All language subtitles for S4E7-The Tender Gun

Ted Greve, do you ever
go back to Abilene?

Or can't you forget
how they laughed at you

lying there in the dirt,
crying?

You just take a heft
on the balance

of this little beauty.

The company guarantees
six pheasants, six quail

or nine doves an outing.

Or, get this, you get
your money back.

I can get that kind of game
in any number of restaurants

in San Francisco
already dead

and quite nicely cooked.

But on the trail,
Mr. Paladin...

On the trail, I'm after
slightly larger game.

Oh, well, then,
you'll like this one.

Double ought
buckshot in here.

Nine pellets to
each cartridge.

Each pellet about the
size of a.33 slug.

Guaranteed to stop buffalo,
elk, grizzly, elephant

or even to attract the
attention of a Missouri mule.

When fired at close range,
it knocks a hole

about the size of
an embroidery hoop.

Mr. Paladin.

Hey Girl, don't
worry about this gun.

It's loaded.

It's the unloaded
guns that kill you.

"Mr. Paladin, our
town got run over

"with a covey of gunslinging
water moccasins

"and needs your help.

"Pretty interesting reward
if they get what they deserve.

"My nephew tells me
you are just the man.

Regards, M.J. Smuggley,
Sheriff, Arroyo."

A man in your profession needs
a gun like this, Mr. Paladin.

What do you know
about my profession?

Your reputation,
your-your business card.

I suggest you forget
what you know

about my reputation
and my business card.

Now be careful
with this gun.

It's unloaded.

Hey Girl, pack the gear.

Bon voyage.

Can you tell me where
I'll find the sheriff?

You a lawman?
No.

Well, the sheriff don't seem
to get around uptown

too much anymore.

Well, can you tell me
where I can find him?

Coal and hay barn yonder.

Hey, you might tell the sheriff
that this town could sure use

about a pound and a half
worth of law and order.

Come on in.

Close the door.

Get on over here.

Mister, you're just a twitch

from gettin' your head blowed
off, and I got a nervous tic.

You better give me
a hatful of words

and all at the
same time. Now talk.

Talk?

I tried to talk through
that window over there

and almost got
a mouthful of buckshot.

I didn't have the
edge on you then.

Who are you?
What do you want?

My name's Paladin.

I'm looking for the sheriff.

Well, can you
prove that?

Well, unfold it
so's I can see it.

Oh.

Paladin, eh?

Why, you're funnier
than a gopher snake

at a church social.

I'm the sheriff.
I'm Maude Smuggley.

Can you prove it?

Everybody knows I'm
sheriff here anyways,

but I don't want to give them a
nice, shiny target to sight on.

Who? Those two in front
of the sheriff's office?

Oh, no.

Not them.

I'm talking about
their boss- Yates.

Them's just a couple
of teddy bears.

Well, what now?

I didn't finish
reading that letter.

Oh, I was only foolin'
about that nervous tic.

I'm healthier than
a brood mare.

Well, that is the best piece
of news today.

Now what can I do
for you, Sheriff?

Well, since I got the drop
on you a couple of times,

maybe nothing.

Well, in that case,

this has been slightly less
than charming.

Uh, do you want
the letter?

No, I can't read.

The parson wrote that.

I just signed it.

Well, sir...

You ain't much, but I
guess you're all I got.

You're hired.

Yep, they've gone to tell
old Yates that you're here.

Come on, I'll give
you some coffee.

How long they had
you bottled up here?

A couple weeks.

Well, here's mud
in your cup.

Yeah, old Yates
sent a fella

out to my place
to kill me.

Oh, where's he now?

Well, I buried him
where he fell.

He was too big
for me to drag off, and

there wasn't a soul to da'st
come near enough

to help a poor widow woman.

I just dug under him,
and than he sank in

and I covered him over.

See here,
what's the matter?

Well, that's, uh...

got a sort of
a twilight taste,

sort of somewhere
between, uh...

kerosene and hemlock.

Hmm, it wasn't that
thick last week.

Oh, I didn't put
no thinner in it.

Here.

A little yellow whiskey,
that'll help.

Now taste that.

See, I only got
one still.

In the summer I
make whiskey,

in the winter I make
kerosene and crude oil.

Makes the whiskey taste
kind of funny,

but it sure keeps
the lamps happy.

And it doesn't seem to do
badly for you, either.

Now, uh, Sheriff...

what is your problem?

Well, sir, two months ago
a fella named Yates

came through here and wanted
to buy up all this land.

No sale.

A week later he come back

and he says he's from
the railroad

and that all this land is
condemned for a right-of-way.

Still no sale.

Now Fred- he was
my fifth husband-

he was sheriff.

And so he tried to organize
the people not to sell.

So some barns got burnt,

and some poison got
in some creeks,

some heifers got throwed
in some wells

and four people got dead.

Fred was one of 'em.

Old Doc dug seven pistol slugs

and two rifle bullets
out of him.

Why this valley?

Oil.

I don't know what
they want with it.

It poisons the water and
kills the fish hereabouts.

Well, Sheriff, a man in the East

has found a way to make
a steam engine run on oil.

And they can make
a kind of soap out of it.

Why don't you sell?

I don't like the way
they asked me.

There's a way of doing
business fair and square.

Now there are
five of them.

I'll give you $100 a head.

You'd give me $100 apiece
to kill five men?

What do you
think I am?

$1,000 a head.

Now, we both know
what you are-

it's just
a matter of price.

Price has nothing
to do with it.

You paused a little too long
for me to believe that.

I paused because
you may double the price

in a business deal,

but you don't
jump it tenfold.

Well, I... I meant $1,000
for all five of them.

And besides, I didn't offer it.
I just said how about it.

You said $1,000 apiece,

and the answer is
nein, nyet, no, negative.

I will not be commissioned
to kill a man in cold blood.

Well, there ain't no
law and order.

Just think of it-

a woman sheriff can't even
walk down the main street

of her own town.

Them ruffians won't
even let me.

Poor widow woman.

Alone in the world.

Nobody cares.

Nobody to help.

Always before, I had
somebody to turn to.

There was Paisley,
Yarkley,

Wayne...

Jonathan.

Nobody knows my problems.

Sheriff...

Mother Smuggley...

Yeah?

My heart bleeds for you.

But there are a few drops
left over for your opposition.

Well, I guess you made
a long ride for nothing.

Could you get me
as far as the bar,

so's I could
buy you a drink?

Well, isn't it possible

that you're exaggerating
just a little bit?

Why, there's nothing
that pig swiller'd

like better than
to see me out there

waltzing up that main street.

Well, uh...

may I have the next waltz?

Oh, say!

Come on!

You know, I still
don't understand

why this town didn't
hire a mayor and sheriff.

Well, they did,
but he had an attack

of either under-guts
or over-bribe and left.

That's when
they elected me.

This was a peaceable town-
they didn't want nobody shot.

I didn't think these boll
weevils would shoot a woman.

But they tried.

Well, where are
these "boll weevils"

that are after
your scalp?

Well, they're
around, Paladin.

They're around.

They just take a little time
to get 'glomerated.

You're sure you don't
want to help me?

Well, I don't see
any evidence at all

that you need any help.

There.

Yeah.

That why you've been smiling
like the queen of hearts

on a stacked deck?

Better get Yates.

And don't try
anything alone.

You handle your case;
I'll handle theirs.

You, black suit,

you sure buy
expensive company.

Unless you straddle that bay
and ride out of this town,

you're gonna make
a down payment

on more trouble
than you ever had.

Just let me warn you,

black suit.

That old woman standing
by you has a shotgun.

Well, I got to admit that
you got more guts than I have

to be put in that spot.

Do us a favor-
let us solve our own problem.

Well, I have
no intention

of interfering
in local politics,

but if I ride out, the
lady rides out with me.

Ha! I always leave with
the fella which brung me, Greve.

Maybe you don't know who I am.

Ted Greve.

Greve, hm?

Greve...

Oh, Ted Greve!

You ever go back
to Abilene?

Or can't you forget how
they laughed at you there?

You lying in the dust,

crying.

All right, you better use
the other end of that gun,

'cause I'm gonna
kill y...

Come over there.

You cut that man in two
just like with a circle saw!

Now, I'm not gonna be a party to
your settling a lot of petty grudges.

You take cover, or you'll
find out how petty they are.

That was just the same
as a bushwhack!

Sure was.

Now, look, you can
take care of yourself.

You're just as mean
as they are.

I ain't as many as they are!

Besides that, they got you
grazin' under my brand now.

I don't know what
you're gonna do,

but I'm getting
off of the street.

I told you they was mean.

Thank you, you're
a good friend.

What are you
gonna do now?

I pick my own deals.

I won't be pushed, and
I don't want to be used

as a catalyst
or a cat's paw.

Oh. Well, like they say,

there's only one door
to a jail.

You stick your head
out that door,

and they'll part
your nose for you.

Paladin, you were gonna
kill Greve, weren't you?

Well, I wasn't gonna stand
there and let him shoot me.

You remind me of
my ex-husband!

Which husband?

Paisley. Oh, he was
a real Hottentot.

In many ways, he was
the best of the breed.

They won't charge in here.

'Cause that's what I want 'em
to do, and they're too ornery.

They think they
can starve us out.

Well, I didn't have any lunch.

How about you?

Me, neither.

You ain't scared of them,
are you, Paladin?

And I'm not a fool.

I didn't want any part of this,

but you fixed it up now
so I don't have any choice.

Paladin, you a married man?

Good. I like the way you move.

I'm going out that
front door with you.

You're gonna take yourself
into the back of this jail

and lock that door
and use the shotgun

on the first man
who comes through there.

Oh, and you're gonna
walk out that door,

and you'll be the played
ace in a whist game-

there'll be two in back of you
and two in front of you!

How do you know that?

Have I lied to you?

Now, you get yourself
into the back of this jail...

you lock the door
on the cell,

you lock this door.

You got two barrels
in the shotgun.

Use 'em both on the first man
who walks through that door.

You didn't get
nicked, did you?

No, I didn't get
nicked, did I?

Now, go on.

� �

Rushen?

There was only one shot-

how come there's so
many holes in him?

Looks like he caught a full load
of double ought buckshot.

Are they in the jail?

Yeah.

They ain't
going nowhere.

I'll call
him out.

What about
the sheriff?

After we get the man,

there'll be a lot
of excitement.

Now, she'll use it to
sneak out of the jail.

We'll let her.

But trail her.

Let her get out of town
before she gets it.

Don't fire until
I go for my gun.

All right,
spread out.

My name is Yates.

Come on out, mister.

Where are your men?

I'm alone.

Look, mister, anybody
can choose the wrong side

when they don't know the facts.

Now, if you want
to come out,

ride on out of town,
you've got a free pass.

Well, I never paid
for a pass yet.

Well, you can't
hide forever.

At your convenience, Mr. Yates.

Come on out of the shadows
so I can see you.

If you can't see me, you
better take off that gun belt.

I'm trying to reason
with you, mister.

Why, she ain't
no more than a killer.

We're walking the streets
in fear of our lives.

You killed her husband.

Maybe one of you people
out there'll get me-

that won't make
a warm grave or a shallow one

for the two I'm gonna kill.

We got 'em, Paladin!

We got 'em!

I... I tripped.

How did you get out
of that jail?

Oh, I had that window
fixed for that.

Never leave nothing to chance-

that's what Baxter-
or was it Yarkley said that?

Well, listen, I knew
if I ever had a man again

we'd clear that
bunch out.

You stopped a good one.

Well, not... not as good as
the one that they stopped.

Come on.

Guess I won't be...

pitchin' no hay
for a few days.

You gonna be
strong for this?

I'm strong enough.

Come on, I'll get
you in the jail.

Get you fixed up.

No, thank you very much.

Well... it's all over.

I guess you'll
be riding out.

Straight as an Indian
ever rode the water.

You know, I got a feeling
these local folk

would like to see that
sheriff's badge on you.

You know, sheriffing's
no position for a woman.

Especially one that's
halter-broke like me.

Well, halter-broke or not,

uh, I have a feeling
that you can handle the job.

Well...

you're a lot like
I am, Paladin.

You're all alone
in the world.

I buried five husbands,

but they was all smiling.

Now I got me a
nice little spread

and a fine house.

And oil- that must
be worth something,

or that Yates wouldn't have gone
to all that trouble to get it.

What I need is a...

a man...

to take care of
these things for me.

Sheriff, are you
proposing to me?

Well, if it, uh,
didn't work out,

you could always
hit the trail,

no hard feelings.

Well, madam, I...
Oh, I...

I beg... I beg your pardon.

Uh, Mrs. Smuggley,

while I must confess that
I have seen in my life

few sights as beautiful

as you in that
second-story window

with that shotgun...

I must decline
with regrets.

Aw! I should've know'd.

You're the kind that
puts a pretty, young face

in front of experience.

Well, least ways, you're a
mite too young for me anyway.

I need a fella that's
spent a little more time

on the job.

Why don't you come back
in about ten years?

Madam, you have a deal.

Say, tell my
nephew howdy.

Nephew?

Well, you must know him-
his name is Monk Bordelli.

He owns a fancy place in
that hometown of yours.

Monk Bordelli-
yes, indeed, I know him.

That's the mangiest, meanest
specimen in the human race.

Well, he ain't mine;
he's my sister's doings.

Mm.

Good-bye, Mrs. Smuggley.

It has been... charming.

Come back! Visit!

The coffee's
always on!

� "Have gun will travel,"
reads the card of a man �

� A knight without armor
in a savage land �

� His fast gun for hire
heeds the calling wind �

� A soldier of fortune
is the man called Paladin �

� Paladin, Paladin,
where do you roam? �

� Paladin, Paladin,
far, far from home. �