Original subtitles

[audience applause]

Kiri: Okay.

So for todays group therapy session,

we will be working through our fears together.

Now Tessa, you mentioned

that you are afraid of spiders.

So, what I want you to do is just hold on to the cage

and focus on being present.

Okay?

- [panicked breathing]

- There you go.

- [whimpering]

- Okay.

Great.

Tessa, how do you feel?

- [shakily] Oh, scared.

- Okay.

Scared.

But look at you facing your fears.

Everyone give it up for Tessa.

[applause]

Nope, just hold on to that.

- Wait, so if we tell you our fears,

you bring it out?

[audience laughter]

- Exactly.

Thats why its called exposure therapy.

- Ohh!

[audience laughter]

- So, uh, Todd, why dont you go next?

- Hi, Im Todd.

Uh, Im not afraid of snakes.

- Oh!

[audience laughter]

- But I have recently developed...

like a huge fear of... a pizza.

[audience laughter]

- A pizza?

Todd: Mm, yeah.

Meat lovers.

Yeah.

Extra marinara.

Freaks me out.

[audience laughter]

- Oh, yeah, thats scary.

[audience laughter]

- Okay, what about that scares you?

- Like, just the thought

of having to, like, eat one...

[audience laughter]

Its just too much.

[audience laughter]

- Okay, well, we dont have a pizza

so what other fears can we talk about?

- Im, Im afraid, uh,

that someones gonna call Norms Pizzeria?

[audience laughter]

Order a pizza

and, and that it will have stuffed crust.

All but Kiri: [agreeing]

- I could be afraid of calling it in

if no one else is.

Kiri: Okay, so were talking about fears, remember?

Like the spider.

- [sobbing]

- So, uh, Peter, why dont you go next?

- Yeah, Im really afraid

of someone just, like, comin up to me

and, like, giving me, like, a deep shoulder massage.

[audience laughter]

- Okay.

So maybe fear

of someone invading your personal space?

- Yeah.

Im-- I would be so scared

of somebody invading my shoulder space...

[audience laughter]

with their thumbs, you know, and just, like, real...

Just like gettin those knots, you know?

- I could be afraid of giving a massage.

[audience laughter]

- I think Id be a little more scared

if somebody else did it.

[audience laughter]

- Uh, I, I,

[clears throat]

I could be, I could be afraid of giving a massage.

[audience exclaims]

- Scary!

[audience laughter]

- Okay.

It sounds like you guys are just saying things

you want.

- Nooo.

Peter: Oh, no.

- Hello, Norms?

Yes.

Wed like to order a meat lovers pizza.

[clicks tongue]

They only have cheese.

Todd: Oh, cheese doesnt really get me quakin

in my boots.

But it does get my heart rate up!

All but Kiri: [agreeing]

- Ooh, ask if they have root beer.

[mock despair] Oh I hope they dont.

Ohh!

- Everyone just text me your order.

Uh, fear.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Jessica, you go.

Tell us what makes you feel fear.

Jessica: Yeah.

Um, Im afraid of being taken.

Kiri: Okay, okay.

- To the airport this Friday?

Kiri: [groans]

[audience laughter]

There it is.

- What time?

- Uh, 5:45 but Im afraid

of getting there early though.

Like, like two hours early.

Peter: Ooh, yeah.

Kiri: Does anyone here know what the word afraid means?

- Im afraid of a day

we all just get together outside of this

and just hang out and watch a movie.

[audience laughter]

- Are people generally more afraid

on a weekday or...

[audience laughter]

- I, Im scared of Thursdays, yeah.

[audience laughter]

Does that work for everybody?

Tess?

Tessa: [whimpering]

Im probably be scared

like around 7.

[audience laughter]

something scarier pops up.

Tori: Huh?

Audience: Ohhh!

of kissing you right now.

Audience: [laughs]

Ohhhhhh!

- [chuckle]

[stammering] Uh, the very thought of that

is just-- Im so scared of that, yeah.

- Yeah, thats whats up.

Tori: [laughs nervously]

Kiri: Okay, everybody stop.

Running away from your fears

is not going to make them go away.

[knocking on door]

Delivery guy: Pizza delivery.

Todd: Oh yeah, yeah, over here.

Yeah.

[grunts]

[cardboard sliding]

Delivery guy: Here you go.

Todd: Thank you very much.

[gasps]

All but Kiri: [screaming]

Todd: Emotional damage!

[audience laughter]

Singer: ♪ I wanna run, I wanna run into the night ♪

♪ I wanna step into a dream with you ♪

♪ I wanna run, I wanna run into the night ♪

♪ I wanna step inside ♪

♪'cause I know what we can do ♪

♪ I know what we can do ♪

♪ Lets see what we can do ♪

♪ I wanna run ♪

♪ Into the night ♪

[siren blaring]

- [grunts]

Okay, tell me what happened.

Jericho: Um, I fell off my skateboard

trying to do a dumb trick.

- [Asian-style accent] Another thing my son failed at.

- Dad, dont do this.

- When I was young, I was a skateboard.

Other kids put wheels on me and they respected me for it.

- What?

Steven: You know Tony Hawk?

He did 900, right?

1600.

I did that on both my SAT and my skateboard.

Paramedic: Okay.

Im just gonna ask your son some questions.

Where did you get hit?

On the head?

- I can hit him wherever I want.

You want me to hit him on the head?

Paramedic: Are you hitting your kid?

Steven: No, hes old enough.

He can hit himself.

[blows]

Jericho: Its okay.

Im not in danger.

Steven: Danger?

When I was young, I was danger.

I had to walk to school 20 mile,

both ways uphill.

Even my hallway was uphill.

15 degree incline.

Loved it.

Jericho: I think my ankles broken.

Paramedic: Let me take a look.

Oh, this is bad.

Steven: This lady a real doctor?

- Im an EMT.

Steven: EMT?

What that stand for?

Off-brand doctor?

- Dad, let me handle this.

[dog barks in distance]

Steven: So, you, you, you were going to be a doctor

and just said“Nah, Ill just drive people around

in my whee-hoo whee-hoo va”?

- Whats your blood type?

- Heinz ketchup.

- Dad!

Steven: Well, look at him.

He cant do A+.

Best he can do A-.

Pathetic.

Paramedic:'Kay.

Im not gonna write that down.

Do you have any pre-existing conditions?

- Continual disappointment, low IQ,

also the coordination of a drowning pigeon.

- Any allergies?

Steven: Allergic to talking to girls,

libraries, any success of any kind,

getting a job.

His voice never change, he 27.

His cousin Timmy at his age,

already starting his own business.

Timmy speak six languages.

Only language he speak is failure.

I pay for his cello lessons.

He dropped out.

But now we call him Yo-Yo-Nah.

- [grumbles]

Steven: I took him to a psychiatrist.

Couldnt fix his emotional damage.

I just very disappointed.

What can I say?

Can you make him smarter?

I pay extra for that.

- Oh, Im not a doctor.

Steven: [whispering] I told you!

She admitted it.

This what happens if you fail your exams.

- I passed my exams.

Jericho: Its best not to fight him.

Steven: You know, back at home,

we had the traditional Chinese medicine

for exactly that.

Its called walk it off.

Come on!

Paramedic: Okay.

Lets get you to a hospital.

This is a hairline fracture.

Steven: So, how, how much this whole thing

gonna cost me?

- Probably $5,000.

Steven: [chokes]

[coughing]

5,000 dollar??

Where you taking him, Barbados?

Id buy a whee-hoo whee-hoo van

and drive him myself with that much money!

Jericho: Youd do that for me, dad?

- No.

- Oh.

Steven: If he break both legs can we get a discount?

Buy one get one--

C- come. Ge-get back on the skateboard.

Jericho: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Paramedic: Oh, okay.

You cant lift him up like that.

He needs to rest this leg for at least two months.

- Two months?

No problem.

He not doing anything anyway.

He unemployed.

Jericho: Dad!

Paramedic: Okay, its time to go.

Youre mean, Mister.

[dog barking distantly]

- Wait, son!

[tender music]

I just want you to know, if I was being mean,

thats'cause I, I want you to work really hard,

you know, so you can become doctor.

♪

So one day you can rip people off

and drive them around in your whee-hoo whee-hoo van

for 5000 dollar

like this fake doctor over here.

- Uh...

- Well, thanks, Dad.

I love you.

- I know.

I love me too.

- [sighs]

Close enough.

[birds chirping]

[grunting in pain]

[tender music]

[pumped up music]

[audience applause]

- Thank you for entrusting my brother and I

with your funeral service.

Lets get started with the headstone engraving.

Do we have a message prepared?

- Yes.

“Roger Dunn: husband, father, grandfather.

"Lifelong pilot

"who lifted others with his spirit.

Rest in peace”

- Okay, and here is what that will look like.

Jericho: [fumbling]

Garet: Oh wow.

$3,000 for the engraving?

Steven: Yeah, yeah!

Engraving marbles

not a walk in the park, you know.

And I charge per character.

Is that too expensive for ya?

- Well, were already spending quite a bit

on the casket and service.

Is there any way

to get this closer to, like, 500?

- [snorts]

[coughs]

500?

Jericho: [indistinct whispering]

- Okay, we, we could have some abbreviated-- Yeah.

[indistinct whispering]

[audience laughter]

[metallic sliding]

Mm...

Mm, that one.

Okay.

[marble scraping]

How about this one?

“Thnx world.

G2G”

[audience laughter]

Precise, straight to the point,

in and out.

Was 550 but for you,

[whispering] Ill do an even 500.

Garet: Yeah, that feels a little disrespectful.

Steven: Okay, you dont like that?

Movin on.

No problem.

We have-- Mm.

[audience laughter]

Mm, yeah.

[marble clinking]

[scraping]

[audience laughter]

Naomi:“C U L8R?

"TTYL from HVN.

LuV GP”?

Why the“LO”?

Feels like a tween girl wrote that

in 1999.

Garet: Plus, this one doesnt have space

for a name.

- Oh, we can Sharpie that in.

We, we can do that wi-- You have a Sharpie?

I could sell you a Sharpie.

40 bucks.

[audience laughter]

- I dont like that.

Steven: Okay, no problem.

[Sharpie clinking]

Movin' on.

Lets see, um.

What about, lets try...

Lets try the next one.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mhm.

[audience laughter]

Ah, youre gonna love this one.

[scraping]

[audience laughter]

-“DE” D-E-D?

Steve: Save 90 bucks by removing the“A”

- I feel like dead is implied.

[audience laughter]

- Youd be surprised.

You want shorter?

I can go shorter.

- We didnt say that.

Steven: Okay.

[audience laughter]

[marble clinking]

Mm, yep.

That one there.

Jericho: Right, all right.

[grunts]

[scraping]

[audience laughter]

- [snaps]

“K. O”

Knockout.

Like in boxing...

but permanent.

[audience laughter]

- Is this a joke to you?

- No, no.

Im getting youre not really liking this.

Okay, we can move on.

What about...

This one is a bit of a new take.

A prototype, if you will.

[audience laughter]

- Interesting.

A... A QR code?

Steven: Yeah.

You can scan that

[smack]

Link it to wherever you want.

Naomi: It links to the Burger Barn menu?

Steven: For now it does.

But you, you can link it to whatever restaurant.

I just chose my favorite.

[audience laughter]

[scattered applause]

- Our grandpas dead.

Hes not worried about where to grab lunch.

Steven: [mouth full] Really?

Im always worried about that.

Okay.

What about...

We do have a discount rack.

We can take a look.

Mm, yep, that one.

[scraping]

[thunk]

[audience laughter]

[sliding]

[click]

[rattling]

[scraping]

Oh-ho!

[audience laughter]

By any chance, was your grandpa murdered?

- No!

- Okay, we can, we can cross out the“”,

make it an“”.

Naomi: He wasnt a murderer either!

Steven: Okay, what--

Okay, there, there are other places

to cut cost as well.

Like, if we take him from the cemetery,

bury him in a BMX bike course.

Save you 1200 bucks.

Naomi: Why do you have a BMX course over graves?

Were not doing that.

Steven: What? Uh--

'Cause currently, hes slotted to go in...

hamburger style as you can see.

We could hot dog style'im in for ya,

save you a lot of money.

[audience laughter]

Naomi: Hot dog?

[audience laughter]

- We are not slotting him in vertical.

[phone ringing]

Naomi: [grumbles]

Hello?

Yes?

Its the police.

My grandpa?

Okay, thank you for calling.

[silence]

Can we take a look at that“murdere” one again?

Steven: Yesss!

[audience laughter, applause]

♪

[bang!]

[distant scream]

[ominous music]

[distant screaming]

[whoosh]

[distant explosion]

- Delta Cobra to command.

Requesting GPS coordinates.

[radio static]

[rapid machine gun fire]

[screaming]

[bang!]

[scattered gunshots]

[distant explosion]

[rapid gunfire]

[plane motor roars]

I believe I wandered into the enemy territory.

[radio static]

BTS: [distantly] ♪ Smooth like butter ♪

Matt: [on radio] What is it, soldier?

- [shouting] Its BTS!

["Butter" by BTS plays]

BTS: ♪ Smooth like butter, like criminal undercover ♪

♪ Gon pop like trouble ♪

♪ breaking into your heart like that ♪

♪ Break it down! ♪

[rapid machine gun fire]

Matt: [on radio] Soldier, are you okay?

- Uh, theyre all dancing at me?

And theyre all so different.

Theres a little...something for everyone.

♪

Matt: [on radio] Hold that line, soldier.

Sending backup stat.

♪

[rapid machine gun fire]

[empty magazine clicking]

- Theyre too powerful.

Theyre too fast.

Like, it--

[rattling]

BTS: ♪ Get it, let it roll ♪

♪ Side step, right-left, with my beat ♪

- Stand down.

BTS: ♪ ...like the moon, rock with me, baby. ♪

♪ You know that I got that heat ♪

♪ Let me show you 'cause talk is cheap ♪

♪ Side step, right-left, to my beat ♪

♪ Get it, let it roll ♪

- [eeh-he-he-he!]

♪

[nervously] Uhhhhhh!

Oh, wh-whats happening to me?

BTS: ♪ Ooh, when I look in the mirror... ♪

- Guys, help!

Dalton: Ooh!

Steven: Youre just standing there.

Help!

- Hmm!

Steven: Oh, what do I do?

What do I do?

What do I do?

BTS: ♪ Do the boogie, like ♪

♪ Side step, right-left, to my beat ♪

Matt: [on radio] Stop it, soldier.

You dont have permission to dance.

Steven: I cant help it!

BTS: ♪ ...right with me, baby ♪

♪ You know that I got that heat ♪

♪ Let me show you 'cause talk is cheap ♪

Matt: [on radio] Soldier, report in.

What is happening?

BTS: ♪ Get it, let it roll ♪

- I think we have lost them.

- [indistinct]

["Butter" by BTS playing over speaker]

♪

BTS: ♪ Get it, let it roll ♪

♪

[cheering]

♪ Get it, let it roll ♪

[cheering]

♪ Get it, let it roll ♪

♪

- Mm.

Oh!

Hmm!

Hmm.

Ah!

Ahh!

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

[wheezing laugh]

♪

[audience applause]

- Okay.

Vivian Lindsey is the best lounge singer.

She does the most incredible crowd work.

- Uh, how long is this gonna take?

- [sighs]

Albert, please dont complain.

We always do the things you wanna do

and I never complain.

Like mini golf.

- Okay, I'll, I'll, I'll listen.

- Good evening.

Im Vivian Lindsey

and Ill be singing you through this magical evening.

Any first-timers in the audience?

[crowd cheers]

- [hesitantly] Woo...

Vivian: Ill be sure to show you

a little extra love.

♪ Im feelin so lovely ♪

♪ Yet Im feelin so lonely ♪

[smooth jazz]

Crowd member: Yeah!

Vivian: ♪ I just need a hand to hold ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

[audience laughter]

♪ And maybe then ♪

Albert: Ugh.

Ugh!

Vivian: ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ I wont feel ♪

[audience laughter]

♪ so coooold ♪

[audience laughter]

Thank you.

[applause]

- Woo!

She sure knows how to woo a crowd!

- Kiri: Wow.

Shes so talented.

[audience laughter]

- She just smudged my glasses and...

licked them?!

- [derisive laugh]

Come on.

Shes just doing a little crowd work.

Just relax.

Please dont embarrass me.

I never embarrass you at mini golf.

Vivian: I hope youre all feeling cozy

'cause were still just gettin to know each other.

I call this next one “Hello, Stranger”

♪ Hello, stranger ♪

♪ Where have you been? ♪

- [gagging]

Kiri: Shhh!

- ♪ Its been so long and Ive been waiting ♪

- Ahh!

Ah.

Vivian: Oh yeahhh.

[chuckles]

♪ Ive missed you so-o-o! ♪

- Ah!!

[audience laughter]

- ♪ Please dont go ♪

Albert: Ahh!

[audience laughter]

Vivian: ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪

Kiri: [laughs]

Vivian: Thank you.

[audience applause, cheering]

- Woo!

What a woman!

[audience laughter]

- I cannot believe that.

- I know, right?

She just tried to pu--

- That key change?

Incredible.

[audience laughter]

Vivian: I feel like our souls are becoming entwined.

That reminds me of a little ditty

I like to call“Stay Awhile”

Hit it!

[jazz music plays]

♪ Stay awhile ♪

♪ I know its getting late ♪

♪ But please believe me when I say ♪

♪ I think this is fate ♪

[audience laughter]

♪ Stay awhile as the fire burns low ♪

Albert: Ah!

- She sure knows how to work a crowd.

Albert: [muffled mumbling]

[gasping for breath]

- ♪ So, please my friend... ♪

- Ahh!

[breathing heavily]

- ♪ Stay awhile ♪

Albert: [muffled protests]

Vivian: ♪ Stay awhile ♪

- [gasping for breath]

- ♪ Stay-- ♪

[water splashes]

[audience laughter]

Vivian: ♪ A-- ♪

♪ While ♪

♪

[smack]

[audience laughter]

Albert: [coughs]

[applause, cheering]

What is her problem?

Kiri: [scoffs]

What is your problem?

She has made you the guest of honor tonight

and everyone is jealous.

Albert: [breathing heavily]

[audience laughter]

- [arf]

Albert: Okay, I'm sorry.

Ill listen.

Okay.

- This next ditty is called “Time for Sleep”

- Is that a...

bottle of chemicals?

Honey, what is that cloth?

is this, is this a part of the show?

Why is she coming close to me with that?

[muffled mumbling]

[audience laughter]

[audience applause, cheering]

- Ahh!

[barking]

Man 1: Give it up for Steven He!

[audience applause, cheering]

- This guy.

Singer: ♪ Lets move to the beat, oh yeah ♪

♪

Man 2: What is that?

- Ooh, I love it.

Yeahhh!

Lick them.

Lick them!

♪

[audience applause, cheering]