All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S04E18.1080p.BluRay.x264-WAVEY

Older Ted: In the spring of
2009, I'd been hired to design

a new headquarters for
Goliath national bank.

And I was eager to add as
much of my voice as an architect

into the plans as possible.

Wood beams bathed in
natural light in the atrium.

They're gonna love it!

There was only one problem,
and his name was bilson.

Wood? Natural light?

Uh, no!

Natural light reminds the workers
that there is an outside world

where they have family and
friends. We want to crush that!

You show up in the dark,
you go home in the dark.

You spend your whole
damn day in the dark!

I need to hear Lily's voice.

Who said you could leave?

Older Ted: Bilson was
killing every original idea I had.

Then, one day, gnb
took him off the project

and created a new task
force to oversee my designs.

Suddenly, everything changed.

Vvellhave a rooftop zen
garden for quiet contemplation.

Vvellhave a reflecting
pool in the lobby where

local children can
come to make wishes.

The new gnb, a place of work

that you can call home.

Thank you, and, um,

welcome home.

Older Ted: Everything
was going great,

until one day,
in the elevator...

Whoa!

Yeah, it's Ted.

No, no, no, no. I did
not approve that change

for the blueprints for the
new gnb headquarters

for which I'm the head
architect at only 30 years old.

Yes, I'm
single and I give to charity.

What does that have
to do with anything?

All right, goodbye, Mr. Mayor.

You know that was a
fake phone call, don't you?

Yes, and I also know that the new gnb
headquarters project was scrapped last month.

Nice try.

Check out Scarlett Johansson
at the oscars.

If I could nail any celebrity,

it would definitely
be Scarlett Johansson.

Hot, talented, and nobody does
that many Woody Allen movies

without serious daddy issues.

If I could nail any
celebrity, it would be Lily.

She's the star of my heart.

For me, it'd be Hugh Jackman.

You know,
I don't know, celebrities,

they're into some
really weird sex stuff.

Trust me.

How would you know that?

This is embarrassing, but I...

I went home with
a celebrity one night.

Oh, my god! Seriously?

Yeah. He wanted to do this
really freaky thing with me,

so I left. That's it.
End of story.

No, no, not end of story.

I need to know who, what,
when and in where. Spill it!

Lily, please settle down.

You're swallowing too much air.

But before you go any further,

I'm flattered, but
technically, I'm not a celebrity.

And plus, for the last time,
I put the mask on as a joke.

Okay, not you, Barney.

Okay, who is it?

Okay, now you
gave Lily the hiccups.

Okay, I won't tell
you anything specific,

but all I'll say is
he is Canadian-born,

butyou definitely know this guy,

and he got me back to his place

by offering to show me
a very unique collection.

What do you mean, cohecfion?

Well, you know how
some people collect,

like, stamps or coins?
It's like that.

But I'm not telling.

Well, at least tell us the
weird thing he wanted to do.

I don't know
what you call it in the states,

but we have a name
for it in Canada.

Look, I've already
said too much.

So, mystery celebrity
who collects a mystery item

asked you to do a
mystery Canadian sex act.

Yes. Tell us!

Okay, I'll tell you.

But only if you guess
all three parts correctly.

Well, that's just impossible.

Exactly.

I don't even know
any Canadian sex acts.

Well, you got your
sloppy dog sled,

your alberta fur trapper,
your full mountie...

How do you know all these?

Canadiansexactsorg, it's
bookmarked on the top right.

"Dot org"?

Yeah. It's not for profit.

They really just want to
get the information out there.

Hey, so, I just had the
weirdest conversation.

This woman at gnb told me that the
new bank building was scrapped last month.

That's crazy, right?

Wait, what...
What was that look?

Should we tell him?
I don't want to tell him.

I think we should tell him.
We're not telling him.

There was no look.

Guys, what the hell?

Okay, it's time that
you know the truth.

A few weeks ago, bilson
called us into his office.

We're scrapping the plan
for the new gnb headquarters.

This recession is killing us.

We're cutting
anything non-essential.

And I have a lot of
tough choices to make

at the bi-quarterly
retreat in Saint Croix.

Man, Ted is gonna be devastated.

Not when he hears it
coming from his best friend.

I have to tell him?
I have to tell him?

You should tell him,
you're his best friend.

Am not, you're his best friend.

Am not, you're his best...

Quiet, here he comes.

What, the white dude
or the Asian fellow?

See? I barely know the guy.

Hey, Ted, what's up?
Hey, how're you doing?

I'm frustrated. Anything
innovative I put in my designs,

bilson just hacks
out with a machete.

I hate having to
answer to a guy like that.

You should drop the project.

You should totally
drop the project.

It's beneath you.

Then it's settled. To
Ted mosby's new chapter.

May the wind be at your
back, and may the road...

Are you kidding? They just laid
off another architect at my firm.

I mean, bilson's a pain, sure,

but without this project,
I'm probably out of a job.

Right. Um, it's funny that
you mention the project,

because_. You're nailing it.

Keep up the good work, buddy.

Your hair and teeth
look fantastic today.

You're shining like a diamond!

Thank you. I needed that.

All right, I'm going to head
upstairs and keep working.

I've got to find a way to introduce
some wood into bilson's dark atrium.

I think you know what I meant.

What was that?

I... I have a thought, okay?

We're paying Ted's firm for two more
months of design work, no matter what,

so couldn't we just let him
keep working and not tell him?

He's had a rough year.

Let's let the guy be
happy a little while longer.

Marshall, what you're suggesting

is an elaborate, long-term lie that
requires tremendous commitment.

A nice guy like you
can't pull that off.

Sure I can. Lie to me right now.

Okay. I have a spaceship.

What kind of fuel
powers your spaceship?

Okay, I don't have a spaceship.

Nol stand your ground.
If someone questions you,

distract them from the
original lie with more lies.

Here, let me demonstrate.
I own a pony.

Ask me a question.

Okay. Um...

What color is your pony?

Well, when I first
got dandelion,

she was a deep Chestnut brown,

but sadly, her stable is
located near a chemical plant

which contaminated
the drinking water.

80 over time, she's turned

a sickly, grayish-white color,

And there's nothing

that the vet can do to fix her.

My god! I'm... that's horrible.

Is dandelion going to be okay?

Okay. All right. You are good!

Dandelion's not
even sick, is she?

So the building's really
dead and you guys lied to me?

We just did it to
protect you, Ted.

I can't believe this. I just got
screwed by my two best friends,

and I didn't even know it.

In Canada, that's called
a "sneaky snowplow."

That building was my dream
job, and now, it's just gone.

We're so sorry, Ted.

I need a drink.

Poor Ted.

Would I seem heartless if I switched
us back to Canadian sex acts?

Not at all. I'm surprised
you waited this long.

What the hell is
a two-hand zamboni?

Let's just say the only thing the
woman is wearing is skates on her hands.

A manitoba milk bag?

Okay, it's like
a Chicago mustache,

but the person on the
bottom is wearing a snowsuit.

A newfoundland lobster trap?

Don't know. Don't want to know.

Those newfies
are out of control.

Okay! Okay, I'm going
to make my first guess.

Okay, but I'll only tell you

if you correctly guess the
person, the act and the collection.

Okay, I'm going to
go. Bryan Adams.

He collects baseball cards, and
he wanted to do a greasy kayak.

Wayne gretzky, vintage hot
wheels, a squatting eskimo.

Mmml kiefer sutherland,

souvenir shot glasses,
and a sticky flapjack.

No. That I would have done.

Wait.

Wait, if they pulled the plug
on the project a month ago,

why have I been
going in once a week

to meet with the new
headquarters task force?

Well, obviously you couldn't
come in and pitch to bilson.

So, we invented the task force.

Then it was just a question
of putting together the team.

Marshall: You know Roy waterman,

vice-president of
capital and risk?

He's actually Roy the janitor.

Hey. Excuse me, Roy.

How'd you like to
make a few extra bucks?

How naked do I have to get?

Louisa mendoza, executive
vice-president of assets?

She's actually
Louisa the lunch lady.

Louisa, I need your help with
something, but you can't tell anybody.

Exactly. This is a big secret.

How do you say
"secret" in Spanish?

Ah. Yes, albondigas.

This will be our
little albondigas.

Hey, can I have a couple
of meatballs, please?

And Arthur naismith, the eccentric
genius guru of corporate investments?

He's actually crazy arty, 15th
street's own one-man band.

Excuse me. Ah!

Do you have a minute to talk?

Actually, my assistant, Reginald,
makes all my appointments.

We rounded out the
group with a few interns

and paid everyone 50 bucks to act
super-interested in what you were saying.

Reginald, get me out
of this for next week.

That was some of
the most inspired

design work I've done in my
entire career. I was so excited.

Alex trebek, a musty
goaltender, beanie babies!

Nope. Damnfl!

Wait. So that explains the
thing that happened with Louisa.

Good job, buddy. Nice, nice!

Listen, Louisa. What are
we going to do about this?

Don't act like you don't
know what I'm talking about.

I know you feel it, too.

What the hell?

No! No! No, this is wrong!

For god's sake,
you're on the task force!

Is there anything else
you want to tell me?

Well, you know how you played
third base for the gnb softball team?

Yeah.

There is no gnb softball team.

We just rented out a field,
rounded up a bunch of guys

and told them to
make you the hero.

So my game-winning
walk was a lie?

We're sorry, Ted, but we knew
that you'd be out of work soon,

and we just... we just
wanted to make you feel good.

You know,
that's what friends do.

Lie to each other?

Sometimes, yeah, to
protect each other's feelings.

No way! You never
lie to your friends.

I would never not
be honest with you.

Really? What about that open
mic night at the comedy club?

Are you like me, folks?

Have you ever thought
about how many

different kinds of fish there
are, and the names of those fish?

Let's, uh, let's
take a little ride.

"Trout." am I right?

"Sturgeon."
I don't think so, pal.

"Salmon."

Ah! I'm going to say that again.

"Salmon."

Who thought that was
a good idea, right?

"Bass." this guy over here
knows what I'm talking about.

"Halibut." thank
you, good night.

How was I?

Oh! You were great.
Really funny.

You killed

everyone's Thursday night.

Time out. You didn't
like the fish list?

It was horrible! You
just read a list of fish.

Anyway, you guys just
proved my point, okay?

You lied to me to
protect my feelings.

This is completely different!

I just wasted a month of my
life working on a dead project.

That's time I could've spent trying
to bring my firm new business.

Instead, I'm going to go
in there tomorrow morning,

I'm probably going to get fired.

Best-case scenario, my boss is going
to ream me out in front of everybody.

Back home, we call that
a... "Saskatoon totem pole."

Robin: Yes. It's on here.

Good morning, lying bastards.

Anything you want to lie about
before I head off to work to get fired?

That's a nice shirt.
You're the devil.

Ted, what if we told you that we
found you a new project at gnb

where you would be
redesigning part of the 20th floor?

Well, if that's a lie, it's
an incredibly dull one.

What exactly would I be doing?

This is the 18th floor etr.

Basically, bilson wants
a room just like this,

only two stories up,
on our floor.

Wait, what's an etr?

It's the employee
transition room.

What does that mean?

Well, it's a space where
a supervisor and an employee

engage in a knowledge transfer about
an impending vocational paradigm shift.

People get fired in here.

That's horrible.

Why do you need a room
specifically for firing people?

Well, gnb feels that
people need a safe,

secure space to
deal with the news.

Yeah. It gets
pretty real in here.

Older Ted: So, I
reluctantly agreed to

design a room where
people would be fired.

But I was determined
to make it my own.

Now, when you leave
the dismissal space,

you'll exit into
what I'm calling

the rebirth tranquility hallway.

Uh-oh.

Here, you'll find a
soothing oval chamber

with a trained grief counselor.

It's right here, past the
new beginnings fountain.

Uh-oh.

And there you have it. Instead
of a drab, dark prison cell,

a nurturing womb
birthing you into a new life.

I love it.

Yeah. Really?

Nice work, Ted. Thank you.

Can you add some
of these touches

to the existing 18th
floor etr as well?

Absolutely. Great.

Let's take a look.

Okay, so I'm
thinking this wall...

You're fired!

What? I wanted this room!

This exact room, two floors up!

But" youtefued!

Now, get the hell out of here.

Hey, honey.

Anyone from the band rush,

a Montreal meatpie,
and superhero lunch boxes.

Okay. Rick moranis,
the reverse Rick moranis,

antique judaica.

I give up. No.

I've been guessing for
three days. I'm done.

If that means I never
get to know, so be it.

Fine.

Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!

Okay, you really want to know?

All: Yes!

Okay.

But this information
does not leave this table.

Oh, my god. I am so excited.

I'm going to read it. Read it.

I'm going to read it. Read it.

I'm going to read it.
Here we go.

"The frozen snowshoe, old
king Clancy, Harvey's trays."

Right.

I don't know what
any of those words mean.

Is one of those supposed
to be a celebrity?

Yeah, who the hell
is old king Clancy?

No, that's not the
person, that's the sex act.

It's the same as a Sacramento
turtleneck, except with maple syrup.

So the celebrity
was Harvey strays?

No, that's what he collected.

Harvey's trays.

You know, those classic orange trays
you get whenever you eat at Harvey's?

The restaurant?

Oh, come on, you're road-tripping
down the trans-Canada highway,

you get a hunger on
between milverton and wawa,

where are you gonna strap
on a feed bag, huh? Harvey's.

"Over 12,000 served!"

So the celebrity was...

The frozen snowshoe.

Oh, my god! You guys have never
heard of the frozen snowshoe?

He's only the most famous
professional wrestler in Canada.

I met him after he defeated
reckless Rick Rogers

in the kamloops memorial
arena back in '02. Classic match.

So you're saying
the frozen snowshoe

invited you back to his
place to look at Harvey's trays,

and asked you to do
an old king Clancy?

Exactly. And I'm serious,
you cannot tell anyone.

Well, my hiccups are gone.

Possibly forever.

Canada! You did it again.

You even found
a way to ruin this.

Why? Why do we
let you be a country?

Hey, Mr. Mister. Hey.

Shouldn't you be upstairs,

designing your big, fancy etr?

I'm off the project.

What?

Bilson fired me.

You're kidding me.

So what does this mean for you at
your firm? Are you going to get laid off?

Actually, I just quit.

Because I can't work for big,
heartless corporate clients anymore.

When I was pitching
to your "task force,"

I was doing the most
inspired work of my career.

In a way, you idiots reminded
me how much fun my job can be

when I'm not answering to
the bilsons of the world, so

I quit.

Wow.

They fired you, didn't they?

Yes, sir.

But I got a sweet severance
package and I've made a big decision.

I'm going to start my own firm.

Vvhoa, buddyl that's exciting.

In this economy?

So you're not mad?

As it turns out, I'm grateful.

So how'd it all go down
between you and bilson?

Well, after he proposed
a vocational paradigm shift,

I made an impromptu presentation
using a four-pronged approach

that really brought
him to his knees.

Hit him with a chair? Yep.

That's my boy.

And this one, I got on the
drive from milverton to wawa.

Wow. That's pretty impressive,
the frozen snowshoe.

Please, we're friends.
Just call me "shoe."

Have a seat.

So, shoe,

how would you like to give me

an old king Clancy?

I think you should go.