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1
00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:04,922
Great. So, I'll give you a call.
2
00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:06,090
Hope you do.
3
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,383
All right.
4
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,011
Look at this.
5
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,138
Hey, I just got
that girl's number.
6
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,182
Check it out. Holli.
7
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,516
Nice!
8
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,312
Girls whose names end
in "I-y" are always dirty.
9
00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:22,523
Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily...
10
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,694
Yeah, no, it's true.
11
00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:30,114
Don't even get me
started on girls
12
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:33,492
whose names should end
in ","y but instead end in "."I
13
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,870
those girls are like
roller coasters.
14
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,234
You got to wait in a long
line, but once you get up there,
15
00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:40,849
you just hold on for dear life
and hope you don't drop your keys.
16
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,712
Hey, you know what I'm gonna
do? I'm gonna call her right now.
17
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:48,674
I'm gonna do that whole, "hey,
remember me? It's been so long."
18
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,260
See, it's funny,
because I just saw her.
19
00:00:51,344 --> 00:00:52,678
Dude, you can't call her.
20
00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:55,431
You have to wait three days
to call a woman. That's the rule.
21
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,308
Barney, that rule
is completely played out.
22
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,827
Girls know exactly
what you're doing.
23
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:00,978
Hey! I got a new rule.
24
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:05,358
It's kind of crazy, but I call
it, "you like her, you call her."
25
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:06,901
I'm sorry, can you repeat that?
26
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,611
I don't speak i-never-get-laid.
27
00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:14,659
Barney, the three-days rule is insane.
I mean, who even came up with that?
28
00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:17,078
Jesus.
29
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,997
Barney, don't do this.
Not with Jesus.
30
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:24,210
Seriously. Jesus started the
whole wait three days thing.
31
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:27,546
He waited three days to
come back to life. It was perfect.
32
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,048
If he'd have only waited
one day,
33
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,109
a lot of people wouldn't
have even heard that he died.
34
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,594
They'd be all, "hey,
Jesus, what up?"
35
00:01:33,678 --> 00:01:37,515
And Jesus would probably be
like, "what up? I died yesterday."
36
00:01:38,057 --> 00:01:41,477
And then they'd be all, "you
look pretty alive to me, dude."
37
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,980
And then Jesus would have to
explain how he was resurrected,
38
00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,314
and how it was a miracle.
39
00:01:45,398 --> 00:01:49,318
And then the dude would be
like, "okay, whatever you say, bro."
40
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,822
Wow, ancient dialogue
sounds so stilted now.
41
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,949
And he's not gonna
come back on a Saturday.
42
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,368
Everybody's busy doing chores.
43
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,412
Working the loom,
trimming their beards.
44
00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:03,374
No. He waits the exact
right number of days.
45
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,084
Three.
46
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:09,171
Okay, I promise, I'll wait three
days. Just please stop talking.
47
00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:12,216
Plus, it's Sunday, so
everyone's in church already.
48
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:15,678
They're all in there,
"oh, no, Jesus is dead."
49
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,640
Then, bam! He bursts through
the back door, runs up the aisle.
50
00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:24,228
Everyone's totally psyched. And fyi,
that's when he invented the high-five.
51
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:28,024
Three days, Ted. We wait
three days to call a woman,
52
00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:31,319
because that's how long
Jesus wants us to wait.
53
00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:34,780
True story.
54
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:53,090
Okay, fine. I promise. I
won't call holli for three days.
55
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:56,093
Older Ted: But I never
said anything about texting.
56
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,971
I started things off with
something cute and charming.
57
00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:00,198
Ted: "I was thinking about you,
58
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:03,267
"so I thought I 'd send
you a little texty text."
59
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:07,605
Older Ted: And the moment I hit
"send," I realized it wasn't cute at all.
60
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,649
It was the lamest thing
anyone has ever said to anyone.
61
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:15,154
And the worst thing about
texting is that once you send it...
62
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,115
Oh!
63
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,995
Older Ted: You
can never get it back.
64
00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:25,414
And then, you wait.
65
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:29,210
And just when you've decided
never to text anyone ever again...
66
00:03:30,795 --> 00:03:33,130
Holli: "I've been
thinking about you, too,
67
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:37,218
"and how weird is it that you
texted me while I was in the bath?"
68
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,142
What was that? What?
69
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,352
You made a noise.
70
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,229
That was my phone. I got a text.
71
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,815
Not that. You made
your naked lady noise.
72
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:51,941
What?
73
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,317
Whenever you see a naked lady,
74
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,194
you make the noise...
75
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,323
Idontdothat really?
76
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,120
Oh god, sorry, Lily.
77
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,599
Man on TV: While
the men are out hunting,
78
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,837
the women of new Guinea's
indigenous korowai tribe
79
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,256
wash their clothes in the river.
80
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,348
That's totally a boob.
81
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,102
Is that holli
who keeps texting you?
82
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,895
Didn't you promise
to wait three days?
83
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:32,440
To call, yes.
Texting is totally different.
84
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,985
Okay, well, just try to keep
the naked lady noises to a minimum.
85
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,446
I don't make a naked lady noise.
86
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,282
Really?
87
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,167
Older Ted: Holli and I stayed
up texting until 2:00 in the morning.
88
00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:55,421
And we spent the whole next
day texting each other, too.
89
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:56,881
She seemed perfect.
90
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:01,427
Oh wow. Holli just told me
what she's wearing right now.
91
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,845
It is pretty hot.
92
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,973
Yeah, whatever it is, I can
guarantee you she's not wearing it.
93
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,534
She's lying to you
to make you like her.
94
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:09,310
How do you know that?
95
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:10,478
Mmm.
96
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,897
Because no woman in the
history of the world is ever
97
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,524
"just sitting around reading
architecture magazines
98
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:18,068
"in my old cheerleader uniform."
99
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,323
Okay, maybe she's lying about
the architecture magazines.
100
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,616
Mmm-hmm.
101
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,370
Oh, no.
102
00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:29,914
Oh, no, this is bad.
103
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:30,998
What?
104
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:35,085
She just sent me a text that was
clearly meant for someone else.
105
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:40,382
"Hey, baby, I picked up some take
out from generro's. Be home soon."
106
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:43,761
Okay, yes, this sounds bad,
but let's think about this, okay?
107
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:47,723
It could be for a brother
or maybe her sick dad.
108
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,225
Scroll down.
109
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:53,854
"And then I want you
to do me on the couch."
110
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,441
Okay, maybe not a sick dad.
111
00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,819
Or a very sick dad. Am I right?
112
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,281
Sorry.
113
00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:06,867
Hey, guys.
114
00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,327
Hey. Hey.
115
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,579
What is this?
116
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,083
Oh. It's some take out from
generro's. I'm bringing it home for Lily.
117
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:19,088
That's weird. Holli just texted Ted
something about take out from generro's.
118
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,550
Wait a second.
119
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,927
You sons of bitches!
120
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,303
What?
121
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,180
You're holli.
122
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:36,021
So Ted hasn't been
texting holli at all?
123
00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:37,606
He's been texting you two?
124
00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:40,776
Look, we knew he'd try to
call her before the three days,
125
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,613
so I swiped his phone and I
changed her number to my work cell.
126
00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:47,616
We were just gonna bust on him
for calling her too soon,
127
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:50,077
but then he started texting her.
128
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,330
"Texty text"?
129
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:57,876
Oh Ted. Oh poor,
sweet Ted. We should...
130
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,169
We should tell him it's us.
131
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,254
Yeah.
132
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,842
We pretend we're holli,
and we're in the bath.
133
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,845
Yeah, that's better.
134
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,977
That was fun.
135
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,329
We should tell him that it's us.
136
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,771
Yeah, we should.
137
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,609
We tell him
our favorite color is red,
138
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:24,570
and we think the
"cowboy" look is very sexy.
139
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,697
Yeah, that's better.
140
00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:31,744
Ted: I'm wearing them right
now, and they do look sexy.
141
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,663
He put on the boots!
142
00:07:34,747 --> 00:07:36,415
He totally put on the boots!
143
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,209
That was awesome!
144
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:42,963
But it's time to tell him who
he really put those boots on for.
145
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:44,840
Yeah. Or...
146
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,468
We just took off our shirt.
147
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,137
Yeah, that's better.
148
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:55,059
You think maybe we're wearing
a black lace bra underneath?
149
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,479
I don't think we're wearing
anything underneath.
150
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,105
God, we're hot.
151
00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:05,319
Now he's only wearing
the cowboy boots!
152
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,321
It is on! It is so on!
153
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:11,158
Okay, tell him that we're
slowly slipping out of our...
154
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,912
What are we doing?
155
00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:18,791
I think that we're
156
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,959
about to have sex with Ted.
157
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:28,759
So you did this to him
all day? That's just mean.
158
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:32,346
No! No, no, it was
actually for his own good.
159
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,557
We're protecting him from
himself. He really likes this girl.
160
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,142
He had that look in his eye.
161
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:41,397
Yeah, that crazy "I'm about to
move too fast and screw this up" look.
162
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,750
It was actually the same look
he had on his first date with you.
163
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:44,918
We all remember how that went.
164
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,026
Yeah.
165
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,028
I think I'm in love with you.
166
00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:49,196
What?
167
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:52,533
Yeah, well, I think
I was a special case.
168
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:55,285
This holli
is no Robin scherbatsky.
169
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,415
And what is the deal with
her hair? I mean, newsflash,
170
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,376
they make conditioners
that don't leave a buildup.
171
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,836
I'm so bad.
172
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,839
Look, it's been a while since
Ted really liked someone.
173
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,550
He's clearly got a lot of
crazy stored up. We just...
174
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,385
We thought we'd get
him to say, "I love you"
175
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,303
before he makes contact
with this girl.
176
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,614
And you can tell
it's on the way.
177
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,598
He's exhibiting
all the telltale signs.
178
00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,560
Yeah. One, hejoked
about getting married.
179
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,438
"You like architecture?
We should get married.
180
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:26,400
"Ha-ha. Lol. Just
kidding. Question Mark."
181
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:30,821
Two, he made a crazy
way-too-soon trip suggestion.
182
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,614
"I like beer, too.
183
00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:34,908
"We should totally
go to Germany together.
184
00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:37,661
"Lol. Jk. Lol."
185
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,875
And three, he got way
too personal way too soon.
186
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:46,211
"Yeah, my parents got
divorced a couple years back.
187
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,046
"It was really tough.
188
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,339
"Lol."
189
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,676
And he clearly doesn't
know what lol means.
190
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,136
Yeah, but here's
the real problem.
191
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:57,848
Ted wasn't saying, "I love you"
as easily as we thought he would.
192
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,725
Then we met Stan.
193
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,735
Why are you making
so much noise, man?
194
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:14,114
So we explained everything to
him, and when we were done,
195
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:15,657
something amazing happened.
196
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,577
Why don't you tell Ted that
just knowing he's out there
197
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,372
thinking about you, caring
about you, makes you feel safe?
198
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:26,168
So all your fears, all your
yesterdays wash away,
199
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,546
and only hope remains in
the promise of his embrace.
200
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:35,010
Wow. Go, Stan! Who is this guy?
201
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,571
He's a security guard
who works nights.
202
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,305
And he eats lunch
at maclaren's every day.
203
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,388
And he wasn't done.
204
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,891
Not by a long shot.
205
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,019
You make me thank god
for every mistake I ever made
206
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:47,898
because each one led me down
the path that brought me to you.
207
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:51,068
That's, hke, really nice, man.
208
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,237
Whatever. It's okay.
209
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:58,325
Holli: "And when we finally come
together, I want you to hold me."
210
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,537
Hold me all night.
Stroke my hair.
211
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,832
Tell me I'm a woman
and show me you're a man.
212
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,875
Until there was only now.
213
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:10,754
You and I and now.
214
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:12,589
Yes!
215
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:17,594
You want me to text
that to Ted. I know that.
216
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,266
Holli: "I do not ask
of the night explanations
217
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,102
"I wait for it
and it envelops me
218
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:30,899
"and so you and bread
and light and shadow are"
219
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,652
that's Pablo neruda.
220
00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:37,155
I don't know what
bread was doing in there,
221
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,408
but that touched me here
222
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,369
and here.
223
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,289
Well, if Ted
won't say it, I will.
224
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,875
I love you.
225
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,628
That's cool.
226
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,882
Still nothing, huh?
227
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,383
Maybe he's not in love with us.
228
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,527
How can he not be
in love with us?
229
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,219
We're everything
he's looking for.
230
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:00,888
I don't get men.
231
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:03,557
Gotta head to work.
232
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,309
Will you be back?
233
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:10,063
I'll be back when the wind and
fates and chance bring me back.
234
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,274
Which will be tomorrow.
235
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:14,276
It's cheese steak day.
236
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,740
Wow! It sounds like you
were all over this guy.
237
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:22,159
Hope his girlfriend
didn't get jealous.
238
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,661
Did he mention
a girlfriend, or...
239
00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:26,872
It was all going great,
240
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,625
until Marshall sent Ted
a text meant for Lily
241
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,751
and ruined everything.
242
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,127
Well, it doesn't matter, okay?
243
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:35,422
It's over now. I gotta get going,
but here's what's gonna happen.
244
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,927
You're going to call him right now,
tell him what you did, and apologize.
245
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,637
You got it? Yes.
246
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:50,354
Holli explained everything. It
was all just a misunderstanding.
247
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,605
Everything's great now.
248
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:52,773
Really?
249
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,567
How did holli explain her way
out of that one?
250
00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:59,363
Well, apparently, her dumb friend
Marsha accidentally used her phone
251
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,781
to text her husband, Billy.
252
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,616
Marsha and Billy.
253
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,118
No one sprained
any muscles there.
254
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,955
And now we are better than ever.
255
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,457
Look, I know this sounds crazy,
256
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,627
but I think I might actually
be falling for this girl.
257
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,629
You're falling
for Barney and Marshall.
258
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:16,838
What?
259
00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,424
They didn't believe that
you could wait the three days,
260
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,970
so Barney changed her number
in your phone to his work cell.
261
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,097
Holli is Barney and Marshall.
262
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,683
Wait, that whole time,
it was them?
263
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,435
Ted: So holli
wasn't in the bath?
264
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:37,234
Or sitting by her window, looking
up at the stars, thinking about me?
265
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:45,325
Or lounging in her old cheerleader
uniform, reading architecture magazines?
266
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,415
Yeah. I don't think they
actually did those things.
267
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,500
They were just at the bar.
268
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,584
Right.
269
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:55,919
But, yeah, it was them.
270
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:58,380
Unbelievable!
271
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,506
I know.
272
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,484
So you might as well
tell them you're on to them.
273
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,592
Yeah.
274
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:08,682
I text them something that'll
really mess with their heads.
275
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:12,019
Oh I gotcha. Okay. How about,
276
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,105
"I haven't told
any of my friends yet,
277
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,357
"but I only have
three months to live"?
278
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:21,486
Not bad. How about, "I once
killed a man with a shovel,
279
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,989
"and those feelings
are creeping up again"?
280
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:28,493
Uh-huh. I liked that thing someone said
before about having three months to live.
281
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:33,081
How about, "I've never told anyone this,
but I slept with my best friend's mom"?
282
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:36,043
That is good, butlfeelhke
we keep coming back
283
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,128
to that three-months-
to-live thing.
284
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,755
Wait. I think I got it.
285
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:40,964
Yeah?
286
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,801
He texted back!
287
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,346
"I probably
shouldn't tell you this.
288
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,432
"I mean, we barely
know each other.
289
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,894
"But what the hell,
I'll just say it."
290
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,438
This is it, dude.
Here comes the "I love you."
291
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:57,898
I wish Stan were here.
292
00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,149
Stan.
293
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,320
Whoa! What?
294
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:08,200
"I sometimes have gay dreams
about my best friend."
295
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:18,126
"I sometimes have gay
dreams about my best friend."
296
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:22,130
Why in the world would Ted
text a girl he barely knows
297
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,132
that he sometimes
has gay dreams about me?
298
00:15:24,216 --> 00:15:26,343
Whoa, whoa, slow your roll.
299
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,763
You? He's clearly
talking about me.
300
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,224
Dude, it's me.
I'm his best friend.
301
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,184
Okay. One, that has
never been proven.
302
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:38,605
Two, if anyone were to have gay
dreams about one of us, it would be me.
303
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,650
I mean, look at me.
Now look at you.
304
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,695
A still-in-the-closet 80-year-old
wouldn't be into that mess.
305
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,783
Here's the thing, Barney.
I'm snuggly. You're not.
306
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,787
Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next
to this business on a Sunday morning?
307
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,414
Wrapped in a comforter,
and it's raining outside,
308
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:58,125
and there's muffins
warming in the oven.
309
00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,002
I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it.
310
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:03,088
I work out every day.
311
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:06,925
If there is one thing we know about
Ted, it's that he likes a nice body.
312
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,552
This body would rock his world.
313
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,429
Ted and I have a history.
I know what he likes.
314
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:15,350
There are things I could do to
him that would blow his mind...
315
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,539
Why do we keep trying
to have sex with Ted?
316
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,481
I don't know. It's weird.
317
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:25,861
Crazy, right? Ted's having
gay dreams about me?
318
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:30,031
And by me, he means m-e,
Marshall Eriksen,
319
00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:32,159
star of Ted's gay dreams.
320
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:36,037
Who cares? So Ted has gay
dreams about one of you guys.
321
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:39,499
It's not like you found out
he has three months to live.
322
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,377
That's, hke, shocking, right?
323
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,005
Whoa! Take a look at this guy.
324
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,340
How's it going,
best friend of 12 years?
325
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,428
Well, it's kind of weird,
326
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:55,599
but I had this crazy dream the
other night. It's a little embarrassing.
327
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,101
You can tell us, Ted.
This is a safe space.
328
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:01,188
Yeah, your feelings are
perfectly natural, buddy.
329
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,398
Okay. Here's what happened.
330
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,483
So I'm at the...
331
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:06,711
Older Ted: And then I proceeded
332
00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:08,653
to waste a half hour
of those bastards' lives,
333
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,197
telling them about
this dream I had
334
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,034
where I ate dinner with my top five
favorite architects throughout history.
335
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,911
And then, at the end
of the meal,
336
00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:19,331
frank gehry slides the check
over to I.M. Pei, and he says,
337
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:23,043
"buddy, tonight, your
name is I.M. Paying."
338
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:27,130
Buckminster Fuller
almost did a spit take.
339
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,800
And then I woke up.
340
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,887
So, that's it?
341
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:39,142
No other dreams?
Nothing confusing or erotic?
342
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,940
Okay, how about this? Ted, you
know how, at some point in the future,
343
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,900
sure. Machines will
rise up against us?
344
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,320
Okay. So the machines,
they've killed everybody,
345
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,948
and all that's left is you,
346
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,410
and Barney.
347
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,413
Which one of us would you, like,
348
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,833
get with?
349
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:09,381
And why
do I have to "get with" one of you?
350
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,424
The machines are forcing you.
351
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,803
They want to watch. That's
just how they get down.
352
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:19,849
That's a tough one. I
guess it would have to be...
353
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,104
Holli.
354
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:26,690
Robin told me what you guys did.
355
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,525
That's why I made up
the gay dreams thing.
356
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,151
Guys, this is holli.
357
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,905
And I didn't wait your
precious three days to call her.
358
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:36,491
I knew where she worked,
so I tracked her down.
359
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,410
Let me ask you.
Did I call you too soon?
360
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,829
I love that he called
me right away.
361
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,039
I found it very romantic.
362
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,850
And by the way, I don't
sit around my apartment
363
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:48,795
reading architecture magazines
in my old cheerleader uniform.
364
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:51,006
I do that completely naked.
365
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,971
So holli and I
are going out to dinner.
366
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,806
I'll meet you out front. Okay.
367
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,644
I'm sorry, buddy. We
were just trying to help you.
368
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,230
And, also, it was really fun.
369
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,153
I don't need your help, okay?
I can take care of myself.
370
00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,697
And, yeah, maybe
there are some girls
371
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,740
who wouldn't like it that
I called them right away
372
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:20,160
or said things too soon,
but guess what?
373
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,662
Those aren't
the right girls for me.
374
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:27,167
Maybe the right girl is the one who
loves that I do those things because...
375
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,627
That's just who I am,
and I'm not gonna change
376
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,422
because of some
stupid three-days rule.
377
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:37,719
Oh! And holli spells
her name with an "I."
378
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,474
Older Ted: So I had proven
that the three-days rule was wrong,
379
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:44,726
and I was out to dinner
with a pretty girl.
380
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,811
And until right now,
I've never told anyone
381
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,938
the truth about what happened
on that date.
382
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,984
That's so funny! I love indie
music, too. We should get married.
383
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,194
Ha, ha.
384
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,779
Just kidding.
385
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,238
Or am I?
386
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,449
Just kidding again!
387
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,701
That's it. We're totally
going to Brazil together!
388
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,513
And I went to my doctor this
morning, and he said it is all cleared up,
389
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,206
so I'm good to go.
390
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,375
I think I'm in love
with you, Ted.
391
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,668
Older Ted: In the end, I
didn't need to wait three days,
392
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,046
but holli really, really did.
393
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:16,216
Like a lot of rules, there
are times to follow them
394
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:19,260
and times to not.
But I will tell you this.
395
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:23,390
When I got your mother's
number, I called her right away.
396
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,938
Stan! Hey, fellas.
397
00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:31,689
Stan, aren't you working?
398
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:32,774
Took the night off.
399
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:33,918
That's great!
We can all hang out!
400
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:34,942
Yeah!
401
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,903
I can't. Got a date.
402
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,363
You ready, baby? Yep.
403
00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:39,906
What the...
404
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:43,743
Wait, wait. Couldn't you guys just
stay here and do your date with us?
405
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,578
Yeah, it'll be fun!
406
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,124
Look, I'm laughing! It's
fun here! You like magic?
407
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,502
Fellas, it's time
we said goodbye.
408
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,088
I mean, we shared a very
special afternoon together,
409
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:59,509
and that's something I will always
Cherish. I'll never forget you guys.
410
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,570
Do you even know their names?
411
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,054
Noidea. Is the tall one Ted?
412
00:21:03,138 --> 00:21:05,058
Robin: No. That's
Marshall. He's married to Lily.
413
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,158
Stan: You like chicken wings?
414
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,350
Oh, yeah!
32106
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