36,270
Good God!
Sorry.
478
00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:38,870
Marty, I got a
present for you.
479
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,280
Calvin, eyes up here.
480
00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:49,020
(Daphne crying)
481
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,850
(Tina shushes)
482
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:52,690
Don't-don't-don't cry.
483
00:19:52,790 --> 00:19:53,920
Don't cry. It's okay.
484
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,320
(crying)
485
00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:58,130
Oh. Oh.
486
00:19:58,260 --> 00:19:59,830
(growls) Um, uh, Marty!
487
00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:02,100
G-Get me some hand sanitizer!
488
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,500
(crying)
489
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,170
Marty!
490
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:06,730
Calvin?!
491
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,940
Oh.
492
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,440
It just breaks my heart
to hear my Daphne cry.
493
00:20:12,540 --> 00:20:14,010
(crying continues)
494
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:15,380
Okay, shh, shh, shh. Okay.
495
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:16,840
Okay. Okay.
496
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:20,520
Whether you like me or not,
I'm gonna pick you up.
497
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,150
(screaming)
Okay. I know.
498
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:23,690
D-Don't cry, don't cry.
499
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,150
Don't cry. Don't cry.
500
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:26,850
I know, baby, I know.
501
00:20:26,950 --> 00:20:28,290
I know.
(crying stops)
502
00:20:28,390 --> 00:20:30,630
(Daphne laughing)
I know.
503
00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:35,960
You don't hate me.
504
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:38,200
(laughing continues)
505
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,100
Oh.
506
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:46,270
You hate the hand sanitizer!
507
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,840
Oh, oh.
508
00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:52,580
Oh, Daphne.
509
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,580
But why didn't you
just say that?
510
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,330
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
511
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:07,030
and TOYOTA.
512
00:21:07,130 --> 00:21:10,570
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Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
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00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:15,170
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